Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Monday, February 25, 2008

/yawn… so sleepy. 10:05am. In the office. *sigh* How I wish I was home sleeping instead, and with luck, dreaming of L. Been a while since I last blogged. Didn’t have the time to do so @ home, and and work… well, with that many eyeballs roving ard now (one of the cons of shifting to a larger firm than before – not that I’m complaining much as the pros greatly outweigh the cons on the overall & am getting along pretty okay with my colleagues), it’s pretty much of a risk. Am taking that risk rite now, to prevent myself from falling asleep at the desk.

Yep, it doesn’t take a genius to guess. It’s all coz of WoW again. Logged off at approx. 2am last nite and spent another 15min on the guild forum, approving accounts & looking at the new posts. Yeah… just 15min. The forum ain’t exactly active yet, though we’ve been trying to get members posting. /shrugx can’t blame them anyway – the game itself already takes up too much time. Not many will have the spare minutes to post. Spare minutes are better spent farming honor in bg or motes for gold. The more epics our toons are equipped with, the higher the repair fee. Imagine, with my tank gear rite now, one death is equivalent to slightly more than 3g… and I’m not exactly epicced-out yet. It’s just gonna get higher down the road.

Hmm… I dunno. Am just wondering if I should continue making the warrior my main instead of the rogue (who is lvl 55 now). Have respecced to a Prot warrior – and rite now, farming for motes is equivalent to hell. Really. It takes so goddamned long to kill 1 elemental & the downtime (ie. eating/bandaging) is too f**king long. Not to mention, wearing plate & taking almost all hits in an instance usually adds up to an amazing repair fee compared to other members of my party with equivalent gear. Guess nth is fair in this world & yeah was dumb enough to roll a tank in the 1st place.

Dpsers just have it all easy if u ask me. Especially the clothies. Cloth is cheaper than the rest. They stand at range… taking minimal dmg, even from AoEs – minimal repair fee. Plus at the rate they kill, farming is a breeze. Another class who seems to have it all, are the hunters. Their pet tanks, they take no dmg… hence no armor repair. And the best thing? They don’t have to respec for arena matches. Well yeah there are certain differences between PvP builds & PvE builds, but its not that bad if they don’t respec. Just imagine a Prot warrior in arena. Duh. Not that I’m respeccing everytime I go in… am just leeching the arena pts from my group and losing all matches I enter lol. At least in bg, with healers spamming heals on me… it isn’t too bad. Though ally sux on the overall when it comes to bg – losing like 95% of the time. Sheesh, wonder how long will it take for me to obtain the Gladiator set… well, not that it’s a priority rite now. Itz just a “want”, not exactly a “need”. Should focus my spare minutes on Ainarielle instead. At least she will be able to farm at a decent rate come lvl 70.

Anyway, TM had our 1st guild Karazhan run last Sat. It was a wipe fest, as expected, but it was fun. I daresay though, we did pretty well working together considering it’s the 1st time the majority of us went in. I’ve only been there once before, tagging along with the over-geared players of my rogue’s guild. That had been easy. Eru was still an MS warrior then. No sweat. The guild run was different though. Role was: MT. Midnight went down easily enough – though the 1st attempt was a wipe as we waited too long for a dc & the mobs respawned during the time w/o anyone noticing. Got Moroes on the 3rd try. It was Maiden that’s tricky. Wipe after wipe… till we agreed to reschedule the run for another day… but during our last try, got lucky. We downed her with just our OT & 2 healers left alive. Rofl.

Shame that I didn’t get any loot that day. But was having fun, so it didn’t really matter too much. We stopped @ Maiden. Going in again tonite at 11pm ST to see how far we can get b4 the instance resets tomorrow. Oh yeah I do forsee another 30g worth of repairs, a lot of ciggies & a very very sleepy day in the office tomorrow.

Hope I can resist the temptation of taking MC for Tues. Took too much leave this month already & frankly, I should try to take MC less with this firm. They don’t really need me to begin with. My workload is relatively low… till it’s a pain trying to look busy at times. I’m not getting new cases from the other lawyers, coz they all have this perception that I’m the Level ?? (boss) bitch’s private sec from the way she behaves… and I don’t seem to be getting any new cases from her either. *sigh* Anyhow, it just sucks. I dare predict that she’s gonna have an adverse effect on any career path I may have here… but bleah, seriously I wonder, is this is path I wanna take? Frankly, how far can I go here? In a law firm, itz just lawyers and staff. Without the qualifications, I’ll always be the staff no matter what. Am not too sure if I should settle for that for the rest of my life, considering that I actually do have a BA in Mass Communication. *sigh* Am still as aimless as I was when I first graduated. The wanderlust hasn’t diminished a single bit either… the only thing is, rite now, I don’t mind my situation that much. I just hope that the firm doesn’t decide that I’m just an “extra” afterall & get rid of me. Lolx, yeah coz from the start, I don’t actually belong here. Am only here becoz they kindly accepted me along with the old firm.

