Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

2008-12-22T08:02:00.001+08:00

This is post 1,070. There will be no post 1,071.

Have decided to start a new blog. Contradictory Ramblings have been running since 2004 afterall. Time for some changes. Nah... a new blog doesn't mean a new life. It doesn't mean I'm starting things on a clean slate or whatever. Neither is it gonna be all cheery or positive. I am still who I am. So why the change? Good question. My answer? I just want to ^_^

I ain't gonna shut this down. Am just gonna leave this here. Itz more like... well, writing my diary entries in a new book.

And hence, my Life continues with Reflections.

2008-11-12T12:57:00.000+08:00

Revenge.

Holding a grudge.

The desire to destroy everyone and everything around you.

Is that really wrong?

Seems that those who produced Jigoku Shoujo Futakomori seemed to think so. The season came to an end with the death of Enma Ai, who disobeyed the Lord of Hell and as a penalty was brought back to life to be killed by an angry mob. The mob made up of the very same people who accessed the Hotline to Hell for their own vengeance. As such, the situation @ the town came to a close. Ai & the spirits of those that she loved were released.

As the story goes, Ai was once a normal girl who was prosecuted by her village and eventually killed. In her rage, she destroyed the entire village and was doomed to work as the Hellgirl by the Lord of Hell who held the souls of those she loved ransom.

Kinda ridiculous don't u think? When the people who died are the ones @ fault in the 1st place. And from the way I see it, they got what's coming to them. Why should the innocent made to suffer be punished from extracting justice upon the wrong-doers who unleashed hell upon them?

"
The shadows of sin flicker and flutter.
A sorrowful destiny; a path of doubt.
The hater and the hated are two in one;
Two cracked mirrors reflecting each other.
"

Above is the English translation, done by Shinsen Fansubs, of the start of every episode.

Yeah granted that vengeance is a never-ending cycle. However... does that mean we shld just sit back and let everything go? Forgive the ones who did you wrong & forget the nasty deeds that they have done? Is vengeance really such a bad thing?

Come to think of it, even the old martial arts drama that I used to watch seemed to reflect that. The one seeking revenge is always portrayed as the bad guy. Then the good guys will simply mentioned that... when will revenge end... yadda yadda... those kinda shit. Of coz itz easy for the good guys to stay that. They weren't the ones who watched their loved one die in the hands of another.

Society is flawed.

If that's the common perception people adopt - or rather, if that's the kinda thought ppl are trying to promote.

The world is just fucked.

Hypocritical.

Me?

I believe in vengeance. I believe in vendetta. I don't believe in goodness & I don't believe in taking things done towards myself lying down. I don't believe in being nice to those who don't deserve it. In any case, feelings should be mutual. Actions should be reciprocal. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Nothing more, nothing less.

So... does that mean I should be condemned to Hell?

lol ~ if thatz the case, so be it. I wouldn't wanna be sent to Heaven along with all the others who aren't even true to themselves in the 1st place. Those who wear a mask. Those who claim that they bear no grudge.

To those who claim so, just one word for you: Bullshit.

Destruction isn't necessary a bad thing. Wanna argue? Well, tell me then, why did God cause the entire world, save for Noah & his ark, to be submerged in water? Why did God bring destruction upon the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah? Coz He is the the Creator and has the "right" to do so as he was saddened by how humans have turned out?

Hahahahaha... your God is nothing more than a tyrant, a dicator who wants things his very own way. Everything that is negative about humans, everything that is "wrong" came from Him. Don't blame the serpent for tempting Eve to eat the apple - its just as good as blaming the cigarette manufacturers for lung cancer. Temptation is always around - it's up to a person to succumb to it or look the other way. Eve was weak. She ate the damned fruit. Where did she inherit the weakness from? Well... God did make mankind in his own image, didn't He?

btw, sidenote: in the above 2 paragraphs, when I mention God, I refer to the God of Christian faith (in case morons have yet to notice).

/shrug

Well... whatever it is, it'll be pretty interesting should I have the power to destroy the world @ my very whim. I'll fill the planet with flames of hate, fill the night sky with the death cries of those who are caught in them.

Why?

Simple.

There is beauty in destruction afterall.

2008-11-04T06:35:00.000+08:00

*sigh* I never knew I could get this upset over a game.

"Nameless" downed Illidan last night for the 1st time. It should be a happy thing right? And no, am not upset coz I lost the T6 chest based on dkp. My rogue companion got it and itz as if I've gotten it myself. No biggie. Am just feeling totally fcked coz that was the last raid we did together as a guild. "Nameless" is no more. Well... at least no longer the way it is. A huge percentage of the main raid team left, and formed a new guild "Encore". So I guess... yeah in a sense "Nameless" is no more, coz it was the raid team that made the guild.

That was the last pic we ever took together.

I just feel like an asshole. Really. Coz I left to join "Encore" too. It just seems like a betrayal. The GM is someone I know irl. Being a former gm myself on Barthilas, I can imagine how he'd feel to see his guild shattered this way. The most shitty thing is, I am goddamned sure he was certain I'd stay and help him with reforming his guild. I didn't. I bailed. I wanted to stay, really. But I dun like the idea of raiding with strangers all over again. I dunno manz... either way I'll be branded an asshole.

When I didn't immediately leave to join "Encore", another guildie back from "Impact" days got mad - said that I went back on my word, that we'll be sticking together when "Impact" fell apart. Well... I did make that promise afterall, so I guess I don't blame him for being mad. But I don't think I shld be given that kinda pressure. I did try explaining y I didn't leave. He didn't accept it. /shrug. Even though I did leave eventually... am gonna re-evaluate my in-game friendships. Coz it does feel that he was trying to use my sense of loyalty against me, when he knows jolly well that by leaving "Nameless", I'll be going against my morales too. Not really someone I'd like as a friend, even if it's merely in-game. Shouldn't allow myself to be put under such kinda peer pressure any further.

So what actually made up my mind to leave?

It was what my fellow rogue asked. A simple yet effective question - Why am I staying?

My gaming objective is progression. I have to stay true to that objective. If I wanted merely a social guild, "Triple Moons" on Barthilas fits the bill just fine... it's a guild with no potential, no raiding future. But it's a guild where friendships are strong & where ppl actually like each other (or at least thatz the impression I get). That is a social guild. However, I ain't content to just remain in a guild as such. I want to see end-game content when WoTLK is released in a week's time. With "Encore", I see such potential. Am unsure if I'll be given a regular raid spot with my fellow rogue there, considering that many raids will be 10-man based in WoTLK and that doesn't allow 2x rogues @ the same time. But well... it's not as if my raid spots in "Nameless" are gonna be certain now that they are reforming.

Tbh, there are many things that "Nameless" GM does that I don't really approve of... but that's his style. It's just pretty self-centered but well... who isn't selfish @ the end of the day? Doesn't mean that "Encore"'s GM is much betta - I don't know that for sure. The only thing I know is that he's a better raid leader, and he doesn't make empty promises (well he hasn't made promises in the 1st place).

*sigh* All I can say is... my raiding future is uncertain on that realm. I just hope that in time, everything will work out. And I really hope, it doesn't end up with Mai ("Nameless" GM) & black hating me. Those 2 are peeps that I've known since my Barthilas days... and we did have wonderful times together. Bahhh kinda dread the phone call I know I'll get from Mai later today. Arrrgghhhh it just sux. Coz in my heart I feel as if I've betrayed him. He trusted that I'll stay to help him. I didn't. I deserted him. Wtf manz. Wtf did I just do =.=

I dunno. It just sux that the guild had to break apart this way. Especially after we downed Illidan. What an irony. Guess good things really don't last forever.

If this keeps up... I really might have to quit WoW to preserve my sanity.

2008-10-30T06:13:00.000+08:00

3hrs+ and counting. Have gotten Ainarielle's fishing skill from 293 to 347 in the process. Chances are, itz gonna end up at 375 at the sick rate it's going. For those playing WoW, am sure u guys know how fcking long that takes. So what the fck am I doing? I'm fishing in the waterfall @ Ogrimmar (one of the enemy capitals, for non WoW players). And yes, Ainarielle is a Night Elf. Rogue nonetheless, but it was a pain getting to where I'm right now - especially after patch 3.0.2 changing the guards from lvl 70 to 75. There's even a lvl ?? (elite) walking around who can detect stealth. I got one-shotted by him like twice and yeah thatz coz I was naked save for Vanir's Right fist of Brutality on my main hand. Why the fck am I naked in the 1st place? Simple. Death to NPC = -10% durability = approx 4g repairs. Death is inevitable as the guards can see thru' my stealth easy due to their higher level & my lack of subtelty talents - I'm PvE raid spec.

Anyway... I shall not go into details about my toon's spec and gear. Laymen simply won't understand and that isn't the point of my current blog entry anyway. To summarize, I had a hard time getting in.

So what the fck am I doing? I'm fishing! Why fish there? Uhmm coz with the latest patch, Blizzard came out with an entire list of achivements that one can attain. One of them includes fishing up Old Crafty in Ogrimmar - which is a pain in the ass for Alliance players. Well... the Horde have their own curse having to fish up Ironjaw in Ironforge, the Dwarven city, an Alliance capital. Uhmm once again, I'm off-topic... bear with me on this as itz now 5:09am and I've been fishing since slightly before 2am.

351 fishing skill now.

Hmm... am tempted to just give up, hearth back to Shatt city, logout and go to bed. Itz just that the thought of coming in all over again another day kinda sickens me. Give up on that achievement altogether? yeah perhaps I should, but guess part of me is too stubborn to do so. I guess folks who know me irl can attest to that. My mule headedness had gotten me to do stuff that most lesser (and rational) ppl would have given up already. *sigh* I don't even know if that's a good trait or otherwise anymore.

That isn't the point of this post either.

This is supposed to be a ranting entry tbh. Just let me feel sorry for myself & lash out at Life once again, won't ya? Just let me curse my very existence and contradict myself a little to make it slightly easier to bear. I just don't fcking understand. Why is my luck so bad?

I had a fishing companion initially. A fellow rogue from the same guild. He's offline now, went to sleep after keep me company for like 1hr or so. He got his achivement on his 1st cast. How gay is that? Gay not coz he got it on his 1st try. Gay becoz I'm still there more than 3 fcking hours later and I haven't gotten it! Why the fck do I always have to try harder than anyone else? Why is it that luck doesn't smile upon me? WHY???

Itz the same thing with the Halloween event. There's this pet, the Sinister Squashling, that can be obtained from various means - defeating the headless horesman in Scarlet Monastry & outrolling your fellow party members, getting it from Trick or Treat @ the inn keepers, or as a reward from saving a town from burning down. The event ends this Sunday. I still haven't gotten the pet yet on Ainarielle. I've lost the rolls many times, even when just 1 other person wants it; I've never managed to put out a fire in town & I was unsuccessful getting it from a TnT package. *sigh* Why is my luck so bad?

Oh yeah, I've gotten the squashling yesterday off the headless horseman for Erulisse. Thatz only coz a guildie passed for me. FFS. Am just fcking sure that if he didn't pass, he would have won it instead. My rolls are epic. Hmm no.. not epic. Legendary. When an item drops and someone else wants it too, 95% of the time I lose the roll. When there's no one else in the party who needs the item... it simply doesn't drop at all. Take Aina's helm & Eru's tanking boots for example (not that I really care since WoTLK is coming out in a week & all gear will be replaced in the levelling process - but thatz NOT the point!!).

Guess am simply the type who just doesn't have much luck. Am destined to persevere and work harder than anyone else if I want something. Even if I were to work real hard, doesn't mean I'll get it. Call that pessimistic if you wish. I simply call it having a practical outlook based on what I've experienced thru' the years. Both in and out of game.

Just look @ my real life. Do I get what I want? No.

I wanted so badly for my marriage to work out. I tried all that I could. It ended up in shambles despite all that I've done. Result: Fail.

Social life. Well, I admit that I've been preoccupied with WoW of late, but I still try to maintain the friendships I have. Dropping occasional messages on MSN, asking folks out for dinner or to the movies... but what happens? Half the time, the messages go unanswered. Friends' aren't free to go out on the days I'm free & do not bother comprimising for a mutal free day (it's always on their time, not mine if they bother to suggest an alternative in the 1st place). People go watch movies w/o remembering to ask me along. *sigh*

Perhaps I shld just come to terms with the fact that people just simply don't like me coz I'm too critical, too cynical, too sarcastic, too demanding, too irrational... and whatever negative qualities that a human mind can fathom. Thatz probably why Life decides to throw all the shit my way too... hoping that I'll just give up & cease to exist. Come to think of it, it isn't such a bad idea afterall. End this life. Begin the nxt one on a clean slate & hopefully I won't be the perceived asshole I am right now and I won't be hated this much.

360 fishing now.

Well... this rant isn't going too well ehz? Itz just making my self esteem lower than it already is. Perhaps I should just not give a flying fck as to what others think about me. If they don't like me, they can jolly well fck off coz they aren't the only people in the world to begin with.

Time for some positive thoughts imo.

Perhaps I should count myself lucky that I got my squashling on Erulisse eventually - that I actually had a guildie who's nice enough to pass on it when it dropped. I should consider myself lucky that I had other guildies who are willing to go farm for it for me, even if it didn't drop that day. I should consider myself lucky that I had a fishing buddy for the 1st hour in Ogrimmar. I should consider myself lucky that there are still ppl irl who have yet to place me on their ignore list. And finally I should consider myself lucky that I've got an outlet to vent my frustrations and the ability to do so.

364 fishing. Fck it manz. I'll give up at 375 and continue before tonite's raid or another day.

Oh great... some fcked up horde decided to come and gank. Seriously, can't ppl just fcking leave me alone? Am already pissed enough as it is trying to get that fcking fish.

FCK LIFE.

2008-10-23T07:21:00.000+08:00

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

Beautiful song by Abba. Heard it a long time ago and recently once again - on the movie Mamma Mia. Am darn glad I didn't catch that in the cinema or I might have broken down totally.

Haha yeah it just sounds like one of my lose-control moments again. Perhaps someday I'll steel myself to visit a shrink. Chances are, I'm suffering from depression or at least bipolar disorder. And I ain't kidding about it. But that'll be for another post... another day.

Right now. Ah well... u know, I had a dream once. I still have a dream. I just don't know it'll come true and hanging it to it just sounds so childish. Try as I might, I can't get rid of this little girl that dwells inside me. Biologically I've grown up. I'm already 27. In 3 years I'll be 30. My dream is fading. This may sound weird, coming from me... and it sounds totally ridiculous to the adult mind. But u know what? I've always dreamed that one day I'll meet my Prince Charming, get married & live happily ever after. It just sounds like a lovely thing to happen. And yeah it does sound unbelievable coming from someone the likes of me.

You know, some day, I'd really wish to be a mom.

/shrug

2008-10-22T22:57:00.001+08:00

"Just take it as an evening spent with friends" - thatz what my guildie, Aeld told me when I lamented that it was yet another Saturday night spent fused to the com. That was slightly more than 2 weeks ago, after a combined guild raid with to Black Temple (note: as it was before the nerf, we didn't even manage to get Naj'entus down).

Come to think of it, when was the last time I went out on a Sat night? I dunno manz... like 1 mth ago? What did I actually do when I went out that time too? omg I really can't remember much now. /shrug Time just passes me by so swiftly these days. Itz like the hours just go zoom and the days just meld into each other. Looking @ this on the bright side, at least WoTLK will be out soon. Patch 3.0.2 is already active along with the sweet talents. Exception: nerf pallies pls!!!

Anyway... yeah it might be a little troubling that I spend weekend after weekend cooped up in my room. Weekdays are the same. Am raiding hardcore with Ainarielle right now & my raid schedule is pretty much full - the only true off day being Tues when the server undergoes maintainence. Saturdays are mostly full days on Barthilas, now that the combined runs seem to happen more frequently & Sundays 1/2 Barth 1/2 Dread. Admittedly I do get a tad exhausted now and then... and give myself a couple of "off time" to play an alt on another server or to just do random stuff on my warrior.

At times I wonder: am I a hermit coz I'm gaming 24/7 or am I gaming 24/7 coz I'm a hermit. Lolx. I guess itz one deadly circle. Doesn't help that I don't have much of a social circle in the 1st place. Oh yeah I've got a few friends, a few maybe-friends and a handful or so of acquaintances... but virtually no activities outside the home. Makes me wonder even more about what I've thought before - that u hang out with ppl outta convenience more than anything else. Itz like, u tend to hang out more frequently with those who live near u, with those who wrk/study with you... etc. For those who are not, it takes "so much" effort that most just don't bother. Takes so much energy just to press a few buttons on the handphone's keypad u knoe? Especially for those who come in pairs - they just don't seem to have much energy to begin with!! Can't blame them. I might do the same if I were in their shoes since friendship is kinda unreliable in this day & age. Yet another nasty circle ehz? lmao.

Ah well ~ whatever, yeah?

Speaking of WoW... this raid nerf is getting a little on my nerves. The end-game raids are now so fcking easy that itz become a joke. Scrubs are getting their T6 pieces. Itz no longer exclusive for those who actually can play. eg. I've gotten my Slayer's gloves on my rogue... but itz no longer a big deal, coz Azgalor is now a little kitten. Even Mother has lost her edge. As I'm typing this... am waiting for my guildies to turn in their T6 shoulder tokens. We totally busted her ass with more than 1/2 the raid lying dead on the floor. Bleahhh wotlk is like 3 weeks away. I wonder if I'll get my shoulders b4 just stops raiding for level grinding. Not that it matters too much imo. Those stuff are gonna be pretty much useless @ lvl 80. Got my worries come wotlk, about getting parties for instances, but guess I'll have to face it when I get to it. Will be hard w/o friends on that server... but well, can always keep my fingers crossed.

As for . We haven't been having much luck with raids. After the nerf, the weekend was a server dead time. We didn't get to do SSC nor ZA - am pretty sure we can clear it with the nerf, such a shame that we can't do it the normal way though... too many scrubs. Well ~ anyhow I've gotten my 1st pc of T5 from loot reaver durng one of the combined guild runs into TK on pre-nerf mode. Yeah... those combined runs are pretty much a double edge sword. Got guildies actually preferring to turn up for those runs than our own organised ones. Bahh!! Time to clean up the roster come wotlk after intensive recruitment!! Itz gonna be a fresh start for the guild in a way... I just hope we'll make it this time, though tbh, 80% of my focus will be on my rogue (has more potential there).

Guess will just take thing as they come like I always do. None of my plans work out anyway.

Time to face the Illidari Council. I wonder if I'll get to meet Illidan this night.

2008-09-08T03:59:00.000+08:00

"1,063 Posts, last published on Jul 11, 2008"

Those words greeted me when I logged on.

Itz been a while it seems. Sep 8, 2008 today. Got curious & read the last 2 posts of mine. Rofl apparently things don't change much. I disappear for a bit, I get back to blogging again. I wonder why. I dun even know if anyone reads this blog anymore. Guess it doesn't matter. It seems like I'm writing for the sake of writing. I've always loved writing.

There was once in my Life, I did think I'd grow up to be a writer.

Here I am now. I'll be 27 @ the end of this year. All grown up I suppose. Bahhh fck, this seems to gonna be all that self-pity again. That stinks. I'm going on to 27.

What should "regular" people be doing at this point of their lives. Well... let me see.

I've got friends who have already tied the knot. Some, well, they have been together with their significant other for so goddamned long that it seems as if they are married anyway lol. I've got friends who are already parents themselves. Friends about to be parents.

Myself? I've been so fcking lazy with all that procrastination that I haven't even gotten my divorce legalised yet. Oh yeah sure, I've moved out. I have yet to unpack the boxes totally though. I met up with a long-time friend last week, and the question that was asked was - what the hell am I waiting for? Gah! To be frank? I dunno. Just wat the fck am I waiting for? It's not as if I'm still feeling all sentimental and somehow hoping that there's still a chance that the r/s is gonna work out. I'm not that pathetic. Oh yeah, it'll be great to have someone significant in my life... but know what? I just ain't that lucky.

The same friend too mentioned something. About the thought that there's someone for everyone out there. What did I think about that? Well ~ the little girl still in me somewhere clings on to the fairytale that yes, there IS someone out there for me. Someone among the sea of people. Someone whom I'm destined to be with. Someone that will somehow cross my path someday & I'd know it when it happens. You know, it'd be really sweet if that was true. The mere thought of love at 1st sight, then a happy ever after. I'd like to believe that. Really.

But Life just doesn't wrk that way, does it?

I ain't even gonna go into the part whereby... I don't have a career. Oh, wait a second. I don't even have a fcking job rite now, much less a career. I'm in all aspects, nth better than a bummer. *sigh* I just dun wanna think about that rite now.

Why am I writing? I don't know. I guess I'm writing coz I want to. I'm writing coz, I dunno... I'm writing coz I wanna make sense of how a movie can actually make me use up like 1 pkt of tissue paper. FFS. I'm so damn thankful that I didn't watch it in the cinema. I'd have made a perfect fool of myself imo. I dunno. It just pressed the sensitive button I suppose. Or perhaps, it's becoz of what I've experienced the past few years that made me soft like this. Lolx ~ now I'm just starting to sound like a total loser. But hell... I know what I feel. It just made me cry and smile @ the same time. Perhaps the reason y it did, is coz, it seems that it's telling me, there is still hope in this world. That things will get better somehow.

Besides... as mentioned near the end of the 2hr long film. There are many different kinds of love out there. And the part that makes the most sense - no one really gets through this Life alive.

Oh!! The title of the movie?

P.S. I Love You.

2008-07-11T17:59:00.000+08:00

Randomly surfed into Lewies blog while doing a search under a few guildie's names (to see whether TM is easily found on the world wide web) and found a link to this religion quiz that caught my attention. Basically am interested to find out what kinda religion I "should be practicing", not that it's gonna affect my intention to stay a [almost] netural of course! Anyway after 20 questions...

Your Results:
The top score on the list below represents the faith that Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in order of how much they have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Neo-Pagan (91%)
3. Secular Humanism (88%)
4. Liberal Quakers (85%)
5. New Age (80%)
6. Theravada Buddhism (76%)
7. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (71%)
8. Mahayana Buddhism (69%)
9. Nontheist (64%)
10. Taoism (63%)
11. Reform Judaism (51%)
12. New Thought (49%)
13. Scientology (48%)
14. Orthodox Quaker (42%)
15. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (38%)
16. Bahai Faith (35%)
17. Hinduism (35%)
18. Sikhism (35%)
19. Jainism (33%)
20. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (21%)
21. Orthodox Judaism (21%)
22. Seventh Day Adventist (19%)
23. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (15%)
24. Eastern Orthodox (11%)
25. Islam (11%)
26. Roman Catholic (11%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (7%)

My 1st reaction was - huh? Wth is Unitarian Universalism? And as I read down the list, more "wth"s came about. I never even heard of some of the religions mentioned. Well of coz I know there are more than simply the mainstream ones (eg. Christianity, Buddhism… etc.) around, and that “Christian” is just a general term for the different err… churches of belief… I just didn’t expect to be confronted by so many unfamiliar names. Most of all, I didn’t expect that my 100% match to be something I’ve never even heard about!! Lol on a side-thought, I wonder if Satanism is included in the pool of “available” religions. Heh well if u are feel curious, u can take the What Religion Am I Quiz to see how u "fare".

Of coz am not gonna just let the matter go this way w/o finding out more. Did a Wikipedia search and some stuff I learnt is that... itz a "creedless religion" that emphasises on "spritual growth and development". Sounds pretty simillar to what I've been practicing all this while actually, though all this while I've thought that the profile of an "agnostic" best suits me. Then again, I've never heard of Unitarian Universalism till today.

/shrug will find out more, will post more another time. For now... itz off to Orchard to watch Hellboy 2!!

2008-07-11T16:23:00.000+08:00

:: "REAL" LIFE ::

o.O Last post 2nd June 2008. Itz 11th July 2008 today... whoah itz been that long since I last posted something here? Srsly, time really does fly. The hours & minutes trickle by @ work... they are painful nontheless... but the days and months - they are over before u think manx. Which reminds me. It's more than 3 years from my ROM date now. In fact, I hit the 3 year mark like 4 mths ago. And I am still procrastinating -.-" Nah ~ I no longer have any qualms about ending this. The reason y I'm dragging is coz I'm lazy I suppose. I keep putting off giving the lawyer a call, making an appointment and all. I keep telling myself, next week, next week, next mth... yak yak yak. All talk and no action *sigh* w/o settling this issue, I'll never be able to truly close this disastrous chapter of my life and move on.

Ookie, no more procrastination this time (I hope).

Dad suggested that I approach a laywer @ my wrk place to handle this case coz it'll be more convenient should I have to sign papers and all. It might be cheaper as well, to be frank. But I dun think am gonna do that. My point of trepidation is, this divorce thing will involve tons of mud-slinging from both sides. It won't really do good for ppl at my wrk place to know the details of it going on. No doubt it's supposed to be confidential info. Keywords: supposed to be. I daresay such nonsense will spread as well as a forest fire on a hot & dry day manx. So I guess it'd be better to seperate wrk & personal life. I mean... u don't install a toilet bowl in ur dining area rite? Though I still have the same kinda I-dun-give-a-fark-how-u-see-me attitude as I had during my teenage years, and I really dun give a damn how my colleagues view me... I ain't stupid enough to get myself into an unpleasant situation of facing a sea of endless questions frm those who are "concerned".

Now that I’ve manage to convince myself further… the nxt thing I gotta do is arrange for an appointment to meet up with a lawyer to discuss this matter in detail & get the ball rolling. My medical & annual leave is in the negative now (will go into further details later). Can’t afford to take any more. But… on the 21st, I’ll be going to extract my 2nd wisdom tooth, and that’ll grant me [unpaid] medical leave for another 5 days. I will fix an appointment during one of those days. Probably either Thurs or Fri – coz it is a little difficult to speak the 1st few days after extraction. I hope I remember though. Hmmm… will set an handphone reminder to fix the appointment. Yeah ~ memory ain’t to good these days. My mind is full of one thing only - WoW.

Have I ever mentioned wad this goddamned game is doing to me? Time & again I look @ myself in the mirror. I gaze @ the nerd looking back and me and I never stop questioning – what the fark have I become? That unkempt hair straggled past the shoulders, sticking out in 100-and-1 directions. That pallid face filled with pimples & blackheads. That damned pair of glasses on the stubby nose hiding half-opened eyes. *sigh* unfortunately that is who I am right now. I keep telling myself, to go for a swim, to get a tan, to go have a haircut, to go for a facial, to get some new clothes… etc. but all those resolutions just go to Hell when I turn Phoenix II on and double click on the WoW icon in the top right hand corner of the screen after gazing @ the handsome Death Knight on me wallpaper. Holy tauren! How the fark am I ever gonna snag myself a guy if I look this way [n.b.: I don’t really need one, am sure I can survive pretty good alone. But having a partner in Life would be a bonus.]? Oh gwad… even that once flat tummy is starting to bloat out, that ass is starting to get flabby and the tighs are starting to resemble pig trotters (result of sitting on my ass like 8hrs a day in the office). WTF?

The only good thing that has happened the past mth is… I’ve stopped smoking. Lolx. Something unexpected, but toally welcome. I ain’t 100% over it yet though. Time and again I get the Urge, especially when I’m upset over something or when I’m in deep thought… or when I’m waiting for some aFk-er to get back so we can proceed with the raid. The Urge is hard to ignore. Gives me a certain sense of victory when I don’t immediately walk into my bro’s room to snitch a stick off him. Err why the sudden desire to quit? I really dunno. Itz just that, since I haven’t picked up a stick for a considerable amt of time already… I just wanna keep it this way and perhaps not smoke regularly ever again.

So how did that come about?

Well… it began with my 1st wisdom tooth extraction on the 10th last month. I took my “last” puff @ approx 11:30am. Then went in to face the evil man with drill. It took less than 3 min. The procedure was painless but the injections b4 that were “WTH” type. It bled like fck though… bit on a piece of guaze all the way home, replace the gauze and continued biting for like the better half of the day -.-“ Thank goodness my recovery process was uneventful. It’s advisable not to smoke during the recovery stage as it might hamper with the process. So I didn’t smoke. Not till that Sat when I lost my cool in Karazhan due to aggro-hold issues frm other guildies. That was just 1 stick. The week after, I took medical leave + annual leave (that was 75% due to sloth and 25% due to not feeling to good ~ and yes that is 50% of the reason y my medical & annual leave is now at it’s negative) and I didn’t leave the house during that time. No cigs. Too lazy to go buy. Fought off the urge. After that week, went back to wrk on 23/7/2008. Lasted 1 week and then I had stomach issues, that took me out for the rest of the week (3 days mc, 2 days urgent leave – the other 50% of the reason).

Today is the end of the week that I returned to work. Yeah, am still smoke-free and am glad I am. I just hope nothing screws up in my Life that badly till I’ll have to reach for a stick to calm myself down & retain my sanity. Thank goodess am not attached. A r/s is the best way to turn a person’s life topsy turvy. The divorce gonna be a tricky issue… and it’ll test my patience for sure… but am NOT gonna give it. I wanna quit. Lol yeah for no apparent reason other than I want to (which is the best reason in the world imo). I’ll make this promise to myself here today. Should I not pick up another ciggie till the end of this year, I’ll say then for sure, “I’ve quit smoking”… and will obtain bragging rights to that accomplishment. Wish me luck, really ^-^

Overseas study wise, I’ve been toying with the idea of simply taking the plunge. Raise enough or take a loan to handle the Foundation year studies and see if I make the mark. I mean, itz pointless to worry about raising 380k when I can’t even get past the door rite? Of coz, should I do that, WoW will have to take a back seat – I’ll probably pass the GM duties to another and demote myself to a purely weekend raider. It will be difficult but am willing to do so, for the grade. Of coz putting in effort doesn’t necessary mean being able to attain the grade – but it would mean that at least I’ve tried. If I have tried, and failed… well, I’ll have no choice but to return to Singapore & think of what I wanna do nxt. But if I pass, ah hah ~ I’ll be on the way of attaining my dream. Whether the dream will turn out to be a nightmare or otherwise, I don’t know rite now… but I know I’ll be kicking myself in the ass if I don’t even try. As to raising the $ if I am accepted into vet school, well, I’ll think about crossing the river when I get to the river =S

Another case of all talk no action? ROFL I really not not!! So when will I take any form of action? Let me get my divorce settled 1st. Once that is done, I’ll apply for entry into foundation studies. Deadline to commence foundation studies? Year 2010. Damnit. I’ll be 29 then, I know. Thatz fcking old… but well, I guess itz then or never. If things go well, I’ll commence university studies when I’m 30, graduate @ 36. *sigh* Doesn’t sound too appealing huh? Considering that there’ll be others who are like a full decade younger starting on the same level. Am 10 years late. Hell ~ better later than never I suppose. That is only IF things go the way I plan. All I can do is keep fingers crossed & take things as they come. Bah!! The unpredictability of “Real” Life (not that the "Virtual" one is much better).

PS. Have fixed an appointment with the hairdresser on this Sunday. Hopefully that'll save me from looking like a total washout -.-"

:: "VIRTUAL" LIFE ::

My sentiments are reflected in the following quote, from Rochelle of Tank! Hard

"I found lately that I really hate everything in WoW except arena and raiding. Doing daily quests is physically painful for me. I go crazy flying around looking for mining nodes. I am terribly overgeared to do heroics or regular 5 mans and I am accustomed to a high level of play from those around me so pugs make blood shoot out of my eyeballs. Alliance in my battlegroup just turns off their brain when they enter a battleground and sometimes it seems like they are actively working against their team. I have run Karazhan approximately 122394512341 times. I never liked ZA. I kinda like leveling characters so I might get a few of my mid level characters up to 70 over the next few weeks."

Alright, I gotta admit. My guild hasn't gotten that far in progression like Rochelle's did. Triple Moons is still ain't how I wished it would be... but there have been some visible improvements. Guild issues aside for now, that is exactly how I feel these days. I hate doing the dailies. Despite the nice gold that is barely sufficient to cover my plate repair costs & periodic spending sprees, it is extremely painful to do them. Not only does the routine bore the hell outta me, it sux big time when I get ganked in the middle of doing them – and boy do I get ganked. A prot warrior is quite a tasty target imo. They take a fcking long time to die, but for sure they can’t do shit back to u (unless u are a rogue and u are alone). I ain’t gonna go into the frustration I feel against horde & how much I wish those low-lifers will just decompose – well, I won’t go into details on this post at least. Back to the topic, dailies. *sigh* I love the gold, really. I need the gold. I just can’t bring myself to do those quests over and over and over again every single fcking day. Flying around looking for nodes, no thanks. I never did that, and am not gonna start coz I know I’ll need a ciggie if I ever do that.

The issue about PUGs in heroics, being accustomed to a higher level of play. That I can relate to. Me and my regular heroic mates are now sufficiently geared to complete a heroic in less than an hour (with exception of the longer TK ones eg. Botanic, Arcatraz… etc.). h. UB will probably just take us 45-50min, and yes, that is with wasting time between pulls talking shit like we usually do. Hence, when I end up with a lower-geared guildie or with a pug that passes the 1hr mark, I get impatient. Plus, I get extremely frustrated when I die. 1 death means abt 5g repair on my Erulisse rite now, and abt 3g repair on Ainarielle. Wipes during heroics are no longer tolerable. Neither are wipes & deaths in Karazhan. Yeah I know, I can still remember how long we took back in “those days” but this is NOW. Those days are history. With such gear, I shouldn’t put up with this kinda shit… hence, I barely PUG on Eru anymore. I might PUG Aina now and then… but thatz coz her deaths don’t cost that much and there’s always the chance to vanish to avoid a repair fee altogether. I refuse to do dailys for gold, remember? Hence I dun wanna make my cash-tight situation worse. I don’t even need loot in heroics anymore for both of them. I just do them, for badges. And coz I’ve got many other things I have to do, yes, lousy pugs just make me wanna shoot blood outta my eyeballs.

Progression wise, am not even halfway near where Rochelle is. Rochelle is 7/8 T6. I’m only with 2 pcs of T4 + SSO badge vendor gear. I can’t imagine how I’m gonna feel when I’ve reach that stage of play. If I ever do that is.

My doubt spawns from the situation of my guild. I’m the GM of TM now. Head’s quit WoW for good, and yeah, he did so w/o a word to the displeasure of some guildies. *sigh* Have been trying my best to improve the situation and though it isn’t progressing as quickly as I hope it would, certain things have improved – and it those slight improvements that keep me away from deserting them though frankly, there’s never a day that I don’t think of simply disbanding the guild. The players keep me there too. I adore my guildmates more than they’ll ever know I do (with exception of the pansy). They gave me something invaluable – a “home” to return to after a long day @ wrk. They may seem like jerks to some, but beneath all that shit, the majority of them are actually really sweet. I guess I think… I might be able to just forgo WoW ambition to stick with them. The same mind vs heart conflict I had mths back. That conflict will never fade until I find a balance I suppose. Then again, it might be just me who has too high expectations of others. Ah well ~ I guess I'll figure out a decision someday. For now I just gotta take things a step and a time and try to resist the urge of a guild quit >.<

Anyway improvements include – we have a guild website set up and new forums that has seen more traffic than the old ones. We’re posting raids on the forum & guildies are starting to make use of it. I’m still responsible for the bulk of the posts, but seeing more than 1 name on the thread is an improvement from before. Nth I and the officers can do about this. Can only hope that in time, the other guildies will get into it as well.

