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Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else


I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free


Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel


Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone


No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try


Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye


Fade to Black - Metallica




Contradictory Ramblings [Version 3.0]

"Walking around in circles... seeking a place to call my own"

Welcome to My Life


Friday, April 30, 2004


Test verdict: bike unsuitable for long distance riding on Sat :( Darn, I was kinda looking forward to it... even though there'll be like 3 couples + 1 little bro & me, may feel pretty left out but itz been a long time since I gone further than ECP. Guess I just gotta SMS malao tml and tell him to count mi out - he did offer to rent bike for mi, but face it... it'll only be a hinderance to them coz I finish wrk at 11pm. By tha time I get down there it'll be like 12+ ?? The bike shop closes at 8 so itz more than 4hr wait of doing nothing? Besides... I dun like the idea of letting so many ppl wait for me. Gah!!~! malao's gonna think that I dua but I dun really have much of a choice... would have went if my bike didn't screw up. Anyway... it doesn't make much of a difference whether I go or not, there are more than enuff ppl to ensure that tha cycling trip takes place. /me kicks bike. HaiZzz... I will nvr part with this little fella though. Itz a pity that my other bike ain't with me rite now & the other one thatz with mi, I can't handle it. Wouldn't wanna end up with another broken arm. I was so close to crashing more than once today alredi. Once was outside tha National Library when I tried to put my leg down when I stopped and stepped on my friend's bike instead. lolx. Did a little of exploration @ Fort Canning Park... cycled ard Marina Promenade. Nowhere far. Hopefully I'll be able to get my bike fixed soon... will prolly wait for Jian to do it since he is gonna get his serviced as well. Afterwhich then we'll jio Wenjie to do some exploring ard tha island. Heh, sounds good ehz? I wonder if tha plans will be carried out eventually :X

Gee the stitches are itching. lolx. Time for TSO for a while ba. Am fucking hungry so am gonna eat in tha meantime. Heh... I predict another long nite and lack of sleep. muahahaha... I hope I get up in time tml. Should be watching Dawn of The Dead after work. Yeah kewl.. something else to look forward to during tha long boring day :D

Shady self-destructed @ 02:37

Thursday, April 29, 2004


The bleeding hath stopped :) It looks like itz healing. Am gonna go down to see the doc tml to supposedly clean up the damned wound. He betta not charge mi for that. I dun need any cleaning of tha wound. lolx. Famous last words of the arrogant huh? Anyway, am keeping it exposed most of the time - only tape it up when I go to wrk or go out for extended periods. No idea if I should do that, but so as long it doesn't fester, I guess it should be fine. Am going for a short biking stint in a while's time... hopefully sweat doesn't drip into the wound or itz gonna be fuckin' painful. Gotta check out tha damage done to Nicoll Highway during tha recent collaspe & see if the route down to Kallang was affected. Am going for nite biking this weekend & will probably meet Malao n tha rest directly @ Bedok jetty so it would be betta if I get my route marked out 1st... to prevent unecessary delays & embarassment :)

I am really getting addicted to TSO, at the expense of sleeping hrs. I play till the wee hrs of tha morn and end up half dead the nxt day. Ack. Much as I try to tell myself to sleep early then wake up to game, I nvr carried tha plan out. Itz scary, how an online game can keep mi rooted to tha PC for hrs. Am now waiting for Huang Jian 2 SMS mi so I can set off, or rather, get ready to set off. I dun intend to get home too late - all for TSO. Jya ne ~

Shady self-destructed @ 23:04

Wednesday, April 28, 2004


Am using my bro's PC to blog rite now, will be sifting thru his stuff to watch as well. *grinx* Well, he does have the betta PC and not to mention, sound system. All I have is a damned pair of earphones. His is connected to hi-fi speakers. Gah!!~! Itz just so unfair. Yeah the resentment, even though itz dulled, still dwells in me. I just can't forget the fact that he gets all the betta stuff in life. Perhaps itz coz he's the younger kid or perhaps itz just coz he's a boy. Then again... I think my bro will be betta in taking care of my parents. He has future plans, he knows what to do in life, etc. so unlike me. I am nothing more than a slacker who spends most of my waking hrs online - either gaming, blogging, chatting or watching anime/movies/mtvs. Itz kinda demoralizing, when I think that I ain't exactly good in anything. I don't have a skill. Jack of all trades, master of none. Thatz tha problem. I can do loads of stuff... but only on the surface, can't do anything in depth. Am still wondering what I will do in tha future, but I guess, there's no point making plans n getting all bothered about it coz I'll prolly do things on impulse - like I always do :)

My wound is still bleeding. Heh... wonder if I made the wrong move in removing the dressing so frequently. I ain't even covering it now and nopez, I have yet to resort to painkillers. I dun even think I'll need it. pfft... itz just such a small amount of pain. I experience worse every mth when I get my damned period - that I'll resort to painkillers of I have to work. /me shrugx was at an Xbox gaming shop last evening, b4 going over to bunnie's house. I must say, Xbox graphics seem betta than the ones on PS2. Then again... it might be coz they were using LCD monitors & I'm just using a cheap tele at home. Played The Sims Bustin' Out. Well, managed to contact another Singaporean in TSO, Chilly, a 28yr ol' nurse. She seems friendly enough, though not too responsive or self-revealing. Am still having difficult finding a team to pizza with in TSO - everyone seems to have their own teams alredi *sigh* Am I doomed to a life of poverty online? lolx. Then again... there are many other money making methods on TSO & I don't really need the simoleons except to furnish my place & purchase clothes. Which reminds mi... I betta get back on TSO soon 2 continue skilling & to see if Raym is still online :) Itz a pity that we have such a contradicting timezone difference. Grr the eyebrow hurtz.

I miss my mole.

Shady self-destructed @ 15:00


Itz still bleeding. ack. I wonder why. I hope the doc stitched up the wound properly... it looks pretty ugly, come to think of it - i took it off after a shower earlier. Shouldn't stitches look a little neater or something? I believe I could have done a betta job. pfft. It betta stop bleeding within the night, dun wanna die of blood loss or something. lolx. Anyway, I miss my mole. Yeah I knoe it sounds stupid, but it hath been a part of mi for more than 20 yrs. I can still remeber it lying all alone on the surgical pan after it was cut out from my eyebrow... then it got put into this container and filled with liquid. *sigh* I swear, if I had a camera phone, I would have taken a photograph of it... coz itz prolly the last time I'll ever see it. A cute (yet kinda gross) lump with hair sticking outta it. To think that itz gonna be sent to the lab for analysis, being cut up... etc. kinda breaks my heart. Yeah, am a huge baby - I get attached to things too easily. I just hope that lil mole forgives mi for what I've done. /me shrugx. Wenjie said that it'll be happy for mi... well... wherever it is right now, I hope it's okay. I still hope that I'll get it returned to me after the analysis... but fat chance huh? Doc said he'll ask but the probabilty is damn low. Darn, I should have kept it instead.

Am off tml w/o much plans. Should be meeting jem to watch Kill Bill Vol.2 - am looking foward to that movie so he betta not dua mi ;P As for the rest of tha time, well I guess I'll just either catch up on sleep or spend it on TSO... which is what I'm doing now. Starting to get a little drowsy... maybe I shall go sleep soon @ the risk of my contact lenses. lolx. I nvr expected to be staying over at bunnie's place 2nite so I didn't really prepare anything... gah! I hope my eyeballs don't dry up.

Shady self-destructed @ 02:30

Tuesday, April 27, 2004


It hurtz it hurtz it hurtz. My head is kinda throbbing rite now and the entire area around my eyebrow hurtz. I wonder if a piercing hurtz that bad. Am so tempted to just pierce my eyebrow. Yeah, I removed my mole. Damn, I actually did manage to feel the doc cutting it off & the last few stitches... the anasthesia didn't work as well as planned. Ack... and now itz wearing off totally. Gah!!~! Feeling damn high rite now. I hope tha pain is all worth it though. Soon the wound will heal & all that'll be left is a scar. lolx. I hope the scar looks kewl. I can see the stitches from the corner of the gauze... it looks disgusting but heyz knoe what? I think it rawks !!~! yeah I am a sadist :) Itz a pity that I wouldn't be able to keep tha mole... one cute furry little blob with bloodstains. Damn, shouldn't have agreed for it to be sent for examination. Well, I've bade it farewell. Itz time to move on. *sigh* I gonna miss that damned thing that hath been a part of me for so long... goodbye mole.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:02

Monday, April 26, 2004


I did it. I told Colin that I gonna convert to full-time employment instead. Will be starting frm May 1st - I dunno if itz worth it siah. Did some side calcuations, if I'm taking a part-timer's pay and I wrk say 68hr per week... I should take home more than a full-timer... that is with tha asumption of full-timer OT rate. Am still unsure how much OT I'll be getting. Hmx... an SMS just came in frm Burger, he telling mi OT rate at $5.40, if so I will get more if I wrk full-time. Can lah, so itz decided then. Am converting w/o regrets for now. I'll miss the flexible schedule and the choice of off dayz though. Ah well, itz all about the $$... and restriction of free time :) I really dun wanna get too much free-time. Too lazy to plan what to do on off dayz siah ~ rather just not get off at all and pia the entire way. There goes my life.

