Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Friday, May 30, 2008

Decision made. Itz one tooth, then the other. The 1st surgery is scheduled for 11/6/2008, 11am. Tuesday. Shame that the dentist isn’t available on a Monday – was hoping to make full use of the 5 days MC, and a pity that there aren’t any open slots earlier. Was hoping to get this over and done with asap… then move on to the right tooth before it further damages my molar. Yeah eventually I’ll have to do a root canal or something to repair the molar too… but that’ll have to be way after the removal of both teeth. *sigh* This ain’t the 1st time my teeth is causing money to be burnt. I still remember the braces back then in poly - that was another amazingly expensive thingy, and another nightmare itself Zzz

35min more b4 I can go home. Am simply blogging just to make time “pass more quickly”. I just wanna go home to WoW. Have got plans for this weekend for my many toons… and it includes setting up a guild of my own. A guild that shelters all my alts on Barth for the time being (until they get invites to others with pretty tabards). Hopefully I’ll manage to find ppl to sign the charter easily enough. It’ll mean that Kiandra will have to leave Front Line. Quite a shame since I like the tabard & the ppl there seem nice enough. /shrugx doesn’t matter… I barely took part in conversation and it’ll be a while before I’m gonna level the hunter. In fact, how often do I even logon the hunter to actually play? I will have to get her to lv 70 eventually, I suppose, for enchanting purposes. So many toons, so little progression. When will TM ever move out from Karazhan!? T.T

Main reason y I wanna set up this guild is storage management. Got the idea from a blog I read recently. The guild bank will serve as a shared bank between my toons, making it easier to track my items. Another bonus is, between the lowbies, it’ll save a considerable amount of postage. I might contemplate deleting Tiny after this bank is set up… but current intentions are for Tiny to be the guild master, complete with a tuxedo ^-^ Am thinking of opening up 2 bank tabs 1st… but am not sure. It’ll depend how much it costs for one coz the priority for my gold now is Aina’s epic flight mount. Come to think of it, the gb will be a nice version of a shared “savings account” between the lower toons too!

With all that planning going on, makes me wonder if Aina will ever move outta Barth. Am tempted, really. I wanna go over to Dreadmaul to join the former STDers for guild progression. They are venturing into Gruul’s this Sun, then ZA on Mon. Their typical Kara run is 3hrs, full-clear. Compared to what TM is doing… that’s a huge leap. Am tempted to just leave Eru to decompose on Barth & concentrate on Aina. She’s supposed to be my main afterall =) Ah well… will see how things go. Once I’ve got another farm toon to replace Aina on Barth, there won’t be a reason for her to stay there anymore (except maybe leatherwrking items - but that isn't that huge an issue coz I can always buy the leg armor frm AH).

Ah well... time to go home ^-^

Shady self-destructed @ 18:01

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

This is… undesirable. An upcoming blow to my pocket that I can afford, yet wish I could avoid. I have yet to give up the thoughts of studying Veterinary Science despite the seemingly insurmountable odds (that, I’ll mention later in the post) & any action that requires depleting those already insufficient funds is totally fcked up. Anyway, the monetary issue facing me right now. I am due for “minor surgery”. It’s no big deal. It shouldn’t be life-threatening. There is a 1% risk of complication that may result in temporary and permanent nerve damage, but it’s a risk that has to be taken. It is a necessary procedure that can’t be avoided. Yeah sure, pain will be involved. It will have to be tolerated then. Considering that it’s merely physical, it shouldn’t be too bad. But bah! Wish I don't have to do it.

Kk, enough of all that dramatisation. It's simple - I went to the dentist today T.T

Took time off from work (which means I’ll probably have to put up a show and tolerate for another 1/2hr per day for the rest of this week) to make the trip down to Midpoint Orchard earlier today coz the left bottom wisdom tooth has been annoying me since a week ago. I initially brushed it off as the usual irritation that takes place now and then – the tooth is ½ covered by my gum & infection is bound to occur on and off – and waited for it to simply go away. It didn’t, and it got worse. The swelling is annoying, my throat hurts and I can’t even open my mouth in a wide yawn without flinching after. Well… at the worst case, I’ll end up having to remove the tooth. That’s what I thought.

