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Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else


I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free


Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel


Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone


No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try


Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye


Fade to Black - Metallica




Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life


Thursday, September 30, 2004


Am slightly high now... due to the effects of alcohol and it feels good. Really. Itz been quite sometime since I went clubbing & it was kewl moving to the R&B beat. *grinx* Not to mention, there were a few cute guys to check out from where I was. One of them is a friend of my friend. Another was this Malay guy sitting at the table nearby. Just too bad I wasn't under the influence of alcohol that much to go pick 'em up /gg. Did talk a little to my friend's friend though. His name's Derrick btw, if I didn't remember wrong. Heh went down intially wiht Karin & her friends... to mambo but when I knew that Jonathan & Nicky were over at Phuture, obviously I would choose to stay there the entire nite... despite Phuture being much more crowded. yeah I hate crowds. But itz not much of a choice between R&B vs retro. Dancing to retro will be a lil' too static, if u get what I mean. And way to synchronised. Am not much of a clubber, neither am I much of a dancer or drinker but heh, itz kewl to just let it go now and then. Gahhhh I should have went forward to talk to that Malay guy >.< Ah well, if fate decrees, I'll see him @ Phuture again. Coz this ain't gonna be last time I'm going down. Gawd, my head is feeling so heavy... and am waiting for Jon to get back home so he can tank mi a little on the RO server he's playing. yeah more RO. No Sims for mi tonite I suppose.

Shady self-destructed @ 04:24

Wednesday, September 29, 2004


Once again I'm staying awake due to gaming. Yeah did a couple of hours on The Sims 2 and am now back to ShazzRO. This time am allowed to create 5 characters *grinx* pretty kewl ehx? Granted that itz always possible to create a 2nd account if I want more characters than the usual 3, and that I'll prolly not have time to train all of them proper but itz more convinient having them all one the same account. I pushed my thief up to lvl 20 and merchant to lvl 24 earlier, b4 I started simming. Now, before bed, am trying to get my monk-wannabe to at least change class to acolyte. Hmm... 1st time I'll be attempting this class. I wonder how many times will I require a skills/stats reset. lolx. Ah well... my assassin will prolly need one. Gotta waste zeny purchasing a fire elemental katar. Should be going katar until I manage to get my smith to forge - or some other smith to forge a set of elemental damascus for me, that is. Daggarsins are expensive and *ahem* troublesome. lolx. yeah due to being ultra-lazy, I might just go katar all the way again. A forge smith is terrible to train. Thankfully there's stats & skills reset here. Perhaps I'll just go katar sin and then battlesmith. *shrugx* ah well, itz still too early to say. I know I'll want a wizard for sure... but knight or crusader, have yet to decide. yeah, am gonna push the decision till the last min again. More procrastination. F**k manx, I need a job.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:26

Tuesday, September 28, 2004


Mission: To switch back my biological clock
Method: Not sleep an entire nite, entire day & sleep early the nxt nite
Result: Failure. Despite lack of sleep an entire day & nite, I slept again this morn & woke up in the evening. I was tired at nite. I just couldn't rest.

lolx. Yeah I kinda expected that though. Too many outside distractions/influences to prevent me from sleeping at nite. Hahaha yeah blame it on my own will. Itz weak. *mumbles* Till now I have even yet to do simple stretching exercises. If my addiction to The Sims 2 ain't killing me yet, my obesession with reading lately is gonna. Not to mention, I recreated my RO account... am patching the latest client version rite now. Hopefully will be able to play again by tonite. Went to the library yesterday & borrowed 2 books. On top of that, I picked up "The Lone Drow - Part II of the Hunter Blades Trilogy". *nod nod* met up with pero yesterday and he accompanined mi to do all those stuff. Itz amazing what u manage to get done when another person just accompanys you. Coz when u ask another person out, there's no more thing called procrastination. u just have to do it. lolx. Yeah I recreated on Shazz... like i mentioned earlier. Coz apparently there was a total character wipe. Itz gonna be a pain levelling up again... but ah well... guild loyalty *grinx* I got myself into a guild on Athena as well.

My mood hath yet to improve totally. Am still wallowing in self-hate, self-despair. Very soon, if this ain't gonna change, am gonna once again descend into depression. No thanx to my mom. I know she doesn't mean it, but the hate doesn't disappear. I hate my parents for giving me my physical frame. This pathetic, short, puny human body that hampers my progression in life. That woman nagged @ me earlier regarding the searching of a job. I have a good mind to just return to F&B once again. At least it wun be something I totally detest... and it'll be a job so she can just shut the f**k up and leave me in peace. Once again, I've retreated to the privacy of my room - my only sanctuary in this insane world. I have foregone dinner. Here I shall stay till the wee hrs of the nite, when everywhere else is clear... only then I shall feed myself. My life is fucked. I know there are ppl who are in a more f**ked situation than I am... but that doesn't matter. I don't care. There are some who have told mi b4, to be thankful of what I have coz there are others in the world who don't. Itz just that what the f**k do u know? That there are things I can't do coz I can't !!~! There are things that I can't change coz I can't !!~! You know how that feels? If you don't, then pls, do me a favour and keep ur illogical comments to urself. If you can't empathize, you don't know how I feel about certain stuff, then just shut the fuck up and leave me alone!!!~! Coz u are only just making matters WORSE!!!!!!

I am having cramps. It hurts. I curse and swear at that as well. Itz just so f**ked. Life is. That there are somethings beyond ur control. According to my mom, life's like this, bear with it. F**K you woman. You don't understand. You accept everything like the slave u are... thatz just you. I ain't the same. I don't know how am I gonna change things, I can't. But I sure hell won't just sit down, bear with it like you do. Coz that just ain't me.

Shady self-destructed @ 20:11

Monday, September 27, 2004


Great. Just perfect. Tried to login my ShazzRO account and realised that my account hath been wiped. Reason: Unknown at this moment. Gahhh I suspect itz due to inactivity but can't that stupid Shazzy understand that ppl might be too bz to logon every single day? Ahhh f**k it, ain't too interested in RO anymore, at this moment. Perhaps I'll play on another private server instead.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:53


Our father, in heaven. Holy be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done, on Earth, as it is in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sinned against us. Do not bring us to the Test, but deliver us from Evil. Amen.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." - John 3:16

Don't ask me why I am quoting from the Bible or why did I type out a prayer from my memory. I think thatz our Father's prayer or something like that... I can't exactly remember. Itz been years since I left my school, but somehow the words hath always lived in my memory. No, I have not converted to Christianity or anything close. I just suddenly felt like typing those stuff out. *shrugx* Quite a difference from my usual Necronomicon stuff or quotes from the Satanic Bible huh? I am tempted to once again order the Satanic Bible thru' Amazon. I juts feel like keeping a copy of it, though I am pretty sure it'll be confiscated by the authorities. F**k Singapore. What happened to free will & freedom to practice religion? I wonder if itz possible to obtain it via other sources. Thru' ebay or get a friend overseas to mail to to me. I ain't even sure if I go overseas, if itz possible for me to obtain it. I am no worshipper of Satan either. I just want to analyze the SB like I will the Holy Bible. *grinx* And yes, I shall once again place them side by side on my shelf... amongst all the other literature I have (mainly fantasy novels & manga XD). It just ain't fair come to think of it. The Holy Bible is sold almost everywhere in sg. So are crucifixes, rosaries... etc. But nothing regarding the Satanic and other occult faiths. I mean... wat in the name of blazing hell are they so afraid about? SO WHAT if there are ppl who are practicing Satanism? Trust me, I've read the SB. There's nothing in there that tells you to go out and kill... etc. Those hogwash are all misconceptions of the faith. Like all other religions, Satanism glorifies a God. Just coz itz not commercialized, it doesn't mean that it is bad.

Religion ain't bad. Itz the ppl who do bad things, supposedly in the name of religion, are. Like Wiccan, witchcraft. Withces are protrayed as evil. But tel me, what is so evil with the worship of the Goddess of the Moon? Wiccans believe that whatever they do, comes back threefold to them. For a person who is cursed by a witch, I believe the pereson must have done something really extreme to be hated to such an extent. I mean, who the fuck in their bloody mind will do something to someone only to get it back 3x unless the person done something really horrid to them? Itz all logic, ehx? I don't hate the Church specifically. I don't hate the Christian God. I don't hate Christians. I just hate ppl (whatever religion they believe in) who discriminate against others, who judge in terms of religion... they fail to see that all a religion does is have a code of conduct for their followers. Their stories, teachings, they have meanings to only the initiated. *shrugx* Then again, what right does a person like me - a person devoid of faith - have to comment huh? Well... f**k it manx. I always get worked up while talking about such stuff. Think I should stop and get my blood pressure back down before I implode or something else drastic happens.

Anyway, the catalyst that sparked such a reaction - I just watched "The Exorcist". The 1974 one, not the one that is gonna hit the big screens, though am planning on catching that too. It was entertaining alrite. Not as scary as I expected it to be, though I must say there were a few scenes that are pretty freaky, come to think of it. /me shrugx. Perhaps my rational mind just manages to curb the irrational fear. Itz all ahem... a movie anyway =) Now for some Sims to neutralize all that I've seen. I'd betta not dream of weird stuff when I rest later. lolx, that doesn't mean that I wanna dream of Pheeroni either!!~! *shudders* Pheeroni...

