Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Friday, October 26, 2007

Itz one of those days again. Days that I succumb to that internal turmoil. *sigh* It alredi began on Wed... when I came home frm BBDC & actually stopped to think - when was Harusame's backseat fixed? Inititally when I realised I could lock the backseat again I thought it was a fluke. I searched ard in the seat area & didn't find the "metal part" that fell out so I guess... someone must have fixed it. I called Ben. He confirmed that he did it back when I was still @ Jelapang. I didn't realise it till now apparently. When I heard that... I dunno. Something inside me kinda melted. Or rather, I should say my defences simply crumbled. I can't even describe how I felt... I just felt... well I really dunno.

Conflicting thoughts of why the fuck does he still care, and all came into my mind. Then he became... does he still care? If he does, why? I started to tear in the office when I thought of this suddenly too... but I just couldn't allow myself to - itz like, fuck lah, I'm at wrk. Boss will think I've lost my mind if I suddenly started sobbing away. *sigh* I dunno... fuck lah. Why do I still care? Will this ever end? Try as I might tell myself otherwise... am not over this yet. If I am, this shouldn't affect me anymore rite?

Rite?

I dunno. Call me weak, but there's this part of me that misses the past like hell. The times when we were still together - the better days, that is. Thinking of them still makes me cry. The days when... he'll still pick me up after wrk. Then we'll head down to Shop N Save to get groceries. He'll cook dinner while I'll spend some time on the PC. Then we'll eat together in front of the tv. Those days... at times I just can't believe itz all over. I think I was happy then. Am pretty certain that yeah, those days I was actually happy. I'm not sure if itz him that I miss, or us that I do. These days, am not sure about so many things... think the only reason y I'm still alive is coz I log onto WoW most of the time when I get home, then I get so caught up that I don't think of anything else.

*sigh* I'm just fucking weak. Many times the thought hath crossed my mind - should I... u know, try to save whatever that is still left of the r/s before we actually go thru' the divorce. If there's any saving to be done... I suppose there has to be a counselor or something involved but guess he'll never agree so think itz best that I get that idea out of my fucking head. Then again... why the fuck do I wanna get back into all that shit when I'm already well on my way to heading out of that cesspit? I just feel so mortal. Everyone wants to find that someone whom they can spend the rest of their lives with. Guess I am no different.

How I wish I could somehow turn back the time... back to the time when I don't even know such pain can exist. When I could still deliver a genuine smile w/o any bitterness... when I can actually wake up in the morning & tell myself that itz gonna be a good day ahead. Was there even such a time? Hmm... I guess so. I must have been there once. But itz so long ago that I can barely remember anything anymore. Maybe someday this feeling will pass... I dunno. This really reminds me of a line someone once typed - "I never knew that looking back at the times I cried will make me laugh; and that looking back at the times I laughed will make me cry."

Thatz just so fucking true.

Guess beneath all this... I'm nothing more than a little girl grasping at the gradually fading fragments of a fairytale.

Shady self-destructed @ 20:03

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Saw this interesting post on a friend, Tyler's, blog about gaming (the link is here) and just can't help commenting since my name appeared in it =X

Play religiously... hmm, frankly I've nvr thought about gaming as a form of religion. Itz an addiction, yes. But a religion? *shrugx* Maybe it does seem pretty "religious" to a certain extent... but to me, a religion requires a God & some form of worship. I still can remember this thingy I read about while doing research for a thesis during my poly years - my thesis was something about Wiccan being recognised as a religion (and not just an orthodox practice in the eyes of most). Can't remember the exact quote that I used in the paper or where the quote came from, but there were like certain "rules" to determine a religion - yeah I used that as a basis to explain why actually Wiccan should be a religion. Anyway... back on topic, a religion requires a God. There's no God when it comes to gaming, unless u are telling me u are crazy enough to worship Blizzard (then u are just crazy, not religious lol). Ah well ~ so I guess it ain't exactly "like a religion"... more "like a drug"... with withdrawal symptoms and all. MOE.