Wrong. The x-ray revealed more pain ahead for me. The left bottom wisdom tooth has to be extracted for sure. And so does the right bottom one. WTF!! That was the 1st thought that sprang into my head. Yeah I knew that the right wisdom tooth is peeking out a little under the gum, but considering that it hasn’t brought me any discomfort till date, I totally ignored its existence. Never did I know, unknowingly, that little tooth has wrecked more damage than then one bothering me for so long. Jutting out a little, it exposed a gap, which is inaccessible to the toothbrush, between my right last molar & it, allowing food to enter and bacteria to form. The result was… my last right molar is showing signs of decay. Verdict: to save my last molar, to prevent the decay from getting worse, the wisdom tooth has to go.

It means 2 extractions instead of one. Wait, take that back. 2 minor surgeries instead of one – considering that the tooth isn’t full exposed so a regular extraction cannot be done. According to the dentist, the right wisdom tooth will be tricky. It will involve scraping the bone slightly due to its nasty position. After the tooth is gone & the wound is healed, only then will the dentist be able to try work on the decay of the last molar. *sigh* The human body is prone indeed. Medical problems just seem to arise as a person grows older. That sux.

The question facing me now is – should I extract them tooth by tooth, or should I just say fck it and do both @ the same time and get over with it. Colleagues & friends have mentioned that it’ll be very painful (pain is subjective) and that there’s a risk of excess bleeding… plus I won’t be able to eat for quite sometime. Well, just look at it this way. If I remove 1 tooth, I won’t be able to eat properly anyway. Might as well do 2 at the same time and suffer more. Question is – how bad is the pain exactly? Lolx ~ I did remove 2 pre-molars in one go during my poly years when I had braces, and the feeling stinks. The bleeding stopped only on the 3rd day and I had to tolerate a throbbing head for the 1st 2 days even with painkillers. Not to mention, I didn’t wanna eat. Those were only the pre-molars. These are the wisdom teeth.

Hmm… and there’s the MC issue too. Dentist mentioned that I’ll be granted 5 days MC when I remove the tooth. Should I be an ass & take 5 days… then another 5 days? Or should I be a good worker and minimize the amount of leave I’m gonna obtain? Oh yeah, I can actually be golden & schedule the procedure on a Friday, so the weekend will be included in my MC and technically I’ll be absent from work only for 3 days. On the other extreme, I can be a super asshole and schedule my surgery twice – both on Mondays… which will allow me a full week’s rest (I’ll do that if I’m extracting 2 at once for sure).

Bah! The x-ray further revealed that my top 2 wisdom teeth are out too. They just have yet to surface and are merely below the gum. Wth manx? Behold my immense wisdom! Bleah ~ currently they are not of any concern… my only hope is that they won’t emerge ever. Should they remain where they are, all will be good. I didn’t ask the dentist for a quote. I just know I won’t like the answer. Today’s consultation, inclusive of the x-ray and some cleaning of my bottom left tooth came up to $78. That isn’t good. I can expect a hefty medical bill for extracting both. Hmm… question is, will it be cheaper if I do one after another coz that can be done @ NTUC Denticare clinic; or will it be cheaper should I do both though that will require a specialist? I won’t be surprised if the bill comes up to nearly 1k. Medical bills are crazy. Doctors earn insane stacks of money - thatz y parents are always wishing that their kids either be doctors or lawyers.

Itz just a shame that I never had an interest in either of those fields. Or I should be sitting my fat ass on some comfy arm chair rite now, and able to afford those trips to far countries that I've always wanted to embark on.

I don’t know how much animal doctors earn. The paycheck doesn’t matter for that. I just hope it’ll be ample to cover the debt I’ll incur should I take the plunge. Met up with a local agent last weekend. Veterinary Science – a 5+1 year course. Estimated moolah for the entire duration, inclusive of living costs, school fees & books… etc: $380,000.00 after conversion to Sing dollars. Enough to purchase a HDB flat in Singapore for sure. That is should I take the Australian path. Did not inquire about the UK and US universities as I assumed they would be more expensivo. However – I recently ventured into SVA’s website and the estimated fees seemed cheaper for US options. Anyway, the amount is the problem. $380k. How the fck am I supposed to raise that amount? Gahhh I won’t even be able to do it even if I shld resort to prostitution (which I will NOT). Obtaining it from a loanshark is outta the question too.