Shady self-destructed @ 23:03


Yet another mtv downloaded - Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful". HmZzz... itz just 2 guys locking lips, no biggie either. Wonderful mtv though. Brought tears to my eyes. Meaningful lyrics tha song hath. The mtv is about people who are classifed as "different", or perhaps "not good enough". How they dare to be themselves and realise that they are actually... beautiful - that there is nothing wrong with them being the way they are. Everyone is beautiful in their own way... they just have to realise that. Itz just the way the world is, isn't it? Stereotypes & the exclusion of the "outgroup" - how ppl tend to classify themselves into groups & how they discriminate against those who seem different to them. Itz all part of human nature, of how ppl seek to "belong" (read that in a psychology text sometime ago @ tha SIM library). I guess, the reason why I like this mtv is coz I seem to be able to relate to it. I ain't an extremist like the ppl in the video, but I have been an outcast of somekind since primary skool. It hath affected mi while growing up... I never had much confidence in myself even till today, and there are times that I wish that I could belong... but that will mean conforming & giving up everything that makes me the way I am. I am thankful of the friends I have in my life. Itz them who made mi hang on somehow. And I am really thankful that I have such wonderful parents - I knoe, I knoe... such words are so unlike me but I just feel this way now. I appreciate some ppl more than they knoe. Itz alright even if they never get to know how I feel about them. Everything's gonna be fine, somehow. I guess I'll live.

Shady self-destructed @ 02:00


Am listening to metal & alternative music rite now - placed the entire chunk of metal I have in my PC now on my mP3 play list. Listening to metal somehow makes mi feel liberated. I dunno. Itz reckoned as "noise" by most ppl, but it just feels so good while u listen to it. Guess itz just that stupid ppl can't appreciate music the way it should be :)

Shady self-destructed @ 01:07


Downloaded & watched Britney Spear's "Everytime" video. Yeah... I like Britney. Fuck. I dun deny that I like watching her dance and that she's pretty, but she's a slut. So there. Reason I downloaded it was it was labelled as shocking & controversial in TNP, due to the hint of suicide (though Britney claims that it has gotta do with rebirth)... along with some other videos. /me shrugx. Am in the process of downloading quite a few. Watched Bjork's "Pagan Poetry" - pretty kewl one with nipple piercing and piercings on tha back. Ow... I wonder how it feels like to have ur back pierced with multiple rings. No no, I won't do that, I still love sleeping properly... even now my sleeping position hath been compromised due to that navel stud (that still hurts). Ack, my tattoo itches. Anyway my verdict - Britney's new video is no big deal. I wonder whatz the problem with ppl... they like to pick on stuff. If u wanna see something disturbed and twisted, u should watch Marilyn Manson's videos. Somehow they are distorted. I love the videos. I love Manson. Yeah, u can say that I am kinda mentally unbalanced. I love stuff outta the ordinary - gothic, sadistic, controversial. There was a scene in Britney's video though, the one of childbirth. Childbirth is such a beautiful thing. The joy the mom has when she cradles her baby in her arms... itz just... wonderful. I've nvr experieced it b4 but I really wonder how itz like. Also, there's the love. Unconditional love a mom has for her child. Itz small things like this that redeems the fucked up world. The beauty in everyday things. The miracles that happen all around us, blind to our clouded sight. Anyway, Pahx. I hate children though, so I doubt I'll ever try it. lolx.

I am just one huge emotional softie. Damn. Perhaps itz just coz that my eyes are open larger than those of most other ppl... perhaps I just think too much... or perhaps itz coz I am so fuckin' sick of this world & am trying to convince myself that it ain't so bad afterall. The world is screwed. Humans are screwed. Just take a look at the news nowadayz - scandals and more... esp. the recent ones involving Beckham & just today, a Singaporean model claimed that she slept with a Red Devil. Doh. In those articles are also what models do for $$... they sleep around. Don't they have any pride? Or am I just a prude? Then again, itz their lives... who am I to judge?

Found out earlier that Desmond is now attached. I dunno how to feel about that. Disappointed? Sad? No idea. Who is he to me anyway? I dun deny that i used to like him, but I ain't too sure of my own feelings nowadayz. Like Shivak mentioned in my Friendster's testimonial... there's a space in my heart, a void... one that remains unfilled. I just hope that perhaps someone someday somewhere will take that place. Itz a hollow feeling that gets unbearable sometimes. Then again, if that place is gonna be filled, there will be sacrifices made - sacrifices that I am unsure that I'll be willing to make. I am just yet another confused fella out there alone in this unfriendly world.

Here we go
It's a fucked up world
We're a fucked up place
Everybody's judged by their fucked up face
Fucked up dreams Fucked up life
A fucked up kid With a fucked up knife
Fucked up moms And fucked dads
It's a fucked up a cop With a fucked up badge
Fucked up job With fucked up pay
And a fucked up boss Is a fucked up pain
Fucked up press And fucked up lies
Well, Lethal's in the back With the fact of the fires

- "Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water" by Blink 182

Shady self-destructed @ 01:00

Sunday, April 25, 2004


Gosh... itz almost 6am & I have yet to sleep. My shift is like 12-10pm again tml. Ah well, at least there'll be my idiotic little piggy to keep mi company. lolx. Itz so much more fun wrking with him around. Also... Amin is starting to open up and chatter more - he's such a funny guy & tha new boy Huang Jian is pretty funny as well *grinx* I hope everyone will settle in fine. Itz just more fun wrking when u get along real good with ur colleagues. I wun say that everything is perfect rite now, but it sure is getting close to being so !!~! Am contemplating swtiching over to full-time for tha nxt mth. Spoke to Colin & Karin about it and both were saying that in terms of pay, I should switch over to being a full-time staff - since I am alredi wrking the hrs of a full-timer. Itz just that, once I'm a full-timer, there is no way I can take offs when I want to and no more 6-10 shifts or more than a single off day per week. I am like 90% on tha verge of converting alredi - will give Colin an answer by Monday I suppose & the answer is most probably gonna be yes. My current plan is to wrk at SR full-time while looking out for betta jobs... when I get the chance, have a chat with Sin Sin to see if the company has any place for my qualifications... if not, after I return frm KL (that is IF tha trip is still on) and after Euro 2004, I'll go really hunt for a job - if I have yet to settle down. My path ahead seems dark... real dark. Ain't too optimistic about the future but no matter what, I just hope I'll be happy. I dun want my career to screw up as badly as my relatkionships, neither do I want it as pathetic as my social life (though this is satisfactory).

I went for Angela's "party" at Dbl O earlier. Do admit, I was pretty bored, coz i didn't have many friendz ard except her and Karin (true, I do knoe pj & shijie as well but we just ain't close and everyone has their own clique)... I hope Angela wasn't offended - hopefully she was too high to notice :P Bumped into Keith there. lolx. This is like the 2nd time I bumped into him this week, the 1st being at Zouk on Wed. Didn't speak much @ Zouk but we did have a little chat at Dbl O. Kinda superficial topics but ah well... what do u expect? *grinx* He was pretty high it seems, putting his arm ard my waist... blahx. Guys normally seem to like to do that when they're high. Hahah I dun deny though, I am rather interested in him, since I got to knoe him frm NP via the soccer team orientation. He ain't exactly good looking, but there's something about him that manages to catch my attention. /me shrugx. Anyway I got his MSN addy, added him & I'll see how things go frm here :D Doesn't mean that I'll exactly like him or anything... but itz great to be in contact. Oh yeah, saw someone I haven't seen for a long time as well, Joseph, friend frm NP soccer team too. lolx. Got to knoe him thru' porky... I wonder how porky is doing rite now. Perhaps I should just give him a call someday. I wonder if he's still as cute as b4.

Gah!! Tried to play TSO for a bit earlier but I got booted out by tha server... ain't gonna bother loading tha game again. I should really be going to sleep. Glitchz gave mi quite a shock on MSN too - he actually asked mi to go keep him company rite now and he said that he'll ask mi face 2 face to be his gal. Gosh... is he kidding with mi or is he just high on something? Brrr... I wonder if he'll really ask mi that question if we do go out alone someday - most of tha time Kai will be along with us. I wonder what my response will be... since I really dun wish to be in a relationship. As to, if I like Gltichz, well I used to think of him very often for a period of time... but that was b4, I dun really think of him that much now but I do like to go out with him, talk to him on IRC and all. *shrugx* Itz scary... how I actually have an eye so many ppl. Note: I do NOT like them (even though I dun think there's anything wrong when u like more than 1 person - always believed, that u like many ppl in tha lifetime but there's only one whom you'll love), am merely interested to get to know then further. I am starting to freak myself out - am I getting desperate since I seem to be "targetting" all tha single guys aorund me. Damn, I really dun wanna end up as a sad desperate old fart, still single at tha end of tha day.

