Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Oh gawd... reading all those posts on the BBS makes me wish that I'm back home rite now. I just can't wait to rush home to start the game! The only problem ish - I've got tution again tonite & there's RAW on the tele @ 10pm. Which means I probably won't get to even turn on the PC unless I decide to sacrifice either wrestling or sleeping time. Both are pretty bad ideas - considering that I intend to use TV time to work on Gary a little more (didn't do much yesterday and the deadline is drawing closer) and itz insane to give up snooze hours! Jeez, why can't there be an upcoming public holiday or something? I might be able to play for a little tml, before Smackdown; but still... the hours simply flash by on TS2.

No time ah... no time!!!

Shady self-destructed @ 14:03

Tsk tsk, the things shop owners do just to make extra $. Fucking dissed. Today the Mainlanders aren't coming in the morn, so I thought that I would treat myself to a "ba chang" for breakfast. I went to the stall... bought it, then the uncle told me "$2.20". I was WTF? Then he told me itz coz today is the Dumpling festival... so prices are higher. Hello? What the hell is this? *sigh* I regret paying. I wish I had just walked away and refused the damned thing... would rather go hungry or something -.-" Gah! Think I'm really too much of a pushover. The dumpling was opened and packed... so i just paid. Is today even the dumpling festival to begin with (I know nothing about non-public hols)?

Itz a shame that I cannot play TS2 even if I managed to instal it. The computer is just way too lousy. LoL anyway I spent more than the intended 1hr on it last nite :P Basically messing ard with home business. So far, so good. Managed to get a couple of the basic operational methods, but I believe there's still much more to learn. Perhaps next I'll try operating a lot instead ^-^ Hmmm since I've got a couple of extra hours rite now, will spend some time on the BBS checking out the tips & tricks there. Damn. I so wish that I didn't have to come in today. But things could be worse... the Mainlanders could be here!

Ah well... will enjoy it while it lasts!

Shady self-destructed @ 09:20

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

What a start to another draggy work day. Received this ridiculous phone call just a few min ago. This guy was complaining about how expensive the courses here, asking me, "why your course so expensive". DUH!! Do u think the boss answers phone calls? Dickhead. Of coz I told him that I ain't the boss. Fuck "the customer is always right" attitude. As boss moron mentioned, I'm doing sales... not customer service. I don't have to be all kind and friendly to jerkoffs. Jeez... peabrains like this should be knocked down by a trailer or something. The world just seem flooded with retards.

Only consolation for the day is - gayshit is not here. Sabokia somehow managed to get a 2 week MC frm the doc & will nt be turning up ever again. Hmm that kinda makes me wonder though. In that case, does he still have to reimburse the company 1k? Not collecting his salary is definitely insufficient coz his take home ain't even close to 1k - considering the amt of leave he hath taken. Nice tactic eh? Then again, if I'm gonna leave, think itz best to leave on a positive note. Best is if things work out well enuff, will be able to obtain some form of testimonial frm them. That'll be of help in future.

Anyway, tried my hand at home business last nite on TS2. Gee, it does seem a tad more difficult than I intitally thought!! LoL yeah as usual, I just jumped into the game w/o reading the manual... would rather do things via trial and error. Hmm... inititally got quite stumped when Bluewater Village didn't load well. Did a little tinkering on the graphics options and all (setting everything to "low"), it finally did manage to be slightly more decent. Does this mean that I gotta update my video card driver? Perhaps I should, when I get home later. Ugh... there are just so many tasks lined up for me tonite - 1hr on TS2, laundry, ironing of clothes & not to mention... stitching Gary.

I wonder if Ben is gg to cook dinner though. *sigh* Not that everything is fine between us now. Things are still disatisfactory... and has kinda reached a standstill. Thing is, I dun wanna spend $$ eating out anymore. Maybe I should just go on a hunger strike or something. Dun wanna end up digging into my savings for this mth's expenditure. On the bright sight, I should be receiving my tution pay next week. It'll be a nice boost. Plus Ben's getting his pay soon - am gonna demand that he reimburse me for the pet supplies at least. Intend to schedule another hr of driving nxt week & think I should really push myself by renewing my membership at BBDC & booking for my TP test.

On the way to wrk earlier, saw this woman driving an SUV with her children in the backseat. She was casually dressed... so I guess she should be sending the kids to some sorta dayschool - then she'll be heading off home or to brunch with her galfriends. Makes me kinda envious though. The life of a tai tai @ housewife with a rich husband. The kind who can afford to go for facials, massages, manicures... etc. The kind who doesn't need to work or even bother themselves with house chores (as they have a maid). The kind who usually lives in either a condo or private house. A life of pleasure I must say. Of coz, much effort has to be put into looking good for social events and all... but heyz, thatz just a tiny price to pay, isn't it?

Well... actually thought the life mentioned above is desirable. I ain't too greedy. I'll be able to settle for a 5-rm HDB with a husband who's able to handle all the bills :P It doesn't matter if I don't have a maid. If I don't need to work... I'll do all house chores willingly. Hell, I don't even mind learning how to cook!! Imagine the free time I'll have to do my stitching and gaming? As for husband straying? Ah c'mon. All men are sex-driven creatures, whether they are poor, middle incomed or rich. They all cheat.

Should have started off young, really - if u want a life of luxury in future. Get into the top schools in Secondary and Junior College... and only accept dates frm guys who have a rich family background. Enter a local university and target only those who drive to school. After graduation, get a decent job that allows networking & includes invitations to social events. Hang out at only the "upscale" pubs/clubs and date only men with a credit card. Materlistic? Me? Hah... *shakes head* itz just being realistic. There can be no love w/o $ and well... a successful woman is one who gets the right guy ^-^

Too bad. I'm too late to change anything anyway - I didn't get off to a good start (thinking back... all my ex-bfs were frm the "cannot make it" category). Now all I can hope is to slightly improve my life a little. If I can't snag a guy who can provide me with a comfortable life, all I can do is ensure that I am able to do it myself.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:57

Monday, May 29, 2006

Now they are getting an ad in the papers - looking for an "educational admin asst". Interesting. What doth that mean, really? Coz if I ain't wrong, my post is the one of an admin assistant, though in the payslip, itz known as "secretary". Does that mean that a new fella is coming in to take over my position while I revert to doing what I used to in the 1st place? Or the new fella is coming in to directly take over Gaybriel? *shrugx* Perhaps they'll terminate me? heehee... so I'll be outta here w/o paying the 2k for breach of contract ^-^ Screw the bad record or something. At this point of time, I dun really care much about keeping a nice employment record anymore. Besides, itz not as if my employment record is that squeaky clean! I can always not list certain jobs in the resume anyway :P

Hmmm but heyz, at least I'm still responsible enuff to haul my ass to work everyday. Unlike that faggot who once again, took an MC for the day - claiming that he's really "not well". yah rite. Anyway I did tell him nt to call me "pal" anymore. Itz just disgusting. The thought that someone like that faggot is a "pal" of mine. Phooey!!~! Anyway he sent another 2 SMSes apologizing for the inconveniences & going on and on about what he's going thru', saying that I don't understand and all that shit. C'mon lah. I don't understand? Hello!! I've been in this fucked up company longer than he ever was k.

Ah well... nt everyone has $ to burn ~

Tution again tonite. I wonder if I'll be able to factor in a little gaming time. Would like to test out the new stuff in the latest Sims 2 expansion. Then again, think rest is of utmost priority. Had quite a rough nite last nite - went to sleep pissed off again (thanks to the usual someone) & didn't enter dreamland till ard 3+ I assume. Afterwhich it was a series of tossing & turning. Thank gawd I caught a nap in the evening.

Bum talking about going for a trip at the end of tha year? LoL a cruise - thatz what he planned. Then he went on and on about me refusing to go anywere, but cooping myself at home day in and out. Itz like #$@&~ u want me to go out? Then show me the money. Dickhead. All talk and no action. Cruise? Go cruise urself with ur retarded friends, I told him (and he might just take my advice). Since I'm that "unresponsive" and "unenthusiastic". He can jolly well go look for someone who will be "glad to go". The only question now is... will he be able to afford it? Hahahahah looking at the way things are rite now, I daresay - hardly likely. But knowing him, he'll just blow his salary and return dead broke... borrowing $ here and there for the rest of tha mth. Pathetic. Just pathetic.

The quality of males nowadayz. Pah!

Shady self-destructed @ 14:53

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Uhmmm yah... ookie. I just totally f**ked my budget for the mth. So why am I still feeling pretty pleased about myself? LoL perhaps itz coz this would never have happened if I'm still sharing a spending account with the bum ^-^ Yeah I'm now left with $15 for the rest of tha mth (after deducting the insurance premium), and I still owe porky $10 for tha movie, so I daresay I'm flat broke -.-" Hopefully Ben will reimburse me the $ for the pet supplies when his pay comes in a couple of days and I'll receive the cheque for Jelapang tution in about a fortnight. That'll allow me to perhaps schedule another driving lesson or 2 before my nxt salary intake. Gee... I really can't afford to go on MC or take leave now siahx. Every single cent counts - especially if u are talking abt $50 "dillgence award"!!

Anyway, it doesn't matter if I go slightly into the negative this mth... considering that I have some balance frm the previous. But of coz, I'll try not to let that happen. Which means... cheap meals only, frm today onwards. No more indulging in food [everything comes out eventually as poop anyway!] and other impulse purchases. No more cross stitch supplies for this mth - then again, I might get Q&E when it comes out.

What did I do? Uhm... ehhhh went to Suntec earlier. Ben wanted to go visit the Harvey Norman sale (thankfully he didn't purchase anything - coz his 'wants' are super ex items ie. plasma tv) and I took a walk ard as well. Caught sight of The Sims 2: Open for Business. Since there was a little discount. I bought it. *nod nod* I finally got it after itz been released for 2 mths. Howz that? Now to install the game. Heehee... considering that I took a nap earlier, for at least 2hrs, think I can afford to check out the game a little. 1 disc. So installing is gonna be done in a jifty. Now I gotta keep my fingers crossed and pray that my PC is able to support it (purchase of a new graphics card this mth is totally outta the question).

Don't ask me why I'm this addicted to The Sims. I have no f**king idea either - especially since itz a game that doesn't ever seem to end.

Shady self-destructed @ 23:46

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!

