Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Monday, October 31, 2005

*nod nod* It was a long day yesterday. Kenna conned by Ben oso. In the middle of the nite, ran outta cigarettes, then suddenly he wanted to go down buy, ask mi accompany him. Fine, so I went. Didn't wear my contacts, didn't bring anything oso. Then he didn't wanna go 7-11, but insisted on gg the coffee shop @ Greenridge... I started to suspect that sumthing was wrong. And I was right. Upon arrival, I saw Jacky, Eric and their gfs. Apparently they alredi had plans to meet there... hell, it wasn't a coincidence for sure - even though Eric tried to convince me that it was. Told him that I wasn't stupid, that I had a brain and he should really try harder. C'mon, a coincidence? Hah!! They even had his drink bought ready and waiting for him. Needless to say, it was a boring 2hrs. Could have levelled up at least twice if I had played ROSE instead. If Maple? I could have gotten at least 20% of exp, and 1 pig head at least.

Today was not much more pleasurable. Went to JB with them. The only reason why I went along was for the PS2 games. Bought 8 games in total... not all are games that I wanted actually, but ah well... if Ben wants to play, then let him. Perhaps he'll find something more interesting than watching TV all the time. Though I have a weird feeling that I'll be the one who ends up playing all of them eventually. One of the titles I bought was Harvest Moon!!~! Wahahah, can't wait to try that out when I bring the PS2 over. Scrapped the idea of getting a new set liao. Simply won't be able to afford it. Disappointment is that I didn't manage to buy Suikoden IV and Silent Hill IV coz both are outta stock -.-" Maybe I can borrow them frm friends who have finished playing them. Ah well... complete the other RPGs I have 1st then say ba ~

Gahhh, come to think of it, spent alot of $ today. Went down to the pet store in the evening and picked up 2 pkts of hay, 1 water bottle, 1 water dispenser and 2 playpen grilles (to expand the current pen we have). I won't be surprised if our expenses for the day, including the cab fare home, totalled up to $100 siahx. *sigh* To think we should really be keeping those $ for the bills instead. Brings me back to the topic. I need a job.

Am gg for an interview tml morning. 9am. Goodness, what kinda hour is that? Bishan somemore. *sigh* All this interivew process is getting me real drained. The more interviews I attend, the more demoralised I get when I fail to get a job offer. Alredi given agencies another shot liaox. Sent my resume to Adecco and Kelly Services. I wonder if they'll contact me. Even if they do... will anything come outta it (instead of merely meet-ups at the agencies)?

Shady self-destructed @ 01:21

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Ookie, they are here - Snowy & Jubi (named after jujube... whatever that is I am eating). Both female. Both about 6 weeks old at the moment. Have alredi introduced them to our resident rabbits and after a few scuffles with bunnie, while Harry behaved like an older brother, they are now resting together in the same playpen. Of coz, their progress will be monitored b4 deciding whether they are able to be placed together w/o supervision.

Eric didn't come along earlier. Phew. But itz gonna be a loooong day, as Zen is on his way to our place -.-" Said he wanted to borrow Jacky's bike again. Then I dunno when is Jacky gonna jio Ben to pray. PRAY again. Why is there so much praying gg on - tatz what I wanna know. Especially when someone claims to be a free-thinker. Bullshit.

And the home's financial burden becomes slightly larger...

Shady self-destructed @ 18:49

Another 2 rabbits coming over later. 4pm collection time @ Boon Keng. I wonder how those rabbits are gonna be like. So far, to be frank, I don't exactly adore the ones I alredi have at home. They eat and poop all the time... and they bite, even after so long and so many attempts of taming them. Ben called Eric to go down with us, to verify the gender of the rabbits. Hmm... they are just 1mth old - just weaned, is that possible? I hope Eric isn't free. Itz a bore when I see any of Ben's friends. Itz Saturday today. Guess there's gonna be another coffee session at Greenridge tonite - they call him every single weekend. I ain't gg this time. Gaming is still the betta option. Then again, perhaps I am the one with the problem all this while - I am the one w/o a social life -.-"

Shady self-destructed @ 12:03

Friday, October 28, 2005

Pomics, Needle Pomics and Elder Pumpkins - these are the creatures of my recent hunt on ROSE. lvl 14 now ^-^ Got loads to do before I could catch up with DP and FF. The daily checklist quest is rewarding enough but quite a hassle to be running up and down the maps. Not to mention... monotonous and boring -.-" Like what me and FF talked about yesterday (when I said that I heard itz possible to survive on Ultima Online w/o being a combat player), itz pointless to play an RPG w/o combat.

lol ~ brings me back to the days when I was playing Oz. Guess the only reason why I managed to play for that long is coz everyone else around me seems to be doing so. Peer pressure. hahaha. Lame game it was. I can't imagine that I did turn up for their real life events & even bought 1yr's access at $36. Now itz f.o.c. again. The novelty just wore off. I mean... who the fuck can play a fishing game forever? I suppose, ppl initially play it coz it presents yet another opportunity to widen the social circle. Hmm it might have worked for some, but I never kept in close contact with those I got to know via Oz. Only 2 is left on my MSN list, but I hardly [or should I say - never] talk to them till they msg me [when they need sumthing and have no one else to turn to]. Pointless. Tried TSO for a period of time, and itz nothing more than a virtual chatroom with some things to do, really. Habbo Hotel is worse. *shakes head*

Last nite was boring. Much as I didn't wish to, kenna dragged over to his parents' place again. This time I had a book though - so I ignored everything else that was gg on. I wonder if the Chinese medicine really works. Looked at Ben's one and it seems toxic. Some green liquid stuff. It must taste bad. Wonder why his parents believe in those kinda stuff so much... and Ben has to go back every day to take the medicine. Gah!!~! Whatz worse - his arrogant uncle was there again, and he made a sexist remark that I tried really hard to ignore. Really sux big time that ppl like this still exist in 2005.

Went for the job interview earlier today. Agent said tat she would forward my resume for 3 different positions. I really hope that there'll be at least 1 positive. The positions are all beginning December though. Shucks. I'd better start flipping the papers tml and call up some tuition agencies as well. Keeping the cash-flow constant would be ideal, considering that Ben is gg start job hunting after his surgery nxt mth.

Speaking about Ben... went down with him to Bukit Batok DBS branch to bank in his cheque earlier and the topic about seperate bank accounts came up again. Hopefully soon, I'll be able to implement that plan at least. I still refuse to believe that he doesn't have a personal account. Questioned him about his OCBC one and he said that he closed it alredi, and have surrended the card. I dun remember him telling mi sumthing like that b4. The previous story was that... $2 was deducted frm his account mthly till there's nothing left, and the bank auto-closed it (how is this possible?). *shrugx* I am not against him having a personal account. Am just annoyed that he still keeps cash stashed away while I've alredi given more than I should for the ROM and the home.

Cheah. Getting sick of ppl msging me on MSN saying "hi, how are u?" Gah!!~! Apparently I ain't the only one feeling this way as Zid is complaining about the precisely same situation. Wonder why do such fools even exist. If itz a friend that hasn't met up for quite sometime, fair enuff - just another form of catching up. But frm someone whom u haven't even met b4 for real? Gives u the plain impression tat the person has nth else to say. Morons.