Yeah, I can hear the word “bank loan”. It won’t be sufficient. Banks only grant up to $150k max for educational loans. That’ll mean I’ve to somehow regurgitate $230k on my own. University student pass holders are allowed to work 20hrs per week in Aussie. That will probably be sufficient to cover the rental weekly – assuming that I manage to find a lobang there. Parents are not supportive. I mentioned it casually to my dad, he simply brushed it aside w/o even showing a desire to help. All he said was – why don’t I go do a law degree locally instead? Fck it. Will not. Have already made the mistake of taking a Mass Comm degree that I didn’t utilize right now, won’t wanna waste more time doing a 2nd hated one.

Don’t get me wrong, am not expecting my parents to sponsor my education this time. They have already done their part in bringing me up and paying for my initial education (even though it turned out to be not what my heart desires). They have done so much for me so far, even offering to subsidize my upcoming divorce bills, and I don’t wish to ask them for more. They have savings, I know. But their savings are not for me to tap into. Their savings are for them to enjoy their golden years… and face it, it isn’t enough anyway. All I wished for was, their support in this matter – and perhaps any amount of help they can offer eg. suggestions to raising the funds, any financial bodies that they might know off… etc. Am kinda disappointed that all my dad did was flick the idea away.

Well, whatever. Guess I’m on my own on this matter. Thing now is I have simply no idea where to start looking and what to do 1st. *sigh* So many issues I gotta handle. Then there’s the divorce. I can’t procrastinate any further. I’ll have to start the ball rolling somehow, get things settled one at a time. Now I wonder if I should simply do the divorce @ my wrk place. Time to make some phone calls I suppose. Make that… loads of phone calls.

1st task to get outta the way - the wisdom teeth. The price of being... wise. ROFL

Shady self-destructed @ 17:28

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

S-T-R-E-S-S. Everyone complains of stress day in and out. Think I’m joining the ranks of the whiners sooner or later. I won’t complain of stress, yet… but @ this point of time, 3 aspects of my Life requires decisions.

1. Work

It’s funny that though I felt my patience was stretched to its limit, it still hasn’t snapped yet. I won’t deny it, am extremely frustrated during work hours. Root of the problem is that level ?? (boss) bitch. I thought it would improve after moving over to this new firm. It didn’t. Am not sure if it has gotten worse, or if my tolerance has gone down. It was mentioned that coming over, I will not have to handle certain files due to the availability of more experienced secretaries doing them. Well… bullshit. Am still handling litigation shit. The only difference now is, there are the old birds to help me with them – I always end up asking them how to do certain stuff instead… when that is actually the goddamned lawyer’s duty.

Plus I still gotta make drinks for that bitch every morning. Naturally I don’t even make them properly… I put as much milo powder as I feel like putting… as much water as I felt like pressing out frm the hot flask… etc. It was already unbearable at the old office. It is much worse there. Every other lawyer gets their own drinks. I am a legal secretary, not a personal assistant. Do u know how belittling that is – asking me to do such shit everyday? Why do I have to fcking wash her cup?! Why do I have to do her personal shit like filling up personal forms, writing an envelope for her… wad the fck manz? Disabled? Handicapped? Nbcb lah. I don't see her doing that to anyone else, just me. Is that coz I'm the one w/o experience so I'm the easiest target? OR is it becoz I'm frm her old firm & she probably thinks I won't protest? It's not that I don't mind. I DO fucking hell mind!!! ffs!!! I'm not here to be a maid... and having to multi-task this way is definitely not worth the stupid 1.2k take home pay per mth.

Last year it was different. I was stuck with financial commitments - thanks to the bastard. So I had no choice but to keep that temper in check and retain the job. But rite now... u know what? I don't really give a shit anymore. I am tempted to resign. I will resign. I just wonder if now is the right time to do so. Should I stay on for a couple more mths to make it look nicer on my resume? Should I even fucking care about that?

I will make my decision soon. Very soon. It'll depend on...

2. Overseas study: Veterinary Science

I’ve got an appointment with an overseas agent tml afternoon. I will find out more about the cost & procedures, the availability of study loans… etc. People might say that I’m making a very bad decision, should I decide to go for it, coz I’ll probably end up seriously in debt & paying off my study loan for a very long time. That was the factor of my initial hesitation. However, someone told me recently – that if it’s my dream… I shouldn’t be thinking “should I do it”, instead I should be thinking “how can I do it?”. It is tempting. To just take the plunge & do so, whatever the cost. As the person too mentioned, work is a huge part of life. Might as well do something I like when I’m still able to – instead of regretting like crazy when I’m way too old.

