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Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else


I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free


Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel


Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone


No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try


Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye


Fade to Black - Metallica




Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life


Friday, July 29, 2005


Done it finally. A new outlook for my blog. Spent the past 2hrs-or so tinkering with it. Itz amazing how quickly time passes when you are engrossed in something. Boss came into office during that period of time and I had to take a short break to do some "urgent matters". Doesn't matter. It's a Friday. Am intending to slack off as much as I can. Came into office today and saw a pile of stuff on my desk. Itz okay. I'll do it slowly and complete it by the end of the day somehow. I know I can. Got my 2nd pay slip today. Checked the ATM this morn & yeah the $ is alredi deposited. Just gotta wait another day for the cheque to clear. Too bad I can't do anything with it once itz in my account. Gotta transfer 1k to my parents. *nod nod* Borrowed 1k frm my parents just last nite. To pay a contractor later today. Contractor couldn't wait. Apparently he needed the cash to pay off his own staff. Fair enough. We are supposed to hand over full payment upon completion actually. Now just gotta hope that the loan @ Hong Leong is processed soon enough. At least that'll leave mi some cash to renew my bike insurance & pay the road tax for the nxt anum. Also there are bedsheets, groceries and other stuff yet purchased for the new home.

Money is everything in this world, I've come to realise.

Boss was just commenting, as I typed this, that this mth's electrical bill for the company is very high. He's telling mi to turn off most of the lights when there aren't too many ppl in the office. Which makes the entire place pretty dark. I wonder if my eyes are gonna suffer staring at the bright computer screen. Whatever. I wouldn't stay in this place long enuff to go blind anyway. At least I don't think I will. I would need a higher paying job to pay off all the shit mth in and out. Signed up for SCV Cable TV: basic tier + HBO & Chinese Star Movies. Am still contemplating which Internet plan to sign up for. *sigh* All those means a heavier financial load monthly.

Shifting is a pain the ass too. Found out yesterday that the bed frame doesn't fit the room. Apparently, when Ben called to ask about the measurments of the bed, the salesperson gave him the measurements of the mattres instead. Now the door to our master bedroom can't be closed & some powerpoints can't be accessed. We should be changing it to a sliding door and will ask the electrician to do some rewiring. More expenses. The sofa came in perfect, thankfully. The coffee table? Taken back again by stupid Defu Furniture. I wonder how long will it be before a perfect table gets delivered.

I haven't gotten the time to really assess the family's financial condition but I am gonna do it somehow this weekend. Ben was mentioning, at the last resort, he'll go look for a part-time job in the evenings. Like thatz gonna really help much huh?

Shady self-destructed @ 14:20


Wednesday, July 27, 2005


Itz Wednesday. Mid-week. Finished my work in the office for the day, for now. Hopefully I don't get loaded up with anything else. Am looking forward to my leave tml. Itz gonna be a hectic day with alot of running ard & alot of moving to do, but it'll be a mental break. I just hope no one frm office calls mi with any screw ups. I've told my colleagues not to call mi tml... but I believe they will if boss asks them to. Itz confirmed that Jacky is gonna help with moving of the sofa. Gahh!!~! Guess I have no choice but to put up with a day of looking @ his fucked up face. He'd betta keep his comments to himself coz I ain't in a good mood lately and am likely to blow up. Blow up I did, with Ben earlier on the phone. He gave mi 5 tasks to do during my office hrs, and I just refused to call the supplier to questin about nacho cheese. Fuck the cheese. I'll get it by myself somehow... even if he doesn't wanna make the fone call. Ain't important anyway. I can jolly well live w/o nacho cheese if I want to... not that I am a huge nachos eater. I tend to junk out more on potato chips that seem to be part of my staple diet (breakfast) now.

Gonna go apply for a residental line frm Singapore Telecom tml. Yet another financial burden. Saw the rates & charges, don't seem very cheap but it beats using the handfone for outgoing calls all the time. Anyway itz the one-time activation charges that gonna kill. $31.50 for the line, $12+ for private line & $5+ for caller ID. All these one time charges are exhorbitant manx!!~! If there's time, I'll be gg down to Starhub to request for digital cable & internet access as well. I wonder how much that is gonna cost, and how much that represents every mth. Like I mentioned previously, maintaining a home sure ain't easy. I wonder how my parents did tat, surviving solely on dad's salary as a technical officer back then.

New laws on property? Hmm now bank loans can cover up till 90% of the amount & the downpayment can be paid 1/2 via cash and 1/2 via CPF. Perhaps we should have held on till now huh? At least I would be able to get a walk-in 1st hand flat. Anyway, whatz done is done. *sigh* 35yrs is a fucking long time to pay off my home's mortage. I wonder there are ways to shorten that. Perhaps make a lump sum payment after a couple of years, to shorten the installment period. Coz more installments = more interest = more $ spent. All these interest rates frm banks... etc. is just ridiculous. They're just legalised loan sharks I suppose. Come to think of it, itz ridiculous to pay for stuff for 35 yrs. I don't even know if I'll still be alive then. I'd better buck up at wrk siahx... have a better wrk performance... search for a better job perhaps half a year frm now since there are just so many goddamned payments to make. I dun like the idea of buying stuff on hire purchase but there seems to be not much of a choice... especially if savings ain't sufficient for everything.

Anyway, check out my new avatar on Malao's forum ^-^
Courtesy of DaWuGui
Part of a screenshot that I posted earlier actually. I don't have photoshop at home so I didn't do the editing myself... and I didn't wanna trouble tuttle too much. Anyway... thatz the face I've been carrying ard lately. Kinda appropirate ehx?

Just couldn't resist uploading a picture for the sake of doing so. At least it adds color to my blog. Arrggghhh am simply too lazy to change my blog outlook so am gonna leave it for now. Well I got accepted into Sherider's Chapter on yahoo! Groups. Itz a group for female bikers in Singapore =) Have yet to formally introduce myself but will do it someday. For now... I am just too nua to do anything else. Perhaps I'll log on to Maple awhile later and work on the levelling of my little rogue. Phew somehow manage to reach my levelling target last week. For this week, I ain't gonna set any goals... will chiong as much as I can and yes, I'll work on the cross-stitch of Guan Yin. I've held it for way too long... I dun wanna type any further liaox.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:07


Tuesday, July 26, 2005


*yawn* Whatz new? Falling asleep again. 1518hrs now... 192 min to go before I can officially knock off. I hope it doesn't rain again today. Had to leave my bike here yesterday evening coz the weather wasn't looking very positive when I left the office. Well, cleared most of my stuff for the week, got another batch of car requisitions to settle tml. Will submit my leave form to my boss later. /me keeping fingers crossed. I wonder if that'll be considered as annual leave or unpaid leave, since I am still under probation. Well... boss signed it on the spot (after stuffing more work on my load). Still have no idea if I would be paid for the day or not... but anyway, I do need the break I guess. I just hope that the day wouldn't end up too badly ruined with his friends coming along - no choice, need his friends help with carrying of the sofa. Gahh!!~! I too wish that his friends will have the courtesy to keep their mouths shut and refrain frm commenting about how the house is gonna be like. It ain't their house ultimately. I just dun understand y Ben tends to keep their views in consideration. I'll kill him if his friends come over to bunk every single weekend. Boring bunch of suckers who aren't sensitive enuff to detect the feelings of others (ie. mine) ~ just can't stand it when they think we are obliged to let them stay over on the weekend, since we have 2 spare rooms. Stupid ppl.