Screw it. Next.

Gaming & destressing. Hmmz ~ that I can relate to. Gaming is not entirely "destressing". Planning ur character build & the things u wanna do (coz u've got a job & don't have all day to play) is stressful. Lolx. Well, the stats part doesn't apply on WoW coz itz auto, but the planning of the talents.. thatz another thing altogether. Should you go right down a certain talent tree, or should u create a hybrid? For that u gotta consider certain things - like are u going for a pvp build or pve... etc. And that ultimately affects the gear u would wanna farm for. I mean, u dun wanna spend hours obtaining something that u won't exactly use eventually, rite (unless u are someone who has the luxury of not working lah then u've got all the time in the world... u can do that just for the sake of doing it)? On RO, I did manage to test the various builds to find something that I enjoy most (note: not the best build, but one that I enjoy most... geddit?) coz itz a private server and stats/skill resets are like what, just 500k zeny? But on WoW... hmm itz gonna cost me 50g to respec eventually and that ain't a small amount loh!! I dun care what u lvl 70s say... I'm just lousy @ making gold alrite??

Certainly, gaming can totally f**k up ur day - if u meet undesirable players in game... the same way when u sway sway meet an asshole irl. Players are human. Things that apply irl, apply in game too. All that political shit in a guild, all that backstabbing... etc. The worst thing, if u ask me? Is ganking & corpse camping. Lolx. It used to annoy the hell outta me before, but now am starting to just ignore it... coz itz just part of the game. I mean, well, I am on a pvp server afterall. But I still think Blizz should do something about it - ain't fun when all u wanna do is complete a quest and this asshole lvl ?? member of the other faction is killing u all the time. Especially if the graveyard is f**king far away!! Then there are the ninjas... the no-lifers... etc. and other annoying breeds.

But the main mood spoiler, is when u screw up. Doesn't matter if ur party member blames u or otherwise (am sure they are cursing while starring @ the monitor screen... but whether they're vocal about it is another thing altogether). Even if they shut up about it, u'll feel like crap. eg. u make a bad pull & the entire party gets wiped. Trust me, unless u redeem urself later... u'll feel like shit the entire day. Itz worse when they are being nice to u, and tell u that itz okay... etc. Bleahh maybe itz just the class I've chosen for Erulisse. At times it does feel as if there's certain pressure to "perform".

Blah blah... anyway to sum that all up, yes there is a certain amt of stress involved. Fine. Significant amount.

On the other hand, yes gaming does have certain elements that allow u to destress. Well... I'll take WoW as an example again. All those seasonal events. Itz somewhat like "mini games" - ain't important... but pretty fun. The recent one is Hallow's End. Lolx. yeah like last nite... after helping my bro with his quests @ Ashenvale, I just popped over to Stormwind & Goldshire. Went trick or treating with the Goldshire's inn keeper and ended up with a flimsy troll mask!! Hahah ate one of the pumpkins and became a skeleton for like 20 min. rofl... that was darn funny. The funniest thing? My bro got "tricked" and was changed into a stupid looking goblin. wahahahahaha ~ now yeah, that destresses. Plus there are certain things like fishing in the game and all. u can just 'take a day off' levelling... and just relax. Ain't to healthy to be obsessed about grinding / questing / farming all the time, if u ask me. Can go mad de.

Eaten by a cat??

Hmmm and as for learning things indivudally... thatz the reason y WoW has PVP. You wanna improve ur reaction, creativity... blah blah those stuff mentioned for Dota & FPS, go for PVP. Coz PVP isn't dependant on level & equipment alone (though of coz that will affect as well lah!). It depends on how fast u react to the other person's moves... and how well u can anticipate & counter... and how well u use ur skills. Then there are different strategies when facing different classes while using different classes too. Damn, tons of background if u come think about it. Alrite, I admit. I suck when it comes to PVP... but I intend to rectify that in time. Guess such things come with experience and alot of trial & error. Hmmm real life rules apply as well. You make a mistake, u learn frm it... lol the more u make, the more u learn I guess ^_^