Also, we’ve gotten 2 raid teams set up – Team Alpha & Team Omega. Team Alpha (the one that Eru is MT of) has recently moved into Zul’Aman (3/6 bosses 1 timed chest). New content. Finally!! Am going for a 4/6 run this weekend + 2 timed chests and with luck we’ll be able to attempt Hex Lord. Then Zul’jin next week. Lol ~ yeah players are still being “idiots” here and there... but on the overall I think Team Alpha is doing good. We could have done better, if Blizz didn’t screw us up during our 1st 2 attempts. Saving ½ the raid team in 1 raid ID, and the other ½ in another during our 1st ZA run is just fucked up, and the repeated d/c-ing of Telstra users last week was !#%!&~. Both times, raid got called… this week, it better be different!! Karazhan farming for Team Alpha is now down to 4.5hrs. Nice, but not good enough. Goal is a < 4hr run. With our gear, with our skills we can do it. Itz just the aFks and bloopers now & then that is time wasting.

Team Omega still needs some work though. Have recruited a few New Moons during the past 2 weeks (thanx to the effort of nasi)… some turned out to be assholes & ended up booted, some left due to reasons unknown, one was lost due to a misunderstanding… but the few who remained look promising. It’s also great that I no longer have to bother myself with both raid teams and just concentrate on guild matters on the whole – have left them to the appointed raid leaders. Though I never wanted this GM mantle in the 1st place, well, I gotta admit it is pretty nice to be “in charge” of things. I just hope that guild politics will never surface!! Dun wanna ruin the r/s between guildies coz that r/s is the glue thatz holding everything together! Anyway ~ as I was mentioning, Team Omega needs a little work, to fill up the core slots. Tanks are settled. Will need to settle heals & then gather Kara experience on the overall for the team. Have faith that it could be done in time.

Hopefully it won’t take too long for Team Omega to get geared up and set Karazhan on farm too. It shouldn’t take as long as we did with Alpha – Alpha was a mess coz Alpha wasn’t really set up till recently, as no one really bothered with administrative stuff back then and everyone was just waiting for Head to return to fix things. On a side note, am annoyed with Head for doing things this way. It sux really. He shouldn’t have left w/o a word and shld have handed the GM title over to someone else (doesn’t have to be me – coz I don’t really think am a fabulous leader) who could change things sooner. Perhaps if he did, we would be past ZA and raiding SSC/TK… maybe even BT by now. But now that is over, I really hope things could pick up to make up for lost time. The objective for forming Team Omega is to have another 10 raid-ready members to move on to 25-man content. We’ll need that headcount post ZA.

Orei (who is in a hardcore raid guild) mentioned that he spent too much time on WoW already not to see end-game content. Well, know what? I fcking feel the same. I don’t wanna turn TM into a hardcore raid guild. I just want to see more commitment, more dedication… more progress. I want TM to be one of the few casual raiding guilds who actually CAN make it on Barthilas. I want TM to reach the point whereby… we don’t have to advertise on Trade channel to gather new members. Instead ppl wld have heard of us, and would want to join. I won’t compare us to established guilds like Reincarnation or Vestige. I just don’t want us to remain unknowns forever. The guildies are wonderful people, they deserve it.

That’s why I’m still there.

I declined moving Ainarielle to Dreadmaul, even if that meant I would have progressed further than ZA. I don’t deny that part of the reason y I didn’t move her is coz I was skeptical of Mai’s offer. Well ~ rite now there is no space for me on his guild… am thankful I didn’t move Aina over anyway. But I might… I just might search for another guild for Aina, one that raids more than once per week. Am getting bored of simply waiting for the weekends to raid, am getting exasperated when I post a raid & no one signs up… etc. I ain’t giving up on them… but for sure, I don’t wanna be held back. Problem ish, there are too may rogues in Barth already. Everytime I LFG for heroics or raids, I see rogues. TM too, is overflowing with rogues lol – alts aside, the 3 shadows + del + pancake and recently Nat = 6. Should I include alts Aina & Jeb, it’ll be wad… 8 rogues? Too many dude!! Max I’m willing to take into a 10-man is 2 rogues, and to a 25-man raid 4. But well… not all of our rogues are active so…

Ah well ~ once again, the best option is to take things as they come & cross toes for stuff to work out eventually. Not much different than what is going on with the other part of my Life =)

:: OVERALL ::

Whatever it is, despite all my laments and self-doubts, I think... I can safely say... I'm happy with how Life is (though it can always be better). For now.

2008-06-02T14:59:00.001+08:00

I hope I don’t end up losing a friend.

Guildie of mine was really down yesterday… he said that his gf, also in TM, is leaving him – that she is not returning to Sydney becoz she doesn’t feel the same way anymore, and haven’t been feeling that way for quite sometime. I dunno what exactly took place, and apparently Lewie has no idea either coz Aeld refused to tell him what was wrong. I won’t go into further details as this matter is not my own… and it’s pointless speculating either (though I have this inkling that WoW has a part in all this). All I care to say is… he has this suspicion for a while, and back then I was trying to tell him to look towards the bright side & not to fear for the worst. That was a white lie on my part. I contemplated telling him what I really thought… but since the picture I have in my head is just as bleak as his is, I decided against it. I wonder… if it’s wrong of me to lie in such situations. I know that deep down inside he still has a certain amount of hope, and I ain’t gonna dump cold water on that, and potentially make things worse.

I’m worried about Lewie. Am afraid that he would do something disastrous. He was telling me last nite, on top of a mushroom in Zanga, that it’ll be good if he’d just go out for a drive & crash in the process… then he won’t have to worry about anything anymore. *sigh* I remember having similar thoughts not too long ago. All I could do was tell him that the r/s is not 100% over, and that there’s still a chance that they would work things out. I didn’t believe what I said to him at all. Usually, when a girl decides to leave & didn’t mention a reason… well… it’s probably a problem that has existed for quite sometime – only that the guy didn’t notice by failing to pick up the subtle hints the girl sends. Of coz, there’s always the nasty idea that Aeld has found someone else. I dun wanna think about that. The impression I have of Aeld is that she’s a really nice girl. I don’t wanna start thinking that she’s a slut or something. Anyway, we talked for a bit before Lewie logged off to sleep – though am pretty sure he’ll get no rest that night.

That isn’t the worrying part. I don’t think he’ll do anything extreme last nite. What am worried is that he might not ever come on again. He mentioned that he’ll be taking a break from WoW for a indefinite period of time & that he might not even be on MSN anymore as he probably won’t be able to afford the Internet now that he has to bear the full cost of the rentals & car installments. I asked him to drop me an SMS or something, to let me know he’s okay. He said he might not even be able to pay the phone bill. I just hope that he doesn’t really mean that. I'll hate it if someone simply vanishes from my life just like that. Friends that drift apart is another thing altogether... this is different. Despite knowing him for less than a year, I know this is one friend who is worth retaining. I just hope he’ll be alright. It sux that there’s no way for me to find out. Damnit, I don’t even know his real name. All I know is that he’s from Sydney & that he's studying & wrking @ the same time.

Gahhhhh I really hope he'll be alright... to at least be on MSN even if not on WoW. A healer on WoW can be replaced, a friend... no way.

2008-05-30T18:01:00.000+08:00

Decision made. Itz one tooth, then the other. The 1st surgery is scheduled for 11/6/2008, 11am. Tuesday. Shame that the dentist isn’t available on a Monday – was hoping to make full use of the 5 days MC, and a pity that there aren’t any open slots earlier. Was hoping to get this over and done with asap… then move on to the right tooth before it further damages my molar. Yeah eventually I’ll have to do a root canal or something to repair the molar too… but that’ll have to be way after the removal of both teeth. *sigh* This ain’t the 1st time my teeth is causing money to be burnt. I still remember the braces back then in poly - that was another amazingly expensive thingy, and another nightmare itself Zzz

35min more b4 I can go home. Am simply blogging just to make time “pass more quickly”. I just wanna go home to WoW. Have got plans for this weekend for my many toons… and it includes setting up a guild of my own. A guild that shelters all my alts on Barth for the time being (until they get invites to others with pretty tabards). Hopefully I’ll manage to find ppl to sign the charter easily enough. It’ll mean that Kiandra will have to leave Front Line. Quite a shame since I like the tabard & the ppl there seem nice enough. /shrugx doesn’t matter… I barely took part in conversation and it’ll be a while before I’m gonna level the hunter. In fact, how often do I even logon the hunter to actually play? I will have to get her to lv 70 eventually, I suppose, for enchanting purposes. So many toons, so little progression. When will TM ever move out from Karazhan!? T.T

Main reason y I wanna set up this guild is storage management. Got the idea from a blog I read recently. The guild bank will serve as a shared bank between my toons, making it easier to track my items. Another bonus is, between the lowbies, it’ll save a considerable amount of postage. I might contemplate deleting Tiny after this bank is set up… but current intentions are for Tiny to be the guild master, complete with a tuxedo ^-^ Am thinking of opening up 2 bank tabs 1st… but am not sure. It’ll depend how much it costs for one coz the priority for my gold now is Aina’s epic flight mount. Come to think of it, the gb will be a nice version of a shared “savings account” between the lower toons too!

With all that planning going on, makes me wonder if Aina will ever move outta Barth. Am tempted, really. I wanna go over to Dreadmaul to join the former STDers for guild progression. They are venturing into Gruul’s this Sun, then ZA on Mon. Their typical Kara run is 3hrs, full-clear. Compared to what TM is doing… that’s a huge leap. Am tempted to just leave Eru to decompose on Barth & concentrate on Aina. She’s supposed to be my main afterall =) Ah well… will see how things go. Once I’ve got another farm toon to replace Aina on Barth, there won’t be a reason for her to stay there anymore (except maybe leatherwrking items - but that isn't that huge an issue coz I can always buy the leg armor frm AH).

Ah well... time to go home ^-^

2008-05-27T17:28:00.000+08:00

This is… undesirable. An upcoming blow to my pocket that I can afford, yet wish I could avoid. I have yet to give up the thoughts of studying Veterinary Science despite the seemingly insurmountable odds (that, I’ll mention later in the post) & any action that requires depleting those already insufficient funds is totally fcked up. Anyway, the monetary issue facing me right now. I am due for “minor surgery”. It’s no big deal. It shouldn’t be life-threatening. There is a 1% risk of complication that may result in temporary and permanent nerve damage, but it’s a risk that has to be taken. It is a necessary procedure that can’t be avoided. Yeah sure, pain will be involved. It will have to be tolerated then. Considering that it’s merely physical, it shouldn’t be too bad. But bah! Wish I don't have to do it.

Kk, enough of all that dramatisation. It's simple - I went to the dentist today T.T

Took time off from work (which means I’ll probably have to put up a show and tolerate for another 1/2hr per day for the rest of this week) to make the trip down to Midpoint Orchard earlier today coz the left bottom wisdom tooth has been annoying me since a week ago. I initially brushed it off as the usual irritation that takes place now and then – the tooth is ½ covered by my gum & infection is bound to occur on and off – and waited for it to simply go away. It didn’t, and it got worse. The swelling is annoying, my throat hurts and I can’t even open my mouth in a wide yawn without flinching after. Well… at the worst case, I’ll end up having to remove the tooth. That’s what I thought.

Wrong. The x-ray revealed more pain ahead for me. The left bottom wisdom tooth has to be extracted for sure. And so does the right bottom one. WTF!! That was the 1st thought that sprang into my head. Yeah I knew that the right wisdom tooth is peeking out a little under the gum, but considering that it hasn’t brought me any discomfort till date, I totally ignored its existence. Never did I know, unknowingly, that little tooth has wrecked more damage than then one bothering me for so long. Jutting out a little, it exposed a gap, which is inaccessible to the toothbrush, between my right last molar & it, allowing food to enter and bacteria to form. The result was… my last right molar is showing signs of decay. Verdict: to save my last molar, to prevent the decay from getting worse, the wisdom tooth has to go.

It means 2 extractions instead of one. Wait, take that back. 2 minor surgeries instead of one – considering that the tooth isn’t full exposed so a regular extraction cannot be done. According to the dentist, the right wisdom tooth will be tricky. It will involve scraping the bone slightly due to its nasty position. After the tooth is gone & the wound is healed, only then will the dentist be able to try work on the decay of the last molar. *sigh* The human body is prone indeed. Medical problems just seem to arise as a person grows older. That sux.

The question facing me now is – should I extract them tooth by tooth, or should I just say fck it and do both @ the same time and get over with it. Colleagues & friends have mentioned that it’ll be very painful (pain is subjective) and that there’s a risk of excess bleeding… plus I won’t be able to eat for quite sometime. Well, just look at it this way. If I remove 1 tooth, I won’t be able to eat properly anyway. Might as well do 2 at the same time and suffer more. Question is – how bad is the pain exactly? Lolx ~ I did remove 2 pre-molars in one go during my poly years when I had braces, and the feeling stinks. The bleeding stopped only on the 3rd day and I had to tolerate a throbbing head for the 1st 2 days even with painkillers. Not to mention, I didn’t wanna eat. Those were only the pre-molars. These are the wisdom teeth.

Hmm… and there’s the MC issue too. Dentist mentioned that I’ll be granted 5 days MC when I remove the tooth. Should I be an ass & take 5 days… then another 5 days? Or should I be a good worker and minimize the amount of leave I’m gonna obtain? Oh yeah, I can actually be golden & schedule the procedure on a Friday, so the weekend will be included in my MC and technically I’ll be absent from work only for 3 days. On the other extreme, I can be a super asshole and schedule my surgery twice – both on Mondays… which will allow me a full week’s rest (I’ll do that if I’m extracting 2 at once for sure).

Bah! The x-ray further revealed that my top 2 wisdom teeth are out too. They just have yet to surface and are merely below the gum. Wth manx? Behold my immense wisdom! Bleah ~ currently they are not of any concern… my only hope is that they won’t emerge ever. Should they remain where they are, all will be good. I didn’t ask the dentist for a quote. I just know I won’t like the answer. Today’s consultation, inclusive of the x-ray and some cleaning of my bottom left tooth came up to $78. That isn’t good. I can expect a hefty medical bill for extracting both. Hmm… question is, will it be cheaper if I do one after another coz that can be done @ NTUC Denticare clinic; or will it be cheaper should I do both though that will require a specialist? I won’t be surprised if the bill comes up to nearly 1k. Medical bills are crazy. Doctors earn insane stacks of money - thatz y parents are always wishing that their kids either be doctors or lawyers.

Itz just a shame that I never had an interest in either of those fields. Or I should be sitting my fat ass on some comfy arm chair rite now, and able to afford those trips to far countries that I've always wanted to embark on.

I don’t know how much animal doctors earn. The paycheck doesn’t matter for that. I just hope it’ll be ample to cover the debt I’ll incur should I take the plunge. Met up with a local agent last weekend. Veterinary Science – a 5+1 year course. Estimated moolah for the entire duration, inclusive of living costs, school fees & books… etc: $380,000.00 after conversion to Sing dollars. Enough to purchase a HDB flat in Singapore for sure. That is should I take the Australian path. Did not inquire about the UK and US universities as I assumed they would be more expensivo. However – I recently ventured into SVA’s website and the estimated fees seemed cheaper for US options. Anyway, the amount is the problem. $380k. How the fck am I supposed to raise that amount? Gahhh I won’t even be able to do it even if I shld resort to prostitution (which I will NOT). Obtaining it from a loanshark is outta the question too.

Yeah, I can hear the word “bank loan”. It won’t be sufficient. Banks only grant up to $150k max for educational loans. That’ll mean I’ve to somehow regurgitate $230k on my own. University student pass holders are allowed to work 20hrs per week in Aussie. That will probably be sufficient to cover the rental weekly – assuming that I manage to find a lobang there. Parents are not supportive. I mentioned it casually to my dad, he simply brushed it aside w/o even showing a desire to help. All he said was – why don’t I go do a law degree locally instead? Fck it. Will not. Have already made the mistake of taking a Mass Comm degree that I didn’t utilize right now, won’t wanna waste more time doing a 2nd hated one.

Don’t get me wrong, am not expecting my parents to sponsor my education this time. They have already done their part in bringing me up and paying for my initial education (even though it turned out to be not what my heart desires). They have done so much for me so far, even offering to subsidize my upcoming divorce bills, and I don’t wish to ask them for more. They have savings, I know. But their savings are not for me to tap into. Their savings are for them to enjoy their golden years… and face it, it isn’t enough anyway. All I wished for was, their support in this matter – and perhaps any amount of help they can offer eg. suggestions to raising the funds, any financial bodies that they might know off… etc. Am kinda disappointed that all my dad did was flick the idea away.

Well, whatever. Guess I’m on my own on this matter. Thing now is I have simply no idea where to start looking and what to do 1st. *sigh* So many issues I gotta handle. Then there’s the divorce. I can’t procrastinate any further. I’ll have to start the ball rolling somehow, get things settled one at a time. Now I wonder if I should simply do the divorce @ my wrk place. Time to make some phone calls I suppose. Make that… loads of phone calls.

1st task to get outta the way - the wisdom teeth. The price of being... wise. ROFL

2008-05-21T17:15:00.000+08:00

S-T-R-E-S-S. Everyone complains of stress day in and out. Think I’m joining the ranks of the whiners sooner or later. I won’t complain of stress, yet… but @ this point of time, 3 aspects of my Life requires decisions.

1. Work

It’s funny that though I felt my patience was stretched to its limit, it still hasn’t snapped yet. I won’t deny it, am extremely frustrated during work hours. Root of the problem is that level ?? (boss) bitch. I thought it would improve after moving over to this new firm. It didn’t. Am not sure if it has gotten worse, or if my tolerance has gone down. It was mentioned that coming over, I will not have to handle certain files due to the availability of more experienced secretaries doing them. Well… bullshit. Am still handling litigation shit. The only difference now is, there are the old birds to help me with them – I always end up asking them how to do certain stuff instead… when that is actually the goddamned lawyer’s duty.

Plus I still gotta make drinks for that bitch every morning. Naturally I don’t even make them properly… I put as much milo powder as I feel like putting… as much water as I felt like pressing out frm the hot flask… etc. It was already unbearable at the old office. It is much worse there. Every other lawyer gets their own drinks. I am a legal secretary, not a personal assistant. Do u know how belittling that is – asking me to do such shit everyday? Why do I have to fcking wash her cup?! Why do I have to do her personal shit like filling up personal forms, writing an envelope for her… wad the fck manz? Disabled? Handicapped? Nbcb lah. I don't see her doing that to anyone else, just me. Is that coz I'm the one w/o experience so I'm the easiest target? OR is it becoz I'm frm her old firm & she probably thinks I won't protest? It's not that I don't mind. I DO fucking hell mind!!! ffs!!! I'm not here to be a maid... and having to multi-task this way is definitely not worth the stupid 1.2k take home pay per mth.

Last year it was different. I was stuck with financial commitments - thanks to the bastard. So I had no choice but to keep that temper in check and retain the job. But rite now... u know what? I don't really give a shit anymore. I am tempted to resign. I will resign. I just wonder if now is the right time to do so. Should I stay on for a couple more mths to make it look nicer on my resume? Should I even fucking care about that?

I will make my decision soon. Very soon. It'll depend on...

2. Overseas study: Veterinary Science

I’ve got an appointment with an overseas agent tml afternoon. I will find out more about the cost & procedures, the availability of study loans… etc. People might say that I’m making a very bad decision, should I decide to go for it, coz I’ll probably end up seriously in debt & paying off my study loan for a very long time. That was the factor of my initial hesitation. However, someone told me recently – that if it’s my dream… I shouldn’t be thinking “should I do it”, instead I should be thinking “how can I do it?”. It is tempting. To just take the plunge & do so, whatever the cost. As the person too mentioned, work is a huge part of life. Might as well do something I like when I’m still able to – instead of regretting like crazy when I’m way too old.

I’ve got a rough plan – speak to a consultant, take foundation studies in Singapore for the next year or so while wrking temp/contract to save up as much as possible, obtain a study loan and just… go for it. While over there, try find a part-time for the weekends & vacations to try pay off as much of my living costs as possible. *shrugx* I know it won’t turn out that easy… and it’ll mean having to give up most of my gaming hours, but guess that’s a price I’m prepared to pay.

So why am I bothered on this aspect? Well… I expect a lot of cold water being thrown on me in the near future – by family and “friends” alike. I just don’t know if I’ve got the energy to withstand all that.

3. World of Warcraft

The guild problem still exists. I don’t expect it to be settled any time soon, I just hope the GM will come online soon enough so we can take steps to rectify it. In the meantime, all I can do is keep reminding myself that I’ve given a deadline till the end of June for progression. Should that not take place by then… guess it’s goodbye.

Been unproductive for the past week – both for Eru & Aina. Well… for Eru it’s expected. There’s a chance only once a week for the shield to drop from NB. The guild isn’t progressing above that so anything above is 0%. Fine. For Aina, well, let’s just say ever since I hit lvl 70, my personal progression is pathetic. There already is a challenge finding a decent PUG – most often, a lot of time is wasted searching for a tank/healer. Then there’s no guarantee I won’t end up with an entire party of noobs. *sigh* Furthermore, I gotta ensure that I’m not a noob myself. My current spec is lousy for dps… I’ll respec probably later – more research & stuff to be done… etc. Not to mention, my luck remains lousy. My loot just refuses to drop. Pah!

So many things to do, check out... study... etc.

2008-05-15T12:06:00.000+08:00

Been quite sometime since I watched any anime (yeah I gave up on Bleach after that Odex incident - too lazy to dl it frm a website & too many episodes... got kinda boring) or read any manga... till Tuesday. WoW server down, was contemplating on either playing Sims 2 or check out Oblivion that I borrowed last weekend. Thought to just sit back & relax a little 1st while having dinner so turned on my portable hdd. Selected [Tsubasa Chronicle]. There goes gaming for the nite. Lol yeah ended up watching ep after ep till I got bogged with so many MSN msgs tat I couldn't alt+tab & watch in peace. Stopped @ ep 6. And now, suddenly, am interested in watching anime all over again!! Not just [Tsubasa Chronicle] but am gonna try get my hands on all the other Clamp stuff as well. Am not just aiming for the anime, but pretty tempted to obtain the manga too (stuff in anime & manga have significant differences afterall) ^-^

Yeah I love Clamp. The 1st ever anime I watched frm them was X/1999 - the one that I daresay will remain in the top of my all-time fave anime list. I actually started with the manga. Itz a shame that it was discon @ vol 18.

Anyway, the main reason that sparked all this interest is the way [Tsubasa Chronicle] is. It features characters who are cross-overs from other Clamp anime.

When I watched the 1st ep, I felt that itz kinda interesting that the female lead is named Sakura & the male is Syaoran, and look like grown-up versions of them - names of the 2 mains in [Cardcaptor Sakura]. As the 1st ep progressed, am introducted to Yukito & The King who are CCS’s Sakura’s older brother & bro’s best friend. The relationship was also “continued” in [Tsubasa Chronicle]. As the story progressed, Sakura was found to possess some magical power, lost her memories & hence Yukito sent Syaoran & her to meet someone who can help. My eyes nearly popped when the Dimensional Witch they visited turned out to be Yuuko from [xxxholic]. I later found out thru’ a little surfing that [Tsubasa Chronicle] and [xxxholic] are linked – even their movies released @ the same time and had cross over scenes.

Note: Till this point of time, though I never really watched [Cardcaptor Sakura], just a few eps here and here on Sat morning cartoons back then, the characters were so distinct that it’s possible simply recognize them @ 1st glance. Also… am only at ep. 4 or 5 of [xxxholic].

By then I was starting to watch the anime with a raised eyebrow… and there was a scene that featured Fay D. Flowright (I can’t spell his name) sealing Ashura. The one who greeted him after he left the pool was none other than Chii, the pasocon from [Chobits]. Phew!!~! Then in Kurogane’s world… his princess Tomoyo. Itz like wtf… Tomoyo? The one from [Cardcaptor Sakura] LoL – since when did she become a princess?

The part that really got me captivated and determined to watch on… is when they went to the 1st world in search of Sakura’s memories. There, they were met by 2 ppl. Very familiar ppl. Sorata & Arashi – cross overs from [X/1999]. That pretty much sealed the deal, considering how much I adored [X/1999]. It was kinda… sweet to see that in this world, the pair are married and co-owning a boarding home. In [X/1999], Sorata’s death was one of the hardest to bear – namely coz he knew it from the start. His grandmother foretold that his death will be becoz of a girl. The minute Sorata met Arashi, he chose her & was eventually killed by taking a death-blow on her behalf, in the form of some “protector” thingy. So it just makes a person wonder – if this Sorata & Arashi are just versions of the one in [X/1999] in another world… or where they on the [X/1999] world and somehow Sorata came back to life after the death of Kamui. It is mentioned by Yuuko, that they may meet different versions of a person in different worlds. But ah well ~ guess they nvr verified which Sorata & Arashi those where (well maybe not yet considering am at ep 6 only), choosing to leave it up to the decision of the viewer.

In that particular world… everyone is able to use Kudan, some kinda internal force. Syaoran’s kudan when it 1st appeared looks somehow, familiar. It was only after Kurogane & Fay’s kudans were revealed that I realized where they were from. Rayearth, Windom & Celes, from [Magical Knight Rayearth]. Lolx ~ funny considering I never really watched MKR.

Anyway… thatz it. The end of ep. 6, they were teleported to yet another world. Am so gonna watch ep 7 while dinnering tonite & perhaps leaving my rogue or warrior on LFG.

Gahhh so many things to do on WoW. Rogue needs normal Mech, Arc, Bot, BM, SV & slabs while warrior needs heroics (esp MGT) and am tempted to just PUG for Gruul’s since my guild is taking forever to get there. Have set Zul’Aman for Sunday – I wonder who even has the balls to turn up. Most importantly, who will be there for Sat’s Karazhan. The turn-out is getting worse weekly. People just don’t bother to register for the raids… but turn up 45min – 1hr later asking whether there’s a spot. Obviously no. When I say 4pm ST, I will begin invites at 4pm ST sharp. If yer not there, I’ll turn to LFM to replace u. Pfffttttttt… have listed certain suggestions on TM’s forum. I think I’ll give TM another month or so, till the end of June. Should nth be done, no progress made by then… chances are, I'll leave. I’ll join a hardcore raid guild if I must. I just don’t want to be in Kara till WOLK comes out.

Just like in real life, friendship is one thing. No doubt, it is be the cherished & treasured. But having to sacrifice personal advancement in the name of friendship is illogical. Totally unacceptable. Friends should spur each other on to greater heights, not bog each other down.

2008-05-12T12:22:00.000+08:00

Am a little disappointed & annoyed with my guild after what transpired the last weekend *sigh*. Once again, the temptation of packing my bags & leaving for another guild struck me. Everytime it strikes, it takes longer to brush away… and everytime it does, it gets stronger. Pffttt ~ am afraid that the day will come that I’ll do it. Part of me doesn’t want to go – coz of the ppl in the guild. But if I don’t, am I doomed to stay in Karazhan forever?

Sat 10 May 2008 - Gruul's Lair

Gruul’s Lair was a failure – only about 9 members were available (and geared) for the raid. Ended up having to PUG the rest… and like always, assholes are unavoidable. Like I’ve always told ppl, there are those who are classic examples of human waste. They are jerks irl, so naturally they’ll be jerks online too. Considering that there are a tremendous no. of those breeds around, you'll need insane luck to be free of any while pugging 16 players.

Well ~ just let me put it this way. People end up on LFG for various reasons: 1. their guild isn’t geared to run that particular raid and they’d like to try it out for themselves; 2. their guild has a main team and they’re not part of it; 3. they are so fcked up that their guild doesn’t wanna include them in the raid team; 4. they have no guild. Without factoring in other stuff & without too much calculation of odds... let's look @ it on the simple surface. 4 reasons, so 25% chance a pug will come from reason 3. 16 pugs with 25% each. Heh... what do u think?

Of coz will end up with assholes lah!!!

Anyway… as the story goes, we ended up with quite a no. of jerks in the raid team. People who are impatient whiners full of complains. After a long long time getting the team together & summons to the raid, it finally got on the way. The trash pulls were fine. Problem aroused at the 1st boss coz there were quite a no. of ppl who didn’t know what to do (me inclusive) + the elitist jerks had different versions on how to do it, each insisting their way is right. No one wanted to agree on a strat... that went on like forever.

Well… 1st wipe, my fault. LoL I accidentally aggroed HKM while tying to get into position to pull the other dude. Then the name-calling started. Haha to be frank I can’t even remember what was said… I only know there are a lot of comments with the word “idiot” and the comments came from only 3 ppl. Don’t even remember their nicks now basically coz I just brushed them away. On hindsight, I should have remembered. Should have placed them on ignore list at least… so I won’t get them in the same raid team again.

The only thing I remember was Del’s comment saying that we should ban people from Tsuxtsux (Tsiixtsiix) and Core from our future raids due to the apparent quality of members they have – geared, but personality fail. Well… if u ask me and a few other guildies, we are banning ppl from Fixt (with exception of ck) & Gigantor too. Granted that there are a few folks who are nice in those guilds [I know Fixt has some nice ppl… though have yet to meet a decent one from Gigantor] but generally, no thanx. Really. This is cyberspace – much easier to exclude ppl u don’t like as compared to irl so might as well use that advantage.

To continue the story, 2nd pull went on fine, but ended up in a wipe too – reason for which am not too sure coz there were a few different fights going on @ the same time. The target I tanked went down, but on my bro’s side, he got flattened somehow. When I picked up the one he was tanking… too late, half the raid team on the other side was already dead. As expected, finger pointing was galore. Those few elitist jerks being the loudest voices, blaming everyone from the healers to not keeping tanks up, to the tanks for not holding agro & allowing the dpsers to be wacked (try holding agro when dead manx). Basically it was everyone else @ fault, except themselves. Gah!! Hate that kinda ppl irl too. I may not be perfect but at the very least, I have the decency to admit it when I screw up.

More name-calling took place, then the jerks left. With comments like bad raid leader (poor shiva), bad grp… etc. Needless to say I was pretty much ticked off and didn’t really play the warrior for the rest of the day & went on an alt instead.

Sun 11 May 2008 - Karazhan

Gahhh Kara again!! And again Nightbane didn't drop my shield. Mutherfcking dragon!!! Or shld I blame my damn luck with item drops & rolls? Anyway... wth manx, no full clear this time. It was half a guild run. The other half was pugged due to guildies coming on late (2 were from my rogue's guild). No jerks this time thankfully. Blizzard screwed us up real bad due to a lag that lasted 1/2hr. Afterwhich the server was still unstable & we ended up calling it coz ppl had to leave. But that wasn't the part that got me annoyed & disappointed. Part was...

9/10 of us logged back on after being shut out of the server for quite sometime. The hunter, a pug, never came back. Fine. So we decided to replace him. A rogue in the guild wanted to come, but the rest preferred a lock so yeah we resorted to LFM and found one who agreed to come, despite having only Illhoof, chess event, NS & Prince left. Only problem was, the lock was in Sunwell Isle with his hearth on cd & we couldn’t summon due to the bastard horde @ stone (as usual) so we had to wait for him to make his own way down. He was cool with it… so we waited.

10 min into the wait, a guildie said he had to go – coz a table was booked for Mother’s Day dinner. Fair enough. I suppose we could easily replace a dps warrior. After he made that comment in guild chat, Shiva said he had to go off too and then Ary wanted to call the raid. Needless to say, I got annoyed. Don’t get me wrong manx, am not annoyed coz the raid was called off… am annoyed coz it wasn’t said earlier!! Look! We could have easily called off the raid before we replaced the offline hunter with a lock. Why the fuck did everyone keep silent then and not speak up? Thankfully we managed to notify the lock in time and he didn’t zone in. It would be worse if we got him tied to the raid team w/o even a single medal.

A few in the team then wanted to rush for chess event with 9-man. Tree got annoyed and left… so 8-man. Itz still possible, but by then I was so pisssed that I’m already in Shatt city. Yep, I forgot another 2 medals coz I was pissed. They didn’t continue anyway.

So why am I so pissed. Simple. I was the one who invited the lock to the party. Our guild was the ones who asked him to fly down. And we called when he’s just outside the front gate. Isn’t that wasting his time? And tell me… isn’t that fucked up behavior?! Maybe I shouldn’t care that much about reputation… but I just detest the idea of doing such things to others. Face it, if someone did it to me, I would be uber pissed. Never liked doing stuff to ppl that I won’t enjoy if I’m on the receiving end. Am just so fcking pissed & disappointed with my guildies for doing that. Well, whatever that was said can't be retracted. I did give them a piece of my mind. All I can do is hope that they understand where those words were coming from and why I got angry.

*sigh* at times it just feels like I’m dragging around a bunch of kids behind me in game.

2008-05-09T12:05:00.002+08:00

“Do they steal or save local jobs” – that’s the headline of one of the article on Asiaone.com.

Yes yes, I finally read some of the News coz I was simply getting too restless & lacked reading material. Generally I don’t bother about what’s going on in the world… coz there’s just too many things that do not concern me (eg. who gives a damn so-and-so drowns here-and-there except folks who know the person?). Hmm… as for issues that might affect me a little, like the above mentioned headline, it serves no purpose than to further nuture the seed of irritation already embedded. Can I do anything about it? Nope… unless u’re telling me that I’m authorized to zap all those foreigners with a phase cannon (something that I dearly love to do). So knowing does nothing more than irk me. Might as well not know & save myself the irritation – so many other annoying things to deal with in a day already.

I really do need better reading material in the office to make time pass a little more quickly. Have already read & responded to posts in my guild forum, personal email… nothing left /gg

Anyway ~ since am on the topic of foreigners, since I read that article (gah!) I might as well get some of the comments running thru’ my head off my brain. Am I racist? Yes. Do I like foreigners? No, especially those from China. Reason? I never forgotten that year I worked in Spring Language School, surrounded by those mainlanders… everything I saw about them is just a turn-off. Granted there are a few who are to be lauded, but frankly, I rather all of them just stop pouring in. So do I think the foreigners are here to steal our jobs? Yes. Oh yeah, sure… they are more hardworking, willing to put in extra hours @ work… etc. as compared to local workers. Ever thought why? Thatz coz they’re here & their families + friends are back in China so they have nothing else to do… thatz why!! They are cheaper, thatz coz the currency conversion back in their homeland is lower. So what kinda stupid comparison is this?

Oh wait… am liable to be arrested based on whatever I type in my blog ehx? Hmm… whatever. This is MY space, my outlet to rant and I’m not about to stfu and keep everything inside… being all hypocritical & saying “yeah we should encourage foreign talent to our country”. Whatever a person u may think I am, a two-headed snake is what I’m not (ps. for the noobs out there – being hypocritical & being contradictory are totally 2 different things). If I don’t like you, I’ll make it so obvious that you’ll know it. But just coz I don’t like you, doesn’t mean I’m gonna be rude to u and all. I’ll still remain cordial. Just that, I don’t like you. LoL

Well… with absolutely no intention to be the cause of a racial riot, here goes.