Shady self-destructed @ 18:56

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Since 10+ in the morning I've been gaming. Alternating between Maple Story & ROSE Online. Hmm... Rose seems to have a better community though (minus all those childish whinners on Maple & extreme ksers) ^-^ Plus, their quests are worth doing as the reward is normally exp. Oohh and the best part? You can't jump in the game. Perfect. The only thing is, the maps tend to be sprawling huge and the 3D graphics very "xiong" for system resources. Doesn't seem to lag much though, which is good =) Managed to get myself up to 1st class there - lvl 11 hawker now. lol. Yeah horrible job title ehx? Hawker. From the character descriptions, itz a rogue or thief lah ~ Mages are known as Muse there... and traders/blacksmiths are Dealers. Monsters wise... uhh I've seen better monster design. Guess the best mmorpg I've played so far is still Ragnarok Online. I wonder how Ultima is o.O??

Going back to my parents place for dinner later. Ben says he'll be coming along, but he ain't too happy about it. Yeah yeah whadever. Don't give a shit about how he feels anymore. Then tonite he still has to go home to rub his mom's arms. Apparently her arms are numb or sumthing. Gah!! I hope they would just fall off. Or rather... the best thing that should fall off frm her is her tongue. So she can just shut the fuck up. Weird huh? He must be the one who goes home to rub for her? There's a dad at home... and an elder brother. What are they? Useless? No way am I gg over though. Waste of my precious time.

Got an interview tomorrow, for some temp job. *sigh* Thru' yet another job agency. Have this feeling that itz gonna be a waste of time & petrol to even go down for the agency interview. Orchard at 10am. Itz gonna be an early day -.-"

Now what to do for the rest of today?

Shady self-destructed @ 17:42

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Aquila is maxed out again. Asiasoft is being real pathetic in fixing such problems. As if opening Bootes is gonna help much - considering that everyone's main character is in Aquila. They should either increase their server capacity and open up more channels... or do a server split. I don't see iRO have problems with max capacity!!~! Too many users logging on at the same time probably. Itz always the case. After 3pm... all the way till 10+ or later, the server is maxed out. Which means, am unable to game during that duration. Lame. Download is up to 91% now. If ROSE online works for me, and if I enjoy that game - I might do a switch. Itz foolish, adjusting my sleeping hrs just to accomodate to a game.

Haze gave birth to her 1st litter yesterday. Baby count was then 6. Today? No survivors. 3 dead bodies left behind - one w/o a head. I believe they died of either suffocation or starvation. Just look at the state of the nest. She filled up the entire thing to the max with carefresh litter, with the babies buried inside. Itz the 1st time I've seen something this ridiculous done. Was alredi having doubts yesterday, when I noticed that Haze made no attempt to feed the babies or group them together to keep them warm or something. Where did all her maternal instincts go? I wonder -.-" Yeah... perhaps she doesn't have an old female around to guide her... but look at Noot. She did a great job!!~! Fat Bola was around and helping but remember, Fat Bola never had a litter of her own. So where did all that maternal affection come frm? Kinda makes u wonder huh? How animals do things plain instinctively.

As for the hamsters and gerbils. Not even a sign of any babies yet. Rabbits are too young, don't expect anything frm them. Frankly... till now, I've doubts that the rabbits are a m & f pair. They were way too young for confirmation when we've got them. Till now... Harry's balls aren't showing. So itz kinda questionable. Anyway... another pair of rabbits should be making their way here this weekend. Expenditure is gonna rise!!~!

Spent the past few hrs clearing the cages & tanks of the hammies and mice. 2 more huge 3ft tanks to go - that is if I decide to clear the gerbils' habitat as well. They don't stink, so there ain't a hurry to do so. The one that saps up the most energy, food & resources are definitely the rabbits. Their litter tray has to be cleared every 3 dayz or so... and itz a huge litter tray, so alot of bedding is needed. And they just seem to be vacuum cleaners who don't stop eating!!~! At this rate... I wonder if we're able to upkeep them siah ~ Hopefully more ppl can respond to the pet sitting ad I placed Yahoo! Classifieds. Need some extra $ to maintain the pets. Pet sitting is troublesome & doesn't earn much... but if I get 1 per week, it'll be sufficient to raise the brood I have at home.

As usual, Ben doesn't seem concerned about our current status -.-"

Shady self-destructed @ 18:49

2 more jumping quests unlocked now that I'm lvl 30. Tried both. It was a waste of meso. Not to mention a goddamned waste of time. *sigh* The thing is... I have to do the quests, espeically the one with John & the blue violas. Reward is a lvl 35 glove siah. Gah!! Come to think of it... fuck it. Pointless getting frustrated and pissed everytime I do that. If I want a higher lvl glove, guess I've to just collect the materials to synthesize it. Or buy off the gloves frm another player. Am tired of those quests. I just hope that someone is able to do it for me.

As if it ain't a frustrating enuff day.

Came back frm Ben's parents hse awhile ago. I was there for 2hr +, being a dummy again... while conversation just went on in Hokkien w/o me. Shows the amount of sensitivity the family has huh? If that ain't annoying enuff, his mom still can tell me - I am chinese and I can't speak chinese. Yeah she probably spoke w/o thinking, considering she's a woman a brain smaller than a bird. Low EQ as well. That statement really pissed me off. It ain't the 1st time she said it. Tried to ignore it the previous times but itz fucking irritating. I am Chinese. SO?! Does every Chinese know how to speak Hokkien? That ain't even my dialect for gawd's sake!!~! Plus... itz the 21st century now. Still wanna hold on to Chinese traditions? To hell with him and his family lahx. They can all fuck off for all I care.

Who is there to blame? No one else but myself of coz. I should have seen the signs earlier. I should have realised that this is not the kinda family I wanna associate myself with. I thought I could adapt. It was interesting at the start - to be learning sumthing new. Now the initial interest have worn off. Itz becoming a pain in the ass instead. To think - in future, the responsiblity of his parents is gonna be pushed to me as well. Yah yah I am selfish. So wat? This is not what I want!!~! Thought tat I could overcome the odds somehow. But I was wrong. Fine. MY FAULT. And I sure don't need anyone to keep reminding me of the mistakes that I've made... yadda yadda.

If you have a perfect life. Good. Just live it, and stay away frm mine. Itz pointless if further discussion takes place as apparently, u'll never understand a person's situation till u've been put into it. Plus, I never did ask for advice, did I? If u wanna help. Let me tell u how u can help. Just shut the fuck up and get off my back. I know the rut that I'm in. And I am trying to get outta it. But it doesn't mean that I can't have any slack time for myself. Can't I ever relax? Am I supposed to look around frantically till I die or implode? Can't I even escape reality for a bit? Yah yah I've heard it b4, that itz cowardly to run away frm troubles... but guess what? Itz suicide to face them 24/7. My sanity is at stake here. I dun wanna end up in some mental institute at the end of it all.