Halloween costumes =D

PVP aside, there's alot of "learning" to be done to handle a certain class decently. Keyword: decently, not expertly - that needs so much more work & time. WoW is more than just a simple hack & slash game, Maple pretty much is (aka. stupid game), like most ppl - me inclusive - think. Yeah I used to think WoW is just = kill monster, kio loot, form party, kill boss... yadda. It was only till I played that I realise wtf how come got so many things need to take note of? Gotta take note of aggro range lah, racial attributes lah... then knn 1st time in my life I find tanking so difficult. In RO all I do is just hit the monster & stare @ the screen, using a few skills now and then... most monsters will just hit me (the one that gets 1st strike) and leave the other party members alone. Then I realised on WoW itz f**king different. The monsters switch targets and itz up to the bloody tank to hold sufficient aggro to prevent the monsters on turning on say... the priest. Priests build up aggro just by healing, more dmg = higher aggro build up... bleah I really dun feel like elaborating lah coz I don't really understand it totally yet (n00bie me).

lol, now (for all critics out there who say gamers have no life) tell me gaming is easy and "just for kids" - if u seriously, honestly think that way... I really wonder what kinda games you've played. Even pac-man needs strategy =P

One thing Tyler didn't mention is - at the end of the day... it boils down to luck.

Note: I am not talking about facing off a lv 70 with a lvl 50 - that one, luck or no luck... the winner is obvious; and I'm not talking about the difference in gear here... am talking about just plain luck.

Take this scenario, a lvl 55 with decent gear vs a lvl 52 with decent gear, same class, same race. Assuming that they've done their planning, assuming that they're both equally experienced... so what now? Luck of coz!! Argue about it all u want, but Luck determines who wins. You lucky, u get critcal hits & u dodge/parry attacks. You sway... everything u kenna and ur dmg average nia. Ookie ~ like I just told Meishan, even a simple game like monopoly. You can have all the bloody strategy in ur mind (eg. which properties to buy... etc.) but itz all for naught if ur dice throw suck. Trust me. I'm the kinda sway person who, while playing Risk, have 5 soliders on a territory & loses the land to someone who has only 2 soldiers attacking me. Plan lah yah. End up, still lose coz of dice throw -.-"

kk i concur that games like chess is all about strategy. Fine. The rest? No way!!

Of coz I don't discount strategy & planning... but my point is, luck matters - and that is something no one can control no matter how much he/she tries. Yeah sure, u can have the odds in ur favor (with equipment & all) but nothing's certain. Even in soccer. The ball is round.

PS. This post has been backdated. Wrote it but nvr published it.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:08

Friday, October 19, 2007

Is it just me... or does reading emails filled with bad English irk everyone? Am not talking about casual emails between friends & I'm not talking about minor grammatical/spelling errors - those are fine. I use Singlish all the time while chatting, posting on forums, blogging... etc. so I ain't gonna slap myself in the face by practicing double standards. *grinx* What I'm talking about is, and this applies to MSN messages too, English that's so bad that u actually gotta pause for a little to try figure out wtf the other party is gonna say.

Example? Ookie. "work?" - alrite wth is that supposed to mean? Are u asking if I'm wrking rite now, at this exact instant or are u asking if I've got a job? Or even worse... "working now?" Usually I'll take it to mean "are you working right now (as in at this precise moment, are u in the office)" but when the question comes in the midst of the nite... say 2am... I'll be like huh? Yah lah ~ I know there are some folks who work the night shift... but thatz the minority loh. Shouldn't the norm be assuming that someone belongs to the majority instead of the minority? =X

Well... thinking about it again, maybe the problem ain't bad English. The problem is prolly ppl asking questions & not making themselves clear. Plus there's this really annoying breed of folks... u ask them a question, they'll totally ignore it (either their eyeballs happened to pop outta the sockets so they missed it or they are just being assholes) and ask u another question as a "response"... especially if u are trying to plan ur schedule and want an answer to a question as simple as "what time meet?" (yes Singlish, I know). Itz just worse when itz via SMS. I only have like what… 300 free SMSes per mth? Trust me, I always exceed that number… and having to ask my question a 2nd time is just a waste of 5 cents. Granted that 5 cents isn't exactly that significant... but trust me, that amount snowballs. Plus!! You know how annoying to respond to SMS when I'm in an instance? Do us both a favour lah! Get to the fucking point so we won't have to trade that many messages. Gahhh ~ usually I'll lose my patience & just call the person instead. Duh. Unecessary energy expended.

