Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Fuck Singnet. Just read the following email I sent thru' their webby less than 5 min ago and you'll understand why I said that.

------- start of email -------

Dear Sir/Madam,

Been experiencing a higher than usual disconnectivity rate while gaming since last week & am wondering what is going on with Singnet, being a reliable ISP that's reputed to be stable for gaming purposes.

The last straw was last night between 11pm - 4am (till I got so annoyed, I logged off) when I was disconnected 5 times while playing WoW. This disrupts the gaming process greatly and should not happen. Am certain that it is not a problem on my part as a couple of my Singnet-using friends were disconnected at the very same time.

The modem was still lighted up as "connected to the Internet", but the service was simply cut off - even MSN failed to connect & websites failed to load... so it wasn't a problem with Blizzard. It took an average of 10min to get back online - having it happen 5 times means 50 min wasted. As you certainly know, alot can be done during 50 min.

Kindly look into this matter and resolve it ASAP as I wouldn't want to experience a disconnection while I'm running and instance or raid with my guild.

Thank you.

------- end of transmission -------

They better fucking get back to me with a satisfactory response... and that problem better be resolved. Yes, I will not hesitate to switch ISPs if that continues on a regular basis - even if I have to pay the penalty for breaking the contract & itz gonna be a hassle setting up the wireless at home to connect to Phoenix. The only reason y I stuck to Singnet though everyone else @ home is using Starhub, paying the extra $45+ per mth, is coz Singnet is supposed to be reliable. Well... it used to be, till recently. With exception of the disconnection experience when some bozo calls at the wrong time (and I have no idea y that problem still ain't fixed - helpdesk ain't helpful) this didn't use to happen. The problem wasn't only last nite. Sometime last week, it was so bad that I had to actually turn off the modem & wait for it to get back on... wasting even more precious minutes. Thankfully I didn't log back on to see my toon dead or I tell you... my personal rage bar will max out in an instant. Repair fee ain't cheap and considering that I'm lv 59 now, and am desperately saving up for the lv 60 mount, every 50s counts (yes that'z the amt I pay when I die once).

My friend's guildies weren't that lucky - they were doing a raid @ that point of time last week... and imagine the reaction of the MT when he realised that all his healers got d/ced. The end result was inevitable & all of them hearthed back to Shattrath after they got back online. Raid was cancelled that day coz most of them were feeling sian. Imagine lah, kenna wipe coz of an uncontrollable factor - u tell me you sian or not?

Yeah yeah, u can tell me itz no big deal... that it's only a game. Well... will see if u'll still feel the same if u are doing something online, eg. having a webcam chat with ur gf living in another country & ur ISP fucks up this way. No big deal mah... just chatting with gf tio bo? *sniggers* Anyway my point is, don't belittle what means a great deal to another. You aren't that person so STFU coz you'll never understand. Plus don't forget... what means alot to u, will seem ridiculous in the eyes of another. Pls don't even be so fucking egoistic to even think that the world should operate a certain way (though admittedly I think everyone sould just put aside their differences & stop those stupid wars - see, I'm egoistical as well), and that people should do certain things in order to justify their puny existence on this lump of rock we call Earth.

Anyway... OT.

50min. Jeez I could have slept at 3am instead of 4am ~ and if I had slept earlier, I could have woken up earlier to do some farming for mithril. 230+/300 blacksmithing. Pathetic. Will need 265 to obtain the quests for the Imperial plate set plans... and considering that I'm still wearing lv. 40+ armor, the Imperial plate stuff are now more desired than ever. *nod nod* I can't imagine stepping into the Outlands with my current eq., and warriors are pretty gear dependent. As to why my eq sux so bad? Lolx ~ good question. Guess itz coz ever since I hit 50, I've been grinding quests more than running instances... quest rewards were nothing fancy & when I actually do have instance runs... my luck's so bad that everything else - cloth, leather, mail - drops except plate items. Woohoo. At this rate things go, sooner or later I'll be tempted to ninja... ROFL >=D

Anyway I wonder how long Singnet will take to resolve that prblem. Hmm... one thing I noticed about Singpore is... being a small country, certain stuffs are dominated by certain "giants", eg. talking about ISPs, itz just Singnet vs Starhub really. Pacnet is pretty insignificant so I ain't gonna bother mentioning them. So itz like 2 giants competing against each other. Not much of a competition ehx? Those giants are pretty confident in their domination that they ignore the disgruntled customers... coz they know that, even if they fuck up, what can we do? Break the contract and go somewhere else? Swear off the Internet completly? Lolx... there isn't much of a choice manx. Perhaps this is the reason y some of the giants (and I ain't only talking about ISPs) provide so shitty customer service - they can afford to do so.

