Contradictory Ramblings Version 2.0

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

Fade to Black - Metallica

Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life

Friday, September 30, 2005

Wonderful. Guess what? I'm now at Bugis - my parents home. Why? Just got terminated by my boss, with immediate effect. The only consolation is that I received 2 mths pay in advance so I can still survive for another mth jobless. My only hope is that I manage to find a job within this time. If not, I have no idea how am I gonna cope with my current financial situation. *sigh* Itz a shame that I didn't resign before that happened. Now I'm wondering how izzit gonna look on my resume.

The reason he gave? Is that... initially he was looking for a someone single to fill the position. Perfect. Using my marriage as an excuse for termination. His reasons? Coz in a production company, if I ever get pregnant it'll be disruptive to the work schedule as I can't afford to go on maternity leave in the midst of a production. Hogwash ehx?

Job hunting starts nxt Monday. tml, browse thru' papers liaox.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:26

Perfect. I got the habitrail space station hamster cage for 小Pig and 小Duck :D The cage that I've always wanted- coz it looks nice... haha... anyway they were comfortable in it. Didn't take them long to climb all over the bars, explore the 2nd level and run on the wheel. Even saw them drinking frm a water bottle. Phew!!~! Then Ben bought a playpen + tray for the 2 rabbits. lol it was funny as Harry can squeeze thru' the bars. Kaox I never knew he could be that flat if he wanted to. Then Ben had to cover the bars with the wire gauze frm their old handmade cage. Hopefully they would outgrow the bars soon, so can remove the wire.

Managed to contact liting, and according to her, the rabbit was returned to the original owner liao - and she said that itz difficult to keep an ill rabbit. Gahh so much for her lies that the rabbit was one of the litters she had. So she did adopt it frm someone else... then gave him up for adoption again? And she did that w/o realising the condition of the little one? Poor rabbit. I really dun believe that she nvr notice lohx. How not to notice a cripple?!

Noot is getting more and more bloated by the day. Now I'm 95% positive that she's preggy, and my estimate is that she would give birth sometime this weekend. Wait and see wait and see. I wonder how many is her 1st litter.

*grinx* The mini safari at home is a pleasure yet a pain the ass at times... lol. I wish that I could go back to my parents place for the weekend - since Ben isn't gonna be ard anyway. But if I stay over, who is gg to feed the pets? Tsk tsk. I keep asking Ben to refill the rabbit's water bottle b4 he leaves the house, but nooooooo he leaves the bottle empty and I've to do it every morning b4 I go to work -.-" Then this weekend he is totally gonna be not at home. Wtf. Itz becoming a habit manx... every mth 1st weekend he won't be home. Really makes me wonder what the fuck is he up to. As always. He and his mountain of lies.

Tomorrow is International Rabbits Day. HRSS is having an event + adoption drive at the Youth Park. Hopefully manage to jio ppl go down with me. bunbun says she's interested to go down so yeah, would probably go down anyway :D Perhaps I might wanna drop by the new library to check it out b4 meeting her. Had always wanted to go but never had the time... and if time permits I'll go to the bank and open a personal account as well. Plans plans plans... Sunday it'll be gaming session once again!!~! This time itz in the evening. Guess itz gonna be a wonderful weekend ahead. I need a wonderful weekend... lol to make up for all the fucked up ones.

I really need a life.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:50

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Would be gg pet stuff shopping @ Serangoon North again later. Perhaps this time I'll finally get a hamster cage for 小Pig and 小Duck. They've been living in the tank long enuff :D Well to be frank, the tank will have more space to scuttle around, but hamster cage will allow them to climb around... plus there's gonna be a wheel!!~! Finally a wheel for them - wonder if they would know how to use it. Haha ~ but am still contemplating. Should I purchase a cage straight of the stores or should I order it online thru' one of those webshops and have it delivered to my house. *mumbles* Anyway my choice is definite. I would get those with room for expansion. Just in case they breed, the babies grow up and the cage gets too crowded. Can always get another one to "join". Itz a shame that the old cages that I've had have all been thrown away by mom who thought that I'll never keep hamsters again.

I wonder if I should get the pair of black bears that I PMed a Pets Fanatics user about before. Last mth - when I was just starting to get pets back into my life. lol... I guess itz just responsibility since I did tell her that I want the hammies. But if she backs out, I wouldn't mind either since I alredi have so many little ones at home :D Black bears are beautiful though. I've never kept them before. The ones I've kept at my place were campbells and the ones Maurice had were winter whites. Anyway I've alredi SMSed the gal regarding this... see if she would wanna get back to me or not lahx ~ Her hamsters better be in good condition. Think about yesterday nite the incident alredi make mi du lan. Dun want it to happen again.

Now to await the end of the day.

Shady self-destructed @ 18:17

I gave in to temptation yesterday - notified my colleague that I was taking urgent leave, and slept way till noon. The sound of the downpour woke me up though. It was another boring day yesterday. The only comfort was that, I was home. I didn't have to pretend to work. I could just do almost anything I wanted. Itz a shame that I don't have Internet connection - I could have levelled up at least twice with the time I had. Saw an ad on the New Paper. World of Warcraft. Yeah... I'm tempted with that game. But I dun think itz wise for me to p2p considering that I don't have the luxury to game that many hours anymore. Played The Sims 2 and worked on my cross-stitch a little... then evening came. Time flies really quickly when you're doing nothing. Really.

The latest addition of my mini pet safari never came. We went down last nite to collect him. We did. Named him Ballball in the van, but guess it was just not meant to be. Took him home but realised that he was one sick rabbit. He couldn't even walk normally, for heaven's sake. His front legs were extremely weak, he couldn't stand proper and he was doing a swimming motion just to get around. Plus... bunnie seems to hate him. *sigh* Upon closer inspection, we realised that he has open wounds on his leg and that he even seems to bleed from the mouth (the cardboard he bit had blood stains). I would have kept him, if I had enuff $ to spare - coz he is gonna need a visit to the vet for certain. Ben didn't wanna keep him at all. So we took him back. Called the girl, liting, a couple of times b4 she picked up the fone. She said she's gonna bring him to the SPCA. I guess the poor dude's ain't gonna last much longer if that action is really taken - but there's always hope that someone would be kind enough to take him in. It was a difficult decision to make, to return him to liting... but our current financial situation doesn't allow us to give him the best. Yeah we could keep him, feed him and probably keep him alive for a period of time... but that was all we could have done.

liting was a huge liar. Initially she said that Ballball was born that way - and that he was part of a litter that her own rabbits gave birth to. Said he was 4 mths old [yeah rite, as if I would believe that - he is so huge]. Then when we confronted her later, upon returning the rabbit, she said that he was given to her by a friend and that she didn't know about his condition... blah blah. Bunch of hogwash if u ask me. I kinda "tuned out" and refused to listen further. Well I geuss the best I can do now for Ballball is to surf the net and check out the contact of HRSS, then I'll forward the contact to liting. Hopefully Ballball wouldn't have to be put down eventually.

*shrugx* Guess I should just try to get over the guilt.

The night would have ended fine, if I didn't check Ben's handfone. He dared me to do it... and I found this SMS to Jacky last Fri, made at almost 4pm. "k... I m in the billard room". *sigh* Ben lied again. He said that he's gg home to take a nap last Friday... but guess he ended up meeting Jacky, and dunno who else, for billards. Asked Ben about it, and he came up with some bullshit, saying that Jacky had wanted the pool game in his fone, but he couldn't send it... and the "billard room" refers to being in game. Yeah rite. As if anyone would send such a stupid SMS. Besides... itz just a game, not a room. I would not have doubted that badly if it was Yahoo! pool - with different rooms to enter... but not when the excuse is a bloody handfone game! Creative brain Ben has huh? He's just so full of lies. Plus he could argue with me that why would he lie about such a small matter as playing billards is no harm. Yeah yeah... whatever manx. The fact is, he did lie. Itz a shame that I have never been able to catch him red-handed b4. That would be all I need at this point of time.

Especially regarding his amazingly endless hours of overtime. Said to me that this weekend, I'm on my own. Coz he has to do stock take in the store... and he wouldn't be able to come home after that as it would take a long time. All the way frm Fri till Sun. /pif As if an employer would make someone work that way. Besides... his last mth's pay was in. A take home of slightly more than 1.3k. Tell me, is that the pay of someone who works as much overtime as he does? I really don't think so. It just doesn't seem to add up.

I dun wanna think about it - but I am starting to suspect that he is having an affair. Who is blind enuff to be with him, besides me, I have absolutely no idea... but I pity tat gal. I wonder if she knows he's alredi married. If she is, she's just a slut. There seem to be no end to the number of sluts in Singapore huh? When I ever find out... oh... both of them are gg to pay heavily. Ben would probably end up no betta than dead, and the girl.... hahaha... she would wish that she would have never been born.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:27

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

The day is drawing to a close. 1hr 45min more. I think I should be able to survive that. At least I got thru' Monday somehow. Yesterday's gaming session was great! It ain't perfect, due to a little hesitation here and there... plus some difficult situations we got ourselves into... plus there were a couple of inexperienced players... but it was simply wonderful. Am looking forward to the nxt game session, and of coz, the nxt combat. I wonder how much exp have we gained so far considering that we have annhilated a dozen of enemies alredi (^-^) Hopefully DM will throw orcs at us sometime down the road, heh heh I've got a +4 when orcs are involved - racial enemy. wahahahaha ~ die orcs !!~!