Tsk tsk I can go on forever about the things that annoy me - am I that irritatable a person? lolx. I dunno manx. I just think itz a waste of precious seconds when ppl drag a conversation way longer than itz supposed to take. Those seconds can be spent on something more enjoyable actually. Anyway, back to the main issue - bad English. What I was referring to, before I went off-topic, is reading emails peppered with crap. And I'm talking about "formal emails", mind you. Emails that u send on behalf of ur company to another company.

Just take a look @ this (am self-censoring certain parts coz am not sure if such stuff are meant to be confidential - anyway ignore the fucking content... itz none of ur business - look @ how the sentances are phrased instead)...

Today, we just finished meeting with Mr. xxx, we already decided the following:

1. PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED THE MORTGAGE AGREEMENT.
2. Just proceed the Loan Agreement.
- [section removed] -
7. Interest have to pay every month.
8. Loan will be pay back time to time
- [section removed] -
10. This agreement must be completed signature by both parties before xx/xx/2007.

- [and the final line goes... ] -

Please revert to me asap.

*yawn* 1st email I opened this day manx… and I read this kinda shite. Seriously TGIF. Am intending to spend at least an hr or 2 studying my Jap this weekend, on top of checking out the Wickerman thingy in WoW - woohoo Hallow's End hath just begun (did some seasonal quests last nite... will post the screenie & talk about it another time)!! With luck, and with little sleep, hopefully I'll be able to do enough PVP to get the items I require … and with like another SM run (with luck I’ll find folks to join me for RFD instead) + questing @ Desolace, I’ll ding till 40 & get my mount. Ahhhh ~ can’t wait to get my striped nightstalker!! All that grinding for Darnassus rep is finally gonna pay off!! Ehhh now that I listed them out… nah beh!! Shitload of stuff to do loh ~ maybe by this weekend isn’t too possible… a more comfortable personal deadline will be next weekend instead. Not forgetting I wanna run an instance or 2 on my Horde too.

Target for Erulizze this weekend: lvl 26 + 1 SFK run.
Target for Erulisse: 40 + 1 SM/RFD run.
Target for ShaDy: 2hrs of Japanese + a movie/1 ST ep.

Jeez... who the fuck actually plans till liddat siah?

Shady self-destructed @ 10:00

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Queen of the Forsaken... Banshee Queen... Dark Lady. Some of the names used to refer to Sylvanas Windrunner. I was nvr really bothered about the Warcraft storyline till I turned in that necklace quest (I don't even remember the name of it) in Undercity. The Lady conjured up some banshees & the stong began. Yeah it was the one on the YouTube video that I embedded in my previous post. My bro says it was simply a waste of time... but there's something about that song thatz... idk. I liked it immensely & it kinda reached out to something in me. Heck ~ I don't even understand the lyrics of that thingy. It sounded sad... yet really soothing @ the same time. It gives the impression that beyond a frozen & tough exterior, something gentle from the past still remains. Note that prior to this, I didn't even know the story of Lady Sylvanas. *shrugx* It was only after that I got curious and did "background" checks on her.

About the song...