LoL that line really did crack me up... despite haven't watched the video on YouTube b4. Am gonna try obtaining it when I get home later this evening. hahah it must have been really funny. I can imagine the cartoon version of Juggernaut doing that in a high pitched teletubby voice (not too sure if thatz the case on the video but thatz how my mind portrayed it to be). Wahahahah ~

Anyway I got off wrk 15min early yesterday, dropped by Spotlight and got all the necessary floss [tore yet another hole in my pocket - I didn't expect Gary to require that many floss colors]... then I headed down to Marina to catch X-Men III: The Last Stand with Minyu & porky pig. Heh heh itz pretty kewl to see porky after such a looooooong time. Hmmm, he's getting fatter though. Must have been working on lateral expansion the few years that we were 'outta contact'. Imagine him a decade frm now *thinks* :P

Will blog about the move in my nxt post, considering that I keep getting interrupted by Boss Moron who came to the office today -.-" Just can't stand him asking me to do menial stuff. Does it really take that much energy to press a few numbers on the phone? Fucking bastard. Thankfully this is Sat. Will have a breather tml, at least. Facing those Mainlanders day in and out is really a c.m.i. thing to be doing. It doesn't help that Boss Moron STINKS too. Literally. Come to think of it, somehow, fat ppl always have this stench lingering around them (the smell of fat maybe?). Pooh!

Ahhh Gayboy is on 2 days MC. Hence, his work has all been pushed to me. He still has the cheek to start his SMSes to me with "hi pal". To hell with him. Itz really tempting to just respond and tell him to quit those "greetings" and get to the bloody point... as I am not, and never will be his "pal" or "friend". We are colleagues. Soon to be ex-colleagues. Thatz it. Wouldn't wanna be friends with such a whinny sabo-king. Itz nt as if his wrk had been done "nice nice" for handover. Everything is done slip-shod & itz a pain trying to even make sense of the mess, much less clear it.

In the SMS, he was going on and on about how stressful he is... how the workload has caused him to have sleepless nites and how he's gonna have a mental breakdown if that continues. I say bollocks to him. If his workload is bad, can u imagine the period of time when I was wrking alone? Did I have sleepless nites? No. Did I have a mental breakdown? No. I did get irritated of coz, and I've my own share of bitching about it... but uhmmm thatz it. At times exaggeration simply doesn't wrk. Making a mountain outta a molehill. Faggot. No wonder he finds NS a terrible ordeal. If he finds NS terrible, can u imagine how his buddy would have felt? Goodness... if his buddy didn't have a religion, I'm sure he would have one after meeting Gayboy - coz basically it hath been proven that Hell exists.

If his pathetic performance isn't exasperating enuff, I've come to know that he actually does take "extra breaks" during worktime, to sit down & have a coffee and all. The excuse he gave to me was of coz - he had a tummyache and had to go to the loo. I knew it was bullshit. Now itz been confirmed. Jeez... I just can't tolerate liars. Not to mention, during his "breaks", I've gotta cover him? Gah. Have got a good mind to highlight this to the Cheenas. Not that they would do anything, of coz. Hmmm but that'll be tantamount to gossiping, so yeah, think I shall avoid that. If that Gayboy wants to be a two-headed snake... he can be one... but he betta watch it, coz he ain't the only one with hidden knives. Not to mention, if I do stab him with the knives someday, it'll be in his sissy face - right between the beady eyes.

Pah! Wasting space just blogging about him. Will delete him off my Friendster list as well. Wouldn't wanna be associated with someone of such "quality", who doesn't even seem to understand the meaning of 'responsibility'.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:39

Friday, May 26, 2006

...

...

...

Seriously... wat the fuck...

Just answered a phone call not too long ago, from a man demanding to speak to the Principal or Mdm Ji. He sounded totally rude & uncouth. Eventually he identified himself as Gabriel's father - and he didn't sound too pleased. According to him, he wanted to speak to the bosses about the way they treat his son. -.-" Apparently Gayboy has been doing some whinning at home as well. LoL that I've got no comments, coz I complain about those 2 morons all the time to everyone I meet. But eh, I never had the idea of asking my parents to call & kick up a fuss. Thatz just so... childish, isn't it? Besides, he's leaving in another couple of weeks, so why the biggie?

True... the boss gave him a ticking off earlier, but uhmmm frankly, I think he kinda deserved it coz it was ultimately his mistake. To be fair, boss is an asshole too - coz many a time, the instructions he gave wasn't clear at all. Anyway, the thing is, according to Gayboy's dad, Gayboy is now seeing a doc. Which means he wouldn't be back for quite sometime. The 2 Mainlanders have left for lunch. Hmm... then ME HOW? F**k. I'm hungry ookie!!~! Wah liaox, can this Gayboy just stop creating inconvieniences for me? Itz not as if I'm the one who caused him to be in this "state". Itz his own inablity to handle matters, thatz all. Plus, I don't think the morons are being "biased". I've got my own share of shit to handle too. Itz just that most oftenly, I complain about it, I blog about it... then I'lll put it behind me. Itz simply pointless to expend too much energy on such insignificant people.

Anyway I take comfort in knowing that I ain't gonna be in this company forever. Once the 1st year mark has been reached, I'm gonna leave sooner or later. Itz just a matter of getting a new job on "standby" before I go. Well... I've got 7 more mths to the 1 year mark. Itz not a short time, I understand. Heh, and if I manage to find something sooner than that, I'll hurl the 2k in their faces. Trust me. I hate them as much as Gayboy does. Itz just that... argghhhh... u get my point lah. Asking parents to call? WTF.

Whatever.

Ah well... went for Sakae Sushi buffet dinner @ Suntec as planned yesterday nite. Prior to that, stopped by Spotlight to get a few supplies - picked up a stack of bobbins as well and heh, managed to finally get a glimpse of that guy Evelyn was going googoo gaga over :P verdict? Ookie lah, got the pretty boy look... just a tad too skinny. Would definitely look better if he's fattened up a little. Heehee... so *hint hint* someone should really start cooking for him ehx? Bwahahahahahahah!!!!

Another thingy to look forward to today - am gonna watch X-Men III at Marina Sq!!~! Woot!! I hope that movie doesn't disappoint me!!

Will have to stop by Spotlight again though - to purchase some more floss to work on Gary. LoL the lady actually did send me the color conversion chart yesterday... it was just in .rtf format and eluded my attention. Me bad. Anyway upon estimate, inclusive of postage, this "square" is gonna cost me about $20. Yeah u might call me ridiculous - spending that amount on an overseas charity that I have no way of proving whether they are geniune or otherwise; but frm how I see it... if the organisation is really out to cheat, itz really their problem. I'm doing something for what I believe is a good cause, and that is sufficient for me. I'll look at it as contributing $20 to an ill kid. Besides... I'm the one who's having all the fun stitching ^-^

Shady self-destructed @ 13:26

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Woops!! Look what I've gotten myself into - another project, with deadline of 3 weeks!! LoL my desire to strike while the iron is hot ended up with me comitting to my 1st square!! Haha, well all I'm hoping for rite now is for the lady who sent me the chart to get me the floss conversion before I get off wrk so tat I can get the necessary supplies at the same time later - that'll save me a trip down to Spotlight which means more stitching time ^-^ Well the square is for a boy, Jackson, who is ill with SMA. He likes Spongbob, Star Wars and superheroes. Am gonna do a stitch of Gary for him. Gary's Spongie's snail btw. I never knew that till a couple of days ago - am not exactly a fanatic of that yellow thingy in square blue pants. /heh Anyway that'll mean that I've to either rush thru' my current project, or place it on hold for another couple of weeks. *thinks*

Ah well... am wondering if I'll get to watch X-Men 3 in the cinema - or would I have to resort to renting the DVD when it comes out. *shrugx* Am pretty curious as to how the Angel would look like though. Of coz, I'd rather see the Archangel... but hmmm I can really do w/o Apocalypse (he's ugly).

Shady self-destructed @ 16:49

Zzz swell luck. I'm finally stepping outta my hermit shell & meeting friends for dinner tonite and I'm having a bad hair day -.-" If that ain't bad enuff, complexion isn't look too good either. Aarrgghhhh... but anyhow, am looking forward to stuffing myself with sushi and all later ^-^ 1st stop after wrk will be Spotlight @ PS - to pick up some floss for the Father's Day card I'm gonna work upon nxt. Hopefully Spotlight carries bobbins or suitable storage containers as well. The skeins at home are currently stuffed into a tiny box + plastic bag. Not a great idea when I need to search for something. Am worried that the lighter colored ones will get tainted (Bt. Panjang is one dusty place - and to think I thought Bugis was bad).

Anyway, I have since signed up for a couple of Yahoo Groups dedicated to stitching for charity. Namely: CrossStitchingForCharity, AusColesQuilts and the most recent AngelQuiltProject. Am really looking forward to contributing a couple of "squares" in between projects for home decor (after I finish up the Father's Day card + perching eagle for my bro of coz!) Phew ~ there seem to be so many members in those groups, especially the 1st one. Am kinda wondering though, how many of them are active ie. have contributed b4 and are still contributing. Well, hopefully this isn't a 三分钟热度 for me!! I have this tendancy to "fizzle out" sometime down the way. So I'd betta make full use of my enthusiasm when I still have it!

Hmm... I actually had this thought a couple of days ago. If I manage to gather sufficient cross stitchers in Singapore, I might be able to start a simillar project locally. Thing is, am not too sure if local parents are as appreciative as the ones overseas. Singaporeans just prefer cold hard cash on top of anything else. Materlistic? Maybe. A nicer word would be - practical, I reckon. *shrugx* Will see how things go.