My eyelids are so heavy. They are shutting down. NiteZ

Shady self-destructed @ 06:08

Saturday, April 24, 2004


Many things hath happened, but I haven't actually had time to blog. I ain't even getting 'nuff sleep lately... pfft !!~! I spend almost all my waking hours at home online - on TSO. It is just super addictive & there's this tendency for something to happen just before I log off - be it someone wants to be friends, or an existing friend comes online. Well... despite the game being filled with ppl who alredi knoe each other, I do managed to get to knoe some friendly folks. There's this new friendship web thingy on TSO, that any Sim with a lifetime relationship lvl ovr 60 is considered as a friend... pretty different frm the balloon thingy way back then. My new friend was this guy Crabby McGee, a 25 y.o. frm Texas. He's way kewl & he seems to be into tha same stuff I am (with exception of WWE). He mentioned that he has a lip & eyebrow piercing... gah! Just at the places I am seriously considering :P Then there's this gal Jeannie, she's my 2nd sim "friend" and boy is she friendly !!~! She has sooooo many friends - I checked her friendship web. I wonder if I'll ever be such an outgoing person. lolx, and not to mention, the guy who always wakes up and comes online when I'm about to go to sleep - Raym. If it wasn't for him, I would be in dreamland rite now :o) Well... there are plently more dayz for mi to TSO, I hope that I'll meet more kewl ppl in tha game & if all goes well... I might even continue playing after 90 dayz. Wish mi luck !!~!

Anyway... I failed to mention. That Wed @ Zouk, I had the misfortune to bump into desmond. gah!!~! I saw his bike on tha road while I was walking down and I was hoping he'll not turn in, but he did. I bumped into Daniel as well - long time no see manx... his gf rawks !!~! Oh yeah, speaking about desmond, I saw him & vice versa. As expected, he just turned away. What an asshole. Least he could do was say hi? Then again... he did say that we'll be strangers after we break up. Childish freak. I am so beginning to develop this hatrad for him... which is bad. Hating someone takes up alot of energy and I doubt he's even worth tha attention. Good lord, help mi forget his very existence. That @#*T$^&~ I hope he regretted leaving mi when he saw how I great I could possibly look when I go clubbing. _|_ balls to him _|_

Shady self-destructed @ 04:33

Thursday, April 22, 2004


I'm home ~~~ heh yeah, just returned from Zouk. Ain't that happening today - didn't get high, and the dance floor was too packed... but ah well, glad that I went. At least I got to "exercise" a little. My tummy is feeling kinda weird now though... perhaps itz coz I had durians earlier @ wrk, nvr really had dinner but went to drink instead. Now am feeding myself a little Campbell's mushroom soup. yummmmm I love Campbell's soup. Ah well, my head is starting to ache too. lolx. Quite a pity that I had the vodka orange at the end... when it was almost 3am. Think I'm gonna forgo TSO for now and go to sleep after this instead. Wake up tml and continue playing :o) Seems like I'm addicted to tha game all over again. Such is the weird thing about games... u play and u play and u get sick of it... then u move on to other games... after sometime, u return and play tha game u 1st played then u get rooted to it day & nite. lolx. I ain't making much sense, am I? hmZzz... i wonder if I should remove the barbell on my tongue and drink the soup as per normal. Itz been a long time since I ate or drank anything w/o the barbell. Am afraid that I wun be able to put it back though. Ugh. Well... I have the entire day (almost) to sleep tml, since I wun be meeting Suyi as planned - she apparently has some project thingy that requires her to be in skool... I dun really believe it but ah well, doesn't matter. Think I should rest after clubbing anyway. I hope I dun wake up sick or something. Ack. Right, I am blabbering. Farewellz ~

Shady self-destructed @ 04:49

Wednesday, April 21, 2004


I wonder what the barbell on my tongue is doing to my gum... the lower one, in front of my inscissors seem cut & the tooth seems exposed pretty bad. At this rate itz gonna fall out manx. lolx. No wonder there're like reports on tha net that a tongue piercing is gonna cause oral problems. Well... I read it after I did it, and I never thought of removing it. So there. Just complaining about what I've done. Itz always like this everything I do. I know what i am getting myself into & I knoe that it ain't gonna be pleasant but I still get into it. Guess somehow, deep down inside, a sadistic part of me loves misery. Well, when you are alredi miserable, things can only get betta. How much worse? And to answer my own question - it could be worse. Much much worse in many ways, some of which I can't even imagine... I wouldn't want to.

Itz my off day today. Went over to bunnie's house. Took alot of long bus rides & thought about alot of stuff (when I ain't asleep, that is). Mostly about relationships. I passed by Hougang earlier - the place where one of my ex lived... am unsure if he's still living there coz we lost contact. I thought about why we broke up. It was coz he wasn't up to what I expect from in a bf. And when I thought about it, I thought about the rest... and I realised, there were many relationships that I gave up coz they aren't what I expect. Then I realised... I expect too much. I keep comparing them with guys I knoe around me - how they treat their gal... etc. Even worse, I keep comparing them with someone from my past - someone I really loved & loved me in return, someone whom I still think about, someone who I'll never forget, someone who... treats me so well but I was too foolish to appreciate till he was really gone. I wonder why I didn't try to salvage the relationship at that time... I should have seen a breakup coming... I should have tried to save it. I didn't. When he left me, I didn't stop him either. I was too foolish back then. Itz even more than a year since he left - he left b4 my 21st bday. Guess I never really got over him. I wonder if I still have a place in his heart too.

Why do such thoughts keep flooding my mind. Am I really that lonely? Or is it that my life is just so filled with regrets? Perhaps I just think too much. I wonder if I'm ever able to bury the past and face the future. If there ever is an opportunity to wipe the slate clean, start life afresh... I'll probably take it, though w/o past experiences I'll never be the person I am right now. My past created the present and the present will bring the future. All I really wish now is, to be happy. If thatz impossible, then, for everyone around me - those who matter - to be happy. I just hope that I'll go to sleep later and not wake... and with me gone, hopefully someone will miss me.


Now I can't say my name, and tell you where I am
I want to roll myself away, don't know if I can
I wish that I could be in some other time and place
With someone elses soul, someone elses face

Oh, Tuesday just might go my way
It can't get worse than yesterday
Thursdays, Fridays ain't been kind
But somehow I'll survive

Hey, man I'm alive I'm takin' each day and night at a time
Yeah I'm down, but I know I'll get by
Hey hey hey hey, man gotta live my life
I'm gonna pick up all the pieces and what's left of my pride
I'm feelin' like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday night

- "Someday I'll be Saturday Night", Bon Jovi

Shady self-destructed @ 00:39

Tuesday, April 20, 2004


1 immediate failure - failure to stop within stipulated distance on tha ebrake obstacle :`( wouldn't have made it even w/o that - chalked up 32 demerits... at least this time I didn't have any for failure to check blindspots. Was too nervous about it all & thinking too hard I suppose. nvm. I think I'll do betta tha nxt time. Will go for CRs, RRs and TRY not to be too jittery during the test itself. To hell with me... haiZzz...

Shady self-destructed @ 16:39


Shattered dreams, Midwinter springs,
Gentle whafting of the Autumn breeze.
Summer storms, Spring blossoms,
Crystal tear of the one so dear.

Frozen heart, Broken wings,
Restless nights of darkest dreams.
Sightless eyes, Whispered words,
Silent cry of the twillight dame.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sitting alone by the frosted window
Gazing beyond the dusty pane
Lightning streaked across the horizon
The moon hid behind the clouds this night
Subzero winds raged across the land
Howling the way a banshee cries
High up above an Angel pauses
Perched upon a moutain's peak
A silhouette so beautiful yet heart-wrenching
The Angel stood up and spread his wings
Plunged and glided across the illuminated sky

She closed her eyes and tried to remember
How things were like aeons before
She gave it all up for one she loved
The sight of the world from up above
The silence of the Earth during dawn and dusk
She had forsaken her kind
She had made the ultimate sacrifice
Just to hold him dying, bleeding in her arms
Before he passed on to a realm unknown
A realm where she too will go someday
But to one that lives an eternity

The path seems so dark ahead...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Shady self-destructed @ 00:22


Great. This is just "GREAT". I came home, tapped my mouse as usual, waited for my PC to wake up from his nap and guess what I saw? A virus alert. Apparently my PC has been attacked by a worm - again. I forgot what tha name of tha worm is... some stupid thing that utilises mIRC. Damn, is the PC even safe anymore? I can't afford losing all tha stuff I have inside... especially my Sims save games, my emulators and my roms. Perhaps tml, when I am really free, I'll go do some backups. Betta safe than sorry. I just hate it when my PC gets attacked... very inconvienient. Anyway I seem to be blabbering rite now. Blabbered my way thru wrk earlier, made a few mistakes I normally don't. I think itz tha lack of sleep for tha past few dayz... I have to sleep early later... by 1am. Tomorrow is once again, the day. Gotta be at SSDC ard 7am... betta do some warmups since I'll be tha 1st bike out. Then again, *sigh*, my confidence hath erroded. I wonder when will I be able to pass...