Starting part of the moving last nite. My comics, some of my stuffed toys, my action figures, my vcd player and all the stuff bought but left @ my place... all are shifted over. *sigh* I dread the day when I gotta unplug the PC and refix it over there. No Internet access, whatz the point? Will be getting cable but I dunno when is he ever gonna be free to go down to a Starhub outlet to do the signing up. Hopefully by this weekend that part is settled. Itz a miracle that we managed to get thru' almost everything... barely. Now am seriously thinking twice about the divorce... especially if it means that I gonna lose all of this. No time to even think about that rite now though. Still gotta think of how am I gonna raise the $ for my bike insurance and road tax renewal nxt mth. I wonder when are we gonna get response frm Hong Leong oso... been quite a few dayz since the documents were submitted liaox. If that doesn't get thru' then it'll be one big fat headache coming up. Aarrgghhhhh a home is so difficult to maintain.

Been reading thru' some of my friends' blogs earlier. A blog is really one of the best thing ever invented... keeps u in touch with the lives of other ppl in ur life. *grinx* Wat the hell am I talking about? Well... everyone has their own lives... may not have time to meet up now and then to check on them. But with blogs, u'll know what they are going thru', u'll hear about the events that matter that take place in their lives. Staying connected in someway I suppose. Anyway... after reading a few blogs, am considering revamping my blog layout. Just that, I dun really have the time. Too many things to do, too little time to do them.

And my rogue is still at lvl 17 -.-"

Shady self-destructed @ 15:51


Monday, July 25, 2005


The weekend passed so goddamned quickly... and as usual, I didn't get enough rest. Had problems dragging myself up earlier this morning. Last Sat was good. Met up with the "slurp gang" (I dunno when did that name appear, and how... but yeah, it appeared) @ PS to celebrate Malao's bday - had dinner at Swensen's and went to watch "The Island". Am neutral towards the movie though it has an interesting concept and touched on the the ethical issues of human cloning. Hmm, I wonder, is a clone an exact human despite being merely a replica? The movie seems to portray clones as being simillar to normal humans, with be able to feel, think, react like everyone else. One question I would want answered though - how about the soul? The supposed essence of a human. Do clones have souls? Or are they just biological machines with emotions? Tough question for anyone to answer. Coz no one knows exactly what a soul is. Well... anyway after we left PS, went to walk ard in search for a place to slack. Ended up at where Cafe@100 used to be. Itz now Sapphire Coffee Club or something liddat. Frm the looks at how things were last Sat, I'll be surprised if that place lasts more than half a year as well. They sell simply normal prata shop fare... even down to having milo dinosaur. Gahh!!~! Anyway am glad that Cafe@100 is no longer, silly place ^-^

Sat. Ben reached home earlier than me. After wrk, he supposedly went down to Jelapang to clean up parts of the new house & install some new stuff. Well... where he went after that I have no idea, but am 100% positive that he lied again. I am starting to get numb of all his lies. My parents told mi he came home at 2320 hrs... my dad even SMSed mi the time he got back. When I reached home, Ben was asleep but I asked him the nxt morning... he claimed that he got back around "9 plus". yeah bullshit. Where did the missing 2hrs fly to then? Peeped at his handfone and there were hints that he asked Jacky out (but jacky was too busy with viewing) and he did call up Weixiong as well. I don't believe he didn't go out at all. I just hate it when he doesn't tell the truth. What is there to lie about in this? Dirty liar.

Sunday was a day of spending alot of $... went to shop for household acessories at Robinsons, Takashimaya and Ikea. Blew a total of $500+... now I wonder how are we gonna raise the $ for the furniture that is coming this Thurs. I am hoping to be able to apply for leave though... so I can be down at the house when the gasman comes and when the furniture comes. The only fucked up thing is that, Ben is gonna ask friends along too... I dunno who is he gonna ask, but I know I wouldn't wanna see them. Well if I can manage to get my stuff moved in these few dayz, then perhaps I'll go to wrk on Thurs instead. Wouldn't wanna waste my leave to see his friends. Would rather spend my leave on more constructive purposes (eg. alot of sleep & gaming). Official move-in date would be this Sat I think. Arrgghhh I really dread living there, though I think itz gonna be a beautiful place. Itz the location that I dislike.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:46


Friday, July 22, 2005


Itz finally Friday. Should I be thankful for that? Well anyway I spent quite awhile on Maple earlier, during working hours (hope I dun get sacked for this), managed to get myself to lvl 16 with some help frm chapter1 and d3m0nIc. Tried wacking a few bubblings earlier and had to run like mad -.-" Tried wacking pigs as well but failed miserably. Guess am too impatient. Perhaps I should change my weaps before anything else. *sigh* I still do miss Ragnarok Online. Everything in Maple reminds mi of RO.

Heh thatz how I look rite now -->

The new national library just opposite mi house opens today. I wonder if I should drop by after wrk or wait till the hype dies down b4 gg on a weekday. Itz Malao's bday tml. I'll be going out with the bunch for "The Island" ^-^ I wonder what is Ben gg to do. He promised that he'll pick mi up after the movie but why am I not counting on that? I think he's either gg to be asleep by then or he went to meet up with dumb Jacky & Eric. Zzz. F**k it. I dun wanna care anymore. And no way is he gonna drag mi to go out with those losers again (and ruin my entire weekend), at expense of my own enjoyment. I wonder why he sticks by those friends even though they proved to be "unworthy" the other time during flat painting. What kinda friend agrees when u ask them for help and becomes uncontactable at the precise moment? /me mumbles

I've managed to exchange my ERS for cash and probably this will last till the end of the mth. Am just hoping that Ben will control his spending a little, for now... and not use the $. Am damn afraid that he'll use the $ to go out with his friends once he sees it. He always does & I'm not counting on him to be responsible for once. His solution to handle our outstanding renovation & furniture payments - to obtain a loan frm Hong Leong. Yes. Yet another loan. *sigh* Much as I am unwilling to do that, I guess thatz the only way out. I hope thatz the last loan we are ever gonna get. Itz murder, to use such a high portion of our salary for loan repayment mthly. Just last weekend, Ben oso mentioned that he wants to upgrade to a Class 2 bike nxt year. Why can't he fucking think? He tells mi that he wants to get a car too. How is it possible for us to support that many stuff when our salary is so pathetic? I really hate him at times manx.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:53