Interestingly, someone who claimed that he's "broke" actually met his friends for billard yesterday. Is that a miracle or what? Anyway, I told him about my intention to go out for dinner tonite and he did make a tiny protest. Does it mean that he can meet his friends, while I can't? Not that I'm leaving him alone @ home in the middle of the nite!! Unlike what he did - he came home after 3:28am, thatz for sure (coz I woke up to take a piss & checked the clock). Ahhh fuck it. Am not gonna care how this makes him feel... u can say that I've stopped "contributing" to the r/s. Itz pointless taking another person's feelings into consideration when my feelings are being ignored all the time. Besides, since I told him in advance, I don't think he's even gonna be home when I get back. He has ample time to arrange yet another billard session or some coffee session with those morons [one of them whom btw, left his wife home alone too - flies really do gather]. So there.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I don't wanna sound like some vengeful woman, paying him back in his own coin. But at times, I really have to do things for myself. Besides... really, I don't think he's gonna be in any way affected by this. He can always turn to Kim or Chrisse, if he's bored anyway. I think those blind sluts will welcome him more than I do. LoLx. I would really love to see them in person though :D

Shady self-destructed @ 09:15

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Bummed into an ex-NP classmate earlier during lunch @ J8 LJS. Had a little chit chat & talking about school times. Obtained news frm other coursemates frm her, and it left me feeling pretty pathetic. LoLx. Yeah. It seems that everyone is doing well - having respectable jobs (that make mine seem really really "down there") and all. Gosh. I do need to do something about my life. Look, I'm 25. Where is my career path heading? Nowhere. The road is obscured at the moment. Ack, well, I believe that there is a perfect job for me out there. Hopefully I'll be able to find it before I 'expire'. Anyway, I did leave her my MSN addy, wonder if there'll be future communication. Hmm... guess itz time tat I do need positive influences in my life. Perhaps this will provide me with sufficient motivation.

Shady self-destructed @ 15:54

Am pissed off. Totally dissed rite now.

That bloody tution coordinator [for CCK 296] told me that he'll transfer the fees to me on Sat. Itz alredi Tuesday today. Just updated my bank book awhile ago and nope, nth. If my calculations didn't fail, I should get $66 for the time & energy that I've wasted on that piece of slime. Isn't much, but I figure that it should cover my petrol costs at least. Now? $0. Have sent an SMS to the coordinator but he apparently isn't responding. Hmm... I'll give him till this Sat. No response, no $ in the bank, I'm gonna report this to the authorities. Question is, itz his word against mine so itz gonna be yet another hassle. This is the last time I'm gonna get any assignment thru' Ascend2Day Tution Agency [business registered as Ascend2Day Enterprise]. Remember this name, and that of the coordinator - Michael. $66 is nt a big deal (though I'm broke now and even a single dollar will be good), but for such situations, I'll hound that irresponsible piece of shit for even 66 cents!

Yeah. You've read it. I'm broke. Goddamned muthafucking broke. As mentioned, I updated my bank book and thatz it. The pet supplies the other day totally drained my budget. Don't think I'll be able to schedule in as many driving lessons as I wish this mth. Damn. If I don't do it within 6 mths, I'll have to renew my PDL - which is another $25. Everything is just bloody expensivo these days. Ahhh not forgetting, I gotta register for my TP soon. Hopefully I'll remember to do it within this week.

Damn. Am letting sloth get the better of me.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:33

Monday, May 22, 2006

Cross Stitch for Charity

Spent a few hours surfing a couple of websites dedicated to stitching for charity (during work, yep) and found it pretty interesting. Basically volunteers will stitch & submit squares of a certain theme... the finished squares will then be compiled into a quilt for ill children or lonely eldery folks @ nursing homes. Well. I just think that it's a wonderful thing to do. I'll be looking thru' a couple of sites in depth and I might just sign up for one.

For folks who have time to spare, do check out my links section (2nd square from the right) at the X-Stitch Tracker.

PS. This isn't to make up for the death of the little ones that I caused last nite. I'll try figure out some other way to make amends for that. Suggestions will be much appreciated. *sigh* I just can't accept that they are gone just like that.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:02

I buried them downstairs. Dug a hole & just lay their bodies to rest. *sigh* I still can't get over it though. The though of them just clinging to my hand when they were still alive. The ones that jump and make a mad dash for the door, the ones that bite... whatever. I just have no idea what can I do to make up for the mistake I've made. Yeah I understand that at times, there's no turning back. Things just simply cannot be undone. They are gone now, there's nothing I can do to bring them back. I would give anything though, to see them move again. To see them hoard around the dog biscuit I'll place into the tank.

Aaarrgghhhhhhh I am, as what Ben kept reminding me, a mass murderer. Not one, not two... but fucking 15. I am now no different from those who use mice as feeders... frm those who ill-treat their pets. I killed them.

Seriously, any suggestion that would make me feel better would be greatly appreciated. I can't just "get over it" or "move on". I need to do something in their name so that they will always be remembered. But what?

Fuck manx. It does hurt.

Shady self-destructed @ 08:52

I am a fucknut. I just can't do anything right. I just hope someone can put a bullet thru my brain rite now. I don't deserve anything. I shouldn't be loved, I shouldn't be pampered... fuck. I shouldn't even be alive. Guess I should go straight to Hell & burn there.

15 lives. All snuffed out becoz of me.

I placed the girls in a small container earlier... when I cleaned up their tank. As I didn't want them to escape, I stupidly placed a heavier plastic on the lid. I never thought anything could happen. 20 min later. All dead. Noot, Haze, JianSu, Chocolate... etc. etc. All 15 of them lay motionless in the container. The majority were still in the prime of their lives. I have no fucking idea why they died. It might have been suffocation. It might have been the heat (15 bodies in such a small container). I dunno. All I know is, itz my fault. Entirely mine.

Seriously. What the FUCK was I thinking?

It hurts. Really. I think my heart is gonna split into two or something. I dunno. I'm just kinda depressed now. Guilty. Aaaaahhhh I wouldn't mind if a monster truck comes and flatten me. I deserve that kinda Fate. They trusted me. They were so affectionate when I took them out earlier. Now? Their heart beats no more.

I killed them.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:14

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Gah. I didn't manage to even attempt the final boss. Decided that Aila & Geddoe's lvl were way too low (56, while the rest are 69) and was levelling up a little. Plus, I need more skill pts for Salome to max his casting skills. Ah well, anyway halfway thru' Ben woke up and there goes the chance to game. Hmm perhaps I'll sleep earlier on Sat nites and wake up earlier on Sun morns. Hopefully I'll get to load the PS2 again sometime this week.

Anyway, am now officially broke.

The Present & the Past

I bought myself a Shayer backpack - at $45 frm Beach Road. So guess itz now time to throw away the old... and use the new. *sigh* I'll miss my old bag though. Itz been with me for more almost 9 years now. I still remember that I got it in Sec 4. Wouldn't dump it away if I had the choice since itz still in pretty usable condition. Thing is, there's a gaping hole at the pocket... and things fall out. So guess thatz not a good idea after all. Plus all the water-proofing is gone. Itz terrible when it happens to rain while I'm riding. Uhm well... orange isn't exactly my color but I kinda like the design of the bag. The alternative is baby blue -.-" Damn, why don't they make decent looking bags in black & white?

Next stop was Pet Mart & Serangoon Nth to stock up on pet supplies. As I type, the delivery guy is making his way to my place. Paid on the spot though. Well, as expected, Ben didn't have $ to fork out, so I had to pay for everything, and boy does his rabbit food cost!! Total amount? $156.40. *faint* The bum claimed that he'll reimburse me his portion when his pay comes. *sigh* Why don't I really believe it? Plus... at the rate things go, u think breeding rabbits are profitable? Nonsense if u ask me. One big bag of Vitakraft rabbit food is like $22. The 7 finish 1 pkt per week. One baby goes for $8 max. 4 kits per litter, which is like once a mth (if lucky). Do the sums and u'll know what I mean.

It doesn't help that he has "borrowed" quite alot frm the house fund the past few days - after I banked in my pay. Now we don't even have sufficient to make payment for both ezyCash and Hong Leong. Guess I'll just have to place ezyCash on hold. The bum claims that he spent the $ to buy stuff for his company and that his boss will repay him on Tues. o-k-a-y. No comments. Really. Which company doesn't have petty cash?

Ah enuff of that fucknut. Itz ruining my mood just thinking about him. Bought Tigger a black collar with a black bell & a metal leash. ^-^ She does look good in it, doesn't she?

But I'm wondering if itz such a great idea? Ben is using the leash to just drag her around the house. Sickening bastard. Seriously... someone like him will face retribution someday. Uhhhh am so exhausted. Wonder whatz for dinner?

Shady self-destructed @ 18:21

Ookay. Itz time. Am gonna attempt the final boss battle of Suikoden III once again - and am going to raise an entirely different party this time (the previous party is really a melee team and itz been proven that things didn't turn out as planned). Strategy I'm gonna adopt? Fuck it. Just wack whatever I see. LoL been thinking about it too much, and there's no way I'm gonna lose any more brain cells. If one thing doesn't wrk, I'll try another. Ultimate goal: beat the game & have fun!! Hmm good luck to me. Hopefully I'll persevere and do it by today. Uhh itz gonna rain? Screw the rain. I'm home and thatz what matters.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:48

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"Goodbye. I am leaving because I am bored."
What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Nice one. Ugly pic though.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:39

Friday, May 19, 2006

Disclaimer: Christians of staunch faith are advised against reading the following entry. It will contain what you folks view as "blasphemy" and certain views that may offend. Well... if u are stubborn and think you can stomach it, go ahead, read. Should you get pissed off, you'll have only urself to blame as no one pointed a gun to your head forcing u to read it. So there.

One Question: What is all that hype about "The Da Vinci's Code" about?

*nod nod* I'm talking about the movie adaptation of Dan Brown's fiction novel. No, I never did read it, and I dun think I'm going to do so - I'd read the Holy Grail book [then again, I'd rather be working on my cross stitch or gaming away... but thatz nt the point]. Yeah the hype. The media articles on the movie, interviews with Christians & churches having their own campaigns and shit like that. Whatz the group portrayed in the movie again? O-something. Can't remember the name. Hmm perhaps they might have been misrepresented, but whatz with all that defensive behaviour? LoL guilty of something perhaps? Don't want the truth to be known to the world? Whatever.

Frankly, I don't give a damn whether Mary Magdeline bore the child for Christ or whatever. So whatz the big deal about this matter? Well... dear Christians, u have children... u have families, so why can't ur God? btw, correction. Jesus Christ is not God. Jesus is the Son of God. A Man aka human like you and me. He was God's greatest gift to the world (supposedly God's only son) - to redeem the sins of mortals. In other words, he's nth more than a sacrificial lamb. How do I know & why am I so goddamned sure? Uhh I was frm a Catholic school and was made to attend 10 years of mandatory Bible classes. I ain't even gonna go into the fact that itz ridiculous for a woman to be pregnant at that time and age if she's still a virgin. Unless u are telling me that artificial insemination goes a long time back. B.C..