Shady self-destructed @ 00:05

Monday, April 19, 2004


Got a few problems getting into TSO and itz with much difficulty that I finally do... at home. Am at bunnie's place rite now - both she and tuttle r sleeping, I hope tha tapping sounds on the keyboard wouldn't wake her !!¬! Anyway, TSO is even more difficult now, with the friendship meter thingy. *groanx* I am not that sociable a person irl and itz difficult to pretend to be one online. Basically, am finding it a chore to even start a conversation with someone -.-" It just seems like everyone in tha game alredi knoes each other and those who don't, don't speak much either. Perhaps I just been to tha wrong lots? Ah well... itz just to make those credits count anyway. Will prolly uninstall it after 90 dayz and not touch it ever again, unless something or someone in tha game changes my mind. /me shrugx such is the unpredictable future. I dun even knoe if I can wake up for my CR tml morning - pah... going down for practicals @ SSDC is a real pain in tha ass. Carrying the helmet ard... etc. I think I've complained about this b4 but ah well... I still feel this way =.=

I watched 2 movies today. Into The Mirror (at Cathay Woodlands) & 50 First Dates (at bunnie's place a tad earlier while waiting for TSO to patch). Itz quite a shame that I turned up late for Into The Mirror, we missed tha starting minutes of the film... I hope we didn't miss much. Felt pretty guilty but since it was a credit card booking, there was no way I could cancel it. Darn. Not that impressive a movie, but there were scary parts... imagine if your reflection has a life on it's own... ugh, am gonna go take off my contact lenses later and will be peering into tha mirror. GeeZ... I hope I would have forgotten about this later. lolx. 50 First Dates was touching, really. I found myself tearing @ the love Adam Sandler's character has for Drew Barrymore's. Itz amazing that in a world like this, such true love can exist. I hope it'll exist for mi someday.

/me yawnz Should be going to sleep soon or it'll be the 2nd day that I clock too few hrs of Zzzs. Doubt I'll be playing any other online game after my TSO account expires.

Shady self-destructed @ 02:00

Sunday, April 18, 2004


Just reactivated my TSO account & reinstalled the game (duh)... am gonna delete my old characters and start all over again I suppose. I wonder how am I gonna fit in this time, since I have no idea what updates there have been - haven't been reading the newsletters since I never intended to play it again. lolx. Well 90 dayz begin now. Am gonna instal it at bunnie's place and let her play a character while I ain't playing... might as well make full use of the credits rite [since she is eager to play it as well]? Updating the files... this gonna take a damn long time, will surf the site in the meantime to see if there's anything new. Wonder how am I gonna play tha game this time. With an alter ego perhaps? Be something that I'll never be irl. Or perhaps I shall just bring my offline character into the online world... yeah the one with a "heart of stone". Damn, I can't believe that Raymond agrees with the description *bish* Ugh, the download is taking forever, perhaps shall just go take a bath after this.

Should be watching Into The Mirror tml... wonder if I should stay over at bunnie's place since I am going to SSDC monday morn 4 my circuit revision. Yesh, itz time for my TP once again - on Tues. Ugh, I wonder if I'll clear it this time round. Itz being quite a pain waiting for TP again and again. So near yet so fuckin' far. My SP is like almost in my grasp... but somehow it just never reaches my outstretched arms. Johnson should be giving mi a lift down to Yishun so I'll be carrying my helmet anyway. Such a chore - carrying a helmet while taking a bus/MRT. Not to mention itz embarassing when ppl stare. ppl must be wondering why the hell is this fella carrying a helmet ard w/o a bike. lolx. Only ppl with a class 2x license will understand the pain.

Phew... it was a pretty kewl day at work. No authority. Well, not much. I dun consider Meiling much of an authority *grinx* no disrespect to her, but I am getting pretty sick & tired of her complaining ways... the way she twists (and makes up) facts, the way she blabbers about small matters to another person, the way she just has to talk about everything. Yeah, you read it right, EVERYTHING. Not to mention, itz getting pretty annoying staring at quarter of her butt crack everytime she stretches to get something or bends down. !#^*#~ Itz not as if she has a stunning figure or anything... besides those fats, there are even stretch marks. Goodness! I never liked gals wearing jeans that low anyway. I just think itz disgusting. Showing off ur undies or butt crack. Pahx!!~! Get boxers or something, stupid!! As usual, she's in one of her damned mood swings. Accompanied Raymond to go get his ear pierced (u rawk!)... Alex came along. When we returned, she was like giving us a mian bao lian and apparently was complaining about Alex with Leong. Duhhhh aren't we like entitled to 45 min break? Itz just so fucked that she can do stuff that we can't... and itz not as if it was super bz or something - we went during a downtime. Bloody hell, watz with all those backstabbing.. etc. Suntec is such a small outlet and such stuff takes place. I dread to think how it'll be like when I actually step into the working world *shudderz* Ugh... and that gal... she's such a slut. Having a bf and still liking someone else frm NYDC. Blahx, I should stop bitching about her or my fingers will rot.

The game update is such a pain. Been like typing for 10min and itz like 3% done? I wonder if I'll get to sleep tonite. Perhaps I'll just create my character and get it over n done with. Or should I watch a VCD or 2? yami no matsuei... oh yeah, was supposed to send the file to tuttle. I wonder if he's still online and if his auto-accept is on. Just got home frm Marina South... went to play a little of pool - I still suck at the game. Then went to this kewl place off the soccer field area... apparently the area is still under construction. Will bring my bicycle down there someday for some exploration :P tanoshiimini !!~! Yikes, itz still 3%. Thatz it, am gonna go take a bath.

Shady self-destructed @ 04:54

Saturday, April 17, 2004


HmZzz... itz daylight once again. Apparently I fell asleep halfway while watching RAW last nite & woke up to the shrill screams of an alarm clock. Am so pissed. The episode 8 of Yami no Matsuei that I have is fucked... to be exact, thatz the only version avaliable frm kazaa... one which the audio & visual doesn't tally. It makes watching a pain so am currently taking a break frm it to see if there is anything that can be done. tuttle is now telling mi that there's a way to rip it again and recompile but I have no idea how the hell am I supposed to do it. Aargghhh... I hate being a computer idiot. In fact, I hate being unable to do anything well. I can do alot of stuff... but I ain't exactly GOOD in anything ~ Damn I am so fucked. I should really go find a job that pays more, with shorter hrs... then again shorter hrs, what am I gonna do when I am "free"? Gosh! All these stuff is starting to gimme a headache. I should stop thinking of it. Go play Sims, then go bathe, then go to wrk.

Oh yeah... read Kevin's blog. Gd luck with Fiona, bro - if u read this.

Shady self-destructed @ 09:41


I didn't smoke for the entire day. Was too lazy to go buy cigarettes and I finished my last stick @ wrk yesterday. No idea if I should feel proud of myself or not. Should I be quitting smoking? Am waiting to watch RAW. Gosh, I do need to wrk. Am feeling rather aimless at home the entire day. Dunno what to do... can't concentrate on whatever I do... etc. Am now reading a very weird conversation online, related to the supernatural & such. I should really just quit the chat, or perhaps part the channel. This is getting outta hand & the least I can do is not get invovled coz the ppl seem so serious about it all. I hope they will understand someday, that the occult is not something to be messed ard with. Anyway I just got a glimpse of the tarot deck that I want earlier - the Dragon Tarot. Nice artwork. Intend to get it someday. Thatz it, I have enough, am parting the channel.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:18

Friday, April 16, 2004


I hate taking medicine. The bloody pill got stuck at my barbell, leaving a horrid aftertaste. Lucikly I did wash it down with orange juice instead of plain water - which dulls the tastebuds a little. Being sick blows. Am physically down but mentally am fully charged still. I wonder if I should reactivate my TSO account. Then again, am too lazy to reinstal the game rite now. Perhaps another day... ain't gonna waste those credits, since am no longer playing mRO for now. I wonder if I can still find the installation disc though... and I wonder how am I supposed to pay via credits. Will leave it till nxt day - or perhaps later if am too bored. I pulled on my navel earlier in my sleep, twice. Now itz red, sore and painful. Doc gave mi a kinda cream to apply on it earlier. HmX discussed about the removal of that mole on my eyebrow. Am gonna go ahead with it sometime nxt mth I suppose. Will cost around $200 on tha overall, but I guess, if I could pay $250 for a tattoo, why not for the removal of something that hath been an object of ridicule for such a long time? Think I am too concerned about physical appearance. But is there a choice? Such is the disgusting state of society. If you look good - you are more popular than those who are not. Itz easier to get jobs if you have larger boobies (ref. that student slut who went for implants) itz easier to move around socially if you are pretty... /me shrugx Am seeking fulfilment of social needs I suppose.

Of late, been thinking alot about the fucked up nature of guys and desmond. Yesh, especially desmond. I really hope that he gets his retribution someday, for fooling ard the way he did. Am starting to think that I can never get a "good guy". True love seems almost impossible nowadayz. Everything is about sex & the keeping up of apperances. Is Hope really gone? There is so much I wanna type, so many thoughts that go thru' my overactive mind, but I can't find the proper words to say... perhaps itz coz of the drugs I've just taken. My head is getting heavy. Think I shall just watch a few episodes of yami no matsuei and then descend into induced slumber. I hate myself.