There should be a limit set (a low one) on the influx of foreigners in Singapore. Just look around you. Everywhere u go, u see foreigners. And I’m not talking about the tourists. Am talking about those who are living here, working here… etc. There are way too many of them. They take up jobs, they take up scholarships, they take up housing space… and hell, even the women are here taking up the men. LoL yeah yeah, it can be viewed as “competition” if you wish. Whatever. Those who are pro-foreign talent will have thousands of stuff they can say in defence of ft… while those who are anti-foreigners (like myself) will have thousands to say about the opposite. Itz a debate that will never end, for sure , and at the end of the day… there are still 2 sides of a coin – with neither being right.

What matters is, I know which side of the coin I’m standing on. And no, I’m not a neutral on this matter.

2008-05-05T15:52:00.000+08:00

/yawn that’z it. 3 days. Gone by just like that. Now itz back to the office, trying to stay awake till the end of the day. To think that when I was a kid I used to complain that the holidays were too few… now… lol what wouldn’t I give for those mid-year and year-end holidays siah. Not to mention those weekly breaks after ever CA. Public holidays are just too few & too spaced apart *grumbles* There’s gonna be one in 2 weeks time – Vesak Day. Afterwhich it’ll be a dry spell till Ocotober. *sigh* Wonder how am I gonna live thru’ that manx. Yeah yeah there’s National day in Aug, but it’s on a Sat so it doesn’t make a diff anyway… ph eaten up.

Anyway... Genting. Well. Pretty uneventful (a little boring as expected) and I didn't take any pics except a few of the hotel room ~ nothing much to take lah seriously. Let's see if I can remember what went on.

Wed, 30 April 2008 - rushed home after work (as usual), squeezed in like 1hr of WoW, chatting with guildies, bidding them farewell and did 3 dailies for gold. had a quick dinner, stuff my barang into me backpack and went dwn to Chinatown to take the coach. Coach arrived at 9+, left about 10pm. Journey was fuzzy coz I spent most of the duration asleep. Had a couple of stops and didn’t remember much about them. Arrived at Genting abt 4+5am.

Thurs, 1 May 2008 - breakfast @ KFC [was sorely disappointed with the KFC whipped potato coz the gravy is now Singapore-type Zzz], wandered to the casino for a bit then caught the 1st screening of Iron Man at the First World Cineplex. Check into our hotel room @ 1+, unpacked stuff, dozed a little, then went for a foot massage (was lucky enuff to have a young cute boy attending to me). Wandered around a little more, dozed a little more then it was dinner buffet ~ the variety was well… slightly disappointing was the spread by considering the price paid, k lah close one eye. Returned to hotel room and dozed even more then went to watch the Live band, Rhythm & Soul, perform. A M’sian band… they were way cool though, being able to sing songs in various languages. Stayed thru’ all the sets… then itz time for Zzz.

Fri, 2 May 2008 - me skipped breakfast, rather get the additonal snooze coz I don't eat much in the morning anyway. woke up ard 12+ then headed out for lunch. After lunch, outdoor theme park. Wonder if it’s my age or something… the theme park just doesn’t seem interesting anymore. The viking’s too low, the roller coaster lacks speed & height & turns, the go-kart too slow… etc. Skipped the Space Shot this time though, queue was too long. By the time we’re done, itz time for dinner. Thought to try the K-dinner @ the KTV there… which includes 2hrs of singing time. The dinner was acceptable, the ktv session a total screw up. Their system went down, and 3hrs later it still wasn’t fixed. Gave up and went back to the hotel to watch “Next” on the tv instead. End of 2nd day in Genting.

Sat, 3 May 2008 - had breakfast, took a nap, checked out... then itz bus back to sg.

Gahhh really missed WoW like hell the past few days there. Was tempted to use the cybercafe to perhaps do a few dailies… but the rates were too high. RM15 for 1hr. Madness. Anyway I did WoW till 7am after I came back. Lolx did nothing significant though. It was mostly doing the Children’s Week quests for the special pets available. Did both the SW & Shatt on on Eru (willy & mr wiggles), did SW on Aina (speedy) & Tinkle (whiskers). Heh…and now even Kiandra has the pet rat, did it on her yesterday nite. Perhaps I’ll use Erulizze and do the one on Dragonmaw later while dinnering... or I might attempt the Shatt one with Aina. Shame that Asrial is too low to do hers on Dreadmaul. Heh will post screenies of my toons with their pets maybe later or tml.

Anyway, as expected, TM didn’t go to Kara on Sat ~ coz apparently they didn’t wanna end up pugging that many. Went in yesterday instead. It was… well, disappointing. Had help frm 2 well-geared healers, but one of them was pretty impatient and did a few nonsensical pulls. *sigh* Did an almost full-clear though, minus NS. Looking @ the raiders available at any time is kinda disheartening. We are scheduled to start Gruul’s this coming Sat. 25-man. I wonder how the fuck am I gonna gather 25 ppl for it. Yah yah rest of the team made up of pugs again. It just stinks when pugs win the rolls of items that guildies will benefit from. *sigh* and yeah there goes my T4. I always lose rolls T.T At the rate things are going, I really wonder how long will it take for me to gear up. Imagine every week pugging folks who are gonna roll for the same gear as I am and end up never getting the gear?

4 more playing days, minus Tues, to get Eru geared up. Done some calculations and if I manage to obtain all the items I’m aiming for in time, I’ll end up with 13.9k hp unbuffed. Right now itz 13.1k *sigh* heroic mgt is ahead of me. The trinket is the 1st item on my list. Fck manx. Am really tired wiping like hell in there with a pansy healer. Then I still gotta spend time farming for primal fire & primal air to craft the gun & slam in a +12 stam gem. In the meantime, do dailies @ isle to raise my rep with Shattered sun offensive so I can get the neck item at exalted. Then farm somemore/buy, mats for +12 stam to boots & +12 stam to bracers. Arrgghhh!!!

So many things to do, so little time!!!

2008-04-30T00:26:00.000+08:00

Mhmmmm the mashed potato with cajun sauce @ Popeye’s is heavenly. Was having it for the 2nd time in my life last Sunday, at Changi Airport T3. The 1st time was a while back at T1. It’s a shame that the only Popeye’s outlet I know of is so far away. If only they would open a franchise or something in town area. The mashed potato beats the current KFC’s whipped potato hands down (though I still prefer the KFC’s whipped potato from the past – just go to M’sia and have KFC there, u’ll know what I mean). And the chicken. Popeye’s fried chicken, available in spicy & mild, totally pwns KFC’s too imo. It’s really juicy and totally edible w/o chili or ketchup. Not to mention, itz bigger than the KFC one. Slightly more expensive though, the 2 pc meal, but totally worth if if u ask me.

Come to think of it… KFC’s standard hath dropped over the years. The pieces of chicken shrunk tremendously & is no longer that yummy, the whipped potato is not longer that great and the coleslaw kinda sux. Thatz one problem with 1 fast food chain dominating the market. KFC’s like the only one out there that’s purely fried chicken. Should there be other competitors & more choices for the consumer, am sure they would try much harder to retain their customers, resulting in yummier food. Rite now, we don’t have much of a choice but to eat and whine about it. *sigh* Where in the world did Texas Chicken disappear to?

Anyway, will be leaving for Genting tonite. 3D 2N. Will be back on Sat nite. Swear that I’m gonna eat tubs of KFC whipped potato over there – and if possible do a takeaway of at least 2 tubs back to Singapore for supper on Sat & breakfast on Sun.

Hmm… to be frank, am kinda skeptical about this trip. Not too sure if I’ll be enjoying it as much as I should. Itz not the place… more of the company. Gahhh, don’t really wish to talk bad about my friends… but there’s this guy whom I foresee is gonna be a slight wet blanket. He just isn’t the “sporting” kinda person – not keen on this, not keen on that. It has already begun before we even left. Earlier, a colleague mentioned that the swimming pool @ First World Hotel, where we’ll be staying, is worth going due to the slides… etc. So I SMSed the 2 fella who will be going with me, and told them to bring our swimsuit. One is cool about it. The other, just told me nah… not keen. So does that mean we gonna skip that? I really hope not. Coz am hoping to squeeze in a tan as well.

Previously the 2 did mention though, that they’ll be going to the casino to take a look @ things, though they won’t be gambling. I got a feeling that hours will be spent there… hmm hopefully they’ll go in the day – so I can indulge in some other activities while they are in there. Am totally like uninterested in the casino. I mean… why stand around and just look when u aren’t playing? Lolx. Wonder if there’s a spa there. It’ll be great to go get a massage, facial or maybe even my nails or hair done while they decompose in there. /shrugx. I know I shouldn’t be too pessimistic. I just hope everything will work out good. Will bring along the novel I’m reading and perhaps one of the small x-stitch pieces I’m working on along. Err… I think they’ll allow a sewing needle thru’ the customs, won’t they? =S

Am so gonna be suffering from WoW deprivation for the nxt few days. Gahhhh!! But itz pretty pointless to bring a lappy along and play WoW while on holiday so am not gonna do it. Not that I’ve got a lappy to begin with lolx. Wonder if Triple Moons are gonna attempt Kara this Sat with pugging an MT – the last time I asked a few of them, they all said, postpone to Sun. I did suggest that for this weekend, my bro go MT (since he’s sufficient geared to progress to Gruul’s anyway) and get Sael to be the OT or something… but he didn’t like the idea of that – his reason being droods not having block or parries like warriors do. Grrr they do have the higher dodge rate and much higher hp to make up for it though. His hp is like almost 15k unbuffed in dire bear while mine’s only 13k unbuffed. And that is coz I’m full-epiced (minus the blue gun) and he isn’t. Yeah Netherspite dropped the shoulders last Sat.

Though am still lacking the shield from Nightbane in Kara, am gonna go ahead and organize Gruul’s for the next weekend. With much much luck, I’ll get the shield from Gruul’s instead (though the chances are slim coz itz a 25-man raid and my roles are legendarily… low). 10th May 2008. Have set it on the guild calendar. Hopefully the response will be good. It’s already been so long since we 1st done Kara, progress has to be made somehow. There is still SSC, ZA… blah blah blah ahead of us. Once we embark on Gruul’s on the 10th, Kara will be officially relegated to be on farm. Gotta push Aina to be sufficiently geared for heroics & Kara as well. Heh, she’s no longer in STDs. She’s now in Bru’s guild Not Your Average Noob (NYAB). Nice tabard they have, I gotta say ^-^

Yep, Aina is staying on at Barthilas, at least in the meantime. I know, that’ll mean I’m giving up the opportunity for swifter progress on Dreadmaul… I just don’t wanna part her from Eru in the meantime. Not till I manage to raise another lvl 70 on Barth once Aina is settled. Still a long way to go for that. Am still unsure which toon to raise after Aina – there’s Tinkle the priest (lv 25), Kia the hunter (lv 25) & Rhav the drood (lv 11). Oh yeah… there’s Lola the pally (lv 19) too, but frankly she’s like the last on my list, though she has the jewelcrafting profession I need badly. TM needs another high lvl JC aside frm Head. Gahhh!! So many toons so little time!! Rofl. Not to mention, I gotta spare like 1hr or so each day on Asrial the priest (lv 8) on Dreadmaul. Just rolled her yesterday, just to play with Black & AoD. Got an invite into their new guild over there… and was pretty stunned to see Zxr too.

Hahah… wonder how many 70s will I manage to raise before WOLK comes out. Hmm… when will WOLK ever even release in the 1st place? Damnit. Talking of all that really makes me feel like going home now to WoW.

2008-04-25T15:34:00.000+08:00

Stuck between a rock & a hard place again.

Returned a missed call from AoD earlier, that itself came as a surprise coz I was expecting him to SMS instead, and was asked whether I wanna transfer my rogue over to Dreadmaul. *sigh* It sux when things had to turn out this way. He & black were gonna reform a guild, aiming for future raids. Back then, I did tell them, if they wanted, they could have my rogue – though my warrior isn’t really progressing, I still do have some form of commitment to TM. Then came the bad news… a few days later, black decided that he wanted to transfer out of Barthilas. Arrgghhh was really looking forward to the formation of a new guild coz it’ll be kinda “military style”. On one hand it’ll mean there’s less talk, less fun as compared to TM. On the other hand, it’ll mean progress. But arrggghhh they are both gone now. T.T

I won’t deny that the offer to transfer is a tempting one… much more tempting than rolling a totally new toon & starting from lvl 1 all over again, this time without a 70 to backup with funding. Did it the hard way with Eru but when it came to Aina, it was sooooo much easier. Anyway, I can’t play 2 toons. As Eru is the one who has a slot in TM, frankly, Aina is gonna be pretty useless unless there’s gonna be a team 2, and provided that team 2 has a different raid time. Besides, Eru is geared for her current state (the guild is still stuck at Kara *sigh*) so I don’t have to spend that much time on her anymore. Itz now Aina who has to gear up to start on heroics then Kara. She hit 69 last nite. So rightfully I shld be able to manage my time should I bring my rogue over. Like… concentrate on Aina, and logon Eru only for the weekend raids or the occasional heroic.

So whatz the problem?

Problem is… Aina was designated to be my eventual $-making toon. She will be the one I’ll use for farming (if I ever get to doing it with my busy schedule); she’ll be the one who’s gonna “pay” for my warrior’s repairs… and she’s the one who’s gonna get the primals I need for blacksmithing. Not to mention, she'll be the leatherworker who's gonna sponsor my warrior's leg enchants. Granted that I can always do the few dailies I can solo each day and that w/o the rogue, my warrior won’t go broke… but gahh it’ll be messing up my plans if u get what I mean. Besides itz gonna be hell for Aina to get the 5k+ for the epic flight mount w/o Eru. Farming would be sweet over at Dreadmaul due to having less competitors, but that’ll mean having a smaller market to sell the stuff to.

The main factor – Dreadmaul is a new server, with a much lower population than Barth. Am already having problems find PUGs for instances on Barth. Can’t imagine how much worse is it gonna be over there. Granted that I’ve got a guild ready & waiting for me. But there’s really no guarantee that I’ll be included in all of their runs. What if I don’t get a Kara spot? PUGs is a risk. Fine, I don’t mind taking that risk. What I mind is, spending hours doing nothing significant while forming a party to enter any instance. There’s still a long way to go b4 Aina is ready for Karazhan. There are the lvl 70 instances, the PvP and then finally, the heroics. Unless AoD & black are willing to run me thru’ stuff to get geared, I forsee itz gonna be hell of a problem trying to find a PUG tank & healer for an instance run.

Face it. Most tanks & healers are in guilds. In guilds, there’ll be guildies who want to run instances, and the guildies will always be the 1st choice. How do I know that for sure? Well… just look @ Eru. Ever since she hit 70, she never went anywhere in a full PUG. I’ll LFM on my guild chat… only when there’s a spare spot, then we get random players. The LFM channels are forever flooded with dpsers. So guess Aina's gonna suffer the same fate.

Transferring Eru over is not an option at all. I’m the MT of TM. Why would I wanna go over to a guild where I’ll only have OT status? Both black & AoD are already tanks rofl. They need other tanks as “spares”, but not “main raiders”. I’d rather take my chances with the non-progressing TM (though itz sorely testing my patience) and see how things go. Even if I were to leave TM eventually, well, it’ll be for another guild on Barth, not Dread.

Gahhh… only got till end of this week to make up my mind, before the free Transfer window closes. USD25 is a ridiculous price to pay afterwhich. So itz either this week, or never. Guess I’m just gonna roll a toon on Dread when I get home later, have a discussion with AoD & black and take tml to make up my mind. The temptation is about 75% rite now though ^-^

2008-04-23T10:01:00.000+08:00

Tired. Angry. Frustrated.

Those are the 3 words that describe me perfectly rite now. Took me shitload of willpower to drag myself up and not take an MC from wrk this morning. Main reasons I gave myself are: there’s a completion tml, and I betta be here today in case someone else makes it even more confusing & I’ve taken an MC at the start of this month already - am trying to limit myself by not taking too many MCs coz frankly, am not too sure how the company would react to it. Heh so better to save the MCs for “a rainy day” instead of wasting them.

Tired – coz I was up WoWing till past 4am last nite. Not that it was done on purpose. The instance began at 10+… it reset halfway, party went back after reset, and it simply dragged on from there. Wipe after wipe, blunder after blunder, screw up after screw up. The best part is... after all that shit, we didn't manage a full clear. I pulled the plug when I saw the clock. That leads to my next emotion.

Angry. Itz 58g ++ repair for me last nite, in Heroic Magister’s Terrace… and the fcking tanking trinket didn’t drop. In fact, I pretty much had no loot for the entire instance, save for winning the greed roll on a lousy little green. Thatz my luck in WoW, nothing different frm my luck irl. Oh yeah… there were many green drops… but they all went to the clothies who somehow had good rolls. Yep, that contributed to my anger too. But that ain’t the main reason y I’m angry. The main reason y I’m so pissed is coz… much of those repair fee could be saved! The healer was just a fcking pansy. Trust me, I would have given him the boot a damn long time ago if I didn't know him irl.

Remember the paladin I mentioned a couple of posts back? Yeah… itz the same full-of-shit fella. This time on his priest. He didn’t manage to keep my hp up… and he ran outta mana during the 2nd boss fight – the main reason y we kept wiping our assess off. OOM. Hello?! Ever heard of mana potions? I lost my patience, I mentioned that. He said he potted… at 60% mana. Bullshit. I was looking @ his fcking mana bar and it dropped all the way till 2k before he took a small pot. Even after my bro innervated him, he ran outta mana. What kind of healer are u, if u require a feral drood to shift out to help off-heal just to keep the tank’s hp out of the “dangerous zone”? And even after the innervate... he oomed. Excuses like the potion's cooldown... etc. were all thrown out. Itz like, oei fuck u manx. Think I dunno anything about the pot's cooldown? My point is why the fuck didn't u pot earlier?! 1.8k heals my ass!! With that kinda gear... the problem doesn't lie with the toon, but the player.

What ticked me off even more is the excuses he gave for not potting – that he doesn’t have $ to and he was saving up for his epic flight mount. Shit after shit. A clothie’s repair is significantly lower than a plate wearer for a reason – so that he can spend the amt he didn’t spend on repairs on POTS from the auction house!!! Ffs. His repair was 21g. Mine came up to more than twice the amount. See my point now? The difference in repairs are sufficient to buy at least 3 stacks of super mana potions manx. And $ for epic flight mount /spit. He would have gotten his epic flight mount by now if he didn’t spend all that Gs respeccing his faggot paladin for Kara every single weekend just coz he wants the best of 2 worlds (healing & tank gear).

Frustrated. The frustration mainly stems from a dilemma – should I simply be blunt & tell that asshole off and risk ruining the friendship? On one hand, itz much of a risk… coz friendship is more impt than WoW gold… on the other hand, do I want such a loser as a friend? This kinda childish, selfish attitude in game reflects a person irl. Face it… assholes online are assholes offline… itz in them. Folks may argue that itz possible to fake an identity and take on an entire new persona with the Internet. I say bullshit to that idea. One can never hide their true selves. The temptation to simply lash out @ him grows by the day I tell you. Everytime he talks about farming (hello… u have a lvl 70 huntard – perfect farming toon, so whatz the complaint?), dailies and repair fee… it pisses the shit outta me.

Suddenly… the invitation for me to move to another server, sounds very alluring. I’ll never get away from the leech, if I don’t get outta Barthilas.

2008-04-21T16:46:00.001+08:00

Itz weird how certain things from the past never seem to be forgotten. Even 2 decades later. As I was sitting back, staring @ the MS Word document that I was in the midst of formatting, my mind started to drift. Initially, I was thinking of the upcoming Genting trip.

Itz next week… looking forward to it. Am leaving on Wed nite & shld get back by Sat nite. Despite being forced to miss Kara next Sat (hopefully I can get in on the Sun’s continuation run), think itz gonna be a good break. Am looking forward to once again sit on the Space Shot, getting a full body massage… and most of all… eating KFC whipped potatao!!! Hahah ya ~ u may think “wtf… there’s KFC in Singapore rite?”. Well, trust me. If things stayed the way they were since the last time I went to M’sia, the KFC whipped potato gravy over there is simply heavenly. So different from they one they using in Singapore now. Hmm… actually, the one in Singapore used to taste that way. A very very long time ago. Gawd knows why they changed it. Wonder if anyone else actually even realizes the difference? Anyway… am so gonna eat at least 2 large whipped potato per day ^-^

Uhmm… anyway that isn’t what I wanted to blog about. Itz about things that never leave ur mind. Rofl. Thinking of going to Genting somehow reminded me of going places with my parents when I was a kid. Being from an average family, I never had to luxury to visit faraway places. Itz always to M’sia or to chalets during the skool holidays. I intend to change that now that I’m able to make my own decisions & own money (a pittance unfortunately). Anyway in particular, I suddenly recalled a trip to Cameron Highlands. That was definitely in my pri skool days. How old was I exactly, I can’t remember. F**k I dun even remember anything much except that I lost my little stuffed horse there.

It was an ugly thing. Green fabric with white polka-dots. Gahhh I can’t even remember how exactly it looked like, just a vague image of it. All I could remember is… I was upset when I lost it. *sigh* And that brings to mind even more toys from the past. Old ang, Pencily, Happ, Sadd… etc. Yeah I still got a couple of them lying ard somewhere in my cartons… but the majority of them are long gone. Wish I didn’t lose them though. Wish I still had them. They would have had a place of honor in my room once I get my cartons unpacked (yes still unpacked since last year). But ah well… never had the power to change the past.

Yeah… itz so weird how the mind manages to remember things frm such a long time ago.

2008-04-16T10:42:00.000+08:00

I knew this day was gonna come… just didn’t expect it to come so soon. I fee like quitting WoW. Yeah amazing huh? Considering that it wasn’t too long ago that I was so positive about the weekly Karazhan raids. Hmm… y the sudden desire, I dunno. Part of it might be coz I started playing Sims 2 again recently. Another part of it, probably the largest driving factor, is coz I’ve been “wasting time” on WoW the past few weeks.

My warrior is pretty much dormant these days… I only use her on weekends for raids. Am spending like the rest of my time on my rogue. Lvl 67 now. Guess it’s the difficulty to find a PUG for instances that’s tiring me. Imagine… I usually have to wait like 2-3hrs before I can find a full party into an instance. And that isn’t a guarantee that the run will be completed, or if the item I’m eyeing for will drop, or even if I’ll win the roll when it does. It’s ironic. When I play the warrior, I’m always looking for healers… when I play the rogue, my party is lack of a tank. Doesn’t help that my bro & the friend I usually game with comes home late – at times so late that there isn’t a point doing heroics till it resets. When instance runs start late, they end late & I’ll end up sleeping very little. Little sleep is not the problem. The problem is sacrificing sleep for absolutely nothing *sigh*

Guess what sums it up is – lack of progress.

Imagine, the guild has been doing Kara since like what… Feb? And till now, 2 mths later, we still don’t have a regular team of raiders. Every single week we gotta end up LFM & the process itself is highly annoying (not to mention, time consuming). I dunno if itz our luck or what… we’ll always end up with idiots leaving the party halfway… idiots that screw up or basically ppl who do not fucking listen! Oh yeah, we always manage to clear the 1st few bosses of Kara every week. Then when it comes to doing NB, NS & Prince… the raid team dies. Gahhh!! If I were to progress, I need NB & NS!! Itz damn annoying that u spend the entire Sat afternoon on bosses u don’t need and after all that… the run is called coz everyone else doesn’t have the balls or determination to continue. Wipe once, wipe twice... wants to move on to something else just coz they dun need the loot. Well ~ two can play that game. I don’t need loot frm any other bosses so if we wipe, I’ll just move-on ehx? Itz a give & take thingy manx. I just got tired of always giving… and getting nothing back in return.

I know, I know. Have lamented about this before. *sigh* But nothing changes since the last rant so the complains continue. I know that itz up to me to change things… I can always join another guild, a raid guild. Gahhh itz the mind vs heart matter again. Lolx, didn’t expect that I’ll be caught in such a dilemma even in a game. Itz either sticking with my current guild, enjoying their company & not progress forever (heart), or move on to somewhere else, hate the “military style” & move on to Gruul’s, ZA, SSC, TK… etc. A fellow player AoD is already asking if I’d help him reform a guild, coz his isn’t progressing as well. Hmm… tempting. Thing is, will I settle for simply being an OT?

Best option? /wowquit. lol

2008-04-10T11:50:00.001+08:00

Mind games. Constructive or destructive?

Happened to browse thru’ a TNP article about the break-up of 2 local celebs – though frankly, I dun even know who the girl is… nvr heard of her, nvr seen her rofl. Anyway, that ain’t the point. Though no details were given about the break-up, the article suggested it may be coz the guy is “too nice” to her. Thatz like… duh, wtf? The girl was also quoted as saying something like… the guy is good, doesn’t play mind games, but girls like some excitement… blah blah blah.

My instant thought: WTH, this girl’s gotta grow up manx. Mentally, that is. Not physically. At the age of 23, am sure her body hath alredi attained maturity.

That statement really reminds me of some immature teenager. Yeah I remember my own teenage years. Back then itz like… turmoil is good coz turmoil keeps things interesting. Frankly I still do feel that way rite now ~ life is boring if itz just monotonous… but turmoil when it comes to relationships? Hell, no thanx. If I want things “happening” in my Life, I’d rather go take up an extreme sport or do something insane (yet harmless). Nothing fucks up a person’s life more than a messed up relationship.

I really envy those “old couples” who have been together for years… been together so long that well, they are like extensions of each other. Haha, yeah I’ve got a few friends who are in those kinda relationships. Itz just lovely, don’t u think? Having someone to come home to @ the end of a tiring workday, having companionship in whatever u do… etc. Gah!! Maybe I’m getting soft over the years. I think I’m goddamnted getting soft… haha and well, at least my Life now ain’t too bad. I do have my guildies to go home to after a long day at wrk ^-^

Now to break outta monotony by trying something... err... new. ROFL

2008-04-07T16:31:00.000+08:00

Karazhan 05.04.2008

Well... the weekend run didn't proceed as smoothly as I thought it would. It still ended up being dragged over to the 2nd day. Bosses down the 1st: Midnight & Attunment, Moroes, Maiden, Opera (R&J), Curator and Aran. 2nd day: Illhoof, Netherspite & Prince. Part of the reason, I suppose, is that the raid started later than it was planned for and I had to call it off coz I had to leave for a movie with me friends.

The 1st delay was due to punctuality… people logging on their mains late; doing something on their alts; being in another instance when invites were sent out… etc. That is something that needs to be rectified in future coz itz wasting the time of those who actually made the effort to login punctually. Slightly more than ½ hr was burnt there… so u can imagine the delay.

2nd delay. One of the healers scheduled for the raid got pwned by his wife & had to settle his personal matters instead. *sigh* Guess there’s nothing much I can say about that except – shit happens. Real life stuff has to take priority over gaming afterall. Searching for a replacement healer took another 30min or longer I guess.

After all the shit was settled… I think it was 4:30pm ST or later that we actually managed to get the run going. 1hr 30min gone just like that. Frankly, I could have spent that time doing so much more… but ah well, until we start laying down the rules (eg. if ur late, ur spot goes to another), guess that’s gonna continue every weekend.

Another reason why we failed to complete is coz alot of time is wasted on deaths & wipes. The bosses all went down the 1st try except for Aran [Aran took us 3 tries coz for the 1st 2, Blizz lagged like crazy, resulting in the deaths of like half the raid team after the 1st arcane explosion - duh]. Reason for deaths? Players not doing what's required of them. When a mob is marked for cc, ffs pls cc them @ the second tank pulls aggro. *sigh* That usually ends up with one of the healers dead... for this run, it was the priest who whinned like crazy after that - but am not gonna go into it rite now... will do so later on in the post or another day. Of coz there are the usual mistakes - dpser attacking a cc-ed mob... etc.

On the overall, well, I should admit that it went on quite well despite the duration of it. Imagine, we spent like 5.5hrs on Sat and another 4hrs on Sun. A total of almost 10hrs in Karazhan. Jeez. Who the fuck takes that freaking long?! I am not aiming for a 4hr clear, like some of the better guilds are able to do... but is it that difficult to ask for a 6hr Karazhan? At this rate things are going, I daresay all my weekends are gonna be burnt on WoW. And most imptly, how are we gonna progress to further raids when we are stuck @ Kara for the entire weekend? Lolx. Ideally it should be Kara on Sat, then Gruul's on Sun (when we are geared for it).

Nightbane was a failure. We tried 3x, wiped 3x. It could be done imo, if players just keep out of the fire on the ground. Taking precious heals away from the tank for this boss is deadly - NB's crushing blow hits me for like 7k dmg and I only have 14k hp after buffs. Thing is, I believe we could have downed Nightbane eventually. It's players who refuse to try... and that boils down to attitude again. 3 wipes and they gave up with their tails tucked between their legs. *sigh* Times like this makes me wonder if I should seek out a better guild instead. Face it. Nightbane drops my chestpiece & shield. Without those 2 items, I'm gonna be stuck on Karazhan forever. Netherspite was easy, despite wiping 3x (well, its our 1st try so thatz kinda expected ~ 2nd wipe was totally my fault coz I tanked him @ the wrong part of the room causing the beams to intersect kek)... it's a shame that my shoulders didn't drop.

But guess this weekend's run was a pretty fruitful one for me. Finally obtained my Battlescar Boots from chess event & my T4 helm from Prince (thanx to my bro who actually passed on the item to let me have it 1st).

The Priest/Paladin

*sigh* Everyone's patience has a limit. Mine is no exception... and the only reason y I have yet to tell the person involved to f.o. is coz he's a real life friend... someone whom I've known for a pretty long while & has helped me with some real life issues w/o demanding anything in return. It's just that, online, as a gaming buddy... argghhh just put it this way, my tolerance is being sorely tested.

He whines about repair fees. 24g for this weekend's Kara run. He complained that he isnt' supposed to be pay that much as a clothie. Well... yes I agree, some deaths were totally un-necessary and it's not easy to farm for gold if you are a healer (as compared to the dps classes). I have the same problems too. Ever since I went prot, farming solo is pretty much no no. Thing is, u wanna complain... yesh, whine a little. Rant a little but stop going on and on about how u are unable to farm and unable to get ur gold. I can't do that either. So stfu. My repairs were much more expensive btw, as I am a fucking plate wearer!! kk, I admit. I've been taking the repairs from the guild bank... and so has he. So whatz the issue?

Then he goes on and on about how his priest no longer needs Kara & that he should really be bring his paladin there instead. Everytime a holy paladin item drops, he whines. Thing is... err did anyone say that he has to bring his priest in? Itz a case of slapping urself in the face and then complaining to ur mates that ur cheek is swollen... if u get what I mean. He says that his priest is needed to save the raid. I say c'mon manx, thatz thinking too freaking highly of urself. I don't deny that his priest is better compared to his pally... itz 1.8k heals vs 1.4k heals afterall. I did mention that I'd prefer him to be on his priest. But I never did fcking mention that he MUST bring his priest. Get my picture? Attempts to explain that to him... are just as fruitful as using an egg to smash a rock.

Another reason y I think he's making a big fuss about the holy paladin gear that drops in Kara. He has plans to respec his paladin to be a tank. So tell me... whatz the big deal if u lose rolls or don't get gear that u won't be using in future? Itz like D-U-H!!! Just let other pallys who are staying as a healadin for the rest of their WoW career have it coz they fucking need it more, goddamnit. He's such a fcking loot whore if u ask me. Healing gear - need, Tanking gear - need, dps gear - need. Need Need Need!! Wah piang ehx!! Frankly I thank the game for making his rolls lousy @ certain points of time... that other healadins get the healing gear instead. Itz justified manx. He's playing his toon based on another pally in the game... the other pally is someone with epic healing & prot gear... but pls bear in mind, the other guy... he's hardcore. Itz just like comparing a regular office boy to a managing director manx.

Last nite was the last straw. He whinned about his "lousy" tanking gear. I've seen his gear, it isn't that bad. It's suitable to tank lvl 70 normal instances. But guess what? He simply says it's insufficient to tank Kara. Itz like wth? You have yet begun to walk and already u want to sprint? Everyone begins from the bottom manx. I was in almost full blues when I 1st took on Kara. I spent tons of time doing quests, farming the lvl 70 normal instances then moving on to heroics for gear before I even begun Kara. And here he is... he expects to respec and immediately tank Kara. WTF? Linked him a guide on WoWwiki that he said he has read. I gone thru' the list myself... and it isn't as difficult as he claims it is. He complains that w/o going to heroics & Kara he won't get upgrades... I say he can settle for blue upgrades before moving on to better upgrades. He doesn't agree. That went on till even my bro got pissed off talking to him & called him a "pansy".

Then he went on complaining that me & my bro has countless of gear upgrades. As if he didn't? rofl. What he sees are the upgrades other get... and somehow he doesn't remember his own? And pls manx... we have upgrades on our tank gear coz we started collecting tank gear ever since we went to Outlands at lvl 60 ffs. He's been holy then and is still holy and he complains that his tanking gear sux? Jeesuzzzz Christ. Look @ my dps set if u wanna see sucky off-spec gear. Seesh... if he wants to go prot, then just do what others do. Gather prot gear instead of gathering holy gear!! Then he complains time is limited. Yeah manx... time is limited and the reason y he's in his current state is coz he's wasted time collecting stuff on the "wrong" spec while me & my bro have been focussing on one. Yes, a paladin is a hybrid class. It can fit various roles but they can only specialize in one. Get focus, and everything will be good. Just look @ my bro... he's a druid. A druid is a hybrid class too but I don't see him collecting moonkin gear when he's feral.

/spit Some ppl really need to grow up and stop reaching for the stars when u can't even reach the top of a coconut tree.

2008-04-04T17:28:00.000+08:00

Saw a woman using a pair of pink togs to hold a ciggie on my way back to the office frm lunch. Not, that woman ain’t a cleaner removing stubs frm the bin. She’s just walking along the pavement chit chatting with her friend – probably on her way back to her office. Definitely one of the weird Raffles Place denizens that I’ve been exposed to ever since the beginning of this year.

Yeah yeah u may say that the reason she uses a pair of tongs is coz she doesn’t want her fingers to be “tainted” by the smell of ciggies. Foolish girl. If u detest the smell of ciggies, don’t smoke. Simple. Ciggie smoke clings to everything ffs… holding ur stick with a pair of tongs doesn’t prevent u frm smelling like an ashtray eventually. It clings to ur hair, ur clothes, ur belongings… etc. How can I be so sure? Uhmm… I’m a smoker, duh.

Using a pair of tongs to hold a ciggie while puffing away… its equivalent to taking off ur pants & undies when u need to take a fart.

Ah well… it’s Raffles Place afterall. Shouldn't expect too much from the general public around here. I mean... where else do u find a packet of tissue paper on tables/chairs on every food court or hawker centre you go to? Where else do u find people with fake smiles plastered on their faces and speaking so goddamned unaturally to people whom they're lunching with? *sigh* I do like my current office... people there and all (aside from the level ?? raid boss), but the area itz located in totally blows.