Mental pressue is building up. Now that Ben is no longer wrking as well. I'm faced with someone with perm PMS every single minute of the day. The only solace I get is gaming and snoozing. He's just being a grouch the entire time. Perhaps he has pressue. Yeah I know he has pressue. Hmm... and me? Pressure free huh? This is just wonderful, isn't it? Such a fulfilling life I lead.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:00

Monday, October 24, 2005

30 cakes? Thatz it? Fuck it manx... some ppl were lucky enuff to get the "Pig Sword" and all I get is 30 goddamned fucking cakes frm Utah's pig farm. Wonderful. The quest wasn't difficult... but irritating. Arrgghhh am short of 1 more pig head. Hopefully Locke will pass mi his later. Itz 2+. Sun is shinning into my room again, directly on my keyboard. air-con time. I wonder, at this rate, how much electricity am I consuming... and how high is the bill gonna be siahx. Anyway, the new computer table should come soon. So guess this is just temporary? Gah!! 30 dark marbles I need before I can become a bandit. Another stupid thing on Maple. I've been playing since 9am, believe it or not... just to get the pig heads. KaoX. The minute I become a bandit, am logging off. Enuff of wacking monsters for the day.

Itz the 24th. Tara is gg home today. She's a wonderful rabbit, despite not being too friendly with humans... am gonna miss her presence!!~! Heh, took a digishot of her to remember her by =)

Tara snug in her corner

5 more marbles to go before I become a bandit. *sigh* This is really taking forever. I never fail to ask myself, why am I still playing Maple despite all this crap? lol Guess itz an issue of really nothing betta to do.

Itz the 24th. Been 3 weeks since I sent the fucking application to MOE. Still no response. Think I can condemn those plans to Hell liaox ~ Still I am unemployed. My slacking mth is almost over now and I am really starting to worry about the nxt mth. How to survive w/o pay coming in this mth on my part? The 2 mths pay was supposed to last till nxt mth one lohx ~ now itz gone with the wind. Ben says not to worry, since his pay is coming in soon. Yeah... the typical guy who doesn't think about long-term. His pay comes in. Good... but it ain't gonna be enuff to pay off the bills for nxt mth. Plus he's gg for surgery. How much is that gg cost I have no idea as yet. Aaargghhh, really, how not to worry? Am alredi cutting down on my food & drink intake... drinking plain water isntead of getting orange juice. *sigh* Dun really know what else could be done siah ~ Everything no response. Even signing up with tuition agencies seem fucking useless.

Hmm... I really hope Ben is true to his word though. That he'll quit smoking nxt mth once he goes for surgery. Honestly... u think thatz gonna happen?

Done. Bandit. Now what?

Shady self-destructed @ 14:55

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Updated my photo album awhile earlier - since I have nothing better to do. More pix of my mice added *grinx* Itz a shame that they aren't as photogenic as the gerbils though. They just seem to be on the move all the time... difficult to focus with a camera. Perhaps I need one with a faster shutter speed? Haha but I got the digicam f.o.c. so who am I to complain? Found out that the max it could take is 30 images. Maybe if I can get a job, I'll get a memory card for it too. Hmm not that I'm trigger happy, but yeah I might come in handy sometime =)

Itz another boring weekend. Ben is off helping his sister move house, and he'll be gg to pray tml morning with his mom. So much about not having a religion. Pah!!~! Say it only if u mean it manx. Religion ain't sumthing to take lightly. Itz faith. Have it, or like me, don't have it. His mom asked casually if I wanted to go. Nah... doubt she sincerely wants me along. But I declined anyway, since itz gonna be a waste of time. Go there and what? Get annoyed by incense smoke (since I was a kid I never liked the smoke... irritatees my eyes... now itz worse coz I'm wearing contacts)? Itz just too hypocritical if I were to offer incense as well... I think the God will be pissed off instead. "You don't believe in me and u are praying to me? Accomodating ahx?" - then strike me down with a bolt of lightning. Bad idea.

Anyway had an interesting conversation with Sean earlier, about suicide. hahaha... the what ifs. Imagine. You wanna commit suicide. Good. Jump off building... die... nice. Jump off building... *splat*... dun die... jia lat. Take poison... die... perfect. Take poison... puke... end up in hospital... no good. Hang... die... go to heaven. Hang... rope break... fall down... butt pain. Bang by car... die... wonderful. Bang by car... don't die... paralysed... living hell. Heh guess itz always the what ifs that stop ppl frm actually taking the plunge ehx? Anyway - ppl who really wanna kill themselves don't threaten. Neither do they call for help. So if I get any calls frm someone who wants to die... I'll tell them go fuck off. lolx. Frankly, even if I went down, what could I do? For sure I ain't one of those with "wonderful, fulfilling lives". I won't be able to talk the person outta it anyway. Then again. I can tell the person about the what ifs and that fella might be so cracked up with laughter that he/she decides not to die eventually?

Ugh backache. Computer on floor. 'Nuff said.

Shady self-destructed @ 15:24

Friday, October 21, 2005

Weak females are everywhere. The traditional damsels in distress that appear in almost every story. Stupid girls/women who can do nothing but cry and whine while their commrades put their asses on the line to protect their worthless lives. Cheza in Wolf's Rain is no different. Hana no musume. I just wonder, what is it about those women that are so important? That ppl would actually give up their lives simply to protect them? So is it true to say that a woman's strength lies in her weakness? Being frail and fragile... that seems to be the very qualities that attract men to them. Much like flies to rubbish. Strong women have spent decades fighting for their rights. For equality. Yet foolish ones tend to resemble the old stereotype. That women are nothing more than a sex symbol.

Just look at the media out there. Look at the famous ppl. Especially the so-called "singers". They all get ahead by being a slut. Dress less, pose more... look like the sex-hungry slut they were born to be. That is the English music scene for you. The Chinese one? lol. Not that much better. Just look at all the CD covers in a typical record store under the female artistes section. Don't they all look the same? Packaged to be bimbos to attract men, simply to sell records? Speaks alot about their capability huh? Just look at the number of long hair, doe-eyed females out there... who pose with the typical pout and cute face. Much makes u wanna cum on her, don't u? Itz as if they are ready anytime, to welcome a dick in their mouths.

Like I mentioned. The males are attracted to the likes of these, like flies to rubbish. Pathetic, really.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:38

Money and sneaky behaviour. That always seems to take place when Ben goes back to his parents' home. Was there earlier... and I happened to see Ben & his mum discussing private stuff in the kitchen. On the sight of me, sumthing was stuffed into the pocket. *sigh* I know Ben has been giving his parents $ behind my back. And probably the reason why he doesn't let me know is coz it's a mutual agreement that we don't give our parents $ till the loans are all settled. If I find out that he's been doing so, I would wanna give $ to my parents too. Still... it's not an excuse to keep things frm me, neither is it an excuse to lie. Am getting really sick & tired of it. He's brought up in a family tat does things behind each other's back - where trust isn't in the picture. Just imagine... his mum lent us 5k but told us not to inform his dad? C'mon. I grew up in a family that places accounts on the table for all to see. Both mum & dad has seperate personal accounts and a joint family one as well - no hiding here and there.