Ack. Touchy touchy topic. I can probably write an entire paragraph on why I think Mary got preggie with Jesus & why doesn't her husband, Joseph, have sex with her and all... etc. But uhmm, I've got Christian friends. It wouldn't be something they wanna read, so think they deserve that amount of respect frm me. LoL should you wish to obtain my private views though, you can always drop me an email.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:27

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Nice. Gay-briel has submitted his resignation, quoting some stupid reason such as family objection... etc. (didn't exactly pay attention to what he was saying to Boss Moron) so guess I'll only have to put up with him for another mth or so. Pfftt... I dread the day when he leaves though. I daresay Boss Moron is gonna take his own sweet time hiring a new guy, so all Gayboy's unfinished wrk will be pushed over to me. I just hate continuing what another person started off with - especially if itz someone who doesn't really do his/her work well. Judging frm how Gayboy is wrking, I daresay he is the kind who screws up along the way and there's gonna be alot of mess to clear up. LoL sucker. He doesn't even have the balls to tell Boss Moron in the face the real reason for quitting [that he can't handle the workload & juggle the working hours with his studies]. I would, when it's my turn.

Ah well... am simply counting down the mths to my resignation. Kinda made up my mind. Ain't gonna quit now, but after a year, I'll speak to Boss Moron about the wrking conditions & if there are no satisfactory changes (ie. 5-day wrk week or a pay raise), I'm paying the 1k, and getting my ass outta here once I find a new job - something that allows me more prospects for the future. Like I mentioned b4. The current thingy I'm doing? It's career suicide. I can't wait 2 years to get outta this mess. I'll be 27 then. 27 is OLD.

Money-wise, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Have place Tigger up for adoption on SG Pets Forum. I wonder if I'll get any response - considering that a "local breed" isn't high in demand. Besides, Tigger isn't a kitten... that ruins her chances further. *shakes head* I just wish that ppl wouldn't be so superficial. All they want is a pedigree kitten. FREE. Bloody beggars. Want free stuff yet so picky about the stuff they get... LoL for sure I ain't gonna give Tigger up to them!! Wouldn't want her to eventually end up in the SPCA and euthanised.

Well I'll be screening potential adopters the best I can anyway. Not in a hurry to give her away but I really don't think I'll be able to keep her for the long term (aka. for the rest of her feline life). The house just doesn't have space for a cat! She can't roam the halls coz there are wires around and there's Lacky around. She can't be kept in the pets room coz she'll just kill the small rodents. Plus... I don't have the energy to keep chasing her around, carrying her back to the svc area & sweeping up the cat litter in the morning. Most imptly, I saw Ben kick her last nite. Viciously. All becoz she seemed glad to see him and rubbed herself on his legs. It's not the 1st time he's violent against her. That's not good.

Jeez. There seem to be so many bridges that require crossing ahead of me. Ah well... mai pressure... take things as they come. LoL think I'm going psycho, but seriously, if there's no one around me who can assure me & offer support in times of trial, I'd just have to do it myself. Who better to depend on than someone who will never leave?

Me.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:13

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Well, the throat is feeling slightly better today after guzzling herbal tea instead of plain water yesterday, so am still keeping my fingers crossed that itz just a "heatiness" problem. Will continue drinking the horrible mixture for the rest of the day & perhaps get more rest at nite to see how things so. Hmm.. speaking of rest, think I gotta get up 10min earlier each day now that Tigger is a perm fixture @ Jelapang. Feeding, clearing the mess & grabbing her back into the service area does take up precious minutes!!~!

Hmm... Ben is having flu lately, and he's starting to blame it on the cat. *shrugx* Am not too sure whether itz really the cat thatz guilty (coz he has asthma) but I'll just monitor the situation and see how. If itz really the cat, then bo bian, gotta really give it up for adoption or b4 that bum kenna asthma attack and uses more of the family funds. Itz just sickening though - that he blames stuff on the cat so soon. C'mon lah, the damned dog sheds more than Tigger does, stinks more, pees more and shits more (not to mention, Lacky does it all over the floor), yet I don't see him complaining about that!

Think I need to get a new backpack this weekend. Cigarette box flew outta the lobang in the bag. Thankfully itz just 1 stick left... but still... I wonder if I'll have enuff $ to do the things I wanna this mth. A haircut is necessary. Am starting to look really shaggy & due to the daily wearing of a helemt, shaggy will meant unkempt. Not good. I ain't vain, but I sure dun wanna look like something the cat dragged in!

porky called me yesterday evening. Am kinda surprised to see his no. in my missed calls when I got home. LoL after such a long time, itz amazing that his voice still does sound familliar. Though I must say, he sounds a tad more gentler now ^-^ Plan is to catch X-Men III together. Inititally itz supposed to be The Da Vinci's Code. But if I have a choice, I'd watch the former in the cinema than the later, due to special effects and all. X-Men III would totally suck on my computer screen. Hmm... then again, am not too sure when X-Men III would be opening so I might just be able to squeeze in yet another movie this mth (Omen)! Damn. I miss the days when I can simply watch more than 1 movie per week. Bo bian lah, a movie outing will set me back at least $16 dollars [inclusive of nachos] and even $2 is crucial to me rite now as it can buy me a plate of nasi lemak for lunch.

Jeez. I really hate being on such a tight budget.

And anyway, itz nice to be in contact with someone frm my poly years. Friendships these days are really really tough to maintain. There are a few that I've really lost touch with - probably they are just sick of me declining everytime they ask me out. *shrugx* I don't blame them, really. Coz everyone will have a certain patience limit. Thing is, I haven't been seeing them online on MSN either. LoL yep, paranoia seeps in and I have this inkling that they might have blocked me. They aren't responding to random SMSes either, and yeah that was a little friction a couple of mths back. But hmm should I really be shouldering the blame? Friendships end. That sux big time, but itz part & parcel of life. Think I should just stay positive (coz there are alredi loads of negatives in my life) and nt bother about it. Just that, itz a nagging thought at the back of my mind that is totally irritating.

Well... when friends leave the social circle, all I've gotta do is make new ones, rite? LoL easier said than done. Am like so bogged up with my own stuff now that I have absolutely no energy to hang out like I did before. Perhaps I should adopt the kinda attitude that says - I'm this way, u don't like it, then buzz off coz u ain't the only humans in the world? Hahaha, itz just too bad for me, coz I do treasure friendships a great deal. This kinda reminds me of a magazine article - that the end of a friendship is harder to accept than the end of a bgr. Ahhh fuck it. Thinking about this issue is simply a goddamned waste of time.

Damn. Wish I had more time. Am dying to try out the new mmorpg that DP introduced to me more than a fortnight ago, but have always procrastinated it. Starting on a new game will require at least 3 hours of dedication (character planning, creation, getting used to the controls... etc.), which I don't have rite now. Hmm perhaps this Sun. Before Ben wakes up and disrupts my entire day. In the meantime, will try squeeze out an hour or so to do "background research" before I start playing. Damn. The amount of energy I spend on a game. If only I have the same amount of motivation to do a paying job well.

LoL oh shoot. I gotta complete Suikoden III too!! Itz taking waaaay too long. That'll be another 2hrs min coz I really need to level up and strategize. The last boss ain't easy. Hate those magic battles - coz I have the tendancy to raise a "melee party" instead. F**k I might have to do what I don't wanna do... remove a couple of characters in my current party. Hahah to view things on the bright side, at least my Sunday is planned. Zzz

Shady self-destructed @ 10:00

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Oops! Since that the worst case scenario isn't fluid build-up behind the eardrums! The worse case scenario will be a nerve problem... which means MRI scans, surgery... etc. Eh fuck, the more I read, the more worried I get. Ahhhhh I just hope itz just a small problem of being "heaty". But seriously, since when does a heaty person ever experience ear pain? In the past, when I was heaty... all I had was a terrible sore throat which leads to fever, flu then finally a full blown cough. Gah! That does seem minor compared to the "worst case scenarios". *sigh* Will continue surfing when I get home. Hopefully I won't find anything worse than that those that I alredi have.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:57

I'm just sick & tired of ppl lying to me. Just received an email about a tution assignment at CCK Ave 2 - once a week @ 8:15pm (twice when exams are nearing). Apparently itz the same kid I was tutoring. The girl at 296. Hmmm guess the real reason isn't coz she is too bogged up with schoolwork afterall!! Frankly, I don't understand why. I've been punctual as the parents wanted, and I did guide her with her work and all. Guess her mid-year grades didn't come out as good as expected... but seriously, how much damage repair can be done within 1 mth? It'll require a miracle to pass with just twice a week tution for 1 mth!! Ahhh fuck it. Guess I'm not cut out for tutoring after all - after all that effort trying to get extra stuff for her... etc. Now I just hope that the bloody coordinator transfers me the fees ASAP. Simply hate it when ppl owe me $ for things that I've done.

Itz interesting that the kid at Jelapang has yet to cancel her tution. I won't be too surprised if she does - she failed her Science anyway. *shrugx*

I don't really give a shit now. I ain't gonna let this dampen my morale though. My self-esteem is alredi pathetic the way it is... haix... if only there is some way to erase this horrible memory. Then again, I did try my best. Probably my best isn't enuff... and that I'm lousy afterall. I can't seem to do anything well. I wonder if I'll ever get a job that I can really excel in. Hmm honestly, with my attitude, I'm not too sure. Somehow, things just happen that make me unable to concentrate fully on the tasks at hand. Maybe I'm simply too lazy?

Problem now is - money how?

*shakes head* Doesn't help that I'm physically under the weather as well -.-" The pain in my throat doesn't seem to go away... and itz a weird pain - not a typical sore throat. The pain starts frm the back of the throat, around the jaw bone area, and stretches all the way to the right ear. Never had such symptoms b4 so am pretty worried. Hopefully the pain will subside in a couple of days so I wouldn't have to spend extra moolah on visiting a doc for med. Am currently surfing the net for more information. Worse case scenario - "fluid behind [my] eardrums due to eustachean tube blockage" which will require eardrops, nasal sprays and should the condition not improve... "a small surgical procedure to drain the fluid and put in a ventilating tube" (DoctorNDTV). Keeping fingers crossed that it doesn't come to that. Am alredi broke as it is.

Seriously... why can't life just get any better?

