Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Monday, January 29, 2007

Just returned home from the SPCA - and now I feel like wanting a cat even more!! Lolx, funny how animals sometimes do that to u. Walked into the cattery... and the 1st cat that caught my eye with this huge white fella with a black spot on it's body. Spent most of the time there playing with it, stroking it a little and all. The other cat that caught my attention was this tuxedo fella with amazing green eyes. What a beauty!! Haha, but frankly, if I had to choose between one or another, I would probably have picked up the white one... coz it came up to me, instead of vice versa.

Cats aside, there's this really adorable medium sized dog too - Burton, if I didn't get his name wrong. A black dude. Itz a shame that the SPCA doesn't allow HDB dwellers to adopt the big dogs. Damn HDB - filled with stupid laws & all. Considering that most folks in Singapore live in HDB flats, that seriously limits the no. of good homes avaliable for the animals that need them the most. Yeah... perhaps HDB dwellers, can't afford certain luxuries for the dogs that private home owners can, due to a lower income, but if u ask me, material things don't matter that much. Itz whether the person is willing to dedicate his/her life to the animal that matters. Look @ it this way. A poor dude, who earns only $10 a day - but spends $5 on his dog Vs a rich fella earning a 6-figure sum per mth, spending $100 on his dog. True. Dog no. 2 will have a better quality of life. But who really is the better owner?

It all boils down to effort lah. Same goes to relationships as well. I'd rather be with an average guy who takes the effort to do stuff with me, than be with a rich guy who spends all his time @ work, travelling... etc. But ah well... don't really wanna blab about such a topic rite now -.-"

Anyway, read the latest issue of Reader's Digest and there's this interesting article about 12 scientifically proven ways to increase your chances of finding the perfect partner. LoLx plus there are a couple of love-related stuff in it. Guess there's no avoiding the Valentine's Day fever. *shakes head* That damned thingy is everywhere. Cinemas offering special packages for couples, restaurants offering v-day specials, newspapers having special classified sections for love messages... etc. Gah!! For sure I'll be spending V-Day running ard on my tuition assignments. Such a shame huh? LoLx

Thank goodness itz just Valentine's Day... and NOT Valentine's week.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:15

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Sheesh... u are NEVER free when I ask u to go out with me. Always filled with excuses - tired lah, work lah, broke lah, going somewhere else lah... seriously that coincidental mehx? Itz oso not as if I ask every single f**king day. How is that then, you always have time to go out with friends of urs? Even when plans are made in advance, something always crops up @ the last minute. Something more important. And you don't bother informing me early enough for me to make other plans. Oh... come to think of it, you never did bother to suggest an alternative when you "couldn't make it", did u? Ahhh f**k it lah. I get the point!! You just rather be doing something else. *sigh* know what? You could have told me right frm the start, so I wouldn't waste energy asking... waste energy getting irritated... etc. Not to mention, u wouldn't have to waste energy coming out with excuses either. Now, isn't that a win win situation? So why the hell do I still ask when I 'get the point'? Simple... coz I just enjoy getting pissed off everytime u turn me down & everytime u dua me.

Now that doesn't make sense, does it? *pissed*

Shady self-destructed @ 02:56

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Yeah!! Managed to get some work done today & am feeling pretty pleased with myself ^-^. Mustered up a huge ton of willpower to do about 1hr or so of Jap revision. It ain't much - managed to clear just 2 chapters of Elementary II, note taking and all, but guess thatz betta than nothing ehx? Elementary I is too basic to be taking notes I guess... darn still got like all the way to Intermediate III to go, not to mention, current lessons. Lolx. Whatever. Will take it a step at a time. Pointless to be upset at something I didn't do. Earlier today, steeled myself to send out a resume that I wanted b4 heading down to Hereen for lunch. *grinx* Hopefully I'll get simillar motivation tml noon. Considering that I've got only 1 class tml in the evening, am hoping that I can clear at least till the end of E-II. And if things go well, I should be able to get I-I done before this Sunday's class.

Doubt am going anywhere this Sat, though it does feel tempting to ask someone out. But ah well... instead of toying with the possiblity of me getting rejected, ain't gonna try at all this weekend. There's "War of the Worlds" on HBO @ 9pm. Guess thatz good enuff a reason to stay home! Had wanted to catch that movie when it came out on the big screen... but I suppose I didn't have enuff moolah back then. Either that or I simply didn't have the company. *shrugx* Doesn't matter much now. Will watch it Sat.

Today was one relaxing day - am glad for this mid-week break. Have shifted today's classes, with exception of the morning one, to Mon & Tues... so was pretty free. Had Sakae Sushi @ Hereen and spent a couple of hours talking nonsense. Afterwhich, was supposed to go for some 'briefing', but guess my intuition got the better of me. I didn't attend it. Wonder if itz a good or bad thing, but my intuition hasn't proven me wrong yet. Instead, went straight home, and took a short nap b4 catching RAW. Tried watching a DVD earlier while having supper - Suicide Manual 2... but it was ultra boring. Didn't survive till the end.

An interesting topic popped out during lunch earlier. The idea of having a bf w/o the emotions involved. Wonder if thatz really possible? For guys maybe - considering that they can f**k w/o feeling anything for the gal... but for girls who are more emotional creatures? Heh yeah initially I thought it was a stupid idea, but after further thought, I can understand y such a decision was made. Well... though itz not to the disgusting extent of having a f**k buddy, there is some physical stuff invovled - holding hands, hugging I guess. Nothing more than that but the common affection shared during the 1st stage of a r/s. Yeah... there are times that I do wish that I am able to recapture the feelings involved.

You know... the feeling of having butterflies in ur tummy when u 1st go out with the person u like. The tension & all... and the feeling of just wanting to go over to give that person one big hug when u see him. The kinda feeling that u get when u just stare at the phone, and suddenly he SMSes u or gives u a call. The feeling of drifting off the sleep while chatting on the phone with that special someone. All those small talk... meaning nothing yet everything. *sigh* Itz just some kinda sweet feeling I guess. Can't really describe it, but guess most folks should know what I mean.

