Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Monday, June 02, 2008

I hope I don’t end up losing a friend.

Guildie of mine was really down yesterday… he said that his gf, also in TM, is leaving him – that she is not returning to Sydney becoz she doesn’t feel the same way anymore, and haven’t been feeling that way for quite sometime. I dunno what exactly took place, and apparently Lewie has no idea either coz Aeld refused to tell him what was wrong. I won’t go into further details as this matter is not my own… and it’s pointless speculating either (though I have this inkling that WoW has a part in all this). All I care to say is… he has this suspicion for a while, and back then I was trying to tell him to look towards the bright side & not to fear for the worst. That was a white lie on my part. I contemplated telling him what I really thought… but since the picture I have in my head is just as bleak as his is, I decided against it. I wonder… if it’s wrong of me to lie in such situations. I know that deep down inside he still has a certain amount of hope, and I ain’t gonna dump cold water on that, and potentially make things worse.

I’m worried about Lewie. Am afraid that he would do something disastrous. He was telling me last nite, on top of a mushroom in Zanga, that it’ll be good if he’d just go out for a drive & crash in the process… then he won’t have to worry about anything anymore. *sigh* I remember having similar thoughts not too long ago. All I could do was tell him that the r/s is not 100% over, and that there’s still a chance that they would work things out. I didn’t believe what I said to him at all. Usually, when a girl decides to leave & didn’t mention a reason… well… it’s probably a problem that has existed for quite sometime – only that the guy didn’t notice by failing to pick up the subtle hints the girl sends. Of coz, there’s always the nasty idea that Aeld has found someone else. I dun wanna think about that. The impression I have of Aeld is that she’s a really nice girl. I don’t wanna start thinking that she’s a slut or something. Anyway, we talked for a bit before Lewie logged off to sleep – though am pretty sure he’ll get no rest that night.

That isn’t the worrying part. I don’t think he’ll do anything extreme last nite. What am worried is that he might not ever come on again. He mentioned that he’ll be taking a break from WoW for a indefinite period of time & that he might not even be on MSN anymore as he probably won’t be able to afford the Internet now that he has to bear the full cost of the rentals & car installments. I asked him to drop me an SMS or something, to let me know he’s okay. He said he might not even be able to pay the phone bill. I just hope that he doesn’t really mean that. I'll hate it if someone simply vanishes from my life just like that. Friends that drift apart is another thing altogether... this is different. Despite knowing him for less than a year, I know this is one friend who is worth retaining. I just hope he’ll be alright. It sux that there’s no way for me to find out. Damnit, I don’t even know his real name. All I know is that he’s from Sydney & that he's studying & wrking @ the same time.

Gahhhhh I really hope he'll be alright... to at least be on MSN even if not on WoW. A healer on WoW can be replaced, a friend... no way.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:59

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

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