Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Thursday, August 31, 2006

So now everything's my fault. Tell me, is this fair.

Initially, Ben told me to go down to Southern Motors to settle my bike servicing, and then bring the bike down for inspection, renew the insurance & road tax by myself. However, they are not open in tha' evenings, which means I've gotta take leave to bring my bike there. Not to mention, I've got no idea how to go about doing so (though I know I can learn). Then an old friend of mine suggested the bike shop that he frequents - saying that everything can be settled for me. I can simply just leave the bike there for an evening or two. After some consideration, I took option 2, coz I view option 1 as a hassle. Besides, at that point of time, I didn't wanna take that many leaves frm wrk (eventually I took more than expected lah... but thatz another story altogether... totally unrrelated).

The rest is just history. Bike got damaged during towing process and now I'm left w/o a vehicle. Which is a hinderance to everyday life, coz itz damn jia lat taking public transport home after finishing wrk 11+ at TCC.

Ben complained that I should be more independent and not count on him to pick mi up after wrk all the time (as if he did). Frm my point of view, itz kinda a husband's "duty" to do so, isn't it? Since there are tons of guys I know who wouldn't think twice to do such a thing. One argument led to another... and suddenly... all of that, becomes MY fault. Itz my fault for 'acting smart', trusting my friend and bringing the bike down to tha' shop. Kaoz, itz as if I wanted such an incident to happen in the 1st place!!

As usual, the argument escalated... more issues were dug up, and he started heaping tons of blame on me. Saying what - why am I always comparing him with other guys... etc. He went on to compare me with other wives then - why other wives can do ALL housework despite being working women, why other wives can 'don't think and talk rubbish all the time' (referring to the questions about his fidelity), and why other wives can leave the place clean & neat and I can't.
Hello?! Find me someone who works my kinda schedule and does ALL housework, and I say u've found urself either a superwoman, or a desperate woman who doesn't have a choice. Find me someone who doesn't respond despite finding such questionable SMSes in her hubby's handfone and I say u've found urself an idiot. Plus - I do NOT leave the place in a mess. Period. He's the one dumping his stuff all ovr tha f**king sofa when he gets home, not me. At the most, I'll just leave my half-done cross-stitch there when I'm too tired to pack it up at nite. Whatz so bad with that? Compared to someone who leaves his ashtray overflowing... and ash all over the seat?

Correct me if I'm wrong, he's just picking on me.

I gave him an option then. To schedule a time, for the both of us to go out for dinner & have a talk once and for all... about certain issues in this r/s. If that talk is a success, I'll give him till year end to prove himself. If not, I'm moving on to start 2007 on a clean slate. Wouldn't wanna ruin whatever future I've have left for a useless jerk.

Seems like the talk's not gonna take place afterall. His reponse? For me to do whatever I want, and that there isn't a problem to talk about in tha' 1st place. Typical cowardly bastards. Avoiding problems instead of facing them, hoping that if he does so, everything will just fade away & go back to normal.

What am I gonna do next?

Simple. Since I said 2 weeks. Will wait 2 weeks and see how things proceed frm there. It'll be great if the talk takes place... but I shouldn't get my hopes up anymore. *shrugx* That was a suggestion frm a colleague of mine who's been married for almmost 20 years. Thankfully there's someone in the world who understands how I feel and understands how difficult things are. Phew ~ if the talk takes place and we come to an agreement, at least I'll have till Dec 2006 to make up my mind... and if I should move on, I'll do so w/o regrets. If I just walk away now... I know I'll regret in tha' future.

Doesn't mean that no action is gonna be done in the meantime. Will review my options, go for marriage counselling alone & hopefully come to a conclusion ASAP. *shakes head* I didn't really wanna tackle this issue till my wrking life has settled down, but guess at times, people don't really get the luxury of choice.

Itz been a lousy day. That problem, couplated with a dumb guy banging into my drink @ KFC during lunch earlier - causing the entire cup of pepsi to spill all over my bag. I've since rinsed it, and the bag is now in a plastic bag... gawd, I still gotta wrk at TCC tonite one leh!! KNNBCCB. But at least that dude's decent enuff to buy me a replacement drink. Damn... should have demanded that he wash my bag as well. LoL.

Sucks to be me.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:30

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

There's always a 1st time for everything. 1st time in my life, I walked into a Singapore Pool's betting station & bought 4D!! LoL well, the numbers were selected by that bum, claiming that he saw them in a dream... anyway it ain't my $. Am reclaiming it frm either his personal or the home account. *shrugx* No offence to frequent gamblers out there, but I just think buying 4D is a pure waste of $. $10 - that was the amount spent earlier. I could buy 1 KFC 2pc meal, 1 TNP and still have cash to spare for dinner later in the day with that amount! LoL yeah call me cynical... but I don't have too much hopes in striking such stuff :P Frankly... I'd rather bet on EPL matches - smaller margin for "sure-win" games, but the risks are lower I guess. Perhaps in future, when I have a better income, I'll think of investing in bonds & stocks too. Damn - that'll take loads of research :P

Ahhh well, got my TCC pay yesterday. Cut-off date was 9th Aug. Damn. Regret tat I didn't wrk on National Day - it will be calculated under OT rate if I did. Which means a basic of $7.50/hr, then there's always the other $0.50 meal allowance. Reminder to self: request for longer shifts on PH. *sigh* Itz a measly amount, I know. Oftenly I think to myself, why am I wasting my time for that, but the answer is obvious. I simply don't have the luxury to laze around while I look for something simillar that pays higher. Plus time over there passes pretty quickly, plus I get to meet people. Never know when networking is required.

Anyway, will need all the $ I can get coz I've made up my mind that I'm hiring a PI based on a couple of "investigations" done yesterday - with help frm a friend. Found out certain stuff that ain't sufficient to incriminate him, but provides a good lead. Am gonna bust his ass real good. In the meantime, will just feign ignorance. What exactly did I find out? Hmm... will refrain blogging about this issue further as u'll never know who'll be reading this ^-^ Ben's friends are just as bad as Ben - not to be trusted.

Why can't I just give Ben a tight slap and walk away frm this all? Tempting as it may seem, but am biding my time. Dun wanna 打草惊蛇 & allow him time for any preparation. Plus of coz, there are always things that I can't let go... but that doesn't matter much. Rage conquers everything.

Hmm... as I type, there's this guy here who's interviewing for marketing exec position. LoL his marketing experience? Direct sales. Duh, doesn't that simply make him a salesman? Hahaha ~ looks like geeky, more like a tech in fact. But well... if he takes up the contract, think I'll be out real soon. Jeez, listening to the stuff Boss Ass is saying, makes me kinda feel like throwing up. Saying what... there are no companies out there are that good to wrk with... blah blah blah. Let me tell u sumthing, after a person hath wrked at Spring Language School, almost everywhere else will be a good company to wrk for!