Thursday, July 21, 2005



Me, Malao & NPC @ Lilith Harbour

Just a screenshot taken when I was still a beginner on Maple - lvl 9 to be exact, went to meet monkey @ Lilith Harbour to collect my old items back. Took a screenie for the fun of it and here it is!!~! My rogue looks stupid now so ain't gonna take a screenie till I reach lvl 15.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:08


Wednesday, July 20, 2005


Itz Wednesday - midweek. Ben is wrking overtime again tonite... which means, I'll have hours of gaming lined up in front of me /gg I wonder how am I gonna divide those hours - Fairyland or Maple? Characters in both games need training. Finally became a rogue last nite on Maple, with help frm Malao & chapter1 ^-^ Decked myself in new armour and am now wrking towards the goal of lvl 15... so I can put on the armour my previous rogue had. Will give myself till the end of the week to attain that. I wonder how "far" the others are gonna be. At the rate I'm playing, our lvl difference is gonna be very apparent in a mth. Heh am kinda surprised that I'm still playing it till now. So far nothing hath been done with Triple Moons on FL yet. Lvl 5 now. Should push my character to be an official diviner soon... do a few more quests. Hmm... ookie I've decided. 2hrs for levelling on FL, then 2hrs for levelling on Maple (while my FL character polishes up her work skills). Arrrghhhhh that'll leave mi with no time to do my cross-stitching!~! and that will take mi till midnite, after RAW. No no... *sigh* nvm, fuck all those plans. Will do what I feel like doing when I get home. As for Ben? Just hopefully he doesn't come back too late again, irks mi to hell when he does. "very late" he says. yeah yeah... every Wed itz "very late". I wonder what he does on Wednesdayz.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:36


Defu Furniture Pte Ltd - the photographs

To amend what I've mentioned the previous day, itz actually Defu Furniture Pte Ltd, and not Defu Furniture Mall. Their showroom location is No. 15 Defu Lane 1. Not to mention, itz highly inacessible unless u have your own transport. The time & effort needed to get there is definitely not worth the bother. Just take a look at the pictures I'm gonna attach to this entry. Gah!!~! Had to waste time & energy to go down to Jelapang last nite for those photographs... who is gonna reimburse us on all these? Not to mention, the petrol spent?! These furniture is actually costing us way more than we initially expected... plus all those lost time that could be more constructively spent elsewhere.

(photograph 1: 2 chairs placed side by side. 3 of the chairs frm the dining set resemble the one on the right, 1 odd one on the left. Ain't the difference visible enuff? Look at the legs!!~!)

Hmm... photograph 2 [below] didn't turn out very well on camera due to the flash and lighting but to the naked eye, it'll be obvious at the 1st look. I believe this damage came during the delivery process. Tell mi, even if itz a showroom piece, wouldn't anyone have noticed if there was such a dent when it was in the showroom? When told that thatz the final piece, everyone in their right mind would check the furniture for faults... they would be especially meticulous when it comes to that. So saying that itz a "showroom piece", they don't cover damages during delivery? Thatz just plain unreasonable, isn't it? What if the glass was badly scratched during the delivery and the boss claims that itz that way during display? Wouldn't that be simply ridiculous?

(photograph 2: Ben pointing to the damaged table leg)

I took at look at the invoice as well. Delivery date said 30 June 2005. Itz now 20 July 2005 and I still see no coffee table in my flat. Doesn't it simply highlight their inefficiency? I've thought about what the rude boss mentioned - that we can't prove the furniture was not defected when it was out in the showroom. Fine. Itz his word against ours then. Likewise, he couldn't prove that the item was undamaged when it left the showroom anyway!!~! Besides... I believe, the item will be in the showroom for quite sometime till itz delivered to us. So are we supposed to bear any possible damaged caused during that time? The damned boss should get a more customer-oriented mindset. Even a saint would get pissed off if the saint paid for stuff that gets delievered no up to expectations. He should try to pacify the customer by working out options that benfits both parties instead of showing us attitude. Balls to him.

PS. Yeah I know the alignment of this post ain't perfect. But I simply can't be bothered to align it properly. Perhaps nxt time I'll do it in pure html instead.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:24


Tuesday, July 19, 2005


Defu Furniture Mall - you should NOT get ur furniture there

Yes. I am pissed. No I am not making a big fuss over matters. I used to work in the customer service industry... and I am very particular about the service I receive when I am the consumer. The sales person who served mi & Ben when we went down the 1st time was friendly & helpful enough. Had no problems with that. Delivery came on time... but the goods were defective. Granted that the dining set we took were the display set (the salesman made it very clear to us) but there is no reason for one of the table legs to be dented!!~! Itz so obvious that anyone can see it standing beside the table, so I believe there is no way we could have missed it when we made the purchase. The delivery guys were fucked. w/o waiting for us to check the items, they just left... it was only after they left that we realised they took 1 chair back. They never did inform us about the decision and never gave an explanation afterwards. Nevermind. Small case. We unwrapped the coffee table and realised that the piece of furniture is damaged as well!!~! There was a tiny hole in the glass and parts of the metal were rusty. Hence, we called the furniture mall, requesting a change - heyz it might be a small hole, but I wonder which consumer is willing to accept such goods. We paid $ for it alrite!!~! They said okay okay, they'll replace the table for us... when the delivery guys came the nxt week.

Next week came. Delivery came. Once again, the guys didn't wait for us to check the purchases. They delivered the 4th chair and took back the coffee table. We asked when will we get the table, they said no idea coz itz currently out of stock -.-" Perfect, isn't it? And they also told us that, there will be no refund if we choose not to accept the table. After checking, we also reaslied that the 4th chair delivered was different frm the previous 3. After sales service really sucked big time. We kept calling and different ppl kept telling us different things... customer service promised to get back to us, but noooooo we end up the ones being so pissed off frm waiting till we called. Till Ben finally spoke to Boss Jr. yesterday. According to boss jr, if we are really disatisfied with the purchase of the dining set, we can exchange it for another piece of furniture frm the mall - either we top up the difference or they refund us the difference. He also stated that we should get our coffee table by this weekend.