Shady self-destructed @ 05:23

Sunday, September 26, 2004


I think I should quit smoking. Yeah I've said this b4 and I didn't really get about doing it. Itz just that my physical shell is deteriorating... at an alarming rate. With all those nicotine and goodness knows what else inside, coupled with the fact that I don't exercise anymore. Had a great seafood dinner earlier. After food, went to take bus home, had to run abit and I just felt breathless. As if feeling breathless ain't bad enuff, the body started to ache. At this rate I gonna just collapse I guess. Feeling all these weird aches now and then. Not to mention, feeling so tired all the time. Perhaps I shall start with a little stretching later. Sad to say that such determination don't last long. Maybe I should start switching my biological clock back as well... so that I can go for some swimming in the day... etc. I dunno. Am just a f**king lazy sack of bones thatz decomposing. I don't even feel that flexible anymore. Can just barely bend down to touch my toes - enduring the pain, that is. What inactivity does to you manx. I used to be able to touch the bloody floor w/o much problem and I used to be able to kick someone's head even though he's much taller than mi. Heh heh not that I am kicking much heads... just that... arrrgghhhhhh look what I had allowed to happen to me?! Furthemore, am getting fat. All those flab is pretty disgusting -.-" I'm starting to become one of those ppl I detest & I am too lazy to do anything about it. *gosh* This is damn duo luo siahx =(

Anyway... I knew it. I just did. I didn't meet up with Alex eventually. And I was left with zlich plans for a Saturday nite. Just coincidentally I managed to see Kevin dage online & we went out to catch the midnite screening of Jackie Chan's New Police Story. Entertaining, as expected. Heh heh. It was a good movie. Then it was off to Swensen's for dinner/supper... whatever u wanna call it. Hmmm seems like plans are destined not to be kept.

Well... I finally started into Nd's D&D campaign. I can't wait for nxt week. Haha this time I'd betta get up early enough to turn up at the planned time. I have yet to offically join the party though am in the same tavern with them. The performance was held & midway, there was a drow attack. Gahhhhh I can sure bet those drow were after my character. *grinx* Yeah I'm playing a drow!!~! Ahahahahah finally I got to play a dark elf. Am a drow rogue-fighter who is gonna take up the prestige class of devrish. Am still a noob when it comes to D&D rules, there's still loads to read up, loads to experience, loads to learn =) Am currently still working on my character background. A draft hath been scripted but I have yet to finish reading the Underdark manual - I have to, since my character is one from the Underdark. ppl hath asked... what is it that makes me like to play D&D. Well, simple. I get to roleplay another character, and live in another world so unlike my own. Am on an adventure developed by nothing more than mere imagination. Ain't it just great? It beats playing games on the PS2 or PC. This is pure imagination... pure storytelling. The story just progresses depends on what every character does. Itz like scripting ur own life. What can be betta than that?

I wonder if pizza tml is still on *shrugx* Am waiting for my turn to Sim. Think I'll just get on mIRC for a short chat while reading the Underdark manual.

Shady self-destructed @ 22:40

Friday, September 24, 2004


My PC is acting up once again... failing to boot up completely now and then. The Internet connection is lagging, as if there are other programs leeching on my system's resources. The anti-virus didn't detect any viruses left though *shrugx* I suspect itz spyware. Thing is, I don't have a decent spyware remover. Reformatting is outta the question & will only be used as the last resort. The pain of reinstalling everything, reconfiguring everything is too huge to bear. Not to mention, itz time consuming and way annoying. I just dun have the patience to do all these stuff... all I hope is, that my PC wun die b4 I have the chance to backup all those anime that I've downloaded. Gotta pop by Sim Lim tml to get myself some CD-Rs & to return the cheque back to Sky. Duhhhh yeah I got my pay frm Comex but Sky was saying that the accounts dept made a mistake with the amount. Itz $150. I hope that the mistake doesn't mean that I get lesser!!~! Anyway I sent an email to request my results transcript for my BAMC course... itz difficult to apply for government positions w/o my results. Problem is, only shortlisted candidates will be notified and it will take up to a mth to process the application. F**king slow huh? In the meantime, I think I should get my ass moving & do something... just in case my application is unsuccessful - coz I am indeed, below their ht & wt limit =( I do hate my parents for that - being so small and so short. My mom always says... there are other ppl in the world shorter than I am, and smaller... but they don't seem to mind. What she doesn't understand that, of coz they don't seem to mind!!~! They don't even wanna do the things I wanna do !!~! Just how many things I fail to do coz of my size?! You know how f**king annoying that is? That everything is perfect but the only thing that ruins u is something u don't have a choice on - that you can't change no matter what you do coz u are f**king born with it? Even if those smaller than me do mind their frame, you think they gonna just blab around to a stranger? Of coz NOT!!! Parents *sigh* they don't understand -.-"

I finally met up with Alvin last nite & told him what I've wanted to say all long. Yesh I finally managed to harden my heart to say it. It was... difficult. It all started with SMS coz I just couldn't bear the annoyance any longer. Not to mention, I was facing problems with my PC, hence the acceleration of bad mood. I said the the best I could. I told him that I was pissed coz he kept calling at wrong times, and I told him that I ain't his gf... after that, there was quite alot of silence. Well, I dunno, I just hope that somehow we can still be friends. He's an interesting friend, a nice one, to have around. Just that, I don't want a bf and he ain't the kind of guy I'll be with. We don't even have anything in common, besides bikes manx!!~! ppl have told me, since I feel so lonely & bored all the time, why don't I just find a bf. This ain't a problem about finding a bf. That is the easy part. Keeping a bf is the part that is difficult. I am too much of an individualist to let another person interfere with my life. You think I don't wish to find someone who loves me, who cares about me, whom I can spend the rest of my life with? Itz just that... itz easier said than done. Find find find. yeah rite... find. Those that I like don't like me in return, those that I don't do. When feelings ain't mutual I ain't even gonna give it a shot. Try. Rite, try. In the end what happens? Everything falls in pieces and I'll end up being the bad guy who messes with another person's feelings. Either tat or someone else messes with mine and I'll end up in a situation whereby I just wanna die, once again. Gahhhhh I have enuff of bgr. They just don't seem to work well for me, so might as well stay away frm it.

Yet another day I'm staying at home. There's the RHCP concert later on Chn 5 that I wanna watch. Itz at times like this that I wish I had a home theatre system so I can feel the full impact of the music. Wahahahahah Anthony rawks!!~! RHCP rawks!!~! *plays the intro of Californication* lolx. Hmmm anyway might be meeting up with Piggy tml for a dinner & movie - hopefully nothing crops up the last min. Been a long time since I saw him (not counting the times when he was in hospital) and I kinda miss his company. *grinx* yeah, it was always delightful working with him in SR... itz just that somehow, no matter how bad the mood is, itz always betta after going to KFC together for break =) Am gonna drag him down to Sim Lim with mi b4 it all if I can. Teehee... ah well, gonna wait for him to get online. /me fingers crossed. Nothing crop up, nothing crop up. lolx. Awritex, time to Sim while waiting for RHCP.

Shady self-destructed @ 21:16

Thursday, September 23, 2004


"hito wa dare demo taiyo no kakera o motteiru mono. tada hitobito wa sore wa shiranai dake. demo itsuka subete no hitobito no taiyo no kakera ga tomo ni kageyaki kono chi no terashidashita toki naku. itsuka kanarazu" - hence concluded the B't X Neo series.

Yesh, I went on a mini anime marathon. The storyline was getting just so captivating that I can't bear to tear myself away from it. It was no doubt a dramatic ending to a wonderful piece of anime. I've watched the last scene over and over again... such destruction, such beauty, such... sacrifice. I wonder if I'll be able to find the manga. The only series I have is B'T X. The ending scene was beautiful... so was the piece of music played. When it played, with various scenes of the 4 Knights + Teppei speaking to their B'Ts itz just... I don't know exactly how to describe it but a weird feeling just overwhelms the soul. I wonder if I'll be able to download the mp3 for that. Will be installing Ares soon enuff for the sake of music. Not to mention, will be trying to download the rest of the soundtrack for this anime - especially Fortune Symphonia and the Song of the Angels. Hmmm if that fails, shall make my way down to HMV or Tower Records for a look. yesh, itz that wonderful. Guess the saying is true... that music calms even the most savage beast. Listening to those tracks with my eyes closed. I think perhaps, I can feel peace for an instant... like what I did when I listened to "Sadame" from X/1999's soundtrack... not forgetting the .hack://sign soundtrack as well. Itz pretty amazing how the soul reacts to mere sound.

Such a coincidence that as I type this, the sunlight is streaking in thru my window... lighting up my keyboard. Itz not even 8am yet and the sun is that bright. Perhaps itz just the angle, coz only my keyboard is affected. *grinx* Maybe... just maybe everyone does have a piece of the sun in them, and that they'll shine once in their lives, at a certain time, definitely.

kore ga... owatta.