This r/s is doomed to fail. I just hope he mentions the divorce 1st... and ASAP. Coz i know I wouldn't be able to let go by myself.

Shady self-destructed @ 07:00

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The baby mice are growing healthily and a few have alredi started to eat solid food !!~! Their eyes have all opened and they are starting to "grow out" liaox - no longer big head and short tail pattern. lol ~ no matter how many times I see this, I simply never get sick of watching them grow by the day. Hmm... considering that this is their 2nd week, the nxt litter should be on the way soon. Even Haze is showing signs of pregnancy now. Should be making plans for seperation of gender real soon =) Will judge by the size of the nxt 2 litters. If Haze & Noot's litter aren't too far apart - I might try introducing them to each other. I wonder what color will Haze's litter turn out. Their father is most probably Toot who seems to be the alpha male when all 4 were kept together. Only shame is I'll never get albino babies. lol ~ unless someone has an albino male to loan me for breeding purposes?

Ick. More phone calls from employment agencies today. Yeah yeah I just wish they could offer me something solid instead of keeping my hopes up now and then -.-" Went to pay this mth's handfone and ezyCash bills and there ain't much left!! Gawd, why can't Ben just keep his goddamned bill down? I don't believe that he doesn't surf the net or download smut using his fone... considering that the Gee! data usage came up to almost $30!

Hmmm Maple is gonna be down till 1800hrs. Ookie, no levelling for the day I guess - unless by some miracle I manage to get up in the midst of the night to play. Am hunting wild boar now, for quest items, so I can't afford to compete with too many other players. Too much ks going on. Plus the less I communicate with those children, the better. Ack ~ Nella & Kerning City's citizens quests have been restarted. Which means... I need 50 fucking Jr. Necki skins again. Now how the fuck am I supposed to do that? Pot like mad?

Time to continue watching Wolf's Rain. Been thinking of the anime the whole time.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:53

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Just finished watching episode 3 of Wolf's Rain. Interesting anime. *grinx* The artwork is good too - reminds me alot of Witch Hunter Robin. Come to think of it... yeah. One of the main characters - Kiba looks just like a younger version of Amon. I wonder if they're done by the same artist [and Amon is just a more solem version of Angel Sanctuary's Kira]. Heh should really start raiding my bro's stash of videos the nxt time I get home. Which is... tomorrow ^-^ Seems that he has some good shit lying around. Come to think of it... I wonder where did I put Malao's DVDs. It should have been taken over frm Bugis, but I can't remember which goddamned box did it end up. Should take this chance and finish them once and for all. I've borrowed it for a real long time alredi , and I think he's getting annoyed -.-"

Dinner last nite was good, even though it ain't Sakae at the end. Ended up at Ajisen Ramen in Bugis instead :D mushroom ramen is nice XD~~

Gah gotta get passport photos later. Got an interview lined up tomorrow morning. *sigh* I just hate it when ppl ask for photographs. They are normally non returnable... and itz like oei, I spend $ getting those photos taken k? Fucking waste of $ especially when I don't get the job at the end of the day. Job job job. I need one. Keep getting phone calls frm job agencies telling mi about this and that position that is open, asking if I want to try. Told them to go ahead, forward my resume... and at the end of the day? No response. Wonder what they hell are they doing. There's this temp one that I'm interested in. Data entry for 2 weeks. Pay is peanuts, but at least it'll give me something to do. Keep the moolah rolling in in the meantime. Hmm guess when I go home tml, I shall start calling up to respond to ads seeking part-time or temp ppl too. Wouldn't wanna waste another day.

For now? I shall slack... and perhaps gain more exp on Maple later. Spent the entire morning messing ard with Locke. Completed 2 quests too. Ugh, I really dread the jumping ones. Hopefully kure can help mi when he books out this weekend. In the meantime... anyone wants to help mi complete Sabitrama's bloody jumping quest? Wonder why I never had ample patience for such things. I'd rather collect 1000 wild boar's tooth than do 1 jumping quest. Plus my inventory is pretty much clogged up. Arrgghhh, should give players more inventory slots. Or at least, allow a larger storage space. I miss RO.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:29

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Back home again. It does feel good to return to a familiar environment. Shame that parents home is too far away frm Jelapang or I would definitely come back more often. Damn, why didn't I put my foot down and insist on getting a place near my parents home instead? Aarrgghhh...

Was reading a few articles on Her World earlier and this particular one about bloggers caught my attention. Malao mentioned it once in his forum, saying that thru' blogging, some women get to be celebrities. Gah, never knew it was such a big deal. I wonder why would anyone worship a fellow blogger -.-" Guess ppl are just suckers for gossip. Reading about another person's life might make a person feel better about his/her own? Anyway, what can I say? Those ppl are simply overrated. Is society that pathetic that they see a need for new "idols"?

Pooh. Ben just called me. Apparently he's meeting Jacky & Eric for dinner. As expected. He wouldn't be able to stay alone if I ain't there. Prior to this, I was alredi asking him, if he would go out and meet his friends... he keeps denying, saying that he'll go home and wait for me. Look who has been proven right once again? Wonder if he has this weird phobia of lonliness that he is unwilling to admit - or perhaps, that he doesn't know about. Hmm... phobias may see irratonal to others, but itz pretty normal. Me? I have slight caulastrophobia [might have gotten the spelling wrong] I guess. The fear of closed spaces. lol, I can still take the lift as normal, but put me in a crowded lift, I'll feel uneasy... and if the lift happens to get stuck at that time. Goodness, I might just kill someone. hahaha ~ I just can't stand being in a place/position that doesn't allow me to stretch out my hands/legs when I want to.

Bloody hell, raining?!

Shady self-destructed @ 17:43

Once again boredome sets in. *sigh* I never dreaded gg out b4 this much, till I moved to Jelapang. The thought of making the journey down to town really sux. Much as I wanna go :P I hate to travel in such weather. Itz BBQ hot out there today. Where are the clouds when they are needed? Ah well... could be worse. It could be having a thunderstorm outside. Bike oso very long nvr ride liao, rotting away. Meeting Sy later for dinner XD Itz gonna be Sakae sushi... muahaha ~ I just love gg to buffets. Eat eat eat all I want. Getting fat? Fuck it. Don't really give that much a damn anymore. Hmm... actually judging frm the weather outside, if I'm still living at Bugis, I would have gone for a swim. Here? Where is the nearest pool I have no idea -.-" This place is really the pits. How can anyone get used to living in such rural areas?

Am just feeling so lazy. Have a couple of quests on Maple that I wanna do... but looking at the number of ppl playing at the same time, itz a real turn off. Asiasoft should really come out with more channels. Itz a pain obtaining quest items with so many players ard. Players who too, are looking for the same items. 100x pig ribbons. Gosh, that'll take forever it seems. I thought I did Don Hwang's quest alredi? Why do I have to do it again? 50 green mushroom tops and 50 huge bubbling. kns. Well at least I wouldn't have problems taking down the monsters at my current lvl as compared to b4. lvl 28 now. Slow I know. Just too bored with the game to chiong level up.