/shrug TGIF I suppose. Am looking forward to tomorrow’s Kara run @ 3pm ST. Have got a raid team filled, for once. Enlisted the help of 2 healers & a hunter outside the guild with the rest of the team made up of guildies who have been pretty reliable based on the previous runs. I just hope I don’t screw up and let all of them down. Aiming for a fast clear w/o spilling over to the next day. And yes, aiming for a full clearance… Nightbane included. Will be tanking Nightbane for the 1st time, and Netherspite too. *grinx* Itz gonna be fun. Better get sufficient sleep tonite so I won’t be ½ fucked tomorrow…. then again… gg.

2008-03-27T09:28:00.003+08:00

*sigh* Thatz it. Harusame is gone T.T Itz a shame that I didn't manage to take any pics with her b4 she was pushed up the lorry... but managed to get 2 not-that-great shots with my handphone. Hmm guess thatz betta than 0 pics. Only problem now is getting those pics frm the handphone uploaded to the Internet. Me phone doesn't have a data transfer cable. Bleah ~ and in the rush I forgot to remove the keyring attached to the key... hopefully I'll be able to get it back coz that'll be the only "remaining thingy" I'll have from her. Have alredi sent an SMS to my cuz to ask him help me keep it.

Gahhh I don't even know how I feel now. I can't say that I'm upset... I can't say that I'm like totally alright too. Didn't get to sleep immediately last nite coz I was thinking of her. But I guess fatigue overcame all emotion & I eventually dozed off /shrugx guess there are some things that can't be described with words.

There's more I'd like to blog about my day yesterday... but think now is not the time. Too many eyes, too many spies. And it doesn't help that there's a software installed monitoring Internet access. *sigh* Whatever huh?

2008-03-25T10:53:00.001+08:00

All good things come to an end someday. There is no union that will not be broken, there is nothing that wouldn't fade away. Brings to mind again a verse that I somehow memorised since my teenage years...

Nothing lasts forever, even love is a lie
A tool to manipulate,
There's no God above the sky.

I can't quote it. I can't remember where I read it from even. I just remember how it went. And that was it.

Yeah I knew this day will come. Itz just a sooner or later thingy, and I've alredi been pushing it off so much till it became "later" more than "sooner". I kept pushing off making the call. And yeah... I totally avoided making the call. Got my dad to do it. Coz a part of me just refuses to let go, despite how foolish it may be.

Thatz it, I suppose. The end. I'll probably never see her again.

There was once we were together almost everyday... there was once that I'd just take her out for a ride. There was once, I can't imagine living @ Bt. Panjang w/o her (oh gawd the horrible public transport system). But I guess everything changed once I moved back to my parents' place. Right smack in the middle of town, it was way more convenient to take public transport, considering that I only work 1 MRT stop away & the horrendous peak hour traffic. I barely go out anymore... and even if I do, I'm around my home's vicinity - no reason to take her out & inccur those parking rates. For months she was left in the carpark collecting dust... totally neglected. Heck, I didn't even pay the damn season parking.

I guess itz better this way. She's leaving tomorrow. Back to the bike shop I got her like 3 years ago. Manx... 3 years. Has it been that freaking long? I'll miss her. I'll always remember the times we spent together - the feeling of riding down the KJE at 140kmph, the times huddled at the side of the expressway under the flyover during heavy rain... etc. Bleah ~ non-bikers will never understand how it is. The bond between a rider & his/her bike. The feeling of actually turning the throttle & feel the power... lol not to mention all those frustrations with lame-ass drivers cutting ur lane and more. Yeah... u'll nvr understand unless you've been there, done that.

*shrugx* That'z all behind me now I suppose. I don't think I'll own another bike again. Am just getting too old for that. Hmmm... come to think of it, I wonder if I'll ever even get to sit on a bike (even as a pillion) ever again. Lost touch of all my "biker friends" and I doubt I'll ever date again, much less date a guy who rides a bike. Face it. Am going on to 27. I'm getting a divorce this year. Find love again? Get into another relationship? Lolx. I think I'll have better luck striking Toto or even winning the Big Sweep... though unfortunately, I don't gamble.

Well... guess this is how Life is. Chapters have to be closed. And come tomorrow, I would have reached the end of another phase of my journey. Goodbye my princess. Ride with the wind.

2008-03-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

Been a while since I last posted any screenies... and since the server is down for the nite, ah heck... might as well link a few b4 I turn in. A couple of pics from the recent Kara runs ^-^

And these are the folks on our 1st scheduled run /cheer

Awaiting for the show to begin... The Wizard of Oz

Down goes the Maiden of Virtue - raped!!

Jeez ~ what big hooves u have!!

Yeah rightfully there should be so much more screenies but I guess I was too busy trying to work out what to do, which mob to pull... etc. to actually remember to take them. Lolx. Unfortunately though, I gotta admit, we have yet to do a full clear of the place. We never managed to down Illhoof nor Netherspite... and no one can summon Nightbane as yet. *sigh* Guess the raid tends to break up somewhere in between - with assholes saying they gotta go and all. TM needs to recruit. Desperately. At least guildies wouldn't bail. Those deserters are on the same rank as gankers & campers I'd say.

Anyway... what matters is, we are making progress every single week. Now to attempt for a full clear the nxt time - then to shorten our timing & set Kara on farm.

FOR THE ALLIANCE!!

2008-03-11T12:13:00.000+08:00

I wonder how much privacy is allowed to the staff here. Am aware that I’m taking a risk by even doing this – and yes, it is a risk coz for once I don’t have the desire to simply resign & look for another job. Am I settled down? I don’t know. For now am pretty contented with how things are over here… even though my pay is well, measly. I know they monitor the websites we surf – I gotten gamefaqs, tentonhammer & wowwiki blocked after the day I accessed them. I wonder if they can see what I’m seeing on my screen – I know such software exists. I wonder if they even have keyloggers. I know their silence doesn’t mean I’m getting away with it. I know I’m pushing my limits by even writing this blog entry now.

So why the fuck am I doing it?

I don’t know. I just have his weird little desire to type something… ramble on and on a little... etc. Itz a shame that I ain’t home right now. It’s a good time to actually write a short story or poem or whatever crap. Such moods don’t come often. And when they do, it’s always at the wrong time *sniggers*

Server maintenance later tonight. There goes my dailies for today. Managed to do quick one b4 I left for the office. 7g. Better than nothing. But there goes 50g… coz I won’t be able to get home b4 it goes down. Even if I do, it’ll be a feat to solo them. Such is the fate of a prot warrior. Dps is so amazingly low, that considerable dmg is taken b4 the mob goes down – dmg that I can’t simply just heal like pallys, droods or holy priests. Yeah. I’d say a prot warrior is even worse than a holy priest when farming is involved. Dps is equally low… but they can heal, we can’t. We have a longer downtime. That’s y I don’t farm for primals solo. It’s just a waste of energy & one wrong pull will mean a run from the gy + expensive armor repair.

Yes I’m talking about WoW again. /shrug can’t help that either. It’s like the only thing that I want to talk about in my life rite now. Especially now that TM is starting to raid Karazhan every weekend. We still haven’t have enough attuned & geared guildies to make it a full guild run – always having to waste time on LFM. It’s highly annoying, but am trying to put up with it. Just hopefully we’ll manage to recruit more soon. If not… there’s well, the option of guild merging with STDs or simply finding another guild. I don’t like those options though. I like TM & the current bunch of TMers. But I really don’t wish to stunt my own raid progression. Karazhan is not the end. There’s still Gruul’s , ZA, SSC… etc. And there’s WOTLK due to release sometime this year. So many things to do, so little time. Wonder if a few of us TMers can be considered 'hardcore' since we doing 1 instance almost every night. Only on weekends we probably skip the instance dailies... and the only reason y we do that is coz Kara saps up all our energy already. LoL

Don't tell me to get a Life. I have one. In the World of Warcraft with my fellow TMers. And I like it the way it is now. Sucks to be you if you don't comprehend it =)

2008-02-25T11:38:00.000+08:00

/yawn… so sleepy. 10:05am. In the office. *sigh* How I wish I was home sleeping instead, and with luck, dreaming of L. Been a while since I last blogged. Didn’t have the time to do so @ home, and and work… well, with that many eyeballs roving ard now (one of the cons of shifting to a larger firm than before – not that I’m complaining much as the pros greatly outweigh the cons on the overall & am getting along pretty okay with my colleagues), it’s pretty much of a risk. Am taking that risk rite now, to prevent myself from falling asleep at the desk.

Yep, it doesn’t take a genius to guess. It’s all coz of WoW again. Logged off at approx. 2am last nite and spent another 15min on the guild forum, approving accounts & looking at the new posts. Yeah… just 15min. The forum ain’t exactly active yet, though we’ve been trying to get members posting. /shrugx can’t blame them anyway – the game itself already takes up too much time. Not many will have the spare minutes to post. Spare minutes are better spent farming honor in bg or motes for gold. The more epics our toons are equipped with, the higher the repair fee. Imagine, with my tank gear rite now, one death is equivalent to slightly more than 3g… and I’m not exactly epicced-out yet. It’s just gonna get higher down the road.

Hmm… I dunno. Am just wondering if I should continue making the warrior my main instead of the rogue (who is lvl 55 now). Have respecced to a Prot warrior – and rite now, farming for motes is equivalent to hell. Really. It takes so goddamned long to kill 1 elemental & the downtime (ie. eating/bandaging) is too f**king long. Not to mention, wearing plate & taking almost all hits in an instance usually adds up to an amazing repair fee compared to other members of my party with equivalent gear. Guess nth is fair in this world & yeah was dumb enough to roll a tank in the 1st place.

Dpsers just have it all easy if u ask me. Especially the clothies. Cloth is cheaper than the rest. They stand at range… taking minimal dmg, even from AoEs – minimal repair fee. Plus at the rate they kill, farming is a breeze. Another class who seems to have it all, are the hunters. Their pet tanks, they take no dmg… hence no armor repair. And the best thing? They don’t have to respec for arena matches. Well yeah there are certain differences between PvP builds & PvE builds, but its not that bad if they don’t respec. Just imagine a Prot warrior in arena. Duh. Not that I’m respeccing everytime I go in… am just leeching the arena pts from my group and losing all matches I enter lol. At least in bg, with healers spamming heals on me… it isn’t too bad. Though ally sux on the overall when it comes to bg – losing like 95% of the time. Sheesh, wonder how long will it take for me to obtain the Gladiator set… well, not that it’s a priority rite now. Itz just a “want”, not exactly a “need”. Should focus my spare minutes on Ainarielle instead. At least she will be able to farm at a decent rate come lvl 70.

Anyway, TM had our 1st guild Karazhan run last Sat. It was a wipe fest, as expected, but it was fun. I daresay though, we did pretty well working together considering it’s the 1st time the majority of us went in. I’ve only been there once before, tagging along with the over-geared players of my rogue’s guild. That had been easy. Eru was still an MS warrior then. No sweat. The guild run was different though. Role was: MT. Midnight went down easily enough – though the 1st attempt was a wipe as we waited too long for a dc & the mobs respawned during the time w/o anyone noticing. Got Moroes on the 3rd try. It was Maiden that’s tricky. Wipe after wipe… till we agreed to reschedule the run for another day… but during our last try, got lucky. We downed her with just our OT & 2 healers left alive. Rofl.

Shame that I didn’t get any loot that day. But was having fun, so it didn’t really matter too much. We stopped @ Maiden. Going in again tonite at 11pm ST to see how far we can get b4 the instance resets tomorrow. Oh yeah I do forsee another 30g worth of repairs, a lot of ciggies & a very very sleepy day in the office tomorrow.

Hope I can resist the temptation of taking MC for Tues. Took too much leave this month already & frankly, I should try to take MC less with this firm. They don’t really need me to begin with. My workload is relatively low… till it’s a pain trying to look busy at times. I’m not getting new cases from the other lawyers, coz they all have this perception that I’m the Level ?? (boss) bitch’s private sec from the way she behaves… and I don’t seem to be getting any new cases from her either. *sigh* Anyhow, it just sucks. I dare predict that she’s gonna have an adverse effect on any career path I may have here… but bleah, seriously I wonder, is this is path I wanna take? Frankly, how far can I go here? In a law firm, itz just lawyers and staff. Without the qualifications, I’ll always be the staff no matter what. Am not too sure if I should settle for that for the rest of my life, considering that I actually do have a BA in Mass Communication. *sigh* Am still as aimless as I was when I first graduated. The wanderlust hasn’t diminished a single bit either… the only thing is, rite now, I don’t mind my situation that much. I just hope that the firm doesn’t decide that I’m just an “extra” afterall & get rid of me. Lolx, yeah coz from the start, I don’t actually belong here. Am only here becoz they kindly accepted me along with the old firm.

Well… should try removing those kinda thoughts frm my mind. Doesn’t help my morale too much. Heh, would rather focus on looking forward to the continuation of our Kara raid later. Heh, unexpectedly, I didn’t game that much the entire weekend. It was just Kara on Sat, normal BM & ½ of h. BF last nite. Yeah yeah, I finally got my lazy self outta the house for a bit.

Went for a movie marathon on Sat – Death Note, Death Note 2: the Last Name & L: Change the World. Admittedly, the main reason y I went was L. It’s no secret that I find him… attractive, and /nod I’ve blogged about that before. Anyway that ain’t important… lol would leave the fantasies to myself instead. The movie. The spinoff. Hmm… gotta say that I was pretty disappointed. Yah yah I know, it has nothing to do with Death Note – it’s a spinoff afterall. It’s just taking the Death Note characters & throwing them into a crime busting movie. The plot itself is pretty okay, though there are certain things that don’t add up. Heh, but it’s interesting to see that L is capable of showing emotion afterall.

Verdict: 9/10 for eye candy; 3/10 for storyline

Sunday afternoon was spent @ Siloso Beach. Been such a freaking long time since I last went there. Tried to get a tan, but unfortunately the weather didn’t exactly cooperate. Had like only 10 min of good tanning sun. After that it was pretty hazy – damn the fires in Indo again – and needless to say, tanning was an epic fail. Kek, but I had fun on the overall. It does feel good not being cooped up at home in front of the PC & having some interaction with fellow humans f2f instead of merely reading text over the Internet, once in awhile. Haha not to mention, it was meeting up with someone I haven't seen in a few years =D Bleah ~ only shame was that my skin tone remained the same… am getting freaking pale T.T

11:38am now. Managed to burn some time, thankfully… but there’s still such a long way to go till the end of the day. *think happy thoughts* Karazhan later. Plan – cc targets, dps targets, loot.

2008-02-11T03:21:00.000+08:00

4 days of holidays just passed by so quickly... and itz back to wrk tml. *sigh* How I wish I could just be a slacker, living on a part-time job & spending the rest of my time in WoW or on the PS2. Guess not everyone has the luxury to simply do nothing @ home. The cost of living in Singapore is way too high. Even most average folks with a regular job are merely making ends meet. /shrug.

Anyway... I wonder what this "new year" brings for me. Itz only the 4th day of the lunar new year... and already itz been 2 deaths in the family. Uncle passed away on the 2nd - went to his wake earlier. The other, my maternal grandma.

You know, it really made me glad that I dragged myself visiting on the 1st day. If not, I wouldn't even have had the chance to see her for 1 last time. Well... I ain't exactly close to her, and I don't really have that many memories of her... but still, she's my grandmother... and I guess the way she held my hand, smiled & said something in Cantonese (that I didn't understand) the day I went to visit her... that image will probably stick in my mind forever. Even though she could barely recognise who I am - took her awhile to recall. Guess thatz what happens... u get old, ur memory fades. Yeah perhaps u can say that I'm a rotten grandchild, visiting only once a year. Perhaps I'm just too selfish to spend my time on others... I dunno. There's really nth much I can say or do rite now, but I was really glad that I went that day.

I really hope that my mum ain't taking it too bad. It ain't an easy thing to bear I suppose. Losing a brother & mum in such a short time. I wonder how it feels, dealing with the death of an immediate family member. I could see that my cousins were like barely holding back their tears coz of my uncle & my aunts & uncles... they were pretty upset about grandma. Even my mum. On the verge of breaking into tears when she looked @ family pictures taken in the past when grandma was still alive.

Itz fucked up manx. That everyone has to leave someday. I just hope I'll be strong enuff to deal with it when itz my parents turn to go. I know I know, I shouldn't be thinking of such stuff... and to set the record straight, I ain't cursing them or anything. Like every normal folk out there, I do wish that they'll be around forever... but being realistic, it isn't going to happen. They'll leave someday... and I just fucking hope that day doesn't come anytime too soon. Then again... anytime will be too soon, if u get what I mean. *sigh*

Also I can't help wondering who the fuck will be at my wake. Family? Chances are I'll be single & childless till the day I die. Friends? Well... I wonder if I'll have any left @ that age. Even now... it seems that I don't have that many friends around anymore. Weekends are spent at home WoWing. Time after wrk spent at home WoWing. Guess u can say that one of the reason y I spend that much time gaming is coz I simply don't have any other activities to indulge in. Look, even my bro had friends coming over during the CNY period. Me? I basically sat in front fo the PC the entire day. *sigh* I guess, if my bro outlives me, he'll be the only one at my wake.

Pathetic.

2008-01-15T14:14:00.000+08:00

13/01/2008. The game truly begins. Erulisse dinged to lvl 70 in the midst of a Durnhole run. A fruitful run for me, come to think of it – considering the chestpiece from Skarloc dropped (finally a chestpiece upgrade from my lvl 60 quest reward) & we managed to recruit yet another member into TM ^-^ After the run, it was a mad rush to get my flying mount then rushing off to Jap class. My bro has already started spending Gs on a better set of armor (and hell yeah, he could afford it coz with his druid flight form, he didn’t need to purchase a flying mount), enchants and gems. Am tempted to purchase armor… but thing is, I wouldn’t really wanna get a set of nice ones & then end up getting an upgrade from a run, rendering it useless. Don’t really have the time to do too much research either. /shrug

Anyway ~ very soon I can no longer avoid my “fate”. Respec. Initial intention was to respec when everyone’s ready for Kara. That’ll definitely give me time for some BGs and maybe a couple of Arena battles… but after attempting Shadowlabs on Mon with 2 guildies and getting our asses kicked by Murmur (wiped till everyone ended up with totally busted gear & we eventually gave up past 2am), am starting to hear the inner voice telling me to respec should we wanna go any further. Oh yeah… bro offered to be tanking in the meantime, till my respec. But looking @ things frm a broader view, it’ll mean that I become a liability. Sure I can go dps, but there’s no way I can match up to pure dps classes (Arms-Prot spec to begin with)… and should I
tank, am not too sure if I can hold agro well enough – lately itz been my bro tanking the trash mobs & then me doing the boss fights. Only thing is ~ if I do respec, it’ll mean my BG days are pretty much over & I might not be able to obtain the Gladiator set I want (and yes, the damn set will be useless should Eru go Prot).

Bleah, will leave the thinking to another day… am so freaking sleepy rite now that I might just doze off @ the PC. Falling asleep at work is just such a bad idea. Better force myself to sleep earlier each night or at least take a nap the minute I get home, b4 I start WoWing. The thing is – there are like so much stuff to do in game that I can’t really afford to spare time slacking away. Farming for thorium (bloody hell, am still stuck with Thorium, imagine that), farming for honor & marks in BGs (haven’t gotten luck getting into a premade yet so itz a downright slow crawl) Jeez… I really hope there’s server maintenance tonite. I really need an earlier-than-usual night w/o waking up to WoW.

Weekends are supposed to be for catching up on lost snooze, but instead I end up pushing more hours on WoW instead of sleeping. Let me recap the one that just passed. Friday – dinner, getting clothes @ This Fashion & American Gangster @ Cathay. The movie was so bad that I left the cinema in dazed mode, went home & promptly fell asleep. That was about 1am. 2am, woke up and WoW began. After everyone else went to sleep, I continued with BG. Sat morning, am still WoWing… wasted 2hrs+ in EPL helping some pally (and regretted that I did coz it came with a 7g repair) & 45min in VC with a new recruit. Noon, off to Sim Lim to get RAM for Phoenix & joined Valk for lunch b4 heading home. Went to sleep again ard 4+, only to wake up barely 4hrs later. It was only till early Sun morning, about 5am that I finally got to really rest…
and not wake up till 7hrs later. Hmm… *does mental calculations* Fri, Sat, Sun = 3 days. Total sleeping hours: 12. Thatz like half the recommended amount of 8hrs/day. Nuff said huh?

And I just have this feeling that... itz only gonna get worse >=)

PS. Had a 200% improvement last nite with the same team. Murdered Murmur after 2 wipes /gg Determination does pay off after all.

2008-01-07T19:00:00.000+08:00

I'm glad I went. I shouldn't have went.

Contradictory, yet again.

My cuz's wedding dinner last nite, thatz what I'm referring to.

The food was good (duh) & itz neat catching up with some of the cuz I haven't seen in a while. Gee... everyone's like all grown up now. Lolx ~ but I suppose some things don't really change. We're still the same bunch horsing ard like the kids we were in the past. Been such a long time since I last seen them though. Yeah I'm the kind who goes MIA during CNY & I don't exactly attend family "gatherings". Jeez, some of them even have kids that are like 2 or 3 already. The last time I saw them... think they just got married. Hahaha

I'm glad I went =)

Thing is, it wasn't 100% pure happiness for me. Oh yeah, am glad that my cuz found a girl to settle down with... but looking @ all those stuff going on... u know, those speeches, those lovey dovey looks the couple give each other... etc. bleah ~ face it, I am jealous. Itz just so f**king sweet. Itz just wonderful, isn't it? Finding the special someone whom u know is gonna be with u for the rest of ur life. I can't even remember how falling in love feels like anymore... and frankly, I don't think I can ever bring myself to trust anyone again. Oh rite, I might get hitched... on and off, down the road... but actual commitment? Actually cultivating the hope that a r/s might get somewhere? No thanx. This ain't fair, but itz difficult not to think of every guy out there as an asshole to a certain extent. After all the assholes that I've gone thru... lol all those bad judgement calls. Seriously... looking at all that back then, makes me wonder what in the world got me attracted to those folks in the 1st place. /spit

And all that is on top of the questioning I had to face frm my relatives. Yah lah, those typical questions of "where is ur husband"... and to those who don't know... it'll be "when is ur turn, where is ur bf?". Damnit. What I really wanna tell them is, I'm getting a divorce and the bf after my hubby, that didn't wrk out... so quit asking coz itz making me feel as if I'm doing something wrong for all this to happen this way. They were the jerk-offs, not me. Am glad that itz over coz they are unworthy.

*shrugx* ain't gonna make this evolve into yet another sob entry of mine. That, is in the past. The past is... (duh) the past. It ain't easy... and I won't say for sure that I've left my emotional baggage behind... but I daresay I'm better off than some others. *sniggers* At least I don't end up being "haunted by my past" when the festive seasons come. Oh yeah... I do feel the twinge of lonliness... but at ahhh fuck it, brush it away when I can... bury it when I can't... and if all measures fail... bleah. Am just rambling anyway... once again am in the queue to logon to Barth. Come to think of it... maybe one of the reasons y I'm so addicted to the game is coz... it does give me something to do.

3 more min... /yawn.

I betta sleep earlier tonite. Was dozing off @ wrk earlier & I think some colleagues noticed. Wouldn't wanna end up fired =X

2008-01-06T16:53:00.000+08:00

Just came home frm a haircut & lunch with a friend I haven't met for quite awhile. In the server queue of 300+ *sigh* That'll be a minimum wait time of 20min am sure. Damn Blizz. Barthilas is so full these days that I gotta queue like crazy just to logon... not to mention, server seems to be having restarts waaaaay too often... oh yeah, and the frequent Stinknet d/cs. Nah ain't a problem with Phoenix here. Itz a mass d/c thing. Bleah, so many things I've gotta be doing. Gotta farm for more thorium, clear quests in Zanga & do an instance or two... but ah well ~ got a wedding dinner to attend later tonite so guess that will have to wait. Ain't prepared to give up on sleep. But lolx, yeah having lunch earlier was worth tha time spent lah. Can't possibly hermitize myself to that kinda extent. Casual gaming. Not hardcore gaming. That I gotta remind myself now and then... though at times it does seem a little difficult to draw the line.

Wonder how will the folks @ wrk react to my hair tml. I colored it. Looks kinda muted reddish-purple with streaks of brighter red. Hmm... I just hope the firm ain't too traditional. Not that I care terribly about the job, but since life has reached a little plateau now, let me enjoy the peace b4 any tremors occur again. Yeah ~ am no longer in the sole propriertor firm anymore. That hath ceased to exist on 31 Dec though I daresay, the last week spent in there was pretty much Hell... imagine wrking till 7pm on X'mas eve and almost 5 on new year's eve, having to go back on that weekend as well. I know I know, some folks got it worse, and I shouldn't be griping about it... but oei, fuck lah. My blog. Complain!! Anyway to look @ things on the bright side, at least I ain't going back that late in this new place anymore, an no longer do I have to do everything. The only troublesome part is now that there are more colleagues, I gotta start watching my back. Though itz pretty unfair to assume that there are "evil folks" ard, but itz always betta to be safe than sorry. No wrk place is w/o politics.

Heh... anyway, this is how Erulisse looks rite now. Lvl 68 warrior (screenie taken @ lvl 67) and finally I get a damn set of color-cordinated gear. Lolx ~ was a little tired of looking at a mismatched toon all the time. Hell yah, folks have mentioned that I'm just going for looks... but heyz, I'm the one playing rite? And at the end of the day, the point of gaming is to have fun. Not to get stressed up about too much stuff. That I gotta constantly remind myself too. Coz I find myself getting annoyed when instance runs don't go well due to certain reasons... and I'm starting to get a little patient at times. *shrugx* Guess itz just too many things to do, and too little time to do them. Gotta watch myself b4 I degenerate to the extent that WoW becomes no longer just a game, but a 2nd job.

You'll understand if you start playing. Hard to "see why" if you ain't "one of us". Lolx, but last Fri nite was cool. Took a short break of instancing and actually met the party offline for supper!! Yeah was in an all-sg guild. Done 2 instances... last one being Underbog. When someone asked, what next? Sleep or...? I couldn't help suggesting supper (I daresay though, at that point of time, I didn't think anyone would wanna take it up) & though everyone was living pretty far apart, we went for it. Haha ~ so instead of LF1M UB... it became LF1M supper. Bleah, gotta treasure times like this XD

Hmm... itz 2008 now. Time flies pretty fast huh? Had an eye infection during x'mas (what a wonderful prezzie) and spent new year eve @ sentosa with a bunch of mates playing Uno & other silly games like murderer and 007. That really proves that... it doesn't really matter what you do. What matters is the people you do them with. Yeah sure, we did miss the fireworks. We did no countdown & neither did we attend any countdown party & got all pissed drunk... but heyz, it was cool. Laughter, silly things, pain (coz of heart attack... u know, the game whereby u smack the hands of others when u get 4 in a row... not the real thingy). Guess all you really do need in life is a bunch of such friends u can hang out with.

Seems like I've got pretty much to be thankful about afterall... depsite all the shit I find myself getting into now and then.

Heh... should be able to enter login screen now. /vanish.

2007-12-21T09:50:00.000+08:00

/sigh am officially 26 now. With age comes responsibility... and the urgency to "do something" with my life. Something aside from decomposing in a dead-end low-paying job. *shrugx* Work hasn't been good these days. Itz getting more & more difficult tolerating the endless nag nova the Level ?? (boss) b!tch dishes out. Time & again I get nonsense about being "unwilling" to put in extra hours - even though I don't even remember the last time I left @ 6pm anymore. Itz Fri today & I just know itz gonna be really bad. The only consolation? Itz the weekend after I get thru' the next 10 or so fucked up hours. Yeah ~ I don't foresee myself going home anytime after 8pm... after what I did on Wed.

/cackle. It waz my bday then. Dragged myself to work though. Boss called at 9:30am and unleashed hell. Not wanting to fuck up the rest of my day, I simply settled the "urgent" matters and left the office b4 she came in. Oh yeah... she did call my handphone to kick up a fuss, even tot he extent of asking me to just 'take the meds & come back to work'. Lolx ~ what in the world gave her the idea that I'll agree? Haha... it was difficult sneaking outta the office alredi, and after all that wait @ the clinic, I'm supposed to just give up my MC and return for another half day of crap? Hell NO!! What I did instead, was simply enjoy myself at home... till dinner with my parents at Fish & Co and [ National Tresure: Book of Secrets ] at VivoCity, midnite. Then yeah, it was WoW all the way till nxt morning since yesterday was a public holiday afterall.

Had a pleasant day >=)

*grinx* And yeah, thanks to all who'd wished me a Happy Birthday ~ either on the day itself, an advance before & belated. I really do appreciate it XD

Friends have been asking me to quit my job for quite sometime alredi. I might just do that... but not yet I suppose. Am starting at a new place the start of next year, and well, hopefully things would be better there. The salary is still the same. Low. But considering that itz a larger place, am sure there'll be more opportunity avaliable. Wonder how'z the wrking environment gonna be though - but doesn't matter. Told myself that I'm gonna just go in there "test water" for a fortnight and if things don't look good, time to turn to the Classifieds & online job sites once again. Hmm... do I regret not taking up the other position offered to me at that time? Well ~ nah. I do wonder how it would have been... but regret? Nah. That was a 6-day work week thingy afterall, so it might have been worse (though the pay was definitely better).

Jia lat. Falling asleep now. I just hope I've got enuff energy to last thru' the day. Bleah. Itz kinda sad siahx... that the only thing I look forward to every single day, is the end of it when I can finally close my eyes & rest. Lolx.

Gotta post a screenie of Erulisse in her winter wear soon ^-^

2007-12-17T10:05:00.000+08:00

Slightly more than a week to Christmas, 2 days more to my bday. Hmm... no idea why but "events" like these tend to magnify the feeling of lonliness that I try to ignore each day. Can't really explain why, but everytime such "events" are here, it kinda makes me wanna have someone to share them with. Blame it on luck, or the lack of it - the last time I actually had someone for such times was... err... a very long time ago. Itz pathetic, I know. Feeling lonely. It just reflects an inabilty to well... be alone. Sheesh. Thought I should have gotten over such feelings by now. Somehow, they still come, and I can't help it. Though I daresay, itz so much easier to keep them in check... so much easier to simply ignore it when the "waves" come. Such feelings and more... eg. the sinking disappointment when surfaces when someone doesn't respond to my SMS (I shall not elaborate on who this someone is); the bubble of irritation when I see certain nicks on MSN... etc. But gah!! Such things don't kill - not immediately that is, though I do think that a buildup of such feelings do have a certain impact on mental health that in turn affects everyting else - they just annoy.

Someday... the day will come when I'll manage to seal myself behind an iceblock that last for more than 10 secs, though I am no freaking mage.

Does all that above make any sense? Bleah ~ itz a Monday morning. The words don't flow too well. The brain is still recovering from the heavy gaming weekend (heavy on the hours... but not much gain in terms of levelling & instance running). The only thing I'm looking forward to? Is the PH on Thursday. Why? Lolx ~ well, public holidays are always good. It'll give me more time to WoW ^-^

Anyway yeah, speaking of WoW. Not much gain the past weekend. Due to a clash in timing with my usual party members (+ me falling asleep on Fri nite at 11:30pm & not waking up till the nxt morning), didn't manage to clear any quests in Hellfire, nor did we manage to go to any instance. Looking @ things on the bright side though, well... managed to get my retardin up to lvl 16 and my gay priest till lvl 17. Also finally managed to obtain enough mithril & gotten past the 260 "block" on blacksmithing... turned in the thorium needed and now I can make those imperial plate armor!! Just the belt, bracers & shoulders for now. Will need bs 300 should I wanna be able to make the rest of the pieces too. Bleah ~ wanted to level Ainarielle (coz I've been spending too much gold on leather frm the AH) but just couldn't find the time to. Feel like kicking myself for falling asleep on Fri nite.

But hmm... one "accomplishment" this weekend is obtaining the Worg Pup I wanted!! From LBRS. Woohoo!! Haha ~ as I can't stealth... I had to drag ppl down with me to "do things the hard way". And bleah, it was difficult though we made it eventually. Haha guess u must be wondering, why the fuck izzit difficult since we are supposedly "over levelled" & wearing outlands gear... well. We had no proper cc. And the party was simply made up of, a lvl 63 warrior, a lvl 63 pally & a lvl 65 warlock. 'Nuff said huh?

Hahah and yeah that reminds me. Cleared Zul'Gurub... and got myself a pretty little epic shield!! Woohoo!! Had help frm a lvl 70 pally friend & a few other 70s though. Bleah ~ wiped a couple of times @ 1st... when we gotten to Hakkar. Haha ~ were being overconfident then... trying to do it with just 9 group members. Think itz like what... a 20-man lvl 60 raid & we had 3 lvl 60+s and 6 lvl 70s. Dps was just way too low and when we added another 4-5 folks into the raid group, it became a piece of cake. Hmm... gotta try doing the rest of the lvl 60 pre-TBC stuff just for the fun of it sometime.

Well ~ now come to think of it. The weekend wasn't that wasted afterall. Now to get past the next 3 days.

2007-12-07T10:15:00.000+08:00

All mood ruined by one phonecall to the office so freaking early in the morning. Who else could it be? Itz that Level ?? (boss) b1tch again, obviously... with a nag crit at this hour. And as usual, I just think thatz totally uncalled for. Hmm... I haven't been complaining about work much huh? Doesn't mean that there isn't any frustration to contend with day in and out. If it wasn't for the fact that this firm is gonna close down by the end of this year & join another, I would have handed in my resgination letter. Now itz just 3 weeks more. With the upcoming public holidays, hopefully I'll have determination to stick thru' it. Sheesh, doesn't help that I'm starting to regret the choice I made in the 1st place. Should have said f**k it to both job offers & continued searching for something else. Coz apparently, this is going nowhere either.

Just think. Am being paid a pittance of 1.5k per mth, when most folks of my age & qualification are getting about 2k. Yeah yeah I've got a 5-day work week... but trust me, if u add in all the extra hours on the weekday, u'll make at least a 1/2 day on Sat, am sure. So what am I so pissed off rite now? Simple. Level ?? (boss) b1tch called & nagged about me not putting in extra time at work!! knnccb lah. Said what - "you should be prepared to put in extra hours". Eh fuck you, understand? Hmm... on 2nd thoughts, no. Go fuck yourself, understand? You ridiculous old virgin. Have you ever wondered y the secretaries of ur firm keep leaving? This is why. No one likes to stay on after work w/o extra pay... and when people actually do, they still get nagged at. Itz like simi lan jiao lah hor!!!

Officially I should get off at 6pm. Just look @ this week. I got off at 8pm on Mon, 7pm on Tues, 6:30pm on Wed & Thurs. And she's telling me that I should put in "extra hours"? Heyz!! So what the fuck is it I've been doing all this while if not "putting in extra hours"? It doesn't help that I've to put up with her nagging the minute she comes to the office... now even the sound of her voice sickens me. Jeez... even my mum doesn't nag this much for gawd's sake. It must be all that sexual frustration (lack of sex, geddit?) she must be experiencing... or maybe simply menopause. Whatever it is, she better find something else to vent her frustrations upon coz I ain't sure how long I can tolerate this nagging. My patience is being testing every fucking day, and I've gotta drag myself to work every single morning. The only thing I look forward to everday is lunch & going home to WoW.