Anyway the mood last nite was ruined by Ben, or the night would have been perfect. *sigh* Itz just him huh? Told him I was gaming, and he came down... then he gave mi a super black face after that. Why? Coz I "left him alone" for the entire duration and he got bored. Pls... I did tell him b4 whatz gonna be expected, so is it my fault for that happening? Plus... how about the times when I went for "coffee" with his bunch of friends? Ain't I bored too when all they do is talk about other ppl - ie. mutal friends among them... ppl whom I haven't even seen b4? Then he said that the gaming session dragged on pretty late. It ended at 10:30pm. Not as late as his coffee sessions manx. Needless to say, I got highly irritated. Irritation was added on when I realised that I lost a cashcard that has more than $15 in it (probably the previous time when I went back home, I forgot to remove it after leaving the carpark).

Nevermind about that.

The animal count in my mini safari might increase tomorrow. Ben is interested in adopting another male local rabbit - a brown one. lol yeah mi and my big mouth again. Who simply has to mention that he could have gotten a rabbit for free if he waited, instead of purchasing Harry. His reaction? Get that one as well. Siah lah, I wonder if he's gonna collect rabbits manx. Local rabbits have the breeding ability of up to 12 per litter -.-" I dunno how many are we gonna end up with at the end of the day. Giving them away is just being unfair. Unfair to the other rabbits who are in search for a good home to go to - those will be put down if nothing suitable is found for them. Kinda sad huh? The way ppl treat their pets. Anyway I believe we are gonna keep them all... no matter how many are there gonna be. Perhaps sometime down the road, I might wanna neuter them. So can still keep all of them together instead of seperate enclosures :D

Dun wanna end up like the exact ppl I detest. Though I might give away a couple of the babies I get to friends who really really beg me. hahahahah ~

Anyway, as usual, been reading posts on pet forums and there's another disturbing trend. Ppl giving up their pets for adoption when they have "no time" to take care of them or when their wives get pregnant. *sigh* I mean... shouldn't those ppl have thought of those factors way before they got a pet? A pet is for a lifetime. Dogs and cats can live pretty long... so before a person gets one, they should actually think for the long term? I'm not pulling those who have overseas job opportunities into this category - tat may come unexpected and it would be a shame not to go ahead to do so. But for those who no longer have time, due to starting of NS or starting to work full-time - shame to u. The pregnant ones? Double shame. Animals don't have an effect on pregnancy lah, for gawd's sake. Understand that caring for baby will take up alot of time, I believe the time when baby sleep is more than enuff to attend to the little pets.

Pathetic, isn't it? Just pathetic.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:04

Some People are just plain Retards

[cut & of mIRC chat with ~joeblack@guava.ddns.comp.nus.edu.sg]

TreeSum: Hi there, wanna chat
babydoll: am in the office though, so am gonna chat real slow
TreeSum: Do you have a bf?
babydoll: no
TreeSum: ok. what can i do for ya then?
babydoll: weird question u are asking
babydoll: u PMed me 1st
babydoll: and u're asking what can u do for me?
TreeSum: Do you have a bf?
TreeSum: why are you chatting online? to looking for new pal or just kill time?
babydoll: i answered ur question alredi
babydoll: 2nd question: kill time
TreeSum: Have you ever been on a blind date?
TreeSum: Have you ever been on a blind date?
TreeSum: Why don't u ask my hobbies?
babydoll: blind date.. no.. have u?
babydoll: never knew such things still exist NOW
TreeSum: can i see ur pic, pls...
TreeSum: Why don't u ask my hobbies?
babydoll: dun have a pic
TreeSum: are you sure? i got one. can we exchange pls??
babydoll: yes i am sure
babydoll: i ain't THAT stupid to not notice a pic of myself on my computer
TreeSum: great!
TreeSum: hey take it easy! if you call me that one more time, you are gonna regret it.
babydoll: hmm what did i call u??
TreeSum: what do u wanna say on the fone?
babydoll: i didn't talk to u on the fone
TreeSum: I like it on the phone and maybe meet up for a drink? can i have ur no pls?
babydoll: goodbye
TreeSum: good. care to intro?

I simply refused to type anything else.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:04

Monday, September 26, 2005

Disaster struck. The clothes that I brought home last week frm my company included this red shirt that fades during washing. That I never knew till it was too late. Now all the white clothing that I've put to wash at the same time are pink. Yes, muthafucking pink. That includes my fave white singlet (worse, itz pink with blue stains - apparently the blue came from some other shirt as well). Now I am unsure as to what am I gonna do with those pink clothes. I hate pink. The pj tees are ookie... I sleep, I can't see the color in the dark. But those that I commonly wear out to work? Wonderful. Perhaps they would be relegated to "sleep wear" now. Such a waste of good clothing.

I finally managed to go for a haircut yesterday. Went to a salon in Greenridge. Wasn't as cheap as I expected, but thankfully hairdresser didn't fuck up the cut. Now to find time to bleach hightlight whatever that is left.

Gaming session on Sat was perfect !! Itz been so long since I played D&D and I needed a little time to "refresh" my memory siahx. Character creation took 3hrs, can u imagine that? lol... of coz itz not simply just creating my character :o) There should be another gaming session this evening. Am really looking forward to it. Gaming beats sitting at home and decoposing while waiting for some asshole to finish work.

Ben fucked up again on Sat nite. It was only the in late evening when I finally managed to see him. Tot he would be home after my gaming ended but nooooooo he went to view bike with Zen. Fine nvm, then he had to bring Zen home, despite my countless of explaining to him why I don't like guests at the very last minute. Fine. Went for a stupid but entertaining Jackie Chan movie at Lot1 after that, using the free passes we got with the fridge purchase. Came home after watching 《神话》, and thought that was it. But no!! He received a call frm Jacky and he's outta the house in an instant - to drink coffee at Greenridge. That coffee drinking session took 3hrs and I was left alone, pathetic in a home w/o Internet access. Ben really has a wonderful way of screwing up my life. It always happens this way - just when I think that he's finally changing... and having all those hopes, he fucks up. Again and again and again... if he wants it that way, okay. I'll call him at 6:30pm and tell him about the gaming I have later. He can go spend the night with Jacky for all I care.

Show alot about where his priorities lie.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:57

Friday, September 23, 2005

The number of mice in my mini-safari back home has increased to 7 (^-^) It was simply too tempting to ignore the male & female pair I purchased last nite at Tampines. Collected info frm the forums that pet store at Tampines 201 is carrying mice, so went down to see if they offer solid colors - they seem to be pretty rare in Singapore. And heyz they did !!~! I blame it on my curiosity to mix colors - just look what I've done with "Town of the Forsaken", Sims 2. Besides I've never read about problems with mixing colors in mice, so yeah, I've decided to go ahead with it. I wonder what kinda litters they would produce (or rather... I wonder which mouse is gonna mate with the female).

Anyway, some brief info on the new additions: Jumper, the male is a very pale brownish dude (agouti I think, is the correct name for the color - ?) and Haze, the female is dark brown, almost black. Initially I didn't pick Haze. I picked a jet black mouse but it bit my hand when I tried to determine its gender. yeah itz scared, I know... but too bad. I'd rather get one less aggressive. Anyway, on the trip back, I was contemplating with the idea of keeping them in the same tank with Toot & 小黑 since I estimate them to be about the same age - not much of a difference in size. I would have less doubt if Jumper was a female though... coz I keep reading that itz impossible to introduce a stranger male to more than 1 other males as they will probably bully him... blah blah... but too bad, the pet store didn't have any female mouse of that color so I didn't have a choice, and gotten a male.

Well... so I got home, and began to introduce them. I took Toot on my hand, and then took up Jumper. Initial meeting - on my hands. hahah they were too much in fear of "the giant" to do anything except sniff at each other. With that done, I introduced the other 2, Haze and 小黑, the same way. Same reaction. Then I swapped the pairing with Haze and Toot, then Jumper and 小黑. So far, no problems. I got the spare tank I had and took all 4 of them out together... placed them in together as well. They spent minutes scuttling round the tank... etc. Guess they were too frightened in a new environment to do any fighting as well. Left them in the spare tank while I cleaned up their intended home (Toot & 小黑's tank). When I finished, I realised that Jumper is alredi sleeping beside 小黑. Perfect. They should be fine now. Furnished the new tank with some new toys made outta empty tissue boxes (only retained the wheel), a new water bottle, new layer of bedding... etc. and transferred them all over at once. All was peaceful. So now, who dares say that itz impossible to introduce a stranger male mouse to another pair of males? Hmm I believe there'll be squabbles when they grow up, especially when Haze reaches puberty and goes into heat, but I doubt the squabbles will be serious... since they would have been together for more than 3 mths by then :o)

Boy am I lucky ehx? If not Jumper & Haze will be in the spare tank now.