Wonder if I'll ever feel those again.

Ah well... doesn't matter. I guess that somehow I'll still survive even if I've to walk thru' my entire life journey alone. Then again, I won't necessarily be alone. There are other relationships worth pursuing. There are many different kinds of love existing in the world. My priority now should be friendship - to strengthen the friendships I am lucky to have, try revive those that I've allowed to fade & to forge new ones if possible. Why do I suddenly feel all this? Lolx yeah u can say that itz coz I've been reading yet another edition of Chicken Soup for the Soul lately (Pre-Teen) - borrowed frm one of my tuition kids. Reading about the shit other ppl go thru' doesn't improve my own, and frankly am thankful that I don't have to face as much as some of them do... but reading how they managed to still stay alive & keep themselves positive does help. I mean, heyz, if those kids could do it, I don't see why I can't! No way that they can be stronger than me, can they?

Plus reading some of the stuff the kids wrote gives me some kinda hope - that the world is not as rotten as I think it is. When asked "if I could change the world for better, I would...", one exceptionally nice comment came from Wilson Cook, nine - "Help people realize that people like me who learn and do things differently than them are still really the same underneath it all. We want to be like and smiled at."

Another response to the same question worth mentioning is from Steve Hayden, thirteen - "Give ever child a blanket, not only to keep them warm, but to snuggle with. We each need something to hold onto, and a fuzzy blanket would help keep away the problems of the world, if only for a moment or two."

*grinx* Perhaps sometimes, it takes a kid to remind what us, adults, have forgotten. That at times, solutions to problems can be so darn simple... and heyz... I guess no matter how old we get, no matter how many years we live... we still want the same things we did when we were children - just in different materliazations.

One last quote for today: What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other - George Eliot (Don't ask me wth George Eliot is, I don't know and frankly... I can't really be bothered to know :P)

Know what? Maybe, just maybe, itz okay to cry afterall...

Shady self-destructed @ 04:04

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

When you are sad I will dry your tears
When you are scared I will erase your fears

When you are worried I will give you hope
If you want to give you I'll help you cope

When you're lost and can't see the light
I'll be your beacon shining so bright

This is my oath that I pledge to the end
Why you may ask?

Because you're my friend

- Nicole Ritchie, quoted from "Chicken Soup for the Pre-Teen Soul"

Shady self-destructed @ 16:05

You've been hurt by unspeakable pain and sadness,
Shoulder the burden of the past that cannot be erased
Don't throw away your will to live

I held your hand...

Will we lose it someday?
I want to protect you and your fading smile
Even if the resounding voice calling me should wither,
Even if it gets erased by the wind over time

I will find you

You've been hurt by unspeakable pain and sadness, but
Don't say things like "I can't laugh" or "I hate people"
There's a meaning in everything that happens in the unseen future,
So stay like this, there'll be a time when you realize it

D-technoLife (translated) - UVERworld
Bleach 2nd opening song

*shrugx* I ain't one to always post lyrics on my blog... but somehow... well... I dunno. I just felt like posting those. Perhaps itz the exact words I'd like to say to someone... then again, it also seems like the words I should say for myself. The specific words that pulled a chord are - "wararenai nante, hito kirai nante kotoba sou iwanaide". Guess itz coz I have those thoughts often... ah well.

Shady self-destructed @ 03:09

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Harusame is no longer as fast as she used to be - I wonder if itz coz her engine hath weaked after all this while, or if the rider simply became slower. Both perhaps. Guess what I normally claim makes sense - the top speed of a bike is equivalent to the top speed of the rider. Of coz that statement is only limited based on the assumption that the rider's top speed does not exceed that of the bike. Mine certainly doesn't. Thatz the excuse I give when folks ask me time & again, 'why didn't I mod Harusame'. Simply put - there's no need to. I have no idea what Harusame's top speed is, though I will reckon itz somewhere around 160kmph. But it doesn't matter, does it? My top speed is 140kmph, and thatz the fastest she'll ever go with me. Yeah maybe u can say that I'm holding her back. I just ain't that into speed. Don't see the point in zooming ard the expressways if I ain't late.

Anyway, was riding along the KJE earlier & had the sudden mood of exceeding my normal travelling speed of 90kmph (yesh, I travel @ that pace on both normal roads & expressways). Pulled on the throttle a little, then gradually somemore. It just felt different frm what I remembered. Maybe u can say that I remembered wrong, since itz been a long time since I exceeded 120kmph. *shrugx* But the 'power' doesn't seem to be existent anymore. Perhaps her muscles have gotten use to the constant snail's pace. Well... one thing for sure, I've gotten used to it. Had the temptation to close the throttle once the speedo needle reached close to 110 - actually felt that it was too fast! Too fast!! Imagine that! When I 1st got her, thatz the usual speed I was travelling @ nite. Reckless huh? Eventually, I did close the throttle, after the needle past the 110 mark.

Intended to try it once again on my way back, and things were going fine... 100... 110... 120... till I saw a damned traffic police car parked by the side of the road. Wonder if the coppers were equipped with a speed trap. I did brake, but am not too sure if it was too late - unsure of the distance they actually start 'catching'. It could be frm as near as 20m, or as far as 100m. If itz 20m, guess I'm still safe... but 100m... ookie, am so dead. Bloody hell, why do coppers always materialise only when I have the mood to speed? I'm travelling @ 90kmph everday and hardly see them. @$*$&~

Well... guess I'll try it again someday. To see if itz a problem getting up to 140kmph again. Am getting softer as the years pass me by. *sigh* I daresay I'll be travelling at only 60kmph half a decade frm now. LoLx what a horrible thought.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:27

Friday, January 19, 2007

Couldn't find the dictionaries. Guess am destined to splurge again this mth. So much for trying to survive on measly tuition pay. Can't even break even the previous mth (coz I had to pay $200 for the registration fees for the Jap course & 3 mths worth of broadband bills), not to mention making voluntary CPF contribution. *sigh*

Think I'll be starting to search for a full-time job earlier than I think. Had a few tuition assignments cancelled... and am cancelling one more - the troublesome one @ Jelapang 505. Yeah sure, itz within walking distance, and itz $25/lesson... but the amt of shit I get frm the parent & kid ain't worth it. For one thing, the parent keeps cancelling & postponing lessons. Another thing, delayed payment. One excuse after another. Oh, and the most annoying thingy of all - the mum keeps SMSing and calling me at wrong times!! Lolx yeah u may say that everytime is a wrong time for me, but hello, this is seriously outta hand lah. Lesson alredi confirmed. Still gotta SMS me in the morning @ 10am to reconfirm... and then again @ 1:45pm to ask if I'm coming. Eh I got betta things to do than be glued to the hp lah, trust me. Too stupid to understand meaning of the word 'confirm'?