Shady self-destructed @ 10:25

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

'I would like to book a massage but how to go about doing it?'

Tell me what u make out of the above line. Found it in a particular's someone outbox last nite, to a certain Eva. When confronted, the male lead claimed that it was just a no. gotten out frm an ad in the New Paper - and that he sent the SMS just to disturb the person. Hmm... the male lead slipped up here. Eva's no. was in his phone a long time ago. I just didn't mention anything about it and he thought I didn't know. Besides, who in their right mind will respond to an ad in the papers just for fun?

Just try calling up some restaurant, asking about making reservations... only to tell the person afterwhich that - hey, I'm just making fun of you. Try that, and let me know what kinda response you receive.

What I make outta this? Simple. Frm my point of view, Eva is someone introduced to him by a friend or whatever of his. Someone who provides good massages & extra services. Male lead kept no. in his phone, was itching for a fuck and sent that SMS. Dirty bastard. Think I'd betta make an appointment to get myself checked for STDs, though itz been sometime since any form of connection was made... about a year I believe, but itz always betta to be safe than sorry. For all I know, the dieseases were all part of the package in the 1st place, and somehow I overlooked that fact. Mental note: the nxt time I have a bf, I'm gonna make sure he's going for STD screening b4 anything takes place.

Dump the idea that Ben is mentally unstable, and that he seriously sent that SMS 'for fun'. You and I all know that he's not only operationally sane, he's one scheming s.o.b. My next step? Confidential info. Will do what I have to do. Besides - the process doesn't really matter, itz the results that do. I wonder what other skeletons will fall outta the closet this time. Didn't wanna open it, but at times, things just happen.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:07

Monday, August 28, 2006

Every cloud has a silver lining... or rather, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. LoL, and no, I don't mean death & the light doesn't refer to entry into God's Kingdom. Itz just that, things might be getting slightly betta for me... and that I may not need to make the decision that hath been weighing on my mind later. No no, not the Ben situation. The job situation. Was contemplating to stay on till tha' end of the year, awaiting to see if the lousy company will give me any bonus or anything. However, there's a pressing thought to ensure that Nov 06 will be my last day. The mainlanders seem to have made up my mind for me =) Well, am not too sure if itz a good thing, but it certainly ain't a bad thing. If it takes place, I wouldn't have to reimburse them a single cent and get the f**k outta here w/o waiting till Nov!!

Simply put - there is a 95% chance of me being fired.

*nod nod* Due to my screwed up attendance record this mth, of coz. They didn't tell me anything to my face thatz for sure, being the little cowards they are, but the signs are there. Apparently, there was an ad placed in tha Straits Times, with vacancies for a part-time Personal Assistant & Marketing Executive. High chances are that the marketing exec is gonna replace me. I mean... just face it. There is limited space in tha' office, where is the new staff going to sit? It just means that one of us currently here has to go. It doesn't take much brains to know who's going out. Certainly not the Mainlanders. On one hand, there's an all-accomodating lady who's willing to stay back hours beyond the stipulated time. On the other hand, uhm, well... me. No prizes for guessing who they'll boot ehx?

Well, that certainly isn't a bad thing, thatz for sure ^-^

Now to decide my next step of action. To think that I began the day with a papercut! Pah!! At least the entire day ain't too sucky :P

Shady self-destructed @ 17:35

Ever tried explaining what music does to your soul? You know... that feeling u get when u listen to songs frm the past and memories just flood back in an instant? The bitter, and the sweet ones. Those you thought were erased frm ur mind forever. You can't exactly recall what the event was about, all you see are flashbacks and suddenly itz like a sensory overload... you can't help it, but gradually your eyes well up with tears? Of coz you don't end up sobbing like a baby, but the tears just trickle down your cheeks.

Kinda weird huh?

Happened to me awhile earlier. While listening to Max 3. Songs like "Sunny Came Home", "My Heart Will Go On" (yes, the overplayed song frm Titanic), plus even that damned Backside Boys... uhh I meant Backstreet Boys... song "As Long as you love me" simply made me close my eyes. Within a few seconds I was transported back a decade. Yeah, itz about a decade since I 1st heard those tunes. I can't remember if I was 15 or 16 back then. All I knew was that... I was in Secondary school and watching the MTV top 20 countdown on late night TV, while chatting with my then-bf cobie.

The torrents of memories just rushed in... it was as if my mental damn shattered. I started thinking about the days we had together, how we used to study together for the O'Levels at the memorial around Marina area... how we used to chat on Alamak Chat... how I got to know another good friend of mine - Loony, he was then called. Also, I recalled this anti-boyband site that we attempted to set up together. Calling those boyband names, defacing their photographs using photoshop and all... LoL those were the days. When I was still... kinda, innocent. Naive perhaps. Those were the days when troubles I face now, never existed. When I was still sheltered under the wings of my parents.

Despite the fact that I never had much friends in secondary school, life was peaceful... uneventful and though I wasn't really extremely happy... hey, I wasn't frustrated or depressed either! No doubt, there were times that I used to slash my own arms with a penknife, just to watch it bleed, just to taste the blood & feel the pain... but I never really did hurt my soul. Not as much as I did, a decade later. Now. At least back then, I knew the rationale behind all my actions. Of coz... someone had to come along a couple of years later and forced open my eyes. But those were the days I'll always miss.

*shrugx* Well... everyone grows up sometime. Itz a lousy thing to do, but shit happens. Never Never Land simply doesn't exist in reality.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:18

Friday, August 25, 2006

Am just totally ticked off. The repairs on my bike is taking longer than expected. Now it seems that itz gonna end up in a civil suit afterall. Should have just gone ahead to do that in tha' 1st place. Such a waste of precious time. Dickhead Donny, boss of Swift 24hr towing (can't remember tha exact name, will ask Ben for the namecard later), apparently went back on his words... saying that he'll only be respraying the parts that were damaged in the towing process. Tried negotiating but he wouldn't back down. Plus... he ain't willing to come out for a 'chat'. Well, if thatz the way he wants it, am not gonna let him get away with it. Am gonna sue his company for allowing a worker to ride my bike w/o insurance coverage, damaging my bike and am gonna ensure that he compensates me for the loss of use as well. Itz simply pointless to discuss anything further.

Ben proved to be of no help anyway. Ah well... what do I expect? It isn't his bike to being with, why should he give a damn? Not to mention, he's been against the fact that I am riding ever since he got the car. Probably all he wants is for me to be dependent on him totally, so that he can squeeze more $$ outta me for the damned vehicle. Additionally, he's hoping that whatever I get frm the sale of Harusame will partially go to him. Fat chance. I bought the bike myself - despite him claiming to his friend that Harusame is his - and there's no way I'm gonna let that $ go to that useless creature!

