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Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else


I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free


Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel


Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone


No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try


Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye


Fade to Black - Metallica




Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life


Friday, July 30, 2004


Itz been a busy last few hours - went all around Bugis "pasar malam" and Seiyu to look for clothes for tha trip.  Finally settled for a converse haversack, a converse track pants, 3 shorts, 1 singlet and 2 tees.  *grinx*  yeah that was like $$ spent.  Will be borrowing my bro's digicam for tha trip... hopefully I'll be able to take care of it & I'll be bringing my GBA along too.  Anyway, I'm just gonna go get changed, and head down to Kranji MRT where the coach will be waiting.  Thatz it manx.  I'm gone.  Goodbye.

Shady self-destructed @ 19:32

Thursday, July 29, 2004


Min hath yet to respond to my SMS - I asked him to drop mi a msg when he gets home.  I hope that itz coz he's angry with me, hates me, wants to avoid me... and not becoz he ain't alright !!~!  I know I'll feel guilty if anything happens to him, coz indirectly it will be my fault.  *sigh*  Piggy was telling me that I shouldn't feel this way... that wadever happens, itz Min's own doing.  True that I didn't ask for him to feel this way, but there is no stopping the way a person feels & I am the root cause of it all.  If I didn't agree to be together with him in the 1st place, months ago, all this wouldn't have happened.  Well, I asked Jovan to inform me if Min turns up for work or otherwise tml.  At least it'll be better for him that I'm no longer around.  Perhaps it'll be just easier to forget and move on.  It really sux when u like someone with all your heart, and yet the person doesn't feel the same way.  Whatz worse than that is the person knows you like him/her and avoids you like the plague.  Thatz y I never let anyone know that I like them unless they seem to feel the same.  Yeah, I am one selfish muthafucker.  I am feeling so guilty.  Can my conscience just shut up for a while?  I ain't even sure that I'm in the wrong here.  As for Jovan, there's nothing I can do as well.  I just hope that she'll find another target soon enough & forget all about me.  Itz a really messed up life. 

Was speaking to my FL guild members earlier, regarding work skills.  Gee, I do feel kinda bad tat I ain't contributing anything to the clan - due to my extremely low lvl & lack of work skills.  If I ain't wrong, I'm the one with the lowest lvl rite now.  I just had to delete the old Kiandra.  Her attribute points were all messed up so bad that she'll prolly end up being a screwed character eventually.  It was difficult clicking the del button & even more difficult now to train the new Kiandra but ah well... I'll have plenty of time when I return from Genting.  I just hope that my guild doesn't deem mi "crappy" and give me the boot.  I created a sub account - as a work slave.  Lady Vampyre.  She works while I am playing on my main account.  Hopefully that one will have something worth keeping.

Anyway, speaking of having time on my hands.  I'll make a friendship band for Min.  Thatz the most I can do for him rite now.  I just hope that I won't end up too lazy to even cut the strings.  And hopefully I'll be able to do the strings.  As for Jian's cross-stitch.  Well... I'll be going back on my promise but, fuck it.  I am gonna do the crab and keep the crab, even if I ain't Cancer.  I just don't wanna see him ever again, with exception of collecting those VCDs and that $50. 

Shady self-destructed @ 03:52


I made my last latte & hot mocha.  I cleaned up the juice blender, coffee machine & cake tumbler for the last time ever in my life.  *sigh*  yeah, I left.  Today is my last day.  Mixed feelings actually.  Partially, I am glad that I don't have to face those dumb customers ever again (that is if my next job doesn't turn out to be F&B)... I don't have to work with fatman and snake spirit ever again and I am outta the fucking company that doesn't appreciate me.  But with that gladness comes a sense of... I don't know how to describe it.  bu she de are the best words I can think of rite now.  I ain't thinking straight.  Will elaborate why later.  yeah I just can't bear to leave that place somehow.  A place where I've been working since Dec 2003.  But I just had to.  Itz time to move on and get over it.  At the rate I am dragging myself to work daily & thinking of excuses just to not show up, itz an obvious hint that I no longer enjoy what I do and I need to change b4 I just get frustrated everyday.  Itz a huge risk.  I've said this b4 I know, but I just can't stop thinking of it.  I just hope that the trips down to Tioman & Genting will be sufficient to clear my mind of everything & that I'll be able to have a fresh start when I return.

Right now, I feel like an asshole.  I received Min's flowers today, along with the note saying that he wants me back.  I cried when I read it.  Even fatman told mi to go out and take a break.  I can't exactly type the note here, itz personal, but the stuff he said just made me feel terrible.  He said that he still loves me, that he just wants to give this relationship another shot... it took a damn hell lot to ignore all that and hurt him further.  He said he would wait for me outside Bugis LJS.  He did.  I went after work.  When I saw him, and he was looking so happy and all... I just couldn't bring myself to be totally heartless and tell him all that I want to.  I just told him that I can't be together with him and that I would really wanna be alone rite now.  Face it.  I can't bring myself to trust again.  Perhaps thatz due to previous hurts, or perhaps itz just being selfish - wanting to protect myself frm future hurts.  Bottom line is - there can be no relationship w/o trust and even if I went back together with it, it wouldn't last.  And there are no real feelings invovled.  All I'll feel is I owe him something and that wouldn't be true love, would it?  *sigh*  I just hope that he'll be okay.  He said that he'll go straight home.  I don't believe it.  I never believed it when he said that coz somehow I can just tell when he lies.  Well... I just hope.

I am such an asshole.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:49

Tuesday, July 27, 2004


Slacking, occasional working, a wonderful lunch of Tom Yam Kung w fried prawns, 4 cigarettes & chit chatting with colleagues - hence concludes my 2nd last day of working @ SR.  I'm gonna fucking miss that place, I know... but I won't miss fatman & that snakelady Joanne.  *sigh*  To be exact, I alredi miss my old colleagues & the old times.  Not exactly this batch I'm wrking with now but the previous batch.  Folks like Roy, Wenjie, Jon, Raymond, Steven, Eric (yeah Eric n his bike).  The times we shared, the arguements we had, the chilling out after work & the clubbing at Hendrix.  I wonder how is everyone doing now, especially Roy & Steven whom contact is kinda lost.  Hopefully we'll be able to have a get together session sometime soon.  Working with them, doesn't feel like working at all.  Everything we've been thru, we saw it thru together.  lolx, even the infamous "all of one, one for all" that Roy did /gg  The tribal tattoo on Wenjie's back.  The milk spill by Raymond.  The crapping ard with Steven.  Hahaha those are definitely times that will linger in my memories forever.

Well.  I am wondering what Min will do tml.  According to Jovan, he's gonna send mi flowers & stuff... and that he hasn't gotten over me.  Meiling asked me, why won't I give him a chance.  She doesn't understand that I don't like him in that way & getting attached is kinda the last thing on my mind rite now.  Getting a career started is my immediate goal (and the bike - oh yeah Colin agreed to accompany mi to check bikes out when we return frm Genting) and doing stuff for personal improvement.  I do admit, there are times when I'd love to be attached.  But... considering all the heartache, loss of freedom... etc. that comes with a relationship, I'd rather not.  Not at this point of time.  Jovan just SMSed mi that she likes me as well.  What do u want me to do manx?  I can't accept her.  Neither can I accept Min.  It'll be just unfair to Min if I'm with him and yet my heart is unsettled.  As for Jovan, I dunno.  I am confused.  Jovan is a "she".  I don't like her in that way as yet, but I don't deny that I think of her at times too.  This sux big time.  I don't even know how to respond to her SMS except with an "ookie" and "thanx".  I know, that is a fucked up answer, but thatz the best I can do at this point of time.  I was hoping that she wouldn't confess... but she did.  Well, I do feel a certain extent of guilt.  Guild that I am unable to return the affections ppl have for me.  But... I don't knoe.  I can't exactly make myeslf like someone, can I?  Maybe I am just selfish.  I don't want a relationship coz i don't want to get hurt.  It hurts like hell manx...  pffffttttt...

Jian is pissing the hell outta me.  I've alredi deleted him off my Friendster & along went the testimonial as well.  He is taking a super long time to return my VCDs (which don't belong to me in the 1st place) and he doesn't seem keen in returning me the $50, claiming that he's a little tight at the moment.  Fuck it manx.  Thatz his problem, ain't mine.  He's a little tight... uhm and what about me?  My future is uncertain, I am going overseas for a trip, I'm going to buy a bike.  Thatz gonna be a huge drain on my finances.  I think I do need the $$ more than he does.  Granted that I have savings, but those are gonna be used to buy the bike.  What am I gonna survive on in future w/o a paycheck?  Grass, rainwater & air?  Fuck it manx.  He's gonna fucking rot in hell for this shit & I hope he does.  Of all the times he confided in me, those dreams... etc.  Thatz just his retribution.  I hope he gets more of those.  Till he returns mi my $$.  If not, I seriously curse him with a fucked up life thatz suitable for a fucked up person like him.  May the devil save his worthless, irresponsible soul...