The exact origins of "Lament of the Highborne" have been lost to antiquity. Certainly the melody pre-dates the War of the Ancients, in which the song served as a lament for the fallen: a tribute to their steadfast bravery against overwhelming odds. Millennia later, the high elves of Quel'Thalas sang the lament, largely unaltered, in the Troll Wars. Here, too, the elves ultimately proved victorious, but they would not remain so. A plague of undeath swept through the human nation of Lordaeron in the Third War and converted many citizens into mindless undead minions of the Lich King. This army--the Scourge--invaded elven lands and decimated the populace, some of whom were raised into undeath and forced to join the Scourge.
As leader of the last elven defenders, Sylvanas Windrunner suffered a terrible fate: her spirit was ripped from her body and transformed into a banshee. When the Lich King's power faltered, however, she and other undead were freed of Scourge control. She has since reclaimed her body and become queen of these undead rebels, the Forsaken. Although her heart is full of bitterness, she cannot forget the people she once loved... the kingdom she gave her life to defend.

- World of Warcraft Official Webby

Itz kinda amazing how a song manages to convey emotions to the listener (of coz this ain't the only song that touched me thru' my Life - but the rest is just other stories altogether). Apparently I wasn't the only one affected by that. Midway thru' the song, a blood elf happened to walk into the "room". He too sat down & watched the entire "performance"... afterwhich he told me that he likes it a great deal and he always tries to catch it whenever he could. Perhaps thatz what I should try attempt to do now and then too, when I happen to be in Undercity.

Anyway, the history of Sylvanas is tangled with the origins of the Blood Elves (Note: I dun exactly like the way blood elves look - the girls look slutty & the guys look gay) and now am totally intersted to know more about Azeroth and the other races on the overall ~ especially the Forsaken & the Draenei.

More "research" to be done in the future it seems... I've always liked a good fantasy story, speaking of which, am currently trapped in Raymond E. Feist's world of Midkemia too ^^. And thinking further... damn I gotta get my paws on the nxt Dragonlance novel - itz out in the US by now but the last time a friend checked, like last mth or so, it hasn't reached Borders yet. *mumbles* I'm such a geek.

... and thatz a good thing.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:01

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

* groan* Whatz with the weather these days... raining in the evenings when I get outta the office ~ making it a pain in the ass going anywhere after that. Got 3/4 soaked last nite, heading to BBDC for my 2A theory lesson & ended up freezing in the air-conditioned classroom for 1.5hrs or so... then itz another freezing trip back home. Bleah I just hope it doesn't rain tonite. Got tuition to go to. Itz just another couple of weeks that I gotta hang on... after the kid's final exam, am just gonna stop teaching for good. Wastes too much travelling time going all the way dwn to Bt. Panjang for that. Have alredi dropped the one @ Jurong W. Hmm... that'll leave all my evenings free ^-^ I'd like to say "more time for studying for my JLPT" or "more time to do some constructive stuff" but chances are... I'll be spending all that time on WoW (or some other game when I eventually tire of it). I just know though, that my parents will start hounding me to take up some course or whatever ~ thing is, am not gonna do that unless itz muay Thai!! Leaves me more options to schedule my 2A lessons though.
Wonder how long I'll take to pass that one. Yah lah ~ I only passed by 2B on my 6th try. Kinda sucky I know... but I guess, there are worse out there XD Gotta watch my demerits this time. "Died" due to too many points all the way and when I did pass, I passed with what... 18 pts? Lolx. Hmm there are 3 practicals that I gotta go thru', wonder what bike I'll be using & whether I'll be able to handle it well enough. Am taking it with a friend, and I daresay he'll pass so much more quickly than I do. But guess the main issue here is that I don't give up. No matter how long it takes, I'll make sure I get that license... then I'll start on my Class 3 again. Thatz one license thatz gonna be more practical I suppose. Am not sure if I gonna get a Class 2A (though am super tempted by the PGM4) bike eventually, but ah well *shrugx*
Bleah. Itz a shame that I gave up my Class 3 halfway. All that $ down the drain -.-" I gotta go thru' all those theory tests again if I gonna take it... think the advanced one expires pretty soon. *sigh* Shouldn't have started it in the 1st place back then, if I knew I wasn't gonna go thru' with it. Well... now that I'm no longer with that jerkoff, I'd be able to afford the lessons for sure. I just hope I don't get too lazy. All this procrastination is gonna spell my destruction someday - am doing that even at work. Wonder if the boss is gonna boot me outta here once my probation is over. Gahhh, itz gonna be demoralising, but itz not as if I 100% enjoy wrking here or that I'm being paid good money. Hmm but I should count my blessings. At least I have a job... and at least I can use MSN in the office. Can't have the best of everything I reckon.
Thing is... doubt I'm gonna make it to Canada end of this year like I hoped to. Boss was saying that she has 2nd thoughts about the block leave (coz her own Japan trip failed to work out) & said she'll get back to us about that. Think by the time she gets back to us, it'll be way too f**king late to get a plane ticket... bleah even now, think itz alredi too late. Shame. Was kinda hoping to spend Christmas elsewhere this year... but since it ain't possible, chances are I'll spend it in Azeroth instead. Yah lah ~ sounds kinda pathetic, considering that most folks will be out having parties somewhere... but trust me, cover charge for X'Mas or New Year at most clubs, not worth paying for - and the crowds u'll face... *shakes head*
Hmmm... anyhow, just a short video. Enjoy ^^