Once again, it all boils down to me being alone in a time of adversity. LoL kk, it ain't that serious - non life threatening, but u know, I kinda wish that I'll have some moral support when such things happen. It was tha' same case when Phoenix went down. Now, tell me again, that no man is an island. Just face reality. Support is always around when u don't need it. When it comes down to action, itz just you. Solo.

Hmm... can someone remind me once again why do I need a husband? D-u-h doubt anyone can answer that, considering that everyone is pressing me to simply end this disastrous r/s. Everyone. Family and friends alike.

Well, as mentioned, that'll be a topic for another day. Not that I'm running away frm reality. Itz just that a human brain can't do that much thinking at the same time. Whatever decision I make, it'll be after long & careful deliberation. When tha' time comes, I hope that I'll be able to listen to the rational voice instead me & not otherwise. For now, if things don't worsen, I'll take zlich drastic action.

A little politics here...

Anyway, there's another issue that hath been ticking me off. The reading of certain reports in TNP. Something about this upcoming conference in Singapore. Apparently the gahmen is trying to increase the no. of migrants, and are trying their best to make locals see things frm their point of view - that migrants are a good thing, not otherwise. Are they, really? In yesterday's TNP, there was this 'scenario' involving Cocotown and Locotown, who are basically simillar, with exception to their attitudes towards foreigners. One blossomed to a hub, the other remained the way it was.

On one hand, itz true that foreign talent may improve Singapore on tha' whole... but who can deny tha' fact that itz those foreigner who are f**king up the lives of locals in tha 1st place? Oh yeah, the gahmen was arguing that itz up to us to improve ourselves in order to compete with the outsiders. They also mentioned that due to the low fertility rate of locals, it'll be difficult to replace the aging population. Thus it is necessary for migrants to keep the country alive in times to come. Right. What they did was to shift tha blame all back to Singaporeans. That we aren't... well, reproducing.

LoL kinda makes one laugh, doesn't it? Did those political morons actually stop to think WHY aren't Singaporeans having babies, and that even if they do, they are only having a single child? Know what? Those folks should really reflect on their actions b4 commenting. Come to think of it, how many of them actually have sufficient children to replace themselves in tha 1st place? I sincerely doubt that they have more than 2 kids in their family!! Talk about the pot calling tha' kettle black. Hmm... ookie, thatz kinda OT.

Well, I daresay most Singaporeans are reconsidering having children mainly due to tha' high standard of living over here. Everything is about $ here. Everything costs a bomb, and itz difficult for couples to keep themselves afloat, much less have children. I ain't talking 'bout those high-flyers who earn a 5-figure income. I'm talking about regular families who perhaps have a combined income of about 3k per mth. Think how much of that goes into the payment of mortage (yes, I know, there's always CPF), and how much of it goes to utilities, miscellaenous charges and all. Plus there's always the social pressure to 'keep up' - the pressure to be on tha' stame standing as their peers. Which means, internet access, cable tv, a vehicle of their own... etc. Just look at the TV ads these days and u'll know what I'm talking about. Their interpretation of the "perfect family".

Yeah, those are basically material things... but itz those material things that boost a person's status. I may be a little immune to that kinda influence, but I daresay more than 95% of ppl I know ain't. And thatz only the ppl I know. Granted that I'm making a generalisation here, but who can refute me with concrete evidence?

Anyway, my point is. To keep up with others, one has to spend more... which means, one gets to save less. Trust me, most average families are struggling with day-to-day matters. With this kinda scenario, u think anyone would wanna have kids? Get real! Even idiots know how much children will cost, and how difficult it is to bring up a child. The gahmen still has tha' cheek to mention once, that parents are spending tons of time @ wrk, and leaving tha' upbringing of children to their maids... etc. Hey, itz just a vicious circle no matter how u look it! Children = financial burden. To get rid of financial burden, ppl work their asses off, spending less time with their kids and all.

You see where I'm headed towards? To place it blunty - if u want Singaporeans to have kids, 1st do something about the frequent rising prices of daily stuff. GST at 5%, public transport fare hikes... etc. Hell, even the price of food is going up. Unless that changes, nothing else will. No $, kids. Period.

Hahah I know itz pointless just blogging here - no one significant's gonna read it. But sumhow I just gotta get all this off my chest. It just irks me to no end that the gahmen is actually encouraging foreigners to sink their roots in tha' country. Foreigners who come here, steal our jobs, our local men & women... etc. Yeah, call me closed minded if you want. Having wrked with foreigners, in particular, the Chinese, just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. They should all just f**k off and not settle.

Shady self-destructed @ 15:47

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Arrgghhh once again I missed the goals!! Fell asleep at half-time, when my eyes could take it no longer... and the end result? A 0-3 victory for the away time! Fletcher, Saha & Solskjaer! Hmm one thing I gotta mention though - what the fuck was Silvestre doing? I didn't catch the past few seasons, but I've been hearing negative stuff about him. After watching his performance last nite, especially the lousy clearances that nearly resulted in a goal for Charlton, I gotta say that the comments seem to be proven rite afterall. Goodness. Anyway... itz kewl that Middlesbrough upset Chelsea last nite with a 2-1 win. Wahahahaha ~

Hmm one thing I kinda noticed though, soccer jerseys seem to have fallen outta fashion now. In the late 90s, everyone seems to be wearing them. Man utd jerseys, Newcastle, Liverpool, Blackburn and of coz those of teams frm other leagues ie. Barcelona, Real... etc. It seems as if everytime I step outta the house, I'll catch sight of folks wearing their jerseys. Now? Either my "sensor" is no longer wrking... or ppl just aren't wearing them anymore. Wonder why? LoL it is a good thing though, that girls are no longer wearing those tiny jerseys with the Man Utd or Liverpool crest. Irked my eyes big time back then.

Ack. In about another hour's time, I'll be on 960, heading towards town for my shift @ TCC. Afterwhich, it'll probably be another long bus ride back to Bt Panjang. I can't complain enuff about living here - simply so far frm anywhere else. Well... Cafe Cartel at Bt Panjang Plaza is hiring, but guess I wouldn't wanna bother making my way down for an interview. Even though it'll be perfect if they pay the same, and offers a flexible schedule as well. It'll definitely cut down tons of travelling hours. Thing is, I just hate going for interviews. Will just stick to TCC in the meantime, and hope that tha' next job after Spring Language School will be located in town, so I wouldn't have to travel that much daily - that is IF I still wanna continue with my p/t job. Probability is that, if I get a f/t one that pays comfortably, I'll just give up the p/t with TCC and concentrate on doing tuition after wrking hours instead.