Shady self-destructed @ 17:57


15th April 1257hrs: Yet another rotten afternoon @ wrk. With the same ol' retarded customers. ppl who can't make up their minds over a decision as simple as what to eat for lunch, ppl who take a long time to place their order, ppl who are just - fucked. The office clique. I'd betta NOT grow up to be like them. Somebody shoot mi if I do. Stupid balls of lard who can't even help themselves to a refill of ice water (the bitch at Table 5... when I told her to help herself, she was overheard making comments about service charge to her colleague).

15th April 1310hrs: There are ppl who just can't eat properly and make a mess outta the table they're sitting at.

Those are stuff that I wrote down during wrktime yesterday. Either I was super bored or super pissed off - I can't exactly remember. Fully intended to type it down when I reach home yesterday but was feeling so woozy that I went to sleep instead. I woke up with a fever earlier today. Am on MC now so am resting at home. It sux wrking during the lunch crowd. People. People suxor on the whole. Stupid, irritating customers who demand the difficult and ask illogical questions. Just tell me, is there chicken in the chicken cornish? Fuck. Or rather, is the grilled black pepper chicken grilled? No no... itz just microwaved. Double fuck. 'Nuff said. I really shudder to think, if everyone in the office environment like that. No wonder the world is fucked up. No wonder the planet is dying... ppl asking for stuff to be packed separately, with an extra plastic bag when they can easily just take ONE... ppl taking extra plastic cups for ice water... ppl using plastic cutlery. *sigh* I ache for the world. May the apocalypse come soon.

I am so bored. My head is woozy. I am hungry. I am sick.

Shady self-destructed @ 16:48

Thursday, April 15, 2004


Startling Revelations: The Crossing of Paths

Phew, just got home frm supper & Zouk. *grinx* Been a long time since I actually got high and danced the way I wanted to. lolx, yeah I had to ask a friend to come "save me" frm a few guys who were like dancing too close for comfort. Goodness, I wonder what must have other ppl around thought. It was like this guy was holding on to mi, then another... and a 3rd one. Ugh... heng my friendx came over frm Phuture after that, or the entire Zouk will think I'm a slut or something. /me shrugx I dun deny that I do like the attention though... but heh, I ain't that drunk till I dunno what I'm doing. Got a wee bit high & it felt great. Really. I didn't expect today to be this fun coz went with just 2 ppl I knoe (Christina & Jen)... then met up with Kevin in Zouk itself. To think I was kinda hesitant as to whether I should go or not. I hope chances like this come more often. Itz great to dance. I dun dance that well, but I love to dance :D

Guys are such bastards. Flirtz. Friendz I knoe are like that, ppl who dance with mi at clubs are attached... etc. I reckon they think they're doing something harmless, having a short fling or something, but what they dun understand is, how hurt their gal will be if she ever finds out. I knoe I'll be damn pissed if my boy dances too close with another gal. Call it jealousy, call it possesiveness... call it whatever u wish, but ain't that human nature? Face it, who will like their partner flirting around behind their backs? Itz thru clubbing that I gradually get to understand the horrible nature of humans. They just can't resist the opposite gender. Perhaps it inflates their ego, perhaps it just makes them feel desirable... but I dunno... or perhaps itz just coz I such a prude. I do flirt around too, but not when I'm attached. In fact, when am attached, itz not that much fun clubbing coz I tend to hold-back alot. /me shrugx think I made the right choice being single again.

desmond ain't worth going back to. I dun think I'll ever fall for him again. I dun deny that I still like him now... but after what happened earlier. No way. Christina. Somehow we bumped into one of des's friends, one who used to hang out at PS and he recognised tha both of us. Apparently, Christina was with desmond before - when she was 14. That was when desmond was 17 and I was 19... that was when mi and desmond were 1st together. Can u imagine how small the world is? And how fucked up that asshole really is? To think that Fate plays such a joke and actually allowed 2 of us to knoe each other. Itz a small world. I was pretty shocked... and frankly am kinda disappointed that when I was with him previously, he was not only two-timing but more. How many more, I have no fuckin' idea. desmond asked Christina to patch a couple of mths back - before he asked mi. I shouldn't have agreed. I'm glad that itz all over now. I just can't wait to see him on tha road... if he's still riding his SP then. I wanna see the look on his face when I overtake. Then again, I dun think I wanna see him ever again. He's such a... I dunno how to describe further. I dun even wanna think about it ever again. To think that he left mi in such a mess when he broke up with mi last week. Am bloody disappointed with myself. I was blind. Too blind to see. I look, but I dun see. Fuck that.

I wonder if they'll be going down again nxt Wed. I hope they are. And I hope they'll be asking mi along. I need to work out more. Itz only on tha dance floor that I really feel alive. Heh... maybe I should get a hi-fi set and dance all I wanna at home. I should really take a bath and get to sleep now. Yet another long day of work awaits mi when I wake. oyasuminasai.

Shady self-destructed @ 05:15

Wednesday, April 14, 2004


onaka ga ippai desu!!~! kimochii ne!!~! lolx... went for a steamboat dinner+supper earlier, to celebrate DaWuGui's bday, along with bunnie, Malao & ellone. Am kinda touched that they actually waited for mi to finish wrk... I ain't the "star" of tha day if u get what I mean. *grinx* Yeah I was out with 2 couples, but since we are all friends, it ain't too bad. Itz fun hanging out with them, even though we see each other not as frequently as before liaox. There was a period of time that we used to meet like almost every weekend. movie, dinner, pool @ cuppage. We were talking about those old channel regulars too... and how some of them have disappeared, wondering what they are doing rite now. Come to think of it, it was Fate that brought us all together. If it wasn't for an SMS outta tha blue one nite (at ard 4am) to Malao, we wouldn't still be in contact now and I wouldn't have known all those folks at #slurp. I've known Malao since secondary skool, end of sec 3 to be exact. It was thru' Alamak Chat. Itz a wonder tat we still contact each other rite now... I've like lost touch with other Alamak chatters liaox. Now am 23, so itz like I've known him for 8 long years?? Boy... how doth time fly. Sometimes I wonder... about the ppl around me, how many of them will be still in contact say, 15 years down the road? Will we be able to all grow old together? My colleagues.. well... itz like now we hang out, but I guess if I leave secret recipe, it may be real rarely that we ever do meet up again. I gonna miss them alot.

I am such a sentimental softie.

Shady self-destructed @ 02:03

Tuesday, April 13, 2004


Watched yet another episode of Great Teacher Onizuka. I love this series. To think I used to brush it off as being dumb... never knew how good it was till I actually watched it. Loads more Jap drama series awaiting me. *grinx* Yeah guess I ended up watching a VCD instead of gaming. Perhaps will play a little Monster Rancher b4 I doze. Then again... am feeling kinda sleepy. Itz weird. My sleeping patterns seem to have altered. Ain't normally sleepy at this early hour. Yet another day of wrk awaitz mi. 10hr flat shift. I wonder if I'm able to get thru it w/o dozing. lolx. bunnie should be coming down to accompany mi for break. Then itz supper with her, tuttle, Malao n ellone. Guess it is something to look forward to... yeah wadever /me shrugx

Shady self-destructed @ 03:17


Heart of Stone
Cold, emotionless. You are hard to love, and impossible to get through to. You prefer to be alone, if not, with someone who won't ask anything of you, or expect much.

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

If I do really have a heart of stone, then why is it that my emotions conflict with logic most of tha time? Why do I cry when I read or watch something touching? Why do I feel for things that go on in the world... even things that are basically none of my fuckin' business. Who was it that took the test, really? Me? Or was it me? I love doing such tests, it just makes me laugh. Done quite a number of them... the results are all posted on my homepage. All of them seem to portray mi as an anti-social, bitter, critical person with no apparent feelings. Perhaps thatz all just a facade. I dunno myself that well, so am refusing to comment further. I guess, whatever I am now, itz coz Fate hath been cruel to me. Then again, I dun really have the right to complain. I am born with everything intact (except perhaps this overimaginative mind that asks too many questions)... which is what some ppl dun have. I dun understand why they have such a strong will to live, and love life. I will kill myself at the 1st opportunity if anything like that happens to mi. I just dun have the courage I guess. /me shrugx... perhaps itz coz you dun really miss what u never had. If ever there's such thing as reincarnation... well, itz sad, dun u think? That you'll not knoe the ppl you knoe rite now & have no recollection of this current lifetime. Though life ain't exactly smooth sailing, there are ppl I will miss when they leave... or when I go. Yesh, I do have a heart.

Just returned frm supper. I didn't join Colin, Nicky n tha rest at River Valley this time. Didn't wanna get home too late coz my intention was to game tonite. Alex accompained mi makan. Cute little boy, that fella. Too bad he's way too young and alredi attached (lucky gal)... *winkz* hahahaha, just kiddin' just kiddin' but itz lotsa fun wrking with him coz he's just so full of shit that I can laugh even when I'm in a bad mood. A tat naughty though. If only I have a little brother that fun... then again, if he's my little bro, I doubt things will be that kewl liaox. Heyz, I ain't saying that my bro sux... he's one kewl by weird dude (that little worm), just that he's so like mi, cooped up in his own room with his own stuff... etc. The only times he comes out and sits in tha hall is either when I am watching WWE or when I am gaming. I will miss him when he enters tha army. He got his enlistment letter alredi, August. Poor kid, gonna spend his bday in camp. muahahahaha and I am so laughing over his misfortune :P If I get my bike by then, will send him to camp after weekends out siahx.