Shady self-destructed @ 10:02

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Itz past 4am. Am kinda woozed... think I'll drift off to sleep w/o much problems - that is if I allow myself to close my eyes. Eyelids are kinda heavy rite now... and yeah I wonder y am I not asleep. Hmm... just came home from The Arena @ Clarke Quay. Pretty nice place I should say. Hip Hop + R&B with a live band who is pretty entertaining. *grinx* I know, I can get used to this kinda lifestyle I suppose... getting pumped with alcohol now and then. Itz just a shame that there wasn't much of a dance floor & that the folks I went with are more content to sit down and simply chill out. Dun get me wrong, ain't saying that they're bad company... lolx they are great in fact, and yeah as age catches up, I suppose I no longer have the stamina to last the entire nite on the floor. The last time I did that was when Dave was in Singapore & we went to Zouk. Gahh ~ I so physically paid for that the nxt day when I ache all over. rofl. Everyone gets old. Thatz a shame.

Anyway... the crowd there was decent. Not to young - thankfully. Highlight of the nite? This bitch who's wearing a one-piece so short that whenever she moves a little, everyone can get an eyeful of her cyan-colored underwear. Zzz. I wonder if she knows wtf she's doing. yeah yeah u can call me a prig... but I've been brought up right, and I've always believed that girls should learn to "treasure themselves" and not behave so loosely. Granted that females are in bikinis @ the beach and thatz exposing more than that... but pls, there's a time & place for everything. Acting like a slut is such a no no. *shrugx* I know, ain't really my position to comment... but the sight of that really irked my eye - not to mention the guys @ my table were all grinning and whispering away. lolx ~ right... that whore ain't even pretty. lox.

Before that, caught "The Brave One" @ GV Max, Vivo City. Good move, worth a watch on a weekday I should say.

Went to SM Cathedral this noon... and it was hilarious. Me & sotong... started searching for a group using LFM and guess what? All we could find were warriors. rofl. Sent them a pm and they agreed, so added them to the party... and finally managed to get a healer. The lineup - 4 warriors + 1 paladin. Hahaha ~ itz the 1st time I got myself into a group as such. Usually itz like a mixture... there'll be mages, warlocks, rogues... etc. Itz just such a coincidence that everyone who wants to run it @ that hour is a warrior. Who was tanking? Lol... is there a need to? Anyway was pretty skeptical at a start... but the run turned out betta than I expected - much much betta I shall say. Cleared the instance within the hour. haha ~ morale of the story? Who needs other classes manx :P

I know I know, I shouldn't talk about gaming that much. Then again... itz my blog so I guess I can pretty much type whatever I wanna type (screw the f**king concept that there shouldn't be any racist comments - I'll make that whenever I feel like making them... and heyz if u dun like it, no one is stopping u frm getting the f**k outta here - if u get what I mean).