Think about that manx.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:27

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Been checking up thottbot now & then, reading up on the quests & item drops avaliable for the "upcoming instances" on my list. Will probably do another 2-3 Sunken Temple (Temple of Atal`Hakkar - jeez what a mouthful) runs... since I promised a friend to accompany him on Thurs & have already placed a call to my guildies for this weekend. *shrugx* Yeah it seems that I'm always doing runs that are "lower" than what I'm supposed to be doing. Lolx ~ well... guess that'll be the situation till our levels even up - which is sometime soon, coz now the gap is like 4 alreadi. Anyway yeah there's a couple of stuff that I won't mind having frm ST but what made me pretty gian when I checked thott earlier was Blackrock Depths. All those blues... *whistles* will be a good upgrade from the stuff I'm currently equipped with. The only troublesome thingy is that there are 3 plate wearers, me inc., in my current regular party so guess we'll be "fighting" over the drops as usual. haha ~ wonder if I'll be able to persuade them to run till everyone has what they wants... thatz really the best way to do things >=D

Anyway am only halfway reading on BRD. Thottbot ain't very cooperative rite now (actually the main problem should be my company's internet connection). There's still Dire Maul, Lower Blackrock Spire... etc. that I can start keeping my eye out on. *sniggers* Ahhhh I just can't wait to get myself up to 70 and start raiding ^_^ Hopefully by then I'll have contacts with a hardcore raid guild or two. Nah I ain't leaving TM. Am enjoying myself pretty much in there & everyone are nice enough. But guess if I'll have to... at the worst I'll just leave one of my alts in TM and join something else. Bleah still too early to say. Yeah yeah, I still suck when it comes to PVP... getting pwned by almost everyone who attacks me ~ those that I am confident I've got a chance to kick their ass, they usually don't even touch me hahaha... and yeah, I'm too kind to wack anyone until they touch me 1st. Most of the time. Typical me.

Arrgghhh now am so gian to play. But I can't. Still in the office & tml is my JCS exam. I must die die study tonite. Gotta resist the temptation to logon to WoW (with exception of dinner period). Thankfully on that I've got help frm some guildies. Told them I'm having a paper on Wed & they will nag if they see me on. Lolx. Studied a little yesterday but doubt thatz sufficient. I wonder if I can even pass. Lolx. Typical me once again. Procrastination till the last minute. Gotta keep reminding myself that my JLPT ain't too far away either. 2 Dec. Bleah ~ guess I'll just relak the rest of this week after my JCS papers, wack as many instances as possible & clear as many quests as I can... then starting nxt week, b4 WoW, gotta dedicate 2hrs for study liaox.

Tok tok tok, plan plan plan, think think think... in the end still nvr do.

*shakes head*

Shady self-destructed @ 17:45

Friday, November 16, 2007

Maybe once again itz time to take a step back & re-evaluate what the fuck I've been doing the past couple of mths. Ever since I've gotten WoW, I don't seem to do anything else except hang out in Azeroth. Oh yeah, I do still squeeze in a couple of anime & drama eps here and there (especially when I'm eating) but that aside... hmm what else have I been doing? Spent the last weekend at home, and chances are this weekend's gonna be the same. My junk frm Jelapang is still lying unpacked in cartons ard the house. My paid bills, random sheets of paper... etc. are lying ard on the floor. JCS's exam is just next week & I haven't prepared a single thing... and not mention, JLPT is just 2 weeks away. Though I keep telling myself that I've gotta study, I just can't do it. Even if I should start straight when I get home, before I logon, my mind will drift away. *sigh* I'll try to at least complete the notes frm my old skool's text by this weekend. I know I won't pass. I haven't been putting in enuff... but well *shrugx*

Speaking of WoW, everyone seems to be slacking off these days. Our mains are all "stuck" in the early 50s. Well... not that we have much of a choice. The areas that we're going to are horde infested. And it seems like there are too many childish freaks in that faction... going around ganking & all. Itz like... I dun wanna waste time getting ganked, res, then go back to gank the person back. That could go on for hours, am sure. Just coz the other party has time to burn, doesn't mean that I do as well. Well ~ of coz am sure that there are assholic Alliance jerk-offs, who have too many minutes to burn, lurking ard too (though based on observation, Allys tend to leave Horde alone even when they have the advantage of numbers... but the other way round doesn't seem true). /spit the end result? Everyone seems to be either levelling their alts or just going to low level instances for items. Guess I'm just gonna count on instances for exp to level - and itz damn sian waiting to form a party for Maraudon or ST. One of the cons of playing on a PVP server.