Shady self-destructed @ 15:18

Monday, October 17, 2005

A phone call frm Cindy, Ben's sister, woke me from slumber about an hr ago. Apparently Ben has been telling others that I'm outta a job and asking help frm them. Well, whatever it takes to keep moolah flowing in huh? Sent her my resume and she was chatting with mi earlier regarding my reasons for leaving Matrix. Yeah, it sounds as if she doesn't believe me. That I got terminated due to my marital status. As time progressing, I'm starting to not believe it myself. Perhaps I was simply not hardworking enough. Perhaps I've been doing too much personal stuff during work. Perhaps I make it obvious enough that I was contributing to the company. Ah fuck it. I had a lousy boss, thatz it. Itz pointless allowing my self-esteem to decrease even further. Sooner or later, some other company is gonna hire me. *sigh* The only question is yeah - sooner or later.

I don't need to be reminded that the issue with Matrix is gonna affect my chances of seeking employment in the future. I knew it the minute stupid ex-boss asked me into his office. Am just feeling goddamned sore about it. Haven't had any luck with job searching so far - no answer frm the previous interviews that I've gone to. Maybe I should just try harder. It really sux, being supposed to put in so much effort -.-" Thatz just life. Fucked up to the core. Aarrgghhh I wonder why even MOE is unwilling to consider my application to become a teacher. Itz not what I really wanna do... but beats not getting an opportunity at all.

Am starting to think that, perhaps I do suck.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:04

lol poor OinkyOin has turned into a pile of sand. haha that happened after I managed to find the 2nd hieroglyph fragment. Just thought I should take a screenshot to remember it by, as I doubt it'll be a permanant effect. hahaha ~ pretty cute pile of sand huh? Anyway, just fed a Poogle and am now equipped with a map for door 3. *faints* This is a real troublesome avatar to obtain. Troublesome, but possible. The impossible ones are the high scores for certain games. I was never that good =(

Anyway for those who are interested in getting this avatar as well, do check out:

Blah. My poogle just lost the race. There goes 200np.

At times I wonder why do I still play Neopets. Well... I guess itz just a game with new stuff now and then, so ppl won't get bored. Me a fanatic? Hardly likely. I ain't bothered to even map out the Tomb, unlike some others. lol. I would just walk around, click and click till I get frustrated and do something else, or till I get the fragment I want ^-^ Easy as pie! (easy but kinda annoying at times - but trust me, itz less annoying than the stupid jump quests on Maple!)

Speaking of Maple. Earlier today, me and Locke were gg thru' this list of free mmorpgs and was deciding whether to play something new. Eventually, I convinced him to play Maple as well. lol. I wonder if he has registered by then. Received an MSN message frm him earlier, which is good... means that he's awake now :P But he ain't responding, so I guess he's either watching anime or alredi in Maple. Am in the midst of some archaelogical quest rite now. Collecting fossils frm ax stumps & green mushrooms. lol ~ well, I prefer collecting stuff to jumping, thatz for sure!!~!

Monday. Tomorrow brings yet another new day of unemployment. My reserves should be dry by now... I dread to check my account balance. *sigh* Guess itz time to send out more resumes. I wonder if I should settle for a part-time job instead. It'll leave me more time to do what I want definitely, but I wonder if that would pay the bills. Nxt mth's gonna be worse, since Ben is gg for his jaw surgery. More $ is flying outta the window. Arrghhh that pig spent almost the entire day today sleeping - and is now a grouchy pouchy coz he's wrking on a new DIY cage for Jumper.

Yeah, have decided to seperate Jumper frm the other 2 boys... coz he's showing open wounds alredi. HaiZzz... I never did expect Toot to be that violent. I guess they probably fought over the right to mate with Haze. Hmm... I'll decide their ending. I'll be taking Haze out with Jumper and leave Toot with XiaoHei. Will see how things go then. Am still sore that the goddamned pet store sold me 2 male mice instead of a male and female pair. Ah well... at least there is one less worry about overpopulation. The 6 babies are growing up nice and healthy. Should be soon that they'll open their eyes, since they are reaching the 2 week mark tomorrow. Time flies pretty fast ehx?

Showed Ben a picture of a batch of baby rabbits up for adoption on Singapore Pets Forum, and Ben got tempted. I wonder if he would really adopt another pair -.-" Different colored ones though. Aarrgghhhh I dunno what to do if one day we get flooded by baby animals.

Hmm... am starting to get pretty hungry. I wonder if I should get dinner?

Shady self-destructed @ 01:47

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Temple of 1,000 tombs. Gawd, why must Neopets make an avatar this difficult to get? Am searching for tomb 1 rite now - and I swear I ain't gonna give up till I find this goddamned piece. Got this gut feeling that the avatar is gg to be retired after the Lost Desert plot, so I should really ganbatte. Just wish that it could be easier.

Have yet to name the 6 baby mice... but am getting inspiration now. Will probably name them after Recca's 8 flame dragons [yeah I know, I have only 6 - will leave the last 2 names for the nxt litter]. Am still unable to sex them yet. Funny. Considering that the nipple of the females should be shown by now. I turned all of them over earlier today... but I don't see any. Either they have yet to develop, or the nipples are alredi covered by fur, or all are male -.-"

RYUUDO EN KAHRYU

Resshin - The most powerful of them all. Recca & Kurei's real father, master of the Hokage clan.

Nadare - A female flame master, who is most frequently used by Recca (from what I noticed). The one responsible for fireballs.

Saiha - His speciality is like what his name sounds, a blade of somekind.

Homura - More of a "support" class, a whip that strengthens Recca's physical attacks.

Setsuna - My favorite name/dragon of all. He may seem as evil and vengeful to some, with the power to cast all that set sight upon his eyes into flames.

Madoka - The self-proclaimed Mirror King. Speciality, a force field.

Rui - The riddler... her speciality is illusion.

Koku - Ugh, I don't think I'll ever call any of my mice Koku, considering that he appeared as a dirty old man in the enemy. Powerful he may be... but dirty old man?

Ah well... will have to wait till I manage to differentiate the gender of the mice ehx? Can't possibly put female names to the males :D

Shady self-destructed @ 23:22

I am bored. Yesh I finally managed to patch Maple Story, after downloading the manual one thru' Bit Torrent. But I just don't have the motivation to play. Guess I should starting looking for a new mmorpg to play soon. Maple just ain't addictive anymore. No thanks to the foolish jumping quests and taking forever to level up. *sigh* Wonder what am I gonna do for the rest of the day. 7 more Bleach episodes for me to watch - that ain't gonna last too long. hmm... there's another FFVII anime as well, that supposedly came in a box set with Advent Children. Maybe I'll watch that too. Arrrghhh I am no longer looking forward to the weekend, now that I ain't working. 2 weeks have passed already. Time flies by really quickly when nothing is being done. I wonder what should I have planned for the rest of the week. uber slack off.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:25

Friday, October 14, 2005

Itz been a long day. And yet I find myself unable to enter slumber. Guess there are simply too many things on my mind. What better way to soothe the brain than blogging or perhaps wacking a couple of mushrooms. Am waiting for the Maple Story patcher to download the necessary updates. I wonder what changes are there gonna be this time. For sure, I wouldn't be able to purchase anything frm the cash shop. Can't spend the moolah rite now... considering that expenses are gonna go up sometime soon.