Hence, we went down to the mall last nite, to see if there are any other dining tables. And got into an arguement with the boss. The boss's attitude was totally fucked up. He kept saying that it was our fault, and that we had no proof the dining set was not damaged when it was in the showroom (may I know, who the fuck displays damaged furniture?). Then he said he would not change it for us, but he'll just replace the chairs. He was rude. Very rude. When I asked him politely, if he can give us a rough estimate of when the chairs will get back to us. He pretended not to understand English, and asked mi if I was Chinese. It was at that point when I totally lost my temper. That kinda attitude is really pathetic. Whatz his problem with English speaking customers? Is he implying that Indians and Chinese, and those non-Mandarin speaking ppl will get no service at the mall? Fine. Then let mi spread the word. If u can't speak mandarin, don't go there. And if u are the kind who doesn't have much time to spare, and want to move into ur new home with perfect furniture... don't go there. Boss Jr. was fine. He spoke to mi nicely after that... and ignored his dad. But his dad's business sense is zero. I ain't gonna let this matter rest just so simply. mi & Ben have plans... to be revealed at a later date.

For now, this is just a caution to everyone who is captivated by Defu Furniture's TVC of a sale. Please don't go there. I don't think anyone would mind paying slightly more for good service and perfect-condition goods. Whether u wanna believe this story of mine, itz totally up to u... but don't ever let mi have the chance to say "I told you so..." when u start to complain about this damned furniture company as well.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:53


Monday, July 18, 2005


"BLOGGERS beware: You, too, can be sued for what you write." - I just happened to surf the Electronic New Paper (initially I wanted to read about the girl who was slapped, whipped & stripped while birthday songs were sang to drown her screams) and this is what I read. Interesting. What next? Even what we write on blogs can be held against us now? And I thought blogs were supposed to be online diaries in a way... kinda open diary about thoughts, comments, feelings... etc. Hmm... so apparently bloggers are supposed to censor their thoughts? Doesn't sound too logical huh? Anyway, doesn't matter. Dun wanna spent too much braincells thinking about that - neither am I gonna contest against it or watever. I shall just continue doing things my own way. Come to think of it... if thatz the case, then reproduction of my blog in any way can be considered as plagarism. No? /me shrugx. Whatever. There's nothing I can do to change anything anyway. Might as well focus all my remaining energies (those that aren't sapped up by Ben) elsewhere.

Itz Monday. I am tired. Whatz new? Nothing. My apprentice diviner on FL is now a a pathetic lvl 4. Had some decent work skills polished while I was mapling. Speaking of Maple, recreated my rogue, and she's now standing @ lvl 8. *sigh* Back to the newbie phase again... but at least this time I've gotten myself perfect stats. Str 4 and Int 4. Not that I'm gonna play till lvl 99 when it really matters... but, since the fame was ruined, and I wasn't too happy with the stats, might as well start again frm scratch. Not totally frm scratch though. I have 14+k with Malao, my 52 green mushroom caps, full set of lvl 15 armour and weapons... and other misc stuff. That'll make my current rogue richer than she should be. I ain't complaining though!!~! Haha, I just wonder when will I be free to take the items frm Malao. When will I even get outta Maple Town is another good question. Don't intend to leave till I'm lvl 10 - though itz possible to do so even now. And thankfully last nite I saw ellone & bunnie online :P Took the 10 orange mushroom caps frm them for a noob quest ^-^ I can't imagine how much longer I gotta play if I have to hunt for those caps myself. Can't wait to get home to game again. My goal for today, get my diviner on FL till lvl 5 and get my character on Maple to a lvl 10. Considering that Ben is always doing overtime, he'll be wrking again tonite & I'll have all the time to myself (he just likes to irritate me when I game... during his commercial breaks).

I brought up the idea of a divorce to Ben yesterday. After a horrible weekend. His friendz came Sat nite, and I was neglected frm then onwards... all the way till they left Sun noon. Perfect. I got so sick and tired of it and was on the verge of walking out of the new flat. The only thing that kept mi back? The thought of the looooooong LRT + MRT ride back home. Initially intended to go down to ellone's place to play Maple on Sat nite, but was too exhausted to do so when they finished off at PS. Shame that I didn't go along. Wanted to watch Sin City badly. Anyway, when I mentioned the thought to him, he just simply said "go ahead"... since, according to him, I make all the decisions anyway. Fine then. If I mean so little to him. I believe I'll be much more relieved when all this comes to a close. Paid Tay another 2k yesterday as well - this leaves mi broke for the rest of this mth. And itz only the 18th now. Ben's handfone bill came up to almost $150, no thanx to his surfing & downloads. My handfone bill is coming soon. I wonder how are we gonna settle the bills, pay off the furniture and still manage to eat for the rest of this mth. After my polytechnic repayment is deducted, I'll have less than $100 left. *sigh* I keep thinking of ways to get more $... at least to tide over this period, but my brain drans dry. Perhaps I'll need a part-time job after all.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:27


Saturday, July 16, 2005


Pooh... itz gonna be a busy day on Monday @ work. Just found out that I was supposed to clear the artiste cheques with lady boss instead of just filing them up. It took mi hmmm 1 mth to know? lol shows alot on the "guidance" of the boss ehx? Am still unsure how to do most things in the company but I just hope to pick them up on the way... how to learn when I ain't taught? As to if I am still gonna change job. Yes. But I wouldn't quit b4 I find something else betta. The working hours are good though, and there's Internet access, so logically I shouldn't quit huh? Plus I can wear almost anything I want to the office. Itz just the pressure and the last min thingy... and the "additional" work that I'm sore about. Hmmm a pay rise might make mi stay. But for that, I gotta prove my worth. *sigh* It a neverending circle. Low pay -> no motivation to work hard -> average work performance -> no increment -> low pay -> no motivation to work hard... blah blah, you get the idea -.-" If it was the past, I would have quit alredi I think. Gotta keep reminding myself, I'm with financial commitments now, I can't afford to lose a job now!!~! Betta hang in there somehow... even if it kills mi mentally. Anyway, thatz life I suppose. Thatz society. Itz difficult to get a job that statisfies someone 100%. I guess thatz coz why work is... work. If only I can get a job that requires mi to game... lol wishful thinking.

Speaking of gaming. Progress is great so far!!~! I got myself up to lvl 16 on Maple, bought some new weapons and armour... and am trying hard to ignore my screwed up stats. lolx. Wasted skill pts on str & int. But I suppose it'll all pay off at the end. Int = more mp, so more chances to use skills? Ah well... I doubt I'm gonna play that far till it matters eventually. A str bandit would do well too, but am still wavering. Well, will just take things a step at a time I guess. 1st, to complete the quest I have rite now - 50 green mushroom (bad mushroom, according to monkey boy) caps & 30 (?) huge bubbles. Blah... I can't seem to ignore the fact this game is really a rip off frm Ragnarok Online. Just look at the damned slime!!~! Green. With that face. Doesn't it look like a Poporing?! Anyway, a new world just opened up on Maple, created a character there as well, gonna be a Knight ^-^ As for Fairyland, I finally managed to get the game installed and working last nite. Created my character many times and eventually got the pet I wanted this morning. Phew ~ gaming dayz are here to stay!!~!