Well... will take things a step at a time I guess.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:02

Phew ~ went back to wrk after 2 days' break and guess what I did on tha spur of tha moment? I applied for another 3 dayz leave... on pretext that I've been persistently having a fever for tha past 2 mths, and would like to take a couple of dayz rest. Did a slight calculation about my salary earlier... all that absence frm wrk will cost me dearly. I'll be taking home only about $800+ nxt mth. *sigh* But what to do? Been so goddamned exhausted lately, thanks to Ben, and I daresay the rest will do me good. Itz a shame that I'll still have to turn up for wrk @ TCC - it'll be perfect if I can slack with the PS2 console the entire day. But... that job, I can't afford to lose so I gotta go, no matter what!

The problem is always about the $$. Am now wondering what the heck am I gonna do after I leave this f**ked up skool. Should I look for another full-time job while I continue to wrk part-time @ TCC? Or should I just forget about wrking full-time. Instead I can try looking for a perm part-time position, paying at least $8/hr & includes CPF contribution. The rest of the time will be dedicated to full-time tutoring. Full-time tutoring is actually a good idea... but itz unstable [as parents can cancel anytime], plus, it doesn't give me any CPF. I need the CPF if I wanna continue paying for the Jelapang house (let's nt talk about divorce at this point of time... I think this matter is larger than anything else).

No-good Ben blew $899 during the weekend + Monday. What did he get? A sound system for his damned car, thatz what he got! Front & back speakers and an amp. Now he's even thinking of adding a subwoofer to make techno music sound betta in tha car. Hello!? So loud for wat? I ain't f**king deaf k!! Anyway, he used the $500 downpayment received for his Fireblade, and $130 of his own moolah. Guess who paid the remaining $269? Yeah... ME!!! He insisted that I went along when he purchased & installed the sound system - I agreed coz I didn't want him to go overboard with it. After all is said and done, he simply said he didn't have enuff $. XiaoHei didn't have sufficient to lend him too... so I was left with no other choice, though on hindsight, I should have just walked outta there.

*sigh* I just hope he'll return that amt to me ASAP, along with the $ spent on facial and haircut a couple of mths back. Will need all the cash I can get rite now. But judging frm his spending habits... he'll return the outstanding amt once he gets his pay, thatz for sure... only to borrow once again nxt mth. This time, am gonna be too broke to spare a single cent! Enuff is enuff siahx... personal account aside, there's still a 1.2k outstanding frm the home account - which is really as good as gone *shakes head*

Ah well... anyway am waiting up for the Charlton V Man Utd match later. Am hoping that itz gonna be another goal fest :P Itz a shame that by the time I turned on tha TV on sun, it was alredi Man Utd 4 Fullham 0... only managed to catch the Wayne Rooney's goal. Happened to look away when Ferdinand did the o.g. Teehee... I did expect Man utd to beat Fullham, but I never did expect such a scoreline! Phew! Hopefully Chelsea falters today @ The Riverside stadium against Middlesbrough. It'll silence quite a huge no. of folks, for sure. Itz always the case isn't it? Of mindless creatures jumping on bandwagons. LoL but look at it frm another point of view... who likes associating with losers?

Shady self-destructed @ 01:56

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

*sigh* Am so totally drained. Mentally, physically & financially. I've been taking tons of leave from work this mth - pay-wise, itz gonna be real sucky to begin with. My last mth's take home was just slightly more than 1.1k, and thatz just 4 unpaid days. This mth? I've at least 5 unpaid leaves & MCs. Hopefully the extra amt frm TCC will boost it somewhat. Even so, am alredi at a negative of $600++. If that ain't bad, I still owe tha bike shop ard $190. I was sick. Sick of Spring Language School, that is. Itz funny. I actually did wake up in tha' morn. But didn't have sufficient willpower to drag me to wrk. I just hope this doesn't happen too often nxt mth. Ah well... am eagerly counting down tha' days I have left b4 I leave that damned place for good. 75 more to go. Zzz

Anyway Phoenix hath been returned to me. Internet's up and running... only problem now is the video playback. If I use Nero Showtime to watch anime, the video is fine... thing is it doesn't synch with the audio. After installing my codec pack, watching it on windows media player... the synch is good, BUT the video is too dark to watch comfortably. *shakes head* I've got no idea how to fix this problem. Will probably have to live with it. Folks who are broke, don't have too many options. I just hope that TS2 will run well when I install it. I'm now down to one 512 RAM, instead of my usual 1GB. Apparently one of my RAM cards was totalled, and after taking it out, the PC didn't reboot that bad anymore. Damn. I kinda regret reformatting. b4 this, there was aboslutely no problems watching those avis.

Jeez. Would blog more, but should really head to wrk now. All I've gotta do is survive till 11pm.

Shady self-destructed @ 19:20

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Though I've kinda made up my mind as to what design I want (and despite the design being orginally for an Aprilia instead of a Honda), am now torn between 2 different color schemes for Harusame's new paintwork.

VS

On one hand, the red & black design looks flashier and more sporty... on the other hand, the silver & black one is sleek and elegant. Plus, the later isn't a common color combination on tha roads (there are tons of bikes that are red & black). I like both equally. Hmm... so which color scheme is more suitable for me? Both as well, considering my apparent split personality. I've got a good mind to do Harusame up as a half-half... and it'll be definitely one of a kind in Singapore. LoL but that'll be kinda weird, ehx?

*sigh* Hopefully I'll make up my mind soon. I wouldn't wanna resort to a coin toss for such a matter. Have asked Ben to contact the tow company guy & request for a quotation b4 anything. I'll further consider when thatz done.

Recommendations?

Shady self-destructed @ 10:11

Friday, August 18, 2006

Late Night Drama @ Jelapang Road

The seemingly desolate neighbourhood of Jelapang Road came to live last nite as normally reclusive residents crowded the corridors of Blk 509 and staircases of Blk 508 to catch a glimpse of the 'action' from one of the units at Blk 509.

There was much activity going on in the generally lifeless residential area as CDF officers, SPF officers, negotiators (from my pt of view) and other personnel were crowded outside the unit on the 14th floor for hours. According to witnesses, they were trying to get to an emotionally unstable man who had locked himself in the apartment.

Witnesses also claimed that the police have removed a couple of sharpened blades, inclusive of katana look-a-likes, from the house and it was believed that there were more yet to fall in the posession of the officers. It was also mentioned that the man has been keeping hostages, only to eventually release them one by one.

* ookie, termination of formal news-writing style - I've lost all flair for such writing a long time ago & am too sleepy to try get the rythmn back *

The entire area was restricted by police lines. At the 'back' of Blk 509, a ballon thingy (I don't know what exactly that is called) was inflated and all access to the mult-story carpark was denied - sucks to be those returning home after a long day's work. CDF officers were seen carrying long hoses... probably to prepare for a possilble fire... and running electrical wires... that was said to be linked to an electric saw to break thru' the metal gates.