Gonna be fused to either machine soon - after my bath, after I get those contacts outta my eye and after I tend to my navel. The piercing still hurtz though it seems to be getting betta. So as long no infection sets in, am kewl with that. My tattoo is peeling alredi. Pretty fast ehz? Guess I do have extraordinary healing powers. hahahaha... if so, why is my left elbow still hurting when I strain it too much? Damn, some wounds never heal, do they?

Shady self-destructed @ 00:17

Monday, April 12, 2004


Do I rawk or what? I finished my individual assignment, went to take a short nap - intended to sleep for 1 or 2 hrs - but I woke up at 8... and never got outta bed till now. My storyboard and print ad still ain't done yet. I am so fuckin' dead. Told Colin that I wun go to wrk till 6pm... and I promised Ravi I'll send him tha stuff by 3. And here I am still adding an entry into my bloggie. I wonder if I'm able to pull this off. It betta be of acceptable quality. As in, it betta be something that looks good. Not perfect... I dun have Adobe Pagemaker (I need Pagemaker to make a perfect poster) and am only wrking with Photoshop... but itz gotta be presentable. Or my project mates will grumble that I took so long just to do a few sheets of crap. I never really contributed much to this one. Feeling a bit guilty so the end product betta be good. lolx. Ookie... here goes nothing !!~!

Shady self-destructed @ 09:24


Final slacking b4 I do my project. Gotta get my brain in-tune first. Wonder if I should wrk on tha stoopid letter to Mr Quake or should I do the storyboard. Tha print-adz gonna be last on my list though... that'll prolly take tha longest to complete. Damn. I hate being forced to stay awake for tha entire nite. One consolation though. After today, I'll be gaming all tha way. Woot !!~! Wonder if I should continue playing emRO or should I just focus on tha PS2. Loads of games in queue and there are more to come... esp when GT4 is gonna be released and am waiting for Shadow Hearts 2, english version. Heh, wonder if I should attempt playing a game in Jap. Oh yeah, gotta go get my JLPT3 cert & check out when tha nxt class for pre-ad1 is starting. I am so damn good if I survive this and get a passing grade. Got a distinction for tha previous module... muahahahah am so fuckin' proud of myself.

Saw this really cute kitten downstairz my block earlier, while coming back frm wrk and I was so fuckin' tempted to keep it. I even got it in tha box, Alex helped mi carry it, and was walking back to the lift when I changed my mind. Firstly, my parents will make loads of noise. Then, I dunno if I could care for it properly and... well I dunno. If itz destined to be mine, I'll see it again tml and if I do see it again tml, I'll keep it. It'll be good company. Am considering getting a dog for my mom though. Just that, I dunno if I'll be able to provide it with ample care. Itz alot of responsibility. Damn, I should really start off by being responsble to myself. Here goes nothing... off to a bath and project time. *sighz*

Shady self-destructed @ 00:10

Sunday, April 11, 2004


Alone by Shimokawa Mikuni [2nd End Theme, Gensoumaden Saiyuki]

Hell of an inspiring song, with a tinge of sadness & regret. Just take a look @ tha lyrics. They mean alot. The anime rawks too. You gotta watch it if you can - it'll be repeated on AXN, if it ain't playing now. The Japanese version of Journey To The West. Complex characters burdened with a heavy past - such is the kind of stuff I enjoy. Am envious though. Genzo Sanzo, Son Goku, Sha Gyojo, Cho Hakkai. They have each other. The bond of friendship is unmistakenable. The stuff they go thru' together, they will never have done it alone. The past haunts. It may be over, but it does leave an impact so deep that it'll affect the future.

Shady self-destructed @ 02:08


Nothing lasts forever, even cold November Rain...

The worst time of tha day is when I wake up... coz when I do, my 1st instinct is to SMS desmond - which I have to push my will to the limit not to do. What wouldn't I give to knoe how he feels. Then again, if I don't knoe, there is always a chance that he misses mi as well. I'd rather let myself think so, than knoe that he really doesn't give a shit anymore. I feel damn crapped up for feeling this way. Itz just so... weak. However, lately, there's been someone else I'm thinking of sometimes. So it doesn't get too bad. Gotta find a "substitute" I suppose. Not get into another relationship - this risk is too huge to take - but get another person to think of. I swear, am gonna revert to my full-time gaming lifestyle. Ain't that much of an "interesting life", but it beats what I'm feeling now. Just let me get past this weekend & Monday with my projects complete. I swear, am gonna finish the individual one tonite. I wun sleep unless I do (thatz what I told myself last nite btw). Am gonna die from tha lack of sleep manx... am meeting Alex nxt morn for breakfast b4 wrk. Plus, I predict another sleepless nite tml. Gd luck ShaDy.

Watched disc 4 of Great Teacher Onizuka. Frankly, I never thought I would enjoy the show. *grinx* Would rather watch the anime though, since itz adapted frm manga. The obstacles teens go thru in the series are just so... real. They are something I can understand, if not relate to. I really wish that I can be a teen counsellor in future. Am unsure if my plans will change but what I plan to do is, polish up my jap, get a job (perhaps one that requires a Japanese speaker) after graduation, save enuff $$ and go for a psychology degree part-time. Will start from a diploma if I must. I wonder if I can do it. Reminds mi of tha song, with lyrics that go... "I knoe I can, be what I wanna be. If I work harder, I'll be where I wanna be." Amazing optimism. Inspiring. I must try.

atashi wa, atashi da. daredemo no iken, mondai dewa nai. ganbatte, ShaDy-chan.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:41

Saturday, April 10, 2004


Once again, I am procrastinating. My projects are due this coming Monday & I have yet to embark on any of them. I really suck. Such attitude is gonna be my downfall someday - mark my words. Yesh, I am fuckin' stubborn as well. Worse than a mule perhaps. I dun change my attitude, I dun give a shit, and I hate all of you. I am hard hearted, unfeeling, scarastic, resentful and bitter. All this to protect the vulnerability inside. I am reverting back to my old lifestyle. Once I though, I can find someone that I love who loves me... settle down, live a simple life. Pretty childish shit. Once I thought, the world is so huge, there will be someone out there for me. Fuck it. BGR is nothing but one crafted lie for me. I ain't that lucky to find someone. It seems like I am destined to be alone while everyone else around me gets hitched. I hate what Fate hath done to me. I hate what I have become. I hate it when I show weakness - and I've been showing plenty of that in days of late. I must move on.

Yes, everyone around me seems to be attached... or about to be. There are ppl who are actually two-timing or never lack of admirers. I admit, I am jealous. And this hath made mi kinda wary. Two-timers. Is it true that in society nowadayz, true love doesn't exist? Everyone is just messing around with everyone else and everyone is with everyone outta convienience? Ultimately, at the end of tha day, itz the companionship that matters. Thatz tha reason for mi wanting a bf I guess. Itz like, after a terrible day, what calms mi down is that, there is someone who loves mi... that someone will take care of me no matter what. I will never find that someone.

Went out for a game of pool earlier, with friendz frm #slurp. Not tha "entire gang" where there, but almost all. It felt good. Let there be a nxt time.

Shady self-destructed @ 02:35

Friday, April 09, 2004


Phewx, the examination is over. Now the final hurdles are the projects that are due 12th of April - nxt Monday. Guess what? I have yet to start on anything yet. Damn. Betta sketch out a rough schedule for myself. tml, after 13hr of wrk, am gonna come home and complete tha individual project... then read thru the group project stuffx that my mates have done. Then Sat & Sun it'll be wrking my ass off on tha storyboard and print ad. Which means, I wun be gaming after today... till Monday nite - that is IF I dun fall down dead. Am pretty satisfied with my shifts nxt week though itz gonna kill me somehow. Less free time = less time being alone = less time to think of desmond I suppose.

/me shrugx. I still miss him like hell. I called him last nite, when I was waiting for 86 from bunnie's house. He told mi he was at home, waiting for his sis to lend him tha car and he's going clubbing. His voice held no emotion and he doesn't seem to care for mi anymore. I was so devastated. I couldn't study in that state. Thankfully jem came over to keep mi company. Somehow, with someone near, it doesn't seem that bad. I didn't do as much studying as I hope though (was so mentally drained that I kept dozing off now and then), but it was betta than nothing. I dunno if I screwed up the exam or not. I answered all 5 questions briefly... the last one was tha worst - didn't even have time to complete it. I hope I pass. Itz tha last hurdle now. Will be a shame if I tripped. I guess I gotta really learn to let go. There's no point feeling for a guy who doesn't feel for you back. I dunno if I did tha right thing. I hope I did. I loved him. I still do. Fuck manx, this is what happens when I get home and spend time alone.

My new tattoo is hurting. Itz still bleeding. I hope nothing screws up. Tha guy who did it ain't exactly professional - he didn't provide any aftercare advice, neither did he have the proper bandage for tha wound... but what do u expect frm $100? Tha same thing will prolly cost mi like $200 at Heeren. It looks kinda fake though - like a stick on. lolx. will tell ppl itz a sticker if they ask. Am gonna wear sandals to wrk tml. The navel hurts like hell too - everytime I sit, everytime I shift or even take a deep breath. Well... I guess wounds do take an eternity to heal. So as long no complications occur, I dun really mind coz it'll be worth it eventually.

