Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Thursday, March 27, 2008

*sigh* Thatz it. Harusame is gone T.T Itz a shame that I didn't manage to take any pics with her b4 she was pushed up the lorry... but managed to get 2 not-that-great shots with my handphone. Hmm guess thatz betta than 0 pics. Only problem now is getting those pics frm the handphone uploaded to the Internet. Me phone doesn't have a data transfer cable. Bleah ~ and in the rush I forgot to remove the keyring attached to the key... hopefully I'll be able to get it back coz that'll be the only "remaining thingy" I'll have from her. Have alredi sent an SMS to my cuz to ask him help me keep it.

Gahhh I don't even know how I feel now. I can't say that I'm upset... I can't say that I'm like totally alright too. Didn't get to sleep immediately last nite coz I was thinking of her. But I guess fatigue overcame all emotion & I eventually dozed off /shrugx guess there are some things that can't be described with words.

There's more I'd like to blog about my day yesterday... but think now is not the time. Too many eyes, too many spies. And it doesn't help that there's a software installed monitoring Internet access. *sigh* Whatever huh?

Shady self-destructed @ 09:28

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

All good things come to an end someday. There is no union that will not be broken, there is nothing that wouldn't fade away. Brings to mind again a verse that I somehow memorised since my teenage years...

Nothing lasts forever, even love is a lie
A tool to manipulate,
There's no God above the sky.

I can't quote it. I can't remember where I read it from even. I just remember how it went. And that was it.

Yeah I knew this day will come. Itz just a sooner or later thingy, and I've alredi been pushing it off so much till it became "later" more than "sooner". I kept pushing off making the call. And yeah... I totally avoided making the call. Got my dad to do it. Coz a part of me just refuses to let go, despite how foolish it may be.

Thatz it, I suppose. The end. I'll probably never see her again.

There was once we were together almost everyday... there was once that I'd just take her out for a ride. There was once, I can't imagine living @ Bt. Panjang w/o her (oh gawd the horrible public transport system). But I guess everything changed once I moved back to my parents' place. Right smack in the middle of town, it was way more convenient to take public transport, considering that I only work 1 MRT stop away & the horrendous peak hour traffic. I barely go out anymore... and even if I do, I'm around my home's vicinity - no reason to take her out & inccur those parking rates. For months she was left in the carpark collecting dust... totally neglected. Heck, I didn't even pay the damn season parking.

I guess itz better this way. She's leaving tomorrow. Back to the bike shop I got her like 3 years ago. Manx... 3 years. Has it been that freaking long? I'll miss her. I'll always remember the times we spent together - the feeling of riding down the KJE at 140kmph, the times huddled at the side of the expressway under the flyover during heavy rain... etc. Bleah ~ non-bikers will never understand how it is. The bond between a rider & his/her bike. The feeling of actually turning the throttle & feel the power... lol not to mention all those frustrations with lame-ass drivers cutting ur lane and more. Yeah... u'll nvr understand unless you've been there, done that.

*shrugx* That'z all behind me now I suppose. I don't think I'll own another bike again. Am just getting too old for that. Hmmm... come to think of it, I wonder if I'll ever even get to sit on a bike (even as a pillion) ever again. Lost touch of all my "biker friends" and I doubt I'll ever date again, much less date a guy who rides a bike. Face it. Am going on to 27. I'm getting a divorce this year. Find love again? Get into another relationship? Lolx. I think I'll have better luck striking Toto or even winning the Big Sweep... though unfortunately, I don't gamble.

Well... guess this is how Life is. Chapters have to be closed. And come tomorrow, I would have reached the end of another phase of my journey. Goodbye my princess. Ride with the wind.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:53

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Been a while since I last posted any screenies... and since the server is down for the nite, ah heck... might as well link a few b4 I turn in. A couple of pics from the recent Kara runs ^-^

And these are the folks on our 1st scheduled run /cheer
Awaiting for the show to begin... The Wizard of Oz

Down goes the Maiden of Virtue - raped!!

Jeez ~ what big hooves u have!!
Yeah rightfully there should be so much more screenies but I guess I was too busy trying to work out what to do, which mob to pull... etc. to actually remember to take them. Lolx. Unfortunately though, I gotta admit, we have yet to do a full clear of the place. We never managed to down Illhoof nor Netherspite... and no one can summon Nightbane as yet. *sigh* Guess the raid tends to break up somewhere in between - with assholes saying they gotta go and all. TM needs to recruit. Desperately. At least guildies wouldn't bail. Those deserters are on the same rank as gankers & campers I'd say.
Anyway... what matters is, we are making progress every single week. Now to attempt for a full clear the nxt time - then to shorten our timing & set Kara on farm.
FOR THE ALLIANCE!!

Shady self-destructed @ 00:30

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I wonder how much privacy is allowed to the staff here. Am aware that I’m taking a risk by even doing this – and yes, it is a risk coz for once I don’t have the desire to simply resign & look for another job. Am I settled down? I don’t know. For now am pretty contented with how things are over here… even though my pay is well, measly. I know they monitor the websites we surf – I gotten gamefaqs, tentonhammer & wowwiki blocked after the day I accessed them. I wonder if they can see what I’m seeing on my screen – I know such software exists. I wonder if they even have keyloggers. I know their silence doesn’t mean I’m getting away with it. I know I’m pushing my limits by even writing this blog entry now.

So why the fuck am I doing it?

I don’t know. I just have his weird little desire to type something… ramble on and on a little... etc. Itz a shame that I ain’t home right now. It’s a good time to actually write a short story or poem or whatever crap. Such moods don’t come often. And when they do, it’s always at the wrong time *sniggers*

Server maintenance later tonight. There goes my dailies for today. Managed to do quick one b4 I left for the office. 7g. Better than nothing. But there goes 50g… coz I won’t be able to get home b4 it goes down. Even if I do, it’ll be a feat to solo them. Such is the fate of a prot warrior. Dps is so amazingly low, that considerable dmg is taken b4 the mob goes down – dmg that I can’t simply just heal like pallys, droods or holy priests. Yeah. I’d say a prot warrior is even worse than a holy priest when farming is involved. Dps is equally low… but they can heal, we can’t. We have a longer downtime. That’s y I don’t farm for primals solo. It’s just a waste of energy & one wrong pull will mean a run from the gy + expensive armor repair.

Yes I’m talking about WoW again. /shrug can’t help that either. It’s like the only thing that I want to talk about in my life rite now. Especially now that TM is starting to raid Karazhan every weekend. We still haven’t have enough attuned & geared guildies to make it a full guild run – always having to waste time on LFM. It’s highly annoying, but am trying to put up with it. Just hopefully we’ll manage to recruit more soon. If not… there’s well, the option of guild merging with STDs or simply finding another guild. I don’t like those options though. I like TM & the current bunch of TMers. But I really don’t wish to stunt my own raid progression. Karazhan is not the end. There’s still Gruul’s , ZA, SSC… etc. And there’s WOTLK due to release sometime this year. So many things to do, so little time. Wonder if a few of us TMers can be considered 'hardcore' since we doing 1 instance almost every night. Only on weekends we probably skip the instance dailies... and the only reason y we do that is coz Kara saps up all our energy already. LoL

Don't tell me to get a Life. I have one. In the World of Warcraft with my fellow TMers. And I like it the way it is now. Sucks to be you if you don't comprehend it =)

Shady self-destructed @ 12:13

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

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