50+, single (never married, mind you), cranky old woman who is totally bitchy. I hope I don't end up this way. Know what? If I ever do show signs of becoming someone like this, someone please put a fucking bullet thru' my head.

The only thing consolation for me rite now, TGIF.

This weekend, I swear I'm gonna clear BRD & farm enough iron to get my Thorium Brotherhood reputation up to friendly - itz now still Neutral after turning in like 20+ stacks of iron. If I had sold all those stuff on the AH, that would have been at least 100g in my pocket. Bleah ~ blacksmithing is such an expensive profession to level. Finally got the remainder of my ornate mithril plans last nite... lol, not that I've got any use for it rite now, but hmmm frm the looks of it, it'll be quite a nice dps set for Loladini in the future - and for her tanking gear, the heavy mithril set & eventually the Imperial set. Yeah am gonna go for the Imperial one next - which means more farm to level smithing till 265. Itz a pathetic 248 rite now T.T wonder how long this is gonna take. It won't be that bad if the Horde aren't disturbing... but they always are. Itz only due to sheer luck that my friend was @ southshore yesterday evening that I got away unscathed. Stupid gankers.

Too many people need to get a life. Level ?? (boss) b1tch included.

2007-12-07T03:10:00.000+08:00

WOOOHOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Left: Neruneya, Synxx, Erulisse, Gck & Aryliene

2007-12-05T10:17:00.000+08:00

OMFG!! He's so f**king cute!!

kk... that sounded like totally bimbotic but those words did run thru' my mind when I watched [ Hitman ] last nite @ GV PS. Haha, don't ask me what I've got for guys who look like that (think Vin Diesel & Stone Cold Steve Austin)... he's just like totally charming. btw... well, saw some of Olyphant's pics on Flixster & he doesn't look that good with hair.

On a side-track... itz perfect that GV offers a special rate for members every Tues. Yep yep, am one of those with a "popcorn card". Though itz just 50 cents off the ticket price, it still rocks... coz well, Tues is the day that WoW undergoes server maintainence anyway. So the timing is just gooood, if u get what I mean. Heh, speaking of which, Wed morning is like the only day in the week whereby I don't wake up super exhausted. Sleepy /yawn... but not exhausted. I know I should really sleep by midnite if I wanna get the recommended 8hrs, but seriously lah, who the fuck sleeps that early?? =.=

Anyway, the movie. It kinda reminds me of xXx (maybe coz of the baldie image), and it sure does remind me of the Bourne series too. Nice guns, good amount of action, pretty decent plot & a pretty little slut... lol. I wouldn't complain even if I'd spent $9.50 on this & watched it on the weekend. Sure beats some of the crappy-looking movies that are out these days that I don't even think about watching eg. Enchanted, Fred Claus, Bratz... etc. But heh heh the producers sure did a great job in uhmm "glorifying" hitmen - making them look so damn cool - u'll know what I mean if u catch it - wonder if they'll end up taking flak for that. You know lah, those hyper-sensitive ppl who will go around saying... "no no, u should not put ideas in the minds of kids that hitmen are cool coz it will influence them to grow up that way" Pah!

Hmm... darn I missed Saw IV.

2007-11-27T10:27:00.000+08:00

Fuck Singnet. Just read the following email I sent thru' their webby less than 5 min ago and you'll understand why I said that.

------- start of email -------

Dear Sir/Madam,

Been experiencing a higher than usual disconnectivity rate while gaming since last week & am wondering what is going on with Singnet, being a reliable ISP that's reputed to be stable for gaming purposes.

The last straw was last night between 11pm - 4am (till I got so annoyed, I logged off) when I was disconnected 5 times while playing WoW. This disrupts the gaming process greatly and should not happen. Am certain that it is not a problem on my part as a couple of my Singnet-using friends were disconnected at the very same time.

The modem was still lighted up as "connected to the Internet", but the service was simply cut off - even MSN failed to connect & websites failed to load... so it wasn't a problem with Blizzard. It took an average of 10min to get back online - having it happen 5 times means 50 min wasted. As you certainly know, alot can be done during 50 min.

Kindly look into this matter and resolve it ASAP as I wouldn't want to experience a disconnection while I'm running and instance or raid with my guild.

Thank you.

------- end of transmission -------

They better fucking get back to me with a satisfactory response... and that problem better be resolved. Yes, I will not hesitate to switch ISPs if that continues on a regular basis - even if I have to pay the penalty for breaking the contract & itz gonna be a hassle setting up the wireless at home to connect to Phoenix. The only reason y I stuck to Singnet though everyone else @ home is using Starhub, paying the extra $45+ per mth, is coz Singnet is supposed to be reliable. Well... it used to be, till recently. With exception of the disconnection experience when some bozo calls at the wrong time (and I have no idea y that problem still ain't fixed - helpdesk ain't helpful) this didn't use to happen. The problem wasn't only last nite. Sometime last week, it was so bad that I had to actually turn off the modem & wait for it to get back on... wasting even more precious minutes. Thankfully I didn't log back on to see my toon dead or I tell you... my personal rage bar will max out in an instant. Repair fee ain't cheap and considering that I'm lv 59 now, and am desperately saving up for the lv 60 mount, every 50s counts (yes that'z the amt I pay when I die once).

My friend's guildies weren't that lucky - they were doing a raid @ that point of time last week... and imagine the reaction of the MT when he realised that all his healers got d/ced. The end result was inevitable & all of them hearthed back to Shattrath after they got back online. Raid was cancelled that day coz most of them were feeling sian. Imagine lah, kenna wipe coz of an uncontrollable factor - u tell me you sian or not?

Yeah yeah, u can tell me itz no big deal... that it's only a game. Well... will see if u'll still feel the same if u are doing something online, eg. having a webcam chat with ur gf living in another country & ur ISP fucks up this way. No big deal mah... just chatting with gf tio bo? *sniggers* Anyway my point is, don't belittle what means a great deal to another. You aren't that person so STFU coz you'll never understand. Plus don't forget... what means alot to u, will seem ridiculous in the eyes of another. Pls don't even be so fucking egoistic to even think that the world should operate a certain way (though admittedly I think everyone sould just put aside their differences & stop those stupid wars - see, I'm egoistical as well), and that people should do certain things in order to justify their puny existence on this lump of rock we call Earth.

Anyway... OT.

50min. Jeez I could have slept at 3am instead of 4am ~ and if I had slept earlier, I could have woken up earlier to do some farming for mithril. 230+/300 blacksmithing. Pathetic. Will need 265 to obtain the quests for the Imperial plate set plans... and considering that I'm still wearing lv. 40+ armor, the Imperial plate stuff are now more desired than ever. *nod nod* I can't imagine stepping into the Outlands with my current eq., and warriors are pretty gear dependent. As to why my eq sux so bad? Lolx ~ good question. Guess itz coz ever since I hit 50, I've been grinding quests more than running instances... quest rewards were nothing fancy & when I actually do have instance runs... my luck's so bad that everything else - cloth, leather, mail - drops except plate items. Woohoo. At this rate things go, sooner or later I'll be tempted to ninja... ROFL >=D

Anyway I wonder how long Singnet will take to resolve that prblem. Hmm... one thing I noticed about Singpore is... being a small country, certain stuffs are dominated by certain "giants", eg. talking about ISPs, itz just Singnet vs Starhub really. Pacnet is pretty insignificant so I ain't gonna bother mentioning them. So itz like 2 giants competing against each other. Not much of a competition ehx? Those giants are pretty confident in their domination that they ignore the disgruntled customers... coz they know that, even if they fuck up, what can we do? Break the contract and go somewhere else? Swear off the Internet completly? Lolx... there isn't much of a choice manx. Perhaps this is the reason y some of the giants (and I ain't only talking about ISPs) provide so shitty customer service - they can afford to do so.

Think about that manx.

2007-11-20T17:45:00.000+08:00

Been checking up thottbot now & then, reading up on the quests & item drops avaliable for the "upcoming instances" on my list. Will probably do another 2-3 Sunken Temple (Temple of Atal`Hakkar - jeez what a mouthful) runs... since I promised a friend to accompany him on Thurs & have already placed a call to my guildies for this weekend. *shrugx* Yeah it seems that I'm always doing runs that are "lower" than what I'm supposed to be doing. Lolx ~ well... guess that'll be the situation till our levels even up - which is sometime soon, coz now the gap is like 4 alreadi. Anyway yeah there's a couple of stuff that I won't mind having frm ST but what made me pretty gian when I checked thott earlier was Blackrock Depths. All those blues... *whistles* will be a good upgrade from the stuff I'm currently equipped with. The only troublesome thingy is that there are 3 plate wearers, me inc., in my current regular party so guess we'll be "fighting" over the drops as usual. haha ~ wonder if I'll be able to persuade them to run till everyone has what they wants... thatz really the best way to do things >=D

Anyway am only halfway reading on BRD. Thottbot ain't very cooperative rite now (actually the main problem should be my company's internet connection). There's still Dire Maul, Lower Blackrock Spire... etc. that I can start keeping my eye out on. *sniggers* Ahhhh I just can't wait to get myself up to 70 and start raiding ^_^ Hopefully by then I'll have contacts with a hardcore raid guild or two. Nah I ain't leaving TM. Am enjoying myself pretty much in there & everyone are nice enough. But guess if I'll have to... at the worst I'll just leave one of my alts in TM and join something else. Bleah still too early to say. Yeah yeah, I still suck when it comes to PVP... getting pwned by almost everyone who attacks me ~ those that I am confident I've got a chance to kick their ass, they usually don't even touch me hahaha... and yeah, I'm too kind to wack anyone until they touch me 1st. Most of the time. Typical me.

Arrgghhh now am so gian to play. But I can't. Still in the office & tml is my JCS exam. I must die die study tonite. Gotta resist the temptation to logon to WoW (with exception of dinner period). Thankfully on that I've got help frm some guildies. Told them I'm having a paper on Wed & they will nag if they see me on. Lolx. Studied a little yesterday but doubt thatz sufficient. I wonder if I can even pass. Lolx. Typical me once again. Procrastination till the last minute. Gotta keep reminding myself that my JLPT ain't too far away either. 2 Dec. Bleah ~ guess I'll just relak the rest of this week after my JCS papers, wack as many instances as possible & clear as many quests as I can... then starting nxt week, b4 WoW, gotta dedicate 2hrs for study liaox.

Tok tok tok, plan plan plan, think think think... in the end still nvr do.

*shakes head*

2007-11-16T09:53:00.000+08:00

Maybe once again itz time to take a step back & re-evaluate what the fuck I've been doing the past couple of mths. Ever since I've gotten WoW, I don't seem to do anything else except hang out in Azeroth. Oh yeah, I do still squeeze in a couple of anime & drama eps here and there (especially when I'm eating) but that aside... hmm what else have I been doing? Spent the last weekend at home, and chances are this weekend's gonna be the same. My junk frm Jelapang is still lying unpacked in cartons ard the house. My paid bills, random sheets of paper... etc. are lying ard on the floor. JCS's exam is just next week & I haven't prepared a single thing... and not mention, JLPT is just 2 weeks away. Though I keep telling myself that I've gotta study, I just can't do it. Even if I should start straight when I get home, before I logon, my mind will drift away. *sigh* I'll try to at least complete the notes frm my old skool's text by this weekend. I know I won't pass. I haven't been putting in enuff... but well *shrugx*

Speaking of WoW, everyone seems to be slacking off these days. Our mains are all "stuck" in the early 50s. Well... not that we have much of a choice. The areas that we're going to are horde infested. And it seems like there are too many childish freaks in that faction... going around ganking & all. Itz like... I dun wanna waste time getting ganked, res, then go back to gank the person back. That could go on for hours, am sure. Just coz the other party has time to burn, doesn't mean that I do as well. Well ~ of coz am sure that there are assholic Alliance jerk-offs, who have too many minutes to burn, lurking ard too (though based on observation, Allys tend to leave Horde alone even when they have the advantage of numbers... but the other way round doesn't seem true). /spit the end result? Everyone seems to be either levelling their alts or just going to low level instances for items. Guess I'm just gonna count on instances for exp to level - and itz damn sian waiting to form a party for Maraudon or ST. One of the cons of playing on a PVP server.

Well... at the worst I've gotta adjust my sleep time ~ log on when the server population is lower & pray that no one disturbs me when I quest. *sigh*

Hmmm... anyway one thing I've been wondering. Is it possible to develop feelings for someone whom you've just recently met online? /shrugx, who knows huh? These days it seems that I've been looking forward to seeing someone online... and if both of us happen to be free enough, on WoW too. Note - if both of us are free enough in game. And no... itz not possible to ask him to run me thru' instances though he's a lvl 70 epic rogue. The best he can do is help me clear some quests that are too difficult for me to solo & escort me to certain places to get fps (just the other day we went frm Teldrassil all the way to Winterspring - on mount lol). Why? Hmm... let's see. He's an undead. Nuff said huh?

Bleah but betta not to think too much about it... coz afterall, he's just a little boy. Hahaha ~ but guess I'm still in the "safe zone" coz I do look forward to seeing some of my guildies online as well (girls included) so I suppose thatz just a normal feeling =X Hmm... whatever. Don't have time to bother about such shite. Rather use those spare minutes to plan what I'm gonna do this weekend to maximise my gaming time. Intention is to run ZF, Mara & ST with my guildies... and I've put a call for that on the guild topic. Got enough ppl interested. The only problem is ~ will all of us be online @ the same hour? The main healer comes on pretty late at nite, and my bro comes back at ungodly hours on the weekend. By that hour... the main tanker will probably be a sleep. We can place our bets for Sat morn. But then... it'll be me having problems waking up =P

/pat self. Dun think too much. What will happen, will happen. If there's anything to worry about, then let me worry about the upcoming JLPT. And hopefully somehow, that worry will turn into motivation & determination.

2007-11-11T13:36:00.000+08:00

The world just ain't safe anymore these dayz /cackle

Caution to all folks travelling alone. Be wary of where you set up your campsite. Coz when the sun sets beneath the horizon, the creatures of the night come out to play...

And try not to travel alone, little girls. For in the desert, it's not only the carrions, hyenas and other beasts that you've to worry about.

And apparently, it seems as if those who dwell in the desert of Desolace don't really like each other as well. F**K off... BIRD!!

But after all that... guess there's always time for some chilling out with those whom you call "friend" - be it over a mug of ale in the local tavern or simply a mound of dirt in the mountains. Itz not the place but the company that mattters. That, makes the world so much easier to bear.

Last but not least, if you really feel darn lonely... get a little pet (though be real wary coz there's not knowing when your pet will ambush you) ^^

And never forget... Time is Money, Friend!!

2007-11-06T13:39:00.000+08:00

I ain't dead. Yet.

Just haven't really gotten the time to blog these days. Yeah yeah time is what u make outta it. Hmm then I shall just put it this way - haven't really gotten the time to be that bored that I gotta blog... with exception of now, that is. Lunch break. In the office. Packed food back. Boss ain't the country. Taking a short break frm my WoW research.

Think I'd betta take a short nap or something later... before 2pm. Have been sleeping even lesser lately (yes, that is possible). It used to be 5-6hrs. Now it's merely 3-4. Even worse on the weekends. What have I been doing? Well if u've been reading my previous blog entires... guess u can guess wtf I've been doing. If u still dunno. Fine. Running instances for self & others, questing, farming, PVP, grinding... more or less in that order *yawn*. And for the rare times I'm not logged on, I'll be doing "research" on certain stuff - most recently blacksmithing.

Time for Erulisse to choose her path. Weaponsmith vs Armorsmith. Heart vs Brain. As always, heart wins... and am now farming for mats to get my skill up till lv 230 to learn the final recipe that I need for the weaponsmith quest. Then I gotta farm the mats & make the actual swords, axes & maces *sigh* more sleepless nights are here to come, am sure. And itz just gonna get worse. Was looking @ PVP gear earlier... the honor pts & medals needed. Jeez. Think I'd better get like half of it now that I'm 49 then get the rest @ 59. Screw the PVP gear for this lvl. Dun really need it... and chances are, I might screw the one for lvl 60 too and go directly for the lvl 70 sets.

kk, nuff talk. No one cares 'bout my WoW stories anyway (yes, I know it... yet I still do it. So?). Might as well dun waste my time & read on.

2007-10-26T20:03:00.000+08:00

Itz one of those days again. Days that I succumb to that internal turmoil. *sigh* It alredi began on Wed... when I came home frm BBDC & actually stopped to think - when was Harusame's backseat fixed? Inititally when I realised I could lock the backseat again I thought it was a fluke. I searched ard in the seat area & didn't find the "metal part" that fell out so I guess... someone must have fixed it. I called Ben. He confirmed that he did it back when I was still @ Jelapang. I didn't realise it till now apparently. When I heard that... I dunno. Something inside me kinda melted. Or rather, I should say my defences simply crumbled. I can't even describe how I felt... I just felt... well I really dunno.

Conflicting thoughts of why the fuck does he still care, and all came into my mind. Then he became... does he still care? If he does, why? I started to tear in the office when I thought of this suddenly too... but I just couldn't allow myself to - itz like, fuck lah, I'm at wrk. Boss will think I've lost my mind if I suddenly started sobbing away. *sigh* I dunno... fuck lah. Why do I still care? Will this ever end? Try as I might tell myself otherwise... am not over this yet. If I am, this shouldn't affect me anymore rite?

Rite?

I dunno. Call me weak, but there's this part of me that misses the past like hell. The times when we were still together - the better days, that is. Thinking of them still makes me cry. The days when... he'll still pick me up after wrk. Then we'll head down to Shop N Save to get groceries. He'll cook dinner while I'll spend some time on the PC. Then we'll eat together in front of the tv. Those days... at times I just can't believe itz all over. I think I was happy then. Am pretty certain that yeah, those days I was actually happy. I'm not sure if itz him that I miss, or us that I do. These days, am not sure about so many things... think the only reason y I'm still alive is coz I log onto WoW most of the time when I get home, then I get so caught up that I don't think of anything else.

*sigh* I'm just fucking weak. Many times the thought hath crossed my mind - should I... u know, try to save whatever that is still left of the r/s before we actually go thru' the divorce. If there's any saving to be done... I suppose there has to be a counselor or something involved but guess he'll never agree so think itz best that I get that idea out of my fucking head. Then again... why the fuck do I wanna get back into all that shit when I'm already well on my way to heading out of that cesspit? I just feel so mortal. Everyone wants to find that someone whom they can spend the rest of their lives with. Guess I am no different.

How I wish I could somehow turn back the time... back to the time when I don't even know such pain can exist. When I could still deliver a genuine smile w/o any bitterness... when I can actually wake up in the morning & tell myself that itz gonna be a good day ahead. Was there even such a time? Hmm... I guess so. I must have been there once. But itz so long ago that I can barely remember anything anymore. Maybe someday this feeling will pass... I dunno. This really reminds me of a line someone once typed - "I never knew that looking back at the times I cried will make me laugh; and that looking back at the times I laughed will make me cry."

Thatz just so fucking true.

Guess beneath all this... I'm nothing more than a little girl grasping at the gradually fading fragments of a fairytale.

2007-10-20T09:08:00.000+08:00

Saw this interesting post on a friend, Tyler's, blog about gaming (the link is here) and just can't help commenting since my name appeared in it =X

Play religiously... hmm, frankly I've nvr thought about gaming as a form of religion. Itz an addiction, yes. But a religion? *shrugx* Maybe it does seem pretty "religious" to a certain extent... but to me, a religion requires a God & some form of worship. I still can remember this thingy I read about while doing research for a thesis during my poly years - my thesis was something about Wiccan being recognised as a religion (and not just an orthodox practice in the eyes of most). Can't remember the exact quote that I used in the paper or where the quote came from, but there were like certain "rules" to determine a religion - yeah I used that as a basis to explain why actually Wiccan should be a religion. Anyway... back on topic, a religion requires a God. There's no God when it comes to gaming, unless u are telling me u are crazy enough to worship Blizzard (then u are just crazy, not religious lol). Ah well ~ so I guess it ain't exactly "like a religion"... more "like a drug"... with withdrawal symptoms and all. MOE.

Screw it. Next.

Gaming & destressing. Hmmz ~ that I can relate to. Gaming is not entirely "destressing". Planning ur character build & the things u wanna do (coz u've got a job & don't have all day to play) is stressful. Lolx. Well, the stats part doesn't apply on WoW coz itz auto, but the planning of the talents.. thatz another thing altogether. Should you go right down a certain talent tree, or should u create a hybrid? For that u gotta consider certain things - like are u going for a pvp build or pve... etc. And that ultimately affects the gear u would wanna farm for. I mean, u dun wanna spend hours obtaining something that u won't exactly use eventually, rite (unless u are someone who has the luxury of not working lah then u've got all the time in the world... u can do that just for the sake of doing it)? On RO, I did manage to test the various builds to find something that I enjoy most (note: not the best build, but one that I enjoy most... geddit?) coz itz a private server and stats/skill resets are like what, just 500k zeny? But on WoW... hmm itz gonna cost me 50g to respec eventually and that ain't a small amount loh!! I dun care what u lvl 70s say... I'm just lousy @ making gold alrite??

Certainly, gaming can totally f**k up ur day - if u meet undesirable players in game... the same way when u sway sway meet an asshole irl. Players are human. Things that apply irl, apply in game too. All that political shit in a guild, all that backstabbing... etc. The worst thing, if u ask me? Is ganking & corpse camping. Lolx. It used to annoy the hell outta me before, but now am starting to just ignore it... coz itz just part of the game. I mean, well, I am on a pvp server afterall. But I still think Blizz should do something about it - ain't fun when all u wanna do is complete a quest and this asshole lvl ?? member of the other faction is killing u all the time. Especially if the graveyard is f**king far away!! Then there are the ninjas... the no-lifers... etc. and other annoying breeds.

But the main mood spoiler, is when u screw up. Doesn't matter if ur party member blames u or otherwise (am sure they are cursing while starring @ the monitor screen... but whether they're vocal about it is another thing altogether). Even if they shut up about it, u'll feel like crap. eg. u make a bad pull & the entire party gets wiped. Trust me, unless u redeem urself later... u'll feel like shit the entire day. Itz worse when they are being nice to u, and tell u that itz okay... etc. Bleahh maybe itz just the class I've chosen for Erulisse. At times it does feel as if there's certain pressure to "perform".

Blah blah... anyway to sum that all up, yes there is a certain amt of stress involved. Fine. Significant amount.

On the other hand, yes gaming does have certain elements that allow u to destress. Well... I'll take WoW as an example again. All those seasonal events. Itz somewhat like "mini games" - ain't important... but pretty fun. The recent one is Hallow's End. Lolx. yeah like last nite... after helping my bro with his quests @ Ashenvale, I just popped over to Stormwind & Goldshire. Went trick or treating with the Goldshire's inn keeper and ended up with a flimsy troll mask!! Hahah ate one of the pumpkins and became a skeleton for like 20 min. rofl... that was darn funny. The funniest thing? My bro got "tricked" and was changed into a stupid looking goblin. wahahahahaha ~ now yeah, that destresses. Plus there are certain things like fishing in the game and all. u can just 'take a day off' levelling... and just relax. Ain't to healthy to be obsessed about grinding / questing / farming all the time, if u ask me. Can go mad de.

Eaten by a cat??

Hmmm and as for learning things indivudally... thatz the reason y WoW has PVP. You wanna improve ur reaction, creativity... blah blah those stuff mentioned for Dota & FPS, go for PVP. Coz PVP isn't dependant on level & equipment alone (though of coz that will affect as well lah!). It depends on how fast u react to the other person's moves... and how well u can anticipate & counter... and how well u use ur skills. Then there are different strategies when facing different classes while using different classes too. Damn, tons of background if u come think about it. Alrite, I admit. I suck when it comes to PVP... but I intend to rectify that in time. Guess such things come with experience and alot of trial & error. Hmmm real life rules apply as well. You make a mistake, u learn frm it... lol the more u make, the more u learn I guess ^_^

Halloween costumes =D

PVP aside, there's alot of "learning" to be done to handle a certain class decently. Keyword: decently, not expertly - that needs so much more work & time. WoW is more than just a simple hack & slash game, Maple pretty much is (aka. stupid game), like most ppl - me inclusive - think. Yeah I used to think WoW is just = kill monster, kio loot, form party, kill boss... yadda. It was only till I played that I realise wtf how come got so many things need to take note of? Gotta take note of aggro range lah, racial attributes lah... then knn 1st time in my life I find tanking so difficult. In RO all I do is just hit the monster & stare @ the screen, using a few skills now and then... most monsters will just hit me (the one that gets 1st strike) and leave the other party members alone. Then I realised on WoW itz f**king different. The monsters switch targets and itz up to the bloody tank to hold sufficient aggro to prevent the monsters on turning on say... the priest. Priests build up aggro just by healing, more dmg = higher aggro build up... bleah I really dun feel like elaborating lah coz I don't really understand it totally yet (n00bie me).

lol, now (for all critics out there who say gamers have no life) tell me gaming is easy and "just for kids" - if u seriously, honestly think that way... I really wonder what kinda games you've played. Even pac-man needs strategy =P

One thing Tyler didn't mention is - at the end of the day... it boils down to luck.

Note: I am not talking about facing off a lv 70 with a lvl 50 - that one, luck or no luck... the winner is obvious; and I'm not talking about the difference in gear here... am talking about just plain luck.

Take this scenario, a lvl 55 with decent gear vs a lvl 52 with decent gear, same class, same race. Assuming that they've done their planning, assuming that they're both equally experienced... so what now? Luck of coz!! Argue about it all u want, but Luck determines who wins. You lucky, u get critcal hits & u dodge/parry attacks. You sway... everything u kenna and ur dmg average nia. Ookie ~ like I just told Meishan, even a simple game like monopoly. You can have all the bloody strategy in ur mind (eg. which properties to buy... etc.) but itz all for naught if ur dice throw suck. Trust me. I'm the kinda sway person who, while playing Risk, have 5 soliders on a territory & loses the land to someone who has only 2 soldiers attacking me. Plan lah yah. End up, still lose coz of dice throw -.-"

kk i concur that games like chess is all about strategy. Fine. The rest? No way!!

Of coz I don't discount strategy & planning... but my point is, luck matters - and that is something no one can control no matter how much he/she tries. Yeah sure, u can have the odds in ur favor (with equipment & all) but nothing's certain. Even in soccer. The ball is round.

PS. This post has been backdated. Wrote it but nvr published it.

2007-10-19T10:00:00.000+08:00

Is it just me... or does reading emails filled with bad English irk everyone? Am not talking about casual emails between friends & I'm not talking about minor grammatical/spelling errors - those are fine. I use Singlish all the time while chatting, posting on forums, blogging... etc. so I ain't gonna slap myself in the face by practicing double standards. *grinx* What I'm talking about is, and this applies to MSN messages too, English that's so bad that u actually gotta pause for a little to try figure out wtf the other party is gonna say.

Example? Ookie. "work?" - alrite wth is that supposed to mean? Are u asking if I'm wrking rite now, at this exact instant or are u asking if I've got a job? Or even worse... "working now?" Usually I'll take it to mean "are you working right now (as in at this precise moment, are u in the office)" but when the question comes in the midst of the nite... say 2am... I'll be like huh? Yah lah ~ I know there are some folks who work the night shift... but thatz the minority loh. Shouldn't the norm be assuming that someone belongs to the majority instead of the minority? =X

Well... thinking about it again, maybe the problem ain't bad English. The problem is prolly ppl asking questions & not making themselves clear. Plus there's this really annoying breed of folks... u ask them a question, they'll totally ignore it (either their eyeballs happened to pop outta the sockets so they missed it or they are just being assholes) and ask u another question as a "response"... especially if u are trying to plan ur schedule and want an answer to a question as simple as "what time meet?" (yes Singlish, I know). Itz just worse when itz via SMS. I only have like what… 300 free SMSes per mth? Trust me, I always exceed that number… and having to ask my question a 2nd time is just a waste of 5 cents. Granted that 5 cents isn't exactly that significant... but trust me, that amount snowballs. Plus!! You know how annoying to respond to SMS when I'm in an instance? Do us both a favour lah! Get to the fucking point so we won't have to trade that many messages. Gahhh ~ usually I'll lose my patience & just call the person instead. Duh. Unecessary energy expended.

Tsk tsk I can go on forever about the things that annoy me - am I that irritatable a person? lolx. I dunno manx. I just think itz a waste of precious seconds when ppl drag a conversation way longer than itz supposed to take. Those seconds can be spent on something more enjoyable actually. Anyway, back to the main issue - bad English. What I was referring to, before I went off-topic, is reading emails peppered with crap. And I'm talking about "formal emails", mind you. Emails that u send on behalf of ur company to another company.

Just take a look @ this (am self-censoring certain parts coz am not sure if such stuff are meant to be confidential - anyway ignore the fucking content... itz none of ur business - look @ how the sentances are phrased instead)...

Today, we just finished meeting with Mr. xxx, we already decided the following:

1. PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED THE MORTGAGE AGREEMENT.
2. Just proceed the Loan Agreement.
- [section removed] -
7. Interest have to pay every month.
8. Loan will be pay back time to time
- [section removed] -
10. This agreement must be completed signature by both parties before xx/xx/2007.

- [and the final line goes... ] -

Please revert to me asap.

*yawn* 1st email I opened this day manx… and I read this kinda shite. Seriously TGIF. Am intending to spend at least an hr or 2 studying my Jap this weekend, on top of checking out the Wickerman thingy in WoW - woohoo Hallow's End hath just begun (did some seasonal quests last nite... will post the screenie & talk about it another time)!! With luck, and with little sleep, hopefully I'll be able to do enough PVP to get the items I require … and with like another SM run (with luck I’ll find folks to join me for RFD instead) + questing @ Desolace, I’ll ding till 40 & get my mount. Ahhhh ~ can’t wait to get my striped nightstalker!! All that grinding for Darnassus rep is finally gonna pay off!! Ehhh now that I listed them out… nah beh!! Shitload of stuff to do loh ~ maybe by this weekend isn’t too possible… a more comfortable personal deadline will be next weekend instead. Not forgetting I wanna run an instance or 2 on my Horde too.

Target for Erulizze this weekend: lvl 26 + 1 SFK run.
Target for Erulisse: 40 + 1 SM/RFD run.
Target for ShaDy: 2hrs of Japanese + a movie/1 ST ep.

Jeez... who the fuck actually plans till liddat siah?

2007-10-18T00:01:00.000+08:00

Queen of the Forsaken... Banshee Queen... Dark Lady. Some of the names used to refer to Sylvanas Windrunner. I was nvr really bothered about the Warcraft storyline till I turned in that necklace quest (I don't even remember the name of it) in Undercity. The Lady conjured up some banshees & the stong began. Yeah it was the one on the YouTube video that I embedded in my previous post. My bro says it was simply a waste of time... but there's something about that song thatz... idk. I liked it immensely & it kinda reached out to something in me. Heck ~ I don't even understand the lyrics of that thingy. It sounded sad... yet really soothing @ the same time. It gives the impression that beyond a frozen & tough exterior, something gentle from the past still remains. Note that prior to this, I didn't even know the story of Lady Sylvanas. *shrugx* It was only after that I got curious and did "background" checks on her.

About the song...

The exact origins of "Lament of the Highborne" have been lost to antiquity. Certainly the melody pre-dates the War of the Ancients, in which the song served as a lament for the fallen: a tribute to their steadfast bravery against overwhelming odds. Millennia later, the high elves of Quel'Thalas sang the lament, largely unaltered, in the Troll Wars. Here, too, the elves ultimately proved victorious, but they would not remain so. A plague of undeath swept through the human nation of Lordaeron in the Third War and converted many citizens into mindless undead minions of the Lich King. This army--the Scourge--invaded elven lands and decimated the populace, some of whom were raised into undeath and forced to join the Scourge.

As leader of the last elven defenders, Sylvanas Windrunner suffered a terrible fate: her spirit was ripped from her body and transformed into a banshee. When the Lich King's power faltered, however, she and other undead were freed of Scourge control. She has since reclaimed her body and become queen of these undead rebels, the Forsaken. Although her heart is full of bitterness, she cannot forget the people she once loved... the kingdom she gave her life to defend.

- World of Warcraft Official Webby

Itz kinda amazing how a song manages to convey emotions to the listener (of coz this ain't the only song that touched me thru' my Life - but the rest is just other stories altogether). Apparently I wasn't the only one affected by that. Midway thru' the song, a blood elf happened to walk into the "room". He too sat down & watched the entire "performance"... afterwhich he told me that he likes it a great deal and he always tries to catch it whenever he could. Perhaps thatz what I should try attempt to do now and then too, when I happen to be in Undercity.

Anyway, the history of Sylvanas is tangled with the origins of the Blood Elves (Note: I dun exactly like the way blood elves look - the girls look slutty & the guys look gay) and now am totally intersted to know more about Azeroth and the other races on the overall ~ especially the Forsaken & the Draenei.

More "research" to be done in the future it seems... I've always liked a good fantasy story, speaking of which, am currently trapped in Raymond E. Feist's world of Midkemia too ^^. And thinking further... damn I gotta get my paws on the nxt Dragonlance novel - itz out in the US by now but the last time a friend checked, like last mth or so, it hasn't reached Borders yet. *mumbles* I'm such a geek.

... and thatz a good thing.

2007-10-17T10:02:00.000+08:00

* groan* Whatz with the weather these days... raining in the evenings when I get outta the office ~ making it a pain in the ass going anywhere after that. Got 3/4 soaked last nite, heading to BBDC for my 2A theory lesson & ended up freezing in the air-conditioned classroom for 1.5hrs or so... then itz another freezing trip back home. Bleah I just hope it doesn't rain tonite. Got tuition to go to. Itz just another couple of weeks that I gotta hang on... after the kid's final exam, am just gonna stop teaching for good. Wastes too much travelling time going all the way dwn to Bt. Panjang for that. Have alredi dropped the one @ Jurong W. Hmm... that'll leave all my evenings free ^-^ I'd like to say "more time for studying for my JLPT" or "more time to do some constructive stuff" but chances are... I'll be spending all that time on WoW (or some other game when I eventually tire of it). I just know though, that my parents will start hounding me to take up some course or whatever ~ thing is, am not gonna do that unless itz muay Thai!! Leaves me more options to schedule my 2A lessons though.

Wonder how long I'll take to pass that one. Yah lah ~ I only passed by 2B on my 6th try. Kinda sucky I know... but I guess, there are worse out there XD Gotta watch my demerits this time. "Died" due to too many points all the way and when I did pass, I passed with what... 18 pts? Lolx. Hmm there are 3 practicals that I gotta go thru', wonder what bike I'll be using & whether I'll be able to handle it well enough. Am taking it with a friend, and I daresay he'll pass so much more quickly than I do. But guess the main issue here is that I don't give up. No matter how long it takes, I'll make sure I get that license... then I'll start on my Class 3 again. Thatz one license thatz gonna be more practical I suppose. Am not sure if I gonna get a Class 2A (though am super tempted by the PGM4) bike eventually, but ah well *shrugx*

Bleah. Itz a shame that I gave up my Class 3 halfway. All that $ down the drain -.-" I gotta go thru' all those theory tests again if I gonna take it... think the advanced one expires pretty soon. *sigh* Shouldn't have started it in the 1st place back then, if I knew I wasn't gonna go thru' with it. Well... now that I'm no longer with that jerkoff, I'd be able to afford the lessons for sure. I just hope I don't get too lazy. All this procrastination is gonna spell my destruction someday - am doing that even at work. Wonder if the boss is gonna boot me outta here once my probation is over. Gahhh, itz gonna be demoralising, but itz not as if I 100% enjoy wrking here or that I'm being paid good money. Hmm but I should count my blessings. At least I have a job... and at least I can use MSN in the office. Can't have the best of everything I reckon.