Zzz... anyway it hasn't been that great these few dayz. Lost count of the times I was hovering on the brink of sanity manx. Itz simply by sheer willpower (or the lack of balls) that I managed not to do anything that I'll probably regret in the future - hmm... if there is life after death, that is. Sheesh... one thing for sure though, I gotta stop relying on others. I can't expect anyone to be putting up with my verbal diarrhoea all the time. *shrugx* Guess I should somehow be my own pillar of strength, so it won't be that bad when no one answers the phone when I need someone to talk to. Bottling up all that problems ain't healthy, but guess what a friend mentioned is true - talk too much to others, and it'll only seem as if u are glorifying ur own misery. Besides, no one really wants to listen. Everyone has their own cross to bear. Likewise, I can't say for sure that I'll be a very good listening ear - but I daresay I'll try... that is if anyone trusts me enuff to share their problems with. Somehow ppl just don't - and I don't really wanna know why.... coz chances are it'll only make me more depressed than I alredi am. At times ignorance is bliss I suppose.

Guess the smart ones are those who clamp up when things aren't going right. Haix... but one thing for sure though, having someone to talk to really does help.

But somehow. I reckon I won't die.

PS. Don't gimme the shit that there are people in the world who have things harder than I do. I know there are. But that thought doesn't make me feel any better, nor does it make my baggage easier to lug around.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:03

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

*pissed off* Some asshole peeled off half my devil sticker on the front of Harusame. See lah!! Live in this kinda neighbourhood area. F**ked up ppl all over the place. Such folks are so badly brought up that they vandalise anything they see fit. This ain't the 1st time my bike hath been tampered with. Yeah yeah I should consider myself lucky that it ain't something really serious (ie. cutting of my brake wire)... but itz annoying all the same. Hardly likely am I gonna find out who the culprit is, but if I do... that guy/gal's bike is as good as gone. Am gonna just f**king take it apart manx. True, I dunno much about bikes... but give me a spanner & allen key... whatever screw I see, I remove. Whatever wire exposed, I cut. As for the person who took my volt meter? He/she is gonna get it worse. Am gonna make sure that the exhaust falls off while riding on the road halfway & the brakes jam.

Went to Amber 21 earlier - some ktv pub @ boat quay. *sigh* Think I should just undergo a makeover or something. Just look at all the girls around. Nice long hair, sweet voice... etc. there's nothing I can do about my voice, being born this way... but guess I should really start doing something about my outlook. Saw myself in the mirror earlier and hated the face starring back at me. Am just sick & tired of being treated like I'm worthless. Perhaps if I'm prettier, I'll be one hurting others... instead of the other way round. Call me selfish if you wish, there is just a limit of how much nonsense a person can take. And perhaps if I'm better looking, there's a higher chance that the guy I like (whoever he may be in the future) will have mutual feelings. Rite now? LoLx tell someone 'I like you' is enuff to scare that person to kingdom come. Had that kinda experience b4, and it doesn't feel good. But can't blame the guy I guess. Who will want to date someone who looks like me?

Enough of self-depreciation. I should stop caring about such matters & simply become a block of wood. Emotionless, heartless & detached frm everything that happens around me. Thatz the best way, isn't it?

Shit. Can't find my hiragana dictionary. Think am gonna just go thru' those carton boxes once again tml. I need that bloody thing for my homewrk this week!! Took my French dictionary back with me... I wonder why. Hmm come to think of it, I wonder why in the world do I have it in the 1st place. Ah well, it should come in handy when DP ever teaches me French.

Time to snooze. Wonder if I can fall asleep...

Shady self-destructed @ 02:41

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Ookie... scrape the idea of exercise. Kingston was whinning when that fucknut got home, and he wanted me to bring the dog down immediately. Kaox... when I complained that I have yet to eat and will do so after dinner, he leashed Kingston and left in a huff. D-u-h. Can't I just get a day of peace @ home? Instances like this really make me wish that he doesn't come home every nite. Ah well doesn't matter... gonna do some cross-stitch after dinner then, while slacking in front of the TV. Might play a little of TS2, but will just Phoenix on to download stuff. Need a little relaxation if I wanna have a better night's sleep.

Plus whatever lousy mood I had when I woke up was erased by a good set lunch @ Jack's Place. Dad's treat - didn't have to pay a cent. :P

Japanese class went as I expected. I was confused. Lolx. Realised that I forgot all of the basics. Hahaha... the forms of the verb lah, I was totally blur when starring at the worksheet. But thankfully, when the teacher spoke in Jap (the entire class was conducted in Jap btw), I could understand 80% of what she's talking... so yeah... still not too bad. Got alot of revision to do siahx. Not to mention, learnt new grammar & vocab today. Arrgghhh there's tons of homework too. And tmd. I just realised that I forgot to bring my hirgana dictionary home!! Ah well... gotta check some words online if I can then. *shrugx* Will not be doing any of the homewrk till tml. Let my poor brain take a rest.

Nonetheless, it was fun.

Shady self-destructed @ 20:15

I just hope I won't fall asleep in class later. Thankfully I ain't the kinda person who develops eyebags easily... or i would have panda eyes rite now. It just ain't right. Had a rotten night. *sigh* Slumber was plagued by silly dreams & I kept waking up. 8am, then 8:30am... then 10am... then 11 odd... till finally I gave up even trying to sleep anymore. Clocked about 7hrs of interrupted snooze. To think that initially I thought it'll be a peaceful night, but guess shit happens in life & there's nothing I can do about it.