Shady self-destructed @ 10:16

Monday, May 15, 2006

*sigh* Today really doesn't seem to be my day. Received an SMS frm the other tution co-ordinator, Michael. Apparently the other kid at Blk 296 wants to discontinue her tution as well. Mum was saying that it'll be too tiring for the child as she alredi has tution in school. Hmmm, if u ask me, I am more willing to accept this reason as the mum has mentioned the kid's situation to me before (asking me not to give her too much homework and all). Michael says he'll transfer the $ to me. After agent's comission... it isn't much =( Guess itz time to really look for a stable part-time job. Any intro??

Arrgghh I really pray that the Jelapang kid doesn't quit on me either. Itz gonna be damn jia lat if she does.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:47

Itz the 15th. Pay day. Phew ~ I've somehow managed to make the measly amt of $ stretch till today. Still managed to have a couple of bucks as "savings". Hmm... May-June looks slightly more positive as I don't think I'll be making any huge purchases. Well, with exception of a haircut I'm gonna get sometime soon (budget: $150). Maybe I'll be able to treat myself to a foot massage or something ^-^ Then again, perhaps I'll just splurge a little of cross-stitch supplies :P

Hmm... itz Monday. Think my mum should be receiving the cross-stitch card today. Will e-mail my dad to ask him keep a lookout for it.

The weekend was close to perfect. Ben was at home the entire time, and Sy came over to visit (which meant a real good dinner!). LoL frankly I just wish that every week will be this wonderful - with him being at home, doing his share of the house chores instead of hanging out with his dog-pig friends or his mistress. But too bad... I know this won't last. Very soon, he'll revert to the asshole he is deep down inside. No leopard can ever change its spots & I ain't gonna raise my hopes once again (just to be disappointed). Will stay alert and observe the situation frm as many angles as possible. Heh, it didn't help that he did lie again yesterday.

*shrugx* I know it was a tiny little lie, but really, there is no need for it. Zen called him in the afternoon. But he didn't answer. When I asked who it was, he claimed that it was "a supplier". I checked his phone later, and heyz, it said "Zan Ng" on the missed calls list - at the exact time. Afterwhich he continued to claim that he deleted the no., and that Zen's call was actually another time/date. Pah! I am goddamned clear about the date & time - this kinda thing oso wanna lie? Hmm... itz probably sumthing up his sleeve as usual. But since nth happened, am drop the matter for now.

So what ruined the weekend? That s.o.b. Mr Hussein. He finally paid me my tution fees, and know what? He told me that he'll be terminating the tution - for the lame reason that since his son passed the mid-year exams, there is no need for further tution. Damnit. I wouldn't be so pissed if I gotten the full amt. As itz the 1st mth, I only received 50% of the fees. A pathetic $60. Hmm, frankly, I don't think thatz the real reason he stopped the tution. Simply put, I have a feeling that he doesn't like me. Ah well... the feeling is mutual. I don't like him either - typical fat uncouth Indian man!! Not to mention... his son is kinda stupid. LoL Anyway... I wonder if thatz a good thing or a bad thing. Bad: 1 less income. Good: more free time to stitch & game, I don't have to come into contact with those kinda scents again, and I'm finally rid of another puke-blood student.

Seems like the pros outweigh the cons this time! Hahaha ~ but hmm, I don't have any plans at the moment to take up yet another assignment for Sun. But perhaps I'll just drop by my neighbours place to take a look at her daugther's work, since she did ask me a couple of weeks ago (but I kept procrastinating). If itz just next door, once a week, well I don't really mind =)
Think I should just let loose a little. The past few weeks have been hectic, and if it wasn't for the public holidays, I might have died. Even now, ain't feeling too good... having this annoying sore throat since last nite that hopefully wouldn't come with a fever later today. Ain't intending to take any medical leave for the mth coz I would wanna receive my full salary!!! Imagine, this is the 7th mth I've been wrking here and so far, I've only received my full pay once? Damn the Mainlanders. Leave deduct $, MC deduct $ - as if ppl don't ever get sick and all. They deserve to crash and burn in Hell... those stinking little bastards.

Interestingly, gaybriel was composing a lengthy resignation letter last weekend - claiming tat he can take the stress no longer and is gonna quit. Well I say, good riddance! The only problem is, if he does quit, my workload is gonna double... and thatz gonna be sucky. Damn, why does my contract gotta be for 2yrs and his for just 1? If itz just 1yr, I should be getting outta here soon. But noooooo I've got like another 18 mths + to go. F**k. I just hope that I strike Toto or something (not that I do buy Toto so thatz kinda outta the question LoL). Dun need strike alot of $, just 2k will be sufficient so I can slap the notes on their fugly faces and get myself outta here. Will then think about the future w/o an income when it happens.

Now the problem is to get thru' the day w/o my throat snapping into 2. Goodness. Whatz with all those phone calls and other enquiries in the morn? I really don't wish to talk rite now - the more I speak the more my throat hurts. F**k.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:38

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Weekend. So far, so good. Despite being stuck in the office on a Sat. The mainlanders have gone for a trip to M'sia so itz pretty peaceful here. Of coz, I'd rather be home gaming or stitching... but since thatz impossible, this is the nxt best thing that can happen. *nod nod* Not even gay boy can dampen my mood for the day - all I have to do is ignore him (though I must say the sound of furious tapping on the keyboard is damn difficult to block out). LoL I just hope that Ben doesn't come out with something to screw the potentially pleasant day up.

Yesterday was wonderful ^-^ With exception of the housewrk I gotta do, I managed to squeeze in time to watch 1 episode of Bleach, a few hours on The Sims 2, watched WWE Backlash and made satisfactory progress on my stitching.

Phew ~ the main event of Backlash was interesting. Triple-threat. John Cena Vs Edge Vs Triple H for the championship. Wheeeeee... kk I do admit I like Triple H ^-^ and come to think of it, Cena and Edge are pretty good looking as well. Triple H is just the perfect example of how an Alpha male should be, huge and strong yet those hands of his seem capable to hold even a little kitten gently (come to think of it, he'll look damn good with a Doberman by his side) - not some "metrosexual" little sissified boy.

[woops I left this half typed blog on my PC when I went for lunch... wonder if gay boy saw it - he was pretty whinny when I returned... complaining about stress n all LoL].

Anyway... THE GAME

Triple H & Shawn Michaels - Degeneration X

World Champion & Intercontinental Champion
Of course I know WWE is scripted. It isn't called sports entertainment for nth. But u think I care? LoL those personnas they play on screen, don't give a shit either. The guys look good (not all of them, just some) and thatz what matters. Now the interesting thing is... whatz up with May 19 that got Kane all messed up. LoL oh yeah... May 19 - Kane's movie is gonna be released in the cinema!! Whatz the title.. uhh "See No Evil"? Not too sure about it - didn't really check it out but am sure I'm gonna head to the cine for that!
*yawn* 2:25pm and I'm feeling so damned sleepy. Wonder if I should take out my cross-stitch and work on it a little. LoL risky no doubt. But fuck it. I'm being paid so little, I should slack whenever I can. Why bother put in 100% effort?

Shady self-destructed @ 14:25

Friday, May 12, 2006

Itz DONE!! The Mother's Day cross stitch card is finally done!! Phew ~ not to mention, managed to finalise the skin & all of X-Stitch Tracker after around 2 hrs of browsing, downloading, editing & toggling this morning. As of today, all of my cross-stitch projects will be tracked and posted over there ^-^ Wonder how long am I gonna keep that up. Haha *yawn* Now I do feel kinda sleepy... but worse, tummy is starting to rumble. Not too sure what am I gonna eat though. Am way too lazy to guzzy up and talk a walk to Greenridge. Boy I do miss living at Bras Brasah complex. Food is just downstairs!!

Well, Tigger is still around. I was kinda prepared to see her leave last nite. Told Ben to untie the string around her neck & let her roam while the door was left open. She could leave if she wanted to. I was kinda hoping that she'll make a mad dash towards the door towards freedom. But well... she didn't. Instead she stood by the gate and looked outside, then went back to disturbing Lacky. After around 15min, I couldn't stand it anymore, and placed her back in the service area. Guess she would be staying for good? Not too sure... but I intend to go get a collar and real leash for her when I get my salary for the mth =) Not to mention, gotta stock up on kitty food as well! Hmm... a 500g packet of dried kitty food & a pkt of HL milk seems to last about a week. Still affordable I guess. Would purchase the 1.5kg pkt the nxt time - cheaper. LoL perhaps I should just buy 2 1.5kg pkts - different flavours and give her more alternatives. But will Tigger become a fussy eater eventually? Ack.

Pah! I wonder how to stop her annoying habit of chasing my left foot & biting the big toe though. Hmmm... she doesn't seem to be interested in the right foot much. Darn. I think it must be the tattoo on the foot that she's chasing around. Makes it seem as if there's a small moving object for her to chase. Maybe I shall wear slippers nxt time. LoL though the bites and scratches aren't vicious, they still do cause discomfort. Besides, I wouldn't want the artwork to be ruined. So there. Socks or slippers -.-"

Pets are weird creatures. I was doing routine feeding earlier and felt a tiny nibbling on my toe. I glanced down and saw Wings on the floor. Goodness, how the fuck did he manage to get outta the tank? He's the only one outside though - guess I'll never know since they aren't equipped with the ability of human speech... neither did I pump any skill pts. into animal affinity. Haha I think it'll be interesting too, if I have the ability to communicate with animals. At least I'll know the answer to the question most pet owners ask - are they happy?