I’ve got a rough plan – speak to a consultant, take foundation studies in Singapore for the next year or so while wrking temp/contract to save up as much as possible, obtain a study loan and just… go for it. While over there, try find a part-time for the weekends & vacations to try pay off as much of my living costs as possible. *shrugx* I know it won’t turn out that easy… and it’ll mean having to give up most of my gaming hours, but guess that’s a price I’m prepared to pay.

So why am I bothered on this aspect? Well… I expect a lot of cold water being thrown on me in the near future – by family and “friends” alike. I just don’t know if I’ve got the energy to withstand all that.

3. World of Warcraft

The guild problem still exists. I don’t expect it to be settled any time soon, I just hope the GM will come online soon enough so we can take steps to rectify it. In the meantime, all I can do is keep reminding myself that I’ve given a deadline till the end of June for progression. Should that not take place by then… guess it’s goodbye.

Been unproductive for the past week – both for Eru & Aina. Well… for Eru it’s expected. There’s a chance only once a week for the shield to drop from NB. The guild isn’t progressing above that so anything above is 0%. Fine. For Aina, well, let’s just say ever since I hit lvl 70, my personal progression is pathetic. There already is a challenge finding a decent PUG – most often, a lot of time is wasted searching for a tank/healer. Then there’s no guarantee I won’t end up with an entire party of noobs. *sigh* Furthermore, I gotta ensure that I’m not a noob myself. My current spec is lousy for dps… I’ll respec probably later – more research & stuff to be done… etc. Not to mention, my luck remains lousy. My loot just refuses to drop. Pah!

So many things to do, check out... study... etc.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:15

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Been quite sometime since I watched any anime (yeah I gave up on Bleach after that Odex incident - too lazy to dl it frm a website & too many episodes... got kinda boring) or read any manga... till Tuesday. WoW server down, was contemplating on either playing Sims 2 or check out Oblivion that I borrowed last weekend. Thought to just sit back & relax a little 1st while having dinner so turned on my portable hdd. Selected [Tsubasa Chronicle]. There goes gaming for the nite. Lol yeah ended up watching ep after ep till I got bogged with so many MSN msgs tat I couldn't alt+tab & watch in peace. Stopped @ ep 6. And now, suddenly, am interested in watching anime all over again!! Not just [Tsubasa Chronicle] but am gonna try get my hands on all the other Clamp stuff as well. Am not just aiming for the anime, but pretty tempted to obtain the manga too (stuff in anime & manga have significant differences afterall) ^-^

Yeah I love Clamp. The 1st ever anime I watched frm them was X/1999 - the one that I daresay will remain in the top of my all-time fave anime list. I actually started with the manga. Itz a shame that it was discon @ vol 18.

Anyway, the main reason that sparked all this interest is the way [Tsubasa Chronicle] is. It features characters who are cross-overs from other Clamp anime.

When I watched the 1st ep, I felt that itz kinda interesting that the female lead is named Sakura & the male is Syaoran, and look like grown-up versions of them - names of the 2 mains in [Cardcaptor Sakura]. As the 1st ep progressed, am introducted to Yukito & The King who are CCS’s Sakura’s older brother & bro’s best friend. The relationship was also “continued” in [Tsubasa Chronicle]. As the story progressed, Sakura was found to possess some magical power, lost her memories & hence Yukito sent Syaoran & her to meet someone who can help. My eyes nearly popped when the Dimensional Witch they visited turned out to be Yuuko from [xxxholic]. I later found out thru’ a little surfing that [Tsubasa Chronicle] and [xxxholic] are linked – even their movies released @ the same time and had cross over scenes.

Note: Till this point of time, though I never really watched [Cardcaptor Sakura], just a few eps here and here on Sat morning cartoons back then, the characters were so distinct that it’s possible simply recognize them @ 1st glance. Also… am only at ep. 4 or 5 of [xxxholic].

By then I was starting to watch the anime with a raised eyebrow… and there was a scene that featured Fay D. Flowright (I can’t spell his name) sealing Ashura. The one who greeted him after he left the pool was none other than Chii, the pasocon from [Chobits]. Phew!!~! Then in Kurogane’s world… his princess Tomoyo. Itz like wtf… Tomoyo? The one from [Cardcaptor Sakura] LoL – since when did she become a princess?