Shady self-destructed @ 23:47

Monday, July 26, 2004


Itz fate manx.  I set my alarm clock ready for work.  It rang.  I woke up but somehoe I turned it off instead of setting it slightly later like I always do.  When I woke up again, it was just past 10am.  I would be super late for work, if I went.  I made a less ear-straining choice.  I didn't turn up.  I asked my dad to call in sick for me.  *nod nod* I understand, that means I've gotta spend some precious moolah to visit the doc again later... but, better that than facing the fatman @ wrk or listening to one of his lectures.  I'll go to a polyclinic later.  At least itz cheaper.  I just hope that my mom dun have to wrk in the noon so she can accompany me down.  Have yet to think of an excuse.  Will prolly get the doc to take a look at my foot & since I'm there, my infected ear as well.  HmX... mom's back !!~!   Woot, there's laksa for lunch.  Kewl... I wouldn't get to eat that if I had gone for work.  *mumbles*  yeah itz Fate that kept me home.  lolx.  Sloth actually but ah well... shhhhhhhhhhh....  I wonder how the fatass is gonna handle w/o me ard to do everything in tha morning.

Am harvesting shell herb now on Fairyland.  Gahhh itz such a slow process.  Damages my tools.

Excluding today, 2 more dayz left at SR.  *grinx* I seriously wonder how long I'm gonna be jobless after and how am I gonna spend my dayz at home.  Will prolly be fused to the PC.  Or should I be looking for some part-time evening jobs to keep myself alive b4 I get anything permanant?  Well... I'll put off decision making till after I return frm Genting.  Anyway, I hope not to smoke at all today.  I wonder if I can make it.  I tried yesterday... but failed.  w/o smoking, I just feel this huge irritation inside me, like I am so angry - just that, I have no idea what I'm angry about and how to get rid of that anger.  I perspire non stop & I just felt rotten on the overall till I went for a puff eventually.  I survived 1/2 a day yesterday.  I wonder how long will I keep this up today.  It'll be easier today since I ain't gonna go buy any cigarettes and I ain't gonna meet anyone who is a smoker.  Meeting Sy later for dinner & a "walk" at beach road.  Itz gonna be a lazyyyyyy day.

 

Shady self-destructed @ 10:54

Sunday, July 25, 2004


It happened once again.  My "nap" evolved to "sleep", leaving the PC on for slightly around 5-6 hrs.  I can't even remember what time I fought the sandman last nite.  Thankfully I didn't leave the GBA on this time, but I wonder if I had saved the game.  *checks*  seems like I did.  Though I have no idea why I'm at the entrance of Mt. Pyre.  My memory hasn't been serving me well lately - especially during the hours of near sleep.  When I get up the nxt morn, I wouldn't have any idea what I did the night b4 I dozed.  Like I mentioned previously, I sleep to fall asleep @ an alarming rate.  Perhaps I'm just too tired during the day... or perhaps itz coz I get too little sleep every nite.  Well, all this is gonna change I am sure.  When I return frm Genting, itz gonna be a slack off life while hunting for a job.  I just wonder if I'll be able to survive w/o taking moolah frm my parents.  I intend to make up my mind & get a bike when I return.  Hopefully there'll be an SP in stock by then.  If not, it'll be 2nd choice - Kips.  Den again, should I settle for 2nd best since I alredi know clearly what I want?  I should wait for the SP, but I have no idea how long will I be required to wait.  And it all depends on the cost I suppose.  If a 2nd hand SP costs near to the 1st hand Kips, might as well get the Kips since there's a risk involved when I purchase a 2nd hand.  I will have no idea what the rider did to the bike b4.  Wouldn't wanna spend even more to just repair the engine, change the piston... etc.

*nod nod* my cousin sold out 2 SPs yesterday... before I got my lazy ass down to Eunos.  Gah!!~!  He, aunt & uncle kept asking mi to get a wave instead.  And so does Shah.  pfffftttttttttttt a wave is cute but err I can't picture myself on it & yesh, I am aware of the dangers of riding a faring bike with different handling but... I don't wish to get a bike temporarily and den change bike after I become a "better rider".  Obviously I am worried of my own saftey & I do doubt the ability I have in controlling a bike, but there's no point thinking too much about it huh?  I shall leave it all up to fate den.  Just hopefully there'll be an SP waiting for me when I return frm Genting.  I wonder if I'll gamble there - win some xtra $$ for my bike.

Time flies real fast.  When I woke up, it was barely 12.  Now itz 1+ and I gotta go prepare for work.  Gahhh... 4 more dayz left at SR.  I will survive !!~!  Met up with Wenjie & Jonathan last nite, had dinner @ Outback & went for a drink after Piggy finishes work.  *grinx*  Wenjie looks real different now, more tanned, fit... lolx but some things just don't change.   Everyone still seems to get along as before.  Itz a shame that the times working together hath comest to past.  Ah well... nothing lasts forever ~

Shady self-destructed @ 13:10

Saturday, July 24, 2004


Itz Sat morning *yawnz* I should be going down to look @ the bikes soon.  After I watch pokemon.  Am feeling kinda lazy though.  Anyway, I fell asleep with the PC on & my character working on Fairyland (-.-)"  It seems like I fall asleep at an alarming rate lately.  I can just doze off w/o realising that I did - till I wake up, regardless of position.  The subconscious is operating much betta than the consciousness.  Well... since my PC is on, I might as well blog *grinx*  Wrote quite some stuff when I was at wrk for the past few dayz.  Here goes --->
 
Untitled
 
Battle scars across his face
Raven dark hair down his back
He bore the eyes of one so old
Barely 3 decades heh hath seen
Forced into battle when he was just a boy
Countless deaths on his soul
Rivers of blood spilled by his axe
Thousands of lives lost to his blade
To live a life of such is not of his wish
Tried as he might he could never leave
For hence it was his destiny
He was born and raised a killing machine
Someone doomed to live a renegade life
He can never feel pain or regret
Neither love nor sorrow
He will never have the opportunity to
Just a curious empty void
Envelops his very existence
 
The nxt one ain't exactly poetry.  Itz just text, written with ppl from my workplace in mind.  Yesh Raoof is still pissing the shit outta me & screwing up operations.  Whatz worse, there's now this new service coordinator - Joanne.  I just don't like her.  Pretty she might be, but there is something about her that makes me dislike her.  Apparently, according to Meiling & Jovan, she's been backstabbing us in front of fatman.  Perhaps itz just the two-headedness that I hate... and she just seems fake somehow.  I can't stand ppl like her.  Anyway I am leaving.  Fuck that.

Traits of Existence
 
Decomposition - the breaking down of matter into the basis of all life... and the gradual disintegration of one's mind & soul
 
Frustration - the presence of a neverending annoyance (ie. the continuous rumbling at your ears) that you can never get rid of... much as you try
 
Annoyance - a huge object blocking your way that simply refuses to budge even when asked kindly to
 
Irritation - when someone pokes his/her nose into our matters without knowing exactly what transgressed... and gives you advice unasked for
 
Thorn in Side - someone speaking without knowing his/her place... doing stuff when unecessary, causing others to look bad
 
Hypocrite - one hwo merely pretends to be your friend, stabs you in the back and tries to clean your wounds after

Shady self-destructed @ 10:21


pffffffffttttttttttttt the game lags like nobody's business !!~!  If there's any consolation at all, at least I can still play.  I just hope that the PC gets returned to normal soon.  Especially after I return from my overseas trips.

Shady self-destructed @ 03:16


Yesh!!~!  I finally managed to log onto Fairyland once again !!~!  Had to redownload & reinstal the entire thing though.  I dunno how long will my PC last this time.  The game is lagging & so is IE.  The entire page lags when I try to scroll thru it.  Anyway... betta than nothing.  At least I can play again - even though my interest in it hath kinda waned after such a long time of inactivity.  Ah well... will try to lvl up a little later =)  I wonder if I can run my Sims.  HmX... the virus ain't totally cleared, itz "dormant" now according to my bro.  I still have this suspicion that it was a hacker that crashed my PC the other time though.  *mumbles*  I just hate it when my PC screws up.  Anyway... itz my off day tomorrow so I intend to spend alot of time gaming now.

I finally got my 2B license!!~!  Am gonna go down to my uncle's bike shop with my god-bro, Zen, to take a look at the bikes tml.  Well, ain't too sure if I gonna get one just as yet, but I guess I will keep my options open.  Phew.  I can't describe how I felt yesterday morning.  When the results were out, I was hoping that my number wasn't called and when it wasn't I couldn't believe tat I actually passed, till I got the paper back.  Not to mention, I was grinning frm ear to ear.  I am just so fuckin' glad that I finally got what I wanted.  My 1st goal hath been attained.  I made a promise yesterday though... to go down to the temple & church if I pass.  I intend to keep that promise, even though I don't exactly believe in God.  Itz just that, a promise is a promise.  I'll pop by the temple & church b4 I leave for Tioman.  Wonder if I'll be able to get a bike b4 then.  I would love to try contact those ppl selling bikes online, but being a new rider, I am not too sure how to check a bike so I think I should not?  I just hope that I like what I see tml.  My cousin says he has an SP in stock.  I just hope it wun cost too much (inc. insurance).

Additonal goals:

- cut down on daily cigarette intake
- quit smoking

Yeah, I did make a promise that if I pass, I'll quit.  I did say that the pack I had with me that day will be the last one... but I broke that.  I just couldn't resist.  But I'll quit.  This I swear.   I'll be going for my final practical nxt week.  An f.o.c. course held by SSDC. Espressway riding.  I can't wait =)  Frankly, I am afraid to ride onto the road w/o an instructor, w/o that L plate.  But I believe I'll get over that fear.  I just can't wait to get my SP and get it painted the way I wanna.  I have yet to tell Desmond or Bernard about my passing.  I just wish to show it to them.  I hope Colin doesn't blab *grinx*

4 more dayz left @ secret recipe. 