Well... at the worst I've gotta adjust my sleep time ~ log on when the server population is lower & pray that no one disturbs me when I quest. *sigh*

Hmmm... anyway one thing I've been wondering. Is it possible to develop feelings for someone whom you've just recently met online? /shrugx, who knows huh? These days it seems that I've been looking forward to seeing someone online... and if both of us happen to be free enough, on WoW too. Note - if both of us are free enough in game. And no... itz not possible to ask him to run me thru' instances though he's a lvl 70 epic rogue. The best he can do is help me clear some quests that are too difficult for me to solo & escort me to certain places to get fps (just the other day we went frm Teldrassil all the way to Winterspring - on mount lol). Why? Hmm... let's see. He's an undead. Nuff said huh?

Bleah but betta not to think too much about it... coz afterall, he's just a little boy. Hahaha ~ but guess I'm still in the "safe zone" coz I do look forward to seeing some of my guildies online as well (girls included) so I suppose thatz just a normal feeling =X Hmm... whatever. Don't have time to bother about such shite. Rather use those spare minutes to plan what I'm gonna do this weekend to maximise my gaming time. Intention is to run ZF, Mara & ST with my guildies... and I've put a call for that on the guild topic. Got enough ppl interested. The only problem is ~ will all of us be online @ the same hour? The main healer comes on pretty late at nite, and my bro comes back at ungodly hours on the weekend. By that hour... the main tanker will probably be a sleep. We can place our bets for Sat morn. But then... it'll be me having problems waking up =P

/pat self. Dun think too much. What will happen, will happen. If there's anything to worry about, then let me worry about the upcoming JLPT. And hopefully somehow, that worry will turn into motivation & determination.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:53

Sunday, November 11, 2007

The world just ain't safe anymore these dayz /cackle

Caution to all folks travelling alone. Be wary of where you set up your campsite. Coz when the sun sets beneath the horizon, the creatures of the night come out to play...

And try not to travel alone, little girls. For in the desert, it's not only the carrions, hyenas and other beasts that you've to worry about.

And apparently, it seems as if those who dwell in the desert of Desolace don't really like each other as well. F**K off... BIRD!!

But after all that... guess there's always time for some chilling out with those whom you call "friend" - be it over a mug of ale in the local tavern or simply a mound of dirt in the mountains. Itz not the place but the company that mattters. That, makes the world so much easier to bear.

Last but not least, if you really feel darn lonely... get a little pet (though be real wary coz there's not knowing when your pet will ambush you) ^^

And never forget... Time is Money, Friend!!

Shady self-destructed @ 13:36

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I ain't dead. Yet.

Just haven't really gotten the time to blog these days. Yeah yeah time is what u make outta it. Hmm then I shall just put it this way - haven't really gotten the time to be that bored that I gotta blog... with exception of now, that is. Lunch break. In the office. Packed food back. Boss ain't the country. Taking a short break frm my WoW research.

Think I'd betta take a short nap or something later... before 2pm. Have been sleeping even lesser lately (yes, that is possible). It used to be 5-6hrs. Now it's merely 3-4. Even worse on the weekends. What have I been doing? Well if u've been reading my previous blog entires... guess u can guess wtf I've been doing. If u still dunno. Fine. Running instances for self & others, questing, farming, PVP, grinding... more or less in that order *yawn*. And for the rare times I'm not logged on, I'll be doing "research" on certain stuff - most recently blacksmithing.

Time for Erulisse to choose her path. Weaponsmith vs Armorsmith. Heart vs Brain. As always, heart wins... and am now farming for mats to get my skill up till lv 230 to learn the final recipe that I need for the weaponsmith quest. Then I gotta farm the mats & make the actual swords, axes & maces *sigh* more sleepless nights are here to come, am sure. And itz just gonna get worse. Was looking @ PVP gear earlier... the honor pts & medals needed. Jeez. Think I'd better get like half of it now that I'm 49 then get the rest @ 59. Screw the PVP gear for this lvl. Dun really need it... and chances are, I might screw the one for lvl 60 too and go directly for the lvl 70 sets.

kk, nuff talk. No one cares 'bout my WoW stories anyway (yes, I know it... yet I still do it. So?). Might as well dun waste my time & read on.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:39

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

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