Well… should try removing those kinda thoughts frm my mind. Doesn’t help my morale too much. Heh, would rather focus on looking forward to the continuation of our Kara raid later. Heh, unexpectedly, I didn’t game that much the entire weekend. It was just Kara on Sat, normal BM & ½ of h. BF last nite. Yeah yeah, I finally got my lazy self outta the house for a bit.

Went for a movie marathon on Sat – Death Note, Death Note 2: the Last Name & L: Change the World. Admittedly, the main reason y I went was L. It’s no secret that I find him… attractive, and /nod I’ve blogged about that before. Anyway that ain’t important… lol would leave the fantasies to myself instead. The movie. The spinoff. Hmm… gotta say that I was pretty disappointed. Yah yah I know, it has nothing to do with Death Note – it’s a spinoff afterall. It’s just taking the Death Note characters & throwing them into a crime busting movie. The plot itself is pretty okay, though there are certain things that don’t add up. Heh, but it’s interesting to see that L is capable of showing emotion afterall.

Verdict: 9/10 for eye candy; 3/10 for storyline

Sunday afternoon was spent @ Siloso Beach. Been such a freaking long time since I last went there. Tried to get a tan, but unfortunately the weather didn’t exactly cooperate. Had like only 10 min of good tanning sun. After that it was pretty hazy – damn the fires in Indo again – and needless to say, tanning was an epic fail. Kek, but I had fun on the overall. It does feel good not being cooped up at home in front of the PC & having some interaction with fellow humans f2f instead of merely reading text over the Internet, once in awhile. Haha not to mention, it was meeting up with someone I haven't seen in a few years =D Bleah ~ only shame was that my skin tone remained the same… am getting freaking pale T.T

11:38am now. Managed to burn some time, thankfully… but there’s still such a long way to go till the end of the day. *think happy thoughts* Karazhan later. Plan – cc targets, dps targets, loot.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:38

Monday, February 11, 2008

4 days of holidays just passed by so quickly... and itz back to wrk tml. *sigh* How I wish I could just be a slacker, living on a part-time job & spending the rest of my time in WoW or on the PS2. Guess not everyone has the luxury to simply do nothing @ home. The cost of living in Singapore is way too high. Even most average folks with a regular job are merely making ends meet. /shrug.

Anyway... I wonder what this "new year" brings for me. Itz only the 4th day of the lunar new year... and already itz been 2 deaths in the family. Uncle passed away on the 2nd - went to his wake earlier. The other, my maternal grandma.

You know, it really made me glad that I dragged myself visiting on the 1st day. If not, I wouldn't even have had the chance to see her for 1 last time. Well... I ain't exactly close to her, and I don't really have that many memories of her... but still, she's my grandmother... and I guess the way she held my hand, smiled & said something in Cantonese (that I didn't understand) the day I went to visit her... that image will probably stick in my mind forever. Even though she could barely recognise who I am - took her awhile to recall. Guess thatz what happens... u get old, ur memory fades. Yeah perhaps u can say that I'm a rotten grandchild, visiting only once a year. Perhaps I'm just too selfish to spend my time on others... I dunno. There's really nth much I can say or do rite now, but I was really glad that I went that day.

I really hope that my mum ain't taking it too bad. It ain't an easy thing to bear I suppose. Losing a brother & mum in such a short time. I wonder how it feels, dealing with the death of an immediate family member. I could see that my cousins were like barely holding back their tears coz of my uncle & my aunts & uncles... they were pretty upset about grandma. Even my mum. On the verge of breaking into tears when she looked @ family pictures taken in the past when grandma was still alive.

Itz fucked up manx. That everyone has to leave someday. I just hope I'll be strong enuff to deal with it when itz my parents turn to go. I know I know, I shouldn't be thinking of such stuff... and to set the record straight, I ain't cursing them or anything. Like every normal folk out there, I do wish that they'll be around forever... but being realistic, it isn't going to happen. They'll leave someday... and I just fucking hope that day doesn't come anytime too soon. Then again... anytime will be too soon, if u get what I mean. *sigh*

Also I can't help wondering who the fuck will be at my wake. Family? Chances are I'll be single & childless till the day I die. Friends? Well... I wonder if I'll have any left @ that age. Even now... it seems that I don't have that many friends around anymore. Weekends are spent at home WoWing. Time after wrk spent at home WoWing. Guess u can say that one of the reason y I spend that much time gaming is coz I simply don't have any other activities to indulge in. Look, even my bro had friends coming over during the CNY period. Me? I basically sat in front fo the PC the entire day. *sigh* I guess, if my bro outlives me, he'll be the only one at my wake.

Pathetic.

Shady self-destructed @ 03:21

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

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