I'll miss Jovan.  If she's a guy, I'll actually fall for her.  I just hope I won't rite now.  She treats me pretty well & I am starting to think of her.  This is scary.  Well... follow my heart I guess.  I'll see how things go.  Now for Fairyland.

Shady self-destructed @ 02:56

Monday, July 19, 2004


Great, my PC was reformatted last nite.  Tried to get back online and immediately got attacked by viruses.  Now my offline Sims can't work, I can't play Fairyland either.  My bro installed a firewall that allows mi to come online for short periods of time... but I can't stay long coz I might get attacked by goodness knows what anytime now.  Pek chek.  The virus hit my PC on Sat, when I was blogging halfway.  Needless to say, I didn't save anything.  Am pretty frustrated that I can't get back on Fairyland.  I hope this problem is solved asap.  For now, guess I'll just try to complete the games I have on the PS2 & pray that my clan doesn't kick me out due to inactivity. 
 
Went to remove my navel stud earlier to clean it up while I took a bath.  It was hell putting it back on.  Started to bleed & itz all red n swollen rite now.  Think the same thing's gonna happen when I remove my eyebrow stud when I go diving.  I just hope that I'm able to put it back on after a few hours -.-"  Piercings are one hell of a trouble.  *mumbles*  There are loads of stuff that I wanna blog, but I don't think I wanna take the risk of staying on any longer.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:56

Friday, July 16, 2004


*mumbles*  Got up and spent the last few min on tha fone with Karin.  Apparently Tony told her to talk to me about instigating ppl to quit SR.  Obviously I'm stated that I'm innocent & hopefully no one backstabs me or anything.  Granted I did ask ppl to leave, but itz only Piggy I've spoken to, the rest of the ppl are n.o.m.b.  Seems to me like there's alot of backstabbiing going on in the company.  Someone is telling things about me that I didn't do.  As Raoof doesn't seem to be taking any action, I asked Karin to ask Tony about "poor performance" instead.  Hopefully I'll get a satisfactory answer soon.  True, I don't wanna talk to Tony.  He's the kind of person who imposes his point of view on u, and excepts that u accept it w/o listening to what u have to say.  If he doesn't want to listen to what I have to say, why even bother talking?  Frustrating manx!!~!  Kenna this kinda thing early in the morning.  If only Tony is more receptive, it'll be easier to push my point across.  Bloody muthafucking s.o.b.  Am still thinking, who is the asshole backstabbing mi in the company?  I have a feeling that itz someone "close" to me, but who?  I betta watch my own back for the rest of my duration there.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:34


Phew!!~! FINALLY managed to logon to do some blog-updating & to check my yahoo mail. Am still unable to check my hotmail though, wonder why *mumbles* All this while I've been entering my thoughts into a notepad file instead. lolx. Complained about my IE problem to Malao & ellone but when I tried to show them what exactly the problem is, somehow, the problem disappeared & I managed to login. GAH!!~! Obviously I was at a loss. Uh well, think I'll give up on Neopet's plushie tycoon. Or rather, now that I'm so addicted to Fairyland, I doubt I'll even play any other game - with exception of pokemon on my GBA during break time & just before I drift off to dreamland. HmZzz... well very soon I'll have all the time I want in the world to game. Colin was suggesting to me, asking me to submit a new resignation form, for me to leave earlier. I am pretty unwilling to do so, since fatman was saying that he might be able to fight for my svc points if I can prove to him that I deserve them. Frankly, I don't give a shit about the extra $$ (though it'll be kewl to have them). What I am unhappy about is Tony blacklisted me with 2 words "poor performance". I believe they own mi an explaination for that. Being continously late isn't = to poor performance, is it?

Speaking of being late. I was super late today. My shift was supposed to start @ 10am but I turned up at 11:37am instead. Gosh. My alarm clock just ran outta battery & I forgot to set my handfone alarm. Woke up at 10:47am, dallied around a little and took a bus down to wrk. Not to mention, I had a earful frm fatman. I don't blame him for that nagging but I believe that some of the stuff he said was totally uncalled for. He said that he wouldn't buy the excuse. I argued with him and told him that firstly, it ain't an excuse but a reason, and that I don't expect him to believe it... but what more can I say if thatz the truth? He kept saying that he understands but he won't accept it. Uhm... what hogwash is that? Why doesn't he just shut up!! He talks for hours w/o end. Am doing closing with him tml, I dread the thought. Oh yeah, he went on further to say that he doesn't care what staff did the night before, ie. drinking, so as long as they come to work on time. Fatman said it in a way machiam I went drinking or wadever and I couldn't wake up as a result. Fuck lah, I was gaming. So? But I normally wake up if the damned alarm rings!!~ Whatz worse, Colin didn't open up till 11:30am & fatman put the blame on me. He said that coz Colin had to double up and cover my duties, he didn't manage to open tha shop on time. Frankly, at times I doubt Colin. Did he use my lateness as an excuse to cover his own ass? I don't trust him totally. As what Amin cautioned me just yesterday, evaluation of staff - 80% comes from the supervisor directly in charge of you. Yesh, Colin may seem nice on the surface, he'll prolly be nice as a friend... but how trustworthy is he? He might be a two-headed snake for all I know & past incidents have proven that he is capable of deceit & turning ppl against each other. I am wrking amongst enemies manx. Fuck it, am leaving anyway.

Malao did a tarot card reading for me earlier. The celtic cross spread was a little worrying... it said something about the loss of a friend/loved one, that will bring me pain yet inheritance in the future. It also suggests that I will face a long road of training & that I need patience. Itz pretty accurate as all the readings were about monetary stuff - I keep getting the pentacle cards. My career is my primary concern rite now. I didn't have any questions regarding love. Somehow, it seems like the cards know that. I don't exactly believe in such stuff but I will bear what the cards told me in mind - especially the part about needing patience. Perhaps itz just telling me not to rush into getting a job, and when I get it, wait for promotion coz it ain't gonna come too soon. I dunno. Should I continue in the F&B industry??

Shady self-destructed @ 04:13

Thursday, July 15, 2004


Today was a good day at work, fatman wasn't there :) As expected, I have still yet
to send out the email I said I would when I get home. *shrugx* It ain't super
necessary but I thought it'll be nice if I do it. Anyway, am bz burning VCDs rite
now - yeah as usual, put everything off till tha last minute. Am meeting Malao tml
and I gotta return his VCDs to him. 20 discs in total, 18 to burn tonite. Am down
to the last 3 alredi. Gosh, I haven't even had the chance to watch them all. Ah
well, there will be a jobless streak ahead for me, so will put everything off till
den. Will prolly burn a copy of Kanon & return pero's set to him when am done wif
watching. Why keep discs of anime that I've alredi watched? Ah well... I only keep
those that I think are worth keeping. Regretfully I nvr got to burn a copy of hack
sign. I adored that anime, though I must say the ending was far from satisfactory.
Perhaps itz coz I played the game & the characters were well drawn, thatz y I loved
that anime so much. Not to mention, the concept of being trapped in virutal reality.
Many more VCDs yet to watch. Goddamnit, I should just finish them all during my
jobless streak & return them to their owners. They're taking up space in my room.

I forgot, that should be another immediate goal of mine.

- Do something about this messy room. Pack it up, paint up the new CD racks, mount
them onto the walls and clear my table for my PS1. + clear my work table!!~!
- Do the cross stitch kits I've bought such a long time back.

This weekend seems to be a boring one. I have zlich plans totally, with exception
of the 1st pool diving session. I hope that I wouldn't have to remove my eyebrow
stud for that. Am worried that I wouldn't be able to put it back if I take it out.
I should request for the wide-angle goggles.

Amin (the one with the Cagiva 125) came down to SR to look for me today. Went for
a smoke & he suggested that I switch over to work at Olio Dome as compared to just
slacking around @ home. The pay for a full-timer is simillar - 1.1k, with OT 1.5x
and an additional $10 if I am wrking a split shift. Doesn't sound really tempting
but it sure is betta off than SR. Perhaps I should talk to him about it in more
detail in tha future. He also mentioned that the ppl in the company are pretty new,
so it'll be possible that I get to climb higher up the ladder. Thing is, I gotta
ask myself - is F&B the route I wanna take for the future? How far can I get in this
line of job? No doubt, F&B is rewarding despite the long hrs & shitload of work &
not to mention, stupid ppl u face daily... but looking @ my working record so far,
it seems like I stay the longest in frontline customer svc. Perhaps itz the slack
environment. Perhaps I'm just too lazy to switch... but maybe there is more to it?
Am so confused rite now. I shall spend more time thinking b4 jumping into anything.
lol, btw Amin does look pretty good looking now ;D

Shady self-destructed @ 01:23

Wednesday, July 14, 2004


Went ahead for 1 interview anyway - the financial advisor thingy. I ain't suitable
for the job, and the interviewer was right, I wasn't exactly interested in the job
anyway... she mentioned about the way I was dressed. *grinx* yeah, am still not too
sure of what I really want for a future career... all I know is I would want something
that is different frm what most ppl do, something that wouldn't allow mi to grow up
the way they did, and something that will allow me to have satisfaction with what I
do. I decided to skip the other interview, was too lazy to go anymore. All I wanted
to do was come home and continue Fairyland. Anyway, thatz besides the point. I am
kinda glad I went... even though it may seem a little like "wasting my time". The
talk I had with the interviwer, this lady Ching ching, was interesting. I am glad
that she spoke to me as frankly as she could. I do get the feeling that she wasn't
too glad to see me though & she probably thought that I was wasting her time... but
ah well, dun really care how she thinks... so as long I benefit from the process =P
I am one selfish s.o.b. ehz? lolx. But anyway, when I get home frm wrk later, I'll
drop her an email to thank her 4 her time. I think thatz the least she deserves.
Dun really care if she needs it or not, and dun really care if she appreciates the
mail but it'z something that I wish to do. Heh, I just hope that I ain't too lazy
to do it when I get home - coz it requires me to turn on my bro's PC to access mail.
And I'll prolly put all these up on Blogger since I'm at it. GAH!!~!