Shady self-destructed @ 07:35


Itz heartbreaking how some die for a cause, for a belief they hold fast even with their dying breath - in order to protect those that mean alot of them, in order to accomplish a greater good. It makes me think. Is sacrifice really necessary for something great to be done? Are human lives just toys to be thrown around at the puppeteer's whim & fancy? Who is it then, that decides who dies and who doesn't. Do such heroics even exist in the real world or are all real humans cowardly at heart? This seems to be a theme for loads of anime... those that I like, that is. Protecting someone even if it causes your life. Holding on to a promise no matter what. No doubt, it is heartbreaking. I wonder, how do those ppl actually feel when they die. Knowing that they have done something to help someone else. Knowing that they succeed, that their death means that the person they protect lives on. Itz the same kinda theme in X/1999 as well. The 7 seals vs the 7 angels. *grinx* Itz stuff like this, that I watch, that make me hate the real world even more. That makes mi just wanna go somewhere else. But I do remember something that I've heard about once. I can't remember exactly which anime it was (though I have a feeling it was Gensomaden Saiyuki) - that there is no point hating & destroying everything via hate... coz even if everything is destroyed, the world I hope for, might not come. Heh... perhaps I really do think too much. At times I wonder, if I'm given a choice... would I choose to live my entire life in ignorance, or would I choose to retain the knowledge of this current existence (not that I know alot, but u get what I mean). Ignorance is bliss, no matter what. Maybe the less I know, the less I bother, the less I hate... the innocence of a child. That is something worth protecting.

Shady self-destructed @ 05:55


My entire life is about waiting. Waiting for someone to appear... waiting for something to do... waiting for something to happen. - at least, thatz what I think I'm doing. I'm waiting. For what/whom I'm waiting for, I have kosong idea. What the hell am I doing with my Life? It just seems like I am no longer living but just existing. Consuming food, drinking water, breathing the air. Just keeping myself alive w/o any hope or purpose. As I do so, events around me happen, ppl come, ppl go... ppl just fade away. My mom was asking mi earlier today, if I am still in contact with ppl I know from my past. I told her no. I view life as a journey. Somehow mine is destined to be lonely. Perhaps itz the lack of Fate, perhaps itz the lack of effort. Itz a journey whereby I meet ppl who are going the same direction on the way, hang out with them for a period of time... and part at the nxt junction. Then it'll be up to Fate to see if our paths cross again. It just seems that way. Granted that I have a few friends whom I've known for a very long time - and I'm thankful for them... but itz just that, somehow I still feel so alone. Maybe I just need a special someone in my life. Then again, I don't think I am all that ready for commitment as yet. And frankly, I ain't all that ready to take the risk and hurt myself once again. Those horrible moods after an arguement... etc. *shrugx* I dunno. The feeling just came once again when Malao asked if I wanna go for the Exorcist outing with Movie XClusiv. Yesh, the tix are selling in pairs again. Where the hell can I find someone to pair up with me? I dunno manx... am decomposing decomposing... sent an application to Singapore Prisons Service earlier. I hope they'll respond. Am gonna go watch more anime... seems like thatz all I do (besides Simming) nowadayz.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:42

Wednesday, September 22, 2004


This boredom is unhealthy. It might be the cause of the tremendous mood swings I am having. The underlying bugging thought that I'm doing nothing with life. I dunno. These few dayz I've been uber volatile, getting annoyed at the slightest provocation. Then again, those actions annoy me normally as well... just not to this extent of irritation. Perhaps I'm gonna have my period soon or something. Perhaps itz also due to the lack of proper rest. Well... perhaps itz a huge combination of all. Yeah yeah, typical human behaviour - making up causes and putting the blame on others rather than self. Am in one of my hermit-like moods again. I just feel like breaking contact with everyone & everything in the world. Move out, live alone. Get rid of the phone. Allow the social aspect of life to suffer... not that it ain't exactly suffering rite now. Itz just maxed f**ked up when such feelings come to play. I wanna go out, yet I dun wanna... coz there's nothing to do. Perhaps later, I just might go out for a bit. I dunno. All I know is I dun wanna meet Alvin. I don't see why he has so much to chat about. Frankly, I don't even feel comfortable with him alone nowadayz. Itz just... argghhh I dun even know how to describe this.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:31

Tuesday, September 21, 2004


The power to protect the ones important to you, even at the risk of your very existence, the warm heart that beats inside your mortal shell, the power of your very soul. Supposedly, itz existent in everyone. Even the darkest and most cruel person in the world has a weakness - the ones that they care about. It just reflects what I've always thought. That emotions are a person's downfall. Then again, emotions can push a person to do things he/she can normally never. The strength that a person never knows till the moment of despair. The strength that is gained only at a desperate moment. Humans are such complex & interesting creatures. There are too many questions that I wish too ask. Too many questions that are left unanswered. Anime just triggers the underlying queries in my mind... and revives the ones I've asked before. Itz weird. I've always have the motivation to blog after watching anime. Perhaps itz coz I just need to organise my thoughts a little. Itz a scary thing - how my mind is still very well alive even though my body is deprived of rest. I guess this is the main reason for my failure to sleep unless I am totally burnt out. The body gives up, but the mind refuses to give in. Even when I sleep, at times I dream. Dreams are bad. It tires the shit outta you & you don't feel rested when u wake. Nightmares are worse. Oh pls dun let mi dream of Pheeroni yet again.

Last nite was an interesting night. It started off badly though... with alot of waiting @ this bus stop in Serangoon area -.-" A very long wait. I shall not think of this incident any further coz all it brings is "pek chekness", a feeling that I can't exactly afford to have coz it clouds rational thinking. Perhaps, patience is indeed a virtue. A virtue that I wasn't born with & failed to cultivate all these 23 years. Then again... patience has itz limit. *shrugx* Anyway, after that wait, got down to Hougang Mall & played a little bit of pool with Alvin and Radin. Itz been a looooooong time since I last held a cuestick. Frankly, I can't even remember how long it hath been & it was amazing that I can still remember how to play. Well, I can't play well... but I guess I don't suck that bad either. Then again, ah well, I don't really like pool that much and never had the interest to further improve myself in the game - no matter how much ppl around mi asked mi to practice more. Gahhhhh, don't they understand that itz not that I can't practice, itz that I don't want to... I just, don't see the point in doing so.

After that went to pump petrol. At Shell, poor Zen's bike was towed away again. I dunno what luck he has manx. His Aprilla is always screwing up after repair. This time, itz his clutch that is dmged. It must be uber frustrating for that to happen. Well, we waited and after which went to Farasha for prata. Finally - egg prata!!~! Itz been a f**king long time since I had egg prata, no thanx to the bloody bird flu & paranoid authorities. I mean... heyz, f**k the bird flu. Just give us our eggs!!~! Everything is destined. There's no point being a worrywart and avoiding everything just coz itz "risky". lolx Zen was like suanned the entire time there. Coz of his Aprilla. Everyone was like saying that itz a mistake to get the bike and all. I can imagine how he must have felt. Pretty crappy, that is. But heyz, I guess, there is someway to make the machine work if you really like it. So far, I haven't heard of Alex complaining that his Aprilla is that problematic - ah well, then again, how often do I actually speak to Alex? Not as often as I hoped it would be though *sigh* Sometimes, feelings aren't all that mutal. F**k it manx. Alvin is annoying the crap outta me. I dunno what am I to do now. I just feel like tearing my hair out... then again, change that statement. I wanna tear his bloody hair out. Whatz with the endless fone calls? Can't he understand that if I'm home, I'll be doing my OWN STUFf and I DO NOT like to be disturbed? He still can ask me why will it be inconvienient if he stays ovr. Itz like... duh, doesn't he understand the meaning of privacy?

To hell with it all. Am gonna continue Simming till my energy bar is in the red and perhaps pass out beside the PC.

Shady self-destructed @ 08:33

Monday, September 20, 2004


Like the legendary phoenix that rises from the ashes, B'T Je`taime was revived by tenshi no uta - the song u supposedly hear when u are born... a song filled with happiness and hope. B'T X Neo 03. Finally I managed to finish the download, been doing so for dayz now. The music was... beautiful. The story about how Fou caused the death of Quataro's sister, Lily, by not telling her a lie on her deathbed. She lost her life when she lost the hope to live. Let me ask you, would u tell a lie if it might keep someone alive? Would u lie to someone who is about to leave, even if you know that lie will make the person happy? If you did tell the lie, and the person did live... will the person ever forgive u if he/she found out that all you said was untrue? What kind of a life will that person be living then? What is the very essence of Life? What is the meaning of Life? Why... why do we keep ourselves alive daily when there's not much of a reason to it? Why do we breathe, eat, sleep... etc.? Why do we force ourselves to stay in this tortured existence?

My dayz lately have fused into each other. I sleep when I want to, I eat when I'm hungry. All I do is survive but not truly living. The rest of the time, is spent gaming. I haven't take my bike out for a ride for dayz now. I have no where to go. Things have happened... confusing things. I don't even know what I feel now. I want to go somewhere, but yet I don't want leave the house. This is a meaningless existence. Hope? What is hope? There are many things that I've done that are unecessary, w/o a reason. Perhaps all that I'm feeling now is sheer boredom. I miss riding out at nite and going for supper. I miss having a reason to leave the house. ppl in my life are bothering the shit outta me. I feel like avoiding them all, yet I don't really wanna be alone. I just want to... disappear. Fade away perhaps. Just... I dunno...