2:30pm. Time really flies when I ain't at wrk.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:30

Think I'm just gonna let her go. Another stray came up to the 13th floor awhile ago, but wasn't brave enuff to enter the house. Basically Tigger was mewing and pulling at her "leash". Yep. Ben tied her to a pipe in the toilet. Of coz she has ample space to wander around... but I guess, since she was born free, she should be returned to the urban jungle. *sigh* Frankly, I'm reluctant to see her go. The world out there isn't a friendly one. But guess thatz the way it should be. I shouldn't be keeping her here and restricting her freedom. I don't think she'll be happy this way either. She should be out there, running when she wants to, climbing trees, chasing leaves and all that... I just hope that, her life will be well. That no future dung beetle ever lays his/her filthy hands on her. Furthermore, I hope that the AVA doesn't get her and put her to sleep or something. I know I'll miss her... at least the memories will always stay. The past few days with her have been great. Too bad, it isn't forever.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:37

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Finally managed to settle on a blogskin & get the blog started. [ X-Stitch Tracker ] I wonder if I'll have the patience to take digishots now and then to upload into the PC and then into cyberspace. Some folks just seem to have so much goddamned time to do that!! *envious* Yesh, some ppl just seem to have loads of free time on their hands. Was browsing thru' April's CrossStich Collection @ Popular bookstore last evening and my attention was captured by the Readers' Letters section. Some letters came with photographs of the reader's finished work. Gosh!! I would never have that much patience to do such a huge project - not to mention, with beads! Just think of the Lavender & Lace... or Mirabilla patterns. Something that large will probably take me over a year, judging frm my place. LoL Oh, another thing that got me green is that the stitches are so well done. My goodness. I could never ever get my stitches to look that way though I daresay I've been doing my best all along!

Guess thatz just me. Jack of all trades, master of none. Am able to do many things better than the normal folks out there [ie. sketch, stitch, play the guitar, write, study... etc.] but there isn't anything that I can do really really well, if u get what I mean. I don't have a special strength that stands out - unlike some lucky folks. All I can do is a little bit of everything here and there. So is that a good thing, or a bad thing?

Anyway, I didn't make it. The cross-stitch kit is still lying uncompleted on the sofa. Was simply too sleepy to put in the extra 2hrs needed to finish it. Spent too much time online last nite I suppose - and too much time folding the goddamned clothes. Aaargghhh there's still a pile left for me to iron when I get back. The tees and shirts are all mine, so I can't expect that bum to be kind enuff to do it for me. Plus there's another load that hath been placed out to dry just last nite. I think I know how I'm gonna spend the ph tml. *sigh* Itz a nice break though - that I don't need to go for so much tution this week.

I simply dread the thought of getting thru' the nxt couple of mths w/o any form of holiday. Of coz, there'll be the temptation to take medical leave... but... if I do so, that'll mean less income. Bad idea. I won't do that till absolutely necessary and if I do, I'll take the max allowed (2 days/mth) since the dilligence award is gone either way. Ooooo I just hate this job. Long hours, menial tasks, fucked up-cheating-unethical bosses, gay colleague, retarded customers, stuck up ICA and insufficient moolah. To think that my contract only expires on Nov 2007. I'll be what? 27 by then and will have nth substantial to boost my resume. Fuck.

Mental note: get a husband who is able to provide for me so I wouldn't have to work for the rest of my life. LoLx

Right. Driving is on tonite. Better start searching for the map. Jurong Stadium. I wonder how the f**k am I supposed to get there. PIE... then?

Shady self-destructed @ 09:26

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The latest addition to the Pet Safari...

TIGGER!!!

Anyway, as it was still pretty early in the evening (I didn't have to go for tution today), I decided to go along with Ben's suggestion to try introduce Tigger & Lacky. Modified the playpen a little, placed Tigger into it and let Lacky just roam around her. Lacky was really one huge ball of energy. I wonder, is he really that excited to meet a new friend? Or does he merely want someone else to chase? LoLx the reason y I took the risk is coz, heyz, he was fine with Snowy, wasn't he (with exception of the humping of coz)? I don't think he'll hurt a lady... no matter how uncontrollable and "wild" he is.

Result: Satisfactory

Despite Tigger being really afraid of Lacky - with occasional hissing and all, and Lacky being unwilling to sit still I should say itz alright for the 1st day together. At least Tigger didn't jump outta my arms when I carried her close... and Lacky didn't go all growling and snapping. Hmm perhaps there might be a happy ending afterall.

Hmm... oh yah, itz confirmed. I did a check again earlier & I realised that Tigger has nipples. Which makes Tigger a little girl!!~! She is one sweet lady, really. Throughout the introduction, its obvious she was afraid. But she would only hiss and extend her claws @ Lacky, never towards me, who was carrying her like a baby. I'm still contemplating whether to keep her or place her up for adoption though. Tigger has kinda grown on me... and I know I'll be really really sorry to see her go. *shakes head* With the problems I'm having in my personal life lately, am not too sure if keeping her is the right move!!

Feel kinda guilty that I'm nt handling her too well. I didn't carry Krazy all that much - most of the time it was either Krazy running after me or I after her. LoL Krazy is so much less hyperactive so half the time she's off her leash, she's snoozing on the sofa or resting away. Unlike Tigger. The minute the door opens, she bolts... and itz one mad chase around the house. When I hold her, she thinks I'm playing and tries to nibble on my hand. I hope I don't break her bones or something... by the way she writhes and all in my grasp. Plus I accidentally hit her head on the floor earlier, when I set her down a little hard -.-" Gawd I do have loads to learn if I don't wanna kill Tigger by accident!! There are enuff cat murderers out there - I don't need to join the statistics myself!!

Speaking of which - those cat murderers. They should reincarnate as a dung beetle in their next lives. Bloody bastards.

Did my accounts a while back, and yep, I have clearly overshot my budget for the mth. I'm going for driving tml, which mean another $63 bucks outta the window [inclusive of the "registration fee" I owe the instructor]. Think the renewing of my BBDC membership has to wait till nxt mth. I hope there isn't a late payment fee or something. Money suckers. My bike definitely needs petrol... will pump tml, and it'll be at least another 5 days before I officially lay hands on my salary. I'll probably have to dig into last mth's balance to survive till then. Hmmm... but things aren't too bleak. The reason y I overspent this mth is coz I forked out $228 for the handphone and another $200+ for my bike's spare parts.

Well... anyway am currently browsing blogskins - for a 2nd blog of mine. Have decided to create a blog specially for cross-stitching - to mark my progress on various projects. Am sure that itz gonna be a great memento for me in days to come. Pah! Am having a tough time choosing something though. I don't want it the usual "dark" or "disturbed" style. I did try looking thru' the "feminine" choices (coz it seems more suitable for cross-stitch) but almost all that I've seen nearly made me puke. Goodness, thatz just so... not me. Think I'll have to settle for something "cute" but toleratable. LoLx I wonder when am I gonna get it done though. Tonite's gonna be a bz night with housework & more stitching. Gotta get the card posted by tml for it to arrive in time for Mother's Day!

Ganbattemashoo !!

Shady self-destructed @ 20:34

Indeed. When lightning and thunder is around, downpour is never too far away. I decided to f**k it all, and purchase the mag yesterday after wrk. Bad idea. As it had yet to start raining @ Bishan, I decided to make a dash for it. Worse idea. I bypassed the petrol station in order to get home more quickly so I could read the mag. Worst idea. Eventually I ended up soaking wet & trapped at a bus stop (along with many other bikers) at Lornie Road. I couldn't press on coz my engine kept stalling [it always does so during heavy rain]. I contacted my tution coordinator and the end result - tution was cancelled for the night. *shakes head* Payment delayed yet another week. Am really really flat broke now. Another week to payday. Hopefully CCK Blk 294 tution kid's dad will give me my payment this Sun - itz alredi overdue (supposed to get it on my 6th lesson which was last Sunday)!!

Anyway, the mag was messed up by the time I got home. Thankfully the charts were pretty much intact and no pages were torn or "erroded" by the water. Damn the plastic wrapping around the mag. I thought that was supposed to be fully sealed in order to prevent the mag frm getting wet? The Popular plastic bag didn't provide much help either. Water just seeped thru'. Thankfully my handphone wasn't damaged in any way. It got damp, but not soaked. My parking coupons were soaked thru' again, cigarette box soaked (thankfully ciggies okay)... etc. What a miserable evening.

Mental reminder - keep a couple of ziplocs in my backpack.

Hmmm... I think I might have an idea who Kim is. Well, itz just a suspicion, ain't gonna act on it, but I'll keep an eye open all the same. There is a probability that it's someone living near my block, who parks her Gilera runner @ the same carpark on the same level. The thought never crossed my mind till this morning when Ben sent me to wrk. We left the hse late, and happened to bump into her. I noticed that the girl kept starring at Ben. In return, he was looking at her thru' his side mirror while I reversed my bike into the parking lot. Is there any reason for all that eye movement, really? I know, this may sound paranoid, but I'm keeping my mind open to all possibilities.

Interestingly, her bike wasn't around for the weekend that Kim went to M'sia. I only saw her bike again yesterday evening. Itz not possible that she parked at the higher levels coz she's one lazy piece of shit, and will "anyhow park" if there are no avaliable lots. But she was in a lot, so it meant that she returned home during off-peak parking hrs. Note: Kim was on her way back to SG yesterday morning.

Anyhow, I ain't gonna post further about the steps I'm gonna take... etc. right here, coz there might be the probability that Ben's friends read this and notify him about it (though seriously, this ain't ur business so it would do u good to keep ur nose outta this matter). Am seriously contemplating changing my blog addy - to prevent any "plans" frm leaking out - but am way too lazy to modify another template and all. Ah well... will see how things go.

Today's Food for Thought - does everyone believe whatever they read in blogs?

Shady self-destructed @ 10:59

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

O-kay. Managed to get back online after close to 1/2hr on the phone with PacNet Tech support guy - Irwan. Pretty kewl fella. LoL but he did sound kinda relieved when I seemed to know what he was talking about. Anyway, the method he suggested worked. Turn off the PC, unplug the damned wireless USB thingy, turn on the PC again... and then plug it back in. Presto! It wrked!! LoL after all that frustration & trying to crack my brains, it didn't take more than 5min to rectify the problem. Gah. Hmm but I kinda suspect that the hardware is gonna konk sooner or later, considering that itz showing the "signs of aging". During the day, I lost my connection once more, but a simple reboot got that fixed. Pfftttt.... pls remind me NEVER to use wireless connection for my home access. I need something more stable.

Amazingly what it took to lift my mood. I went to Popular after lunch & heyz! Quick & Easy Cross Stitch for May 2006 is out!! I didn't purchase it on tha spot - coz I didn't have the discount card. Well I came back to the office, tried to borrow one but unfortunately, Mdm Ji didn't bring hers today. So... decision time. There is only one issue there. Option 1: F**k the discount, get it today and thatz it, option 2: ask my mum to get it frm the one at BBC & option 3: wait for Mdm Ji to hand me the discount card tml b4 I get it. Hmmm the most tempting option is 1, naturally - considering that itz gonna f**king rain right now!! Aarrgghhh I've gotta go tution later so if it rains, itz gonna be uber troublesome for me -.-" Hmmm I'll probably brave the rain, if it isn't too bad.