Well... this ain't a racist post btw. Just felt in the "typing mood" and amazingly, I seem to type faster & more accurately when I'm drunk... hic! Betta get some shut eye b4 I collapse at the keyboard. Ain't the 1st time anyway ~ ah well. Whatever.

Shady self-destructed @ 04:35

Thursday, October 11, 2007

This song has been running thru' my head since yesterday afternoon... and yeah I suppose some folks might recognise it as my previous ringtone (recently changed to "Basket Case" - Greenday instead). Well ~ can't say that the lead singer is that gorgeous, though not bad looking on the other hand... and I've no idea what the lyrics mean. Itz just the entire song put together sounds good to me. Hmm... ookie this time this is just a random post w/o any hidden meaning. Am so f**king tired in the office that I'm on the verge of nodding off - which I definitely will if I allow my eyelids to remain close for more than 10 seconds. I know, there's still wrk to do but the more I look @ those files, the more tempting it is to simply rest my head on the table & fade away. So yeah... I guess blogging kinda keeps me a wake a little.

*yawn* Not that I slept that late last nite... close to 1am, pretty decent if u'd ask me. Guess am feeling the effect of Tues nite instead - WoW had their scheduled maintenance so I simply went to sleep after dinner & a little dilly-dallying. That was slightly past 9:30pm. Didn't obtain much rest though, considering that I kept waking up. The initial plan was to meet a friend in game for Wailing Caverns ~ she's supposed to call me to get me up when the server is back on so guess somehow my brain didn't calm down enuff to really slumber. Anyway the phone call nvr came & I simply woke up at at 2am, logged on... and bummed ard for a little. Thought to try my luck looking for a party using LFG (coz my friend was in BFD then... and I didn't really wanna wait till she finished her run due to the late hour). No luck for quite sometime, kept getting 1 member or 2 that d/ced soon and just when I was telling DP I'm gonna just get some shut-eye, group filled up and off to WC I went. So anyway ~ yeah... blah blah blah... ended up finally going back to "sleep" at 7am. Woke up at 8:30am and itz off to wrk.

Itz funny though, should be feeling like the dead yesterday... instead of rite now.

WoW is toxic. Really. Think I should just cool it for a little & not try so hard to keep up with my rl friends who are playing. Gotta keep in mind that 1. I need to wrk 5 days a week, at least 9hrs per day; 2. I have another 2 toons on Barthilas that I don't intend to give up upon; and 3. I have other hobbies aside WoWing. Itz plain madness should I pressure myself to meet the "deadlines" set for instancing. The 1st few lvls are pretty okay... managed to reach the requirement for RFC & WC, but as I get higher up, itz gonna be close to impossible (unless I sacrifice everything else). Hmmm ~ next target should be SFK, though RFK was mentioned. RFK is f**king impossible for me by this weekend lah. I only took my warrior there at what... lvl 33? Oh... my rogue is lvl 21 now. How the fuck am I supposed to gain 12 lvls by tomorrow evening? Tsk tsk. Guess I'll just have to settle for joining random groups when I attain the "correct level" [lol though I did go to SFK last nite with my lvl 16 rogue on Barthilas].

Anyway ~ bleah enuff about WoW. Online tok to friends, tok about WoW. At home tok to bro, tok about WoW. Go out meet friends, tok about WoW. Even toking to DP, tok about WoW (manx can't resist that cute Draenei butt of Rosa's & that little wiggling tail). At work feel restless, check thottbot about WoW. Wah piang ~ this is taking over my life -.-"

Lyrics for the above song...