The game session went on fabulous. Gained a level frm the previous sessions, added in our new stats today. Battle of the day? lol, against an Earth Elemental. Gosh... I wonder what the DM must have been thinking. That muthafucker had 152hp and it took alot to take it down -.-" Marcus's character went unconscious, and so did Angel's cheetah. I took 2 hits, and was left with 5 hp. Guess my high AC didn't help much here - since the elemental at a damn high to hit rate. Imagine his damage. 2d10+9. Goodness. Itz lucky that I have 51hp to begin with. If it was any of the other party members, they would have gone down alredi. Ugh. I'm the tank, so it seems. Feels different frm the other campaigns I've been on. Marcus is starting this campaign soon. I should start thinking of a new character concept. Hmm... a bard this time? lol no more foolish characters like a kender mage I am sure ^-^

Anyway, what happened after the gaming session was out frm my nightmares. Ben was involved once again. This time he inititated the divorce. Part of me would definitely be glad if he goes thru' with it. Like I told Sean earlier [thanks again for listening], either part of me is gonna be disappointed of anything happens. So might as well let the best thing for me take place. Perhaps soon I'll be free frm all this shit. No Shivak, the void in my heart hath not been filled... and yes, I may make the same mistakes over and over again. But there is no knowing anything for sure till it's gone to pass, is there? Plus... what doesn't kill me, will simply make me stronger. I believe I'll gain a level after all this is over.

For now... I just hope the godamned patcher will run faster.

Shady self-destructed @ 03:42

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Zzz. What swell luck. Maple Story is down for maintainence till 8pm today. There goes any chance of gaming for me. Hmm... there's a gaming session later. I wonder why does it have to be at Bras Brasah today. 7pm. ERP + parking fees are gonna be high if I appear on time or if I decide to go down earlier. If later... well... simply put, I wouldn't have the chance to get any dinner. Guess I will have to top up the cash card later, whether I like it or not. Anyway I wonder what happened during the previous session :P Hopefully there's gonna be battle later as well... so can gain some exp. Perhaps someday, I'll just create a short story frm the entire campaign. *grinx* That was how Raistlin was born actually, according to the authors. Thru' a character that surfaced during a D&D session. Wonder if I'll have enuff creativity.

Anyway last nite was troublesome. Ben called me from Teck Whye and said that he can't find his bike key. Asked me to go down with a wrench as he suspected he dropped the key into his bike seat. Eventually found it at his home's sofa. Hmm... so what was he doing at home? He said it was to pick up the letters. Yeah rite. Probably went to talk to his parents b4 they left for a short trip to gawd knows where. He's just a huge mamma's boy whether he likes to admit it or not. Verdict? Last nite's "fight" was a lie. Just something to hide the fact that he went back home. Credit given to him to be able to come out with something like that huh? Gah... and he thinks I'll buy it -.-"

Hopefully it'll rain big this Sunday - so I don't have to go to Sentosa. Normally I would welcome the opportunity to sun tan and slack by the beach. But not this Sunday. Why? Simply put. Jacky was the one who jioed Ben down to play beach volleyball. I don't play volleyball, so why the fuck do I wanna go? Plus it'll be with a bunch of undesirable ppl. I am definitely gonna be bored if I go down. Ben's gonna just play with them... and leave mi alone lying on the sand. Also, I wouldn't have the chance to meet any new guys :P Itz gonna be a sucky Sunday if that takes place. *sigh* Too bad gaming session doesn't fall on Sunday this time, or I would have a perfect excuse not to go.

JinPu was chatting to me over Maple Story last nite. He was saying tat he felt like a loser for being unattached. He's my age. Well. I told him, I envy him. I really do. Not only him. I'm envious of all the couples I happen to know. They seem to have perfect relationships with their other half. Mine? lol... mine is a far cry frm being even healthy. Some ppl just have everything, don't they? A home, ample $ to spend, a wonderful r/s and many friends.

Society is never fair, mentioned Malao on his forum. Yeah, it's never.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:20

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Well done. Now he says he won't be home early tonite coz there's gg to be a fight at his work place. Basically he Vs Katak - this guy that has been annoying him for quite awhile. Hmm... just one word to describe this: childish. That is IF he's tellng the truth to begin with - and that he doesn't go out galavanting with his gay friends instead. Fighting being a method to resolve conflict? Hardly likely. Itz just plain foolish to enter a brawl if it's over a mere arguement, no matter how unreasonable the other party may be. Itz just lame, isn't it? bueh song... fight lah. Kaox. The result of it? Dirty clothes, a couple of scrapes here and there... and I end up eating alone again tonite. Gah. I thought humans have evolved beyond that level.

I must have thought wrong.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:03

Bloody hell, everytime I blog about Ben, Ben seems to call me to ruin whatever is left of the day. I wonder what his problem is. He called, asked mi what I was doing - I said I playing game. Then he scolded me for playing games everday. EVERYDAY. nah beh, I only got the Internet back yesterday nite, so what does he mean by EVERYDAY? Plus, what else is there to do at home? Housework? I have alredi done the clothes and vacuumed the floor... am I supposed to be doing houseework the entire day? Is there that much things to do in the 1st place?

Then he asked, why am I not sending out resumes. So am I supposed to do that for the entire day as well? Why can't that wait for later? Then it was, why don't I go out to find food. Coz I am not hungry yet? So what if I am eating maggi mee day in and out? So what if I don't have a job rite now? Itz always the job issue. Pressuring me to find another job, so that I don't live off him. Who is living off who rite now? Gotta make that clear. If not for the additonal mth's pay due to my termination - he wouldn't manage to eat all those food... and he wouldn't manage to pay $400 for the downpayment of the op either! Plus, he wouldn't be able to settle the debt with Zen!! So what's the deal rite now?

------------- posted at 11:03hrs -------------

Itz great to be reconnected with the world :D Internet access is back up and running... and am seeking to download the other episodes of Bleach. Just hate it when am forced to watch/read something halfway. Finished up ellone's SDK within these few dayz as well. Can't wait to continue with the rest of the manga. Things are just starting to become interesting.

my latest project: cross-stitch self designed

I admit. I've slacked off these few dayz. After the interviews I went last week, I never made any futher effort in searching for a job. Perhaps I will send a few resumes later. I never did went for the one day MOS Burger training & I slept thru' the time of an interview yesterday. *sigh* I dunno. Am just feeling demoralised I guess. That outta 20+ applications, I just got less than a handful responses. Plus I am starting to enjoy the slack at home. But this must not continue for long. The extra mth's pay has alredi been spent... purchasing more stuff for the pets, paying off a couple of installments & bills... and on food. Been spending huge amounts on food lately - steaks, buffets... etc. The reason? According to Ben, he'll be gg for an operation to fix his jaw nxt mth and he wouldn't be able to eat. So he wants to eat all he can this mth to make up for all of it. Sounds fair enuff huh? The only complaint is... the $ comes frm the $ that is supposed to last mi thru this mth :o(

I gave up trying to budget the home's finances alredi. Ben doesn't seem to stick to it. So what now? Well... just take a day at a time I guess. A bill at a time, a meal at a time, an installment at a time. Nxt mth's gonna be worse if I remain unemployed. He alredi paid $400 as deposit for the operation. When he actually goes in... itz gonna be more $ spent. Not everything's gonna be deducted frm Medisave. There are still hundreds to be paid in cash.