Shady self-destructed @ 12:49

Saturday, September 18, 2004


The Sims are uber addictive... and the Sims 2 are worse -.-" I just spent close to 5hr playing a newly created family w/o noticing the time. Unlike the previous version of Sims, I ain't the only one hopelessly addicted to it. The game screwed up on my PC, as expected. Hence, installed in into my bro's PC - since he's entering the army soon (I'll get it all to myself... heh heh). My bro spent almost the entire nite playing with it as well. *grinx* yeah the growth thingy is way kewl!!~! Managed to raise a toddler into a child =) She'll become a teenager in another 4 sim dayz so by the nxt time I load the game, I should be able to attain that goal. Itz difficult to keep an eye on all the additonal stuff though, on top of rotating the camera to get into good angles enuff to click on certain items. Heh, the toddler is one hell of a handful. Ah well, everything is about experience. I should be able to manage all those Sims w/o much of a problem. Anyway, there's always the pause option if things get too fast to handle /gg TS2 rawks !!~! Okay... I admit, there are some points that I dislike about the game. One of it being the community lots. The purchasing of items for the community lots are way too limited.

Anyway, I'm making not much sense now. Just felt like blogging for the sake of doing so... hell, I can't even string my sentances properly. After pokemon am going to take a shower & then allow myself to rest. Sometimes I can't believe that I can stay awake for such extended periods of time. Hmmm anyway I have the entire day ahead for me to sleep. Not many plans this Sat. Min's birthday chalet is on today. He did ask mi to go once, but since he failed to update me with details... I'll just assume that he changed his mind & not turn up. I just don't feel like seeing him, Jian and Jovan all at the same time -.-"

Oh yeah, watched "The Great Challenge" earlier. Ain't that great a show but the action is entertaining nonetheless. The athelets who seem to defy gravity, leaping from building to building... climbing & jumping around like a monkey. According to pero, no doubt the movie is exaggerated but those kinda ppl do exist in reality. I would love to see someone like that f2f. I wonder how much practice it must require for someone to do such stunts. During and shortly after watching the movie, I just got inspired to take up martial arts. yeah... I've had that thought before, but I am simply too lazy to go sign up with any association. I ain't even sure if my left arm can take that kind of exercise. Darn, my tummy is bulging up yet again. Yesh... I am now officially self-proclaimed - flabby. This stinks.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:54

Friday, September 17, 2004


Went out and bought The Sims 2 earlier today. It cost mi $54.90 - a huge hole in my almost empty pocket I shall state. Installed the game, ran it a couple of times to test out the new features and I must say that the graphics are beautiful. 3D with detailed terrain... much better than even the X-Box version!!~! The gameplay is kinda confusing though, after getting used to the traditional ol' Sims. This time, the Sims not only have needs but also life aspirations, wants and fears... so much to get used to. Intend to start out with one of the few default familes in the default neighbourhoods just to familiarize myself with the gameplay. When all is said and done, I'll develop a neighbourhood of my own... muahahahaha. I just love playing God /gg In the meantime, I ain't gonna stop myself from pre-creating families, houses & lots in my world though. Easier said than done. Am experiencing some serious problems with the game though. With exception of frequent lags (and stalling), the graphics seem kinda bugged to me. After say half an hr of gaming, it becomes impossible to play w/o restarting the application coz the whole screen gets pretty f**ked up. I hope itz just the graphics card driver. Downloaded a new one which I shall install later. Hopefully nothing screws up after. I've been dying to play this for a very long time. Finally... my Sims can grow up... grow old and die, leaving a legacy behind =)

For now, I should really be working on Radin's project, but I just feel this huge desire to blog. Ah well... at least it gets my words flowing. 700 words. Lette mi see... I am up to 449 at the moment and have yet to write the main part -.-" Gosh, seems I am too used to writing essays over 2000 words. lolx. Ah well, I shall try to keep my sentances brief, ramble on less and keep it within the 1000 mark. *fingers crossed* I'd betta not stray outta topic & cover all areas mentioned in the question. If not, I think Radin's gonna kick my ass for his, rite dear?

Anyway, earlier, I took my baby out for a ride. Went down with Alvin & Jovan to Jln Kayu for a drink. Jovan seems pretty down. I don't know if she can see that me and Alvin are pretty close - that our relationship has progressed into something... I don't know. I won't exactly call it friendship, but I won't exactly say that we are dating either. I am confused. Really. I don't know what is going on, I don't know how to react and I don't know what I want outta all this either. I just think that if I allow this to progress further, I'll be the one getting hurt eventually and that is a very very bad idea. Alvin seems really concerned about me though, and I suppose he does have some affection for me. He mentioned earlier that he cannot imagine living w/o me and he likes me... having a gf or not, doesn't make a difference. You know, if he is single, I might just give this a shot, but he's not... so I have no idea what to do next. Currently am hiding under the shadows of indifference. I don't push him away, I don't encourage him either. Itz just that, when he takes my hand in his while walking, it tends to be a pretty awkward situation. I don't know whether to just pull away or just hold on. Frankly... I've done both, at different times -.-" His words. I have zlich idea whether to trust them or otherwise. If I trust them, to what extent? Besides... he isn't exactly the only guy in my life rite now. I am so f**ked.

Well. For the moment, I shall just push that to the depths of my mind and continue typing that assignment. I'd betta email it by 7am as promised. Radin: Itz all about trust baby, whether u think I can do something good enuff on time or otherwise... despite being last minute. XD

Shady self-destructed @ 05:54

Thursday, September 16, 2004


A soul that was lost - Zealotus. Episode 23 saw the end of the half-human, just when she was starting to realise that all she did was run away from everything... everyone. Reality is harsh but reality has to be faced. demo... hanasuru toki kantan desuyo. moshikashite atashi wa Zealotus to onaji? zen jinsei nigeru dake? Perhaps all I did was hide beneath hate, beneath the protective veil of deception, beneath the comfort of indifference. demo... kore ii yo? At least I don't get seriously hurt anymore. Well... maybe I have indeed died years ago.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:22

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


Reading up on metal, listening to metal... gives u a slight sense of euphoria. Till now, am still unsure as to which specific genre I prefer listening to. Different websites/magazines classify bands differently. Black metal, death metal, power metal, speed metal, goth metal, opera metal, heavy metal... are just a few of the many sub-genres. I tend to pefer to classify everything into metal - just plain, pure metal. With the traditional power chords, guitar solos, powerful vocals... and not to mention "negative" lyrics. Negative in the minds of "normal" folks. Realistic in the mind of yours truly. Definitely I have a nihilistic nature. *grinx* Everyone should listen to metal now and then, instead of the thrash that is polluting mainstream airwaves. But know what? I am glad that metal remains underground. Metallica's downfall is caused by their desire to go mainstream. Just listen at St. Anger. Weak. I didn't even finish listening to that damned album. No guitar solos? What a f**king joke. Bring back the Metallica of the good ol' dayz anytime manx. All this reading is making my eyes close gradually /me yawnx. I'll try to read up as much as I can before my sensors shut down. Damn. I miss Kazaa. I need a new program to download music. I need to feed my soul more metal.

Shady self-destructed @ 07:08


Reinstalled all expansions of The Sims earlier. Tried to replace the userdate & template NPCs with the ones I've backed up previously. End result - failure. The only consolation is that the houses I've spent so many hours creating are still there. Itz just the families are all screwed up... the character creation is still there but the sprites are all fucked. *shrugx* Anyway I've moved on to a new neighbourhood. Created a few families, constructed a few houses. One thing weird though. The game doesn't seem to run perfectly -.-" Yeah it seems like something has to screw up now and then. There are zlich NPCs in Magic Town. Have yet to check out Studio Town... but if that is void of NPCs as well... then I guess I can't really play the game in that neighbourhood anymore. Might need to shift once again. *sigh* Anyway am in the process of downloading skins for new characters. I just hope that when I load TS up again, the NPC thingy will fix itself. Their official site ain't working at the moment. So guess I'll continue reading up on data for Radin's project and start the draft typing tml nite. For now... itz more reading.

Shady self-destructed @ 06:38

Tuesday, September 14, 2004


I woke up bored. Yeah, can u imagine that? I've slept for around 10hr, as usual, and I woke up wishing that I didn't wake in the 1st place. This is the extent of slacking. Almost 2 mths hath pased since I quit frm SR and I haven't done anything much significant. Ah well... am supposed to do Radin's project by this Friday - heh, thatz the dateline rite? There's still loads of time to do it, no worries. *grinx* I'll do the draft by Thurs morn & re-edit on Fri morn. Heehee, wonder what time should I email the thingy to him >.< Luckily this one dun need biblography or what stupid harvard referencing system... I haven't done that for a long time and it'll be troublesome trying to read up on that all over again. Mass Comm essays are such a pain in the ass. But I kinda miss studying. Itz like there's something to do, yet it doesn't take up all your time... you can slack, work part-time and all while studying. Damn manx, ookie, I swear to send out a few resumes tonite. For now, I shall watch anime and check what is for dinner.