The part that really got me captivated and determined to watch on… is when they went to the 1st world in search of Sakura’s memories. There, they were met by 2 ppl. Very familiar ppl. Sorata & Arashi – cross overs from [X/1999]. That pretty much sealed the deal, considering how much I adored [X/1999]. It was kinda… sweet to see that in this world, the pair are married and co-owning a boarding home. In [X/1999], Sorata’s death was one of the hardest to bear – namely coz he knew it from the start. His grandmother foretold that his death will be becoz of a girl. The minute Sorata met Arashi, he chose her & was eventually killed by taking a death-blow on her behalf, in the form of some “protector” thingy. So it just makes a person wonder – if this Sorata & Arashi are just versions of the one in [X/1999] in another world… or where they on the [X/1999] world and somehow Sorata came back to life after the death of Kamui. It is mentioned by Yuuko, that they may meet different versions of a person in different worlds. But ah well ~ guess they nvr verified which Sorata & Arashi those where (well maybe not yet considering am at ep 6 only), choosing to leave it up to the decision of the viewer.

In that particular world… everyone is able to use Kudan, some kinda internal force. Syaoran’s kudan when it 1st appeared looks somehow, familiar. It was only after Kurogane & Fay’s kudans were revealed that I realized where they were from. Rayearth, Windom & Celes, from [Magical Knight Rayearth]. Lolx ~ funny considering I never really watched MKR.

Anyway… thatz it. The end of ep. 6, they were teleported to yet another world. Am so gonna watch ep 7 while dinnering tonite & perhaps leaving my rogue or warrior on LFG.

Gahhh so many things to do on WoW. Rogue needs normal Mech, Arc, Bot, BM, SV & slabs while warrior needs heroics (esp MGT) and am tempted to just PUG for Gruul’s since my guild is taking forever to get there. Have set Zul’Aman for Sunday – I wonder who even has the balls to turn up. Most importantly, who will be there for Sat’s Karazhan. The turn-out is getting worse weekly. People just don’t bother to register for the raids… but turn up 45min – 1hr later asking whether there’s a spot. Obviously no. When I say 4pm ST, I will begin invites at 4pm ST sharp. If yer not there, I’ll turn to LFM to replace u. Pfffttttttt… have listed certain suggestions on TM’s forum. I think I’ll give TM another month or so, till the end of June. Should nth be done, no progress made by then… chances are, I'll leave. I’ll join a hardcore raid guild if I must. I just don’t want to be in Kara till WOLK comes out.

Just like in real life, friendship is one thing. No doubt, it is be the cherished & treasured. But having to sacrifice personal advancement in the name of friendship is illogical. Totally unacceptable. Friends should spur each other on to greater heights, not bog each other down.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:06

Monday, May 12, 2008

Am a little disappointed & annoyed with my guild after what transpired the last weekend *sigh*. Once again, the temptation of packing my bags & leaving for another guild struck me. Everytime it strikes, it takes longer to brush away… and everytime it does, it gets stronger. Pffttt ~ am afraid that the day will come that I’ll do it. Part of me doesn’t want to go – coz of the ppl in the guild. But if I don’t, am I doomed to stay in Karazhan forever?

Sat 10 May 2008 - Gruul's Lair

Gruul’s Lair was a failure – only about 9 members were available (and geared) for the raid. Ended up having to PUG the rest… and like always, assholes are unavoidable. Like I’ve always told ppl, there are those who are classic examples of human waste. They are jerks irl, so naturally they’ll be jerks online too. Considering that there are a tremendous no. of those breeds around, you'll need insane luck to be free of any while pugging 16 players.

Well ~ just let me put it this way. People end up on LFG for various reasons: 1. their guild isn’t geared to run that particular raid and they’d like to try it out for themselves; 2. their guild has a main team and they’re not part of it; 3. they are so fcked up that their guild doesn’t wanna include them in the raid team; 4. they have no guild. Without factoring in other stuff & without too much calculation of odds... let's look @ it on the simple surface. 4 reasons, so 25% chance a pug will come from reason 3. 16 pugs with 25% each. Heh... what do u think?

Of coz will end up with assholes lah!!!

Anyway… as the story goes, we ended up with quite a no. of jerks in the raid team. People who are impatient whiners full of complains. After a long long time getting the team together & summons to the raid, it finally got on the way. The trash pulls were fine. Problem aroused at the 1st boss coz there were quite a no. of ppl who didn’t know what to do (me inclusive) + the elitist jerks had different versions on how to do it, each insisting their way is right. No one wanted to agree on a strat... that went on like forever.