*shrugx* Ain't 'reporting' this from a 1st person's point of view. All this came from the mouths of XiaoHei & Ben - who are prone to exaggerate matters. LoL me? I didn't really bother about what was going on... was watching the feud between Rey Mysterio & Chavo Gurerro on WWE Smackdow and working on my cross stitch instead. Afterwhich, it was a couple of hours on Urbz: Sims in the City (this is one bloody addictive game).

No f**king idea as to how the story ended coz I gave up and went to sleep after 2:30am. Managed to catch about 5hrs of shuteye b4 I woke up this morning & came to wrk... am now uber tired. Wonder how am I gonna tahan my shift @ TCC later tonite. Thankfully itz only till 11pm. Hmmm anyway, the door to the unit was wide open when I looked outta my window in the morn, so guess everything must hath been settled.

Guess I've gotta wait till the story appears in TNP, if it does, to find out what exactly happened... who were involved.... why and how it ended. The poor TNP reporter was still hanging ard even after I turned off the lights & shut the door. Earlier, he was standing at my service area, trying to take pics and waiting for something to take place. I wonder if he stayed till everything's over. Itz his job afterall. Pity that I had to wrk this morn. I wouldn't mind letting him remain in the house for a few hours more.... he was quite cute & was watching me play Urbz for awhile :P

The brief contact with the TNP reporter last nite pressed a little switch in me - I guess you can say that the feeling that resulted was some sorta simillar to a twinge of regret. Itz a shame that I never attempted to puruse a writing career, despite taking Advanced Newswriting as one of my electives during my NP years. Well... I'm not too sure if I can make it even if I tried... coz the industry is one based on networking in the 1st place, but hell, I should have tried ehx? *shakes head* Don't tell me that itz still not too late now. It is. My future hath more or less been sealed... by no one, but myself.

Ah well... whatever it is, just remember that you were notified of this event here 1st. Not on the papers, not on the news... not anywhere else. LoL of coz lah, other folks might blog about it, but seriously I don't give a shit.

English Premier League: The Kickoff

It all begins again - yet another season of the EPL, and this time, I'm determined to keep track of the action even if I'm unable to watch the matches due to work @ TCC. Caught part of the FA Community Shield matchup between Liverpool & Chelsea last Sunday while dining in JB. Arrived in the middle of the 1st half & left in the middle of the 2nd. The only goal I managed to watch was the equaliser by Schvechenko (unsure of spelling) shortly b4 half-time. Anyway, the end result was Liverfool 2, Chelsea 1.

Matches lined up this weekend (courtesy of Soccernet):

Saturday, August 19, 2006
Sheff Utd v Liverpool
Arsenal v Aston Villa
Everton v Watford
Newcastle v Wigan
Portsmouth v Blackburn
Reading v Middlesbrough
West Ham v Charlton
Bolton v Tottenham
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Man Utd v Fulham
Chelsea v Man City
Hopefully I'll be able to watch the Man Utd match ^-^ The team is gonna look so foreign to me. To think that I once could rattle off the players based on jersey numbers LoL oh manx, I must be such a no-lifer back then :P
Movie Review: The Hills Have Eyes
Such a disappointment. Well... based on verbal reviews by friends and acquaintances, I braced myself for a really gory and kinda scary movie. Once again, I was let down. Gore? What gore? Yeah those creatures look a tad grotesque... but heyz, didn't u see simillar looking life forms in Hellraiser? LoL yeah especially that distorted lump of flubber sitting on a chair in the house... reminds me of the fat Hellraiser fella. As for the body parts and all, well just put it this way - I'm desensitised. It takes much much more than that to actually make me go ewwww and look away frm tha' screen.
As for the plot itself... uhm... well... ahhh how do I put this? Itz hilarious? Tons of stuff make no sense. I shall begin with how that character Doug manages to kill a few of the deformed even after he's been bashed up real bad and had a few fingers hacked off by an axe. I would think that someone in his state would be too weak to run, much less go on a rampage. One thing I would like to ask him though, how the hell did he manage to stop his bleeding? I don't see him using any bandages or whatsoever!!
The only saving part of the movie is the compassion I felt for those deformed 'humans', the products of nuclear testing. And poor little Ruby.
'Nuff said. I wouldn't even wanna bother upload a movie poster.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:49

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Eh this is bullshit lah. Why do f**ked up things always happen to ME? I'm alredi broke enuff as it is - my bike insurance & road tax renewal + servicing of some parts came up to $490 and now... I've probably gotta part with a couple of hundreds (price unconfirmed but estimated to come up till about $300++) more!

To respray Harusame.

Yeah, u read it right. I have to bring him in for a respray. Why? Coz that f**ker who towed my bike apparently tried riding it up the plank to the lorry, dropped it and totalled a couple of places. The front mudguard is a goner, the tailboard is cracked, side fairing and even the right airvent area. Not to mention, my right mirror was scratched and balancer ended up dented -.-" You tell me lah, what the hell is that?!

Demanded that the boss of the tow company came down. He did, looked @ the dmg and called his worker down too. Wouldn't go into much details but the worker's attitude was crap. Eventually cops were called in to mediate but the negotiation went on for hours after that. Conclusion, Ben claimed that the boss will foot half my repsray bill... but what the boss told me was that he'll only pay about 1/3 of it, to replace the parts that his worker damaged. Well, the later isn't fair. Coz if the parts were not damaged, the bike wouldn't be sent for a respray in the 1st place!!

Itz ridiculous to merely respray the damaged parts. Even though my bike is total black, the color wouldn't come out exactly the same! Plus, not forgetting I gotta respray all the stickers. Aarrgghhhh there goes my "no fat chicks" one on my tailboard. All the stickers on my bike can come up to about $20 ookie! Bloody hell, am so pissed about wasting unecessary $$. Yah yah there's always the option of not respraying and live with the damage... but itz too major to be ignored. Have taken pics with my handfone cam, will try uploading when Phoenix is up, along with all other pics I'm supposed to.

Well, I've kinda decided on the new paintwork I'm gonna do for Harusame. Problem now is how the fuck am I supposed to produce a picture for them as a reference? I tried taking a pic of a "demo bike" but it didn't come out too clear as it was done from a distance. Security cam pointed at the gate prevented me frm actually climbing over for a betta shot. I don't have Internet access @ home so I can't surf and search for the design. Access at my wrkplace is limited as well. *sigh*

Itz starting to become a major hindrence coz Phoenix's down. I can't do much personal emailing, responding to forums, can't update my accounts well and can't do 'research' when necessary! Not to mention, am unable to continue my job search Zzz. Not forgetting, am paying broadband for nth and am unable to take part in Riklurt's online D&D campaign. Anyway, I sent her to Mervyn's place last nite. Hopefully he'll get her done up soon enuff. He mentioned that he'll wrk on her over the weekend... wish me luck.