Shady self-destructed @ 09:15


Wednesday, July 13, 2005


Itz 8:26am and I am pissed off. It is a terrible gaming day... I hope the rest of the day ain't gonna screw up. Woke up and realised that my Microsoft Antispyware detected Cydoor on my home pc and disconnected my Fairyland download in the process. Itz been 2 dayz since I've been trying to install the game and till now, I haven't even managed to download a non-corrupted file!!~! Fine. I had to come to office today at 7:30am... brought the Maple Story installer along, hoping to perhaps game here. Had a few stumbles on the way but eventually managed to install the game. I thought, hey, finally I'll be able to level up... but noooooooo when I tried to run the game, error msg came up on my monitor, asking mi to lower the resolution or "see monitor user guide". What the hell is that supposed to mean? I lowered the resolution, no change. Monitor user guide? I for sure don't have it. Anyway, to summarize - I am unable to play. Fine. So what am I supposed to do now? Am waiting for Ben to call mi... but he didn't and I assume he forgotten (I don't expect anything betta frm him actually - his excuse when I called him? He reached the office and went directly to crap. Fine.) I wanted to maple last nite, but didn't have the time. Why? Coz I gotta wake up goddamned fucking early this morning and come to work!!~! And they aren't even paying mi for the extra time!!~!

If that ain't enuff... I came slightly late, around 7:45am, to be frank. And I found that the office is alredi open, there are ppl taking stuff... etc. So apparently, someone in the camera crew has they key. Which brings mi to the question - if they have they key... why the hell do they need mi to come down at this godforsaken hour?! They can jolly well open the office door, get their equipment and then lock up after. Then I can come at my usual hour. I know... this is the normal time that alot of ppl start work... but heyz, those ppl get off wrk earlier then I do. I am only paid to wrk 1000 - 1830 hrs and I hate putting in extra time when there is no overtime pay!!~! This is simply ridiculous, that the company is misuing our time. I ain't even doing anything rite now, except blogging and I'll give neopets world challenge a shot later. I would rather be sleeping, or Mapling or on Fairyland. Anywhere but in this office. Imagine I gonna be here till 1830. Thatz really sick... hopefully boss leaves early today so I can excuse myself early as well. The thought that I gotta go down Mediacorp tml b4 wrk is alredi a drag.

Yesterday with Ben was... the same. Initially he said he would come pick mi up after wrk... he took my helmet in the morning. But then, it rained. Tofu didn't wanna leave the office. Okay, so I went home. Called him and asked if he coming back early so we can go for dinner together. He said yes. He reached home at almost 9pm. His excuse? Trailer overturned @ the AYE, blocking up the entire road, bringing traffic to a standstill. Okay... accidents do happen, but I'd betta not find out that itz a lie... and that he went to fetch someone else home instead. Anyway he made it up by bringing mi down to Suntec for a good steamboat dinner. Both of us ate so much that it hurts just to walk later. But the food was good, the soup was good. Had a good time pigging out. lol. Went home, vegged in front of the tele for a bit then itz bedtime alredi. *sigh* Time passes so fast when u ain't at work. Was hoping to Maple with Malao though -.-" He was in game yesterday... caught him for a while and saw taurusgal too ^-^ Well... there are always other days. I just hope that today, when I go home, Fairyland can be played. If not, I just gotta pray that Locke will send mi the installer and that will work. So much pains just to play a game huh? Too many games... too little time.

Shady self-destructed @ 08:49


Tuesday, July 12, 2005


Itz the start of yet another sleepy day... my eyelids are like drooping and I am nodding off to sleep. As expected, balancing the home accounts last nite was a pain. I just decided to close 1 eye to some matters alredi. Minor cash differences I dun wanna rack my brains trying to figure out... since itz alredi apparent that someone is spending $ on things that I dunno about, gg to places that I am not told. Forgeddit. Surprisingly he came home early enuff (overtime finished quickly last nite - just enough time for him to send someone home, and come home to my place) to discuss about matters last nite. We have decided, to hold the joint accounts till we pay off both contractors... only then we will do the split. Hopefully I can hold on till then. Tuttle told mi yesterday, the post he was telling mi about hath been filled. nvm. I am really tempted to just quit on the spot now. Came into the office this morn and there was yet another last minute matter for me to settle - now I can't do much but just wait for the sponsor to get back to me. I've to go look for a van for tml as well *sigh* Tml is gonna be much worse. I gotta come down to the office at 0730hrs to open the door for camera crew again!!~! Trust me, after they are doing taking their stuff I'm gonna have a nice good nap. Too bad I don't have games installed into this PC or I'll be levelling my Maple thief here.

Locke tempted mi into playing Fairyland again. I tried downloading the client last nite - left the PC on till this morn but the file was corrupted. Apparently it was cut off halfway. Before I left home, I set download again. Hopefully when I get home, things will be okay. I don't like downloading for hours only to get a corrupted file. I am looking forward to playing it again - with new pets, new skills and even a new weapon for the MA. Best thing is, I can set my FL character to work while I Maple. Also, probably Triple Moons is gonna make a come back ^-^ Zid and Renegate has restarted playing, and so did Locke (apparently). I wonder if I have the time to create 3 characters once again. Heh... am definitely gonna drop the AOD - too much of a pain to create. Hmm... since there are gonna be new pets, I think I should rethink my entire strategy. More planning to do when I get home. Might do it in the office later if I finish all my stuff... ah well, see how things go. Now I shall call for the van while keeping fingers crossed.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:17


Monday, July 11, 2005


Hmm... somehow the weekend went betta than I expected. Ben's friends all didn't turn up, even though they promised to. I hope that taught him a lesson. That he shouldn't depend on his "friends" too much. To be fair, fine, Eric did come down on Sunday - for 2hrs... Weixiong claimed that he had a fever and Zen claimed that he was too tired. Kinda lame excuses. Frm my point of view, they just didn't bother to help. As for Mr. Jacky, Ben's little lover-boy... he went totally m.i.a. not even answering his fone, diverting his calls and turning his fone off. yeah, thatz simply great, ain't it? I wonder why Ben spends so much effort on him. When Jacky's bike needs repairs, Ben was the one who brought it to the bike shop & paid for the modifications. When Jacky's bike needed inspection, Ben brought it down and brought it back to him. When Jacky's house needed painting... Ben went down to help. Itz all about Jacky. Last Fri's events kinda spoke for themselves ehx? And this is how Jacky treats him in return? That is so perfect. I would have dropped a "friend" like this faster than I would have dropped a hot potato. I wonder why is Ben so stupid. What did he ever owe Jacky? Well... perhaps, like a friend said, itz a one-sided love affair. And u can bet ur last dollars that I am pissed off coz Jacky is taking so much of Ben's time & attention away frm mi. Jealous? yeah maybe. I just don't see why someone has to spend much energy on such a person... and itz Ben's fault ultimately. He just doesn't get his priorities right. Anyway, things are gg to be over soon... I wouldn't have bother about how he lives his life anymore. I am just gonna try my best and make things the worst it can possibly be for him. Payback, dude. No longer am I gonna be foolish too - wasting my effort on an unappreciative prig. I have my own life, and I'm gonna live it my way. Itz a shame though, that I wouldn't be able to live in the new house for long. The carpets have been laid, and everything looks so nice. *sigh* Win some, lose some.