I should really direct more effort in searching for a suitable job rather than game
all the time, but ah well... I am just a procastinator & I am so resilent to change.
I know I have to, I just don't... want to. Well, am gonna make a promise rite now to
myself. It'll be blogged so I'd betta carry it out. Itz gonna be difficult but I
gonna stop being such a laid back little sloth. Once I leave SR, once I return frm
my Tioman & Genting trips, I'm gonna go all out to search for a suitable job. This
time, am gonna apply only to those I am really interested in. Ain't gonna settle for
part-time or temp positions anymore.

A short list at a glance of immediate plans:
- get my 2B license
- get my Honda NSR150SP
- get a makeover for the bike + matching helmet
- get a tan and keep the tan
- start exercising & get in shape
- stop procastinating & LOOK for a damned job!!
- get a job & work well!!
- start developing a sense of responsiblity
- do my very best in the job

Obviously there are more wants & needs but those are pretty secondary. I'll give
Farren a few more dayz to get back to me, if he doesn't I'll call him & at the same
time, I'll send emails to the hospitals around to see if they need someone to work
in their morgue. That wouldn't be my career but it sounds good enuff for mi rite
now. I just don't feel like working in a job that requires me to meet ppl all the
time anymore. I am so sick & tired of it that all I wanna be is - alone. Hell, I
don't think I even want a bf at this point of time. I'd rather be lonely. Yesh,
and I am finally going to apply for the Prisons Officer job. I dunno if they will
allow my tattoos but am gonna do it anyway. The eyebrow piercing will go if it has
to go. They shouldn't find out about my tongue & navel at the interview anyway.
Well... if they have to go too... they will. But no way am I gonna remove those
tattoos. Bloody hell, laser surgery. Thatz gonna hurt like mad & thatz gonna leave
scars so hideous to look upon. I have this feeling that thatz gonna get in the way
of mi & the job though. Well, too bad for me then.

Thatz it. Time for mi to do some last min tinkering on Fairyland & itz off to SR
again. At least fatman ain't wrking. Good luck Shady.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:13


Heng I went ahead to eat last nite & I went to sleep w/o waiting for pero. He put
aeroplane, didn't come over eventually. Got a good mind to just SMS him but ah well,
will just leave it. Dunno what to say and dun feel like saying anything oso. Just
can't stand it when ppl put aeroplane w/o a word. Ahhh well, I did send the SMS
eventually. lolx. Come to think of it, I did log off the PC w/o saying a word too.
But eh, it wasn't me who had plans!!~! HmX, but since it doesn't affect anything I
dun really mind too bad.

Gosh, I forgot to mention something that happened yesterday @ wrk. Jian, Min, Nic &
Sherlyn came down for awhile and b4 Nic & Sherlyn left, I reminded them that this Sat
we might be going down to Music Underground (Wenjie n I). In front of Jian, Nic
asked if I am going for Jian's bday dinner. I asked directly, what bday dinner? I
wasn't aware of anything... Jian hesitated and eventually asked if I was wrking on
Sat & if I wanted to go. Itz gonna be at Marina South. I didn't give a definite ans.
All I said was, should be, den asked him wat time was it gonna be. He hestitated
again and den told me 6+ but he he said he's gonna confirm the time with me again.
Knowing him... I don't think he'll confirm anything with me lohx. He's gonna leave it
as such & when the others ask, he'll just say that I had something on... and if I ask,
he'll just say that I didn't confirm the time with me so he assumed that I was just
not free. *shrugx* Itz gonna be awkward anyway so think I'll just pass - unless he
confirms the time with me auto. Baohui is gonna be there. Don't think I would wanna
see her as well. In fact, I dun even wanna see Jian!!~!

Damn, itz 8:42am. I have 2 interviews scheduled for 9:30am. Both at Fuji Xerox Tower.
Just that one is on the 6th floor, the other is on the 12th. If I had went for the
one at the 6th floor on Mon, i wouldn't be in such a fix rite now. Guess I'll just go
for the one on the 6th floor 1st and den the one on the 12th floor, since I'm gonna
be in that area anyway. Goddamnit, I am so fucking lazy that I feel like just giving
both a pass & go to sleep - since both are for some sales & marketing position which
doesn't really sound too right. Got a feeling that both are gonna end up comission
based jobs and I'll end up not taking them anyway. This isthe part I hate about
switching jobs - going for interviews early in tha morning *yawnz* Why do I get the
feeling that I'm gonna be late?? lolx. I didn't get a response for all the other
jobs I've applied for though... haiZzz.

Shady self-destructed @ 08:34

Tuesday, July 13, 2004


My IE is still down -.-" I really hope Mclairs is gonna come over this Fri &
fix it somehow. Itz a pain being unable to log into stuff. I can't even collect
items for my Neopets. *mutters* To think that I just started playing Plushie Tycoon
all over again, hoping to make it work this time. If there's any comfort, at least
my Internet connection is still working for now. I can still play Fairyland. I
just hope that it wouldn't boil down to reformatting. That really sux big time.

Work is just getting worse daily. My lateness is a topic of discussion once again
today. Thankfully I am quitting. I just can't stand fatman & Tony's attitude. All
that big talk about "giving ppl 2nd chances" ... etc. Pls lah, if the management
ain't a problem in tha 1st place, the staff wouldn't even be problematic. But if the
staff were not problematic, the management wouldn't come out with all this shit. Itz
all one self-fulfilling prophecy that no one realises. Fatman is a stubborn ass. He
is like all talk & no action & thinks he's just great coz he's a manager. Fuck them
all. I am outta there end of this mth. Till then, I hope I'll have enuff willpower
to do everything nicely and go out nicely. I'll try to make them miss me when I'm
gone. Den again... should I even bother??

Darn. pero is supposed to meet mi for supper but he was still at home when I ended
wrk. And now, I still see him online. I have a good mind to go ahead and eat 1st.
AM so fucking hungry. Fairyland time.

Shady self-destructed @ 11:01


Someone just caught me a lvl 1 Light Cow!!~! Woohoo FINALLY I have a cow!!~! lolx.
Don't ask what my obsession with cows is... it all began way back when I played
Harvest Moon on the PS1. The cows are just so - CUTE. Fat & round... especially
the newborn ones. If only cows were that cute irl, I'll prolly either adopt one as
a pet if I can afford it or go live in a farm with herds of them surrounding me. Oh
yeah, the person who caught it for me - Kevio. A lvl 12 Beastmaster. I wonder why
is it that he can catch the cow & other pets but Piggy can't @ lvl 17. Both of them
has equal cha (almost). I wonder if luk plays a part. Kevio caught it for me f.o.c.
pretty nice of him huh? Named my new cow Kevio Jr. after him. Hahaha I hope he dun
think of it as an insult. Itz a sign of gratitude? Affection? Heehee... whatever.
Itz ppl like this that make it even more tempting for mi to continue playing when it
goes p2p. HmmmX I wonder if my iRO account hath expired again by now. My debit card
statement came earlier & it seems like I made payment on 12 June for it. Well, I
might try logging in tml and see, but for tha time being, guess am stuck on Fairyland.
I'm addicted. Yeah sorta. Games games games... if only I'm lucky enough to land a
job that requires me to play games. Mix wrk & leisure, if u get what I mean :P

Speaking of jobs, Farren didn't get back to me. Pfffftttt... he probably forgot all
about it or thought I was merely kidding. Ah well, I'll just SMS him a reminder if
he doesn't call mi or anything in a few dayz. I just wish to find a job that is not
so common. Jobs jobs jobs... it just sux that I gotta wrk to earn $$ to survive.
Ah well, I have to do things that I HAVE to. IE is dead again btw. Thatz y I've been
using Notepad to blog & will prolly transfer everything down to blogger when I'm done.
I dunno y I even do this. I just seem to need an outlet to rant after a long day. I
just have this need for my thoughts to be read I guess, thatz y I am doing this online.
For everyone to read - if anyone is interested, tat is. I don't have the habits of
keeping secrets anyway... so I guess itz pretty fine even if I blog about the ppl who
are reading this. lolx. I just hope they don't mind even if I blog something that is
rather negative!!~! Ahhh well, nothing too negative anyway. The ppl I really dislike
wouldn't even have access to my blog. And even if they do, I don't give a damn whether
they are happy about what they read or otherwise. hiakz hiakz.