Oh... I am starting to suspect that Noot is preganant, despite both me & Ben thinking that Noot is way too young to have a litter of her own (she's half Lucius's size for goodness sake). I don't know for sure. Itz just a suspicion. She's just exhbiting traits of nets building lately. Collecting larger pieces of the bedding, and collecting hay... etc. then stuffing them into one place. Simillar to what the female mouse frm my past did when she was expecting a litter. Hmmm... Noot has been with the larger mice for coming to 2 weeks now. If she really is preganant I believe I should see the babies early nxt mth. Hahaha things might happen way before what I expect!!

Home is running outta tanks for the tiny ones manx. Thankfully the end of the mth is just a week away - which means payday!! Aarrrgghhh my blunder to mention to Ben last nite that there is sumone putting up a 4 mth old brown male rabbit for adoption. Now he wants that as well -.-" And thankfully I managed to talk him outta getting syrian hamsters last nite siahx ~ lol credit to Ben, he is helping mi with them - basically the cleaning up part :D Now I just wait for Ben to turn up at my wrkplace, coz he took half dayz leave and I am forcing him to go for lunch with me. Wonder where he'll go after that though.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:20

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Just finished slight packing of the company's wardrobe and decided to make some of the discarded clothes my own *grinx* since I'm running outta t-shirts to sleep in anyway. That'll make a good addition to my "nightwear" drawer ^-^ Only 1 racer back tee is worth wearing outside... looks pretty good actually. Heh of coz I took a couple as rags for my bike. Bike's getting very dirty. Need a good rinse very soon as the white patches are starting to show. Hmm... think I should just spare the time to wash my bike totally... I believe grease is starting to accumulate here and there... arghhhh would take at least half a day including waxing. Whatz holding me back? Uhm... I'm lazy. And it seems to rain so much these days.

Posted on pet forum earlier, asking if there are any stores/breeders in sg that carry solid colored mice. Everywhere I go, the mice I see are white with black or brown patches. Am hoping to infuse some variety into my future brood. Heh i wonder how many generations of mice will there be in my mini-safari eventually. Come to think of it, how many generations of each animal will be around :o)

Read some stuff earlier online, regarding the breeding of pets and I gotta say that I agree that breeding should be discourage if u are intending to give away the litter. One example mentioned is, u have a litter of 7 rabbits... and yes, in the case that u manage to find suitable homes for all 7 of them. So the 7 rabbits go to different homes... which means, the chance for 7 other rabbits in shelters to survive is greatly decrease. With the giving away of thsi 7, another 7 are robbed of the chance to be in a good home. *sigh* Life is just simply harsh, isn't it? On the forum, there's this guy Longwei - a hamster breeder... who breeds hamsters to sell to pet stores. Disgusting behaviour to actually use ur pets as money making objects.

Hmmm I am starting to sound like some self-righteous animal lover. But hell, all these make sense, don't they?

Shady self-destructed @ 17:31

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Humans can be very cheapskate manx... to the extent of "begging" for freebiees that they can easily earn themselves. Just take online gaming as an example - ppl begging for $/items... etc. I've received at least 4 neomails on Neopets begging for Neggs. Itz like hello? If u want them, then earn neopoints and purchase them for urself. Then there are ppl on Maple who jump around asking for mesos. Heyz ~ kill monsters alredi got mesos, so whatz the difficulty in that? Those asses will probably die on RO manx. Kill monster only got drops [at low levels the drops can be real cheap siahx], no zenny (unless u are equipped with a zenny knife like my assassin was on ShazzRO). lol, I ain't super rich in any of those games so I normally will ignore beggers. Helping a lower level character to obtain quest items are okay - I will do so if I am not in a hurry to log off and if I don't need the items myself. Giving ur old weapons/armour to a noob is fine with me as well. Itz those who are blatantly begging that I detest.

Speaking of begging. I've been surfing [and occasionally participating] in local pet forums. Itz annoying how many beggers there are around. For instance, on Singapore Pets Forum, there's this fella going by the nick of Garreth who is asking for a free pup. My instant reaction was - cheapo!!~! If u can't even afford to buy a pup, are u gonna be able to afford the costs of keeping one? I know I know... $ is hard to earn and ppl would prefer to pay the minimum for their posessions. But *ahem* if u want a dog at a lower price (as compared to those pet stores), u can easily consider adopting one from the SPCA or adopting from the local dog shelter. Other members of the forum hath suggested that to Mr. Garreth but he just doesn't want to. As the majority of dogs in the shelter tend to be non-HDB approved and those that are, are older. Hmm... whatz wrong with older dogs anyway?

Beggers aside, the forum tends to be littered with countless of childish ppl, having arguements within posts... etc. Hmm don't get me wrong. Logical exchange of point-of-view is okay. But I just can't stand those who resort to personal attacks w/o just coz the other party doesn't agree with his/her point of view. Thatz just, kiddish, don't u think?

Speaking about pets... Lucius is getting fat. So is Coal & Oynx. XiaoPig & XiaoDuck have grown within these 2 weeks. They are like twice the size since I got them alredi. The other mice and gerbils and the rabbits, don't have any dramatic growth rate. haha :D And Harry is still being a sneaky yet timid little rabbit. Perhaps itz just his personality... heh

Shady self-destructed @ 14:04

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Last Friday, Harry - a white/black 2 mth old male rabbit [bought frm a pet store at Marine Parade] - became the latest addition to the pet safari I have at home. I hope Ben ain't intending on getting anymore of those little ones !!~! Itz alredi taking up alot of time merely feeding them & changing their water bottles in the morning b4 I go to wrk... I can't imagine cleaning the tanks. Huge heavy tanks and that. *sigh* Would have opted for a cage as cages are more easily handled but Ben insisted on tanks. So fine. Let him understand what "amonia" is, when he gets whiff of it frm the mice tank. Repeatedly I told him that the 3 larger mice shouldn't be kept in a fish tank as air circulation ain't too good. The amonia build up is gonna be stunning manx ~ Wait till this weekend, I'll make him feed the mice. Then he'll know what I mean. He being his usual mule headed self & not taking the advice of someone who knows better.

Plus during the weekend... I gradually realised that Xiao Hei is developing a set of "balls" himself. So he ain't female as we initially thought (damn the pet store who doesn't keep track of their mice - as gender can be differentiated very young... b4 the fur grew out... then after the balls grew... the in between stage is quite a "blur" as both gender seem to be simillar)!!~! So hmm which means I have only 1 female mouse who is capable of birthing further litters. haha I must have mentioned b4 - it would be a miracle of AhFat gets pregnant.

Spent alot of moolah on the pets alredi... the wood shaves, food, hay, accessories... etc. I still have my own reserve to last till the end of the mth, so I ain't worried. The only worrying thing is... yes, itz Ben again. He overspent (coz he was the one who said that we each pay for "our own pets" & the rabbits + supplies cost a bomb) and is alredi using the $ meant for household expenses, but using Nets to pay for his petrol. Somehow I knew thatz gonna happen... haix. He just doesn't see the point of each taking $400 for the mth. I gotta find someway to freeze the house funds frm him manx. Just hopefully he wouldn't force me to confiscate his atm & debit cards. Tested & proven, this bugger can't be trusted with $.

Work is still the same as ever. Am waiting for the time to pass so I can head home. Had a caution from Elsies yesterday during lunch - she was saying that boss is a very observant person and that I'd betta not do anything "extra" during office hours. Hmm... I wonder if boss had said anything to her or if anyone blabbed. Office politics is all around. I simply refuse to believe that it ain't existent in this company as well. The only consolation? I won't be here forever.

Another issue has been bothering me lately. Ben has been receiving calls frm his parents alot. Especially his father - asking Ben to be his driver, picking him to and fro frm work. Apparently, according to the both of them, before marriage, Ben used to do that alot... no matter the time. Well I ain't kicking up a big fuss about him being filial. But if I had known sooner that such circumstances exist, I wouldn't have considered Ben as a life partner. Reason? Simple. I don't want in-laws living with me at the end of the day. Looking at how things are progressing... his sister married, his brother a selfish turd... guess who his parents are gonna end up with? *sigh* I don't think I can survive a day with them.

Itz just a difference in lifestyles. I don't hate his parents... but I just barely tolerate them. My own are soft-spoken and generally quiet. His family culture? Even the dinner table sounds like a warzone with all those loud conversations. Apparently Ben's dad will say sumthing against his mom, his mom defends herself... then Ben defends his dad... etc. End up, his mom gotta shut up and bear with it. That shows alot about the role of women in his family huh? I can't imagine facing them day in and out. I know I know, I may be thinking too far... but lately the number of times that Ben has to go be his dad's chauffeur is pissing me off [I mean, fuck lahx ~ dunno how to take public transport izzit? If itz on the way... can... but ask Ben frm home go down Pasir Panjang just to pick u up and send u home is kinda ridiculous] and making this nagging thought in my brain even louder, thatz all. *sigh* If I had known all these... he wouldn't even be on my list. I just wish I had known sooner.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:21

Friday, September 16, 2005

I swear it ain't my attention to blog this much but guess I really do have alot of spare time in the office. There are simply too many thoughts running thru' my mind to comprehend w/o placing them in words. Fine. I have work to do, I admit... and I am just being a procrastinator.