My tummy is growling so bad. Wonder when is dad coming home, and wonder what kinda lunch will I be having later. Maybe some nice food will ease the pressure in the brain. And no, it wasn't the hunger that woke me. I just got sick of lying in bed, trying to sleep & letting my thoughts run. The mattress ain't exactly damn comfortable - too hard, though for some illogical reason, my parents like it alot.

I should try Brain's suggestion. Exercise. Exercise till it hurts so bad... excercise till I'm so physically exhausted that I shut down mentally too. Perhap this evening/night, will take Kingston out for a run. F**k the running shoes lah. I doubt my feet can be even more injured than it alredi is (yeah the pain in the ball of my right foot has yet to go away... itz bad somedays but itz okay on some - same problem with my right pinkie but guess thatz totally unrelated - wonder why those physical wounds are taking so long to heal), hopefully my converse shoes are sufficient to cushion against the cold hard floor. Doesn't matter if it rains. Am just gonna do it, and then have a nice warm shower when I get back.

Then perhaps tonite, I will get a proper night's rest.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:57

[translated frm Mandarin] "wahhh what happened to u, u look so haggard" Arrgghhh itz that comment again. Was kinda expecting it but it was still *siggghhhhhhh* when I heard it. Met up with ex-GV staff. Lette me think, itz like at least 3 years since I last saw them. We did keep in contact for a bit when we quit @ different points of time... but after that, as Life got in the way - like it always does - we drifted apart. Hell, I was so damned shocked when Fiza suddenly SMSed me & asked me for dinner coz she had something to announce (her marriage). With exception of 2 members, the entire gang was there. LoLx... kk, itz just the 4 of us. 1 was my ex-bf which obviously no one asked (wonder if anyone still contacts him), the other guy couldn't make it at the last min. Met at PS, 8pm for dinner.

PS... the place that held so many wonderful memories for all of us. It was at the GV cinema that we got to know each other. Then... all of us were part-timers, studying & wrking at the same time. Those were wonderful days. Really. I was sooooo damn happy back then. Plus the nonsense we did - ie. sneaking into cinemas to watch the movies, smoking @ the toilets, doing candybar closing together, waiting for each other to finish our shifts so we can go for supper and all later. Ahhhhh that was so long ago ^-^

Frankly I was initially wondering whether I should show up. I mean... itz been so long since we last met and none of us really bothered to keep in contact. Guess I was afraid that it would end up awkward. But heck, since I was supposed to meet a friend to watch soccer after that and would be in the area anyway, I thought - might as well get myself some dinner. Well it was awkward at 1st. When all of us saw each other and said 'hi'. Went to Ajisen, and somehow, things just fell into place. After all the small talk of 'what are u doing now'... yadda yadda, the topics just emerged fast & quick. Feels as if it was just a week ago since we quit the place. The years simply faded away. *grinx* as to how long ago was it. Simple. I was wrking there when I was still in poly & quit in my 3rd year.

Anyway after dinner, went to a pub along Selegie to watch the matches. My friend didn't turn up [itz ookie lah, gotta apologise coz I didn't know my friends were interested in watching the match too... tot they were leaving just after dinner... so guess u lost ur mood when I told u they were there - me bad, aight? u'll forgive me, won't u?], Fiza left early... but James & Brain stayed on. 1st game - Watford Vs Liverpool, then the 2nd - Man Utd vs Aston Villa... and just when we decided to call it a night, well... somehow watched the 3rd one - Blackburn Vs Arsenal @ a coffee shop downstairs my block. Gee I wonder how in the world I managed to sit thru' that many games!! Got alot to catch up with siahx... Man Utd hath changed so much that I can't recognise more than half of the starting lineup!! Lol to think that years ago I could list out the players in jersey no. order... starting frm no. 1 Schmeichel till the reserve squad - of coz I can't remember them now lah!!

Gee I think the soccer passion is returning. Lolx to think that I once told myself that I'll never forsake the sport. Actually felt something when Rooney hit the crossbar. Know what? I might just continue watching matches every weekend frm today onwards - just as I used to do. So yeah, who wanna watch, pls jio ahx!!

Am gonna make 1 more resolution for 2007. That is to revive old friendships. I never knew how much I missed them till I saw them again ~ and they were not the only ones who made me feel that way lately. Been meeting up with 'old friends', and... yeah I miss all of them. Wonder if we will still know each other a decade frm now. It will be a shame if we ever did lose contact totally. A real shame.

Shady self-destructed @ 04:10

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Just had a tiny movie marathon, starting with the last 15min or so of "Contact" - the one staring Jodie Foster, then it was "Felicity" - some movie that I haven't even heard of b4 today, and ended with "Daylight" - the really old one with Sylvester Stallone.

First up, "Contact". I don't remember much of this movie, except the ending... and itz not coz I just watched it again a couple of hrs ago. Itz the very idea of the existence of alien life forms that captivated me in the 1st place. Back then, I was really into the idea of life out there. I still believe that we are not alone in the universe... but right now, I just don't spend hours and hours thinking about the possibilities. Itz just pointless thinking about something that can't be proven @ this point of time, ain't it? But there was this line mentioned in the movie, by Foster's character, that rang true - the universe is such a huge place... that if we are the only ones around, it's a real waste of space [paraphrased coz I can't remember the exact damn words].
Perhaps someday 1st contact will be made, if it has not alredi been.