Gawd I just hate it when it rains the time I knock off.

Anyway, SMS in the morning ruined the mood for the day. Before I got to wrk - Ben's phone beeped and guess what? Itz Kim again. Notifying him that she's coming back to Singapore. Hmm... time for another romp on the bed I suppose. Which means, he'll probably not be home early tonite - with some last minute ship to attend to, as usual. I've checked out various P.I. companies. Will make the necessary phone calls soon. Am gonna really bust his ass big time.
Shit. Think I'm gonna take the train. Lightning & thunder ain't a very positive combination... and they are normally not too far frm their best friend - the downpour.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:44

This is totally fucked up. The Internet connection at my wrkplace PC isn't working at all today - and so is the LAN. Thus, I am totally unable to access the Internet, and I'm unable to print certain stuff either. How am I gonna get thru' the day, I wonder. *sigh* Why do things always screw up in sequence?

Yesterday wasn't too bad - with exception of a little lack of sleep. Hmm... this ginger colored kitty [whom I named Tigger] adopted me. LoLx. It was perched on my gate when I came home. I walked towards it, expecting it to simply bolt - like most other stray cats. But no, it didn't. I simply 'bo chup' it, opened the door and went into the house. The nxt thing I knew, it was under the sofa o.O!! I tried a couple of times, carry him outta the door... but he would just stay there mewing pitifully. Eventually my heart softened and I simply kept him. Tigger is one playful little kitty. He ain't a full-grown adult yet, and has the typical kittenish playfulness. LoLx, no he isn't a kitten either. Just somewhere in between. Hmmm and somehow, Ben didn't react too badly it to. I bought it some cat food & HL milk. Ah well... I understand that the cat food is mainly for adult cats but thatz the only thing I managed to find @ the Shop N Save at almost 10pm. Perhaps I'll go check out the pet stores sometime soon for suitable food. Thatz gonna tear a larger hole in my pocket.

Anyway, am not too sure if I'm gonna keep Tigger for the long term. Frankly, I can't afford him. And I don't have the energy for yet another pet - especially now that I'm in the midst of doing my "divorce research". Plus, if I do move out, whatz gonna happen? I don't think it'll be a good idea placing Tigger with Krazy. My mum will go ballistic if I bring home yet another cat. *sigh* Will try the pet forums later tonite, to see if there are any takers for adoption. Of coz I'll screen all potentials strictly. I won't accept Tigger being taken to the SPCA either. He's such a doll. Affectionate and all - just a tad too needy.

To be Continued...

Shady self-destructed @ 10:12

Monday, May 08, 2006

As expected, it was PAP who won big time once again. But watch out. Coz the population is aging. Sooner or later, all the pro-PAP folks who are in their golden years will die. The next generation, especially that after Gen X, is a rebellious generation and we are starting to get our rights to vote. Just look at Aljunied GRC. 56.08% for the PAP. Quite a small margin win, if u ask me. Jln Besar, as expected, is a PAP dominated GRC. And Bt. Panjang? The SDA lost miserably. Hahaha. Anyway, apparently, my block at Jelapang Rd is under Holland-Panjang GRC, and not under Bt. Panjang itself, while the surrounding blocks are under Bt. Panjang. Makes any sense to you? None to me.

LoL just listen to the speech they gave if u need a humour break. I was walking past tha field beside Greenridge Shopping Ctr on the way to tution when I happened to overhear a couple of words - we are all wearing white pants... it shows that we are united... etc. blah blah paraphrased of coz. But wah liaox !!~! Can't they think of something betta to say? Why harp on that mentality that ppl who dress alike think alike? Isn't that what children or teenagers do? Those with immature minds? You know lah - those who go out in a group dressed in the same colors and all. Just one word - lame.

*nod nod* Who did I vote? LoLx seriously who do u think I'll vote? Let's just say, I'm rooting for Japan in the World Cup, k ^-^

But anyway, it doesn't matter. I just hope that GE2006 will open the minds and eyes of the PAP, and they would realise that they no longer have as much support as they used to have. Hopefully that'll spur them on to do more for the country & be worth their supporters' faith in them. And hopefully, 4 years frm now, they wouldn't have to resort to giving out $$ (aka the Progress Package) to win over the materialistic hearts of those sitting on the fence. Instead, they would win folks over, by pure strength & results.

Of coz, this doesn't mean that I don't want the Progress Package. LoL it would be good if the dough continues to come in every single year :P But $ shouldn't be the main issue when it comes to voting for a candidate. Get what I mean?

Well. Ben didn't get home till 4+ yesterday. Hmm... when he claimed that his ship was at 11:30pm. What happened? No idea - marooned at sea again, thatz what he'll probably say if I bother to ask him. But I don't think I'm gonna waste that energy. Would rather concentrate on finishing the cross stitch mother's day card in time for post by this Thurs! Fri is a PH, and Sundy is Mother's Day!!~! I wonder if I'm gonna be too late for it -.-" Itz about 3/4 done now. Just a couple of hours more and thatz it.

I couldn't resist pushing my luck this morn. I woke up with cramps (thankfully itz better now and hopefully it'll stay this way for the rest of the day), and I tried getting Ben to send me to work. As expected - he refused... claiming that he is tired. Mental note: Nxt time I get a guy, he has to own his own vehicle [preferably one with four wheels & a roof over the heads] and he has to be willing to send me to work as and when I request - unless there is some other urgent thing to attend to, of course. I am a reasonable person after all k!!~! No vehicle, no consideration. No "heart" to send me to wrk when I have a tummy ache, fuck off.

Ben has yet to outlive his usefulness - so I'll probably keep him around for a little while more. Plus he must be wary about my intention to hire a P.I. so I'll just lie low for a bit, not bring this matter up anymore, and when the time is ripe, there'll be someone there to bust his ass. I wouldn't wanna blow too much $ for nothing. As in most strategy games, a safe retreat is always better than a total defeat :P Of coz, in the meantime, if he is foolish enuff to fuck things up & allow me to catch him red-handed... well, all the better. There'll be less costs on my part [a penny saved is a penny earned afterall!].

I wonder if this is what ppl label as an 'exit affair' - when the guy wants out but doesn't have to balls to express it verbally, instead he goes ard having an affair & leave subtle signs for the wife to pick up... and ultimately divorce him. But heyz, if thatz what he really wants, I'm not gonna give it to him that easy. Plus not to worry, when the time comes, I'm gonna get an atty to fight for my rights and obtain all that is mine.

This is War, and I don't intend to walk away with my tail between my legs.

Heh, anyway was chatting with Sy on MSN last nite and I brought up the idea of having a fling. She told me to go ahead. LoL, u sure u really mean it ah girl? Hmm itz a tempting though. But face it. I don't have the looks to charm a guy and take him home within a night even if I should go clubbing. And furthermore, I am no slut. It isn't word downgrading myself to that extent just to try piss Ben off - not to mention, will he even care? LoLx. *shakes head* It ain't worth it lah. If I'm really gonna have a fling or date another guy... I'm gonna make sure that it happens naturally, and after this r/s is over. In the meantime, a little flirting here and there wouldn't hurt :D Wahahaha... perhaps I should start playing the field. Coz, correct me if I'm wrong, players seem to have all the fun.

-------------------------------
Well. Seems that the renovation at the toilets here are done. Just in time - as I'm having occasional bouts of tummy ache today. Thankfully I don't have to go all the way down 3 stories and up another 3 for the nearest decent restroom (with exception of the CPF building which is a no no for me). Interestingly, nth much has changed - with exception of new toilet bowls & new floor tiles. The loo is now pink. I hate pink. There is still no soap & no toilet paper (which was what gay boy complained about). But guess what? I'm just glad to have the toilet back. Hopefuly this wouldn't change coz Gay-briel is intending to lodge yet another complaint with the CC for failing to provide us with the "basic necessities".

C'mon lah!!~! Just take the fucking toilet paper frm the office down to the toilet and use and it stop whinning about the soap!!~! Bloody insensitive turd. Just coz he uses toilet breaks as a reason to skive doesn't mean that I would do the same and appreciate that "thoughtfulness". I'd rather have a loo within running distance when I need it. Gawd. I wonder why do such "metrosexual" guys exist. Wad the fuck. Is that even metrosexual to begin with? And who is the shithead who invented such labels? Giving gay boys the perfect excuse to be gay? I am seriously starting to hate that sissy.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:31

Sunday, May 07, 2006

"Hi, hw r u? Why don u tx me?" Not Sharon, Shirley or Jessica... but Chrisse. Yep. I wonder if it's the same Chris that was at the hotel the other night. The night when more than $500 is spent. Seriously lah, wad the fuck is this? If that isn't enuff, there are 6 missed calls from his "friend" - Kim. And 4 SMSes telling him that she's nw in M'sia and the hotel that she's staying in. I need a P.I. Can someone introduce anyone to me? If not, I'll be searching thru' the yellow pages tml. When I gather enuff evidence, I wouldn't have to wait 3 fucking years to break this r/s off. This is gonna tear a hole in my pocket but seriously I don't give a shit anymore.

Itz disgusting. To think that I'm sharing a bed with someone this filthy. He doesn't touch me. But mere thought of him sharing my quilt, blosters & pillows is totally sick. Gawd knows who those other women are and what diseases they are carrying on them.

Interestingly, I don't feel upset at all.

Shady self-destructed @ 20:18

Wonderful. I was just typing a rant entry about Ben the Bastard when Firefox crashed on me. Nice. Now I've gotta do it all over again.

This time, the female star is - Kim. According to Ben, she is "just a friend" (don't all guys say that when caught in the act?). He was SMSing her when I peeked over his shoulder - initially thinking that he was probably playing Son of the Mask while waiting for me. When he noticed my presence, his thumb flew to the "close" button and he promptly put the phone away after which. I only managed to see the word 'Kim'. Nothing's going on? Hardly likely. And this ain't paranoia at play. Itz just logic. If there's really nothing to hide, why was he in such a big hurry to prevent me frm looking at the SMS? Plus... why did he not complete the SMS and send it out? Instead he was so guilty, so afraid when I asked him who that was. His response was vague and his body language betrayed him [u know... the shifting eyes and fidgeting].