Awrite awrite, I should really get going to dreamland or I'll nvr get there. Yet
another day at wrk tml. A 9-hr shift this time, so I guess it won't be too bad even
with King Noob (a new nickname for Raoof, thanx to Nic) around. Kevio mentioned to me about him having a broken rib & that he can't sleep coz of that. I hope he gets well
soon enuff. A broken rib sux, especially if it deprives u of sleep. Gd Nitez ~

Shady self-destructed @ 04:24

Monday, July 12, 2004


Yesh, I didn't go to wrk again. I am just simply too sick & tired of wrking to go.
Everyday I wake up & I dun feel like going *sigh* This mth's pay is gonna be ultra
pathetic. I just hope that all the OT I've done is gonna push it up till around 1k.
My PC is fucking up once again. IE refused to log into sites & soccernet.com is
nothing more than a white screen. HaiZzz... Mclairs sayz he's gonna come over and
help fix it this Friday, maybe. It all depends whether his pay is out or otherwise.
I just hope that no matter what, he's able to fix the problem. My PC just loves to
screw up every now and den... giving mi worries till no end. Even now, there is a
problem with my LAN connection. Keeps going on and off... the popups on my taskbar
is driving mi absolutely bananas. Yeah bananas. Anyway, today I took unpaid leave
and went to visit my grandma in hospital instead. Had a fracture after she fell.
Looking her in that state, I really wish that I wouldn't get there someday. I dun
wanna live too long... that the end is spent going in and outta hospital. It really
sux. Well, but I'll nvr know what Fate hath planned for me. I just wish that... I
wun have to suffer b4 I die. Selfish thought, considering that loads of ppl in the
world are suffering, but thatz just me. Self-centered. One thing though, I wouldn't
wanna go before my parents. Itz gonna hurt like hell when they leave and I really
wish that I'll see them again somehow. HaiZzz... thinking about it will just bring
tears into my eyes. I am just too "soft" for my own good.

Kanon brought about tears that flowed down my cheeks once again. Episode 10. I feel
like inserting a new disc and watch 11 rite now, but I think I need a nap more than
anything else. Episode is about Swatari Makoto - the girl w/o a memory, the girl w/o
a past, who doesn't know anything but her own name. Apparently, she is the reincarnate
of a fox whom Yuuichi saved when he was a boy. Somehow, a miracle took place and
she managed to adopt human form - at the expense of her memories & her life. Yuuichi
tried his best to give her everything she wanted, brought her back to Momomi Hill b4
she just faded away. I am just a huge baby when it comes to such things... separation,
death, parting, friendships, love. It must hurt like hell. Yesh, I know this is merely
an anime, but the story just plunges a knife into my heart. Even Akiko realised that
Makoto was the fox incarnate. It was sweet, when before she departed... she called
Akiko okasan. Heh, I wonder if my mice will return to me someday. I remembered that
I cried for nearly the entire day when papa mouse died. I did wish to see him again
sometime, but I guess, that time will be after mine hath passed to. I just dun want
to go thru another heartache.

Bumped into Farren awhile ago at TTSH. Too bad he seemed to be in a rush but I asked
him to check out if TTSH has any openings for a mortuary keeper. Yeah, I know it
sounds weird but I would love to work in a mort. Not forever, but for the time being.
I am so burnt out from human interractions that I just wish for a job that pays me
for being alone. I'll volunteer to take the night shift if no one else does. Itz
gonna be scary, working with all the corpses... but well, they are dead. At least
they don't irritate me with stupid questions all the time - I hope. It'll be a great
experience & it'll give mi timeout to plan for the future. If all goes well & I earn
enuff, perhaps I'll even study while working there. *shrugx* no point thinking too
much if I don't get the job huh? I don't even know if Farren will check things out
for me. HmZzz... the fone is ringing. But itz an unknown number, dun feel like
picking it up, at least not now when I am still sniffling away. Fuck it manx, if itz
really important that bugger will call back. I just hope it ain't a job interview.

*sigh* Perhaps I should really take a break b4 looking for a new job - and change a
new fone coz I hate using this fone to speak.

Shady self-destructed @ 19:03

Sunday, July 11, 2004


My IE gave mi a scare last nite. It refused to accept cookies, hence I couldn't log into anything, including blogger, yahoo mail & hotmail. And this morning, it refused to load any webpage at all. Gosh!!~! I left a note for my bro and asked him to see if he can fix it. He downloaded an IE update which refused to be installed coz apparently itz not compatible with Win XP... yadda yadda... but somehow IE starting working by itself all over again!!~! I dunno how it happened, what went wrong but I'm glad that itz wrking again. The last thing I wanna do is reformat & the last thing I want to happen is that my computer becomes inactive, especially now that I can say I am addicted to Fairyland. I wonder how long will this addiction last.

HmZzz, now pero is SMSing mi weird stuff. Saying that I'll actually look betta with my hair long & that he suddenly thought of it. o.O I wonder if itz him SMSing or that his bunk mates have anything to do with this again. Coz the tone of the SMS doesn't sound like the p-chan I know & errr whatz with me leaving my hair long?! And Jovan just called outta the blue to... as usual, she doesn't tell mi why she called mi for. Mad ppl I got to know. lolx. *shrugx*

Itz Nic's last day today @ SR. Gosh, everyone is like leaving one by one & frankly, I can't wait to leave as well... am just looking forward to the 28th of this mth. *sigh* It just sux looking at Jian now and then. I just dun wanna see him at all anymore. So anyone, pls dun tell mi anything about him. I dun wanna knoe. Shufang just asked mi about Jian's bday party this weekend. Well... I dunno anything about it. I wasn't invited. And frankly, I didn't expect to be, after everything that hath taken place. It just seems like I was a little toy to him, only to be thrown away after he got what he wanted - company for that down period of time. Now we aren't even friends anymore. Fuck it manx. Perhaps he thinks that by doing this, he's drawing the line & not giving mi anymore hope. What he doesn't realise is, I dun even want that hope anymore. I dun even want him back. OMFG. If thatz what he thinks, he's really thinking too highly of himself manx. Granted, I admit, I still do like him, but err that like is gradually turning into dislike so I hope that all forms of contact are terminated before I start to view him in a totally bad light. And Shufang just asked mi about his bday present. I did promise him something b4... a cross-stitch of his horroscope. Till now I have yet to do it, I'll prolly have so much free time that I'l end up doing it after I quit so I guess I'll still give it to him anyway. Even though he treats mi this way... I just can't stoop to his level. A promise is a promise, if I break mine, I'll be no betta than him. Perhaps I am just too kind - as Shufang puts it "silly". At least I am true to myself I guess... I think. Whatever

Shady self-destructed @ 23:30

Saturday, July 10, 2004


Had a short chat with Piggy earlier, over dinner/supper, after wrk. Yeah he's off today but he came down to slack @ SR coz he apparently had nothing betta to do. Somehow, the conversation led from games to Life. I commented that the stats of my game characters tend to reflect my stats. Upon a scale of 10, it'll be something like Str 2, Vit 5, Int 8, Dex 7, Agi 7, Luk 3. Mentioned something about the lack of luck irl. Piggy told mi that itz not that I dun have luck or anything... itz all about my point of view. I thought about it on the way home. Stood outside at the corridor while smoking a cigratte & thought about it somemore. Frankly, I can count myself pretty lucky alredi. I am born with all organs intact. Nothing's seriously wrong with me & I have a wonderful complete family. I did shut my eyes for a while & I think, I pretty lucky to be able to see what I see everyday... breathe the night air, enjoy the cool breeze on my face. Not everyone is that lucky. Some ppl are born with defects, some are just destined to live a hard life. Itz true that I ain't born into a rich family but I had almost everything I wanted. At least, my parents tried their best to give me everything they could. I am grateful. Really. Itz just that I'm the kinda person who ain't satisfied. I compare myself too much with others - others who are betta off than me. But perhaps I should try to compare myself with others who are in a worse off situation. I am unlucky in bgr. But I have the love of my parents, and the care & concern of the ppl around me - those whom I consider friends. I am lucky to have them. I treasure them. I really do. I don't ask for much in life. I just hope that I'll be able to get a good job, and care for my parents the way they did for me when I was a kid. I don't know if I can do it. I'll try.

I have no idea how all these thoughts came into my mind. I've thought about this before. Not too frequently but at times. Perhaps I should think about such stuff more often. I am a pessimistic fella, filled with morbid thoughts & I always expect the worst. But at least, when things go wrong, it wouldn't feel as bad as when I have high hopes. Itz just that sometimes, I tend to forget how lucky I actually am. How good life can be, despite the pathetic state of the planet now & the fucked up ppl around me. Perhaps there's still good in humans afterall. Maybe we are just not totally beyond redemption as yet. We have yet to fall hopelessly into evil. Remember, when Pandora opened the box, letting go of all the diseases and bad stuff of the world... Hope still remains. *shrugx* I have no idea why I'm typing this... perhaps I just need an outlet for my thoughts to flow. I still am down with flu, thatz clogging up my mind, I can't even type as fluently as I used to. I hate being sick.