Well... just put it this way. I like the idea of a Star Trek kinda universe ~ itz a time when wars are fought... with others, and not amongst ourselves. Plus it'll be really cool to be able to travel @ warp speed & have interplanetary travel, don't u think? *grinx* Unfortunately, I doubt I'm blessed (or cursed) with that long a lifespan :P

Next up: Felicity. Ain't too sure what the full title of the movie is. Didn't register it in my mind coz was desperately trying to read one of my ol' Jap books. Needless to say, I didn't succeed. Anyway, the movie is set in those olden kinda era... victorian maybe? When women wore corsets, petticoats... etc. and were brought up to be "real ladies" -u know lah, serving tea, dancing and all that shite. Well... frankly, I didn't intend to watch it in the 1st place. Was tempted to press the off switch, but itz great that I didn't. Guess itz one of those 'motivational' movies - that tell u, when u put ur heart into something, u'll succeed. Plus... kindess really begets kindness & the thingy I remembered most - is when Felicity's mother told her, after the death of her grandpa - that nothing can destroy love.

Yeah I'm becoming one huge softie. Sue me.

Then it was "Daylight". Gosh, how long hath it been since I watched that movie? Heh... got me kinda thinking, perhaps there's something worth retaining of the human race. The human spirit. I wonder how would I react if I was placed in such a situation... when I confront Death. Will I simply lie back and let Death take me (I would if Death = Brad Pitt... lol), or would I fight for my survival. *shrugx* But this guy's death in the movie struck me a little. He mentioned that he had yet many things to do... he has yet to get a nice fancy car, and he finally found the woman he loved... but yet to tell her so. Well I wonder... if I'm in that situation, will I have any regrets left in my life?

Maybe I should stop harping about things that are done, things tat I can't change... and start looking to see how my life could be better frm now onwards. Ah well... ain't gonna suddenly become this positive cheerful creature just coz of a movie, but will keep it in mind.

Hmm... itz Jap class tml. Wonder how am I gonna fare. All I'm praying is that I manage to keep up. Yeah, I didn't go thru' all the books that I wanted to. Perhaps I'll have time for 1 more book tonite while watching a couple of matches... but I won't bet on that. LoLx ~ well Kingston is over here again ^-^ shame that I ain't gonna be home tonite, but I'll bring him for one looooong walk come Sunday nite. Oookie ookie, he'll be the one bringing me for a walk, not the other way round. I said it - happy?

Shady self-destructed @ 18:42

Thursday, January 11, 2007

OMFG!! Just look @ Tigger now!! Heh heh... am so glad that the family hath adopted him is loving him to bits. Most of all, am glad that they actually do bother to stay in contact =) Gee... cats are such charming fellas, aren't there?

Just 1 look at Meow, and suddenly the world doesn't seem to be such a rotten place anymore :P Oooh... and there's this other cat at the void deck of Jurong E. Gorgeous dude - grey in color, and ultimately friendly. Imagine, he can actually come up to me, jump up to the table in front... then after a while, will crawl onto my lap. Lol thatz one thing Meow would never do. Meow is just not that much of a lap-kitty, if u get what I mean. He prefers just sitting @ a spot... grooming, stonning or just snoozing. He tolerates strokes... but touch too much and u'll see him start flinching. But the captivating part about Meow? When he sees u enter the house, he'll stand up, walk towards u and make this weird noise thatz not exactly puring... but not mewing either, then wander ard ur legs for a bit.

Cats simply do rawk!!

Shady self-destructed @ 21:10

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Gahhhhh!!! Took all my will power just to drag myself outta the bed. Well, my hp alarm did its job, woke me up at 630am. Normally I would just drift back to sleep, but I wasn't that tired this morning (guess coz I slept slightly earlier than I normally would last nite). Coupled with that sickening feeling I got when I realised that I was all alone in the house again, and no one came home last nite - try as I did, I can't help feeling a twinge of frustration - I realised that if I were to drift back to sleep, itz gonna be 1/2hr later and thatz when I was supposed to wake up! So I didn't wanna make it worse. Simply lay there beneath the quilt, snuggling up to the blosters... yeah there are 2 coz there's no one home except me, remember? Sheesh it just felt soooooo damn good. The break of dawn. The sun isn't even fully up yet and the air is just so damned cool even w/o the air con on. This is the time that ppl should go to sleep, NOT wake up & face the rest of the day lying ahead.

*sigh* All that is missing is a pair of warm arms. Enjoyed that kinda feeling once before, but guess it'll just not happen ever again. There's just too much at stake, too much to invest... the price is way too high for just a pair of limbs.

Hmm... just had this sadistic thought. Perhaps in future, I'll just set my alarm at this hour for the sake of it. To get the pleasant feeling of curling up in bed & dropping off to sleep w/o a care in the world. LoL but disrupted sleep is bad. Makes u feel slightly tired when u wake up. *sigh* The bed is just so comfy. Yet another reason y I'm unwilling to move back to my parents place for good. I swear... I'm gonna get something just like this all to myself in future. Without all the frustration & heartache involved. Frankly, I don't even understand why I still get that negative feeling when I realise that jerk ain't home. This time itz yet another tall tale that he has to go for a "ship" coz his colleague hath been in an "accident" on the way - as if I'll believe that when I so clearly heard that he's gonna go to some pub with his friends earlier. I may be dumb, making all this rotten decisions, but not that dumb. But guess what a friend of mine mentioned is true. Though the love no longer exists. Itz been so long that any human is bound to have some lingering feeling. Itz the kinda feeling when u throw away an old blanket or something. *shrugx*

Damn. Am so tempted to simply cook up some excuse and cancel all my morning classes. Wonder if I'm supposed to go to Woodlands later after Gombak RC coz the mum didn't respond to my SMS 2 dayz ago. Ah well... will simply call later, at the end of my 1st class. *shrugx* Yeah the morning class does bring in an extra $100+/mth... but somehow, I guess I'm willing to trade that for the luxury to sleep in. This is the main compelling reason y I am so unwilling to search & take up a full-time job. I don't mind working till late in the night... say 9-10pm or so, but I do mind waking up early and leaving the house in the morning. Lol yeah guess u can call me a misfit in life. Nocturnal creatures just shouldn't be walking ard in the day.

*sigh* Pointless avoiding the inevitable. Gotta leave now... wonder how am I gonna get thru' the rest of the day. Itz gonna be a loooooong one.