Ben called me earlier saying that last nite, Jasmine told him that bunnie is actually a girl. And he wants to find a companion for her asap coz according to Jasmine, female rabbits tend to be more vicious when they age (can anyone clarify this?) and it might be too late then to find a parnter. Okay, fine, fair enuff. Then he says that he's gonna ask Eric & Jasmine to help us pick out a male rabbit. I was thinking - wtf !!! Not wtf about those 2 coming along, since they do know more than we do... but wtf with the companion being male !!~! Which means there's gonna be yet a another breeding pair in the house. Plus this pair is so much larger in size. I've seen the size of the full growns that Vivian keeps and fuck, they are huge.

I was just sending an email to my mail-pal telling him about my safari and that really got my thoughts up and going again. Just think about the number of pairs I have now that have the potential to breed. 1 hamster pair. 2 mice pair [that is on the thought that AhFat is no longer fertile], 1 gerbil pair and in the near future... 1 rabbit pair. OMFG. Just think of the breeding rate of those mammals.

The following are true stories:

Years ago, when I first started out. 1 pair of mice produced me 3 litters (before I seperated them) in the space of less than half a year. The female, once of age, produces 1 litter/mth. I ended up with 14 mice in total (pls take into consideration that all frm the 1st litter died).

Maurice (my ex-bf) had a pair of hamsters that very quickly became a hoard of hamsters. If I can remember correctly, he had almost 20 at one time. However, I think probably due to the lack of space & the force of nature, there was no overpopulation. The hamsters till give birth, oh yes they do... but the babies don't survive [most likely eaten up by their siblings]. Assuming if all of them did survive and started producing litters of their own, there would be thousands of them today (yes! Itz been 4 years since then).

Just imagine how many babies am I gonna end up with this time... how many cages are there gonna be and how much cleaning I would have to do every week!!!

Shady self-destructed @ 17:40

Itz Friday. Should I be glad or otherwise? Hmm... fuck it, I'll be glad. Considering I can finally sleep in tml morning. Am having major problems waking up for the past few dayz due to the late nites, and the temptation was huge to just snuggle back under the quilt and continue my slumber. At this rate of sleep-riding, think I wouldn't live too long ~

Had some kind of talk again with Ben last nite, and as usual, nothing was concluded. Am simply wasting my time even trying to communicate with mi & trying to make him see how I feel. Ask him last nite, if the r/s means nothing to him - if itz existent, then okay... but if itz gone, itz okay as well. He couldn't even give mi an answer. Plus, his communication skills are totally fucked up. When I was trying to speak to him, his eyes were rooted to the tv and he didn't respond much. Blatant show of lack of respect. Fine. I am making this promise to myself now. That this will be the final time that I will try to sort out our differences. Thinking back now, why the fuck did I even bother? Did I think that he would suddenly change overnite to the sensitive guy I've always wanted? Perhaps it was the alcohol that blurred my senses. But I believe it was me trying to hold on once again. I absolutely hate myself when I do that. Where the hell did my common sense disappear to last nite?

Fine. The relationship is over. Now to legalise the break.

Dinner last nite with boss & colleagues was kinda boring, not to mention awkward. Guess itz coz I don't know everyone that well, hence didn't enjoy myself to the max. The food was good - there was chilli crabs, fish, deer meat, chicken, veg... etc. The only shame is that... I had it with the wrong company. I would have enjoyed that dinner much more of I was with a group of close friends or my family. Heh for sure I would have eaten more than I did last nite !!~!

Went home and Ben was home, fixing up the gerbils in the 3ft tank and relegating bunnie into the DIY wire cage. He did a good job - that I gotta give him credit for. The fucked up thing he did to spark that talk? After I got home... hoping to spend some quality time with him, he left for dinner with his friends and didn't get back till 2hrs+ later. If that ain't bad enuff, he got home with his friends in tow. His friends? Jacky, Eric & Jasmine - the usual few. Heyz ~ just coz Jasmine is content with following her bf all around, doesn't mean that I am! Plus, I've made this clear time and again... that I don't enjoy ppl coming over w/o prior notice and disrupting my peace. If I had know that shit would happen, I would have gone home to Bugis after dinner. And I would have slept there. Gah!! To think I was fully intending to relax in front of the tube, watching Smackdown and having a warm bowl of Campbell's soup. All that was totally ruined. Hence the foul mood.

Should I go to JB with a couple of my colleagues tml? I would definitely go if it was a bunch of friends who asked mi... but after dinner last nite, I am kinda hesitant. I wanna go. Food, shopping... relak. But I am not sure if I wanna go with them. Am afraid that I'm gonna end up real bored. Should I?

Shady self-destructed @ 11:29

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Friendster just undergone a change in interface I see. I wonder if they could do sumthing do deal with the painfully slow loading of webpage instead. At times, when ppl send mi a msg, I tend to ignore [till I am totally bored] coz I simply don't feel like waiting. Anyway ~ itz interesting to know that the island is that goddamned small. Someone u just got to know might be a friend of someone frm ur social circle. Reputation is indeed important, coz looking at this network, news will spread like wildfire. When I feel like it, am gonna do a list "clean up". I don't remember even knowing that many people!! Guess 1/4 of the list is made of up buggers frm the mIRC whom I've chatted with only once... and they added me - probably just to make up the number of their list. Whatever. Loads of deleting to do.

FINALLY. I managed to level up on Maple earlier this morning. New red armour now :D Wish someone would just give mi a hair coupon... coz I dun really wanna pay $5 for it... but anyway, doesn't matter, am wearing headgear most of tha time. Hmm... lvl 25 now, which means gonna go unlock new quests. I just hope there aren't too many of those lame-ass jumping ones.

Hell broke loose last nite. Somehow Lucius managed to squeeze into the partition where XiaoHei & Toot were kept. The end result? Alot of scuttling and scrapes. Thankfully no serious damage was done. Now they are in totally seperate tanks. Hamsters shifted to huge 3ft tanks that Ben brought home frm his parents' place last nite. bunnie in tank as well - thank goodness. I am tired of having my fingers & toes nibbled at and tired of clearing the poop housewide. bunnie seems to be one real crap-machine [like owner like pet].

Got into a shouting match with Ben last nite and a row in front of his parents. I simply can't believe his audacity. He actually shouted at mi in front of his dad. I have my pride. I ain't gonna be someone who just takes all that shit. Naturally I shouted back and well... hell broke loose. Fuck this shit. I'm moving home this weekend. If I gonna live with him much longer, I have no idea how much longer I'll live. Makes sense? Perhaps what someone mentioned to me in the past is true - once u dislike someone, everything he/she does becomes an annoyance. Am feeling that with Ben rite now, and some cooling-off time is definitely needed b4 a catastrophe happens. I am alredi starting to imagine the feel... the back of my hand striking his fucked up face. That would be pleasure.

Am looking forward to the company's dinner tonite - boss giving a treat at a seafood restaurant coz of a staff's last day here. Mmmmm seafood. Itz been ages since I had anything fabulous and I hope itz gonna be a great meal !!~! Plus... I don't have to see Ben that much tonite ^-^ Ain't that perfect? Then again, it might not make much of a difference anyway, as I seriously doubt he's gonna be home before me.

Arrgghhh frankly, the thought of seafood oso makes me mad. Ben's stupid excuse of gg to Pasir Gudang for work. He finally admitted that he had a seafood dinner with his boss/colleagues... supposedly in the container port. How absurd is that? Fuck it. I dun wanna think about him anymore. Itz a waste of my energy.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:30

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

"When introducing the male and female, she should always be put into his cage, and not the other way around - female mice can be very aggressive to males who pester them, and even more so if the female is in her own territory" - mouse@horns

Hmm... oops? hahaha ~ been reading a couple of websites regarding mice, hamsters and gerbils to refresh my fading memory since itz been quite sometime since I kept any pets and came across the above statement. Makes mi wonder though. These websites are set up by breeders namely based on their own experience and stuff that they've read. Does it mean that everything they mention should be followed as a guide or certain variations are allowed? *shrugx* Animals are individuals. So itz impossible to predict a mouse (for example)'s behaviour based on a general observation, is it?

Anyway... I put Lucius into AhFat's territory and everything ended up fine. Like I mentioned b4, there were a couple of brush-offs but nothing serious happens after a few slight skirmishes. Hell... even Noot is living with them now. How did that happened? Yeah I seperated them. Noot with the smaller ones... but somehow she managed to squeeze thru' the partition and got in with the "big mice", and has remained there ever since. Well maybe she does go back to rejoin the younger mice when I ain't home, but she's always with the bigger ones when I look at the tank. Considering her estimated age, it shouldn't be long b4 she and Lucius produce a litter.

Another hour before I can go home to take a look at them. *yawn*

Shady self-destructed @ 17:33

OMFG! I never knew that a gunshot was this loud. Yes. I am ignorant. I never once held a real gun b4 and I was never from NPCC or whatever... that requires me to come into contact with one. Anyway ~ those few gunshots fired earlier in the office [gah! think it was really bad due to being in an enclosed area] were from deactivated weapons - stunt purposes, so yeah, I didn't get mugged either ^-^

Well. Ben got what he wanted. A breeding pair of gerbils, frm the private owner who posted ads over pet forums and even on yahoo! classifieds. I went down with him to collect the gerbils... and it was a slight shock when I entered that guy's home. The hall was filled with tanks and tanks and tanks of gerbils. There are simply gerbils everywhere! He must be obsessed with them somehow, coz I believe there are more than 50 of them. The pair we adopted - both were sleek black [hence named Coal & Oynx]. Anyway ~ Ben wasn't keen in breeding black babies and had to open his mouth and request for other colors. Guess what? There are now 5 gerbils in my home. The black pair and 3 other girls - 1 brown [Blossom] and 2 grey [Bubbles & Buttercup]. Lost precious sleep last nite as was waiting for Ben to "fix up" the gerbils' new cage frm wire mesh and wood. *sigh* I just hope somehow I'll be able to afford a proper cage/tank for them soon. Itz risky keeping them in that makeshift cage coz there is no top... the gerbils may climb all the way out and escape. Once again, stupid Ben refused to head my advice. I wouldn't want Bred's history Part II happening. I forsee alot of cleaning up in the future.