Itz the everyday things in life that we miss, that we take for granted.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:15

Friday, July 09, 2004


Somehow, suddenly, the thought of Ah Jian snuck into my mind once again. This time, accompanied by irritation & dislike... just laced with a wee bit of regret. Yesh, I regret that I ever allowed myself to enter a relationship with him. I regret that I ever fall for his charms. Looking @ the way he's treating mi rite now, I guess I was blind back then. I should have stood back and looked at things from a wider point of view - I should have taken the hints frm how he treated Baohui. I should have, not gotten close to him in the 1st place. I feel like kicking myself in the head. But yeah, it felt good at that point of time. I did feel that he likes me a great deal, though I believe that the liking is just coz I happen to be there as a substitute. He tried to forget her, he failed & now he's back with her. He did promise to tell mi if anything goes on between the both of them. He didn't. But it doesn't matter anymore. After all the goddamned promises that he hath broken, I didn't expect him to keep this one either. Just that I WANT MY FUCKIN' THINGS BACK!!!! What use doth he have for them anyway?! Itz just some contact lense solution & face wash. True, those aren't exactly too expensive, but I just dun like the idea of ppl keeping my belongings. And those VCDs. Hell, they aren't even mine to begin with. Not that I have tha time to watch them rite now, but I probably will when I leave SR. Bloody hell, my rage seems to be growing. And the $50. Thatz it, my blood is boling rite now.

Bought myself a Black Bear on Fairyland earlier. Damn. I regretted the minute I opened the capsule. Should have bought the wolf instead. The bear is, huge, fat and err stupid looking. Initially I expected that the bear will be black in color, so when I place it on armour, it'll turn the armour black. Unfortuntely, itz BROWN & I can't imagine how it'll look when I place it on armour. *sigh* I wonder if there's a way to reset pets... get it outta my party. I need coins. Am now bz increasing the intimacy of that dumb bear though. Lousy little bugger. Should have bought a ghost or wolf instead. Thatz how I always am. Impulsive.

Shady self-destructed @ 03:43

Thursday, July 08, 2004


Just looked thru tha papers. Gosh, I feel like kicking myself for not doing so earlier. Looking thru 3 dayz worth of classfieds in and hr is pure torture. Besides, there are like so many jobs I'm interested in in the Tues edition. Will be sending in the resumes anyway. Hopefully I'll get a response sometime soon. I should really get a new fone as well - so I can pick up the calls if they do come. I just hope I wouldn't stay jobless for too long a period of time. Am hoping to get some temp assignments on the way so I can quit wrking @ Secret Recipe asap. Just dread the thought of going there daily and facing those goddamned customers. Not to mention, facing that fatman. Am having the impulsive idea of submitting my resignation letter tml manx. Heard frm my mom today that my bro is alredi wrking now. At a design related job, which pays 1.4k mthly. Gosh, no way I'm gonna be lagging behind!!~! I gotta find something that pays just as much, if not more than his job does. Call it pride, call it wanting to "save face"... I just dun wanna seem useless. Friendly competition :D

Itz almost midnite and my dad's not back. I dunno when this started but he's been coming home very late nightly. I asked. He claims that he went for dinner after wrk. But since when does he do that? And why does he have to do so when my mom can easily leave dinner for him at wrk? I dunno what to think manx. I really dun wanna think too much but the horrid thought of you-know-what keeps creeping into my mind. *sigh* Perhaps someday when I have the time I'll just ask my mom & dad separately about this. Itz like he ain't spending time with my mom lohx. He comes back at this kinda hour, when mom is alredi asleep & he leaves for wrk early the nxt day. I doubt mom wakes up that early. Besides, mom's taken up an additional job, babysitting @ some hotel. Itz like, there is something I should know, and I don't. I just don't feel good. I wonder if itz coz both of them are working another job? Is the household finances that bad? *sigh* I would help if I could, but how can I if I ain't aware of everything thatz going on? I really hope that nothing is wrong with their marriage. I'll keep my eyes & ears open during my days home and observe.

More Fairyland for me tonite after the sending out of more than 20 resumes. Piggy is running away with his lvl gain. I am so lagging behind *mumbles*

Shady self-destructed @ 23:57


I am sick. Nose blocked, phlegm in throat and feeling lethargic. The 3rd symptom is coz of the lack of sleep as usual. Was gaming till the wee hrs of the night once again. Fairyland. What else? lolx. Initial plan was to go offline after completing one quest but bumped into Thay & tagged along for a little of exp gain @ slime maze. However it got boring when this lvl 43 mage joined us. She kills everything within one turn. Granted that itz ez exp, but it ain't exactly what I was training for. Was actually intending to increase my Elemental control so I could learn more spells. She just ruined the chances of me even casting anything!!~! Needless to say, I got pretty irritated so when they changed server, I just left. Teleported back to Greenville, did another 2 quests by myself, set my character to work for coins & went to sleep. Am hoping to save up enough coins down to buy myself a new pet. One with the darkness element, hopefully, coz I want a black armour ;P Made a bid on this black bear, this girl Brianne was selling for 6k. I hope she responds ASAP, b4 I spend all the coins I have on something else. lolx. Will take a walk down to the marketplace after I blog 2 check out and compare prices. *grinx* I hope this game doesn't go p2p when I really get addicted!!~! I wonder how far will I be able to get b4 I lose interest in it. Aarrgghhh had my RO on while blogging now and when I alt+tabbed back I found that I was attacked by an Elder Willow. hahaha, it does feel good playing a game with a non-novice character, but I just ain't powerful enuff yet, gotta train MORE. Gotta wrk even harder on Fairyland as well. Just wanna reach a lvl whereby I can wack solo :D

Am leaving the house soon though - meeting Sy for dinner. yeah we haven't exactly seen each other for quite sometime liaox, I wonder how much she hath changed. Friendships are really difficult to maintain. As time passes, ppl make new friends, hang out with new ppl and no longer have time for the "old bunch" they used to hang out with. Itz just that way, isn't it? Life's such. Ppl move on. Things change and relationships fade over time. I just have a feeling that after I leave SR, I'll gradually lose that bunch of friends. Perhaps we'll just bump into each other on the streets someday *shrugx* If Fate allows, that is. Anyway, b4 any of that happens, I should be going on a trip to Genting with Colin, Uncle George and Desmond (not confirmed) early nxt mth. They're going there to gamble, I'm just tagging along coz I think the Tioman break ain't enuff for me. Need a longer break to enjoy life b4 I return to the rat race. I hope Desmond doesn't put aeroplane. So at least I'll have company when they are in the casino coz I think Des ain't that huge a gambler. Heh heh :)

Bloody hell, that Jian still owes me $50 & not to mention the items that I left @ his place, and thatz like after countless of reminders. He doesn't respond to the SMSes I send.. etc. He betta return all that to me b4 my last day. Such an irresponsible fella. Dun really care if I keep in contact with him after I leave or not. Yeah I admit, there's this longing feeling for the times when we were so close, but itz over. It just ain't worth holding on to anymore. To Hell with him. But pls return me my stuff b4 he goes to Hell. $50. Am gonna need every bit of $$ after my last day with the company. I dunno how long it'll take b4 I get a new job. So far, none of the companies I forwarded a resume to have responded. *sigh* Is the job market that bad? Anyway I couldn't resist the temptation, went to take an MC today. Which means, more $$ flies outta the window. No idea if it's worth it but at least I got things done. I finally went to apply for the Visa mini debit card & got my passport extended. *nod nod* I should start to learn not to put things off to the last minute. But am sooooo goddamned lazy that I always do. When I get back, I'd betta settle my SIM graduation stuff & the monitor warranty. The papers are piling up on my table, collecting dust.

Awrite, time for a little more Fairyland :D

Shady self-destructed @ 17:44

Wednesday, July 07, 2004


I found this in my bag earlier this morning, b4 leaving for wrk. I can't remember when I wrote it, I just know that I did it during work... it makes no sense, now that I think of it. I wonder why I wrote it & I can't remember how I was feeling when I did. But I know, I shouldn't be feeling too positive. Den again, since when do I feel positive? I just feel either - negative, depressed or angry. But since I wrote it, might as well leave it here for future reference? lolx. Gosh, I have yet to create a webby for all that I have written. Someday. Someday ~ perhaps...

Life is Such...