Shady self-destructed @ 07:15

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Once again I woke up b4 I meant to. 2hrs before the time I set on my alarm clock. That sucks doesn't it? Makes my day longer than it alredi is. *sigh* All thanks to a lousy phonecall - frm one of my tutee's mum. I hate it when she calls. She has this habit of letting the phone ring once, then stop... then she'll SMS me to ask if I'm free to talk. WTH rite? Why can't just f**king call, let the phone ring. If I can answer, I'll will. Then when I sms back that i'm free, nah she doesn't call. 1hr later, I call her, she's busy. DUH!! This parent is annoying me big time. If it ain't for the fact that she has yet to pay me for the 1st 2 lessons that I've been to & the books that I bought for the kid... I would have called the tuition off & ignored her. Damnit. Thatz just one of the negative aspects of tuition. Till now i've yet collect the fees frm the AMK kid last year oso... and he ain't responding to my SMS. Thatz downright annoying, coz itz close to $150 there.

Managed to summon sufficient willpower to play Wild Arms 3 last nite.. and it ws frustrating. No matter how hard I searched, couldn't make Ka Dingel appear on the goddamned map. Even resorted to looking 4 a walkthru'. Found one that makes no sense. In the end.. itz bro to the rescue. He took the controller, set all random battles to auto & viola, the tower emerged within 3 min. He ignored the walkthru' totally. Tmd. And it was right around the spot I had been searching the past 1/2hr for. LoL applies to life as well huh? Sometimes things are just so close by, but u are so preoccupied with following the instructions someone else laid for u, that u miss them totally.

*shrugx* Anyway watched Suicide Club yesterday. Only mnaged to understand half the movie coz it was totally in Jap and once again, I couldn't find the subs. But the scenes were good enough. *grinx* Such movies just warp ur brain. The opening scene. Just a seemingly normal day @ the train station. School seems to have let off and suddenly there were tons of students who were going home. But as the train nears, they form a line... held hands & jumped. Another scene. It was just a normal school day, students having their break at the rooftop when suddenly one girl runs to the edge and starts yelling. Other kids nearby join her. They held hands and jumped too.

*smiles* wonder if I will have the guts to do it when it coms to that. But I guess, with support from others, I would.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:12

Monday, January 08, 2007

Found the Intermediate textbooks... and in the process found something more important to me @ this precise moment. Stashed away in one of the cartons was my past... a collection of black imation discs. I even forgot those existed. Placed the one labelled 'mtl 002' into my PC and listened for a bit to songs frm the past. Tracks that some of which... I even forgotten the titles to. Itz metal alright. There is Metallica, Iced Earth, Disturbed and a couple of other bands that I can't remember rite now. Yet the music simply seemed so familliar... so gentle... comforting. The long lonely nights spent in the solitude of my own room back at Bugis. Nothing to keep me company but the perpetual darkness & symphonies of the night.

Gradually the melodious music awakened something inside me. The lyrics tugged at something that must have been sleeping all this while. A part of me that I thought was long buried & gone. A part of me that I once sought to vanquish... coz I'm afraid of it. Know what? Am thankful that I didn't succeed back then. Coz thinking of which, itz the part of me that kept my soul frm shattering into a million pieces.

I took a small swipe @ my arm with a tiny pair of scissors. Nah... no blood. I didn't allow myself to cut that deep. Shouldn't leave a scar either, coz itz nth more than a little scratch. Hmm... come of think of it, there was no pain either. Just a slight ticklish feeling. *grinx* It'll be nice to see blood pouring frm an open wound though. But *shrugx* a promise is a promise I guess. Then again... y should I keep a promise towards someone I don't even remember when everyone turns their back on me and break their promises?

Sanctuary.

Welcome back my friend. With you, nothing else matters.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:25

Had a really long talk with a friend last nite. Just coz I couldn't sleep and there were things that I needed to get off my chest - things that I don't even wish to blog about... but itz making me feel so messed up that I could just tear my hair off... scalp and all. Ookie... thatz a lie ^-^ I'll nvr be bald if I could help it! Anyway I finally went to sleep ard 5+ I guess, turned on the air con and all. Cut class this morning. I simply didn't go. *sigh* I hate that assignment anyway. All the way @ Woodlands and the kid is a stupid brat. I know, I keep telling myself that I can't deny $ but uhmm like I blogged b4, my willpower just ain't strong enough. I know I could have dragged myself there, sleepy and all if I wanted to... but I just needed rest. Am feeling just so mentally drained and this morning isn't that much better.

I can't concentrate on anything now.

Tried to watch the latest ep of Bleach but my mind kept drifting. Guess I'll just blog a little to hold on to whatever sanity I have left. Or maybe I'll just continue reading the John Saul book I was last nite. *sigh* Later still gotta rummage thru' those dusty cartons. Well... itz gonna be troublesome if I don't find those books!

One of the topics talked about last nite was... why couldn't life just be simple? You know... grow up, find a really nice guy that u love & who loves u back, get married, have kids & live happily ever after. Yeah I remember blogging about this before. I'm no princess, so I'll never deserve a Prince Charming. Sad, isn't it? When I think about things this way. That certain events in life never happen coz I probably ain't good enough. *sigh* But look... even Princess Fiona has Shrek. Just shows me how f**ked up my reality is.

You know what? I got this feeling that sooner or later, am gonna just hate looking @ my own reflection in the mirror. I never liked myself too much to begin with. Just look at me. My hair is unruly, my eyes are too small, my features too normal for anyone to pay attention too. Plain looking w/o makeup. And thatz just the face. Look further... I'm too short, my arms resemble sticks, I'm flat-chested, having a slight bulge for a tummy... I don't have a nice perky butt, my tighs are fat & stumpy, my calves flabby + my feet really small. Doesn't sound too good, does it? How can anyone love someone like that? How can anyone like that even think of experiencing true love?