My home is becoming a small pet safari and the numbers will just increase. Now the question is - who will breed 1st? Mice vs hamsters vs gerbils.

I surrender. My bad luck seems to be neverending. Itz 12:49hrs now and most of the colleagues have gone out for lunch, leaving me and an editor behind. I fully intended to level up my character in Maple, but guess what? Server update till 14:00hrs. By then, everyone would be back alredi, and I wouldn't be able to play. Why is my life this fucked up? Itz just about 15% more before I can get up to lvl 25. Everyone else has long left me behind. When such things happen, my hate level for Ben increases (coz it was his reckless spending that left mi too broke for Internet access at home). Amazing that it still can increase, huh?

But yes, the level can still increase and itz doing so every single day. Called him earlier, coz SD has a spare 19" tv that he's willing to gimme... but Ben says he can't confirm he'll be free later coz he might have overtime. So there goes the plan of gg over to his parents' place for dinner and then picking up the 3ft tank for the gerbils as well.

I kinda expected that. Since he was home pretty early the last 2 evenings. His mistress must have been clamouring to meet him. I have a good mind to go out and have an affair of my own. Hmm... perhaps not an affair, but a couple of flings. What tuttle mentioned is pretty true - at least a fling will take the effort to satisfy me. Besides, since men always quote the lack of affection & attention at home from their wives as excuses for infidelity... why can't I do the same? The only difference is the view of society: when men fuck around - they are just being themselves, which is normal... and when women do so, they are being sluts. Much has to be done to change that point of view. Plus I don't see anything wrong with looking elsewhere for stuff that ain't existent in the current r/s. When Ben wants affection, he gets it. When itz my turn to ask for the same, there are millions of excuses on his part.

Not to mention, more attention would be good for me. Yes, I am sucker for attention. Ben was very well aware [he was forewarned by Jovan] of that when he got into this r/s. He promised that he would deliver. But look at the situation now. If marriage/long-term relationship can be viewed as a contract, there would be terms stated in the beginning. If those terms were met... then there is simply no excuse for either party to stray. However, if whatever was promised ain't delivered, then the contract can simply be considered as void - with the deprived party looking elsewhere. Anyway, itz just a thought... ain't too sure if I'm gonna go ahead coz at the end of the day, guys are fuck-ups. As for if I have the capabilities to do so? Defintely.

In response to a question someone [whom I used to view as a friend, and who Ben still regards as one] asked me before: "what makes u think that you deserve better? It takes 2 hands to clap." My answer then was "everyone deserves another person to love and cherish them", but my answer now would be - "no one deserves someone like Ben." *shrugx* If u wanna mention all that I've blogged to Ben, go ahead. It might be better for the both of us down the road. But my suggestion is, this matter is between the 2 of us. You are merely an outsider. I want the r/s to end, but my way, not yours. Oh... and 2-headed snakes aren't exactly looked up to [according to Ben, this particular someone was never supportive of our r/s and has been trying to poison the r/s from the start - basically telling Ben negatives about me & encouraging him to go for a break-up... well too bad it didn't happen at that point of time eh?].

Such is the vileness of human nature.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:14

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Bred is gone :o( I hate Ben for it. I blame myself too. For not being insistent enuff on getting a cage for him. Apparently, Bred ran into the service area of the flat, went into the hole below the washing machine and somehow got himself stuck in the drainage pipe. He drowned. *sigh* I can't believe how heartless Ben can be, when he said that it's probably betta for Bred now that he is gone, coz he only has 3 legs. Besides a missing limb, Bred is a perfect gerbil. To escape frm the box proved that his abilities were not exactly diminished due to his handicap. Too late for regrets now. Things cannot be undone.

Know what? Ben is now interested to purchase/adopt a pair of gerbils - for breeding purposes. Asked mi to comb the Internet for them. I passed him the contact number of a guy who's giving away his 3 mth old gerbils... I wonder if Ben will get any response frm him. The reason y Ben is being obsessed about breeding pets is coz he thinks he can sell them for $. He thinks that if he manages to breed a "weird creature" cross species, he'll be able to sell it for alot of $. Right. He doesn't understand that alot of dedication has to be invested in taking care of the small animals. Ben doesn't even bother to feed them or change their water b4 he leaves for wrk. Guess who has to do it eventually? ME!! He wants he pets but not the responsibility. He wants to make $ outta the pets but doesn't wanna invest $ in their well-being. Cages are expensive. I know. But pets come at a price - an additional financial burden.

I don't deny that I wanted the mice and hamsters. I love animals and I'll be glad if they ever do breed litters of their own. But I intend to keep them, not sell them away to ppl I don't even know. *smacks the monitor in exasperation* Ben's brain is simply too tiny to comprehend ethical issues. Just look at his damned dogs. Untrained. 'nuff said huh? Yeah he does shower bunnie with alot of affection [much more attention than he pays me], but thatz just it. He likes playing with pets but not taking care of them. He just a fuck-up thru' and thru'.

Plus, we are no closer than normal roomates now.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:23

Monday, September 12, 2005

I wanna get home asap to search for Bred, but guess what? Itz a storm out there and I am unable to proceed with my plan. I just wanna get outta here *sigh* Doesn't matter that Ben ain't gonna be home. I just wanna find Bred b4 anything happens to him. Thanks to Ben and his stupid box lahx !!~! Stubborn-assed mule. Told him that gerbils can jump pretty well, he doesn't heed my advice as always. Now there's a life at stake coz of his deafness. I fucking hate him at times like this manx. He even had a sick-pig suggestion - breeding gerbils with mice and hamsters. Pls. u see there size difference? I counter suggested that he goes fuck a bitch and see if the dog produces human-like puppies. Then he just said that I'm being sarcastic. But same logic rite? Come to think of it, I wonder who or what he is fucking these dayz. Just hope he doesn't bring any diseases home, frm those sluts [male or female] out there. Hell... what the fuck do I see in him in the 1st place. I must have either a total loss of sight or serious brain damage the time I agreed to marry him... or even date him in the beginning.

In all kinda aspects, he's a lousy bf and an even lousier husband. He doesn't spend time with me. He sponges off my alredi menial salary. He doesn't come home. He lies, all the time. Only credit that I give to him - he is full of promises. Promises that are wonderful if they come true. Guess I was simply captivated by all that he has promised, and I was hoping to finally settle down. But nooooooo.... it has turned out to be a total nightmare!!! I just wish the nightmare would end soon. I'm alredi doing sumthing about it. Just wish it could be faster coz itz my mental health and youth at stake.

Shady self-destructed @ 19:15

It was a sniffling weekend. My throat still hurts now. I didn't go down to the lawyer on Thurs. Was on the verge of death already -.-" Went home to rest for a bit, and then went down to CCK MRT to pick up a pair of sapphire winter whites :D They have since been named XiaoPig & XiaoDuck. I wonder if they'll be comfortable enuff in their new homes to breed. The person sold me the hammies for $4 each, and according to her, itz one male one female. I hope itz true, coz I never could tell the male and female hamsters apart. I just can't wait to see baby hamsters!!~! Ain't worried about overbreeding. I can always use the seperation method if the babies are too many to handle *grinx* I can always sell them eventually (if I bear to... I still don't trust the majority of pet owners in Singapore).

Anyway... Friday came, I was feeling too bad to go to wrk. Took medical leave for the day. Yeah, another medical leave *sigh* So far, boss hasn't said anything about me taking that many leaves since I joined, but there ain't a choice. Simply did what I had to do. Gahh !!~! Apparently I was "needed" on Fri... and ended up, LiangHui had to take cab over to my place simply to pick up a key for the drawer. Well... my rest was disturbed. But thankfully they didn't ask mi to go down. I would have kicked up a huge fuss if that happened.

Went to the SPCA with Ben on Sat & adopted Lucius [a male, liver patched mouse, 9mths], and Bred [a male, brown gerbile, 1yr]. Adoption fee was $10 each. Gahh... daylight robbery manx. But if I don't take them, high chance that they would be put to sleep eventually so no choice. *mumbles* u should have seen the condition that animals were kept at the SPCA. So much for them being a humane animal shelther. Well... itz betta than nothing, but the small animals were kept in rusty cages stacked on top of each other. Plus, apparently no one bothers to tame them or whatever... and till now, Lucius & Bred are still ultra "unfriendly". Hopefully, thru' handling them every day, they'll tame down somehow. btw... it was only when I got into the cab, that I realised Bred was missing 1 limb!!~! I don't mind that bad, I just hope that Bred will come outta his shell someday and not be so afraid of humans. I suppose, it must have been coz of his missing limb that he was abandoned by his previous owner. Shame to him/her.