Thing is... doubt I'm gonna make it to Canada end of this year like I hoped to. Boss was saying that she has 2nd thoughts about the block leave (coz her own Japan trip failed to work out) & said she'll get back to us about that. Think by the time she gets back to us, it'll be way too f**king late to get a plane ticket... bleah even now, think itz alredi too late. Shame. Was kinda hoping to spend Christmas elsewhere this year... but since it ain't possible, chances are I'll spend it in Azeroth instead. Yah lah ~ sounds kinda pathetic, considering that most folks will be out having parties somewhere... but trust me, cover charge for X'Mas or New Year at most clubs, not worth paying for - and the crowds u'll face... *shakes head*

Hmmm... anyhow, just a short video. Enjoy ^^

2007-10-14T04:35:00.000+08:00

Itz past 4am. Am kinda woozed... think I'll drift off to sleep w/o much problems - that is if I allow myself to close my eyes. Eyelids are kinda heavy rite now... and yeah I wonder y am I not asleep. Hmm... just came home from The Arena @ Clarke Quay. Pretty nice place I should say. Hip Hop + R&B with a live band who is pretty entertaining. *grinx* I know, I can get used to this kinda lifestyle I suppose... getting pumped with alcohol now and then. Itz just a shame that there wasn't much of a dance floor & that the folks I went with are more content to sit down and simply chill out. Dun get me wrong, ain't saying that they're bad company... lolx they are great in fact, and yeah as age catches up, I suppose I no longer have the stamina to last the entire nite on the floor. The last time I did that was when Dave was in Singapore & we went to Zouk. Gahh ~ I so physically paid for that the nxt day when I ache all over. rofl. Everyone gets old. Thatz a shame.

Anyway... the crowd there was decent. Not to young - thankfully. Highlight of the nite? This bitch who's wearing a one-piece so short that whenever she moves a little, everyone can get an eyeful of her cyan-colored underwear. Zzz. I wonder if she knows wtf she's doing. yeah yeah u can call me a prig... but I've been brought up right, and I've always believed that girls should learn to "treasure themselves" and not behave so loosely. Granted that females are in bikinis @ the beach and thatz exposing more than that... but pls, there's a time & place for everything. Acting like a slut is such a no no. *shrugx* I know, ain't really my position to comment... but the sight of that really irked my eye - not to mention the guys @ my table were all grinning and whispering away. lolx ~ right... that whore ain't even pretty. lox.

Before that, caught "The Brave One" @ GV Max, Vivo City. Good move, worth a watch on a weekday I should say.

Went to SM Cathedral this noon... and it was hilarious. Me & sotong... started searching for a group using LFM and guess what? All we could find were warriors. rofl. Sent them a pm and they agreed, so added them to the party... and finally managed to get a healer. The lineup - 4 warriors + 1 paladin. Hahaha ~ itz the 1st time I got myself into a group as such. Usually itz like a mixture... there'll be mages, warlocks, rogues... etc. Itz just such a coincidence that everyone who wants to run it @ that hour is a warrior. Who was tanking? Lol... is there a need to? Anyway was pretty skeptical at a start... but the run turned out betta than I expected - much much betta I shall say. Cleared the instance within the hour. haha ~ morale of the story? Who needs other classes manx :P

I know I know, I shouldn't talk about gaming that much. Then again... itz my blog so I guess I can pretty much type whatever I wanna type (screw the f**king concept that there shouldn't be any racist comments - I'll make that whenever I feel like making them... and heyz if u dun like it, no one is stopping u frm getting the f**k outta here - if u get what I mean).

Well... this ain't a racist post btw. Just felt in the "typing mood" and amazingly, I seem to type faster & more accurately when I'm drunk... hic! Betta get some shut eye b4 I collapse at the keyboard. Ain't the 1st time anyway ~ ah well. Whatever.

2007-10-11T16:01:00.000+08:00

This song has been running thru' my head since yesterday afternoon... and yeah I suppose some folks might recognise it as my previous ringtone (recently changed to "Basket Case" - Greenday instead). Well ~ can't say that the lead singer is that gorgeous, though not bad looking on the other hand... and I've no idea what the lyrics mean. Itz just the entire song put together sounds good to me. Hmm... ookie this time this is just a random post w/o any hidden meaning. Am so f**king tired in the office that I'm on the verge of nodding off - which I definitely will if I allow my eyelids to remain close for more than 10 seconds. I know, there's still wrk to do but the more I look @ those files, the more tempting it is to simply rest my head on the table & fade away. So yeah... I guess blogging kinda keeps me a wake a little.

*yawn* Not that I slept that late last nite... close to 1am, pretty decent if u'd ask me. Guess am feeling the effect of Tues nite instead - WoW had their scheduled maintenance so I simply went to sleep after dinner & a little dilly-dallying. That was slightly past 9:30pm. Didn't obtain much rest though, considering that I kept waking up. The initial plan was to meet a friend in game for Wailing Caverns ~ she's supposed to call me to get me up when the server is back on so guess somehow my brain didn't calm down enuff to really slumber. Anyway the phone call nvr came & I simply woke up at at 2am, logged on... and bummed ard for a little. Thought to try my luck looking for a party using LFG (coz my friend was in BFD then... and I didn't really wanna wait till she finished her run due to the late hour). No luck for quite sometime, kept getting 1 member or 2 that d/ced soon and just when I was telling DP I'm gonna just get some shut-eye, group filled up and off to WC I went. So anyway ~ yeah... blah blah blah... ended up finally going back to "sleep" at 7am. Woke up at 8:30am and itz off to wrk.

Itz funny though, should be feeling like the dead yesterday... instead of rite now.

WoW is toxic. Really. Think I should just cool it for a little & not try so hard to keep up with my rl friends who are playing. Gotta keep in mind that 1. I need to wrk 5 days a week, at least 9hrs per day; 2. I have another 2 toons on Barthilas that I don't intend to give up upon; and 3. I have other hobbies aside WoWing. Itz plain madness should I pressure myself to meet the "deadlines" set for instancing. The 1st few lvls are pretty okay... managed to reach the requirement for RFC & WC, but as I get higher up, itz gonna be close to impossible (unless I sacrifice everything else). Hmmm ~ next target should be SFK, though RFK was mentioned. RFK is f**king impossible for me by this weekend lah. I only took my warrior there at what... lvl 33? Oh... my rogue is lvl 21 now. How the fuck am I supposed to gain 12 lvls by tomorrow evening? Tsk tsk. Guess I'll just have to settle for joining random groups when I attain the "correct level" [lol though I did go to SFK last nite with my lvl 16 rogue on Barthilas].

Anyway ~ bleah enuff about WoW. Online tok to friends, tok about WoW. At home tok to bro, tok about WoW. Go out meet friends, tok about WoW. Even toking to DP, tok about WoW (manx can't resist that cute Draenei butt of Rosa's & that little wiggling tail). At work feel restless, check thottbot about WoW. Wah piang ~ this is taking over my life -.-"

Lyrics for the above song...

从来不相信我的世界可以有多完美
痛苦寂寞还有一些疲惫
不允许他人随意进入我的零度空间
宁愿孤独懒的再去想谁

俩个人一起是否只是得到一种安慰
挣脱过去然后忘记一切
没想过有天我的结局忽然全部改变
谁会抓住我的无力双臂
怎么会哭 (谁错谁对为谁抱歉)
不会再哭 (谁错谁对为谁憔悴)

走入零度空间等到一切分裂
就算爱的危险我们一起面对
来不及的防备没听过的誓言
要我怎么学会多了爱的明天

走出零度空间终于一切分裂
就算爱的很累我却不会后悔
放下所有防备一切都无所谓
逃出黑暗世界开始新的明天

新的明天

新的世界

2007-10-03T17:45:00.000+08:00

Pffftttt... am starting to get increasingly frustrated @ wrk as the days go by. Itz been almost 2 mths now, and I daresay I haven't really picked up anything (except their acronyms) as yet. Specific instructions not given. All that's told to me is "take a precedent". Oh ~ and there's no suggestion on which goddamn precedent to use. So what must I do? Fumble thru' the mountain of files & check thru' everything that seems simillar to see if itz simillar? Then nvm. This urgent, that urgent... this want by today, that one can wait - nxt day, why never do that one? Starting to get a little unbearable lah the nagging. I simply tak boleh tahan when ppl nag... be it a mom, bf or friend... much less boss. Sheesh. yah lah, she's like my parents' age but still... just tell me exactly what u fucking want lah - instead of rambling on and on and on and on. The longer she rambles, the more I start to drift off... and when that happens, I'll probably miss out/forget the instructions given in the middle of all those useless words. *sigh* I really dunno how much longer I can tolerate.

The only consolation? Itz much better here than @ the stupid Spring Language School. At least, over here, I don't struggle with my morals everytime a client walks in. Oh, and not to mention, I don't have to read & speak Chinese all the fucking time and translate documents. Gahh itz been so long since I left that godforsaken place but I still get that irritation when I hear someone speaking in the China-accent on the streets just coz it fucking reminds me of that shit-ass place. yah lah ~ slam me. I'm racist.

Ah well ~ anyway am looking forward to the end of this school year. I'll probably quit tuition totally by then. It's just not really worth it, now that I've moved back to Bugis area. Travelling down eats up too much time + petrol costs. Yeah I know, the extra cash is good (extra $ always is - even if itz just a hundred or so) but I gotta really consider if I wanna exhaust myself that way. A full-time job is alredi taking up much of my energy. I should really just take it easy in the evenings, sit back relax... watch an anime or drama, spend all my time on WoW or meet up with friends for dinner now and then, instead of rushing over to one of the ends of the island. Not to mention, tuition really disrupts my dinner time. Yah... I don't get off wrk early enuff to actually sit down and have a nice dinner @ home. I've gotta like break my dinner into 2 parts - once b4 I leave then once when I come home. Zzz. *shrugx* I dun care that ultimately all this boils down to me being lazy. I'm alredi wrking more than 8hrs a day. I think I do fucking deserve to be lazy after office hrs & I dun give a fuck what u think about that.

*nod nod* There have been ppl who tell me that I should spend my time more constructively. But I suppose "constructive" is a subjective term. I see spending time doing whatever I like to please myself as "constructive" enough. Going for self-enrichment classes, reading self-improvement books... well that just seems dumb to me. Unless u really do enjoy doing such shit. Then ookie lah ~ thatz "constructive" to u. My point? Well... my point is ~ at the end of the day, the best thing to do is nothing.

Damn. Tuition again later. How I wish I could just go home and WoW.

Friends are talking about starting a Horde character on another server. Server's alredi been selected: Dragonmaw & I've alredi created my Undead rogue there. Tauren warrior & Troll shaman are also done /gg Doesn't mean I'm gonna dump my Draenei though - spent too many hours on her to give her up that easily... and not to mention, have made a few nice acquaintances in game ^-^ Yeah thatz the appeal of mmorpgs like I've stated b4. Sometimes, nothing matters except spending some time with the friends u meet online. Folks may argue that itz just virtual friendship & it ain't worth the time spent... *shrugx* once again a matter of perception. All I can say is ~ without my TM guildies on Ebil a couple of mths back... I wouldn't have gotten thru' a frustrating period of time that easily. Yeah I am saying that those "virtual friendships" are more real than "real friends" who don't even listen.

Everything is just subjective ehx?

2007-09-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

If a fight is what you want, fine... I shall grant you this. A War is what you'll get. Muthafucker. What part of "fuck off" do you NOT fucking understand? Calling me just when I was tucking into dinner & watching the final ep of Devil May Cry after a confusing day at work - that totally just ruins my entire mood to do anything!! To think I was actually intending to study a little more Jap after dinner b4 logging onto WoW. Rite now, am so filled with rage that I can barely eat... much less fucking study later on!! Seriously I must have owed that bastard something in my previous life or what siahx ~ he never fails to fuck up my plans.

So whatz so frigging urgent that he has to call in the midst of dinner? Oh. A missing air-con controller thatz probably stuffed somewhere in one of those cartons lying on the floor rite now. And he expects me to find it now? Gotta be shitting me lah. Just coz he has no fucking Life, and has no fucking hobbies (with exception of perhaps going for dirty massages or hanging out with his equally fucked up "brothers") doesn't mean that I have betta nothing to do than look for a fucking controller!! As for whatever thatz left in the house @ Jelapang, he can throw it away for all I care. Oh... and now he says he needs the controller coz the tenants are moving in on 1st Oct. Oh yeah, tenants.

Tenants o.O??

Hmm... wait a minute! I don't remember ever agreeing to having someone move in on paper!! Oh yeah, I did give a verbal response when he 1st asked & said that I'm fine with it as long as the terms & conditions are fine, but nothing's for certain until itz in black & white. Asked if there's a contract of rental or something... he said, there is & itz with him... and itz not necessary for me to sign it. Ooohhh I happen to understand that I'm still contributing to the flat via CPF mthly which makes me the co-owner and I do have the right to know who the fuck he's renting the place to... at what price & how is the mode of payment gonna be. Claims that he'll show the agreement to my dad on Thurs but whatever it is... if nth's done w/o my consent, he can go fuck himself. I'm gonna just block the entire thing & see what he fuck is he gonna do. Think that just being male makes u the "lord of the house"? Hah!

*shrugx* Am actually a very mild mannered person. But just coz I'm that way doesn't mean I'd allow someone to climb all over my head & trample there. 2 years of riding the emotional roller coaster & putting up with all the bullshit he dished out is more than sufficient.

Test my patience and u shall see.

2007-09-24T10:11:00.000+08:00

Itz Monday. Again.

What the hell? Where did the weekend disappear to siahx? Lolx. Time just seems to pass by so quickly when I ain't doing anything of significance!! *shrugx* Not that I care about it greatly though ~ anyway, itz yet another sleepy Monday. Am kinda pleased to mention though - that this time, it ain't WoW that made me feel so darn sleepy. Was half-watching Man Utd kick Chelsea's ass last nite & doing some revision @ the same time. Yeah. I finally found the "kick" to study. Hopefully this motivation will continue for sometime, especially since the date of the JLPT is drawing near - 2nd Decemeber 2007. JCS examations will just be like 2 weeks before that. Though I don't have much hope of clearing JLPT, am gonna make darn sure that I'll pass at the least the JCS in-house paper. Would prefer advancing to the nxt level in 2008 to repeating the year all over again.

My greatest sin - procrastination. Doh. Been a mth since I played WoW and till date, have yet to post any screenies. Well... in the 1st place, itz damn hard to take a decent screenie for this game. Itz just different frm say, RO, R.O.S.E Online or even Fairyland. Anyway I did manage to take a couple (there was supposed to be a close-up as well but I accidentally deleted it and Blogger saved the draft automatically, hence itz gone - damn it)... so here goes ^-^

Erulisse & Neewollah (+ minion) - exploring Gnomeregan

Just why do I like taking & posting screenshots, you'd ask. Well... itz for the same damn reason y ppl take photographs of themselves & friends. So what reason is that exactly? Fuck if I really know, though I can guess. Photographs are the only way to "stop Time". Yeah ~ ever wished that a certain moment could just stay forever? Time passes. So that will never happen. But take a photograph, and that instant is just captured for eternity. And someday, when all this is nothing but a sweet memory, I'll actually look back at those jpegs & smile to myself... the same way ppl do when they look at an old photo album.

Enjoying the rain in Auberdine - the night sky sure is pretty

Maybe u can say itz pathetic, that all I'm posting are screenshots & not photographs of myself irl. Yeah it does seem that nothing worth remembering actually happens to be outside games... But one thing ppl tend to forget, or rather, fail to understand that - though itz just a game (like others that I've played), it IS real life. The places, the actions... they may all be merely virtual, nothing more than binary codes & pixels... but real time is spent, real effort is taken and real emotions are experienced. Lol. Now this is starting to sound all so defensive - itz as if I'm trying to convince myself that I'm more than just a no-lifer geek addicted to the computer. Ah well, watever lah ~ for those who don't understand, well... all I can say that itz a shame that we don't see eye to eye (the same way I could never understand why ppl can actually spend hours sitting around nursing a cup of coffee @ a kopitiam).

*sigh* Anyway, am not feeling too happy today. Yeah yeah, whatz new. Am filled to the brim with negativity anyway. Damnit. Itz just so hard to actually be positive when there are certain issues nagging @ the back of the brain. Itz annoying that till now, I've yet to settle my flight to Canada & am starting to worry that if I don't get my lazy ass moving soon, I'll miss the chance altogether. Gah! Of coz I could always go another time - no biggie... thing is the arrangement of the public holidays at the end of this year seems pretty good... and I need a change of environment lah. Don't ask me why. I just fucking do (itz something that not even exploring a new area on WoW can fix).

Anyway, main issue thatz pricking my brain rite now: the flat @ Jelapang. Based on a prior conversation with that asshole, itz made known to me that someone is interested in renting the flat and will be moving in around 20-something this mth. Itz alredi the 24th today. I hear nth from Ben's side. Correct me if I'm wrong... but shouldn't there be something substantial, like a contract or what, to confirm the rental? Plus rightfully, tenants are supposed to place a 2-mth deposit or something. I did SMS Ben sometime last week - no response. Call went unanswered. Last nite I just got so irritated that I asked my dad to call. No pick up. But oh... somehow he's too busy to answer the phone but free enuff to respond to his SMS. They fixed a date to meet-up to discuss matters & what pissed me off is Ben wants my dad to turn up alone. HELLO!! I'm the co-owner of the flat alrite!! Think he's probably just worried that I'll call his bluff & challenge the lies he probably has made up alredi.

See what happens when you make the wrong move in Life? All this nonsense. I just can't wait for this entire thing to be officially over so I can fucking move-on w/o further care (yes, he can decompose and I won't even bat an eyelid). Phooey. I've alredi been trying to take this easy all this while. Yeah sure, I can allow myself to go all depressed and even more negative than I alredi am (hard to believe but yeah I can be worse) but I ain't gonna do that. Trying manx. TRYING. Know that? I may have become soft afterall this years but I think I still have it in me to grab his head & smash it onto a kerb or something till it becomes nth more than a bloody mess. Gah!!

2007-09-14T11:51:00.000+08:00

Bleah... after a really looooong time, I finally returned to Phuture again. Mind you, I haven't exactly been back there ever since the place was renovated; and on the overall, I never really clubbed after I left Secret Recipe [I did go to random places now & then but I never "went all out"... if u get what I mean] - which was like what, in year 2004? Back then it was Mambo/Phuture almost every Wed... and I'll certainly request for an off (or a really late start, say 6pm) on Thurs. Those were the times *shrugx*

Anyway, rambling aside, I went back on Wed. Yeah ~ the last time I went to Zouk (which was earlier last year?), I didn't step into Phuture at all so that was the 1st time I saw the changes that had been done during the renovation. The position of the tables & dance floor were slightly different... and yeah the floor seems slightly bigger now. But that doesn't mean the place is any less crowded though! The atmosphere is still the same - same kinda R&B, same kinda crowd... and even the long island tea tastes the same as ever. The same 1-for-1 thingy. It still takes forever to squeeze thru' the crowd & there are still the usual queues for the cubicles. There are still the typical bunches of all-girls who obviously become targets to the same 'ol chee hong patterned guys as the nite progresses. The typical folks who pass out after drinking too much... etc. What a friend mentioned when we went out for a smoke break pretty much summarizes everything - "Zouk doesn't change in 10 years" (translated from Mandarin). Zouk is still Zouk. Retro, tertiary students + synchronized dancing. Wonder if the DJ ever edits his playlist -.-"

Note: I've always felt that despite it looking pretty nice with everyone doing the same movements, synchronized dancing is rather stupid... and it seems that most of the ppl who do it can't really dance. Itz like... just hand movements for gawd's sake! Can't someone just really... well... u know, dance on the platform instead?

Ah well, btw, the reason I went is coz I wanted to bring David there b4 he goes back to his country this Sat. Apparently he kinda liked it, and so did Chris & Brian who went along... and yeah the plan is, we are going back there tonite. This should be the last time for quite a while, coz no one else I knows actually clubs anymore (which is not really that bad a thing - I don't need to club to "have a life"). Darn, am gonna miss him when he returns home... he's been pretty fun to hang out with. Hmm anyhow... considering that itz a Fri, and if things are still the same as before, I reckon we'll be spending all our time in Phuture. If I don't remember wrongly, Zouk's music ain't appealing on Fridays. Then again, bleah... idk. Ultimately it all boils down to the company I suppose. Am just gonna sit back & relax today though. Am aching all over since I woke up yesterday. Which is a sign that I need to exercise more. Pffftttttt.

Work is still as confusing as ever. Oh, was on medical leave for the past 2 days and returned to find myself completely lost again. Lolx. It was hard to resist the temptation of taking MC for today as well. Yah lah ~ someone should just give me a sharp slap to the side of my head for being so freaking lazy. 2 spates of MCs in 2 mths. Now how does that sound? Not too good huh? That was the only reason why I dragged myself here today. So how did I spend the time at home? I was online, on WoW.

WoW is Evil.

It takes up way too much of my time, really. The effect it has on me is just as bad as The Sims 2. When I play it... I dun even know how much time actually goes by - and I dun even know how all that time was spent... considering that @ times I'm not really "doing anything" in game. Bleah, RO wasn't half as bad for me. At least for RO, I do take a break now & then to watch anime while having my meals. Now? I just shove food into my mouth in between battles. Am missing my weekly anime fix (though I somehow managed to squeeze the Bleach movie in between). Gah, can finally understand what David means when he says he ain't gonna play again coz it takes up too much of his Life... but hmm... am not giving up trying to influence him into starting again - this time rolling a charc on the server I'm playing on /gg Even my bro is now riveted by it, and he'll be switching to a paid account once his 10 day trial expires.

Sheesh, that'll just deprive me of even more sleep coz I gotta help him with his toon. Guess I'll just quest with him using my rogue till he's of good level to join my warrior... then I'll pause the rogue for a while till I reach lvl 70 for the main. Gahhh if he wasn't playing, I would have gone to sleep by midnite yesterday - started Gnomeregan early hence it ended early... but as he couldn't do the quest alone, I ended up lying down at 2am. Couldn't wake up in good time, and had to skip breakfast. Damnit. My mum actually prepared mee tai mak! I would have loved to eat that. *grumbles* Maybe I'll just have to arrange with her to see if I can "da bao" the food to eat in the office. Am fine with skipping breakfast... but well, I'd prefer to eat if the food is good. I can't afford to lose any more wt. At the very least I still retain much of my (tiny) social life - am still meeting friends for dinner, movies now and then... so guess it ain't that bad afterall? Itz just the other hobbies that are taking a backseat. =X

11:50am. omfg. Another 1hr 10min to lunch. *yawn* Yeah I should just go for a puff and then actually start working on something. Damn. Wish I was home & questing in Ashenvale rite now instead.

2007-09-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

"Have you ever wondered why people tend to be so cheerful and simple when you meet them, but whenever they're online or msging, they tend to be more emo, pessimestic, just like a different person. An example will be people's MSN nick. They tend to think that the whole world are against them, they wanna sucide and all the stupid stuff. I bet you can see at least one right on your MSN window now. Are they not as simple as they look because they think deeply or they think it's cool to follow such a tread that emo phrases on sms nicks?"

Happened to come across the above post while doing some forum surfing during work hours [ya ya I know – what I should really be doing is working my ass off & trying to learn as much as I can but am just too lazy aight] and hmm… my 1st reaction was: everyone has a “split personality” to a certain extent. 2nd reaction is - the ts is too immature to recognise it & is probably struggling with his/her own emotions. Note that when I mention “split personality” (which is the thread topic btw), I ain’t referring to those really hardcore ones as in speaking in difference voices, having a totally different persona and all. What I believe the ts is referring to is the “other side” of a person – the side that people tend to keep private & hardly surfaces.

Itz like… well, do u frankly know anyone whom u can say for sure doesn’t have a "darker side" to themselves - be a a bad temper or insecurity?

I’m guilty of that too as charged – posting self-destructive nicks about the end of the world, about not being able to break free (am worse in my blog actually)… yadda yadda… and yeah I do admit that it might get a little exasperating to people who read it… coz I know some folks whose nicks are forever that way and it irks the hell outta me @ times, but hey, I’d rather do that... and annoy others in the process, than keep that part of me suppressed. In fact I’ve gone as far as to recognize the 2 different “personalities” that when together, form Me. From my pov, regular people are faced with dilemma day in and out. One classic example will be the brain vs heart struggle that I’ve blogged about before.

Anyway I do read the blogs of others too… and I tend to avoid those “cheery” ones. Not coz they make me feel that my Life sucks big time in comparison… more like becoz they don’t seem real enough. I mean… who the fuck has ‘good things’ happening to them day in and out… feeling happy every single day w/o any trouble or care in the world? Hmm… well, the innocent (or naïve) maybe but just point out to me someone you know for sure who doesn’t have a single worry @ all – I’ll go get some tips from them siah. Who doesn’t like to be free of nagging thoughts? Who likes to feel as if the world is against them & who likes contemplating of suicide? Besides, since when is it cool to have such negative nicks on MSN? Am alredi trying to ‘cut down’ on the frequency of my own… but difficult lah. I am human too, and I have my own share of worries to think about.

That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate what I have now. I might be on the verge of falling asleep on my desk; there’s tuition later tonite which means I won’t get home till like 10+; my room is in a total mess with a lot of unpacking & rearranging to be done; I’ve got no time to watch the stuff I wanna watch… much less level up my warrior on WoW; I have yet to fix Harusame’s seat & cancel my GIRO season parking @ Jelapang… etc. but I’ve got a job – am able to keep myself alive (though thare are plenty of things I wanna get but can’t afford it) and I’ve got something to look forward to now and then, which makes Time pass slightly more easily. If I were to rate my Life rite now on a scale of 10, I would probably give it a 7… coz I’ve been worse. At the very least, right now, my 2 main personalities aren’t in conflict with each other – I’ll attribute that to not being in any r/s at this point of time [though I gotta admit that there is someone who is constantly on my mind].

*sigh* But I still do wish I have someone though.

See? Conflict again. Bleah… the world is not done in black & white lah. Everything comes with pros & cons. The only thing that differs is a person’s ability to ignore the negatives for the positives. If u can do that, good for u… remain in denial if it makes u happy… but pls pls pls enough of those cheery cheery nicks alredi. I know u in love and all, but I’m not and haha I’m prone to envy alrite? And oh… enough of those suicidal nicks too… am so tired looking @ those over and over again. Hahaha what the fuck am I saying siahx? No nick lah. Best!

Ignore me. Am sleepy rite now.

2007-09-10T11:59:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I remember I had an entry once, about something I read - that your Life is like a bus, with you being the bus driver, taking a journey from one terminus to another. Passengers on ur bus will be the people whom you meet in ur life. Well ~ I ain't gonna repeat that all over again [+ I can't be bothered to go search for the post so am not gonna like link it]... but suddenly that "theory" resurfaced into my mind. Just one of the random thoughts I seem to have so often.

In brief, during ur journey there'll be passengers who will board the bus - some will be there only for 1 stop or 2... they'll board & alight so quickly that u don't really notice them at all. Some will stay on for slightly longer though u don't really give a damn about... and there are others who u'll build up a relationship with (aka ur friends). Those who have been with u since the start of the journey will be ur parents... etc. The only thing for sure is, after the journey is done, u'll be driving the empty bus alone back into the parking lot with nothing but memories of the trip. Well ~ you get the point.

Anyway, my dilemna ~ I'm starting to feel something for a fellow bus driver. Lolx, I dunno how to really describe it... but, well, he didn't board my bus, neither did I board his. We aren't even driving along the same route. Guess we got to know each other thru' the "ntercom" (driversnet.com hahaha) and somehow, he's become an important part of my life. No kidding. He's the one whom I wanna see on MSN when I logon, and he's the one I always smile while I'm chatting with him. *sigh* Itz been awhile alredi, this feeling... and am pretty confused as to what it is. The thing is, we are following 2 totally different routes. The routes are scheduled to intersect sometime in the future... but it'll just be for a really short distance. Whether anything will take place during that point of time, am not too sure. I recently got a headset + mic, and heard his voice for the 1st time last week. It was an awkward conversation though - with both of us at a loss of words & our accents making it so difficult to understand each other when we actually do speak, but yeah... was kinda glad that I finally got to hear how he sounds after so many years.

*shrugx*

And if Fate wasn't cruel enough, She had to throw another curveball my way... bringing a passenger on board my bus. Someone whom I've enjoyed hanging out with... someone who is gonna alight too soon. Hmm... one thing for certain though, for this one, there's just "interest"... thatz all. Went out with him to watch 1408 @ VivoCity last nite, and I should be meeting him again this Wed. Bleah ~ but Wed should be the last time I suppose, since he's leaving on Sat. Itz a shame though... coz he seems like someone whom I can really get along with, and will probably be included in my "buddy list" should the situation be different. Hell... I even found out yesterday that he shares the same birthday as me... only that he was born 6 years later.

Yah I know what u gonna ask - what the fuck is with me & younger guys huh? Idk. And trust me, I dun really like that either. It just seems that guys my age or slightly older... well, they are either alredi attached or folks that I'm totally uninterested in. Plus I don't really get the chance to meet many new people now.

Bah! Enough of all that. Got more things to worry about - the main one being... how the fuck am I supposed to shift everything into my room? Manx ~ I was astonished as to how much stuff I had to actually bring home frm Bt. Panjang on Sat. Can u imagine it? ellone was driving a lorry/van and we actually had to make 2 trips to carry everything? Oh... and thatz only like 3/4 of my stuff. 1/4 was alredi @ bugis (coz I never shifted those over). Seems that I made the right decision in bring Phoenix, my PS2 & SubZero back on Thurs. Yes. The problem. I found out that my computer table doesn't fit under the shelf... so I've gotta like drag it out a little, which means... the chair can't fit in. So ended up having to sit on the bed to play WoW. Backache siahx. Currently the TV is left on the floor, haven't bought the stand yet... maybe later tonite after wrk I'll go to Ikea for a bit. Thankfully my parents helped settle the pets in. The no. of tanks is amazing I tell u... just ask those folks who helped me on Sat [thanks a million!!].

I don't have much space to walk around now though... lol. Due to the renovation my parents had the other time, most of my stuff are in boxes & containers that are all over my room floor. Due to me shifting back on Sat, there are also boxes & containers that take up 1/2 the floor space in the hall -.-" Think I'm gonna end up having to throw loads of stuff out *sigh* I'm such a bloody pack rat. Irl, my room is full with my stuff spilling over in other spaces... in game, I always run out of bank space. Wth. Goal for this week though, to settle @ least the bookshelf & wardrobe. With those 2 outta the way... I can start deciding which cabinet to keep and which to dump... then it'll be the ultimate headache. Where the hell am I gonna keep that many stuffed toys? Wah piang... it actually took up 3 huge bags (while my clothes only took up 1). Dun tell me gotta end up putting all of them onto my bed & I sleep in the hall again? X-(

So many things that require my attention. Still gotta make my way down to a HDB branch office to cancel my season parking for Bt. Panjang & get Harusame's pillion seat fixed. Think I'll do that this Sat if I ain't too lazy. Hmmm and last Fri, I just registered for my JLPT2. Woohoo, sheer suicide dude!! And sensei had to make this comment on Sun that got me totally demoralised - that it'z a huge level gap between JLPT3 & JLPT2. To think I barely made it thru' JLPT3... and tat was what, in 2004? Loads to catch up but I doubt I'll ever get ample motivation. The only thing I'm thankful of is that I managed to persuade someone else to sign up for JLPT as well. Shame that he's doing 4 though - which means I gotta figure out my stuff all by myself. Maybe I'll go get a guide book frm Kino... but ex siah. Anyway, the good thing is, he has agreed to study together... so I guess I'll be meeting him on a weekly basis - either a weekday or after class... and outside, I actually do get some studying done w/o the distractions I have @ home. Plus he's pretty fun to hang out with too >=)

The ultimate "tiring" thing that happened this weekend? My bro created a character on WoW using a trial account... and chances are, he's gonna activate it /swt. A female night-elf druid. (damnit, I was hoping that he'll create a priest) At this rate things are going, I foresee I'm gonna get even lesser sleep this week. Think itz just sooner or later that I'll experience k.o. siahx. I just hope that when I do, I'll have at least my room back to normal.

*stretches* Anyway I'd better put more effort into work... before the boss decides that I'm expendable! Am actually supposed to be working on something rite now, but I just couldn't concentrate. Damnit. I gotta do it by lunch. Bleah.

2007-09-06T12:22:00.000+08:00

I think I am losing it.

Went to the loo awhile ago & basically wasn’t watching where I was going. A sharp “piak” sound stopped me in my tracks b4 reaching the toilet door. I couldn’t help it but look down… and I wish I hadn’t done so. There, on the floor, was a thief bug (aka roach). Apparently I stepped on its head – there was this substance on the tiles and the head seemed like flattened towards the floor. It wasn’t dead though. It was still trying to get up… trying to move. Well ~ so what’s the big deal u might ask?

Hmm… normal folks would have ignored it and carried on walking. Me. I hesitated & stared at the bug for a while, watching it struggle desperately to stay alive. Then suddenly, I felt this huge sense of… idk, regret… I felt sorry for it... and fuck manx… I feel a sense of guilt. Trust me, if I could bring myself to do it, I would have picked it up or something, u know… like soothe it till it dies. Yah I know… thatz like fucking crazy isn’t it? Am kinda surprised that I felt that way too. I mean… fuck lah, it is a bloody cockroach… a pest, and probably better off dead. But it doesn’t deny the fact that it’s alive (or once was, considering by now it should have died)… and that I actually took that life away.

Makes me wonder… if I can feel that way about a roach, how the fuck can some ppl bring themselves to torture animals or other humans? Won’t they feel a sense of guilt and all? Doesn’t anyone feel anything anymore? And no, I wasn’t the kinda kid who would fry ants with a magnifying glass or tear the wings off a dragonfly for “childish amusement” – that is just plain cruel & totally fucked up.

I am fine if I just see a squashed up roach. But I’m not fine watching it try to keep itself alive. It just further reinforces the fact that all living creatures share the same basic instinct – to stay alive. I suppose, I’ll react the same way should my life be threatened in either way… but rite now, I can’t really think of a reason to live for. Guess that’s what’s bothering me. If I don’t have a reason to live, am I no better than a roach with a basic instinct of survival?

This is insane lah.

2007-09-04T09:42:00.000+08:00

Itz time. *sigh* Been thinking about this for quite sometime now... and itz finally time to put words into action. Am moving back home to Bugis this weekend - if everything goes well. Gahhh!! Tons of things for me to do for the nxt few days... gonna do some packing b4 my friends come over, gotta bring anything I can back b4 anything else, gotta work on transfering my Internet access back home, set up phone line... etc. /yawn not to mention, this is the last week to register for JLPT (and I'm gonna do it - even though chances are that I'm gonna fail eventually). Doesn't help that I still ain't getting enuff sleep. Nah WoW was not the cause last nite. I actually stayed up a little talking to a friend over the phone. Now when was the last time I actually stayed up using the phone? That so not my style huh? Just needed someone to talk to I suppose.