Spoke to Ben about the split of accounts and he did agree to it... said he'll talk further when he gets home tonite. The question is when are we gonna split. At least he wouldn't smoke away all my hard-earned $ anymore, and I can do stuff that I want with whatever I earn. Hmm maybe that'll inspire him to go back to wrk at Paradigm, coz after calculations, he wouldn't able to survive at the rate he spends. Whatever, even if he does go back to wrk, I dun care anymore. If he wants to spend so little time with me, then so be it. He'll know what went wrong when the marriage eventually breaks down... when he receives the lawyer's letter. Then he wouldn't have a choice anymore. He has to work part-time, whether he likes it or othewrise, to pay off everything & to keep himself. Thankfully all the loans are in his name. I wouldn't have to bear that burden. And I gonna make sure that he pays mi alimony as well.

After last weekend, am seriously contemplating of switching my job too. Tuttle did ask if I wanna wrk at his place... $10/hr, 8hr shift but itz contract based for 6mths. Should I give up a permanant job for that? It doesn't pay at a higher rate than my current job but I am sure it has alot less headaches. During the last weekend, my wrkplace keep calling mi regarding car requisitions... last min shite once again. And there's like so much "extra" things involved in my job scope, I have so many things to do... but hmm at least I get to surf the net, play my neopets and post in forum. I dunno. Pros vs cons I guess. Went down Mediacorp earlier this morn. Am goddamned tired now. Got home last nite at 3am... after painting. I wonder when is this kinda tiring life gonna end. I just wanna go home to play Maple.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:43


Saturday, July 09, 2005


Last nite was rotten. I was expecting it to be a good nite... but no, itz rotten. Thanx to Mr. Ben once again who simply loves to fuck up my life. When I called him b4 I finished wrk he said that he would go up to the house himself and paint part of the sealer 4 the hall, after movie then I go up to help him. Fine. I was okay with that. Then what happened? Halfway thru out the show, he SMSed mi to tell mi that he was gg to play billard with Jacky & Eric. Yes... his friends again. He just seems to die if he doesn't see them for 1 weekend huh? Fucking ass... of coz I got pissed, coz it would mean he would go out to the wee hours and not get any work done. He SMSed mi a big fuss, saying that why can't he go out to play billard with his friends... yadda yadda... and he never even asked if I wanna go along. Good. After the movie, I called him ask him fetch mi go... he say cannot. They playing @ Bt Timah so ask mi ownself ride bike down. Naturally I got du lan... so I just say forgeddit, I would rather hang out with my own friends, then crowd myself with ppl who can't even communicate. It wasn't till today, a few min ago, when I called Ben tat I found out that he was at Parklane last nite, and the real reason y he couldn't fetch mi was becoz, yesterday, Jacky was at our new house "taking a look" and he was fetching Jacky coz Jacky "has his own helmet". Once again itz apparent that he prefers Jacky over me. Everything is so about Jacky. Jacky this Jacky that. He even needs to take Jacky up to the new house and ask Jacky what he thinks about the colors chosen for the rooms. Heyz I dun need a Jacky to have a say in my house alrite!!~! Ben is just goddamned fucking GAY. When I got home last nite, he show mi attitude, say I come home at this hour disturb his sleep. He can go fuck spiders or moths for all I care. How about the times when he came home so late at nite and disturbed my sleep - and I am wrking the nxt day? Asshole to the max.

Today? *sigh* Itz just gonna suck even more coz i'll be seeing his friends as well. I can't simply don't go, coz he's gonna come out with overtime... so I gotta be there to receive the furniture. Bad mistake I realised last nite... when I was talking to ellone. I shouldn't have allowed him to put his name on the invoices for those "big items" - ie. the bed & the sofa, and the harvey norman appliances. That'll be difficult when we eventually go to court to debate over the property. The only consolation is that - all loans aren't in my name either. So if I get this done fast enuff, I wouldn't even have to bear the renovation loan. Then I'll probably have to go edit the stake I have in the flat to 50-50 before I make any futher movies. My plans? After speaking to my friends last nite, I am determined. I am gg to consult a lawyer 1st and see what benefits I can get outta this divorce. I ain't gonna let him go that easily, for my time that he hath wasted. He can go marry Jacky after that for all I care, but I am gg to make sure that he wouldn't get to live in the house. A jerk-off like him deserves no mercy. Since he made my life hell for these few mths... I'm gonna return him hell for the nxt few years.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:27


Friday, July 08, 2005


Itz gonna be a boring weekend. Tonite is fine. Tonite am finally gg to watch a movie with my friends ^-^ Yeah Ben did say that tonite will go Jelapang... am not taking any risks manx. If I cancel the movie, and he comes up with overtime, thatz gonna be real shitty. Hence I've decided to just go ahead with the movie, and perhaps go down to Jelapang after the show. Am pretty tired of him messing up all my plans. So why izzit gonna be a boring weekend? Well... where do u think I'll be spending the weekend? *sigh* At the new house again, painting the sealer and painting the walls. Tml is a Sat. Ben says his friends are all gg over. 4 of them. And after painting, they gg to play basketball. So what am I supposed to be doing? I have no freaking idea. Perhaps I'll not even go down after all. Don't see a point in me going down and being an "extra". Dun wanna end up going to da bao food for them oso. I dunno... I just think that perhaps weekdays are much betta than weekends afterall. True that I gotta go to wrk... but at least I wouldn't have to see Ben's friends. And I can't imagine when we actually move it. Ben's friends are like gonna come over now and then, disrupting my peace - playing majong, or just tonning over. Thatz gonna suck.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:06