Well… 1st wipe, my fault. LoL I accidentally aggroed HKM while tying to get into position to pull the other dude. Then the name-calling started. Haha to be frank I can’t even remember what was said… I only know there are a lot of comments with the word “idiot” and the comments came from only 3 ppl. Don’t even remember their nicks now basically coz I just brushed them away. On hindsight, I should have remembered. Should have placed them on ignore list at least… so I won’t get them in the same raid team again.

The only thing I remember was Del’s comment saying that we should ban people from Tsuxtsux (Tsiixtsiix) and Core from our future raids due to the apparent quality of members they have – geared, but personality fail. Well… if u ask me and a few other guildies, we are banning ppl from Fixt (with exception of ck) & Gigantor too. Granted that there are a few folks who are nice in those guilds [I know Fixt has some nice ppl… though have yet to meet a decent one from Gigantor] but generally, no thanx. Really. This is cyberspace – much easier to exclude ppl u don’t like as compared to irl so might as well use that advantage.

To continue the story, 2nd pull went on fine, but ended up in a wipe too – reason for which am not too sure coz there were a few different fights going on @ the same time. The target I tanked went down, but on my bro’s side, he got flattened somehow. When I picked up the one he was tanking… too late, half the raid team on the other side was already dead. As expected, finger pointing was galore. Those few elitist jerks being the loudest voices, blaming everyone from the healers to not keeping tanks up, to the tanks for not holding agro & allowing the dpsers to be wacked (try holding agro when dead manx). Basically it was everyone else @ fault, except themselves. Gah!! Hate that kinda ppl irl too. I may not be perfect but at the very least, I have the decency to admit it when I screw up.

More name-calling took place, then the jerks left. With comments like bad raid leader (poor shiva), bad grp… etc. Needless to say I was pretty much ticked off and didn’t really play the warrior for the rest of the day & went on an alt instead.

Sun 11 May 2008 - Karazhan

Gahhh Kara again!! And again Nightbane didn't drop my shield. Mutherfcking dragon!!! Or shld I blame my damn luck with item drops & rolls? Anyway... wth manx, no full clear this time. It was half a guild run. The other half was pugged due to guildies coming on late (2 were from my rogue's guild). No jerks this time thankfully. Blizzard screwed us up real bad due to a lag that lasted 1/2hr. Afterwhich the server was still unstable & we ended up calling it coz ppl had to leave. But that wasn't the part that got me annoyed & disappointed. Part was...

9/10 of us logged back on after being shut out of the server for quite sometime. The hunter, a pug, never came back. Fine. So we decided to replace him. A rogue in the guild wanted to come, but the rest preferred a lock so yeah we resorted to LFM and found one who agreed to come, despite having only Illhoof, chess event, NS & Prince left. Only problem was, the lock was in Sunwell Isle with his hearth on cd & we couldn’t summon due to the bastard horde @ stone (as usual) so we had to wait for him to make his own way down. He was cool with it… so we waited.

10 min into the wait, a guildie said he had to go – coz a table was booked for Mother’s Day dinner. Fair enough. I suppose we could easily replace a dps warrior. After he made that comment in guild chat, Shiva said he had to go off too and then Ary wanted to call the raid. Needless to say, I got annoyed. Don’t get me wrong manx, am not annoyed coz the raid was called off… am annoyed coz it wasn’t said earlier!! Look! We could have easily called off the raid before we replaced the offline hunter with a lock. Why the fuck did everyone keep silent then and not speak up? Thankfully we managed to notify the lock in time and he didn’t zone in. It would be worse if we got him tied to the raid team w/o even a single medal.

A few in the team then wanted to rush for chess event with 9-man. Tree got annoyed and left… so 8-man. Itz still possible, but by then I was so pisssed that I’m already in Shatt city. Yep, I forgot another 2 medals coz I was pissed. They didn’t continue anyway.

So why am I so pissed. Simple. I was the one who invited the lock to the party. Our guild was the ones who asked him to fly down. And we called when he’s just outside the front gate. Isn’t that wasting his time? And tell me… isn’t that fucked up behavior?! Maybe I shouldn’t care that much about reputation… but I just detest the idea of doing such things to others. Face it, if someone did it to me, I would be uber pissed. Never liked doing stuff to ppl that I won’t enjoy if I’m on the receiving end. Am just so fcking pissed & disappointed with my guildies for doing that. Well, whatever that was said can't be retracted. I did give them a piece of my mind. All I can do is hope that they understand where those words were coming from and why I got angry.