Bred has 3 legs but I don't see that stopping him frm doing stuff normal gerbils do!!~! Plus... u should see him run, jump and dig the sides of his box -.-" Aaarggghhh the box was so high and somehow Bred managed to jump outta it. I told Ben repeated times that it was possible, but he simply didn't belive me. Didn't wanna purchase a cage for him at the moment. Guess what? Bred is now scuttling around somewhere in the house. I got up this morning, checked on the rodents b4 I went to work and found Bred missing frm his box. Didn't have time to go thru' the entire house as I was running late. Will do so when I get home. Hopefully he didn't sneak outta the house while Ben was leaving. Stupid Ben. By now he should have known that my words carry truth in them. Dun believe me... see lahx __ . Fucker would prolly leave the finding of Bred to me, and continue doing his "overtime".

As for Lucius, he's now seems happy in the tank with Ah Fat, the super duper old female I have (one of the pair bunnie gave mi for my bday). Yeah I took a risk back there... didn't know if those 2 could get along but somehow they did :o) Fat chance with them breeding though. I'll be surprised if Ah Fat could last more than 2 more mths. Her partner has long crossed the rainbow bridge (about 2 mths ago).

My home is now a mini-pet safari. If u think thatz the end, nah!!~! Sunday. Went down to a couple of pet stores and finally found one selling mice @ Serangoon North Ave 2 [damned store, keeping their animals in terrible conditions]. I picked up a tiny pair - Toot & XiaoHei, plus another slightly larger female Noot. It was $2.50 per mouse. With prices like that, small wonder that the animals in the SPCA don't get adopted. Why pay $10 for an aging untamed mouse when u can purchase a baby at $2.50? My actual intention was to breed Noot with Lucius... but apparently those 2 didn't get along. Lucius, being the naughty boy, bullied Noot so I ended up leaving her with Toot & XiaoHei instead. That brough my mice count to 5.

I wish that was all. But Ben was charmed by a little grey rabbit and bought him/her for $15. Pet store owner claimed that the rabbit was too young for gender to be determined. So Ben just got 1. His actual thought was to get a breeding pair as well. Phew ~ anyway bunnie (as the rabbit was named) was given free rein of the entire hall. Didn't get a cage for it and it somehow manages to jump over all the barriers that we put up. *grinx* Interesting little fella. Now I hope bunnie doesn't crap and pee all over the place.

Hmm with that many pets, I wonder if I should be glad or otherwise. I got what I initially wanted - a breeding pair of mice & hamsters. Then I got many many more. I can predict where all my time is gonna be spent on frm today onwards - the cleaning and the clearing of bedding I have to do. Not to mention, all the funds that gonna be spent on them. Well... I wouldn't give them away of coz... ain't that kinda person. I just hope that Ben could at least offer some help, since some of the pets were adopted at his persistence.

Speaking of Ben. My faith level in him has gone below 0. It was 0 a long time ago, but after last weekend. He's a real fucknut. Said he gg to Pasir Gundang container port with his boss, manager and supervisor for work. Hmm... he claimed that he was at the port working all along. So can someone explain to me, how did he manage to spend more than RM50? On top of that, he claimed that he lent SG$50 to his supervisor for him to purchase stuff. Ookay... u guys went there to work, so where got time for his supervisor to do shopping of any kind? When confronted, Ben's defence was that, there are stores in the container port that allowed his supervisor to buy stuff back to sg. Sounds reasonable... but wait!! They went over in the midst of the nite!!~! Stores open at 3am? Hardly likely huh?

I just wish that he could tell better lies. He's just so full of them. He went into M'sia that night alright. Passport says so. Whether he's there for work or leisure... what do u think? I wouldn't be surprised if he went there to some lup sup bar for women and alcohol [yeah, he's that dirty, I believe]. Plus he came home with an injured back, so I wouldn't be surprised if he went racing as well. What am I gonna do? Arrange another lawyer's session of coz!!~! Since circumstances prevented mi frm going down to the previous legal clinic, am gonna make sure tat I go down for the nxt. Hmmm or do u think I should just hire a lawyer and serve him the divorce papers directly instead of doing so much "waiting"?

Shady self-destructed @ 12:34

Thursday, September 08, 2005

*sniff* my nose is getting frm bad to worse - think I am running a slight temperature as well. Oh how easy would it be to just forget about the legal clinic later and go straight home to bed. I would love to do that - really. Coz the trip down is just gonna take forever and I ain't sure of the way... might end up lost and circling the streets instead. Should I be gg down via AYE or PIE? Either way I gotta refuel my bike 1st and there are petrol stations along both routes. *mumbles* Seriously, the easiest thing to do is just got up PIE, then BKE... then home. But if I don't get it done today... I dunno when am I ever gonna do it. If I don't get rid of the burden in my life, then it'll be more unhappy days to come. Troublesome. Why the hell do I have to feel sick at this point of time? So nearly decided to go see the doc earlier during lunch, but decided to save my MC for another day instead.

Should I go or should I not go? Well... maybe Ben would piss mi off enuff later to drag myself down, whether I feel good enuff to do so or not. I just so wanna sleep now.

Shady self-destructed @ 15:49

Seems like my colleagues have a great time last nite. After Zouk, they even went for KTV!!~! Wonder if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I didn't go. Coz apparently they got home ard 6am -.-" I would have died and taken an MC if I did go along... lol. Amazingly Ben came back for dinner last nite... in fact I bumped into him on the road b4 turning into the carpark. Was down with sneezles last nite. It was crappy, and I concussed slightly past 00:30hrs. Woke up in the midst of the nite due to heavy rain, then it was Ben's alarm clock ringing away as usual. Am still feeling sleepy though, and my nose is annoying me. Guess itz the flu. 2 more days till the weekend. Arrrgghhhhh, was so tempted to take MC today but had to drag myself here, and now I am nodding off in front of the screen once again.

More bullshit frm Ben. Told mi last nite that Friday I would have to go back to my parents place to sleep... coz he won't be ard in the nite. Reason? He has to go Pasir Gudang with his boss, supervisor and another guy... coz there's an important deal there and they need a storeman around in case any items are missing. Hmm... if the item is really missing, I doubt that having a storeman around is gonna help much. 3 probablities really. [1] everything is just an excuse for him to go M'sia with his colleagues/friends for leisure, [2] he volunteered to go to impress his boss, and [3] he really is telling the truth (hah!). Whatever. If I can't find anyone to go out with mi on Friday, then guess I'll just stay home and chiong Maple. Considering how things always go... all those "last minute shit", I daresay Ben wouldn't be ard on Sat as well. Good life huh he? Always got lobang to enjoy.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:19

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

More nagging today, from Boss. -.-" He came into the office a few min after my other colleagues came in. Well... my other colleagues didn't bother to turn on the rest of the lights so boss was commenting that they should. They fiddled with the switches and took a while to do it. Then it becomes MY problem again. Boss said that I should have labelled the switches or something... so ppl wouldn't have to fumble with them. Itz like, eh pls... if that was really that huge a problem, I am sure the previous girl should have labelled it liaox? Anyway, they are hardly in the office, so naturally they would take a while to flip the switches for the right ones mahx. Sickening. Boss is coming in so early these days and staying for almost the entire day. Hopefully it wun rain in the mornings manx. If it does, I doubt I'll make it here b4 him when I take public transport. Then my ears are gonna suffer again.

*yawn* I am just so energy deprived these dayz. Lack of sleeping hours don't use to bother me. Guess itz the r/s that drained me that badly. Look... I used to game till wee hours of the nite and then go to skool the nxt day, work after that [sometimes instead of work it'll be soccer practice] and I still have the energy to go nite cycling. Now (in fact after I got together with Ben)? All I wanna do after wrk today is go home... pack dinner & have it in peace... then watch RAW and snooze. Even on off dayz I dun feel like doing anything too physical. Ask mi go for night cycling now, I'll probably die.

Colleagues mention that they are having this wrap party at Zouk later. Just a small gathering. They only asked mi when I heard about the news. Gah. Anyway I dun expect to be super close with my colleagues... so am not too bothered when they dun jio mi along for "outside activities". Colleagues will remain that way - as colleagues, not friends [I'm okay so as long as they jio mi for lunch break can liaox]. Well... anyway I am slightly tempted to go. In the past, like I was telling SD, I would have jumped @ that opportunity... and went down even when I knew that the crowd's gonna be boring. Midway I would have "switched" to Phuture probably. Then I'll club till the place closes then itz home for Zzz. Now? lol. The temptation to go is there... but the temptation to get some sleeping hours is even greater. Plus the thought of coming to wrk feeling even worse than I am doing now tomorrow morning just sux. I dun think I can cope with anymore late week nights. I am definitely gg home.

Am I getting old?