These dayz made mi really appreciative of tha friendz I have around me. What will I be now without them. Prolly a corpse lying in a wake... maybe I would even be alredi buried. To hell with relationships. I swear I wun start any anytime again soon. No one will fall for mi anyway... since most ppl thinks I am a butch anyway. Current goal ~ complete that damned projects. Nxt goal ~ get my license. My TP hath been postponed to 20th of April. Renewed my PDL and all. Spent a significant amount of dollars. I hope I pass this time. Itz what I always say... but what tha heck. I will someday. Then I gonna get my SP. Even if I meet desmond on tha road, I'll try my best to ignore him. If luck allows, I'll not see him anytime in tha near future. Maybe another 4 years down tha road? lolx.

I hate what I've done to myself.

Shady self-destructed @ 01:16

Wednesday, April 07, 2004


I've said this to 2 ppl if I dun remember wrong, but I just gonna say it again. A break-up is like a body piercing. The instant it happens, the pain is intense... but it doesn't last longer than it does & the worse is (assumed to be) over. For the nxt few dayz and perhaps weeks to come, it hurts... but gradually it hurt lessens... and someday it'll hurt no more, and at times u'll even forget that the piercing is even there. However, sometimes, infection does set it, the wound is reopened and it may end up more painful than what was felt initially... but no matter what, there's always a remedy. The wound will heal over time, the piercing will remain. Even if u take it out someday, u'll always remember that it was once there coz the scar will never leave. In future.. there may be a regret that it was ever pierced, but sometimes u'll still feel proud that u went thru with it. I am regretting now that I agreed to the break up... but someday that regret will disappear. I just can't stop thinking of him. It takes a huge amt. of strength not to msg him... it hurtz. I'll be lying if I say I am okay rite now.

Got yet another tattoo done earlier - this time a scorpion on my foot. For that period of time, at least I forgot that I hurt physically. Now I am kinda walking with a limp. I knoe that it'll swell tml, will see how it goes. Went to Penisula for it.. and frankly, that guy ain't too professional I suppose. No cream was given, no aftercare advice and no bandage even. lolx. But I guess, thatz the difference in pricing. Much cheaper than the one I got in Far East and Heeren. I'll prolly add on some tribal designs to it in future... I just hope it wun fade too bad. The guy said it will and I believe so... itz where the skin is thinnest anyway. Well, it didn't hurt as badly as I thought it would. But it bled more than I expected... haha perhaps thatz coz i never actually saw how much my other ones bled... this was actually the 1st one I seen the person do. If I ever get a digi cam, I'll take pix and post it manx... lolx.

I should really be studying now, but I am still thinking of desmond. HaiZzz... I never expected to fall in this deeply but if I didn't, then it wouldn't be worth it in the 1st place, would it? Well think I gonna Sim for a while then really study later. My exam is in 2 dayz. I really am digging my own grave. Even now, I am still hoping that desmond will call... I miss him. Really.

Shady self-destructed @ 00:22

Tuesday, April 06, 2004


Breaking up silently seemed like the best idea... but somehow it doesn't conclude anything. The official break up took place yesterday. In the noon, desmond called mi and I decided to return his call a while later. We had a slight arguement, I asked for my helmet, I told him off about his m.i.a. during the weekend and put down the fone. Afterwhich, at work, he SMSed mi again, asking if we are still together. I told him frankly... I had no fuckin' idea, that I still love him and wants to be with him, but if things don't change, it wun be long till I go bonkers and it'll be better to remain as friends. He said that it'll be impossible to be friends. And that itz betta for us to end it. At nite, he SMSed and called and says that he can't bear to let go. My heart nearly melted right then. But we talked... difficult as it is... I rather miss him daily than get pissed everyday. Time passes, feelings fade. Perhaps one day, when I wake up and suddenly think about him... I'll realise that I actually forgotten about him for a period of time. One thing though, I am doing this unwillingly. I still love him & I never wanted to let go. If only things can turn out differently. If only he is willing to try once again, I will try again as well. But since he can't accept my terms then I guess itz betta for us to part. Am trying to convince myself rite now, that I made the right decision. If itz really the right decision, why do I feel a twinge of regret? One thing desmond said... if we are really Fated to be together, we will be someday. I really love him, I can't bear to let go. I am running late for work now but I can't stop crying. It hurtz... it hurtz so bad that I dun even feel my navel piercing rite now. Deep down inside, I am still hoping that he'll turn back & says that he'll try again. Yet deep down inside as well, I knoe he'll never do that. I guess I can only take things a step at a time for now...

Shady self-destructed @ 11:57

Monday, April 05, 2004


Went for supper at Pasir Panjang area. Had fun. *grinx* Des gave mi a lift there and Eric's helmet is now with mi. Ugh... I hope I dun have too much of a problem putting it on tml. Des had to help mi with it earlier siah. And he reminded mi of something - my own helmet was bought by him... well, he helped mi buy it, so I'd betta get it back somehow. jem's meeting mi tml, so I guess I'll ask him to make the fone call. Darn. I am such a fuckin' coward. Will have a talk with those TP tml as well. Best is they allow mi to postpone my TP w/o having to pay extra... coz I doubt I'll make it on tha 8th. Even if they allow mi to be tha 1st bike out, I dunno if I can make it to skool on time. Unless Des is willing to be my "driver" that day. He's off. I have yet to ask him, but think that'll be asking too much manx.

/me shrugx. If all goes fine, I should be going KL with tha rest this coming June. I need a fuckin' vacation. Destress somehow. And perhaps I wun find a perm job till after I return. But will keep an eye out for opportunities that come by. Somehow I am damn unwilling to leave SR, now that things seem fine over there... am getting my shifts, am getting along, am kinda having fun - despite the idiots I face daily. Idiots in the form of customers. Testing my patience siahx. Think frm nxt week onwards, I'll be requesting Sundayz off. Sundayz seem to be the day where I lose my patience easiest. Perhaps itz coz of tha crowd, and the idiots who only go out on Sundayz. Not to mention, those bloody church groups. Damn Good Friday. Why does that have to be a public holiday?? If not I wouldn't be stuck in this situation of TP vs exam.

Speaking of Good Friday. I watched The Passion of The Christ last week and boy it was good. Emotionally charged and not to mention, filled with graphic violence. Blood & gore. I still like those stuff. Damn lah, tml gotta wake up early. Sims time.

Shady self-destructed @ 02:03

Sunday, April 04, 2004


The chains that held mi captive finally snapped
My wings unfurled and I took flight
Once again I soar under the starless night
Once again I felt the wind rustling thru' my feathers
I embrace Lonliness that hath returned to me
For Freedom.

Itz over. Or so I think. No one mentioned "break-up" but I suppose itz pretty obvious from how things went. Called him once this morning... perhaps still hanging on for maybe one last chance. He was cold. Damn cold. I made up my mind to give it up. I dun even wanna meet up with him anymore. If he doesn't call or SMS me, I wouldn't call or SMS him either. I pray to whoever is listening that he will not attempt to contact mi anymore. Take this as a silent break... as a mutual parting. Or let mi be the "bad guy" this time. I knoe my heart will soften if I listen to his voice or look at him. I will want to hang on. I knoe I should not. For my sake. For his sake. I wish him happiness. Fuck the helmet. I called Anchor Point earlier. Intention was to borrow a helmet from Desmond to take my practicals & TP. Desmond was off but Eric agreed to lend mi his instead. Des is supposed to drop by Suntec tml after wrk and pass it to me. Will call him tml to remind him :P

I dun deny that he's been on my mind the entire day. I just can't help thinking of him. Now and then I check my hp, still hoping that he'll drop mi an SMS or give mi a call. He didn't. Part of me rejoices at that, the other part... I dunno, itz just lingering heartache I suppose. It doesn't hurt too bad. Perhaps reality hasn't set in yet. The hurt will come later. But in time, all will become nothing but bittersweet memories. Of times that we once had together. I dunno if our paths will cross again in the future, but somehow I do hope that we can still be friends. Someday... after all this shit is over & after I no longer want him as a bf. I should be crying. Since I just broke up. The tears just dun come. /me shrugx. Whatever happens... will just try to revert back to my old lifestyle. Lonely, kinda boring at times, but free. I was free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn't have to check my fone now and then to see if someone replies and get disappointed when they dun. There will be a day again when history repeats itself... but I dun intend to look too far into the future rite now.

Was out with friends earlier. Went to makan then Poolitix. It felt so damn good. Itz been soooooooo fuckin' long that I never came out with my friends like this - without a care as to what time I go home, without a care as to where we go, without a care that someone will get angry. There was a period of time that I actually stopped thinking of him. Itz times like this that get me going on. I would prolly have died of despair if I was left all alone. At least now one less stressful thing in my life. My next stress is the TP... I hope all goes well. Good luck to myself.