Lol... wake up ShaDy. Itz time that u made the most of what u can do, and ignore things that you can't. You are just 1 little human, too insigificant to make any changes. Hahah yeah perhaps u could change things if u were a little prettier... but heyz, thatz not gonna happen. You know how u look like. Guys just don't like that. Plus guess what? You don't fucking need a guy in your life anyway. Be strong. It hurts, yeah it does. But somehow the pain will fade away. All that matters now is not to get hurt ever again. Stop thinking that someday, a knight in shinning armour will come on a magnificant white steed to save u from all this craziness. It won't happen. There are many better looking girls out there for the knight to sweep of their feet. The knight won't even notice you.

kono kanji ga honto no warui da ne. mou ii yo. mou tatataki hoshii kunai. dare mo tatsukette... atashi ga kuroshite... shinda ho ga ii.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:18

F**k I need a ciggie. *takes a deep breath* Too many insignificant matters are getting me worked up... but try as I should to suppress the feelings, it doesn't work. Doesn't help that my brain hath been in turmoil since this afternoon.

No $ to buy bookshelf. But got $ to change perfectly fine car seats into racing seats... and dumping those 2 stupid things on the floor. No $ for dinner, but got $ allowing a colleague to stay over, racking up the bills even more. Can u imagine that the f**ker turns on the air con to sleep every nite? And doesn't his gf have a home of her own? Goodness... am just getting pissed simply by seeing her shoes @ the doorway. Aaargghhhhh seriously why the fuck should I still care? Then again, how not to? Jeez... if only I had the power to destroy everything and recreate the world the way I want it to be. Then again... it'll be better that I didn't. Humanity will probably not exist in my world... and guess what? I ain't that great a person, so I'll probably kill myself after it all.

Heard frm someone today, that her cat passed on. His cheek was swollen and his paw was broken when she found him... and he died on the way to the animal hospital. Yet another horrible scenario of animal abuse. What the fuck do humans have to be so cruel? Thatz just a defenceless, harmless creature, for goodness sake!! Aarrgghhh I swear, if anyone did that to my Ah Meow, that person betta pray that I'll never catch him/her coz if I do, I'm gonna inflict so much pain that he/she will beg to be killed.

*sigh* I should really be asleep now. Gotta drag myself down to Woodlands tml morning. Hate that assignment. But can't afford to ignore $ now. I need to get myself a bookshelf. My stuff are lying all over the floor and it looks like a junkyard. Plus I need to dig thru' the carton boxes tml... in search for my old Jap textbooks. I managed to find the JLPT4 stuff @ my parents place, but no sign of the JLPT3 ones. Problem is, those are the ones that are really impt. Hell... I can still remeber most of the basics, but the intermediate... do need a lot of refreshing work done. Wonder if I can make it in time, considering that there is slightly less than a week left. Ah well... gotta just steel myself & put in 1/2hr b4 sleep every nite.

Need all the willpower I can summon... but guess what? I've always been weak in that aspect. Things gotta change. Yep, only I can do it. So why don't I? Lolx... am trying manx. Am trying. Don't even think u know what I'm going thru' unless u've been thru' it urself. Whatever. Folks like u don't matter to me anyway.

Ahhhh f**k it... too many random thoughts in my head now. Wish I had a blade. If I had one, there'll be blood on my hands... and trust me - this time at least - it wouldn't be mine.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:31

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Self-advice: Don't mess ard too much, draw the line b4 itz too late - coz the transition between virtual flames & real flames normally goes undetected until there's no turning back... and when it burns, it burns bad. Itz gonna hurt, then itz gonna scar.

Aaaaahhhhhhhh my mind is f**ked. Like totally. Try as I wish to banish certain thoughts from the brain, they keep coming back... the minute I let my guard down. Darn. Time to errect some mental barriers and all. Differentiate between fact & fiction. Fantasy vs reality. Sheesh if I had the guts I would slit my own throat just to see how it feels. Let the blood expel such unecessary thoughts back to the abyss where they belong. Let the physical pain wake me a little. But thatz just the farthest I'll go I guess - just thinking about it but nvr actually doing it. Made a promise that my self-multilation days are over. But u know, at times, the temptation is really so great... lol but thatz the reason y i nvr keep penknives anymore. *shrugx* Folks may say itz stupid to cut urself... but u know what? u wun know how it feels till u do it... and when u do, u just don't feel like stopping.

*takes deep breath*

I just hope it isn't too late...

Shady self-destructed @ 15:41

Friday, January 05, 2007

Just finished watching the last epi of Elfen Lied, sacrificing some sleep in the process... considering that I've gotta be up by 7am @ the latest tml. All thatz well worth it. The anime was beautiful. And I ain't talking about cute anime boys this time. The storyline was engaging & touching to the point of being painful in some parts. *shrugx* Yeah I guess I am getting soft. The person who was me a decade ago wouldn't even think something like this is worth shedding tears over. Guess itz just part & parcel of growing up. The more you know, the more you see & the more you've been thru' makes u all like slush inside. Maybe this is just what it feels like to have a heart (though scientifically the heart is nothing more than an organ that supplies blood to the rest of the body & that the actual train of thought takes place in the brain)...

Managed to register for the Jap class ^-^ Thankfully the q wasn't too long. Even had time to get home, leave my bike & dump some stuff b4 going to Gombak. Heh guess it does pay going down early. There were only vacancies left for 1 Advanced-I class when I registered, and frm what I notice, there weren't too many slots remaining for that class either. Boy it does seem that JCS is really popular. Overheard the guy over the counter mentioning that there's only a max of 40 studets per class. Gee... I wonder if such a huge class is a good or bad thing. Anyway whatever it is... got another week to refresh my memory. Will start studying real soon, when I get all those books over. Damn... betta dig thru' those carton boxes to see if I've got the past worksheets stashed somewhere.

Poor brain of mine. It betta not burst under the load :P

Shady self-destructed @ 01:12

Thursday, January 04, 2007

After approx 2 years... I stepped into Zouk again last nite. Nothing much hath changed. The crowd looks different (back in those days the crowd seems "better looking" lol), there's an additional fountain outside the toilet, some spaces were wider... and thatz pretty much it. I didn't step into Phuture though. That perhaps another day ~ The songs were still the same. Same ol' mambo nite. Same ol' dance patterns frm those on the platform. Heh heh guess there are some things in the world that just don't change much. oh... one thing hath changed alot though. Me. Just sat there and slacked the entire nite, and left pretty early coz I got a little uhm... bored. LoLx. In the past I would have been on the dance floor, but somehow the music didn't get to me that much anymore.