*sigh* at times it just feels like I’m dragging around a bunch of kids behind me in game.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:22

Friday, May 09, 2008

“Do they steal or save local jobs” – that’s the headline of one of the article on Asiaone.com.

Yes yes, I finally read some of the News coz I was simply getting too restless & lacked reading material. Generally I don’t bother about what’s going on in the world… coz there’s just too many things that do not concern me (eg. who gives a damn so-and-so drowns here-and-there except folks who know the person?). Hmm… as for issues that might affect me a little, like the above mentioned headline, it serves no purpose than to further nuture the seed of irritation already embedded. Can I do anything about it? Nope… unless u’re telling me that I’m authorized to zap all those foreigners with a phase cannon (something that I dearly love to do). So knowing does nothing more than irk me. Might as well not know & save myself the irritation – so many other annoying things to deal with in a day already.

I really do need better reading material in the office to make time pass a little more quickly. Have already read & responded to posts in my guild forum, personal email… nothing left /gg

Anyway ~ since am on the topic of foreigners, since I read that article (gah!) I might as well get some of the comments running thru’ my head off my brain. Am I racist? Yes. Do I like foreigners? No, especially those from China. Reason? I never forgotten that year I worked in Spring Language School, surrounded by those mainlanders… everything I saw about them is just a turn-off. Granted there are a few who are to be lauded, but frankly, I rather all of them just stop pouring in. So do I think the foreigners are here to steal our jobs? Yes. Oh yeah, sure… they are more hardworking, willing to put in extra hours @ work… etc. as compared to local workers. Ever thought why? Thatz coz they’re here & their families + friends are back in China so they have nothing else to do… thatz why!! They are cheaper, thatz coz the currency conversion back in their homeland is lower. So what kinda stupid comparison is this?

Oh wait… am liable to be arrested based on whatever I type in my blog ehx? Hmm… whatever. This is MY space, my outlet to rant and I’m not about to stfu and keep everything inside… being all hypocritical & saying “yeah we should encourage foreign talent to our country”. Whatever a person u may think I am, a two-headed snake is what I’m not (ps. for the noobs out there – being hypocritical & being contradictory are totally 2 different things). If I don’t like you, I’ll make it so obvious that you’ll know it. But just coz I don’t like you, doesn’t mean I’m gonna be rude to u and all. I’ll still remain cordial. Just that, I don’t like you. LoL

Well… with absolutely no intention to be the cause of a racial riot, here goes.

There should be a limit set (a low one) on the influx of foreigners in Singapore. Just look around you. Everywhere u go, u see foreigners. And I’m not talking about the tourists. Am talking about those who are living here, working here… etc. There are way too many of them. They take up jobs, they take up scholarships, they take up housing space… and hell, even the women are here taking up the men. LoL yeah yeah, it can be viewed as “competition” if you wish. Whatever. Those who are pro-foreign talent will have thousands of stuff they can say in defence of ft… while those who are anti-foreigners (like myself) will have thousands to say about the opposite. Itz a debate that will never end, for sure , and at the end of the day… there are still 2 sides of a coin – with neither being right.

What matters is, I know which side of the coin I’m standing on. And no, I’m not a neutral on this matter.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:05

Monday, May 05, 2008

/yawn that’z it. 3 days. Gone by just like that. Now itz back to the office, trying to stay awake till the end of the day. To think that when I was a kid I used to complain that the holidays were too few… now… lol what wouldn’t I give for those mid-year and year-end holidays siah. Not to mention those weekly breaks after ever CA. Public holidays are just too few & too spaced apart *grumbles* There’s gonna be one in 2 weeks time – Vesak Day. Afterwhich it’ll be a dry spell till Ocotober. *sigh* Wonder how am I gonna live thru’ that manx. Yeah yeah there’s National day in Aug, but it’s on a Sat so it doesn’t make a diff anyway… ph eaten up.

Anyway... Genting. Well. Pretty uneventful (a little boring as expected) and I didn't take any pics except a few of the hotel room ~ nothing much to take lah seriously. Let's see if I can remember what went on.