Wednesday, July 06, 2005


Whatever trust I had in him hath totally be wiped off last nite... not that there was much trust invovled in the 1st place... after all those lies. When Ben turned off his mobile, I had this nagging feeling that he ain't telling me the entire truth. Following my instincts last nite, I left and went down to his wrkplace for a spotcheck. Like I expected. He wasn't there. The entire place was locked up... I had to climb over the main gate to walk to his warehouse, the warehouse was locked and there were no vehicles in sight. There wasn't even a soul in sight... the security must have been sleeping. Fine. I called home, Ben didn't call home either. Had no choice but left and went back home, feeling pissed & betrayed at the same time. When I reached home, his bike hasn't even reached the carpark yet. Only when I was leaving the carpark then Ben finally drove in. It is impossible that he left the workplace before me and got home after me - not even if he stopped to fuel his vehicle on the way... if he did, I would have seen him. I questioned him. He came up with some shit-ass excuse saying that they were doing packing at another warehouse, not his usual workplace. Right, so why did he tell mi the 1st time I called him that he'll be at his wrkplace if I go down to check on him? Apparently he didn't take my threat seriously and thought I would never be bothered to go down to catch him on the lie. As to why his phone was off? He claimed that boss wanted them all to turn off their mobiles. Right. Since when his boss ever stayed till that hour? And his supervisor doesn't care... I've been there b4 to wait for him during packing. I know how the "norm" is. The question now is, should I give him the benefit of the doubt? That he was actually wrking but failed to tell mi that he was doing packing at another warehouse instead? That just seems too incredible to believe huh?

When I couldn't find Ben anywhere and couldn't contact him, I called Jacky. Jacky didn't answer the phone either... but he called me back much later... Jacky claimed that he wasn't with Ben and has no idea where Ben was. So why is it so coincidental that when Jacky called me back... Ben comes home soon after? It just seems as if Ben was with Jacky... and Jacky asked Ben to come home coz I am getting pissed. Or it might have been Ben sending Jacky home then coming back - the timing is just so right if that was what actually took place. So how am I supposed to believe Ben this time? He doesn't seem to be lying when he answered my questions... it might be coz he hath rehearsed his script mentally b4 coming back. I've seen it before, him lying w/o so much of a blinking eye. Question comes again - is there a point in this relationship built on lies? I am alredi starting to suspect the undesirable... that he is cheating on me. Trust me, I tried to ignore it... I tried to not be bothered... but I failed. I tried to just get on with my own life, but I just can't at this point of time. I am so f**king tired... mentally & physically... I slept at 2+ again last nite. This cannot go on...

Shady self-destructed @ 10:54


Tuesday, July 05, 2005


Itz obvious that he is avoiding my phone calls. I called him twice, he didn't pick up. I asked Sean to call him. He didn't pick up either but guess what? 5 min later he called back, called Sean that is - who claimed that itz the wrong number. I waited. He didn't return my call. Ain't it obvious that Ben doesn't wanna speak to me? I know he might be afraid that I nag... he's probably gotten enuff of all my complaining... frankly, I am sick of complaining alredi. But I just can't help it. It just pisses mi off to think that he is wrking overtime every single nite and doesn't wanna come home. Am I that horrible? That he has to avoid me? If there's a problem, why doesn't he address it and talk it out instead of taking such drastic measures? It'll be so much easier if we go our seperate ways, won't it? When he comes back, I know he hates it, but I'm gonna talk. I dun care what time he returns... he might be put off frm returning - but if he doesn't, I'll go down to look for him. My temper hath reached the boling mark alredi. When he comes back, am gonna suggest an account split and then... ask him to stop wrking on the house, coz I ain't gonna move in. I've asked mi mom to help mi set up an appointment with the divorce lawyer... for consultation. I just wanna know what I'm getting myself into b4 proceeding with the divorce. If only I have enuff $ to hire a PI and catch him in the act - then I wouldn't have to wait 3 fucking long years for the divorce to process.

Shady self-destructed @ 22:47


Itz 2133hrs, Ben is still not home... he hasn't even called or anything as well. Packing again. I've been thinking of things on the way home, spoke to my dad again when he got back... Ben's behaviour is unacceptable. Even my dad agrees that a person shouldn't neglect family due to wrk, and itz virtually impossible that a driver has to do overtime every single nite. Even dad suggests that I should go along with my own life and ignore Ben. *sigh* Like I mentioned in my previous post... I wonder will that result in both of us leading parallel lives. Am playing Maple Story rite now. Been a long time since I played an mmorpg. I dun really like the gameplay and I still think that itz a Ragnarok Online rip-off, but ah well... since it helps mi spend the time ^-^

Shady self-destructed @ 21:36


Itz confirmed. I just called Ben earlier and he has overtime tonite. Look what I blogged earlier? Itz just one predictable cycle over and over again. Should I even make such efforts to salvage the relationship? I had a short chat with my colleague over lunch and mentioned my situation to him, hoping that he can somehow defend Ben with his point of view. It left him dumbfounded in the end. Initially he said that I shouldn't give up that easily. But after I told him about my repeated efforts... only to face rejection, even my colleague (Kelvin) said that itz all up to Ben. If he doesn't wanna cooperate, there's nothing much he can do. Kelvin also mentioned that I should give Ben a taste of his own medicine, hopefully that'll make Ben running back to me. But thatz risky. Not everyone would react the same way... and we might end up living parallel lives eventually. I am just sick of this. I wanna go home and play Maple.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:24


It was another tiring nite last nite, got myself home finally at 2:10am. *sigh* Spent time doing the home's accounts and checking on my license status. Managed to dig out the books I had during my RTT and found out that 12pts is liable for suspension... not revocation yet. I wonder if thatz good news. With completion of a refresher course, I'll be suspended for 1mth. Guess thatz much betta than having to re-take the license all over again. After suspension, I'll prolly be given another 12pts I guess. Just hopefully I wun commit any other serious traffic offences. Itz so difficult getting a clean sheet - even for a slow rider like me. Yeah, slow as compared to most ppl I know. Am always worried about speed cams and being unable to brake in time for a red-light. Arrgghhh ah well, everything is destined I suppose. Can't do anything at this point of time, just have to wait for the letter to come and perhaps take a last shot at it by submitting an appeal. Life sure ain't too easy huh? During suspension I might still ride my bike... there's a risk but on dayz that I gotta go down to MediaCorp b4 wrk, itz difficult when I ain't riding. Just gotta cross my fingers and pray that I dun encounter any road blocks. Will take things as they come I suppose... no point spending too many brain cells over the uncontrollable.