Yeah I know, itz a risk, trusting an acquaintance with my computer... paranoid folks may tell me that I'll never see her again... but watever lah. I'm so drained that I don't feel like wasting much more energy on needless worry. I'll cross the damned bridge when I get to it, that is if anything does happen at all.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:20

Monday, August 14, 2006

There is something seriously wrong with this place - Blk 512 Bishan St. 13, #03-526 S(570512) - Spring Language School. Think of it as being covered by a kinda force field that radiates a foul aura, and totally drains the energy of any life form that enters the premises. It negates all positive thoughts, having an effect of -10 on morale. Furthermore, activities that take place cause extreme frustration build-up and development of a cynical view against authority. The site is an epitome of all that is immoral.

I'm eagerly counting down the days to departure.

Once again, was simply too lazy to turn up for work last weekend - gave myself off days on Fri & Sat. LoL I did turn up for wrk @ TCC on Fri evening though... had a way long shift till 1:30am. Itz amazing how much better I feel just after sending the "excuse SMS" and knowing that I wouldn't need to be at wrk. My energy levels during the days at home were good, despite sleeping barely 5hrs the nite b4. Much better than if I've slept for 8hrs and went ahead to work. Amazing, isn't it?

Well... I'm still plotting my battle strategy - thinking of what I can possibly do to make that 1k worthwhile. Of coz it'll be great if I didn't have to dish out that amount! I still think itz bloody ridiculous that I've gotta pay them on top of giving 1 mth's notice. 1k isn't a godly sum if it buys a peace of mind, but itz huge enuff. Think of the stuff that I can do with that additional 1k in my pocket. Definitely a trip down to MOM will be made, and for sure the authorities will be tipped off regarding the 'dirty' things they do. But what else? Any suggestions will be more than welcome ^-^

Work aside, other plans have been pretty much on schedule. Managed to squeeze in a couple more activities as well. It was heavy on the pocket but pretty well worth it.

Sent Harusame down to the bike shop on Sat for the unker to take a look. Ben will be going over later tonite after wrk for 'follow-up'. Everything will probably be done within these couple of dayz and I should be able to take the bike home by Thurs. Think this is gonna be an expensive affair coz there're tons of things that need to be done. *sigh* This is what happens when u don't go for regular servicing. Gotta mark it down on my calendar and make sure I go every 6 mths or so, depending on usage frequency.

Afterwhich, went down to Esplande hoping to view the fireworks. However, we were kinda late + the damned cops asked us to move our vehicle so... didn't manage to catch the entire display. Caught a glimpse of it frm the 'corner' though, and viewed the finale. Hmmm not that impressive, compared to the ones I saw during CNY (but this perception ain't accurate considering that I have a perfect view during CNY), but am satisfied as I didn't have high hopes of catching it in the 1st place!

Even better was the dinner @ Outback Steakhouse that followed :D Appetizer was a serving of Bushman Shrooms & cheese fries. Main course was a 12-ounce Sirloin steak done rare, with mashed potatoes on the side. Completing the meal is yummy mango juice (peel fresh, thatz for sure LoL). It was delightful. Been quite sometime that I had a lovely meal like this. Uhmmm the $$ came out frm the home account. Heehee... decided to just give-in to temptation and allow ourselves a little treat.

Shoes for TCC were purchased on Sun, at Bata Chinatown. $19.95 - perfectly fits my budget of $20. Since we were at People's Park Complex anyway, went to Golden Dragon and whooooo found the cross-stitch scroll frame I was looking for! Browsed around a little then went for a foot massage... evening was spent at JB, got the DVDs I wanted and had a great dinner! Resisted the urge to get anymore PS2 RPGs though I caught sight of Wild Arms 4, Shadow Hearts: From a New World and DragonQuest. Atelier Iris 2 was out as well. Gotta do 'reseach' on those games b4 getting them.

Phew ~ the weekend was definitely good.

Now all thatz left is to get Phoenix up and running. Will be meeting Mervyn tml to take my graphics card back and will probably make a trip down to SLS by Thurs. Hopefully screwing down a new fan will solve everything - that'll definitely save me a couple of hundreds. But am prepared for the worst case scenario. Thankfully I didn't request any working days at TCC till the weekends this week!

Ah well... take things a step at a time. Bike 1st, then the computer. Wonder if I'll have any $$ left at the end of all this. Thankfully paycheck will be arriving tomorrow, and cash frm TCC should come sometime nxt week. Hmm... if I ain't wrong, it's also a couple of lessons b4 my tuition payout too.

$ certainly one factor I gotta re-consider b4 I submit my resignation letter. It is impossible to expect Ben to earn enuff to support the home & me - uhhmm... ookie, actually itz possible that he'll earn enuff, IF he doesn't spend irrationally. To think that he's now intending to modify that damned car of his? Ack!! Kk, enuff about him. I can probably go on another few paragraphs about his latest sins but I'd rather not mar this entry.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:00

Thursday, August 10, 2006

What an exhausting National Day. Am now back @ wrk, totally half-dead. It was tempting to simply turn off the alarm clock and descend back to slumber. I need the rest that I didn't get due to disruptions to my plans. Ended up sleeping for less than 6hrs the last few days. Zzz. No nap in-between either.

To make it worse, boss is in the office now and simply irked the crap outta me when he checked his box & asked about $$ matters. The way he tries to justify himself of charging and admin fee of $20 for a letter of student verification simply further reinforced his f**ked up nature. Still dare to claim that every school does these kinda stuff - c'mon lah! SIM and NP does it for F.O.C. when I was there ookie! Then I must go against my conscience and do the dirty job of conveying the message to the student. Afterwhich can argue with me on certain filling up form matters which is just a poor understanding of English on his part. Vile piece of inferior life form!

Hello!! Whatz Justice doing? Still on holiday si bo? Turning a blind eye to this kinda stuff. Business seems to be thriving & those bastards' pockets just get fatter with the collection of all those ridiculous "administrative charges".

Low pay, long hours, moral-corrupting behaviour, stingy mentally retarded boss, and ZERO recognition (u think they gonna gimme a testimonial when I leave this place? HAH!!). Am eagerly counting down the days that I have left in this cesspit. $#^(~ Aug, Sept & Oct... 3 full mths more. Oct will be okay, considering that there are 2 public holidays. Hmmm or seriously, should I just stay till the end of the year hoping that there'll be bonus? Ahh screw it! Misers like them will not offer anything worth my stay anyway!!