Arrgghhh this is starting to become chronic worry for me.

All that on top of chronic frustration with Ben spending tons of time with Jacky. Imagine that, he bought a tie & tie pin for Jacky's bday. That came up to $80+. Plus he was so happy when Jacky told him that he liked it. I wonder why I don't get that kinda reaction frm him. All that dedication in searching for the "perfect gift", and that dedication when it comes to wrapping the prezzie. *sigh* Really shows the place I stand in his eyes huh? Ktv was totally fucked up. So many ppl... everyone hogging the controller. Plus some lame number game being played. If that ain't enuff, on the day of our 1yr being together, Ben has to go meet Jacky for coffee. I never fail to regret moving to Jelapang. If we have moved further frm them... I dun think there'll be that frequent coffee sessions.

Yes, Ben & Jacky should be really together. According to Ben, Jacky is getting ROM with his gal soon. I pity the girl. I hope someone would stop her. How I wished that someone had stopped me back then.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:03

Friday, October 07, 2005

"Women who said they bottled up feelings when arguing with their husbands were four times likelier to die early." - 'Lovers's Tiffs Could Be Good for Your Health', RD Sept 2005.

A lifespan cut short seems to be my destiny.

Finally signed up for Singnet broadband last nite, at West Mall. Internet access will be activated 11th Oct. Phew ~ perhaps I don't have to shuttle up and down between 2 place anymore. I can't wait to start downloading the remaining episodes of Bleach.

Went for the MOS Burger interview earlier today and received a call awhile ago, asking me to go for on job training this Monday. I wonder if I should. Would be an experience though... since I've never worked in a fast food restaurant b4. Hmm the only issues holding me back [1] I won't be paid for the entire duration 11-8pm, [2] it's at Parco Bugis - where there's a high probablity tat I would see ppl I don't wish to see. Well I've got the nxt 2 dayz to make up my mind.

Couldn't resist buying a stuffed duckling I saw at Art Friend, Takashimaya earlier. It comes with a bib that allows cross-stitching. Picked up 4 cross-stitch books frm the library as well. Will probably do it as a small project sometime soon. Need a short breather frm the huge piece I've been working on day in and out. Perhaps I should start picking out the pattern now since I've reached my target of getting to lvl 27 on Maple. Am kinda sick of wacking the damned shrooms. Been doing so for the past few dayz. Imagine, itz 0.06% exp per horny mushroom. Wish I could take on stronger enemies but that'll probably involve loads of potting. Ain't too worth it at the end of the day.

Am tired. Maybe I'll take a nap too. Itz been an early day, forcing myself to wake up at 8:45am after a late nite yesterday. I hate it when I don't get enuff sleep. Finally tomorrow I should be able to sleep in. Wouldn't wanna go anywhere.

I dread tomorrow nite though. Jacky's celebrating his bday in advance. Ben is gg. And he intends to pull me along as well. I wonder if I should go. I might rather simply stay home to slack instead, since I don't desire the company of his friends. Ben gave the excuse that his company dinner has been cancelled. Hmm... if wonder if itz coz he simply declined to go, as his "brother" is having a bday. Anything for Jacky, it seems that way.

Anyway Jacky's bday means... I've been with Ben for almost a year now. I can't imagine how quickly time hath passed. It only just seemed a mth or so ago. Am amazed by my tolerance level. I never knew I could come so close to sainthood.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:53

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Argh. PAIN! I just got bitten by one of the black bears. To think... after such a long time, I am still sensitive to hamster bites. They have been in my posession for 10min. One of them still okay, seems docile enuff, and climbs onto my hand. The other one is purely evil - snapping at my thumb the minute it comes near... wonder if it would be tame enough eventually. One mormor in my life time is bad enuff alredi, dun need another crazy hammie. Now... to find appropirate names for them. Fuck manx. How to name them when I dun even know their gender? Gahh... let mi do an online search for names, see what I can come out with. lol... if the search turns out naught, the biting hamster will be called "TEETH". Kaden [fighter] and Kaida [little dragon] sounds good... or maybe Corbette [black raven] and Ciara [black & mysterious]... then again, Artan [little bear] and Avonaco [lean bear] sounds good too. Hahaha see how ~

Shady self-destructed @ 19:02

I'm lagging. No longer can I keep up with the changes of the soceity. I never bothered to update myself with the going-ons of the world, and I never felt the desire to do so. Only one question I have in mind - since when did skate scooters fall under the category of "motorised vehicles"?

Was at Raffles Place earlier. Had to attend an interview. Saw this notice outside the MRT station. "No motorised vehicles allowed". The pictures decipt a motorcycle, a bicycle and a skate scooter. Bicycle, fair enuff. There are motorised bicycles out there. But skate scooter? Either I have really fallen outta the pace of technology but I've always thought that skate scooters are no more than a fad. Something more like a skateboard with a handle. But a motorised vechicle? I have yet to see one on the road. Or anywhere. The ones I've seen, are those operated the same way u do a skateboard. Interesting.

First half of the day was hectic. Had to go down to International Plaza for Interview 1, then to interview 2 in the same building. Both were recruitment agencies. The 2nd one sent me for interview with the actual employer itself - at Raffles Place. Where I saw the weird signboard. The interviews went fine, according to me. Both were for customer service positions. Both aren't paying very well... but acceptable at this point of time. Have another interview lined up tomorrow. I wonder how that will go. Attending interviews is a troublesome thing, but there ain't much of a choice huh?

The slacker part of me wishes to continue this slacking lifestyle - since I am paid for this mth anyway. The rational part wants to find a job ASAP. More $ means more payments being settled, and more spare cash for the tiny luxuries in life [eg. new clothes, hightlighting my hair, pet supplies - if I can afford it, I'll even buy treats & toys for Crazy].

Which reminds me. Have only 1/2 a bag of wood shavings left. Gotta get a larger bag soon, considering that I should be picking up those black bears tonite. Maybe I'll get an extra packet of hamster food when I go down to the pet stores. Still yet to find a suitable cage for them [am intending to get a 2nd hand one either from Yahoo! Auctions or ebay] - will use the reptile tank for the moment. Have extra wheels so keeping those critteres occupied is not a problem. 6 mice babies when I left the house earlier... am already making plans to seperate the gender to prevent overpopulation & extreme inbreeding :o)

Last night's dinner was steak at Jack's Place. Guess Ben just felt guilty in the end. For kicking up such a big fuss and making me lose the mood to eat. Steak was good. I love steak.