Hmm... am supposed to have a counsellor meeting this evening but I've decided to give it a pass. Basically I ain't comfortable with talking to a stranger about my own problems... and I doubt itz gonna be much help anyway, since my mind is pretty much made up. He once again came home uber late last nite - approximately 1:30am. *shrugx* Am used to going back to an empty home alredi. The hope that he's gonna cook dinner for mi seems very far away. Initially he did that when we 1st moved in, but I suppose he found it too much of a hassle and is now staying away till late, so he wouldn't need to do it. I think the food in the refrigerator is gonna rot soon. The vegetables are alredi beyond salvage. The seafood will definitely go next. Best is, last nite, he came home and claimed that he showered alredi. I still remember the last time he told mi that there was no bathroom in his new warehouse -.-"

Doesn't matter. Will take things a step at a time. Go for tml's legal clinic 1st, get some advice about divorce then will consider if itz beneficial to carry on, or simply put up with this senseless marriage. Difficult to put up with the marriage w/o throwing real feelings in manx. *sigh* At times I wish I can be as heartless as some ppl... simply turning off their emotion. It would be great if the marriage is simply on paper & that there are no feelings involved - then I can go ahead to date other ppl and carry on with my life, only with an additional asset (the house).

Heh boss is out for a bit. Neopets time !!~!

Shady self-destructed @ 13:34

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Spent some time on Singapore Pets Forum, reading the various threads posted and I can't help feeling kinda pissed with some of the irresponsible ppl in Singapore. There's this poster who goes by the nick of abby93, asking about different hamster breeds. I thought the response to her post was neat enuff but she still got confused. I wonder if she has half a brain or something -.-" Then she mentioned that she used to have a hammie that no one dares to go near (c'mon, it must have been ill treated since birth... coz based on experience, none of my hand tamed hamsters have the tendancy to bite. The only crazy one I had, "mokmok", was found abandoned somewhere) and is intending to breed hamsters in future. gah!!~! I pity the hammies under her care & I really hope she doesn't inter-breed manx!!~!

Anyway, if that ain't appalling enough. There are posts of ppl discussing different types of bedding to use. What the fuck is wrong with those people? They are discussing the usage of cat litter for hamster bedding. Oh mi gosh, don't ppl actually READ UP on animals b4 they decide to keep one as a pet? Cat litter is - cat litter. NOT hamster bedding for gawd's sake!!~! Elements in the cat litter aren't exactly good for the hammie's respository (is it spelt this way?) system. Plus, pine wood shavings aren't perfect for them either, due to the same reasons [despite it being very commonly used in Singapore due to itz low pricing]. Also, there's this idiot that has mice but doesn't know what to feed them with.

*shakes head*

Shady self-destructed @ 11:57

My Maple days from office are over. Hell, I don't even know when will I even get the chance to Maple again. Gaming life has gone downhill since I moved to Jelapang. Judging from the way cash-flow is rite now, I can't afford Internet access this mth either. Whenever I go back to Bugis, my bro would be using his PC, so no Maple for mi there too... as for office, like I mentioned earlier, the days are over. Filming has come to a wrap and now everyone will be in the office everyday - working on their editing. The directors are here, the APs are here... and the usual ppl. Come to think of it, even boss is coming in on a daily basis. *sigh* Which means it's no longer "safe" to play something that requires a long time of alt+tab. The most I can afford are a few clicks on Neopets here and there... not even the flash games. Aarrghhhh, look, itz 10:36am now and boss just came in. With nagging, that the meeting room door must be closed to keep the air-conditioning in. Fuck lahx, so many ppl in the office, why must I be the one responsible for stupid things like this? I hate this job.

There ain't job security in this company either. Mentioned once that one AP got terminated. She would be leaving the company soon. Then apparently, the other AP got terminated as well... but yesterday, he was asked to stay. In which position, I have no idea. Hmm... seems like boss has a bloody fickle mind huh? I wouldn't wanna stay in this company for long!!~! Gawd knows when will it be my turn to receive the termination letter, just coz boss "feels like it". The other time, he said I have to improve on my PR. Fuck lahx, u want mi to actually meet up with those ppl I've been liasing with? Think I'd rather not. I wouldn't wanna give into the temptation of slapping them across their fucked up faces when I actually come face-to-face with them. Pompous toads @ MCS.

Surprisingly, Ben was home waiting for me last nite - and we did go to JB, despite the huge jam at the causeway. Had dinner @ the seaside area and then topped up petrol. Didn't do much besides that. Hmm... the food was good, but unfortunately Ben went to order all those spicy stuff, so I ended up not eating much. Am pretty hungry now actually -.-" Anyway he is starting to get back to his old ways... riding like a maniac. Reaching 200kmph+ on straights and cornering at 160kmph. /me shrugx. Well... it does prove that whenever he has plans (that he dearly wants to carry out), he would amazingly "complete his job" within office hours and carry out the plan. Other "unimportant plans" (aka MINE), will be left ignored and only worked on when he feels like it. Whatever. He say he wants to go down to the SPCA this weekend, and perhaps adopt a pet or 2. Well... we'll see. We'll see. Pound is only open from 10am-4pm. He would definitely not be home early enuff on Sat, and I doubt he can wake up b4 4pm on Sun.

Whatever. I am getting numbed.

Might be meeting up with the AWARE counsellor tomorrow - will decide tml, if I am too sleepy I'll just cancel the meeting and request that I communicate with her via email instead. But I'll be sure to catch enuff sleep on Wed, coz Thurs is the legal clinic and I ain't gonna miss that!!~! *sigh* Itz troublesome that Ben has this amazing ability to piss mi off to a certain extent... till I get the motivation to break this off... then he'll be a "good pig" for awhile, letting that anger of mine fizzle off... only to fuck up again down the road. Am gonna try break outta this viscious circle no matter what. I ain't interested in riding on an emotional roller coaster, much as I enjoy the ones at amusement parks.

Finance was split last nite. We took out the cash - $250 left for each of us for the rest of this mth. Fuck manx, I am poor AGAIN. Hmm... the cashed in the Hong Leong cheque alredi and according to him, returned 1.5k to his mom. I really hope whatever he says is true. There is no official invoice or whatever to support this. Yesh... this is the extent of lack of trust in this relationship. I don't believe the things he say that don't have supporting black-n-white documents anymore. Even his dental fees the previous day was a question mark. $250? Blah blah and he says he has to go for surgery maybe 2 mths down the road... which will mean an additional expenditure. Frankly, his accident happened a long time ago, couldn't he have gone for surgery earlier? Instead of sponging off family finances for personal stuff? Ain't his fault that such a thing happened to him, but "repairs" could have been done years ago.

Annoying life. Annoying hunger pangs. I wonder what time will lunch be today. And I wonder if tonite I'll have a good night's rest or get disturbed by someone coming home in the wee hrs again. It really sux to be me.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:53

Monday, September 05, 2005

Another weekend has passed me by... didn't accomplish much. No movie, coz the entire movie line-up was fucked up. Seriously. Just ask Sean -.-" Who the fuck would pay $9.50 to watch shit like "The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl"? Or the local one... about 3 men. Can't even remember the exact title but I ain't impressed by the cast. Neither do I think Jack Neo is that great a director - his themes tend to be overdone, exaggerated and downright boring. Plus itz supposed to be reflective of the Singaporean society? Hah!!~! Sunday, no tan either. No sun!!~! Woke up to a heavy rain... with the floor wet coz I left the windows in the hall open. *faints* Ben was saying get a haircut that day but noooooooo planning was screwed, his parents came over so no haircut eventually. And today he says he wanna go JB to test out his bike & guts - coz apparently last nite he didn't manage to chase an Aprilla 250 (claimed that he is getting "scared" due to age <-- this one I oso realised... about 120kmph he close throttle liaox). Can lose to Aprilla 250? Oei !!~! If that Fireblade was in my hands... it'll be a different story altogether (yah, with me lying on the floor at the end of it... hah!) Hmm... wait and see lah huh? I bet he'll do overtime and I'll be out for dinner with my friend instead.

Anyway did I ever mention that I took my 1st pillion rider on the outside roads? Yesh !!~! Finally I pillioned someone - outside practicals. :D Feeling pretty smug about it that I managed to carry it out. Okay, so the pillion was Ben. He was just too fucking lazy to ride that nite and I wanted to go down to Jurong Point to check out the pet store.

Am suddenly in the mood to start keeping pets all over again ^-^ Perhaps the nxt time I go over to my parents place I'll bring my one and only mouse left over. Cat can't come, unfortunately. Coz if Cat comes, Ben will argue and bring his stupid dog over. I don't wanna handle one stupid dog who bites ppl, runs around in circles and that ain't even toilet trained -.-" Coz if dog comes over, guess who would be the one who ends up looking after him? At least Cat pees & poops in the right places, plus, she doesn't make that much of a noise. Hmmm she scratches but only certain materials, I came to realise. eg. my blue S&K jeans & my track pants. She doesn't seem to even bother about my boxer shorts and my ahem... exposed skin when I wear them. So yeah, good kitty.

Anyway I still haven't gotten rid of the idea to get a rat. Just checked out SPCA's homepage and there are 2 white rats there up for adoption. However, read in a local pet forum that those 2 aren't exactly tame. Well will perhaps make a trip down on the weekend and see for myself. If they take to me, and I to them... they are as good as mine =) Plus they've got 2 female mice over there as well. Much as I would like to adopt a male & female pair to breed... I think adoption frm the SPCA would be a good idea, coz the SPCA tends to put animals to sleep after some time... due to limited resources or whatever excuse they give lahx !!~! Those in the pet stores will have a higher chance of surviving than those in the SPCA, so I might as well take care of them till they they pass on naturally... then I'll go get the pair I want. I wonder if they neuter the small animals as well. Sounds kinda stupid to perform an operation on animals that small !!~! Understand the decision to neuter larger pets like cats and dogs... but mice and rats? Hmm... but eh, who knows of a pet shop or any pet breeder that carries rats?