To eat, to breathe, to drink
To survive, to exist
To hate, to love, to hurt
To feel, that you are alive

Pain is but secondary
Love never lasts
Self-awarness is that necessary
In order not to stray

Opinions of others matter not
Confidence is the key
For one day you shall die alone
And face the boredom of purgurtory

A winding road that hath no end
A journey controlled by Fate
Life is but neverending despair
Hidden and masked by momental pleasure

Shady self-destructed @ 03:42


Itz 3:15am. I shouldn't be blogging. I shouldn't even be awake now, but I am. Just finished a 3hr+ stint of Fairyland. Met this in game guy - Thay, thanx to piggy who introduced tha both of us. He seems pretty kewl. I hope I'll be able to game with him sometime in future. He mentioned that he's gonna dump that character and play a mage instead. Sounds great. *grinx* Too bad he's from another time zone, or it'll be so much easier to game together. mmorpgs are ALWAYS betta when u have a party with you. It just makes it less... boring I guess. Fighting alone is. Kinda reflects reality ehx? Itz always boring when u do stuff alone... etc. work alone (with colleagues but not friends), eat alone, go out alone, watch a movie alone... blah blah blahx. Itz scary how my online lifestyle is starting to incorprorate into my offline one. Come to think of it, hasn't it been this way for such a long time alredi? That games are no longer an alternate life, but life itself. Someday, someday I'll find a game that'll take over my entire life. Perhaps. I hope. Somehow, itz so much betta online than off. pffftttt, feeling kinda guilty about the $$ I spent on RO & not to mention, TSO. But itz like so impossible to handle that many games. I have but limited time & energy. My PS2 is so collecting cobwebs. Gotta spend some time with it soon. Perhaps the nxt off day? That'll probably be say... nxt nxt Sat, when I'll have the 1st pool diving lesson. I'll probably have no plans after, as usual, and I'll end up either sleeping away or gaming. Yeah, thatz the way it'll be. *nods*

Free time might come sooner than I think though. The end of the mth is drawing near. I'm supposed to leave SR by then... and I won't stay. My pride won't allow me to. Since now that I've told so many ppl that itz the longest that I'll be staying on... I just HAVE to quit. Even if I can't find another job b4 then. I don't really care anymore. Itz just getting harder working there. Jovan is off tml, so is Alex. I'll be so kinda alone. And itz another 12-hr shift. I wonder if I can even get up tml. Hopefully Colin will allow me to get off work at 6pm. Will be requesting for it. My physical shell wouldn't be able to take it at this rate. Am alredi sniffling. Had a sore throat the other day. Think I'm coming down with flu pretty soon, at this rate I am getting rest - or rather, the rate of me getting not enough rest. *shrugx* Itz always been the case, isn't it? At the sacrifice of my physical health. I heard news that Meiling is returning to Suntec nxt Monday. Thatz gonna suck big time. I wonder if she's still gonna be the bitch I know. I think she will. She's always been that way. And it'll just be harder working there. Raoof and now Meiling. Darn. Raoof is an asshole. A lvl 63 noob manx!!~! A noob who pretends that he's an expert coz he's a manager. He just has a knack of screwing up stuff. *sigh* Den again, he's probably just being ernest about a new job... I shouldn't really be condemning him this way BUT after all the trouble he hath caused me & after all that irritation. To hell with him. Don't really wanna give a shit anymore. Jeffrey resigned just today. Initially he gave a week's notice but Raoof told him to make today his last day... due to some customer's complaint regarding his attitude. Shouldn't a manager be more understanding towards his staff or rather, protective? SuXor.

I wonder what will I be doing this weekend. Duhhh I dun even feel like making plans. I would wanna go for a movie on Fri but I have no idea who to ask. Sat. Well, was hoping to meet pero and hangout or something, but apparently he has something on - his buddy jioed him along to meet friends who has different kinds of cars. I did ask pero if I could go along. He'll ask his buddy. I wonder if I'll be allowed to tag along. Den again, would I wanna? It'll be like meeting strangers and more strangers & I'll prolly end up feeling bored coz I ain't exactly into cars. Bikes are more of my cup of tea :D Ah well, whatever will be, will be. Damn. I am just feeling so slacky lately. At least I sent a couple of resumes out earlier, before I logged onto Fairyland. Grrr even the mention of Fairyland makes me tempted to logon for another hour or so... but I shall not. I shall take a bath and go to sleep. Yesh. Sleep is what I need rite now, even more so than a social life.

Besides, am having my time of tha mth rite now. Tio sway during work time, thankfully it was almost closing time. But I didn't bring a pad, neither was I wearing a panty liner. lolx. I had to literally bleed into the toilet bowl while Jovan went to Carrefour to buy me some. Gosh, was that embarassaing. Den again, I didn't really feel embarassased. Just found it funny. Thankfully she was working or my piggy would probably have to be the one to do it. All the more it'll be hell during work tml as my body will just ache badly *sigh* I foresee a fucked up day - as usual. Dayz are always fucked up when I am wrking... only the nights get betta when there's the PC & PS2 forever at my disposal. I do pray... that no more virus attacks my PC. I just can't bear for it to go down at this moment, at any moment for that matter. I should go find some party members on iRO another time as well. As motivation to play. *grinx* If only I can find a job that allows me to game online 24/7. That'll just be so kewl, wouldn't it? If I'm the GM of some game. lol... I am alredi starting to dream. Nitez.

Shady self-destructed @ 03:32

Tuesday, July 06, 2004


Spiderman 2 is a great movie. Yesh, GREAT, is what I meant. Entertaining, with parts of laughter & an overall tingling sadness. Well, itz another movie with a happy ending - aren't most movies like that? When the guy & the girl ends up together, both giving up something to be together. It just ain't like that in real life, is it? Mary Jane running away on her wedding day to look for Peter Parker. In real life, over time, MJ will feel the strain in the relationship... when Peter is always out "fighting the bad guys", she'll be worried. Spending time together, and he has to leave to fight yet another crime... etc. A person with immense understanding will still break someday. Logically, the relationship won't work out. But this is just a movie, isn't it? Everything is always perfect on screen. I feel for the mad scientist. Doctor Octopus. He lost his wife, he lost his dream... all he could retain was his humanity - destorying everything he hath started. And Peter's best friend, Harry Osbourn, he found out that Peter took everything he ever had. Peter took MJ away from him, killed his dad, ruined the project he invested $$ in. Could anyone blame him for feeling betrayed? For hating Spiderman? Itz always this way, isn't it. Ppl never understand how the "bad guy" feels... ppl always take the side of the "good guy". And poor Peter. The hero who everyone looks up to, he has to give up a normal life for that. Would you? Especially giving up the very person you love?

*sigh* I am thinking too much over a movie, but... itz just that sometimes I wish, my life is just a movie, conflicts + troubles, that someday someone will come save me, and that I'll have a happy ending eventually. Will I? Why is it in the movies that itz always the guy that saves the gal? Why isn't there a girl who is the "hero"? Even in movies with "female heroines", she always has a male sidekick to save her ass. Always in movies, the main characters, will always end up with someone they "love". How is it possible to fall in love with someone u just meant? Do only good looking ppl find love? What is love? With great power comes great responsibility. *sardonic grin* Even w/o power there is responsiblity involved. I don't even know what I talking about now. I shall go play some games & look thru tha papers later.

Shady self-destructed @ 12:00

Monday, July 05, 2004


Heh, as expected - I'll prolly not have much gaming time today. I just woke up awhile ago - 5:17pm to be precise & lay on the bed till uhm, now? lol. Shock shock horror horror Greece are the champions of Europe!!~! Itz Portugal 0 Greece 1. I dozed. I didn't wake up till pero came and called mi. Phew, thatz like 17 min into the match alredi. Anyway I can't say that I was paying much attention to the game... I didn't bet, neither do I support any of tha teams. Only Christiano Ronaldo seems interesting coz he's frm Man Utd and he's pretty cute. heh heh he cried after the final whistle was blown siahx. After the match, clicked ard a bit and was nodding off at the PC so decided to go get some sleep instead. No alarm was set so I slept all the way. lol... feels good. Been such a long time since I did something like this. It'll be all the betta if I didn't have plans later - so I could just stay home. But am catching a 7pm movie so think I'd betta get my ass moving. To bathe... and den down to PS. Darn, Bernard's gonna grumble that I'm late.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:38


Nothing's much up lately. Itz just that I've been spending all my time playing Fairyland. No idea what exactly is that addictive about tha game but I guess itz coz Piggy is playing it with me. Yeah... mmorpgs are always so much betta when u ain't playing it alone. My TSO credits in the meantime are ticking away and uhm... so is my account for iRO. Damn. Anyway tml is my off day, have kosong plans except to meet Bernard for a movie in the evening, so will prolly spending my waking hrs in the day gaming. Yeah, I MUST play iRO. At least get a lvl up for each character - except the swordie... that'll take too long? I doubt I'll have much waking hrs though. Itz the finals tonite. pero is supposed to come down watch it with me *grinx* He heng siahx. Normally book out Sat, coz of some event in camp he gets to bk out today den bk in back tml nite. If not, he'll be grumbling in camp about missiing tha finals. I wonder who else I know will be watching it. I've been getting way too little sleep lately.

Last nite the initial plan was to go down for the NUS bash at SOS. But coz Min was underaged we switched to Mad Monks instead. It was boring. I kinda lost the mood to club after all that waiting & decision making. Anyway, had a couple of drinks that got me damn dehyrated today + it was a 10-10 shift for mi. Min is starting to freak mi out. He SMSed mi last nite telling mi that if anyone disturbs mi, to call him immediately. Tonite, he tells mi that everything is settled & that I don't have to worry. Something about another girl being unhappy that his heart is with me. /me shrugx. I can't say that I don't care totally but itz really tiring that when stuff happens, he choses not to tell mi & tells Jian instead. Besides, now mi and Jian are like... colleagues. Nothing more. That sux big time too *sigh* Frankly I still have yet to move on. Pinky is irritating the shit outta mi - he just SMSed mi earlier saying that we hardly msg now, nothing to say... and asked mi to think of something. Thatz like DUHHHHHHH I ain't the one interested in a conversation anyway!!~! As for Mclairs, he can go disappear for all I care. lolx. Colin is starting to scare mi by saying that Alex & Jovan might be the nxt 2 who are interested in me. He's prolly making a joke outta it all but thatz like... wah lan, why me?! Thatz like... arrrgghhhh I seriously don't think that I am that attractive k? If I am, den why do those I like always ignore me? Ah well... dun wanna think too much -.-"

Was down at Breeko earlier - it was Desmond's bday. lolx, he's looking cuter everytime I see him siahx. Just too bad that he has a gal now, and Abbey is a nice gal ;P ANYWAY, think itz my career that I should be worried about at this point of time. Damn. Time is ticking away and I'm still procrastinating. I have yet to send out a single resume, with exception to the overseas tutoring stint & something Shufang recommended.... some health screening thingy. For both, I didn't get a single response. *sigh* Itz a shame that I lost my old resume. Am so fucking lazy to type a new one comprehensively coz I can no longer remember the dates or year... when did I last work at wherever wherever... etc. Details details, was never really too bothered. Perhaps I should be more ambitious & all huh? Ah well.. there is always... tomorrow.