Anyway I didn't turn up for wrk @ TCC as scheduled yesterday evening. I simply didn't have sufficient energy left, sleeping at 3+ the night before and waking up 9am for tution. Well... if I had managed to catch some shut-eye in the noon, of coz I would have went! But Mervyn wanted to come over to take a look at the PC so I couldn't say no to that, could I? LoL had to sacrifice the evening job then. Hopefully Dez wasn't too pissed 'bout it & hopefully it would affect my future schedule requests coz I do still wanna contine wrking there for a considerable amount of time!! - $$$ -

PC-wise, there's nth I can do about it rite now. It ain't a software problem, considering the fact that Phoneix failed to boot even using a WinXP boot disc. Took open the casing and realised that the fan on the graphics card is totally jammed. Thatz probably causing her to overheat and reboot constantly. *sigh* Anyway the fan is beyond saving. Mervyn took the graphics home for some "testing" and will hopefully get back to me ASAP. Best case scenario - replace the fan and everything will be fine again... and I can do the reformatting at my own time. Other scenario - replace entire graphics card. Worst case scenario - that ain't the only problem -.-" Damn. I hope itz just the fan!!

Well... after Mervyn left, I spent about an hour or so on Grandia II. It was then Ben came home from praying @ his grandma's place (bull probably but I really can't be bothered at this pt of time). Met up with Xiao Hei & his gf, headed down to Marina South - Chong pang, for steamboat and BBQ buffet. Boy it was a silly idea, though the food was decent. *sigh* Didn't have the pig skin that I loved with steamboat, darn! But the fried chicken wings & "sharks fin soup" were goooooood :P~~

It was goddamned crowded though! The entire place seemed to be swarming with ppl... and as expected, the ugly side of S'poreans surfaced. People grabbing food, snatching food like there is no tomorrow. Being absolutely kiasu and piling prawns up on their plates... so much that they actually drop a few on the way back to their table. Grabbing wings when they come out, only to leave it uneaten on their table at the end of their meal. Tsk tsk. All this repulsive behaviour on a National birthday. hahahaha, how appropriate, how so Sporean.

Back home, it was another time wasting session with Ben bragging about his Fireblade to XiaoHei - who is taking over the bike. Went to an Esso station nearby to pump petrol and then... more bragging. XiaoHei was bleating about his ex-KRR too *yawnz* Why do guys just love to indulge in such sensless activity? Boys and their toys. Simple little pre-evolution creatures. Seriously does it give you an ego boost when you blow your own trumpet? Gawd, and once again, Ben claimed that Jacky's SP was his. LoL but hey, seriously that might not be totally false - considering that he never took $ frm him for all those modifications done to the bike (exhaust lah, carburettor lah... etc.). Lucky little s.o.b. that Jacky. Itz good that I haven't been hearing or seeing much of him lately.

Ehhh I wouldn't be there if not for the fact I was waiting for Ben to work on my SP loh! Liews... I'd rather be home snoozing than listen to all that kiddish talk about 'my bike can do this, my bike can do that'. *rolls eyes* Eventually Ben got down to work. Change the chain and back sprocket. Couldn't do anything about the front one coz he didn't have the necessary tools. Well... now that all the DIY stuff hath been done, all thatz left is to bring Harusame down to the bike shop. Will be meeting up with blur for that on Sat after wrk. Hopefully I don't get lost on my way down to the shop!!

Needa change my clutch plates, clutch cable, front sprocket, adjust alignment and gawd knows what else. Will listen to wat the unker has to say. Since blur has faith in the shop & assured me that the prices are definitely reasonable, guess I'll be doing all that is needed at the same time, despite the price. Will have to dig into my savings of coz, but I'd rather do so than make repeated trips there.

Damn, I am gonna be fucking in the red this mth.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:33

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Lie, Cheat, Steal - the actual company mission of Spring Language School
"Spring Language School is comitted to placing the welfare of our customers as the 1st priority."
Nicely said. But itz all a bunch of bull as I don't see it being done! Words are tantamount to zlich if no action is taken. Oh manx... I just can't accept the fact that such an company is allowed to remain in Singapore. Does the government really need $ from business licensing that much that they allow any tom, dick or harry to simply operate a business here? Can u believe that this damned school has a CaseTrust certificate for good business practice? C'MON!! Based on what guidelines was the decision made?
Wat the fuck is gahmen doing? It seems that Singapore is just so full of rules... but there's no one around to enforce them. What? Can't afford to hire people to actually DO the job? LoL such a joke, isn't it? To think Singapore is supposedly a country based on law-and-order. Yet there are just so many goddamned loopholes in the basic "rules & regulations", and nobody does anything about it!! Heck, I don't even think anyone knows. Action will probably be only taken should sufficient ppl lodge a complaint. Tsk tsk the passivity of the gahmen authorities - think of the amt of taxes paid a year. Zzz.
Anyway this matter makes u wonder as well... about the saying - "what goes around, comes around". Retribution. I used to believe in wholeheartedly. Now, I'm not too sure anymore. The mainland couple seem to be having the time of their life. A business that is thriving, 2 children who are growing up, a maid to do the household chores, a car... etc. seems like an immaculate family picture, isn't it? Of coz I wouldn't know what actually goes on "behind the scenes" but on the surface, everything seems to be going perfectly for them. I believe they aren't the only one. There are tons of ppl who are doing evil things out there (ie. abusing animals, prostitution, discrimination against women, terrorists... etc.) and seemingly getting away with it. Does God have other plans for folks like those? Or is God simply too busy to bother about such "trival matters"?
Gah!! To hell with it all.
Tomorrow is National Day. Pffttttt the only reason to rejoice is coz itz a public holiday and I don't have to come into this damned office!! Woohoo!! Doesn't mean that I'm gonna be slacking ard at home though. I've got tution at 10am, and gotta report for wrk @ TCC by 7:30pm. On top of that, I've got a pile of laundry to sort out, ironing to do... and if time & energy level allows, I'll be clearing up a couple of tanks as well. Hopefully I'll manage to squeeze in at least 2hrs of Grandia and some cross-stitch time. I gotta rush stitching if I wanna complete my Libra kit by the 'due-date' of 12.08.2006!!
Jeez, today is gonna be a loooong day for me... which will end after 1:30am. *yawnz* Makes me kinda sleepy just thinking of it. Hopefully time will pass quickly at TCC later tonite. I might SMS them that I'll start wrk slightly later, 8:30pm instead of 7:30pm - get some rest & relax at my parents' place 1st, and settle my 'accounts' at the same time. Damn I wonder when will I get the time to sit down to sort things out on Phoenix. Itz quite annoying having a PC at home that doesn't work, especially if I have stuff that I actually do on it. Not to mention... broadband bill continues to come in every mth w/o usage. Thatz like a waste of $, isn't it? Maybe I should call up the repair shop later for a quote afterall.
This mth is gonna be financially draining. 1. bike insurance & road tax renewal, 2. bike servicing, 3. purchase of black pants & shoes... and a probable 4. repair of PC (but I'm gonna take a shot with those discs jem lent me 1st).
Some planning hath to be done. *nod nod* Ookie.
Wed 09 Aug - get computer reformat tools ready... broadband CDs... etc.
Sat 12 Aug - stitch like mad & complete the kit no matter what.
Sun 13 Aug - settle pants & shoe problem... whether in JB or Singapore, doesn't matter.
Tues 15 Aug - send bike to shop after wrk for servicing and get the shop to do the inspection, insurance & road tax renewal on my behalf.
Sun 20 Aug - totally settle PC problem... either finish fixing it up myself, or make a phone call to the technician.
LoL at this rate I should get a diary and plot a timetable for every single day siahx. Coz I know, w/o a dateline or schedule of some sorts, the lack sack of bones will never move and spend the entire day either gaming, watching TV or stitching away. Seriously, judging from this plan, I might need to apply for a couple of days leave nxt mth to take a rest - both mentally & physically. kk, now time to plot my TCC working schedule for nxt week... gotta submit it when I turn for for wrk later.
Wish me luck ~