Shady self-destructed @ 19:19


Just got back frm JB. Went down with Joshua to grab a bite, pump petrol + buy cigs. Well... was pretty skeptical in meeting him for the 1st time as he doesn't seem that kewl a person online. irl, he's quiet. Besides the fact that he keeps saying that girls should be driving & not riding... and riding is dangerous... etc. That started to get on my nerves a little so all I did was keep silent and give a wry smile. Can't say that I have a good impression of him though. This will prolly be the 1st and last time that I gonna meet up with him, despite him staying pretty near my place. yeah... I never liked chauvanistic prigs. Couldn't click either. There was almost nothing to say. Now waiting for him to come back down coz he left his passport with me -.-" A dumb thing to do ehx? *shrugx* Anyway, riding wise, I shall say, he's pretty good. His Kips is the fastest 2B bike I've ever sat pillion on. Heh... well most ppl slow down when they have a pillion rider but he doesn't seem to care much. Watever ~

Anyway my baby's fixed =) The scratches are still there but the brake lever and the footbrake hath been changed. Brought it down to CCK earlier and Ben helped mi change the stuff. I owe him dinner manx. Zen's bike still failed to start though, despite trying everyting possible. Ben's gonna call for tow service tml. Oh yeah, I saw the XR4 rider again just before I left the house. Seems like he always comes home around 6+pm. Was busy wondering why my neutral light ain't on so didn't get the chance to speak to him. I swear I'll say hi if I get to see him a 3rd time XD Heyz, itz fate awrite!!~! Once or twice may be coincidental but 3x is pretty much destiny. Heehee... not that I'm gonna do anything, but just felt like saying hi. He didn't park in my spot this time though. lolx, my baby is still right beside his, with no other bikes around - just where they belong >.<

HaiZzz... despite ppl saying that I am thin & small-sized, my tummy is getting bigger by the day. I've lost those abs I used to have, a long time ago... but this is starting to become pretty much outta hand. The entire belly is starting to bloat =( I am just too lazy to do anything about it even though I should. Coz the longer I put it off, the larger is gonna get and the harder it'll be to get it back down to shape. Thatz it manx... 50 situps min per night. lolx but knowing me, I'll prolly get the motivation to do it for just one night :P Ah well... no pain no gain. Seems like I ain't gonna get either!!~!

Shady self-destructed @ 06:09

Monday, September 13, 2004


Episode 13 saw the death of legendary warrior, Kaos and his B't Lamu. Kaos risked everything to teach Teppei about the bond between a donor & his B't. He fulfiled his dream before he died. It was beautiful... the goodbye between 2 who have been friends their entire lives. The deaths of 2 who have lived together for a very long period of time... who couldn't go on living if one shall depart. The union of souls is such a wonderful thing. It brings tears to my eyes and yet it makes me smile. kore wa... atashi no nozomi. moshikashite itsuka atashi no hoka futatsuwari o sagasuru. sagashita bakari... tatoe atashi shinu... atashi zannen ga nai. ureshii ga hoshi. I wonder how will it be when it's time for me to die. If i would be alone, or if there'll be someone by my side. It'll be a lonely journey to the otherside if I were to be left alone. Well *shrugx*

Anyway after dinner, after wiping up my baby... giving it a little polish, am feeling much betta. Itz just that the scratches will always be there to remind me how reckless & careless I can be. Should have opened my eyes and looked what is ahead before going ahead to do something. I just hope I'll never let my baby down again.

The sun is rising. Once again, another day will begin... and mine will end.

Shady self-destructed @ 06:42


When u are in a bad mood, everything seems to irritate the shit outta u and nothing else seems to go right. Yesh, everything (except maybe the dinner I'm having now, since it consists of steamed eggs - I miss eating eggs)... SMS, msn messages, even the lack of warping now on shazz is getting on my nerves. I just wanna sit down and enjoy my dinner. Yet ppl keep msging mi... telling mi to not think so much, etc. Itz like, what the fuck do u not understand about me being want to be left alone? Company is just gonna send mi to annoyed hell. Well, I understand that some of them do it coz they are concerned and all... yadda yadda, but f**k manx, I just want to be left alone. Perhaps I shall just go to sleep directly after food. I'm supposed to meet Davian to wash my bike. But he doesn't seem to wanna come down here and do it. Fine. I'll just do it myself tml or something... after I get the wax, polish... etc. I just hate it when ppl tell u something and den not wanna do it after. I just hate it when plans get ruined. Anyway, the washing will prolly be done after I replace my brake lever.

Yesh, my brake lever totally snapped into half, not to mention my faring was damn badly scratched -.-" Me? I'm fine w/o even a bruise this time. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair, does it? That my baby gets all the dmg taken. This time itz my fault. I didn't notice that the carpark @ Serene Ctr doesn't allow bikes to squeeze thru'. By the time I realised, it was too late, I was halfway down the slope. I couldn't go backwards, I couldn't go forward. I stopped the engine, put the bike on side stand and tried to get off to push. What happened was... the bike just slipped down the slope and crashed. The brake lever broke off. The side mirrors got turned inwards. The handlebar got outta alignment. The right footrest got dented. And the faring is now multilated. Ben came down to help mi replace the lever with Zen's Aprilla's. So I managed to get home eventually. Peformance wise, the bike just seems pretty weird. The engine is making funny sounds. I hope that itz just recovering from the fall he took earlier and that it'll be fine the nxt time I startup. *sigh* I seem to bring much pain to my bike @ this rate I am getting into mild crashes. I swear that when I get a job and my 1st pay, I'm gonna bring him for maintanence a respray. I just hope that nothing happens after itz all done.

For now, I think the best thing for me to do is to calm down, watch anime & rest.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:52

Sunday, September 12, 2004


The sun hath risen. Light streaks in thru the shades that shield my sanctuary. I shalt blog one last time before I descend to slumber... into the lonely comfort of subconsciousness. Despite telling everyone else that I shall turn in early tonite, I decline to do so. The mortal shell is weary but the mind hath yet to lose its vitality. Once again, I contemplate too deep, too much. Before I sort out those rambling thoughts, I shall disallow myself the comforts of rest.

Strength vs Patience. Determination vs Understanding Reality.

Those where the thoughts that crossed my mind while watching episode 11 & 12 of B`T X. Teppel, the boy who doesn't give up, who goes to lengths to acomplish his goal... to fulfil the promise he made to his brother Kotaro. Determined he is. Childish he is too. The failure to see his own weakness will be his greatest downfall. No doubt, his spirit is admirable. But his selfishness towards X is disgusting to watch. Overconfidence is his weakness. Thinking that he can do anything as long as he sets his mind to. No doubt that is true to a certain extent, but he should have considered the condition of his environment before heading blindly into what he thinks is best. Kinda reminds me of Roan in Ragnarok The Anime. Both characters, have a goal. To grow stronger, in order to protect the person who's most important to them. They always seem to succeed despite overwhelming odds. However, to me, they are hateful. The lack of consideration for others around them, others whom they dare call a "partner" is that makes me turn away. Both lack patience. Both turn a deaf ear to advice. Both rely on the mercy of their "enemies" to stay alive. Both are just... not good enough.

I wonder... how many ppl in life are this way. Am I like this as well? I may view my actions as confidence. Others will view it as recklessness. The only thing that prevents me from totally destroying myself is Luck. This is conflicting. Since I was a kid, I kept hearing from ppl around me, whether I know them or otherwise doesn't matter, that you can do whatever you set your mind to. With determination, one can beat the odds. Try as hard as you can and u will get wherever you want to get. Are those advice lacking in something perhaps? No one ever told me to realise my own strength. Know what shit I am getting myself into and avoid taking unecessary risks and getting into situations that I have zero percentage of escaping. No one ever taught me patience before. Then again, what is the use of blind waiting? I tend to do things on the spur of the moment. Reckless, yesh, that I admit. Am I wrong in doing so? Follow ur heart and you can never go wrong? Contradicting thoughts keep crossing my mind, keeping me awake. Perhaps there is no right or wrong to this. Perhaps there is, just that I'll never find out. I am greatly confused. I shall spend more time on this in future.

Creating a world of peace. True peace, where no innocent ppl lose their lives. Where everyone is united... where there are no orphans, no war, no hate, no killing. Is it ever possible w/o sacrifice? Are deaths essential? Can such a world only emerge from the ashes of the previous destroyed? What sort of peace will it be if it was obtained only by sacrifice? How long will such peace last if it ever comes? Peace in a world. It just sounds like a joke somehow. Flip the papers and take a look for yourself. How much hate exists. What causes Hate? Human nature and basic instinct of survival? The basic law - survival of the fittest? The world is in turmoil. The planet is dying. Humans are fighting each other. Bombs are being set off in the world, innocent children are dying. Just look at the papers, at the recent bombing event. The carnage, the blood, the deaths. Is it fair that some have to suffer for the deeds of others? Why are ppl fighting in the first place? Why? Why must there be so much hatrad, so much pain? Why can't people open their eyes and realise... that no matter what differences are there on the surface, everyone is the same deep down? That all humans, despite race & religion, are made of the same carbon matter. Everyone is someone else's child. People get hurt when people die. Is war really necessary? Why the fuck do ppl fight in the name of God? Why do ppl fight for so-called peace? Don't they understand that by fighting in the 1st place, they are violating the very essence they are fighting for?? To obtain peace, u gotta disrupt the peace. Doesn't make much sense, does it? Makes me wonder... how sane everyone is afterall.

I speak such words, yet I still fall prey to the very vices of this world. I harbour evil thoughts, I do things that I regret afterwhich... things that hurt another person. Can I ever practice that which I say? Can my will ever be strong enough to wait before acting? Frankly... will I ever be saved? Whoever is out there, save my soul... my very existence. I am ashamed of the things I do, yet I continue doing them. I am aware of the things I do, and yet I do them.