I am a wonderful pet owner, that I dare say. Don't believe me? Just ask those ppl who have handled my mice before :P

Shady self-destructed @ 17:09

Friday, September 02, 2005

Gah... what time will boss get the fuck outta here manx? I wanna Maple!!~! Fat hope for the day I guess. Since too many ppl are around. Tried playing a little in the early part of the day, think I managed to gain a measly 10% or something. Aaargghhhhh I can't get used to that pathetic levelling rate!!~! Imagine. I have a huge amount of time at home. If only half of the amount can be dedicated to Mapling, I believe I wouldn't be at this sad-case level now. I've been lvl 24 for a week alredi. Imagine - A WEEK!! Crapz manx... this levelling rate is supposed to be for the higher up levels, after 40... when exp gain is just simply slow. Not at the easy lvl of 25 /sob. Guess I can't do anything rite now, only complain.

Went to Bugis yesterday to meet Meishan for dinner & had quite a chat after that. Shame that I didn't get to play Maple when I was at home. Dumb bro was hogging the PC. And this time I can't say much coz itz his PC. Gotta be fair mahx. Just coz I am hardly home & I don't have the Internet @ Jelapang, doesn't mean that I am automatically entitled to his computer when I go back to my parents place. Ahhhh fuck manx, am so tempted to just cart my PS2 over. Perhaps the nxt time I go down I'll take the PSOne at least.

Throughout the entire time, not once did Ben even bother to call to check up on mi or something. Only 2 probablities. [1] He really trusts me & doesn't wanna interfere with how I spend my time when he is busy at work. [2] He is having fun outside and doesn't give a shit what might happen to me. Even when I called him around 1am, telling him that I forgot to take up my cash card, he just asked mi to go down for it, simply. All that w/o a slight hint of concern. When I SMSed him that I got a nosebleed last nite, he just SMS back and say that he's busy at work. What time did he finally get home? I have no fucking idea of the precise time but I can say itz around 5am (according to him). Now who the fuck works till that kinda hour? Anyway am making a list of his overtime days + hours... I'll see if it tallys with his payslip at the end of the mth siahx. Still dare to come home smelling like a fucking ashtray.

Bloody disturbance siahx. My peaceful dreams were interrupted by his entry into the house. Turning on the lights, not bothering to make an effort to be silent... etc. Thankfully he just rolled over to sleep. I had $ stuff I wanna clear with him, but that can wait I guess. Sleep is simply more important. Mine, that is. In the morning, his fucking alarm went off... and off... and off. I just dun understand. Can't he simply either get up or totally turn off the alarm? I need to sleep even if itz his time for work siahx !!~! Thatz being plain inconsiderate.

Now I have to make whatever is left of my energy last another 2hrs... then it'll be the weekend. Greetingz to yet another boring Sat & Sun.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:26

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Itz gonna be yet another solitary night. Someone has to work overtime again, and he doesn't have the courtesy to tell me till I called him. Plus, according to him, there is "alot of work" to be done & he wouldn't be home till quite late. Based on experience, "quite late" refers to the wee hours of the nite. Considering today is a Thursday, he'd probably go to some club to pick up some dirty lass. Thank gawd there is zero intimacy between us now. He is just so filthy that I dun even wanna touch him anymore. Neither would I want his gangly fingers anywhere on me. Not even on my toenail. Best if he doesn't touch my stuff either. Only gawd knows where those hands have been before. The weird marks on his neck (which he attributed to mosquito bites) are probably the largest hint of all. Now, the thought of even sleeping with him on the same bed really sux. Talk about dirtying the sheets...

Initially the plan was to go back to my parents' home to retrieve the white tiger jigsaw & pick up the movie passes [to be used on the weekend]. Perfect. Now plans are ruined. All the more betta that since there are NO movie passes, we can't afford a movie this weekend. Haha... whatever dude. I am immune to all these shit alredi. I will pick up the movie passes myself ltr, since am meeting Meishan for dinner @ Bugis, and if he doesn't wanna watch a movie this weekend, well, too bad for him !!~! I am watching one come Sat nite, with or without him.

Plan for this Sunday? To go for a swim @ Jurong. He's gonna be "too tired" to go I presume. So I'd betta find alternative plans... hmm come to think of it, itz been some time since I last went swimming so I could go by myself. Look... this is no different with me being single huh? Making my own plans, doing things on my own. Fuck, itz worse now. At least in the past I had the company of friends. Now? hah!

Frankly I dunno why am I still complaining about his attitude since I know that he never gonna change. Ever. I have alredi given up on this doomed marriage so why am I still complaining? Guess a part of me still hopes that there's room for salvation. But itz alright. The more shit he comes out with, the more motivated I am to go ahead with the seperation. *sigh* I just wish that it would not take such a long time. Once he's outta my life... I wouldn't have to be that upset anymore, rite? I wonder if I'm gonna take a long time to get over this. Perhaps it would just simply be a well-deserved relief.

Am now waiting for the clock to reach 1830hrs so I can get outta here. Work done. A rather long time ago, to be precise.

Shady self-destructed @ 18:16

Thursday. Teacher's Day. Fuck that itz a school holiday. Maple is crowded, even in the morning. Filled with stupid ksers and bloody children as usual. Gahh!!~! Thatz the disadvantage when u play something that is FREE. Basically everyone gets to play... and the world is generally filled with idiots who haven't played enough mmorpgs to develop a sense of basic gaming courtesy. I even wonder, how many of them even understand what "ks" is. Children. Pah!!~! The scum of society. Yeah I know I once was a child. But unfortunately, I have been very well brought up, hence didn't manage to taint the alredi blemished world. *shrugx* Just 2 more days I have to pull thru' before itz the weekend again. I wonder how is this weekend gonna be like. More hours of simply rotting @ home I presume.

Am tempted to go clubbing tml. But on 2nd thoughts, I don't think I can afford the $20 cover, drinks and then the cab fare after that. I ain't staying in the town area anymore. Midnite cab fare back to Jelapang is gonna be at least $20+ and getting caught with alcohol in my blood while riding a bike is gonna cost way much more -.-"

Have gotten my pay, but am still gonna be broke after repayment of debts. Had a discussion with Ben last nite regarding $ but as usual, it didn't go very far. He simply insisted on whatever he wants to do... which I foresee, will leave us struggling once again come mid month. Went to Jurong Point last nite - to pay his overdue Courts installment. Ended up buying one whole bunch of snacks as well. Doesn't he see the difference between a "want" and a "need"? Yeah, he could say that itz his money. But bear in mind... after his share is used up, whose money will he be then using? Fucked up. He didn't bank in his entire salary. Kept $350+ cash for gawd knows what - I asked, he said itz to pay Courts. Yeah rite. After all those payments... he has a missing $50+ cash. Probably to top up his own stash I suppose. Or to return anything else that he has borrowed frm whoever. I ain't gonna be inanimate much longer. This time, I'm taking out $ too for my own stash. Sux big time that things have to boil down to this - each one having their own "secret $" hidden away.

No choice. When things gotta be done, they gotta be done. At least for the time being till I manage to save up enuff to open a personal account. Perhaps things would be brighter once that bugger has been served the divorce papers.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:51

.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page

Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.
In Progress

Dark Cloud 2
Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
Kingdom Hearts
Kingdom Hearts II
Wild Arms 3

In Queue

Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
Dark Cloud
Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
Final Fantasy X
Final Fantasy X-2
Final Fantasy XII
Grandia III
Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Persona 3
Rogue Galaxy
Rule of Rose
Shadow Hearts: Covenant
Shadow Hearts: From The New World
Shining Force Neo
Silent Hill 3
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Soul Cradle [Jap]
Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
Suikoden IV
Suikoen V
Tales of the Abyss
Wild Arms Alter Code: F
Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

Ar tonelico II [?]
Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
Digimon World Data Squad
Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Drakengard
Drakengard 2
Dual Hearts
Elvandia Story [?]
Ephemeral Fantasia
Eternal Ring
Evergrace
Forever Kingdom
Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
Growlanser Generations
Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
Jade Cocoon 2
Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
MS Saga: A New Dawn
Musashi Samurai Legend
Odin Sphere
Okage: Shadow King
Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
Radiata Stories
RPG Maker 2 [?]
RPG Maker 3 [?]
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
Shining Force Exa
Shining Wind [?]
Shining Tears
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
Steambot Chronicles
Summoner
Summoner 2
Tales of Destiny [?]
Tales of Destiny II [?]
Tales of Legendia
Tales of Rebirth [?]
Tales of Symphonia [?]
The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
Tsugunai: Atonement
Unlimited Saga
Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
Wild Arms 5 [?]
Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
.hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
.hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
.hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
.hack//Infection Part 1
.hack//Mutation Part 2
.hack//Outbreak Part 3
.hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

Grandia II
Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
Legend of Legia II
Shadow Hearts
Silent Hill 2
Suikoden III

Trash Bin

7 Sins
Urbz: Sims in The City
Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...

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Cross Stitch Tracker

+ C r e d i t s +

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