Shady self-destructed @ 03:14

Saturday, April 03, 2004


After trying upteen times & utilising different strategies, I am starting to wonder (like I told jem earlier), if the only way to win the game is to exit in the beginning... give up playing the game & perhaps watch a VCD instead. Yeah, am speaking in abstract terms, but this is the only way I can make logical decisions. To view things frm a 3rd party's eye - this was what Kai told mi earlier. Thanx bro. Met up with Kai earlier and talked to him about desmond. Even he felt that it ain't worth carrying on. Everyone does. I am so close to breaking up with him. Let nothing stand in my way to waver my decision. The only problem is, I have to meet up with him & get my fuckin' helmet back. Am afraid that once I meet up with him, I will falter. The best way for me now is to avoid. Resist the temptation of SMS, resist the temptation to call & resist the temptation to ask him out. My wings are struggling in its bonds. Itz only time before I break free. Then again, the chains that bind me can always tighten. My will may shatter once again. I

tz yet another night w/o him. Another arguement. We seem to quarrel everyday & I am clinging on to the edge. I dun understand why I still tend to hold on but something Kai said to me earlier made me think. It might be coz I haven't been in a relationship for so long... and when I finally do, I dun wanna give it up & I am afraid that there won't be anyone else that comes along. However, he told me not to look too far into & worry too much about the future... instead, concentrate on the present. Focus my attention on this plight I am in. This plight. Itz all the fault of my own hand. The blood spilled is my burden to bear. I may not be the direct cause of it, but I let it happen. I am equally as guilty. No one forced me to make the decisions I've made so far... I was conscious when I made them. I did it. Now I have to face the consequences. Am beginning to make this into some huge melodrama but this is tha best way I can come to terms with my own thoughts. To reconcile the contradicting parts of me. Ultimately, what I do, I have to do it for my best interests. No doubt, somewhere down the road, I'll wonder... I'll wonder what would have happened if I held on. Then again, there are just too many "what ifs" in Life to bother.

The best method I can think of is avoidance. But what about the helmet? I'll try cancelling my practicals & postponing my TP. So I wun have to worry about the helmet till much later. Perhaps I shall just borrow a helmet frm Desmond. Take things a step at a time I suppose. Shall just finish my supper now, brush my teeth... go to sleep and wake up for wrk tml. I wonder if I still have the "face" to meet up with jem n pero tml nite... I just feel so guilty... when I was with desmond, I didn't ask them out, and now I ain't with him... I start hanging out with them again. I just hope they'll understand. Itz not that I dun wanna go out with u guys, but circumstances forced mi to make a choice. It was a difficult choice, trust me. I hated it but I had to do it coz at that point of time, I felt that I would be better off taking the other option. HaiZzz.... i dunno lah. fuck it.

Shady self-destructed @ 05:14

Thursday, April 01, 2004


The body is weak, the mind is weaker.

This fully sums up what I feel about myself rite now. My spirit is failing. No longer i have the will power to make decisions based on logic and fact. I seem to be taking too many chances, getting hurt & frustrated too often, basically doing something that ain't "good" for me. I just feel that I've let myeslf down. Last night. Last night could have been the chance for me to end the relationship. After desmond threw his stupid xiao jie pi qi once again. If he had mentioned break up. I would have had... and trust me, this time I'll never wanna patch again. It was so close. But after I spoke on the fone with a couple of friends... he called. He called to apologise. Damn. My heart softened and I accepted it. It now seems like I am being treated like a puppet... a kinda toy. My feelings, my actions are all being manipulated. I ain't allowed to feel something that he doesn't want mi to feel. I ain't allowed to argue... ain't allowed to say no. I am meeting him later. He doesn't give me a fixed time, just asks mi to go and prepare. He expects me to wait for him. Am I nothing more than a toy? The argument last nite sparked off with sex being the main topic again. This time I dun feel that much despair when I put down the fone. Think I am getting stronger. Soon, I will break free. I have to. Deep down inside, I am a Sagittarius after all. Am just temporarily having my wings clipped. Someday, when I choose to, the wings will emerge fully once again and this time I'll definitely not return. I just have this feeling that he's being with mi coz of sex... despite him claiming otherwise. Liar. And I'm an idiot.

My workplace is becoming dangerous. Too much politics getting around... staff not liking each other, different sides to stories, backstabbing... etc. I heard something from someone, and someone else tells me something else that totally contradicts. I dunno who to trust anymore - am not sure that I can even trust myself not to get my hands dirty. Try as I might not to get myself involved, it seems that I am guilty of spreading some of those stories. One thing though, I state merely my point of view - be it "right" or "wrong". I just hope that biasness wun get the better of me & things wun be messed up in my hands. Itz always betta to stay neutral. It's much more objective that way.

You know, I really hope to be a game reviewer someday.

Shady self-destructed @ 14:55






.: ME :.

I am the Alpha, I am the Omega. I am a Monster without a name.

I don't know where I'm going, and you need not know where I've been. I don't know why I'm embarking on this journey and I don't know what exactly I'm searching for. I don't need guidance. I'll know it when I find it - I'll make something up if I don't. Perhaps then, I'll depart to the realms beyond.

Till then, sit back & enjoy the tales I bring to you from my reality.

For a more detailed description about yours truly, view my Friendster Page



Instead of links... A tracking/reminder list of sorts - for PS2 gaming. Motivation NOT to start a new game of b4 completing one of the same genre that hath alredi begun.

In Progress

  • Dark Cloud 2
  • Guitar Hero 1, 2 & 80s
  • Kingdom Hearts
  • Kingdom Hearts II
  • Wild Arms 3

In Queue

  • Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia
  • Atelier Iris: Eternal Mana
  • Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny
  • Atelier Iris III: Grand Phantasm
  • Dark Cloud
  • Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening
  • Disgaea: Hour of Darkness
  • Final Fantasy VII - Dirge of Cereberus
  • Final Fantasy X
  • Final Fantasy X-2
  • Final Fantasy XII
  • Grandia III
  • Harvest Moon - A Wonderful Life
  • Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (8x)
  • Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
  • Persona 3
  • Rogue Galaxy
  • Rule of Rose
  • Shadow Hearts: Covenant
  • Shadow Hearts: From The New World
  • Shining Force Neo
  • Silent Hill 3
  • Silent Hill 4: The Room
  • Soul Cradle [Jap]
  • Stella Deus: The Gate of Eternity
  • Suikoden IV
  • Suikoen V
  • Tales of the Abyss
  • Wild Arms Alter Code: F
  • Valkyrie Profile: Silmeria

To-Check-Out / To-Get List

  • Ar tonelico II [?]
  • Arc The Lad: End of Darkness
  • Arc The Lad: Twilight of the Spirits
  • Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter
  • Digimon World Data Squad
  • Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories
  • Dragon Quest V: Tenkuu no Hanayome
  • Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
  • Drakengard
  • Drakengard 2
  • Dual Hearts
  • Elvandia Story [?]
  • Ephemeral Fantasia
  • Eternal Ring
  • Evergrace
  • Forever Kingdom
  • Full Metal Alchemist and the Broken Angel
  • Full Metal Alchemist 2: Curse of the Crimson Elixir
  • Full Metal Alchemist 3: Kami no Tsugu Shojo
  • Growlanser Generations
  • Growlanser: Heritage of War [?]
  • Growlanser IV: Precarious World [?]
  • Jade Cocoon 2
  • Magic Pengel: The Quest for Color
  • Magna Carta: Tears of Blood
  • Makai Kingdom: Chronicles of the Sacred Tome
  • MS Saga: A New Dawn
  • Musashi Samurai Legend
  • Odin Sphere
  • Okage: Shadow King
  • Orphen: Scion of Sorcery
  • Radiata Stories
  • RPG Maker 2 [?]
  • RPG Maker 3 [?]
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga 2
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne
  • Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 [?]
  • Shining Force Exa
  • Shining Wind [?]
  • Shining Tears
  • Star Ocean: Till the End of Time
  • Steambot Chronicles
  • Summoner
  • Summoner 2
  • Tales of Destiny [?]
  • Tales of Destiny II [?]
  • Tales of Legendia
  • Tales of Rebirth [?]
  • Tales of Symphonia [?]
  • The Lord of The Rings, The Third Age
  • Tsugunai: Atonement
  • Unlimited Saga
  • Ys: The Ark of Napishtim
  • Wild Arms 5 [?]
  • Xenosaga Episode 1: Der Wille zer Macht
  • Xenosaga Episode 2: Jenseits von Gut und Bose
  • Xenosaga Episode 3: Also Sprach Zarathustra
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.1: Rebirth
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.2: Reminicise
  • .hack//G.U. Vol.3: Redemption
  • .hack//Infection Part 1
  • .hack//Mutation Part 2
  • .hack//Outbreak Part 3
  • .hack//Quarantine Part 4

Completed Games

  • Grandia II
  • Harvest Moon - Save the Homeland (1x)
  • Legend of Legia II
  • Shadow Hearts
  • Silent Hill 2
  • Suikoden III

Trash Bin

  • 7 Sins
  • Urbz: Sims in The City
  • Grandia XTreme

Too Many Games... Too Little Time...


+ A r c h i v e s +

02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
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06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
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09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
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02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
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06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
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08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
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02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009


+ S e l f L i n k s +

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+ C r e d i t s +

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