I am but human afterall.

Shady self-destructed @ 08:50


Yet another week hath passed w/o much accomplished... as predicted by atashi. Itz the weekend once again and I've slacked the past week. Starhub Cable didn't call =( Gotta force myself to start flipping papers come Monday - yeah this is what I always say weekly but fail to do eventually. Well... I just got home around an hr ago. Went down to meet Radin & blur for food (darned Radin. I jio him out for supper, he said he ain't allowed to leave the house... blur ask him out, he comes out). Prata w/o egg sux big time. The bird flu betta be over soon so I can get my f**king eggs !!~! Itz been quite sometime since I had a sunny side up and I miss having eggs in my instant mee /omg. Itz all about eggs huh? Took it for granted in the past. Guess u wouldn't know how much u need something till itz really gone. Such is human nature. When things are around, we take it for granted. We only regret that we didn't treasure it only when itz no longer existent. I believe eggs will be back on the menu someday though. Unfortunately, not all things are like eggs. Somethings... when u lose them, they are gone forever... leaving behind nothing but memories & scars. Scars that never seem to heal completely despite the passing of Time - the perfect healer (yeah rite).

Bolton Wanderers 2 Manchester United 2. The last 2 goals were hilarious. If you've watched it, u would agree. I just wanna know, what the f**k is wrong with Man Utd? They kept losing posession, crosses were not connecting, the attacking was lack lusture, the defence was unstable, the midfield all over the place... bottom line, they sucked. I never thought I would say this but Man Utd sux, now. If they ain't gonna do anything about it, they will never come close to the Premiership this season. Arsenal, on the other hand is scary. They scored 3 goals in such a short period of time. Liverpool won their game too. Man Utd... *sigh* I wonder why Ferguson didn't bring on Ronaldo earlier in the game. Hmmm anyway, there's a Champions League matchup come Wed nite... against Lyon. I wonder how they'll fare. I wonder if I'll remember to watch it. /gg The passion regarding soccer hath long gone... now itz just a mild interest, not a dying obession like it used to be. Kinda miss the excitement though.

Well... anyway the entire of last nite was spent with pero, till today evening when he left the house after I woke up. I wonder why he didn't leave earlier - since it doth seem like he woke up hell lot earlier than me. I woke up at 5+ in the noon. Itz a wonder that he didn't bore himself to death while I was snoozing away dreaming of Pheeroni & hodes. F**ked up dreams. Think I ROed too much. Oh yeah, Alvin came down to look for mi last nite too, when I was slacking at the void deck with pero. He didn't seem happy to see pero with mi and pero didn't seem happy when Alvin pulled mi aside for a talk. Gahhhh why can't they just both talk together instead? Anyway, Alvin wanted to come over to my place, I didn't let him. Itz just pretty uncomfortable and not to mention, he doesn't seem to be able to keep his hands to himself when he sleeps -.-" I really wonder what the fuck goes on in his mind, since he is alredi attached. Can't he just stay faithful to his gf? Guys /me shrugx. Gives mi the motivation to stay single manx.

Ah fuck it. I should really be turning in though I am still wide awake and starting to get hungry once again. At least I resisted the urge to RO. There's a D&D game on tml 2pm at Serene Ctr. I wonder if I'll wake up in time for it... perhaps I should get some food.

Shady self-destructed @ 06:42

Friday, September 10, 2004


Took the risk & met an IRC friend in the midst of the nite for the 1st time. I've met net friends before, though very very rarely - but never once this late at nite. Icy_Biker was his nick. Just chatted with him online for a very short time, he mentioned the he rides a Phantom and asked if I wanna go out for a ride. Since I had nothing planned the entire nite, I thought, hell why not. Was juggling with the issue whether to bring my SP out or not. Eventually, decided to just leave my SP at home. 1st time I rode pillion on a Phantom. Interesting. I never knew that bike could go this fast... den again... it might just seem fast *shrugx* Davian (thatz his name btw) said that he only went up till ard 120kmph, but the wind pressure seems stronger than that when I was riding at 120kmph. One thing about riding a Phantom though, end up with an aching butt and semi-cramped legs. Ain't as comfortable as it seems to be. The cornering sux big time too... gotta slow down alot and the bike tends to wobble quite a bit. Anyway, didn't really do much except riding around & meeting his friend at Chong Pang for a drink. His friend rides an RD350. Interesting - never knew anyone who rode that b4. When I got home, I popped over to check on my baby at the carpark. Saw that there's another SP there, parked in the lot I normally park -.-" Nice paintwork manx... though I must say I don't really like the color combination. Was wondering if the bike belongs to someone who lives this area, checked the season parking ticket thingy & realised that that fella actually lives @ Telok Blangah Crescent. Hmm seems like mi and shifter are the only ones riding an SP here. Speaking about season parking ticket, I'd betta go display mine b4 I get a fine manx -.-" Put where and how I have no f**king idea as yet. Troublesome. Perhaps I shall just park it on tha pavement nxt time.

Shady self-destructed @ 07:37

Thursday, September 09, 2004


Just deleted aegis-RO from my PC manually - can't seem to find the uninstaller & can't seem to remove it from control panel either. Anyway, reason for deleting it, am trying to install ROworld rite now... yet another private server. Jonathan sent mi the URL for it earlier. Hmmm the instructions for installation is pretty weird, they didn't seem to mention anything about patching the original clients b4 installing the server patch. Heh, I did say that I was gonna take a break from RO, didn't I? Well there doesn't seem to be much of anything else to do except RO. I hope this server is much more populated than Shazz. Shazz is kewl, but there seem to be too few ppl online... those that are, alredi have their own alliances. Not forgetting, WoE is fuckin' boring with so few active guilds. Hell... the Apocalyptic Assassins owns almost every guild base thatz occupied in shazz, thanx to xgranduaraxz - a lvl 102 sniper (one of the highest in the game, with exception of the GMs). Even guilds that own their own base fail to place guardians. I was with Assassin of Darkness yesterday afternoon, we attacked a castle owned by Kuro Anantusha. There were simply no monsters to fight. All we had to do was make our way down to the Emperium room, and destroy the Emperium -.-" As for the unoccupied bases... too many MVPs for us to survive. lolx. Ookie, I just installed the game and logged on. There are only like 6 ppl online... great. Playing an mmorpg alone is just pretty dumb, think I'll just go play offline games in the meantime. Shucks that I don't have The Sims Vacation. Finally got the motivation to reinstal TS and realised tat I am one disc short. lolx perhaps I shall just instal the rest and skip Vacation and just start new families ehx? yeah... maybe ~

Shady self-destructed @ 12:47


Hmmm... Poland 1 England 2. Interesting. Shame that I didn't watch the match though. Ah well, went into JB last nite, as a pillion rider. lolx. No idea why but I just don't think itz safe for me to ride on tha roads in M'sia. Actually, I'll hate riding on unfamilliar roads. Ah well, met up with Zen & Ben @ a coffee shop along Serangoon road and let Zen take my bike frm there. Heh went down to Radin's place to look for him. I wonder why does he claim that his room is messy when mine is so much more worse? Why, huh, Rado-chan? Anyway afterwhich met up with Alvin, Ben & Alex at the M'sia checkpoint. Hahah yeah, Alvin came eventually. He just told his gf that he was going home and well, he came =P Went to adjust my baby's fork and yeah, got my own seat back... the bike doth seem slightly lower now /gg Gahhhh Ben got stopped at the checkpoint for a spot check. I wonder how did it end up. The last time Alvin called him was around 5am, when we were at the food court across my block. Apparently, Ben was still at the checkpoint. Got quite a lot of cigarettes found on him -.-" I hope he got away w/o much trouble. Well, Alvin was at my place last nite. Poor gf of his. I knoe I'll flip if I find out that my bf is actually sleeping over at another girl's place, alone. lolx. Ah well... /heh

I wonder if Starhub Cable Tv will call. I hope they do. *fingers crossed* Training is supposed to commence on Monday so I guess, if they don't call by today, I should really start flipping the papers soon - this time do it instead of merely intending to do so -.-" Today is gonna be yet another boring day with nothing planned. Lette mi think... oh yeah I'll do the data collection for Radin's project and type the thingy tml. Shouldn't be a problem. 700 words... and itz music - genre of my choice!!~! Up The Irons!!~! lolx.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:21

Wednesday, September 08, 2004


I brought my baby home. Hmm almost everything is settled, with exception of the brake lever. According to my cousin, I gotta change the entire thing if I wanna fix that. Since it doesn't pose much of a problem... ah well, just leave it then. As for the interview. It went okay I suppose. The interviewer was a kinda demanding though - the way she speaks and all that. Gahhhh I should say that she's a bitch. But ah well, this kinda woman. She knows what she wants and she ain't afraid to say it and she has authority. One up for feminism!!~! Whether I get the job or not, am still unclear. She would contact my job agency if I am shortlisted. *shrugx* Well anyway I was intending to take my bike back tml, but since Alvin was on MC, he came down to pick mi up and brought mi to go collect my baby. Might as well huh? Itz a pain riding back down but I gotta do it sooner or later... so instead of waking up tml and getting changed all over again... ah well =) Heh, yeah for once I ain't procrastinating that badly.