Wed, 30 April 2008 - rushed home after work (as usual), squeezed in like 1hr of WoW, chatting with guildies, bidding them farewell and did 3 dailies for gold. had a quick dinner, stuff my barang into me backpack and went dwn to Chinatown to take the coach. Coach arrived at 9+, left about 10pm. Journey was fuzzy coz I spent most of the duration asleep. Had a couple of stops and didn’t remember much about them. Arrived at Genting abt 4+5am.

Thurs, 1 May 2008 - breakfast @ KFC [was sorely disappointed with the KFC whipped potato coz the gravy is now Singapore-type Zzz], wandered to the casino for a bit then caught the 1st screening of Iron Man at the First World Cineplex. Check into our hotel room @ 1+, unpacked stuff, dozed a little, then went for a foot massage (was lucky enuff to have a young cute boy attending to me). Wandered around a little more, dozed a little more then it was dinner buffet ~ the variety was well… slightly disappointing was the spread by considering the price paid, k lah close one eye. Returned to hotel room and dozed even more then went to watch the Live band, Rhythm & Soul, perform. A M’sian band… they were way cool though, being able to sing songs in various languages. Stayed thru’ all the sets… then itz time for Zzz.

Fri, 2 May 2008 - me skipped breakfast, rather get the additonal snooze coz I don't eat much in the morning anyway. woke up ard 12+ then headed out for lunch. After lunch, outdoor theme park. Wonder if it’s my age or something… the theme park just doesn’t seem interesting anymore. The viking’s too low, the roller coaster lacks speed & height & turns, the go-kart too slow… etc. Skipped the Space Shot this time though, queue was too long. By the time we’re done, itz time for dinner. Thought to try the K-dinner @ the KTV there… which includes 2hrs of singing time. The dinner was acceptable, the ktv session a total screw up. Their system went down, and 3hrs later it still wasn’t fixed. Gave up and went back to the hotel to watch “Next” on the tv instead. End of 2nd day in Genting.

Sat, 3 May 2008 - had breakfast, took a nap, checked out... then itz bus back to sg.

Gahhh really missed WoW like hell the past few days there. Was tempted to use the cybercafe to perhaps do a few dailies… but the rates were too high. RM15 for 1hr. Madness. Anyway I did WoW till 7am after I came back. Lolx did nothing significant though. It was mostly doing the Children’s Week quests for the special pets available. Did both the SW & Shatt on on Eru (willy & mr wiggles), did SW on Aina (speedy) & Tinkle (whiskers). Heh…and now even Kiandra has the pet rat, did it on her yesterday nite. Perhaps I’ll use Erulizze and do the one on Dragonmaw later while dinnering... or I might attempt the Shatt one with Aina. Shame that Asrial is too low to do hers on Dreadmaul. Heh will post screenies of my toons with their pets maybe later or tml.

Anyway, as expected, TM didn’t go to Kara on Sat ~ coz apparently they didn’t wanna end up pugging that many. Went in yesterday instead. It was… well, disappointing. Had help frm 2 well-geared healers, but one of them was pretty impatient and did a few nonsensical pulls. *sigh* Did an almost full-clear though, minus NS. Looking @ the raiders available at any time is kinda disheartening. We are scheduled to start Gruul’s this coming Sat. 25-man. I wonder how the fuck am I gonna gather 25 ppl for it. Yah yah rest of the team made up of pugs again. It just stinks when pugs win the rolls of items that guildies will benefit from. *sigh* and yeah there goes my T4. I always lose rolls T.T At the rate things are going, I really wonder how long will it take for me to gear up. Imagine every week pugging folks who are gonna roll for the same gear as I am and end up never getting the gear?

4 more playing days, minus Tues, to get Eru geared up. Done some calculations and if I manage to obtain all the items I’m aiming for in time, I’ll end up with 13.9k hp unbuffed. Right now itz 13.1k *sigh* heroic mgt is ahead of me. The trinket is the 1st item on my list. Fck manx. Am really tired wiping like hell in there with a pansy healer. Then I still gotta spend time farming for primal fire & primal air to craft the gun & slam in a +12 stam gem. In the meantime, do dailies @ isle to raise my rep with Shattered sun offensive so I can get the neck item at exalted. Then farm somemore/buy, mats for +12 stam to boots & +12 stam to bracers. Arrgghhh!!!

So many things to do, so little time!!!

Shady self-destructed @ 15:52

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

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Cross Stitch Tracker

+ C r e d i t s +

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