Shady self-destructed @ 09:31

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Bloody hell!! Long wrk hours, lousy work environment, screw up pay and now? Mosquito bites!! Wad the fuck is wrong with this godforsaken place? For the past few days I keep getting bites that swell up to amazing sizes. Besides them being super itchy, they bleed too (after I scratch them lah). Nah beh, why do I have to put up with all this shit? tahan tahan. Only consolation now is I am getting the hell outta here by the end of this year - whether I find another job or NOT.

Yeah after much pondering + advice both positive & negative from friends & family, I took up the TCC position. The decision maker? Well having a job to tide thru' when I leave my full-time. I wouldn't wanna drain my savings for this. I just hope I don't burn out within a mth! Today will be my 3rd day wrking there... think I'm picking up stuff pretty okay. Colleagues wise, well the place is dominated by Malays. *sigh* My past experiences wrking with Malays haven't been great ones, so hopefully this place will prove me wrong. My ex-Malay colleagues? Super lazy big snake eaters. I just hope the colleagues here wouldn't further tarnish the image of them in my eyes.

Anyway - racist statement I've heard: all Malays are lazy, all Chinese are stingy and all Indians cannot be trusted. hahahah ~ seriously, wad the hell?

Tsk tsk I should stop all this "race" shite b4 I get my ass hauled to court ehx? *in a loud booming self-righteous voice* Singapore is a multi-racial society, and each one of us must be sensitive towards the differences of other races & promote tolerance. LoL hogwash lah. Tolerance ain't sufficient. Besides... I don't think the majority of Singaporeans are as sensitive as the gahmen makes us out to be. Itz all some silly play the gahmen created - 自编自导自演 to strike fear in the hearts of dumb citizens.

My negativity towards the Mainlanders stand.

Blame the Principal of Spring Language School & his wife for that. Trust me, if you work here too, you'll hate them as well. Unethical stingy money-faced liars.

Another thing to contemplate. Should I hand in my resignation on 07 Oct, with 06 Nov being my last day - pay up the 1k and leave (of coz I'll be going down to MOM to create a fuss too)? Or should I put up with another 2 mths or so, till the end of the year and hopefully they'll have year-end bonus? Why do I have this dilemna? Simple. Being the fucknuts they are, how much do you think their bonus is worth? If itz just a measly couple of hundreds, that I can do without - ain't worth trading in 2 mth of pain for that. But if itz a mth's salary extra (which is the minimum for other companies), I'll stay. It is a risk. The question now is - is the risk worth taking? 2 mths freedom vs possible $$.

Well if you were me. What would you do?

Thankfully I've got a couple of mths to think that over.

*sigh* Phoenix is still down. Itz been like a mth alredi, if I'm not wrong. Am paying my broadband bill for nth really, if this drags on. Now? She can't even boot up w/o crashing. A reformat is due, thatz for sure. Am awaiting for jem to pass me the discs and will try to solve the problems myself b4 I call the technician. But the computer can wait I guess. Since I'm not that free to use it (though i would love to leave it on for downloads even when I'm nt home to make full use of the broadband). To avoid further procrastination, will give myself a deadline. 20.08.2006 - by then she should be back in operation.

Main issue at hand now is my bike. Harusame is due for inspection, insurance & road tax renewal. All that has to be done b4 the 17th. Which means, I'll need to force Ben to do his part of the servicing b4 I send the vehicle down to the bike shop for further repairs to the clutch plates and clutch chain... etc. Engine is giving me couple of problems lately. Namely he tends to stall at traffic lights when left idling. I wonder if increasing my idling will help solve this. *sigh* To look at things on the bright side, at least this wouldn't bother me for much longer. Will apply for leave on the 15th to do it all.

Yah yah, there goes my day's salary again. F**k.

Gaming wise, Dark Cloud 2 is temporarily on hold. I started on Grandia II when I went back to my parents' place to spend the nite last week and have been 'working on it' ever since then. Should have clocked like about 20hrs now. LoL yeah I was on MC the beginning of this week, for 3 days coz I simply didn't have the motivation to go to wrk.
Well, if I'm not wrong, I should have played the game b4, at Maurice's place about 5 years ago. LoL the characters seem familliar to me, and so does the thingy about the Wings of Valmar. Thing is, I have absolutely no recollection of the storyline. Neither can I remember where I played till and what happened till then. Hell, I don't even remember the 1st chapter - when the ceremony failed and Elena got posessed. But I am damn sure I've played till much after that coz I do remember the other 2 party members, Roan & Mareg. Oohhh what the hell is wrong with my brain? LoL nvm, nothing impt.
I wonder how long will I take to complete this. So many games in queue afterwhich. Damn, I should really start doing a "to-do" list like what I do wtih my cross stitch & set myself some reasonable deadlines :P But doing so for gaming is just insane lah, and it might just ruin the entier experience. Will just play when the kick hits. And I should start avoiding the game stores @ JB when I go down. No more new RPGs to be purchased till either Dark Cloud 2 or Grandia II is done!!
I just hope I'll have sufficient time on top of wrking @ TCC. Coz once Phoenix is up running again, I sure am gonna spend hours rebuidling the Sims 2 community that I will lose due to the format. Don't think I'm gonna play Strangetown again. Will probably focus on either Pleasantview or Verona this time. Hardly likely that I'm gonna create my own town - that'll mean hours of designing and hours of toggling... lol this makes me wish that I've got my bro living with me - coz my previous self-creation, the Town of the Forsaken, was really done by him. He just seems to have patience for such stuff!
2:30pm now. I just hope I'll get off early enough to rush back to my parents place for dinner b4 heading down to TCC. I wonder what time will my shift end tonite. Itz either 11pm as scheduled, or 1:30am - closing. Aargghh.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:23

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

+ A r c h i v e s +

02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
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12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
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12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
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12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
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07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
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10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
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04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
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06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009

+ S e l f L i n k s +

Cross Stitch Tracker

+ C r e d i t s +

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