Well... should be going in JB later. I dunno who is gonna bring mi in though. Ben sending Zen to take his Aprilla then they're coming down to pick mi up. Probably I'll ride my bike down to Zen's, leave it there and either he or Radin gonna gimme a lift. Heh... if I wonder if I can get outta riding my bike altogether, am feeling kinda lazy to do more traffic squeezing :P Well the initial plan was that Alvin pillion mi down. But somehow his gf found out about it, she called mi earlier and said that Alvin won't be free tonite... hence not going. pfffttttttt thatz the worst lie I've ever heard. I bet a million bucks that Alvin is free, and he wants to go, just that his gf ain't allowing him to go down. Not to mention, her tone of voice ain't that nice. Jeez, if she ain't his gf, I would have ticked her off. Typical female who is concerned about her bf going out with other gals. Lack of self-confidence probably. And she hasn't seen me b4. Ah well... think I should understand since I don't exactly like my boy going out with someone else either. But I keep thinking... if my boy wants to lie to me, he can do it very easily so I should be thankful that he informs mi on where he's going and who he's going out with huh? *shrugx* That little cow. One down for feminism defnitely.

Shady self-destructed @ 19:15


Current Status: Fuckin' bored.

Think itz time for me to move on. RO is starting to get boring now. Everyday itz endless levelling and levelling and levelling. My assassin is at lvl 82 and itz still fuckin' weak. When I get mobbed, I die. Itz as easy as that. I wanna go hunt MVPs, but it seems so difficult to find a party to go with me... going alone is tantamount to suicide & that'll be just plain dumb. Ahhhh well... mmorpgs. I wonder if there's a game that I can play alone and not get bored. Eeps I'm supposed to reinstal The Sims but am sooooo goddamned fuckin' lazy. Need to go for an interview later as well. Haw Par Centre, wherever the fuck that is. *shrugx* I'd betta get that job. Any more of this decomposition and I'm really gonna lose my sanity - not that I'm exactly fuckin' sane rite now, but u get what I mean. Boredom drives one to extreme measures ^-^

Shady self-destructed @ 13:16

Tuesday, September 07, 2004


I am on the verge of losing my temper. I need a cigarette and I'll get one when I take a bath later. Just can't wait till I leave the house liaox. Alvin just gave mi a call. He told mi Jovan has been bugging him & eventually called his wrkplace during a busy period - just to ask where he sent mi to last nite -.-" Hence he told her that he sent mi to go meet a friend around Bt Merah area. At that, Jovan told him that in future, just send me straight home instead. Itz like... WHAT THE FUCK?! Now since when does she have the right to bother where I go and what time I get home? Even my momma doesn't care and who the fuck is she to me? This has gotta stop manx. Last nite is the last time I am going out with her alone (even though Alvin came later). She betta wake up and stop all this shit b4 I lose my temper at her for real someday. When I do, itz not gonna be nice, that I can assure everyone in the entire fuckin' world. The stupid SMSes and the ridiculous fonecalls alredi got on my nerves. Calling and asking what am I doing, where am I... etc etc. Itz just a bloody waste of my phone bill and not to mention, precious concentration time. I am too pissed to continue. Gotta go down TP to meet Zen. Think I'll take my bike back tml instead. Am now kinda too seh to ride & itz gonna rain.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:00

Monday, September 06, 2004


Yet another day hath passed, w/o much acomplishment. Darin gave mi a call earlier... just to ask how I'm doing. I had to tell him that I have yet to find a job *sigh* It was a slight jolt back to reality - that I am too fuckin' lazy to do anything. Instead, it seems as if I am just waiting for something to happen. There are things that has to be done. There are things that I should be doing. But instead, the only thing I seem to be doing is staying up late at nite, going out and gaming. I keep telling myself that I have to do something... I just gotta... but somehow I just don't have the willpower to do so. Aaarrrgghhhhh can someone pls remind mi about stuff that I have to do? Itz been weeks since my baby's rpm is down, but yet I've to bring it down to tha bike shop. My intention is to bring it down later. But I have this inkling that I'll choose to sleep in instead. Afterwhich den I'll go look for Zen @ TP for some interview shit with Kelly job agency. At nite, I should be meeting Jovan & Alvin for ktv. That is only if Alvin is going. Think I'd betta set my alarm to get mi up earlier later. Am hoping to feel sleepy enuff for Zzz by 7am.

Went to watch Anacondas II: Search for the Blood Orchid earlier today with Jovan. The movie blows big time. The only thing I can seem to remember are the screams of characters in the movie. Not to mention, screams frm the audience itself. Itz a movie with an uber shallow plot, irritating characters & annoying storyline. Just imagine, those stupid ppl go into some forest to look for the blood orchid - that supposedly contains this thingy that will help extend lifespan. Greedy greedy humans. As expected, something screws up on the way, leaving them trapped in an area filled with huge snakes. Its mating season so there're like snakes all over the place. As expected, the snakes attack the humans. Duhhh wouldn't u attack someone that invades ur territory? The humans run and run... and run. Eventually they manage to somehow kill all the snakes. Doesn't make much logic does it? And it sure doesn't improve my perception of humans. Going somewhere they don't belong, disrupting the natural cycle of life. Once again, it reminds mi of the pathetic state of this world. Forests being destroyed, the seas being polluted and the sky being invaded by humans. Destroying the very planet that sustains them. Murdering creatures that are meant to be on the planet in the 1st place. Wildlife, plants... even the very environment are casulties. Well, nuff said. I hated that movie.

Afterwhich it was supper at Hotel Rendevous' Kopitiam. Alvin came down to join us for a drink. Yesh... I am still uncomfortable with Jovan around. She doesn't seem to give up and she keeps treating mi like her gf which is totally WRONG!!~! Earlier, Alvin gave mi a call when I got home too. He asked mi if I knew that Jovan was after me. I told him I did and he asked y I didn't give her a chance. Well, duh, she's a girl no matter how much she tries to be a boy. And all that trying just doesn't make it much better. Itz just like trying to be someone u can't... someone u are not. I dunno. Then Alvin told mi something that made a huge question mark pop outta the back of my head. He asked if he's the one interested in me, would I give him a chance. Now, what sorta question is this? Then Jovan had to SMS mi asking if Alvin was still disturbing me. Okay... now what? I just dun wanna find out that they're having this stupid bet to make fun of mi. Not like what Jian & Min used to do. It got me pretty annoyed back then and I'm certain that I'll be annoyed this time round too. Gahhhh watever manx !!~!

Back to RO. Managed to get pero to play shazz as well. Itz just a pity that he can only play on weekends. Weird that he chooses to create a swordie this time round as well. Ah well... since Rei is now a widow, perhaps I'll ask him to marry me. muahahahaha !!~! /heh

Shady self-destructed @ 06:35

Saturday, September 04, 2004


Went for my graduation this morning - it was a bore... not to mention I was uber uncomfortable with the gown + hat. Heh... I didn't read the graduate's handbook b4hand and turned up in jeans. Apparently I was the only one who did that. Thankfully they didn't turn mi outta the place coz I was supposed to be in a white blouse & skirt. Gahhhhh. Anyway, guess this is the last time I'm gonna see a few of my coursemates. I'll miss some of them. The rest, I don't even speak to, so I dun really give a shit. lolx. Found out today that I actually know Jude's brother frm Altivo years ago. Such a coincidence. Too bad my parents didn't bring a camera down. I would have loved to take a picture with my project groupmates for keepsake. *shrugx* Singapore may be a small place and our paths might cross in the future... then again, it might not. I never realised that after all this while studying together, I've started to grow fond of some of them. I'll miss those dayz. Yeah. Den it was off to dreamland after lunch.

This is the 1st and last time I gonna turn up for movie exclusive's outing... unless I manage to find someone to accompany me. Yeah they did find someone to pair up with mi for the tix purchase but guess what? They seated mi so far away frm Malao & ellone. We were like 3 rows apart? Gosh, I mean... they knew we were friends, why didn't they place us closer together or something? Whatz worse. The person whom I'm paired up with is a real weirdo. He didn't even enter the cinema at all -.-" Hm... I wonder who I owe the $7 to though. The Garfield boxers are pretty cute. Heh, at least I got it /gg Ah well... anyway Garfield is funny, slightly betta than what I expected. Yesh, itz yet another movie w/o a plot but at least it made me smile. Too bad the laughter didn't come though. Been quite sometime since I last laughed. I wonder how it feels =) Looking at Garfield really reinforces my thought of getting a cat. I love felines. But not at tha moment. If I get a cat, my mice will die. Heh, not that I am damn close to these 2 vermin - they were bought for me as a bday gift after I told myself never to keep any mice again (after all that heartache when they died). Yeah I do miss my ol' batch of mice. They were so friendly. Itz a shame that their lifespan ain't too long. Ah well *shrugx* memories =)

After the movie, went down to Mad Monks. Well... met quite a number of ppl I know over there but it was a boring night. The music didn't really captivate me and it was too quiet. Anyway, joined Radin, Zen & Hannif @ Geylang after I got home. Haha yeah was still under tha influence of alcohol but that wore off pretty quickly since I didn't drink too much tonite. Hmmm I must say, the gals at Geylang are rather pretty =P Anyway, Alvin came my place to look for mi after I left the house -.-" Duhhhh why couldn't he have called b4 he came over? Weirdo. I have no idea why was he looking for mi as well. He didn't say. Guess it should be coz he was passing by while going back home, since he lives pretty nearby.