Tmd. Old liaox.

Ah well.. am gonna register for my Jap class later @ JCS. Heard frm my mum that during registration for freshies on Sun, ppl alredi started q-ing way b4 the ctr opened. I just hope the Q ain't that long today. Most of the vacancies should have been taken up by existing students *sigh* I just hope tat no matter what... I'll get a place. Even if it ain't for a favoured timeslot. Am really determined to start lessons again. Thankfully they allow others to Q on behalf. Plan is, I'll start Q ard 2... and if the Q doesn't look good by 4, will get my mum to stand in for me while i go for my class @ Bt Gombak. Ahhhhhh just let me get a place!!! Maybe this when I should start to pray. Anyway, am keeping fingers crossed that it doesn't rain on the way to Gombak!! Can't tahan 3hrs in the air-con with wet clothes lah ~ Yesterday nite alredi drenched to the skin... 2 days in a row is just sway.

*shrugx* One of the disadvantages of riding a bike I guess. Thank goodness Harusame performed well last nite, engine didn't stall like it normally does during heavy rain. Maybe coz I was still pulling on the throttle slightly @ the traffic lights. But phew. Itz dangerous riding in such rain, at night i must say. Vision was really bad... and the braking distance is impossible. Yeah yeah intermittent braking. 2 wheelers skid easy siah. Too bad can't afford a car. Hmm gotta monitor my cash in and cash out. If all goes well, I might start practical lessons again nxt month or so. But that not in a hurry... no $ to buy car oso.

Heh, whatever lah hor?

Shady self-destructed @ 13:14

Monday, January 01, 2007

Darn woke up much earlier than I'd intended too. Ears are sensitive to chattering noise, and there was enuff of it earlier to shatter my dreams (not that I was having sweet wonderful dreams - most of the time itz sweet nightmares). Gah!! Ben 2 brought his 'girlfriend' home last nite. Apparently this is gonna be a regular thingy to happen. This is just shitty manx. Instead of 1 stranger in the house, there's gonna be 2. Found a bottle of perfume-like thingy on Phoenix's table when I woke up. Toothpaste missing frm the master bedroom toilet as well. There must have been folks wandering into where they shouldn't be. Thatz it manx, am locking the door when I sleep & when I leave the house.

YES!!! I'm finicky when it comes to other ppl touching my stuff!!

Public holiday and I've got a class later *sigh* Hopefully the mum will call me sometime soon and postpone the class till tml or something. Don't exactly feel like going anywhere today. Then again... well itz only gonna be for 1.5hrs + another 0.75hrs travelling time (if it doesn't rain), so might as well get it over and done with huh?

Shady self-destructed @ 10:48

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Away with 2006, itz 2007 rite now ^-^ and the best thing about the New Year so far? Everyone should be awake so I can turn up the speakers w/o a care even if itz past midnite. Heh heh. Dug out an old mp3 disc and am gonna listen to some anime songs. Currently on track is "eX Dream" by Myuji, frm X the anime. Time for some reminisence maybe? Heh... well I do love to get my hands on that anime & watch it all over again. It was one hell of a touching one, made me cry a couple of eps & had a really wonderful ending.

Well... I didn't remain @ home the entire day of coz. Hmm though itz a little "loser like" to be doing laundry while other young folks are out counting down... lol but heyz itz alrite. At least itz my choice. Was out having dinner earlier, celebrating an old [no pun intended] friend's bday. Had Jap steamboat at some Jap restaurant at Starhub Ctr. Think the restaurant's name is Waraku or something. Didn't pay much attention.

One comment thought, the service was like totally f**ked up. Especially this particular waitress - didn't manage to peek at her nametag. When explaining to her about a serving of udon that supposedly came with the nabe set, she was like - I don't understand what you are talking about. Duh!! Afterwhich, it was something that went - not I write the order one. Double DUH. Lousy English was one thing, itz the attitude manx. Gawd knows why she seems so pissed off considering that we weren't even rude to her. Yeah I know... it sux having to wrk on the eve of a ph when most folks are out celebrating... or maybe she just didn't get laid. But hello, she was wrking awrite. Rotten customers deserve sucky attitude, but normal paying customers just don't!! Guess itz coz I've been wrking in F&B for quite awhile... hence I can't really tolerate such shit frm others. Am tempted to simply write a complaint email. Well... she betta pray that I have other better things to do for the nxt few dayz.

Anyway... yet another year is gone. Didn't accomplish much in 2006 either. But heck lah, am sick & tired of caring too much. Guess itz time for resolutions. Realistic ones this time. Stuff that I might actually bring myself to do. Here goes:
Don't leave unwashed laundry in the basket for more than 1 week
Don't leave unwashed dishes in the sink overnite
Vac the computer room's carpet @ least once a week
Limit consumption of instant noodles to a max of twice a week
Save at least $50 each mth
Keep stitching up to date
Complete all montly tasks on my to-do list in my organiser
Drink sufficient water each day
Limit ciggies to 5/day, unless out with friends
Meet up with friends at least twice a mth
Don't leave pets w/o food & water for more than 24hrs
Walk more - need to get tat metabolic rate up
Gain some weight... need to be at least 45kg
Get sufficient sleep (8hrs) per day
Complete 2 RPGs on the PS2
Yeah... I ain't gonna place resolutions that I won't keep, like quit smoking or whatever. Coz I know itz gonna take hell of an effort to do so, and I'll probably give in eventually & light up. Ah well... am just gonna leave it at 15 though there's really alot of other stuff that need my attention. *shrugx* If I could keep those above, will make a longer list come 2008 - that is if I'm still alive by then.

Have a great year ahead, everyone.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:02

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

+ A r c h i v e s +

02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009

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Cross Stitch Tracker

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