Anyway... idk. Idk about how I feel moving back home. Yeah ~ I don't really like living in Bt. Panjang and all... but at the very least, itz my space. Am gonna miss it a great deal, that I know for sure. The nice comfy bed, the bloster, pillow, the jacuzzi bathtub, that l-shaped sofa... etc. *shrugx* Ben just called last nite and said that he'll be renting the place out - someone came to view it and liked it and wants to have it for the nxt 2 years at 1.4k/mth. Well ~ thatz gonna be a boost to my $ intake thatz for sure... but gahhhhh dun ask me why... I just feel this weird tugging now that I know I ain't gonna be there anymore. Granted that I can still go back whenever I want to (coz am still the co-owner) but things just wun be the same, if u get what I mean? Besides... is there any point in going back there when Phoenix is coming with me? One sudden thought too... gotta cancel GIRO for my season parking & reapply for the one at Bras Brasah Complex. Phooey ~ I hate that carpark.

But u know what? I guess my sudden 'down mood' is somehow caused by the fact that I know for sure rite now that this r/s is over. I don't love him anymore... that I know. Itz been that way for at least a year alredi. So the question I'm asking myself is - why am I still feeling this way? This sense of 'yi yi bu she'? Yeah we did have some good times together back then... but thatz like history. We have been cordial lately, but thatz about it. Besides we don't talk till there's really a need to do so.

Hmmm... my friend asked me over the phone last nite, whether I have a bf. I said no. Broke up about a mth ago. Yeah, technically my last r/s was over about a mth. Then he mentioned that I seem to be taking it really well. I didn't say much - itz a long story... I didn't really feel like telling him everything. But inwardly I was thinking "am I really taking things well, or am I just burying it all inside?" I dunno. At times it seems that I'm so over everything, both that recent one & the one before... but at times, when the feeling comes back & hits me itz like !#&%~ and it gets harder trying to surpress it. These days it seems that I'm having a full schedule but am I just lonely deep down inside? I dunno. I just can't help wishing that someday I'll still find someone that I can spend the rest of my life with. Looking @ all those couples hand-in-hand on the streets doesn't help manx. They all just look... happy, full of hope in Life. Me? I'm just walking alone, bitter & dejected... wanting to just drop dead. Pathetic, I am.

But guess, other than that... I should be thankful for what I have rite now. I finally found a job, and moving home means I'll have more spare cash to spend on myself & to save up for overseas trips [though taking leave is another f**king big problem that I dun feel like blogging about rite now]. Ahhhhh... u know what I really feel like doing now? All I wanna do is take a plane to Canada & be with DP. I just know he'll make things okay somehow... not solve the problem, but at least make me feel better rite now. Got a headset + microphone from Funan yesterday... if our schedules match, guess I'll try that voice chat thing later tonite after tuition. Bleahhhh I really need rest. Need that energy to rein in all those negative thoughts. Now all I can do is keep myself from dozing off @ work & not giving in full to all that emotion. F**k lah. Emo!!

Silly as it might sound. All I want is someone to be my penguin.

2007-09-02T23:01:00.000+08:00

FINALLY !!!!!!

Alones - Aqua Timez

Seriously... how can you not like this song? It grows on you manx... it really fucking does. Now all I need is the MP3 so I can do it on repeat mode for a couple of hours... muahahaha ~ I'll probably get it when I get home on Phoenix. Ooooooh ~ manx I should really be asleep now but heck. This is worth the few minutes staying up for.

Enjoy. Really.

2007-08-30T18:39:00.000+08:00

Question of the Day: Should anyone even try to be nice these days?

Yeah being nice to someone brightens up the person's day... but why bother to even do that when someone else is out there fucking up yours? Ever thought of it? Oh ~ and worse... there are those who take it for granted when u are nice - u know the kind, give them an inch & they'll take a mile thingy? Before u know it, u have those mofos climbing all over ur head and doing some tippity tappity dance up there. Plus does kindess really beget kindness? I've always believed, and still do somehow, in "what goes around, comes around". Itz just that things that I've been seeing these days... makes me question that.

*shrugx* Anyway ~ just a random question that popped outta my brain suddenly - itz in absolutely no connection to what I'm gonna blog below.

Am just blogging from the office. Itz after ofc hrs, so am doing it in the open. Boss is gone. The only reason y I'm here is coz I'm supposed to meet a friend for dinner @ 7pm... and just minutes ago, received an SMS asking to meet 7:30pm instead. Hmm... this ain't the 1st time such a thing happened. The last time it did, I simply brushed it off. Now? Hah! Frankly, if it wasn't for the fact that he's leaving the country this Sat... I would have told him, forgeddit, we'll meet another time. Oh yeah ~ u can say that I'm being bloody fussy... but hello?! any idea how much I can do in 1/2hr? Well... if u are an mmorpg gamer, u'll understand. Time = exp. Even if u are not... just put it this way. Meet 1/2hr earlier = go home 1/2 earlier = sleep earlier. Got it now?

Wonder how the fuck am I gonna burn the nxt 45 goddamn minutes. Window shopping? Thatz just not my style... tmd. Should have made the "meeting time" 6:30pm instead.

2007-08-29T12:46:00.000+08:00

I wonder if it'll ever get easier. Am getting more confused as the days go by @ work. Too much different stuff "pushed" to me w/o proper guidance from anyone. All I'm told is to look for a precedent file & refer to it. Hmm ~ I don't ask for spoon-feeding, but at the very least... tell me what I'm looking for? It doesn't help that the files are pretty messy if u ask me. Tons of duplicate copies here & there. Yeah yeah maybe u can say that everything's easy... just refer to an example & come out with something that looks like it... but idk... itz just confusing to me. Doesn't help that I get conflicting "instructions" from 2 different people - the other secretary & the lawyer. *sigh* I knew it was gonna be difficult... but guess I shouldn't complain coz I'm learning new stuff all the time. The only question is, whether whatever I've learnt is 'correct'... and when will it be b4 I get outta this confused mode. Ah well ~ will continue trying and hope my biological OS doesn't crash /gg

Am so darn tired. Think am spending way too much time on WoW, at the expense of my sleep. Hmm.. then again, even w/o WoW, think itz gonna be more or less the same too. Got up at 5am this morning (thanx to an sms frm DP & a call frm Brian - according to them they were contemplating between letting me sleep or waking me up but guess they knew what I really wanted) just to play b4 I leave for work. Reason? Server was under maintainence last nite, so I simply went to sleep early after some guitar hero [bro's got the guitar for his bday whoooot!!]. Apparently I can never get enough rest. But hmm... itz good. Am fine this way. Heh, at the very least, it'll give me a "back-up activity" to do when I've got no plans for a day. Then again... frankly, if I'm home, do u think I'll be sleeping? Gotta spend some time catching up on cross-stitch too... got one "due" this week. Damn -.-"

Aaahhhh it seems to be getting harder to level on WoW too... seem to be only able to do the grey & green quests solo. Most of the rest, I'll need help. Hmmm wonder if thatz the way it is, or if I haven't gotten the hang of playing yet. Met this guy irl last Sunday, who used to play WoW [ironically he + his friends who quit are playing iRO now] & he gave me a "lecture" about tanking, pulling... etc. haven't gotten the chance to experiment with that yet though *mumbles* Instances just take too long. Think I should just make it my aim to do one per weekend ~ just to gain some exp with it. Was sneaking a look @ the various armor & weaps on thottbot earlier and got myself even more... confused. Lolx. Hahah guess I should just take things a step at a time. Itz way too early to plan my eq now I suppose (hmm... though on RO I pretty much did it b4 going for rebirth - then again RO private server so guess it has to be done earlier with the increased exp rate ~ ahhhh I miss my SinX, and to think I finally got all the cards needed for the weap!).

Now the nxt thing to do is to influence my bro to start playing it too /gg he was pretty tempted when he watched me in BFD the other day. muahahahah ~ a future draenei shadow priest. Damnit, must get him to play a female toon... now that DP has created a female draenei too. Itz kinda cute to have an all-girl party ^-^

Know what ~ I just might buy an account for my bro as a belated b-day pressie when I get my 1st paycheck. Just think itz pretty ridiculous that we need the CD to create an account. I mean... both of us are living in the same house (yes I'm moving back soon), so why do we need 2 copies of the same darn game? Pfffttttt... one of Blizzard's money-making strategies I suppose. Have alredi sent them an email regarding this matter & am simply waiting for their response. Ack ~ I hope I don't have to buy both WoW & Burning Crusade... that'll be slightly more than $100 and ehhh my take home pay not that high to afford it easily hor!! Plus I've still got my main goal to save up towards... the trip to Japan next year. I really can't wait to go there (and trust me, thatz not only becoz itz Japan)! XD

2007-08-27T12:30:00.000+08:00

Hairspray. One hell of a good movie. To me, that is. Watched it @ The Grand Cathay last Fri and boy didn’t I regret it! In fact, loved it so much that I’ve just gotta get my parents to watch it as well – bought the tix for them online for the Sat session. *grinx* Yeah I simply adore musicals. No idea why… I just do. Anyway it was one movie that got me smiling all the way – from the beginning to the end. Ookie… it helps that there were 2 cute boys: Zac Efron (a little young, but my goodness… just look at his eyes) & James Marsden (yes, that’s Cyclops to you). Lolx and itz hilarious looking @ Travolta in a fat suit.

Anyway, it was labeled a “feel good” movie in TNP’s review… and yeah, for once I do agree. Itz a story about how dreams come true… and where the girl gets the cute guy, despite being… well, big. But boy can she moooove - damnit manx, if only I can do that too!! *shrugx* Hmm... Michelle Phieffer is still gorgeous at her age. Wonder how the f**k some women manage to do that. I dunno… u just gotta watch it to understand what I mean. And yeah ~ I intend to watch it this a 2nd time someday… when I have time to get it from the Monkey. Gahh... itz been awhile since I last watched a movie I liked so much XD

2007-08-24T12:49:00.000+08:00

TGIF. Never had the need to say that before coz I normally work on Saturdays as well, but now that I'm doing a 5-day week... yeah... TGIF. Really. Not that I'm gonna spend the weekend catching up on sleep [on the contary, it's gonna be worse - I just know it], but not having to force myself to wake up that early in the morning & be turned into the ham in various metal sandwiches on the way to my parents' place is a relief. Trust me, Upper Bt. Timah can be a f**king pain in the ass during peak hours - the road condition is one thing, the way the lanes are done up... bleah... causing idiotic drivers to lane change here & there. Goddamnit lah!! If u know u gotta make a left turn up ahead, can't u just ensure that u move into the correct lane beforehand? Dun jam up the bloody road lah!!

My schedule rite now? Mon, work, parents place, sleep; Tues, take bus back to Bt. Panjang for tuition then head home; Wed morning ride bike down to parents place, have breakfast then off to work, bike to tuition then home; Thurs same as Wed; Fri morning is the same, after wrk have dinner then ride home for overnite gaming; Sat morning tuition... then rest of the day "unscheduled"; Sunday anything, aside from Jap class in the noon. Of coz there are always impromtu changes to the timetable now & then... but yeah, seems like weekends are always more xiong than weekdays coz I try to fit in meeting up with friends too. *nod nod* Am trying my best to retain some resemblence of a social life despite all this. bgr nah (yah lah ~ and no one wants a girl like me oso)... but friends are still impt to me.

Well ~ coming to the end of my 3rd week here... am still alive somehow. Aside from the fact that I'm having difficulty picking up the things I should - due to lousy guidance (for a detailed story, u can ask me on MSN) - and am slacking off @ work now and then... well I guess, if the boss is willing to keep me around in the company, I'll stay. Am still "under probation" so I gotta keep my fingers crossed that I won't be given the boot in a few mths time!!

Lolx, of coz... one impt factor that decides my fate in this company is whether I'll be able to apply for block leave nxt year. Hmmm if boss says that itz still within my 1st year hence no, but it'll be approved for subsequent years... then okay, fair enough - we'll just have to postpone our Japan trip (damn!)... but if itz made clear that such block leave will never be approved, then I've gotta start searching for something else lioax. Yeah ~ this may be a 'small reason' to some folks, but to me... well, just put it this way, I'd like to fulfil my world-travel "dream"... one country @ a time. 1 country per year, 2 weeks per trip. *shrugx* Yes, someone like me still has dreams somehow.

I know. I've placed too much Hope in too many things b4... so why am I still doing this? Well ~ just put it this way. Like all other humans, I do need substantial reasons to stay alive too... and something to look forward too. Rite now, thatz the only thing I dare to put faith in. Coz somehow, I know I can do it.

*shrugx* I never asked for anything much I suppose. I don't ask for all the money in the world, I don't ask for power... etc. Well ~ I guess some of you do know this, what I want is just someone to spend the rest of my Life with - a companion for my never-ending journey. And yeah... maybe that is too much to ask for. Guess it's something that will forever remain a "dream" for me... coz itz something I dun really feel like searching for anymore. Itz just too troublesome... and not to mention, all that struggling with sanity, internal conflict... etc. what result did I obtain eventually? Nothing, except the shards of my shattered pride. Nice huh? It all boils down to luck lah - finding the person who can appreciate me for who I am... and someone I can appreciate for who he/she is. Anyone who has ever played any game or who knows me long enough will know my... luck for such matters.

Just look at my dice throws, 'nuff said.

2007-08-21T11:44:00.000+08:00

Tuesday. Hmmm slightly better than Monday I suppose. Met up with an old friend for dinner last nite - someone from my poly days. Lost contact with him somewhere along the way actually, and it's just a huge coincidence that I noticed he viewed my Friendster profile (though he couldn't be sure it was me then). So yeah, got his MSN, then his contact no... and thought that I should just drag him out for dinner to see how he's morphed into. It's been what... more than 5 years since I left NP. Hmm ~ he ain't exactly in my faculty... can't remember how I met him, but back then, I was wrking @ GV and he would like drop by every now and then, wait for me to finish wrk then go catch a 9+ movie together. Then occasionally we'll makan at canteen 1 when we happen to have the same lunch break (damn I bloody miss the food @ NP). Those were the days /gg

Anyway phew ~ he looks pretty different now, with that short hair of his. Used to be that kinda "beng" long hair cut. But yeah still can recognise him lah... his eyes doesn't change. Still the large pretty ones I've remembered (gotta admit though, I kinda liked him back then). Conversation was weird... at times had to dig for things to say. Itz been so long afterall... dun really know what to talk about. The typical stuff like - "what have u been doing since then", "what u working as now"... yadda yadda are like #%&~ so I didn't really wanna go into that. But I guess, on the overall it went on pretty good. At least I didn't find myself dozing off or something. Then again, thatz just my pov. He might think differently. Hmm... ah well. Whatever ya?

Ehh why the fark am I blogging about that anyway?

What did I actually wanna blog about. Let me see. Just had a comment about my gaming habits. Hmm... I got to know this woman frm one of my mIRC bo liao chats, and she has me on her MSN. So earlier, she msged me asking how did I spend the weekend - simple, I just told her it was grinding, farming & questing on WoW. Then she asked me whether if I see myself still gaming 10 years from now. Told her that I'll still be gaming... but will probably no longer be on WoW. She continued to say that it's a phase that I should grow out of coz "women have better things to do with their time". Itz like... doh? I barely know u and here u are suggesting the kinda lifestyle I should lead? Plus u know how I feel about ppl trying to interfere with my Life (I'm the kinda "do anything that you want, as long as u really want it" person). Then she went on to suggest self-training seminars... yadda yadda that kinda shit. Itz like... *yawn*. What kinda woman is she? Well the kind thatz into makeup, self-pampering, parties and those kinda "wild stuff". Whore, if u ask me (I've got other reasons for saying that... itz just that I ain't blogging it down)... but I never did tell her to be less of a slut.

Anyway... the irony is, her MSN nick reads "Be Yourself & No One Else".

Apparently I'm not the only one who self-contradicts.

2007-08-20T10:31:00.000+08:00

Oh gawd, am feeling so goddamned sleepy even though I did get 8hrs of rest last nite. I just hope that this workday ends soon, so I can go home... have dinner, then knock out. *shrugx* Guess this is what folks label as "Monday blues". Frankly, I never felt that before [in my previous job with the damned language school, I simply felt annoyed & sleepy no matter the day; and while tutoring, it wasn't this bad!] & I don't like it. Gahhh am like nodding off @ the desk rite now. Working people should really spend the weekend "recovering". What did I do? I spent the weekend exploring the lands, sacrificing much sleep.

Lette me do a recap [for my own sake more than anything else]. Friday: no tuition so had dinner @ parents place after wrk, left pretty early... got back to Bt. Panjang about 10+ then it was gaming till 6am. Sleep ~ Saturday: woke up 10am, raining so got myself in game till 12+, left for tuition... got home approx 2:30pm, had lunch & more gaming till 6pm when I took a nap, got disturbed by phonecall at 8+, had a quick dinner & gamed somemore, 12+ took a nap till 3am... woke up and never went to sleep till Sun nite 11:45pm (of coz during Sun it wasn't gaming all the way - I actually did go out, skipped Jap class due to a lunch buffet... etc).

*mumbles* Now tell me that wasn't suicidal.

It didn't help that on the average, I get only about 4-5hrs of slumber per night. Think this has to change if I wanna prevent myself from fainting on the desk at work. I daresay itz pure willpower that's keeping me awake rite now. Should I allow myself to close my eyes for too long a duration, I'll fall asleep for sure. And trust me, it's damn tempting to let that happen rite now. If only there's a good place that I can go & take a short power snooze. Uhmm... the toilet isn't a good evnironment to sleep in, don't even think about it. Gahhh how the fuck am I supposed to last till 6pm or later?

Maybe it was a mistake starting on a new mmorpg. Or maybe all I need is simply more self-discipline. Whatever it is, I just hope I dun end up doing the same stuff I've always condemned - totally trading real life for game life. Yeah ~ I believe WoW has destroyed many irl r/s... and frankly, I can understand why [note: "understanding" ain't equivalent to "forgiving"]. It's especially if you are high levelled & part of an active raid guild. I've seen the recruitment calls from some guilds. They have established raid times and demand like 75-80% attendence from their members. I looked @ those times, itz like after office hours and all on weekdays & more on weekends. Fair enough? Hmm... yeah it is okay I suppose, if you are single & doesn't have much of a care in the world. But if u are attached... having such a timetable is just gonna fuck up ur r/s. Imagine having a bf/gf who doesn't wanna come out with u (and gives u the lame excuse of being 'tired' after a hard day at work) just coz s/he has to take part in raids to stay in his/her guild? Now that's just kinda sad isn't it? I suppose it's okay if both parties are doing the same thing & gaming together... but chances are, that doesn't happen irl.

I just hope I'll never become that fucked up... and in the case that I acutally do, I pray that I'll have the humanity remaining not to fuck up another person's life coz of the path I've chosen.

10:24am... another 8hrs or so to go *sigh* doesn't help that no one is chatting on MSN rite now. That always makes time pass more quickly. Feeling like a n00b @ work doesn't help improve the mood either. So many short forms... "CTC" lah, "M&A" lah... wah piang, frankly... SMLJ?!

2007-08-17T21:52:00.000+08:00

*sigh* Some goodbyes are forever. Some things are just gone for good. Been thinking about that the entire way home. Itz funny, that something that may seem so insignificant to another actually threatened to allow my tears to just spillover. Had to resist the urge though. Ain't safe to be tearing while squeezing in between vehicles. Itz been what... 3 years alreadi? Manx. Time does passes damn quickly huh? 2003. Yeah, that was the year I finally got my class 2B license. About a mth after obtaining it, I got Harusame. Know what? Her COE expires on July 2009. Barely 2 years more... and I'm gonna be stuck with decisions again. Whether to get the COE renewed or just let her become a lump of scrap metal.

I know, I know. Itz stupid to develop feelings over a bike... but trust me, she isn't the only inanimate object that I've "gotten involved" with. Gahhh I'm pretty surprised at how strong my feelings are... considering that I barely take care of her. Itz been more than 1 yr since I last washed my bike actually -.-" and more than 6 mths since I sent her for servicing. Well ~ there are people who suggest that I just get rid of her now... push her into any bike shop that will take her & get another SP. *shakes head* Thatz one option that will never be taken. I ain't her 1st owner - I am her 6th. But she's my 1st bike. Am not too sure if she's gonna be the last for me, but I just don't want her to go to anyone else. Selfish I am, maybe. Even if I were not to renew her COE, am gonna ensure that I'll be the one who is with her all the way. *shrugx* I know ~ that sounds a little childish... but still...

Itz just the thought of pushing her into a bike shop, telling the shop owner to send her for scraping, saying goodbye and never seeing her again that makes me so unbalanced. I just know that, if that day comes, I'll leave the shop in tears & will probably "mourn" for the nxt few days. By then I should have gotten my class 2A alredi, and will probably upgrade to a bigger cc bike... but... argghhhh I don't even know how to describe this feeling.

I just can't believe I'm going all emo over this.

2007-08-14T10:14:00.000+08:00

Itz gonna be soon now. Approx. 3 days + 13hrs more. Come Friday night, I will embark on a whole new journey altogether. *grinx* Sounds damn dramatic rite? Hahaha ~ well, as usual I’m sleep-deprived… and when I don’t get enough rest, my brain goes into overdrive & I start embellishing things with more fuss than required (maybe I will make a good bard). Right. Now where was I? A journey. Yeah… am scheduled to begin my exploration of the world of Azeroth - a brand new game, a brand new world, a brand new… well everything. Lolx. New for me, that is... something that I should have done sometime ago >=)
So how did that decision come about? *shrugx* Saw my “momma” play it @ her place, while I was struggling on Kingdom Hearts (or was it Guitar Hero?)… and yeah thought it looked pretty good. Mentioned that I’ll start playing once I get a job, and now that I’m 1 week into it… guess I should keep my word. I know, I know… it’s a bad idea to actually start a new game, especially a mmorpg, when I’ve got such a packed schedule, but like I mentioned, this is long overdue. DP did ask me to play before, but back then, I was occupied with something else. Figured out that if I don’t start sometime, I never will… so here goes. Went out the get the game at SLS yesterday evening. Will install it probably either this nite or the nxt & start the patching process. Got the 60 days pre-paid card as well, so guess I’m bound for at least 3 mths. It’ll definitely be longer, should I manage to establish some friendships there. Yeah ~ that’s actually the key to someone staying on mmorpgs – the other players.

Let’s see… DP is gonna be joining me & so is another friend of mine ^-^ So I suppose it won’t be that lonely in the start. Plus there’s always that friend of mine and her brother but their levels are like… bleahhhhh. It’ll take me forever even to reach 20 I believe, coz frankly I don’t think I’ll be able to play more than 2hrs per nite on a weekday (if I want to prevent “fainting @ work” from happening), and on the weekend, I’ll be over @ my parents place… so my gaming time will be directly affected by whether my bro’s home or otherwise. Not to mention, the new EPL season hath just kicked off, so with luck, Sat nites will be spent outside watching soccer somewhere. It’ll be much easier when I bring Phoenix back… soon I believe, I’ll move back. All this traveling in the mornings lately is draining my energy way too much - I will have definitely at least 1hr more of sleep if I don't have to make that journey.

*yawn* Well so far I’m coping okay I guess… am not too sure, coz I won’t know if I’m deemed as “screwing up” in the eyes of the boss. But hopefully this time I’ll not quit after like a few mths or something ~ and hopefully this will ‘go somewhere’. Am just tired of switching job scopes every now and then. Hmm… that doesn’t apply to overseas positions though. Am still keeping a lookout for one, and if I do find something, I’m outta here, outta this country. Heh… well, at the very least, I’m still using ebuddy in the office. Talking to friends while working does seem to make things a little better. I just hope the boss doesn’t say anything about it & bans me from using. Itz a small office afterall… can’t hide it.

Tuesday. 4 more days to the weekend. Gahhhh ~

2007-08-11T20:00:00.000+08:00

"how many of us can actually just forget about the pain and love without fears? the first question overwhelmed me was.. can you trust yourself to love again?"

Lifted this off a friend's blog... well since I just woke up and am in a half-daze (which is when my words tend to flow w/o inhibitions)... let me try responding to those questions >=)

1st question. Simple answer. The only people who can forget about pain & live without fears, are known as "madmen". Anyone with minimal sanity lives with fear. Fear is a basic instinct. It protects you. Let's see... u touch a hot kettle... u go 'ouch'. Then u'll remember never to touch a hot kettle ever again. Get what I mean?

2nd one. Yes. You can trust urself to love again. The only question is - how much? Or rather... maybe it should be... how much do u love that person. Enough in order to override ur fears & take the plunging of "loving again". Everyone has had negative experiences in the past. Only those who are truly lucky can escaped unscathed (then again, are they the lucky ones for they'll never know the pain?). What matters is not how much u get hurt. What matters is how much u can recover after getting hurt - how much of those scattered pieces of pride u can pick up & move on... and whether u allow urself to be dragged down by burdens from the past.

Let me just put it this way. I think I've blogged this b4. Everyone has their own cross to bear. Ask urself, what size do u want ur cross to be, and how do u wanna carry it. Reach a river and u need to get to the other side... do u wanna still carry that cross even though u know u'll drown? Or would u rather place it down & continue with ur swim? Well ~ there is always the other option. F**k the river and take another route (or look for a bridge) to ur destination. But at times, Time is a luxury we don't have.

Makes sense? Dun worry if it doesn't to you. Coz it defys logic to me either.

But still... think about it. I'll see u tml, if u read this b4 then ^-^

2007-08-11T04:04:00.000+08:00

*stretches* The 1st week @ work is over. Hmm... haven't felt the full "force" of the workload yet I suppose, considering that there was a ph break in between. Yeah... National Day. Plus stop asking me whether I'd watched the NDP. I didn't. Was playing Kingdom Hearts 2 instead. Only dragged myself away frm the PS2 coz I had to have dinner. *nod nod* Guess thatz what affected me the most - the lack of gaming hours. Plus I'm way lagging behind when it comes to anime. Am gonna leave Phoenix on for the nite & hopefully tml I'll somehow get the time to do some catching up. Gahhh so many things to do, so little time. Only managed to do like 45min of stitching earlier - uber multi-tasking though... watching anime @ the same time & responding to msgs on MSN. Haha yeah multi-tasking ain't an option for me these dayz... itz a necessity. Should I not do that, I'll be getting even less than my usual 4-5hrs of snooze.

Well ~ sacrifices gotta be made I suppose. Actually am thankful that I ain't in any r/s rite now. I would be like so burnt-out if I've to handle all that nonsense that comes along. Not to mention, if I'm attached... I doubt I'll have any "Me time" left (coz I'm the kinda idiot who will meet up with my partner no matter how tired I am).

Gahhh I just wish I didn't have to do that much travelling. Town to Bt. Panjang, Bt. Panjang to town... etc. Then again, the tuition means extra bucks. So itz good =) Just hopefully I'll be able to switch my bio clock to "normal" again... yeah I know that'll mean sacrificing even more gaming hours but guess there's always a limit somewhere.

Fancy me talking about that when I've the intention to start on WoW nxt weekend /gg. Mentioned that to DP and guess what? He's gonna re-roll a character and join me too XD Hahah yeah speaking about gaming, TM on EbilRO is as good as dead -.-" Due to our inactivity I suppose. Guess there wasn't anyone to keep the guild together with both of us absent. Well ~ our PCs did happen to go down @ the same time. And frankly... I got quite exhausted after that race to lvl 99. I suppose I'll still login now and then if I've got the time, b4 I get WoW... but shame that most of the members have moved on by now. *sigh*

Tons of things happened during these few weeks. Apparently there was some friction between a few of the members (and till now, I don't know what really went on), so the guild simply fell apart. Gahhh... then I heard frm baby that Kev & maro got divorced - reason being there was another guy interested in maro... so Kev just let him have her. Thatz like !#%&!#&~ I just hope he didn't feel too down about it - he did tell me he was kinda "emo" after that though. No doubt itz "just a game", but am sure real feelings do get tangled in somewhere down the road. Damn. They were one of the more lovey dovey couples in our "family tree" back then. Gahhh... come to think of it, the damned tree doesn't exist anymore it seems... though he & baby are still calling me mom when they contact me on MSN.

See what I mean now, when good things don't last?

2007-08-08T00:05:00.000+08:00

Ahhhhh gotta start keeping my fingers crossed. Been taking 1 step further into the planning process - just spent a couple of hours earlier surfing travel websites & checking out airfares to Japan. Damn. If I didn't have to work, I wouldn't have to worry. Waiting till after I return from Japan to find a full-time job ain't an option too. I know, it's still months ahead. But time flies faster than anyone can comprehend... 8 mths will be over in a flash. Though granted that there's no point worrying about things beyond my control rite now ~ will handle the obstacles as they come (which is nearer to the date) I suppose. I just hope I'll be able to take that much leave. Singaporean bosses don't seem too "kind" when it comes to such stuff. They only expect their employees to work, work & work. Can't they understand that normal folks like us have lives too? Just coz they don't, doesn't mean everyone doesn't!!

The plan? Hmm... date: 12 - 26 April 2008. According to the flight schedule, the plane will leave Changi airport at about 6am, and arrive in Tokyo 14:00hrs (their local time). Which is good, coz apparently DP has one that will arrive in Tokyo at 13:55hrs. Departure is slightly different, with his flight leaving like 2hrs before mine - but that ain't a worry. Anyway, it's roughly decided that we'll be visiting Tokyo & Kyoto. Plans are still sketchy now... but some places include Disneyland, Mt. Fuji, a hot spring and probably some temples & castles too. And yeah, will be taking a chance bunking into a capsule hotel when we're in Tokyo. For the rest, we should probably end up squeezing into a single room ^-^

You know, it seems all nice talking about it rite now... making the plans & all. But I wonder if I should get my hopes too high. On his side, he'll be able to apply for leave for sure. Me? Everything will just crumble if my boss rejects my block leave. It is a small company afterall, with just 1 other staff. And she did mention during the interview that at all times, she likes to have 2 full-timers in the office. *sigh* Well, I don't have to apply for leave rite now... bad idea considering that I've only been working for 2 days. But I suppose we'll be finalising our plans by Dec... so yeah. Hopefully by then... Itz just gonna be one huge disappointment if we end up not going after all these mths of planning.

*nod nod* Yes, I finally found a job. The pay is pathetic (yes, trust me... I could earn the same amt working as a waitress in a cafe - more if I worked full-time in a pub), but I guess it's still better than $0. Hmm... if I save 1/2 my take home pay each mth, yeah, I'll be able to afford that Japan trip for sure. Which means - no more shopping sprees for me. Am still gonna hang on to as many tuition assignments as I can, for the extra cash. Gahh ~ initially I had the hopes that if I find something that pays good, I can quit all those assignments. But unless I wanna kiss that PSP, mp3 player and scv box goodbye... I gotta hang in there somehow. At least till the end of this year, or till they sack me, whichever is sooner. That'll be xiong, I know. Running from town to west area so often... but well, it's just something I gotta do. Then I suppose.. after I lose all those assignments, I'll go look for a part-time evening/weekend job. Will wrk @ a pub if that's what it takes.

Guess u can say that I'm burying myself in work... to get over certain stuff. But more $ is always good I suppose. Would rather spend all that energy on something than reaps substantial rewards than something that's no better than a gamble a.k.a. stupid r/s. No more manx. No more of all that nonsense... at least for now.

2007-08-07T01:14:00.000+08:00

Oops!! Apparently my shopping "spree" didn't stop. Bought a few new pieces of clothes & undergarments on Sun + Cross Stitcher... the only lucky thing was that my mum paid for some of the items. And I guess that ain't gonna end. Got a haircut scheduled... plus I gotta get at least a new pair of jeans. Just realised on the MRT today that there's a hole @ a very strategic part /swt. It ain't that obvious coz my jeans are pretty loose fit, but still... -.-" Ah well ~ casual wear wise, maybe I should try make some changes to my wardrobe - break away from all that black tees & choose something more... well, colorful? Lolx. But no pink manx. NO PINK!! I fucking hate pink. Pink as part of a design, ok. Pink as in the entire shirt? No fucking way!! No pastel shades either. Makes me look "deader" than I alredi am.

Which means. Gotta get a tan.

Yeah... think I'm getting vainer. Guess that just comes with age - when u realise that time is no longer on ur side, and that all that "youth" is fading away. *shrugx* No kidding manx. Am starting to develop a tiny little tummy. F**k, just the thing I don't want!! Maybe itz time I'd start doing exercise again... my lazy muscles have been idle for like what, 4 years (since I left NP)? Must get back in shape - if I still can XD

Bleahhh ~ now it just sounds as if I've fallen in love. And guess what? Maybe I am afterall.

2007-08-05T00:09:00.000+08:00

Pffttttt... instead of curbing my spendings, gave into temptation & did a little of shopping today (when what I really should be doing is cooping myself up @ home with my Jap textbook). Floss & clothes. Spent slightly more than $100. Well ~ the clothes are necessities I suppose. Formal wear. What I do need when I start working. *sigh* I just wish that it ain't necessary to dress up that way to work in an office environment. Who the fuck invented those kinda social rules anyway? That u gotta look "professional" to project the correct image. Or rather, who the fuck was the one who dicated what was formal & what wasn't? It all boils down to social norms once again. You know lah, the same thingy that dictates how girls should and shouldn't dress - dolling up to entice a man... etc. those kinda bullshit. Itz sad, but true. Everyone needs to conform to a certain extent, and I'm not talking about merely fitting in.

Conforming is what I don't like to do.

Not that I'm exactly a rebel. I'm of chaotic neutral alignment afterall, not chaotic evil or neutral evil - like most ppl tend to think I am. I don't think I purposely go outta my way just NOT to conform. That'll just be a fucking waste of time. Well ~ my point is, I don't like having to do things just coz I'm supposed to do them. I'll be fine if "formal wear" comprises of those comfortable t-shirt & berms that I adore (+ nice little converse shoes, that is!). I'll be fine if girls don't have to put on make-up and all those crap just to look attractive... or rather, I'll be fine if in order to look attractive, all u gotta do is put on that t-shirt & jeans combo. Lolx. Yeah ~ I'm a super casual person I suppose. Can't be bothered with all those damn accessories & trinklets that "normal" girls seem to adore.

Itz just unfortunate that I ain't born a guy.

Guys seem to have it easy. Long-sleeved shirt, pants + black shoes. Presto!! Formal wear!! Alrite alrite, there's still the tie... but it sure beats those stupid clothes women wear. I mean, there's like so many fucking types that itz a bloody headache even walking thru' the clothes section. Not to mention, there are those accessories that come with the clothes (and those teeny little handbags that don't seem to serve much of a practical purpose - how many stuff can u actually sqeeze into those things anyway?). Then there are those heeled shoes... that basically do nothing except hurt ur legs & lower back. And the worst of them all. Make-up. Till now I still don't see the point in doing it. Yah lah ~ it does help to make ugly girls seem a tad attractive, but seriously... all that effort? Not to mention, the horror ppl will go thru' when they see u w/o make-up. Hmm... and oh, did I mention that itz fake "beauty" anyway?