Well, Radin noticed that my brake lever was dented. Gosh. I never noticed that !!~! For certain, it wasn't there yesterday!!~! If it was, Alvin should have noticed it when he took my bike for a test run in the carpark. I wonder wtf could have happened. I didn't realise that the brake lever was outta shape till Radin pointed it out to me -.-" For certain, it wasn't me who dropped the bike this time!!~! This sux manx. My baby is being pretty badly battered up as the dayz get by. I hope he bears with mi till I get him down to the bike shop for a checkup and makeover. Arrgghhhh I hate it when stuff happens to my baby. T.T

Shady self-destructed @ 07:33

Friday, September 03, 2004


I am so sleepy. Itz 7:26am, have yet to sleep and I gotta be at SIM by 9am. Yesh, for that stupid convocation ceremony. I can't picture myself wearing that dumb square hat and the robe -.-" The speech/talk will be a torture. And it is a pain to take a 50min bus ride down. My initial intention was to sleep. Yesh... sleep a little b4 I get my ass down. But Alvin gave mi a call around 3+, shocking the hell outta mi when my fone rang and asked mi down to Telok Blangah for a little slack around. Since Edmund is there too, and I haven't seen him for quite sometime, I agreed. Uh huh, Jovan was there as well. Hmmm the ride did me good though. At least I got him outta my head for a bit - till now. After sitting down for around an hour plus, we left. Well... I wanted to just go home and continue RO, train my mage a little, now that blur got mi a Berzebub card (thanx manx). But noooooo... I went for a joyride instead. From Telok Blangah, I could have just took a direct route home. I ended up at Jurong in the end, accompanying Alvin to send Edmund back. Boy it was a long ride. Am having blisters rite now, I'd betta go get gloves soon. It'll be funny if I wear my bicycle gloves though /gg Heh ah well, at least the nxt time I'll be able to get myself down to Jurong - I hope... wasn't exactly looking at the roads though. Gahhhh was more concerned on avoiding the smoke that comes outta Alvin's Kips. I wonder what would ppl around be thinking. Err these 2 riders... mad? Early in the morning swerving here and there... one blowing the other with the exhaust, the other siaming like mad. lolx. Ah well. Gotta go take a bath and itz down to SIM. F**king hell.

Shady self-destructed @ 07:32


Get the fuck outta my head!!~!
You're invading my mind,
Intruding my personal space,
Flooding up all my thoughts...
Totally messing up my brain!!~!

I think of you all the time!!~!
I think of you when I'm watching anime,
I think of you while I'm blogging,
Holy shit, I even think of you when I'm gaming...
I don't want to think of you anymore!!~!

AhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHH...

The agony of missing someone!!~!
Itz tearing me up apart,
Itz killing me from the inside,
Itz destroying my fucking soul...
And you don't even know it!!~!

I'm going maaaaaaaadd T.T

Shady self-destructed @ 03:16


I am b.o.r.e.d. *scratches head* I think I'm in one of those sian-yet-dun-feel-like-doing-anything kinda mood. Nicky called mi earlier while I was watching Smackdown. Asked mi pop over to Hendrix since itz a Thursday nite but I turned her down. I was too sian to go anywhere I think. Arrgghhhh where did this horrible mood come frm? Anyway she also did ask if I wanna go Monks tml. I told her kewl, but I have this movie gathering (Garfield) at 9:30pm and I can only go after. She says she'll call again tml. *grinx* I hope we end up going. Blasted my own head and ears off with a significant amount of techno, hip hop & RnB earlier. Just took out my earfones for a rest. Ah well... think I've enuff of RO for now. Endless slashing just to gain exp. I'll watch B`TX while munching on the potato chips mom bought earlier. Pringles sour cream rawks !!~! Tml seems eventful. I hope all turns out fine. Heh... I might be meeting Polo as well =)

Shady self-destructed @ 01:46

Thursday, September 02, 2004


I ain't feeling too happy. In fact, am feeling real rotten.

Got a call earlier when I was in tha hospital with Alex. It was frm Adecco. Apparently there's a briefing for the job I'm supposed to take up tml at 11am. But how can I possibly turn up when my convocation ceremony starts at 10am? I can't possibly skip that, can I? Besides... my parents are both going. So I just told the person who called mi that I can't make it, but if itz possible to push it till 12pm, I'll be down. The person called the company back and told mi that itz impossible and that they'll have to find someone to replace me -.-" So I am back to square one. Jobless & looking. *sigh* Everything just seems to screw up last min. Think itz back to flipping the papers, signing up with more job agencies... etc. Life is all about $$. Thatz like so bloody superficial huh? I hate this world.

Tried installing The Sims back on earlier and apparently there's no uninstal function for my previous one? So I had to delete it manually - it aint' even registered in my installed programs. Gahhhh I hope Malao remembers to pass mi House Party back tml. I kinda feel like playing TS again. TS2 is coming out 14th Sept. I wonder if I should just drop by Sim Lim and reserve a copy 1st. I can't wait to play that. Heh... hmmm I did a backup of my data files, etc. I wonder if I should replay TS or just load back my saved stuff - that is if it works. Itz just so weird that the game refuses to load after I reformatted the PC. It ain't even on the same bloody drive !!~! Ah well... gaming. Think I'll take a short break frm RO for a bit. Been neglecting my PS2 too much. Wonder if I should just reinstal the other TS stuff b4 House Party later, to save time.

Shady self-destructed @ 21:55


Ahhhhh I'm having a splitting headache. Drank too much at Dbl O before going down to Zouk. Itz worth it though, had an awesome time at Phuture. Went down with Sijie & Jeanette. Met Karin & Angela over there. We were at mambo for a bit but when I heard that Nicky was down as well, I went over to Phuture to look for her. Gosh, itz been quite sometime since I last saw her. I missed her =) She was with Jen, Christina, Zul & Zul. Well needless to say, I just stayed at Phuture the entire way. Heh, I much prefer to dance to R&B as compared to retro manx. I had a really great time. Been so long since I last actually danced... lolx, not considering the times at Monk's - that was a culture shock (but itz fun going down there too). Amazing that I still manage to blog huh? Just had a shower and I guess I'll be watching another episode of B`T X before I call it a night. Gotta wait for my hair to dry slightly or I'll have an even greater headache tml. lolx. Hmmm managed to get to know this guy, Polo. Such a small world, he happens to be a friend of Karin's friend (Enrique). Haha well, gettting to know him was quite an accident actually. Was dancing with Nicky & Zul when it was so crowded that they kinda squashed mi into the guy... he just held mi all the way. Hmmm I wonder if I will see him again. Got his number though, but I wun call him unless he calls mi :P Ahhhh my head ~

Shady self-destructed @ 05:11






.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page



Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.

In Progress

  • Dark Cloud 2
  • Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
  • Kingdom Hearts
  • Kingdom Hearts II
  • Wild Arms 3

In Queue

  • Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
  • Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
  • Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
  • Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
  • Dark Cloud
  • Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
  • Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
  • Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
  • Final Fantasy X
  • Final Fantasy X-2
  • Final Fantasy XII
  • Grandia III
  • Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
  • Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
  • Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
  • Persona 3
  • Rogue Galaxy
  • Rule of Rose
  • Shadow Hearts: Covenant
  • Shadow Hearts: From The New World
  • Shining Force Neo
  • Silent Hill 3
  • Silent Hill 4: The Room
  • Soul Cradle [Jap]
  • Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
  • Suikoden IV
  • Suikoen V
  • Tales of the Abyss
  • Wild Arms Alter Code: F
  • Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

  • Ar tonelico II [?]
  • Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
  • Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
  • Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
  • Digimon World Data Squad
  • Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
  • Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
  • Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
  • Drakengard
  • Drakengard 2
  • Dual Hearts
  • Elvandia Story [?]
  • Ephemeral Fantasia
  • Eternal Ring
  • Evergrace
  • Forever Kingdom
  • Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
  • Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
  • Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
  • Growlanser Generations
  • Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
  • Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
  • Jade Cocoon 2
  • Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
  • Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
  • Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
  • MS Saga: A New Dawn
  • Musashi Samurai Legend
  • Odin Sphere
  • Okage: Shadow King
  • Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
  • Radiata Stories
  • RPG Maker 2 [?]
  • RPG Maker 3 [?]
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
  • Shining Force Exa
  • Shining Wind [?]
  • Shining Tears
  • Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
  • Steambot Chronicles
  • Summoner
  • Summoner 2
  • Tales of Destiny [?]
  • Tales of Destiny II [?]
  • Tales of Legendia
  • Tales of Rebirth [?]
  • Tales of Symphonia [?]
  • The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
  • Tsugunai: Atonement
  • Unlimited Saga
  • Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
  • Wild Arms 5 [?]
  • Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
  • Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
  • Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
  • .hack//Infection Part 1
  • .hack//Mutation Part 2
  • .hack//Outbreak Part 3
  • .hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

  • Grandia II
  • Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
  • Legend of Legia II
  • Shadow Hearts
  • Silent Hill 2
  • Suikoden III

Trash Bin

  • 7 Sins
  • Urbz: Sims in The City
  • Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...


+ A r c h i v e s +

02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009


+ S e l f L i n k s +

Cross Stitch Tracker

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