Asked Ben earlier if he could come home for dinner tonite - itz been a long time since we had dinner together at home. His response was a simple see how. *sigh* I just know it in my bones that he's gonna come up with more "overtime" tonite and get back ard 10+ like he normally does. I am quite numb towards this alredi. If he doesn't wanna put in effort to maintain the r/s then I shall not bother anymore. I'll just ask... if he doesn't wanna cooperate, then forgeddit. Too much energy hath been spent on this r/s and I dun feel like spending any more. Will save it for TS Online and Maple Story - just installed those 2 games, and am a noob. lolx. Itz a pain being a noob. Oh, I can't neglect my cross-stitching as well. I believe Nor must be wondering by now, when am I ever gonna complete that piece for her. Hmm... will divert my time later then. Dinner when I get home, while watching the tube. Then 2hrs of gaming... the rest of the nite to cross-stitching. As for Ben? Dun wanna care about him anymore... for today.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:08


Monday, July 04, 2005


Don't have the mood to work once again. This time coz I am ultimately sleepy. The weekend was ruined. *sigh* Initial plan was to go watch "War of the Worlds" with the banana eating bunch but had to cancel that last minute. Why? Coz of the Jelapang flat once again. Had to go down in the noon to wait for furniture to be delivered, and for the Harvey Norman appliances to come. The appliances are settled. Good. But the furniture, noooooo gotta go back there nxt weekend to wait again. Apparently the stuff delievered are not up to standard - far from it, in fact. Parts of the dining table were rusty and the coffee table was damaged. I know, I am a perfectionist, but heyz, I paid for it... so I ain't gonna ignore any fault. Defu Lane Furniture said they would change it. Good. They'd betta. The rest of the weekend was spent cross-stitching as Ben & my dad worked on painting the walls. Well... of coz I did help in the painting as well. I just had to be there. Can't possibly just leave my dad alone in the hse with Ben huh? *sigh* And I was looking forward to the movie - was a shame really. Ben promised that he would make it up, by accompanying me to watch it. I am wondering "when". With his seemingly endless overtime, that is now on a daily basis and gg down to the house for more painting... that seems like a very faraway thingy. I didn't even get enuff sleep. The floor was uncomfortable on Sat nite. And Sun nite? I got home 2+... after settling the accounts I got to sleep perhaps around 3am? Had to drag myself down to MediaCorp and then to wrk earlier today.

Now I'm just here... rotting away with stuff yet to be done. More car requisitions again. For tomorrow. Goddamned last min. Oh.. .and I failed to mention, last Sat, I had to come down to the office just to open the door for the camera crew. If the wasting of time ain't bad enuff, I tio red light camera on the way to office. There goes 12pts. *sigh* I really hope that after my probation period, which is ending soon, there'll be another 12pts awarded to me... I can't imagine riding around with 0pts till nxt year. I dun really want my licnese suspended or revoked. Itz gonna be troublesome taking those practicals all over again. That was carelessness on my part. Was so sleepy that I didn't notice that light hath changed and by the time I did, it was too late to brake, so had to just zoom thru'. Itz defintely a red-light camera zone and the cam there is confirmed working - Ben got caught there once. Shite manx. What swell luck.

Caught Ben in yet another lie. Last Fri, he claimed he had overtime, and came home late... almost 11pm. He said he came back directly frm wrk. That was a lie. Yesterday, on the way home, we stopped by the petrol station @ Upper Bt. Timah to top up his tank. The guy wrking there casually mentioned that he hasn't seen Ben for a very long time. Guess what Ben retorted? That he was there just 2 dayz ago - on the Fri when he was supposed to be wrking overtime. Why was he there? Frm his wrkplace back to Bugis, there is absolutely no need to take that route coz it'll be a longer way and a waste of petrol. Apparently Ben wasn't at work then. The most innocent reason I can think of is, he just wanted to get away frm me... and go home to rest, before coming down to my place later. But I just can't help it that many more reasons popped into my head. Who is he out with? What did he do? And why did he have to lie? I know I shouldn't be questioning that much - that I should actually trust him. But how can u trust someone who lies to u now and then?

During the painting of the flat over the weekend, Ben painted on the walls "I love my house". Great. Further reinforces the thought I have that - the only reason he got married to mi was coz of the house. He blew his temper at mi last nite too... and this time I didn't hold back. Itz late in the nite, he's tired, he has to work today... right, so do I. That doesnt give an excuse for him to just show his temper whenever he wants. I think he was shocked by my outburst. He didn't bother to pacify me as usual. Forgeddit. This ain't gonna last long anyway.

Shady self-destructed @ 13:06







.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page



Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.

In Progress

  • Dark Cloud 2
  • Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
  • Kingdom Hearts
  • Kingdom Hearts II
  • Wild Arms 3

In Queue

  • Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
  • Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
  • Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
  • Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
  • Dark Cloud
  • Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
  • Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
  • Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
  • Final Fantasy X
  • Final Fantasy X-2
  • Final Fantasy XII
  • Grandia III
  • Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
  • Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
  • Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
  • Persona 3
  • Rogue Galaxy
  • Rule of Rose
  • Shadow Hearts: Covenant
  • Shadow Hearts: From The New World
  • Shining Force Neo
  • Silent Hill 3
  • Silent Hill 4: The Room
  • Soul Cradle [Jap]
  • Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
  • Suikoden IV
  • Suikoen V
  • Tales of the Abyss
  • Wild Arms Alter Code: F
  • Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

  • Ar tonelico II [?]
  • Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
  • Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
  • Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
  • Digimon World Data Squad
  • Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
  • Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
  • Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
  • Drakengard
  • Drakengard 2
  • Dual Hearts
  • Elvandia Story [?]
  • Ephemeral Fantasia
  • Eternal Ring
  • Evergrace
  • Forever Kingdom
  • Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
  • Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
  • Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
  • Growlanser Generations
  • Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
  • Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
  • Jade Cocoon 2
  • Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
  • Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
  • Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
  • MS Saga: A New Dawn
  • Musashi Samurai Legend
  • Odin Sphere
  • Okage: Shadow King
  • Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
  • Radiata Stories
  • RPG Maker 2 [?]
  • RPG Maker 3 [?]
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
  • Shining Force Exa
  • Shining Wind [?]
  • Shining Tears
  • Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
  • Steambot Chronicles
  • Summoner
  • Summoner 2
  • Tales of Destiny [?]
  • Tales of Destiny II [?]
  • Tales of Legendia
  • Tales of Rebirth [?]
  • Tales of Symphonia [?]
  • The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
  • Tsugunai: Atonement
  • Unlimited Saga
  • Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
  • Wild Arms 5 [?]
  • Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
  • Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
  • Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
  • .hack//Infection Part 1
  • .hack//Mutation Part 2
  • .hack//Outbreak Part 3
  • .hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

  • Grandia II
  • Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
  • Legend of Legia II
  • Shadow Hearts
  • Silent Hill 2
  • Suikoden III

Trash Bin

  • 7 Sins
  • Urbz: Sims in The City
  • Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...


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+ S e l f L i n k s +

Cross Stitch Tracker

+ C r e d i t s +

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