I wonder if I'll be able to level up today. Was at 50% last nite when I logged off. More resumes to send later. Such bothersome life.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:05

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Looking foward to something that never takes place. That is a crappy feeling. To think that I had only 1 pkt of instant noodles for lunch today - fully intending to pig out at sakae sushi later. Alas, that will not happen tonite coz some idiot has "last minute ship" that came in... and will be working late. I wonder why does he always have last minute ships coming in. I mean... there are 3 other storemen at his wrk place. Why izzit always him that handles the last min shit? If that ain't bad enuff, picture this. I've parked my bike in the basement carpark. He took my cashcard - saying that he needs to enter ERP blah blah, when he comes meet me for dinner. Now what? I can't leave and can't go anywhere coz I can't get the bike out w/o a cashcard? Perfect. Itz just simply wonderful, isn't it? That such things happen time and again. I dun really feel like asking my parents for another card manx ~ I am alredi guilty having meals over at my parents place. Itz as if I'm living off them. I need to find a job soon.

-------------- above posted 16:47 hrs --------------

Phew ~ 2 responses I had frm the resumes I posted today. Both for customer svc positions thru' different job agencies. The pay ain't delightful but guess it will suffice for now. Interview lined up for tomorrow. The other one, will get back to me after forwarding my resume to the clients. Plus, Evelyn managed to get mi an interview on Fri as well, as an outlet manager for MOS Burger. Heh wonder if I would eventually end up back in the F&B sector.

Anyway I am totally pissed off rite now.

1st, tell me tonite going for buffet. Then call mi say cannot make it. Then another phone call saying that he'll be done by 7pm so can still make it. Now? Estimated that he'll reach my place at 7:45pm. Which means we'll probably reach Sakae at 8pm. The place closes at 9:30pm. Meaning what? Knowing him... he'll definitely take even longer to come over. I dun wanna have dinner in a rush. Thanks to him, I've alredi told my mom not to cook my portion for dinner. Now what? Am gonna end up eating da bao stuff again? Gah!!

I swear, I wish every horny mushroom I kill = Ben.

-------------- above posted 19:26 hrs --------------

I finally told him to FUCK OFF. And u know what? It feels great. It wouldn't have happened if he had just shut the fuck up and come down like he promised. But no. He had to call me and ask if I am riding down to Funan. Stupid question. I do not have a cashcard, I can't leave the carpark. I tried to tell him that and I had to repeat the same bloody line 3 times. Very slowly. Not only did he fail to comprehend, he had to ask mi whether I am riding down... many times. Then eventually said that I can't understand English. I believe I have already answered his question. Then he started to complain that its a fucked up life, that everything is rush. Yes. Itz a fucked up life. Fucked up coz here is someone like him to fuck it all up. After all that, he said he no longer had the mood to eat, and that he'll be coming back just to pass me the cashcard. Wonderful. Great job, fucknut. I can get my own cashcard to get outta the carpark later. I don't need him to come down anymore. Fuck, I don't even wanna go home tonite. Just seeing his fucked up face will simply fuck things up worse.

So Ben, u can FUCK OFF. And never return.

Shady self-destructed @ 19:47

Perfect. I just typed a goddamned long post and Blogger has to screw up when I clicked the "publish post" button. Now the entire chunk of writing is gone. Plus, I was on the topic of human euthanasia & not allowing defected babies to be born into the world. The same way as mice & other rodents canibalise their own children - to allow more resources to go to those who are healthy and have a higher chance of survival. Furthermore, had a comment about HRSS - seems to me as if members "Christian-like", in the way they imposing thoughts on others. Anyway, sterilisation is stupid. Yes, it does reduce the chance of ovarian cancer and whatever crap in a rabbit, hence prolonging itz life, but itz against the law of nature. How would you like to be spayed w/o prior consent? Think about it.

Fuck it. I ain't gonna retype all that shit.

Noot hath given birth yesterday morning, while I was asleep. The litter was larger than I expected. There were 7 live babies yesterday, and 6 when I left the house earlier. Had the "luck" to catch her in the act of devouring one of her own. Kinda gross manx, but guess thatz the way life is. The strong survive. The weak, fuck off. Anyway - tat was what that led to the mention of human euthanasia, and abortion.

As for Ben. A new pattern is emerging. Every weekend, there's gonna be a day that he'll be unable to come home. This weekend's excuse? Company dinner on Sat nite, at boss's house. No partners allowed. Hmm... u think I gonna believe that?

Shady self-destructed @ 13:42

Monday, October 03, 2005

The days of unemployment begins once again.

Itz job-searching and I'm already getting bored of it. Just retyped my resume and am in the process of sending it out thru' various online sources. *sigh* I wonder how long will it take this time, to even get an interview offer. Believe it or not, I sent an application to MOE for a teaching position. I know I am not cut out to be a teacher, and it ain't something that I would really really wanna do - but beggars can't be choosers, can they? I just don't have the luxury to wait around for something really "suitable" to come by. Will grab the 1st offer that comes along. Plan is: every alternate day, come back to my parents' place and send out resumes. For the rest of the time, will just work on the cross-stitch at Jelapang. If there's still no response within 2 weeks, I'll widen my search to part-time and temp positions. A little $ is betta than no $ at all - and I certainly can't depend on someone to support the entire home.

Guess I'm gonna get Internet access real soon. All this shuttling up and down is a pretty waste of time. Would rather do it all at home.

Played a little of Maple earlier, but it didn't go well. Died twice, losing the hard earned experience that I've gotten. Perhaps I'm just outta touch of gaming, reflexes ain't as quick as they used to be. Anyway, am hoping to be able to level up at least once today. Am seriously lagging behind. Everyone else is like in their 2nd job class already and I am still at lvl 25.

Girl with the black bears contacted me earlier this morning. Might be picking them up soon. Wonder what will I name them. Bloody hell. Names. I hate to come out with names - itz starting to become as bad as thinking of a name for my Sims [and as troublesome as naming the chickens in Harvest Moon - ends up... they have names/nicks of ppl I know for real *remember the chicken named jem*?]. Ugh. Plus, I'm expecting a litter from Noot sometime soon. Hmm... if they are exactly 12 surviving babies, I might wanna name them after the 12 signs of the zodia. lol. Then again, I doubt there'll be 12 babies. Would be lucky if 2 survives, considering that Noot is very young & this is her 1st litter. hahah maybe I would end up calling them BB Alpha 01, BB Alpha 02... and the list goes on. Blah ~ hmm come to think of it, only Lucius has the most "human" name of all. Can u imagine naming ur son "Toot" or "Coal"? aahahahaha maybe I should name them after FF characters. Yoz Sephiroth!! hahaaha

Arrgghhh Ben is gg to bring that JRT home frm his parents place soon. Temporarily he says. While construction is gg on at his parents' place. Goddamnit, I hate the loud bark of dogs.

Shady self-destructed @ 18:25

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

+ A r c h i v e s +

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+ S e l f L i n k s +

Cross Stitch Tracker

+ C r e d i t s +

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