从来不相信我的世界可以有多完美
痛苦寂寞还有一些疲惫
不允许他人随意进入我的零度空间
宁愿孤独懒的再去想谁

俩个人一起是否只是得到一种安慰
挣脱过去然后忘记一切
没想过有天我的结局忽然全部改变
谁会抓住我的无力双臂
怎么会哭 (谁错谁对为谁抱歉)
不会再哭 (谁错谁对为谁憔悴)

走入零度空间等到一切分裂
就算爱的危险我们一起面对
来不及的防备没听过的誓言
要我怎么学会多了爱的明天

走出零度空间终于一切分裂
就算爱的很累我却不会后悔
放下所有防备一切都无所谓
逃出黑暗世界开始新的明天

新的明天

新的世界

Shady self-destructed @ 16:01

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Pffftttt... am starting to get increasingly frustrated @ wrk as the days go by. Itz been almost 2 mths now, and I daresay I haven't really picked up anything (except their acronyms) as yet. Specific instructions not given. All that's told to me is "take a precedent". Oh ~ and there's no suggestion on which goddamn precedent to use. So what must I do? Fumble thru' the mountain of files & check thru' everything that seems simillar to see if itz simillar? Then nvm. This urgent, that urgent... this want by today, that one can wait - nxt day, why never do that one? Starting to get a little unbearable lah the nagging. I simply tak boleh tahan when ppl nag... be it a mom, bf or friend... much less boss. Sheesh. yah lah, she's like my parents' age but still... just tell me exactly what u fucking want lah - instead of rambling on and on and on and on. The longer she rambles, the more I start to drift off... and when that happens, I'll probably miss out/forget the instructions given in the middle of all those useless words. *sigh* I really dunno how much longer I can tolerate.

The only consolation? Itz much better here than @ the stupid Spring Language School. At least, over here, I don't struggle with my morals everytime a client walks in. Oh, and not to mention, I don't have to read & speak Chinese all the fucking time and translate documents. Gahh itz been so long since I left that godforsaken place but I still get that irritation when I hear someone speaking in the China-accent on the streets just coz it fucking reminds me of that shit-ass place. yah lah ~ slam me. I'm racist.

Ah well ~ anyway am looking forward to the end of this school year. I'll probably quit tuition totally by then. It's just not really worth it, now that I've moved back to Bugis area. Travelling down eats up too much time + petrol costs. Yeah I know, the extra cash is good (extra $ always is - even if itz just a hundred or so) but I gotta really consider if I wanna exhaust myself that way. A full-time job is alredi taking up much of my energy. I should really just take it easy in the evenings, sit back relax... watch an anime or drama, spend all my time on WoW or meet up with friends for dinner now and then, instead of rushing over to one of the ends of the island. Not to mention, tuition really disrupts my dinner time. Yah... I don't get off wrk early enuff to actually sit down and have a nice dinner @ home. I've gotta like break my dinner into 2 parts - once b4 I leave then once when I come home. Zzz. *shrugx* I dun care that ultimately all this boils down to me being lazy. I'm alredi wrking more than 8hrs a day. I think I do fucking deserve to be lazy after office hrs & I dun give a fuck what u think about that.

*nod nod* There have been ppl who tell me that I should spend my time more constructively. But I suppose "constructive" is a subjective term. I see spending time doing whatever I like to please myself as "constructive" enough. Going for self-enrichment classes, reading self-improvement books... well that just seems dumb to me. Unless u really do enjoy doing such shit. Then ookie lah ~ thatz "constructive" to u. My point? Well... my point is ~ at the end of the day, the best thing to do is nothing.

Damn. Tuition again later. How I wish I could just go home and WoW.

Friends are talking about starting a Horde character on another server. Server's alredi been selected: Dragonmaw & I've alredi created my Undead rogue there. Tauren warrior & Troll shaman are also done /gg Doesn't mean I'm gonna dump my Draenei though - spent too many hours on her to give her up that easily... and not to mention, have made a few nice acquaintances in game ^-^ Yeah thatz the appeal of mmorpgs like I've stated b4. Sometimes, nothing matters except spending some time with the friends u meet online. Folks may argue that itz just virtual friendship & it ain't worth the time spent... *shrugx* once again a matter of perception. All I can say is ~ without my TM guildies on Ebil a couple of mths back... I wouldn't have gotten thru' a frustrating period of time that easily. Yeah I am saying that those "virtual friendships" are more real than "real friends" who don't even listen.

Everything is just subjective ehx?

Shady self-destructed @ 17:45

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

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