He claimed that Kim is a long time friend. Interestingly, I never saw her name in the address book while I browsed thru' it many times before. At that time, the phone was in my hands - coz mine k.o.ed and I had simply nth better to do. A long time friend whom he lost contact with and only managed to get her no. lately? Perhaps. And ex-girlfriend maybe (till now, I still don't believe his tale about his ex-gf falling off his bike & going to the spirit world... mostly likely she couldn't stand him and walked out). Bottom line - he has something to hide.

First Chris, now Kim. Who's next? Sharon? Shirley? Jessica?

Shady self-destructed @ 12:29

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Itz done, framed and on the wall where it belongs. 3 down from the horroscope series - 9 more to go. Selected randomly, next task - Virgo. To be completed: ASAP. LoL but that isn't too urgent. I must get the mother's day card completed and posted by the nxt week, and I must get the eagle stitch done in time for my bro's bday in August.

Thankfully nxt week's schedule isn't too hectic. The pri skool kids exams should be over soon, and that'll mean I no longer have to go for tution @ CCK 296 twice a week. Every Thurs would be sufficient. And the one at 294 is alt. Fri. Phew. That frees up a couple more weeknights for me ^-^ Should be able to get my driving lessons back on track once again. Gah! Gotta renew my BBDC membership. That'll be another $40. And for my nxt lessons, gotta pay the 'registration fees' to the pte instructor as well. Additional $30 on top of lesson fees. Hmmm frankly what the hell is registration fees for? I dun see why there is a need to do that. Everything costs $$ in Singapore. Damned. Itz getting way too difficult to live here.

Tsk tsk. Itz voting day, isn't it? No I have yet to go cast my vote. Am just way too lazy to go all the way down to Jln Besar to do it. Perhaps I should just not turn up and get my name struck of the voters' registry or something - which means I wouldn't have to vote for the rest of my life. Itz redundant anyway. Voting. Itz just as good as rooting for Blackburn when they face Chelsea. LoL Then again, in soccer, the ball is round. Wouldn't make the same comments for politics so I guess this ain't a very good comparison.

*shrugx* Too lazy to blog further. Am just gonna enjoy nt wrking on a Sat. This is the way how things should really be.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:30

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Had a close brush with disaster twice this morning -.-" Itz really dangerous to be riding when the sun is like so in ur face, and most imptly, itz dangerous to ride when the mind isn't totally focussed on the task. *shakes head* The 1st time is coz, some asshole cut into the lane in front of me and I had to jam on my brakes. My back brakes didn't work too well & I didn't wanna use too much of the front as it had the tendancy to simply flip my bike head-first over. I didn't manage to brake in time and had to swerve to the right to avoid colliding with the damned vehicle. The 2nd time, I changed lane but failed to notice the car at my blind spot. My fault. I know. But my mind was pretty much preoccupied with other issues.

Namely Ben again. He came home late last nite - after I fell asleep. According to him, he went for dinner and a couple of drinks with his boss & the chief cooks frm dunno what ship. Interestingly, his story was once again filled with contradictions. When I called him after tution, he claimed that he had not eaten... and that he was alredi in the pub (he stepped out to answer the call so the background was pretty much silent). Then he mentioned that he was at a Fillipino pub @ Tanjong Pagar & he was bored coz he doesn't understand the language they were speaking in. Wait a min. Didn't u tell me earlier that ur chief cook is Indonesian? Since when Bahasa Indonesia & Tagalog become the same language? FINE.

It was this morn that I got a pretty huge 'revelation'. I checked his handphone. Yep, couldn't resist it as I know he'll occasionally forget to del his messages. There it was. The SMS in the outbox that said - "hi chris, this is ben from cm marine. i'm at the hotel lobby, where are you?" Hotel lobby? I'll leave ur imagination to do the rest of the thinking. But I'm goddamned sure there is some hanky panky going on.

Bloody bastard.

Anyway, when u dislike someone, its easy to be irritated by all the small things he/she does. *nod nod* Even the way the person yawns, the way the person speaks... or even the "fucked up look" on their faces is enough to push all your buttons the wrong way. ie. Mr. "metrosexual" (as he claims he is - mr. gayboy if u ask me) in the office. Everything just goes sian 1/2 the minute he steps into the office. He'll start lamenting about insignificant stuff and distract me from responding to a personal email. Gah! Even when he uses the phone. I think I did blog b4, about how the way he speaks annoys the hell outta me. Oh, another thing is, when he uses the damned phone, he's standing directly behind me and he has the tendency to just glance over at my screen. I wouldn't know for sure if he's looking @ the text I'm typing or not, but I'd rather alt+tab just to be sure. LoL yep, now that the initial positive thoughts - that there's finally someone else to converse in English with - had faded, I can't stand him. Imagine a man acting like a woman & thinking he's so attractive. %#@!*~

Gahh there goes his furious tapping on the keyboard again. Can u imagine that he actually brought wrist rests for the mouse & keyboard to work? -.-" According to him, he feels pain in the wrists after typing for so long. Of coz he feels pain, that f**king moron. Just listen how hard he's pressing the poor keys. Oh, and itz not as if he types very fast or something. All sound and no action. Reminds me of those irritating bikes with modified exhausted pipes. On top of all that (though this is not an exhaustive list), I just can't tahan the way he carries the Principal's balls. Bloody suck-up.

I just know it in my bones that today is gonna be a fucked up day. After all that trash in the morning, I arrived and Bishan only to find no empty parking lot. Had to park on the pavement. Then Gayboy is at his annoying best today. Nvm. Oh... and when I went to top up the hamsters's food this morning, I found Ciara dead. Probably dehyrdated (or it might be old as I noticed fur discoloring for quite sometime) as I realised that the water bottle wasn't working - despite Ben claiming that he's fixed it alredi. I just hope I won't go home to more dead hammies... and u know whatz gonna totally screw up the day? Finding a parking fine ticket on my bike. Am dead broke now.

I just can't wait for the 4th May to end.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:06

Your Seduction Style: Prized Object
The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get.You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them.The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase.
You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away.You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance.Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't!
You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors.Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor.You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for.
What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Hmm... yeah rite. Am I really that bored here to be doing lame tests? More to come in the near future probably. Yes. I am that bored.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:06

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Caught sight of the above pattern while surfing PatternsOnline for a little - am still in the midst of browsing thru' the stuff there. LoL the more I browse, the more I am tempted to actually order some of them! Gah! But I believe their patterns require PCStitch to open... and I ain't gonna pay for that software!!~! I've got DMC pattern creator installed, but that doesn't seem to work too well when it comes to opening a pattern frm an image/photograph. Tried using Krazy's photo but the end result was something so pixilated. Looks more like abstract art if u ask me -.-" Anyway... the above pattern would look good in my room. Definitely. LoL I ain't a morning person and I daresay I look somewhat like that grouchy kitty in the morning!!~! Oh yeah, there are some pretty kewl dragon patterns on the site too. I wonder how much floss thatz gonna require coz the patterns look like they are PC converted frm an actual picture. I wouldn't be surprise if it requires more than 50 different colors!

Wed. 2 more days before the public holiday. Know what? This is the way things should be actually. Work till Fri, with Sat & Sun off. If I want a 6 day schedule, I would be in F&B for gawd's sake!!~! Most offices operate on a 5-day or at the max 5.5-day week. Well I know this is a damned language school... but still... I'm office based.

The principal should really go to hell. The Eddie Guererro's motto (lie, cheat & steal) is getting slightly outta hand here. Obtaining a GMAT CD f.o.c. frm the organisers, and not giving it to the student. Instead, he's intending to sell them as "materials" to the unsuspecting kids there who might be interested to take the test. Goodness. Is every school as unethtical as this? Makes u really think twice should you be intending to further your studies overseas, doesn't it? As if it isn't enough photocopying frm assessment books & compiling stuff to form "the school's materials", and charging exhorbitant prices for minimal work... not to mention, that fat-ass isn't even considering getting a damned water cooler here coz according to him, the students will drink alot of water & the school's costs will increase. Ehhh. Itz not that ex manx - considering the amount of postitive attitude that will result.

Itz amazing that the School has been in operation for this long. I just can't wait for something big to happen, and they get forced to close down. Best is if it'll result in that fatass being an bankrupt after it all. Such ppl need retribution but apparently they are simply enjoying their lives. Now. Tell me again that an impartial God exists. There are good folks are suffering out there and the nasty ones just get everything going for them!!~! *rolls eyes*

Ben is getting from bad to worse. He borrowed yet another $100 from me last nite - leaving me real broke. Hell, I'm in the negative for this mth (considering that the insurance premium should be deducted by now) & there are another 2 weeks to go before my salary comes in. I showed him his monthly expenditure on the computer last nite - after all his "estimations", he'll be in the negative every single mth - and thatz just gonna pile up. Oh know what? He doesn't see anything wrong in borrowing frm others at the end of each mth. Returning when salary comes in, and borrowing yet again the nxt. Now tell me that isn't a downward spiral to financial ruin. He still dares to mention that we haven't been returning our parents any $ each mth. I showed him the accounts. The reason why we haven't been doing so is coz he borrowed every single spare cent that we have in the house fund!!

That fella really does need a sharp smack in the head. Anyone's gonna volunteer to do it for me? He's starting to leech my cigarettes and that is totally unacceptable behaviour. That'll mean that I'll purchase my tobacco more oftenly & that'll increase my mthly expenditure!! I don't think that itz fair. Just coz I leave my ciggies lying around the house doesn't mean that anyone except me would be smoking it. Plus, he always feigns innocence when confronted. I don't care. I am 100% positive that he took 2 sticks frm me last nite and I sure am gonna hound him for it. If he doesn't wanna return them, fine. I'll quit smoking!! At home at least :P I'll see what he's gonna do when there is nth for his itchy fingers to take.

Bloody hell. Does anyone really need to smoke that much? Smokers. I'm one of them, but I can't understand them. The only withdrawal symptoms I get if I go smoke free is my increasing touchiness. Itz psychological more than physical. Now tell me again, whatz it about if a person doesn't smoke he gets asthma? Kaox!

Shady self-destructed @ 09:32

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

+ A r c h i v e s +

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+ S e l f L i n k s +

Cross Stitch Tracker

+ C r e d i t s +

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