Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Monday, September 08, 2008

"1,063 Posts, last published on Jul 11, 2008"

Those words greeted me when I logged on.

Itz been a while it seems. Sep 8, 2008 today. Got curious & read the last 2 posts of mine. Rofl apparently things don't change much. I disappear for a bit, I get back to blogging again. I wonder why. I dun even know if anyone reads this blog anymore. Guess it doesn't matter. It seems like I'm writing for the sake of writing. I've always loved writing.

There was once in my Life, I did think I'd grow up to be a writer.

Here I am now. I'll be 27 @ the end of this year. All grown up I suppose. Bahhh fck, this seems to gonna be all that self-pity again. That stinks. I'm going on to 27.

What should "regular" people be doing at this point of their lives. Well... let me see.

I've got friends who have already tied the knot. Some, well, they have been together with their significant other for so goddamned long that it seems as if they are married anyway lol. I've got friends who are already parents themselves. Friends about to be parents.

Myself? I've been so fcking lazy with all that procrastination that I haven't even gotten my divorce legalised yet. Oh yeah sure, I've moved out. I have yet to unpack the boxes totally though. I met up with a long-time friend last week, and the question that was asked was - what the hell am I waiting for? Gah! To be frank? I dunno. Just wat the fck am I waiting for? It's not as if I'm still feeling all sentimental and somehow hoping that there's still a chance that the r/s is gonna work out. I'm not that pathetic. Oh yeah, it'll be great to have someone significant in my life... but know what? I just ain't that lucky.

The same friend too mentioned something. About the thought that there's someone for everyone out there. What did I think about that? Well ~ the little girl still in me somewhere clings on to the fairytale that yes, there IS someone out there for me. Someone among the sea of people. Someone whom I'm destined to be with. Someone that will somehow cross my path someday & I'd know it when it happens. You know, it'd be really sweet if that was true. The mere thought of love at 1st sight, then a happy ever after. I'd like to believe that. Really.

But Life just doesn't wrk that way, does it?

I ain't even gonna go into the part whereby... I don't have a career. Oh, wait a second. I don't even have a fcking job rite now, much less a career. I'm in all aspects, nth better than a bummer. *sigh* I just dun wanna think about that rite now.

Why am I writing? I don't know. I guess I'm writing coz I want to. I'm writing coz, I dunno... I'm writing coz I wanna make sense of how a movie can actually make me use up like 1 pkt of tissue paper. FFS. I'm so damn thankful that I didn't watch it in the cinema. I'd have made a perfect fool of myself imo. I dunno. It just pressed the sensitive button I suppose. Or perhaps, it's becoz of what I've experienced the past few years that made me soft like this. Lolx ~ now I'm just starting to sound like a total loser. But hell... I know what I feel. It just made me cry and smile @ the same time. Perhaps the reason y it did, is coz, it seems that it's telling me, there is still hope in this world. That things will get better somehow.

Besides... as mentioned near the end of the 2hr long film. There are many different kinds of love out there. And the part that makes the most sense - no one really gets through this Life alive.

Oh!! The title of the movie?

P.S. I Love You.

Shady self-destructed @ 03:59

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

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