HmZzz... Alex can't play Fairyland today, think I'll just mess around a little on my own and den go RO while waiting for the match. sore jya.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:14

Saturday, July 03, 2004


Itz almost 6am now. Just took a bath after supper after a night @ Phuture/Zouk. Great R&B music. It was a shame that I didn't linger there the entire time, there were periods over at Zouk as well - house music... something that doesn't really agree with me. Had a couple of drinks. Screwdriver + 1 tequila shot. Got slightly high but unfortunately that didn't last long. Didn't wanna drink too much though, coz tml I'll be going down to S.O.S. with my colleagues. Gosh am I gonna be deprived of sleep. I have to wrk tml at 1pm. Den after wrk, club... Sun am wrking 10-10pm. Afterwhich, it'll be the Euro 2004 finals. I hope I get an off on Monday. Request, I did. It all depends if Colin has to go for the supervisor's meeting on Monday... if he has to, then I'll have to wrk, no matter what. *sigh* I need rest manx. At this rate I dunno how much more my body can take -.-"

That f**ker Doh Ngee came down to Suntec again today - telling mi that itz "company's policy" that earrigns & eyebrow piercings are not allowed. I nearly told him to fuck off. Tell mi, which place doesn't allow their female staff to wear earrings? This is like totally RIDICULOUS. Not to mention, he claimed that he told that to me 2 weeks ago. Obviously I insisted otherwise. It wasn't me he spoke to, it was Min. That bloody idiot... how can be wanna be in charge if he can't even remember what he spoke about and to whom he spoke it to? Yesh, I do understand that he's doing such stuff coz itz his job but what I detest about him is tha way he speaks. He'll fail totally as a psychologist or social counsellor manx. The teens will definitely rebel against him. Ah wel... dun give a shit, am leaving SOON anyway. I swear, the longest I'll stay till is end of July. Afterwhich, whether I find a job or otherwise, I'll still leave. Colin is reconsidering quitting liaox... so can't really count on him.

I just HAVE to leave. If I don't, everytime I see Jian, my heart will ache. Itz a horrible feeling & I just wanna avoid it. I guess... after we leave, we'll no longer have any contact with each other and after sometime, I'll start to forget him. I just hope that when I do forget him... and we break all forms of contact watsoever, our paths will never cross again. Itz just gonna hurt. It sux. I still like him. Damn, am now feeling a little sick... prolly dehyrated after all that alocohol n dancing. I need sleep. Yeah. oyasuminasai. sore jya.

Shady self-destructed @ 05:54

Thursday, July 01, 2004


This really sux big time. My bro won't have time to get a new monitor for mi till Sat. In the meantime, am going blind frm peering @ the screen. Just when I started playing on a new game, this had to happen. It always does. When I wanna do something online, the PC will screw up. HaiZzz. I hestitated going to wrk earlier, but I still went. There's now this new cafe manager - Raoof who doesn't seem to stop talking. lolx. He has his own points of view I suppose, and he keeps asking why do I wanna leave after he found my resignation letter. I have yet to fill in the date. There's this new bung as well - Jovan. Pretty kewl "dude" I must say. No no no, I ain't gonna start falling for girls, so don't think too much manx. Gosh... my eyes find it really difficult to adapt when I look away from the screen for a bit. This sux. *sigh* I still have a damn soft spot for ah Jian siahx. I wonder why this feelings last so long... I shall stare at the screen no more. For now...

Shady self-destructed @ 22:56


I failed. 28 demerit pts. Yesh, failed AGAIN. All the points as usual, being irrelevant. Stuff like - wobbling while making a turn, wobbling while starting & stopping and blind spot errors (2 this time). Damn, without those 2 blind spot thingys I would have passed -.-" No doubt I keep getting my bike into neutral gear and had to place my right foot down countless of times when I stop, but that one ain't my fault but I guess they just gave mi points for wobbling? I dunno. I swear I didn't wobble... except once during the U-Turn, when I had to come out for a bit, the bike jerked. No biggie. But 28 points? For all these "small errors" really suck. My circuit again, was PERFECT. Yesh... no demerits there at all. So am feeling pretty pissed off. At least for the nxt TP, I'll be taking with 3 ppl I got to know yesterday - Sheena, Stacy & Zen. Heh, Sheena will also be taking her 6th time. Do they have something against female riders, I wonder? Hardly girls pass... they always come back. Damn, for the nxt TP, my tag number is: 1. Sheena's no. 2. This sux manx. I hate being the 1st. Pressure is always the greatest when it happens & not to mention, loads of free time after the damned test!!~! Was snoozing in the canteen all the way yesterday. Ah fuck it, seriously, I am kinda numb alredi. Pass pass... dun pass dun pass... Wadever. I know I did my best, and I am good enough, itz just THEY who have a problem.

YES SUCCESS!!! My 1st ever plate of instant noodles!!~! I finally cooked myself something, with exception of secondary skool home economics classes!!~! Hahah this is a pretty great achievement manx. *nod nod* Yeah, I've been a pampered kid... never once I had to cook something for myself, even late nite supper, I always asked my mom to wake up to cook for me - just that, since I-can't-remember-when, my dinner is my "supper". Cooked myself some "char mee"... hmx... the noodles taste kinda fat, but ah well, beats having nothing to eat b4 work. Yeah, I woke up pretty early today. Reason being - I went to take a nap at 2:30am before the match, and the nap ended up 8hrs long. I didn't wake up till I did earlier -.-" Checked the scores & found that it was Portugal 2 Holland 1 ... I wonder if the finals I guessed will take place. I hope it'll be Portugal vs Czech Republic. Wormboy scored last nite. Kewl. I'll be watching the encore telecast when I get home :D

My monitor is dying. Now it had horrible shades of color thatz making it difficult to look at. But I just HAD to blog no matter what. I left a note for my bro, asking him to go Sim Lim get a new monitor for me today, I really hope he'll do it. Just that I have an inkling feeling that he won't & I won't really be able to game tonite coz prolonged starring at this is gonna hurt my eyes real bad. I dun wish for my short-sightedness or any other eye problem to get worse. Eyes are... important. W/o them, w/o sight, I wouldn't wanna live anymore *grinx* Was hoping to be able to play Fairyland b4 I go to wrk and after I return lehx... such a shame.

Shady self-destructed @ 10:55






.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page



Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.

In Progress

  • Dark Cloud 2
  • Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
  • Kingdom Hearts
  • Kingdom Hearts II
  • Wild Arms 3

In Queue

  • Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
  • Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
  • Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
  • Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
  • Dark Cloud
  • Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
  • Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
  • Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
  • Final Fantasy X
  • Final Fantasy X-2
  • Final Fantasy XII
  • Grandia III
  • Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
  • Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
  • Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
  • Persona 3
  • Rogue Galaxy
  • Rule of Rose
  • Shadow Hearts: Covenant
  • Shadow Hearts: From The New World
  • Shining Force Neo
  • Silent Hill 3
  • Silent Hill 4: The Room
  • Soul Cradle [Jap]
  • Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
  • Suikoden IV
  • Suikoen V
  • Tales of the Abyss
  • Wild Arms Alter Code: F
  • Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

  • Ar tonelico II [?]
  • Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
  • Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
  • Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
  • Digimon World Data Squad
  • Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
  • Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
  • Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
  • Drakengard
  • Drakengard 2
  • Dual Hearts
  • Elvandia Story [?]
  • Ephemeral Fantasia
  • Eternal Ring
  • Evergrace
  • Forever Kingdom
  • Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
  • Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
  • Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
  • Growlanser Generations
  • Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
  • Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
  • Jade Cocoon 2
  • Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
  • Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
  • Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
  • MS Saga: A New Dawn
  • Musashi Samurai Legend
  • Odin Sphere
  • Okage: Shadow King
  • Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
  • Radiata Stories
  • RPG Maker 2 [?]
  • RPG Maker 3 [?]
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
  • Shining Force Exa
  • Shining Wind [?]
  • Shining Tears
  • Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
  • Steambot Chronicles
  • Summoner
  • Summoner 2
  • Tales of Destiny [?]
  • Tales of Destiny II [?]
  • Tales of Legendia
  • Tales of Rebirth [?]
  • Tales of Symphonia [?]
  • The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
  • Tsugunai: Atonement
  • Unlimited Saga
  • Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
  • Wild Arms 5 [?]
  • Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
  • Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
  • Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
  • .hack//Infection Part 1
  • .hack//Mutation Part 2
  • .hack//Outbreak Part 3
  • .hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

  • Grandia II
  • Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
  • Legend of Legia II
  • Shadow Hearts
  • Silent Hill 2
  • Suikoden III

Trash Bin

  • 7 Sins
  • Urbz: Sims in The City
  • Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...


+ A r c h i v e s +

02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009


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Cross Stitch Tracker

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