Bleah!!! Think I'll remain "ugly" all the time instead, thank you.

Itz just such a superfical world out there. Like I told a friend just the other nite. Guys are superficial while girls are materalistic. Hence u'll see pairings like - fat ugly rich guy + slim pretty trophy girlfriend. *shrugx* Like I mentioned b4 as well. I see the logic in going after guys who are healthy financially. Coz chances are, u'll end up with a bastard (I know, there are decent guys out there... but the % is so goddamned low that u'll be lucky to find one who is single). So u might as well get a rich bastard, than a poor one ^-^

PS. I still think that skirt is bloody short (only my boxers are shorter than it)... but hmm... I don't mind it that much >=)

2007-08-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

Phew ~ after a few agonising days... and having to run over to my parents' & friend's place to use the Internet for job searching, Phoenix is back up & running. Apparently it was her heatsink that konked this time... replaced the BIOS battery as well. Thanks Brian, for helping me check it out. And thanx tuttle for offering to help too (paiseh, couldn't SMS u to tell u, coz my phone is under repair too... and ur no. ain't in my SIM card memory). *nod nod* Now all that's left is get my phone back. Manx ~ thankfully my dad paid for the repair. Am seriously outta moolah for this mth - badly in the negative alredi. And I've still gotta renew Harusame's road tax.

Hmm... those days w/o Internet connection had both pros & cons. The pros are - well, I finally got my lazy ass to revise some of my old Jap stuff from the previous school. Watched a few TV shows - one in particular which revived my interest in King Arthur, and did a little cross stitch. Wouldn't have done all that if Phoenix was around. But heyz ~ doesn't mean that I want Phoenix to go down again aight? The cons were... when I had nothing to watch on TV, I really had nothing to watch. Lolx, and yeah, I missed talking to someone quite badly too & ended up SMSing instead -.-" Anyway... am really glad that Phoenix is home.

Well ~ got myself into yet another brain vs heart dilema earlier today. After much dilberation & consideration, as well as seeking the opinions of others & talking it out... I've decided to, once again, follow my heart. I just hope this time, it's the right choice to make & I won't end up regretting why I didn't take up the other option instead.

How I wish Life wasn't filled with such difficult decisions.

Wish me luck manx. Really. I fucking need it this time. Screwed up too many times in my Life already... despite living only almost 26 years. Made too many mistakes in too many aspects already. I know, I keep telling myself to listen to my brain... but well ~ I'm weak I guess. This time I just hope I don't get myself into another fucking mess *sigh*

===========================

STRANGE BUT TRUE

Year 1981

1. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
2. Australia lost the Ashes
3. Pope Died

Year 2005

1. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
2. Australia lost the Ashes
3. Pope Died

Educational Facts
===========================

2007-07-30T01:11:00.000+08:00

Friends - is that a need or a want? *shrugx* Just a sudden random question that popped into my head. I guess it's the same as love. Humans do not need friends to stay alive - but having friends sure does makes the journey through this world easier. Face it. It simply sucks being alone all the time. Well ~ I've never been one of the "popular kids". On the contary, I was never able to form firm friendships and all. The people I hang out with... itz more outta convenience than anything. Once I leave the school/work place... etc. we barely keep in contact anymore. I never really had a "best friend". Guess one reason is coz it takes alot to maintain a friendship... and itz natural for people to simply drift apart after sometime.

Hmmm... guess I should count myself lucky that I've got friends in the 1st place. Yeah ~ there are some folks whom I dare consider "friends". Have known them for a damn long time & I still enjoy hanging out with them. How long will these friendships last, I really can't say. Though it may seem that it might last forever ~ there's no telling for certain what might happen to screw it up somewhere down the road. But whatever it is, am really glad that I've got you folks around rite now.

Well... it may sound a little cheesy, and a tad emo - which is totally NOT my style... but I just feel like doing it at this point of time. To those whom I call friends [you know who u are], this song is for you. For some reason, am unable to copy & paste the embed URL, so just click here to view the video.

*sigh* Phoenix died again. Saturday morning, she simply shut down w/o reason and refused to turn on. I hope itz just a minor problem such as the power supply or cable... I really don't wanna go thru' a troublesome reformat. And I sure hope it ain't an expensive trouble like the burning of my motherboard manx!! Gahh... it is freaky though, how things are like so coincidental. Just picture this. I got home around 10+ and turned on the PC, just in time to see an MSN msg that my nemesis left for me, asking me to wake him at 10:30. I looked @ the clock, nice. Just in time. So I sent the SMS. Then I got a reply SMS stating that he woke up, but had computer problems so he couldn't come online & had to reformat. Barely an hour later, Phoenix went down. What are the odds of 2 people who know each other having computer problems at around the same time siahx? Bleah, I know itz nothing more than a coincidence. But itz so damn weird that simillar things tend to happen to the both of us ard the same times [this ain't the 1st incident liaox - I just didn't bother to blog the rest].

Jeez ~ itz just a pain using my dad & bro's PC to do stuff. I've been trying to dl some stuff I attached via Hotmail from Phoenix, trying to get some printed & send a job application. Yeah, been trying to do that since 1 fucking hour ago. My bro's PC has NO Word, so gotta use my dad's for that... and both their coms have terrible connection. I alredi get impatient with mine back at Bt Panjang at times, but this is just ultimate loh. Forever getting the "oops, we can't open blah blah blah" error & have to refresh and all. This is seriously testing my patience manx. I hope that I won't be subject to this torture every day when I eventually move back here. Chances are, I'll continue with my broadband subscription instead of using the router. Yes, I'm willing to pay to avoid all this pain.

Anyway... it was the WWE Smackdown/ECW Tour last Sat. Went down to the Indoor Stadium to catch it. Boy ~ I had waited like 2 mths for this to take place!! Hmm, I wouldn't say that it was worth the $ paid. Some of the main superstars that were promised didn't turn up. No Edge, no CM Punk & no Matt Hardy !#(%#&~ plus the atmosphere simply wasn't there. There were no pyrotechnics... no effects... nothing manx. Thatz quite a disappointment. Let me just put it this way. Those pyrotechnics have a huge effect on rousing the crowd. An example will be Kane's trademark "flames". That will definitely get the crowd cheering and on their feet. As a result... well I guess the audience, me included, was pretty much "dead" 80% of the time. Itz not that I wasn't interested in the superstars or matches... it was simply, they failed to get my adrenaline pumping.

The matches??

Chris Masters vs Ric Flair [WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!]
Tag Team Championship Match: Duece & Domino vs The Major Brothers (who?)
Stevie Richards vs Elijah Burke
Michelle McCool vs Victoria
Finlay vs Kane
ECW Championship Match: Johnny Nitro vs Tommy Dreamer
Chavo Gurrerro vs Rey Mysterio
Heavyweight Championship Match: Batista vs Khali
Batista & Kane vs Khali & Finlay

OMFG The Great Khali was fucking ENORMOUS!! Gahhhh... I wonder how is it gonna be if I ever meet up with him face to face. I'll probably be starring directly @ his belly button manx!! 7 ft 3 in. That'll be approximately what... 2.2m? Jeez. How in the world can someone grow till that size? And oh... check out the muscles on Batista. Phew ~ major drool factor ^-^ Mysterio wasn't too bad either, just a little vertically challenged. And speaking of drool factor... just look at the Masterpiece & Johnny Nitro. Their six packs were like absolutely wahhhhhhhhhh :D~~ definitely something u don't see on the local guys XD

Someday... someday I'll make my way to the US or Canada & watch Monday Night RAW & Friday Night Smackdown there LIVE. And with luck, someday I'll get photographs taken with some of the superstars. Ooooooo I wanna see Randy Orton, Triple H... and of coz, Shawn Michaels up close >=)

2007-07-27T01:28:00.000+08:00

Ookie, the deed is done. Trashed Grandia XTreme. New G.I.P. - Kingdom Hearts. Started the game at ellone's place on Tues nite while taking a break from Guitar Hero. Heh heh ~ would have played other RPGs... but they dun seem to have anything else that I would be interested in... and Silent Hill, no lah - that one need my bro to play. Call me evil, but I just get a kick outta seeing the tension on his face whenever the game is on >=)

*shrugx*

Anyway ~ what the fuck is wrong with girls these days? Yes yes, you read it right. For once I'm not slamming the male gender but the female. First is the nonsense tat my evil twin got entangled in (and thankfully he told me that itz over for now)... and recently someone I know just stepped into a cesspit too. Yes! I'm talking about YOU, CHEETARD!!

Hmm... sorry Chee, but I have to post this coz when I scrolled back on the MSN chat that u left (was playing Sims 2 then and didn't alt+tab till the time I did) and read what was being said + that blog entry of urs, the 1st thought that came to my mind was WTF. Ehh... nobody, NOBODY, disappears just becoz of studying lah. What a fucking lame excuse. Yah ~ concentrate on studies, minimze contact... that one still acceptable... but a total disappearance is just ridiculous. Well, pardon me, have been exposed to so much bullshit these days that any hint of bullshit just kinda pushes me off the edge. And yes, if you still don't get what I mean, am saying that that is fucking bullshit. Might as well tell me, need to concentrate on studies... don't do anything else except study & the basic survival actions like eating & sleeping. Know anyone who really does that? I don't.

Ehh... I don't really care if u get angry with me. I just have to say this. Coz I view u as a friend... and I believe that friends should be frank with each other no matter what. So... *takes a deep breath* What the fuck has gotten into you manx? You are gonna WAIT for her for 4 fucking mths with no contact whatsoever? Jeez ~ yes yes, I know u are in love with her... but HELLO?! Yah lah ~ this is pretty much none of my business, plus I dunno her personally so I really have no right to judge... but seriously, do give it some thought manx. Think about the incredulity of her actions b4 u decide to waste 4 mths of ur time.

Find urself in a hole? STOP DIGGING GODDAMNIT!!

Phew. Done. Kk, if u want, u can shoot me back on ur blog... shoot me on my tagboard... shoot me when u see me online... shoot me when u see me irl. Whatever lah, I know I get myself into this kinda crap oso so u have the right to slam me if u wanna. I dun care. Just my $200 worth (yes, it is worth more than 2 fucking worthless cents).

2007-07-26T03:35:00.000+08:00

3:17am. Great. Itz been more than 36 hours since I last woke up. Which means... I haven't actually slept since then - not counting those short period of times when I actually passed out for like 1-2hrs due to the opening of the "black hole". Frankly I don't know why the fuck am I still not asleep at this time. I did tell myself... when I come back frm tuition, just have dinner & watch RAW then get some rest. But nooooooooo ~ RAW ended more than 3hrs ago. Am fucking tired rite now, but somehow I'm unwilling to sleep. But I suppose I would... just need to rant a little b4 I do. Well ~ my evil twin just went to take his nap, and judging from his mood these days, I don't think I wanna unload all these little grumbles to him.

*sigh* Humans will be humans afterall. Everyone is affected by the same thing - the mind vs heart thing. Gahhh ~ thatz the worst kinda dilmena that anyone can face. Jeez ~ and I can do nothing to help him I guess. Yeah... I do feel a little guilty at that, being unable to improve his mood and all... considering that he's always been the one who saves me from the brink of insanity when I get trapped in those kinda situations.

Thinking about it... well, yeah. I've blogged about it b4. Mind vs Heart. No matter which you choose, u'll end up the fucking loser. I'm the kind who listens to my heart more often and not... then I end up hating myself for losing my pride. Just recently, I listened to my brain. Though technically it wasn't me who ended things. I gave up trying as well. I told myself to let go. And yeah, as expected, I'm feeling a twinge of regret. The regret of not knowing what the outcome would have been if I pushed on further. I don't know which is worse - hanging on to something that is hopeless or giving up on hope totally.. Either way, I feel like slamming my head against the wall... or slamming the wall against my head.

Maybe that's the reason y I'm still awake at this hour. I'm tired. I can sleep. Due to some reason either unknown or I simply refuse to acknowledge (probably the later), I just dun wanna.

Gahhh... this is fucking deadly. When I don't sleep enough, I don't have the strength to rein all those emotions in. On the other side of the coin, it's those fucking emotions that prevent me from getting ample sleep in the 1st place. Yet another bloody full circle. Block block block block block. How long can I keep this pretense that everything is okay? Yah lah ~ everything seems okay on the surface... I can block it now and then... but too often, it resurfaces. And everytime it reappears, the gets harder to surpress it. Bury something, and when it returns, it returns together with everything else that has been surpressed in the past - the effects stack, geddit? Give in, you say? Yeah ~ if I do that I don't think there'll even be shards of myself left for anyone to pick up in the aftermath.

No alcohol. Not tonite. Too dangerous.

I think I'm gonna follow my nemesis' example & try get some shut eye.

F**k... he couldn't sleep either.

2007-07-24T06:28:00.000+08:00

Don't ask me why I'm up at this hour. It was never my intention. Admittedly, I was playing Guitar Hero & Guitar Hero Encore earlier... but I turned off the PS2 about 1hr ago already - after getting stuck @ some song on the later. Gahh!! Now my hand is starting to hurt all over again. Anyway ~ inspiration struck earlier... so I decided to continue with the Untitled short story that I have been attempting to write since May. Here it is ~

:: Chapter VI ::

Itz been a long time since anyone updated Project Misfits anyway. I don't really have anything of subtance I wanna say though. My latests posts are either ramblings to distract myself from reality, trying to bury all those emotions (as usual); or well... come to think of it, there's nothing but ramblings all this while.

Been a week now... and I still feel !#%*#&~

Manx... when will this ever pass? I keep telling myself that I should get my lazy ass moving, but I simply ain't in the mood to do anything except sit down and decompose. Hell... I'm even slacking like crazy on RO lately, after hitting that lv 99. I dunno. Itz just no mood I suppose. I sit down & do nothing for a moment & my thoughts go haywire... there are too many things I miss, I guess... but if I just do anything for the sake of doing something... I just do it mindlessly. Itz alredi taking all my willpower to drag myself outta the house for those tuition lessons. No choice - I gotta keep some kinda income, no matter how paltry, flowing in somehow *sigh* At this rate, it seems I'm gonna just wallow in this cesspit I've dug for all eternity.

Words hurt. They really do. Yah yah, I'm just being a sensitive little idiot. But know what? Everything I do is just mere distraction for me now.

It just seems as if... I really should be careful what I ask for.

2007-07-23T16:27:00.000+08:00

Hmmm updated my game list ^-^ Decided to relegate Silent Hill 3 from "in progress" to "in queue" instead - considering that itz been so long since I last played it, I'll probably have to start all over from scratch. Yeah thatz the damn problem when too many games are played @ the same time. You forget what the storyline was about & you forgot where u last stopped. Someday I'm gonna restart Kingdom Hearts II as well. As for Grandia XTreme, it'll probably end up in my "trash list" sooner or later - didn't like the gameplay... especially the junctioning of mana eggs. Pooh ~ thatz so different frm the other titles in the Grandia series. Ah well ~ anyway think am gonna just continue with Kingdom Hearts II. Well, not really my kinda game, but since there's alredi a saved game in my mem card... there are only 2 options: continue from there or del the save file, considering that the person who started it will probably nvr resume it here anymore. I chose the former. Played for a bit earlier, and yeah... am kinda enjoying it so far. It'll be a break between those Wild Arms 3 dungeon crawls /gg

Gahhh I want my Guitar Hero II back!! Goddamit! I just hate it when folks borrow stuff and take longer than promised to return it. Hence instead of trying out the songs on Expert mode last nite, I ended up playing TMNT2 with my bro. Bleah ~ whatever it is, am looking forward to moving back to Bugis. At least there'll be someone gaming with me... plus we gonna have 2 sets so there's no need to rush when we wanna play individual games @ the same time. So many games, so little time. pfftttttt ~

Shit. Still gotta get a job -.-"

2007-07-22T06:28:00.000+08:00

Been a very long time since I had this f**king much to drink. Itz a wonder that I still managed to stay like 80% sober. No kidding. When I was younger... yeah, this is like something that happens almsot every week. Use d to go Shooters aeons - just me, a friend & his gf and the 3 of us will finish an entire tequila bottle everytime we go. After that came an "intensive" period of clubbing. Imagine: Tues - Boat Quay, Wed - Zouk, Thurs - Dbl O, Fri - Phuture, Sat - Sparks, Sun - Boat Quay. Incredible it may seem but I was clubbing 6x a week & juggling school + part-time work @ the same time. Wonder how did I get thru that. But then again... I was only like 19 then, in the prime of life. Now... lol... now am just on the decline. So I was kinda surprised that I didn't knock myself out with all that martell + green tea earlier.

No more dancing for me though. I can no longer move. Am simply content to just sit around, chat & slack... or amuse myself with watching others dance. Hmmm ~ guess thatz just normal as age starts to catchup. Another reason is probably... those clubbing kakis from back then have gotten attached, started to settle down... so they aren't too keen about those kinda activities anymore. Then again... well maybe the real reason is coz I lost interest in all that "partying". Face it. Itz the same thing day after day, week after week at the club. Females flirting with males & males trying to score. See that too often, and it makes you wonder... if there's any decent person out there anymore. Lolx.

Anyway ~ itz still cool chilling out with friends from time to time. Itz a friend's bday... poor guy, got himself woozy after being "forced" by the the other guys to consume drink after drink. Lol, if I had drunk that much, I think I would just pass out. ookie... pass out. Yeah that sounds like a good thing to do rite now... which is what I'm gonna do. The main reason y I logged on is just to see if someone's online on MSN. Seems like he isn't... so there ain't much of a point for me to stay much longer. Yeah I'ma just gonna go faint.

Zzzz....

2007-07-21T14:14:00.000+08:00

"If you don't like this place, fly away." - Chika Akatsuki, Zombie Loan.

Sounds like wake-up calls are directing themselves to me... some way or another. Trying to get me to snap outta my self-induced limbo. Yeah ~ I suppose what Chika & Shito says make sense when u think of it. Living w/o purpose, w/o direction, w/o motivation... that'll make me no better than a zombie. In that case, wouldn't I be better off dead like some others that I know? Gahhh I am just one fucking ball of contradiction. On one hand, I condemn those who give up too easily... on the other hand, I'm not that much different. Perhaps the reason y I condemn those other folks is coz I see much of myself reflected in them. All that pessimism. All that... lack of action. Recognising a problem & yet refusing to face up to it... hiding in a corner, hoping that it'll simply go away by itself.

And obviously, problems just don't vanish. I don't have some guardian angel that will simply make things okay. I don't deserve that. I have to find some way... some way to be my own guardian angel - be it an angel of death. I must somehow erase the word "cannot" from my vocabulary. I must try... no fuck... I must do what I must do. Fine, I might die someday. Everyone does eventually... but while I'm still alive. I have to live on. Itz just Life afterall. Everyone gets thru' it in the End. So what the fuck am I doing allowing Me to decompose this way? *bangs head on wall*

Bleahhhh gotta break free of all these chains that bind me. To think that I'm the one who bound myself in the 1st place. Crap crap crap!! All this nonsense MUST end. And I swear it WILL end.

But first... I got a composition to work on /swt. Push that off anymore... and itz just gonna be yet another sleepless night for me. Pigs like me require 10hrs of snooze. Been getting only 4-5 the past couple of days... hunting for headgear making items & power levelling. And yeah, simply just spending time chatting with the other guildies while vending on my alchemist. Hmm... so what did I accomplish from all that? Ehhhh nth much, except that me and DP made it to lv 99 yesterday within a short time from each other!! Wooohoooo!! The only pity was that I had to leave for one of my tuition classes... so I couldn't be there when he got his aura - damnit, sonny was the 1st one to see DP's. Got the notification via SMS though, so it ain't all that bad afterall. Heh heh... I won the race anyway XD

Just check out that aura manx... wahahahahah. Next task, to somehow get Euranna to transendance. Manx that is one hell of a road >=D

2007-07-20T02:04:00.000+08:00

So it should be written... so it should be done. Every Beginning has an End. Finally itz over. Hence I shall close another chapter in this story of my Life. Won't say that it was a 100% desirable ending, but guess it was the best one @ this point of time. Emotions are gonna be on a roller coaster for the nxt couple of days, maybe weeks... even for today, it fluctuates between frustration, anger and a weird feeling of hmm... I dunno... something like regret? But itz nothing that I can't handle. Those emotions aren't new to me. Nothing that a session on RO or some anime can't mute I suppose.

Yeah ~ rite now, my guild keeps me sane, by the crazy things they do [how ironic]. I suppose... with them around, there's nothing I can't bury. Yeah, I know the guild ain't gonna last forever - we'll probably move on to other games in time... even now, DP is telling me he got accepted into some new game closed beta... but at this point of time, am just so thankful that they are part of my life (even though they don't know it!!). That online family... well just put it this way, it may just be a game, but the feelings involved are real enough. Can't really call it "love", but at the very least, some form of "friendship", "comradeship"... whatever u wanna call it.

Now some screenies of our latest... mess.

Monster massacre in DB Arena

And the destruction continues...

Taking a break in between...

*nod nod* Especially my nemesis & sonny. Yeah... seriously I wouldn't know what I'd do w/o them. They just seem to have a knack of being around when I logon in a bad mood - with the former being more often than the later. Guess there are some things in Life that I can still be thankful for... and that just serves as a little reminder. *shrugx*

Well ~ went to JB awhile earlier... and... uhmm... ended up with even MORE rpgs. I know I know, I shouldn't... but it was too tempting to pass up. Gahhh ~ anyway I feel like kicking myself in the ass rite now. The store was closing, so I didn't have much time to browse. Grabbed just a few titles that I thought I would be interested in w/o even reading the descrption behind (yeah those games were on my "to check out list" anyway)... and guess what? Only in the car, did I realise one of the games had a cover that was totally in Japanese. Language says "Japanese" too. Came home, loaded it into my PS2... and yeah. Japanese. How the f**k am I supposed to play an RPG in Jap?! yah lah ~ I should have enough command of the language to navigate the options, menu and all... but the storyline will be so lost to me manx. 2 options: either f**k the game or study like mad & pray that by the time I get to playing it, I'll understand at least 80% of whatz going on.

Note to self: nxt time go JB, go earlier.

2007-07-18T22:15:00.000+08:00

Waited an entire day for an SMS that never came. Guess it'll probably never come & things will just end up hanging in mid-air. *shrugx* So why the fuck am I still waiting? Maybe coz I simply detest it when things just don't have a proper conclusion? Well... face it lah. Even when u watch a movie, do u like those kinda "wtf... no ending" kinda ending? Everything that has a beginning must have an end. Then perhaps ~ maybe it is coz this never had a proper beginning in the 1st place... hence the WTF ending. Gahhh... or maybe itz just me thinking too highly of myself - actually thinking that others owe me a closure of some kind. Maybe I should join the ranks of those who desperately need glasses or a new mirror.

2007-07-18T19:33:00.000+08:00

I cut myself. The cut bled. But it didn't hurt at all. Weird. Pain is a natural human sense, isn't it? Does that mean I'm becoming less human day after day? Maybe the pain will come later, when I shower & wash my hair. Pffftttt ~ nah it wasn't self-multilation, though the tempation is still there. It was an accidental cut. Was trying to take out a new pair of lenses & the plastic holder was sharper than I thought. Then again... itz probably coz I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing coz my mind was elsewhere. Sheesh... I can't seem to concentrate properly these days. Even during hunting/levelling, my mind drifts away. Sooner or later, am just gonna kill myself on the road. Hopefully when that happens, I wouldn't know what hit me. Yah lah I dun wanna go thru' that kinda pain b4 I die lah!! ^^

2007-07-17T17:23:00.000+08:00

千年之恋 - Shin

Anyone happens to have the mp3 or lyrics to that song? Heard it at a ktv session last weekend and it kinda grew on me ^^ Googled it but nothing turned up except the F.I.R. song of the same title. Damn. Itz just gonna be more difficult searching for it at home considering that Phoenix can't display Chinese fonts.

Anyway... 7 TMers happened to be online @ the same time earlier so we went for MVP hunting - 6 of us turned up eventually: 2 sin X, 1 clown, 1 priest, 1 blacksmith & 1 creator. Killed Orc Hero & Pheeroni easily enough but when we decided to go for Dark Lord, it was a massacre. Died almost 5 x each... but eventually, after many ressurections, it was still the AD strikes that saved the day. ROFL. Guess that was still way beyond our league, despite the majority of us being 2-2 classes & lvl 90+. Then again, perhaps we were just lacking the main swordsman & mage classes. Hmm... too bad our sage wasn't online. With spell breaker we could have stood a better chance for sure.

Gotta find some way to improve my mdef - 1 meteor strike & I'm as good as dead. Pffttttttt ~ that really sux big time. How am I ever gonna take part in WoE this way?! Lolx come to think of it, how many of us are gonna survive WoE, assuming that we are awake to fight in the 1st place. Ah well ~ should start building up my in game bank account for better eq. Been spending too much time on headgear items instead -.-"

Jeez ~ am kinda woozy now but can't seem to fall asleep. Guess I'll just turn in early tonite then. That is if I can resist logging on. Logon, see guildies on, it'll be as good as yet another sleepless night. Woke up too early this morning @ 9:30am. Was just half-kidding when I told DP to wake me up at that time (coz I had to get my bro outta bed for work), and it was kinda surprising that he actually remembered & sent the SMS that jerked me outta dreamland. lol guess now I know who I can count on to wake me up when I really need it in the future. Aarrgghhh with all this international SMSing, my bill is gonna kill me this mth =X

*shrugx* Maybe Life is just a game afterall. Itz just a shame that this game doesn't come with cheat codes. Was talking about that with Malao just last nite. Lolx ~ yeah it'll be ironic... if I finally get a job & I die b4 the day I'm supposed to start work. If that happens, there is really one huge joker out there. Wonder if I'll end up laughing it off. Hmm... maybe I should just laugh everything off too - especially my so-called "love life". It just seems like one huge joke when I look @ it from a 3rd person's point of view. Well ~ u can say that it ain't my fault if the other party is the one who screws up... but guess what? It is my fault for not choosing my companions wisely... it is my fault for listening to my heart more than my brain... and it is my fault for allowing myself to get messed up this way.

tabun atashi wa honto no baka ne? rofl

Whatever manx. The only thing I can say rite now is... GG.

2007-07-16T17:30:00.000+08:00

Awwww all my children have grown up one after another and gotten married themselves within days of each other T.T lolx ~ sonny finally wed with Maro about 2 days ago & baby found herself m!even just earlier today!! Hahah baby's wedding was a "grand" affair it seems... coz there were so many of us TMers online @ the same time. Compared to sonny's wedding - when I was the only guest & my own - with 0 guests (or rather, one that came after everything was over) hahaha. Anyway they weren't too lucky due to some server bugs. Had to register 3x before it succeeded. Ohhh one cool thing, baby's real life dad actually started to play the game too!! Added him to the guild earlier... finally I ain't the oldest one ard /gg

:: Wedding of baby & m!even ::

[from left - on bench]: Erulisse, DP II, sonny, maro, led

Finally the priest speaks...

Ahhhh enough about this non-reality. Been waiting for response from an interviewer since 2 weeks ago and my phone still isn't ringing!! *sigh* Guess I should just forget about it and look for something else. Damn. Once again I raised my hopes too high, thought that I had like 75% chance of snagging this one... only to be disappointed when the 25% came true instead. Gahhh this is even more sian than hunting for rare drops on RO!! No idea why but I just fuck up interviews. Have never been a "people person" anyway. Damn it's alredi mid-July. How the hell am I supposed to make it to Japan by April nxt year? Plus I can't wait to just move outta Bt. Panjang back to Bugis. Can't do that yet if I'm still running around the NW area for tuition (oil prices are rising again !#*%#).

Must try harder!!! *kicks self in the ass*

Anyway ~ am impressed by myself. Was clearing a few of my drawers earlier - and there are more to come, and found stuff that I don't even remember existed!! Plus there were stuff that had been there so long till they uhmm kinda disintegrated by themselves. Lolx, it was a trip down memory lane too though... old photographs, old letters from people in the past, old idol cards, dragonball cards... even my old diaries from when I was back in secondary school!! omfg!! Hahaha imagine what I used to like back then. Gee. And there was this entire stack of pictures of Nicky Wu [yeah the guy from Xiao Hu Dui]. My goodness. Had to dump alot of stuff... just can't keep all that rubbish much longer but those pictures... uhmm.. those pictures I'm gonna keep. Somehow, I dunno how, I still find him cute after all this while. Manx... my room really needs a deco makeover. This time, b4 I stick pictures up anywhere, am gonna laminate them so they don't yellow, fade or tear in time. Plus it'll be easier to remove them when I tire of looking @ the same stuff day in and out - yes I am fickle.

Gahhh why do I find it so hard to throw things away? I had to steel myself to dump some stuff into the bin. I'm just a bloody pack rat after all. No wonder my RO kafra is always full *mumbles* Lesson learnt: the lesser cupboards/drawers = less stuff = better.

2 more drawers to go.

2007-07-13T18:13:00.000+08:00

Sakuya Rei Nightwind & Ryosuke

Yatta!! A knight I am now ^^ At Lv. 70, seems I progressed pretty fast... considering I only created her like yesterday? rofl... and in between all that levelling, managed to finally create my Zealotus mask + cruch toast (that the knight is using). Hmm... yeah to be frank, am pretty free these days. My class schedule ain't as heavy as it used to be *shrugx* makes it easier to quit when I finally get something certain though.

Gahhh ~ ganbatte o shinakerebanaru!! Mou jikan ga nai yo ~ Rainen wa, Nihon e ikitai - atashi no "goshujin" to isshoni... hai, saigo no kakikomi shashin no naka ni ano otoko no hito XD Sakura o mitai. Kareshi to aitai. ii nozomi da to omou. Mou hitotsu shashin o misebirakasu... atashi no ansatsusha to kareshi no shipo. Kawaii darou??

Talk about being condemned to Hell ^^

Hai hai... moshikashite itsuka kareshi ga honto no hore ni suru. Kore wa, ima no atashi zenzen wakaranai. Demo... shiawase ni naritai.

2007-07-12T04:15:00.000+08:00

Wheeeee!! Sonny proposed and Maro accepted!! Plus he managed to raise the zeny earlier... so it'll mean that the wedding is gonna take place really soon ^^ Baby's coming back on RO by this weekend and she's gonna finally meet her new brother. Awesome!! *grins* Am back to being a pauper though... blew 10mil on Morrigane's manteau the night before. Had to sell tons of things in Kafra to raise that amount. But ah well ~ just let me finish up making some of those headgear that I wanna then I'll camp in Gonyrun for a couple of dayz to earn all that back. Soon... soon I'll start my 4th Nightwind - a swordie this time XD

Amatsu de sakura o mite'ru

Yeah ~ ain't that beautiful? Sakura blossoms. Well... with much luck, I'll find a job soon, and that will take place in real life next year =) Yesshhh my short-term goal is to take a trip to Japan come April 2008. Should I get a job within this mth, it wouldn't be a problem. The only difference from the screenie will be... irl, I won't have that Devi & we wouldn't be dressed up that funny hahaha. But yeah am sure itz gonna be just as cool.

2007-07-10T12:13:00.000+08:00

Unofficially adopted another "kid" on EbilRO earlier. Kev. A son this time. A recently reborn sinX. Lolx, wonder how did that happen... coz he was supposed to be a pet not a kid!! *shrugx* His logic was... pets tend to look upon their human owners as their parents [according to something he watched on Discovery channel] so he started calling us "mom" & "daddy" too. rofl. Wait till baby comes back from California and sees this. /gg earlier, me & DP were trying to matchmake the other guildies as well. Itz gonna be fun if they take up our suggestion & all get married @ the same time. But it'll be pretty troublesome to co-ordinate the hours, since we are from all over the place. Lolx, chances are low though ^^

Anyway... screenie time [again].

Elarinya & sonny when he was still a Thief High

Eruanna & sonny - SinX finally!!

Yeah sue me. Am just trigger happy in game /gg Such an irony considering that I barely take photographs of myself irl. *shrugx* Blame it on a low self esteem I suppose. I just don't like the way I look... but since I ain't gonna do much about it, guess I'll just live with it and try not to look into the mirror that often. I still remember one of those stupid personality tests taken that night - about the 7 sins. I rated 100% on Envy. Seems that I'm a person who can never be satisfied no matter what. Maybe I'm just a damned perfectionist. But u know what, I just don't see how others can have something and I don't. Hence I tend to set certain "standards" on myself and people around me. In the process of doing so, I lose control... but well, thatz just the way I am & I dun really wanna change that much. If others can't take it, then they can jolly well f**k off I suppose.

So there.

Hmm... what was it I wanted to blog on Sunday nite? Well ~ am kinda filled with nothing but rage rite now so I guess I'd betta keep that all in for the moment... just in case I blurt out something that I regret. Yeah I could always delete the post, but at times it might just be too late. Anyway it ain't something I can't handle [I hope]... so somehow I'll get thru' this though rite now ain't in the best of moods. At least I regained my appetite. The only problem now is... how do I sleep w/o alcohol or having to stay up so late till I knock myself out. Coz once I lie down, I think... and when I think... I don't sleep. Kinda sucky huh?

*sigh* Paranoia? Over-thinking? Whatever you label it manx. I know what I feel and it doesn't feel too good. *shrugx* Back to RO.

2007-07-09T16:03:00.000+08:00

I love you, Chester!!! ^-^

2007-07-09T00:37:00.000+08:00

Itz been almost 36hrs since I've been awake. Gawd knows what I'm still doing online. There's so much inside me that I wish to blog about. Was thinking about it on the bus ride home... while I was freezing in the air-conditioning coz recklessly, I decided to take a stroll in the rain. *shrugx* The cold droplets of water were refeshing. It always feels that way when I'm feeling down. Pls just don't ask me why I'm down. Itz just the same ol' confusion that doesn't seem to go away. Yeah ~ there's just so much I wanna blog... and I know the words will flow if I let them. And so were the tears. I am proud of myself. Thanks to the sheer force of my will, I didn't break down in public though it was really tempting to just give into those surging emotions. But I am stronger than that.

It'll be a literally beautiful entry if I should continue blogging down that path. I always write better when I'm depressed. I wonder if this is what depression feels like. But once again, I shall stop myself. Coz I know itz just gonna be yet another destructive post. There's no anger. Just this lingering pain... and numbness that threatens to overwhelm me. Yes. Rest is what I need. Rest is what I'll continue to deprive myself of - at least for another hour or so. I will not rest till I catch the Live Earth concert clips of LP.

I didn't manage to earlier. Had to scoot for Jap class @ 4pm. Guess DP was thankful for that, coz I was repaying the favour of him keeping me up the previous night. With me having to logoff, there was nothing else to bug him to stay awake. He must have gone to sleep... and by now, he should have gone to work. Guess I won't be seeing him for quite sometime... coz after this I'll be entering a short phase of physical hibernation. Yeah. I intend to catch a 12hr snooze after LP.

Will leave the blogging till tomorrow... when my eyelids don't feel this heavy... and when I can think a little more clearly. Yeah... chances are I'll totally lose this "feeling" by then. But somethings won't change. I just know it. But it's fine. I'll deal with it. Like I always do. Somehow.

And after I've recovered physically - from this lack of snooze & from the flu, I shall begin the healing of my very soul.